1
00:00:19,379 --> 00:00:20,497
So what number
are you on now?
2
00:00:20,581 --> 00:00:21,366
Seven.
3
00:00:21,450 --> 00:00:24,065
Wow. That's good.
4
00:00:24,289 --> 00:00:25,925
Seven's good;
You said going to a party
5
00:00:26,010 --> 00:00:27,699
would put you on a nine
for anxiety.
6
00:00:27,784 --> 00:00:30,718
It's quite a strong seven.
7
00:00:30,903 --> 00:00:32,239
Well, it's still good.
8
00:00:33,575 --> 00:00:35,160
- Have you done your breathing?
- Yeah.
9
00:00:35,244 --> 00:00:36,581
Brilliant.
10
00:00:36,994 --> 00:00:38,622
Well, you've only got to stay
for about half an hour
11
00:00:38,706 --> 00:00:39,636
if you want.
12
00:00:39,721 --> 00:00:41,157
Okay. Thanks, Dad.
13
00:00:55,184 --> 00:00:56,102
Mum!
14
00:00:56,186 --> 00:00:57,885
Just getting ready.
15
00:00:57,974 --> 00:01:00,161
Can you help me
with my history homework?
16
00:01:00,393 --> 00:01:01,893
Well, unless
it's about the history
17
00:01:01,978 --> 00:01:04,918
of Brookside characters
from 1992 to 1997,
18
00:01:05,003 --> 00:01:06,800
I'm afraid I've got
nothing for you, sweetie.
19
00:01:06,984 --> 00:01:08,308
It's about the Falklands War.
20
00:01:08,393 --> 00:01:09,997
Ah, I said
that I was getting ready,
21
00:01:10,081 --> 00:01:12,502
so can you please just give me
a fucking moment?
22
00:01:12,586 --> 00:01:14,878
Go get my phone
from my bag, Ava.
23
00:01:14,964 --> 00:01:18,013
An ex‐boyfriend of mine
was part of the task force.
24
00:01:18,097 --> 00:01:19,416
Catering, below deck,
25
00:01:19,500 --> 00:01:22,205
but he would've heard
the majority of it.
26
00:01:23,475 --> 00:01:25,495
Thanks, Granny.
27
00:01:25,641 --> 00:01:27,680
You really need to tell Paul.
28
00:01:29,553 --> 00:01:30,901
Paul?
29
00:01:31,114 --> 00:01:32,698
- Paul.
- Come here, mate.
30
00:01:32,783 --> 00:01:36,048
Oi, behave yourself, or there's
no ice cream till you're 15.
31
00:01:36,133 --> 00:01:37,686
Actually, that's a bit harsh.
32
00:01:37,770 --> 00:01:39,155
Paul, I need to tell you
something important.
33
00:01:39,239 --> 00:01:40,290
Oh?
34
00:01:40,405 --> 00:01:41,879
I'm pregnant.
35
00:01:44,885 --> 00:01:46,198
Wow.
36
00:01:46,291 --> 00:01:47,628
Why are you pulling
that face?
37
00:01:47,713 --> 00:01:48,773
What face?
38
00:01:48,858 --> 00:01:50,894
This is literally
what my face does.
39
00:01:50,979 --> 00:01:52,147
What face am I
supposed to pull?
40
00:01:52,231 --> 00:01:54,135
Oh, I don't know, happy?
Neutral?
41
00:01:54,220 --> 00:01:56,557
Anything other than that
horrible, sour fucking grimace.
42
00:01:56,641 --> 00:01:59,228
No, it's‐‐it's just a shock,
that's all.
43
00:01:59,312 --> 00:02:00,431
And I thought we'd agreed.
44
00:02:00,515 --> 00:02:02,334
Agr‐‐agreed what?
What did we agree?
45
00:02:02,418 --> 00:02:03,638
That we wouldn't have
another one just yet.
46
00:02:03,722 --> 00:02:05,375
Well, I'm sorry
it's such shit news.
47
00:02:05,459 --> 00:02:06,610
I'll go and have
an abortion, shall I?
48
00:02:06,694 --> 00:02:08,246
What's Vera Drake's number?
49
00:02:08,330 --> 00:02:10,451
I'm sorry. I'm so...
I'm just taking it in.
50
00:02:10,535 --> 00:02:11,754
Luke nearly broke me.
51
00:02:11,838 --> 00:02:14,125
Right, he's still breaking me.
52
00:02:14,209 --> 00:02:16,362
I do love you, mate,
but you know it's true.
53
00:02:16,446 --> 00:02:17,666
I've got a baby in me,
54
00:02:17,750 --> 00:02:19,135
and do you know
what it feels like
55
00:02:19,219 --> 00:02:21,172
to have you act like
that's the worst news ever?
56
00:02:21,256 --> 00:02:22,642
No. Honestly.
57
00:02:22,726 --> 00:02:23,779
- Ally.
- No.
58
00:02:23,864 --> 00:02:25,134
Hon...
59
00:02:27,603 --> 00:02:29,513
I hope you realize
you're paying for this.
60
00:02:37,489 --> 00:02:39,108
Is this Leo's house, then?
61
00:02:39,192 --> 00:02:40,210
Yeah, that's it.
62
00:02:40,294 --> 00:02:42,181
It's nice.
63
00:02:42,265 --> 00:02:44,419
Bit showy.
64
00:02:44,503 --> 00:02:45,855
So what do his parents do
for a living?
65
00:02:45,939 --> 00:02:47,492
His mum's a teacher,
and his dad's a potter.
66
00:02:47,576 --> 00:02:48,694
A potter?
67
00:02:48,778 --> 00:02:50,531
Mmm, he makes pots. Clay.
68
00:02:50,615 --> 00:02:51,667
Like the ones Mum likes.
69
00:02:51,751 --> 00:02:53,270
You know,
brown and a bit wonky.
70
00:02:53,354 --> 00:02:54,406
He used to be in banking.
71
00:02:54,490 --> 00:02:57,244
Oh, for f...
Right. Say no more.
72
00:02:57,328 --> 00:02:58,414
I'm not jealous.
73
00:02:58,498 --> 00:02:59,750
It's a nice house,
that's all.
74
00:02:59,974 --> 00:03:01,813
A potter. Um...
75
00:03:03,307 --> 00:03:04,886
Right, I'll be at the end
of the phone
76
00:03:04,971 --> 00:03:06,106
if you need me
to come and get you.
77
00:03:06,190 --> 00:03:07,499
I'll try and stay
till the end,
78
00:03:07,583 --> 00:03:09,035
and then Leo's dad
can give me a lift.
79
00:03:09,119 --> 00:03:11,675
Oh, all right, well, I'll
listen out for the helicopter.
80
00:03:15,866 --> 00:03:18,073
What do you reckon, mate?
Give it a go?
81
00:03:24,229 --> 00:03:25,367
Luke,
82
00:03:25,451 --> 00:03:26,770
be yourself.
83
00:03:26,854 --> 00:03:28,612
If you need to,
you can go into the garden
84
00:03:28,697 --> 00:03:30,136
and do your breathing.
85
00:03:32,533 --> 00:03:33,930
Okay. See you later.
86
00:03:34,015 --> 00:03:35,354
Yep.
87
00:03:42,695 --> 00:03:44,690
You poor sod.
88
00:03:50,719 --> 00:03:52,719
*BREEDERS*
Season 01 Episode 05
89
00:03:52,803 --> 00:03:54,823
Episode Title: "No Baby"
Aired on: April 12, 2021
90
00:03:57,753 --> 00:03:59,636
Hmm, what pizza
are you having?
91
00:03:59,720 --> 00:04:01,874
Pbbt, Pepperoni Hot, baby.
92
00:04:01,958 --> 00:04:05,026
Same pizza choice since 1989.
What about you?
93
00:04:05,262 --> 00:04:06,354
I'm going bespoke.
94
00:04:06,439 --> 00:04:07,819
Toppings from all over
the place.
95
00:04:07,903 --> 00:04:09,456
Jazz pizza.
More of this, hold that.
96
00:04:09,540 --> 00:04:10,572
They're gonna hate me.
97
00:04:10,657 --> 00:04:12,194
Can I get you guys
anything to drink?
98
00:04:12,278 --> 00:04:13,764
Um, yeah, I'll have
a pint of Peroni.
99
00:04:13,848 --> 00:04:15,278
Just a fizzy water, thanks.
100
00:04:17,021 --> 00:04:18,774
So you're pregnant.
101
00:04:18,967 --> 00:04:20,265
What?
102
00:04:20,762 --> 00:04:22,214
Never been out
for a meal with you
103
00:04:22,298 --> 00:04:23,417
where you haven't had wine
104
00:04:23,501 --> 00:04:25,266
unless you were pregnant
or breastfeeding.
105
00:04:25,351 --> 00:04:26,273
Really?
106
00:04:26,358 --> 00:04:28,836
It has literally
never happened.
107
00:04:28,978 --> 00:04:31,667
I've also picked up
on some other clues...
108
00:04:31,751 --> 00:04:34,058
you being mental, for a start.
109
00:04:35,547 --> 00:04:38,101
Listen, this is our first
date night out in months.
110
00:04:38,186 --> 00:04:39,248
- Yeah.
- And we've got, what,
111
00:04:39,332 --> 00:04:40,718
three hours before Mum finishes
112
00:04:40,802 --> 00:04:42,455
her third bottle
and then falls asleep
113
00:04:42,539 --> 00:04:44,559
with the deadlock on,
so there is a hard deadline.
114
00:04:44,643 --> 00:04:46,630
Yeah, but
fucking hell, hon...
115
00:04:46,714 --> 00:04:48,333
a baby.
116
00:04:48,417 --> 00:04:49,436
I mean, a...
117
00:04:49,520 --> 00:04:52,609
a baby, that is
a very big deal.
118
00:04:52,693 --> 00:04:55,247
Yeah, no, I know, and I know
we need to get into this,
119
00:04:55,331 --> 00:04:57,351
but before that,
if at all possible,
120
00:04:57,435 --> 00:04:59,990
I would love to order
a really complicated pizza
121
00:05:00,074 --> 00:05:01,960
and then eat the whole thing
very, very quickly
122
00:05:02,044 --> 00:05:04,194
whilst we bitch about people
we pretend to like.
123
00:05:05,084 --> 00:05:06,335
Okay.
124
00:05:06,419 --> 00:05:07,372
Thanks.
125
00:05:07,456 --> 00:05:08,874
Are we ready to order?
126
00:05:08,958 --> 00:05:10,445
Yes, uh,
this could get complicated,
127
00:05:10,529 --> 00:05:11,613
so you might want to get a pen.
128
00:05:11,697 --> 00:05:12,749
And a slide rule.
129
00:05:12,833 --> 00:05:14,886
- Right, margherita base, extra basil.
- Right.
130
00:05:14,970 --> 00:05:16,289
Then capers, anchovies,
131
00:05:16,373 --> 00:05:17,592
black olives, smoked garlic,
132
00:05:17,676 --> 00:05:19,529
red peppers, green peppers,
yellow peppers.
133
00:05:19,613 --> 00:05:21,433
- I'll just put peppers.
- Mushrooms...
134
00:05:30,434 --> 00:05:32,489
Hi, Mum.
Is everything all right?
135
00:05:32,573 --> 00:05:34,826
- I wasn't asleep.
- Clearly.
136
00:05:34,910 --> 00:05:36,697
- How was the restaurant?
- It was fine.
137
00:05:36,781 --> 00:05:38,299
Did you tell him
you're pregnant?
138
00:05:38,383 --> 00:05:41,373
Yes, but what if I hadn't?
Fucking hell, Mum.
139
00:05:41,457 --> 00:05:43,377
Right, so suddenly
I'm the bad guy.
140
00:05:43,461 --> 00:05:44,479
Yes, you are.
141
00:05:44,563 --> 00:05:45,615
Hormones.
142
00:05:45,699 --> 00:05:46,583
She doesn't know
what she's saying.
143
00:05:46,667 --> 00:05:48,554
- Think she might do.
- Headlines.
144
00:05:48,638 --> 00:05:51,393
Luke looked quite grim when
he got back from his party,
145
00:05:51,477 --> 00:05:53,029
and Ava seems a bit off.
146
00:05:53,113 --> 00:05:54,900
- Hmm.
- How are you doing?
147
00:05:54,984 --> 00:05:56,703
How are you feeling
about the baby?
148
00:05:56,787 --> 00:05:57,906
Not sure.
149
00:05:57,990 --> 00:05:59,709
Between you, me,
and the garden gate,
150
00:05:59,793 --> 00:06:02,014
I have four friends
who had three children.
151
00:06:02,098 --> 00:06:03,551
Two of them didn't see 60.
152
00:06:03,635 --> 00:06:06,990
- Terrific.
- Just a word to the wise.
153
00:06:07,074 --> 00:06:09,615
Three is the tragic number.
154
00:06:14,823 --> 00:06:16,075
I've just been feeling,
155
00:06:16,159 --> 00:06:17,344
like, weird as balls.
156
00:06:17,428 --> 00:06:20,070
Just, like, really odd.
157
00:06:21,002 --> 00:06:22,989
The whole thing is just daft.
158
00:06:23,073 --> 00:06:24,693
You're definitely sure
you're pregnant?
159
00:06:24,777 --> 00:06:26,463
Yes, I've been collecting
pregnancy tests
160
00:06:26,547 --> 00:06:27,599
like they're fucking Pokémon.
161
00:06:27,683 --> 00:06:29,335
And... and this one,
162
00:06:29,419 --> 00:06:31,038
is it... is it making you feel
the same kind of weird
163
00:06:31,122 --> 00:06:32,442
as Luke and Ava did, or...
164
00:06:32,526 --> 00:06:33,644
I mean, I can't remember.
165
00:06:33,728 --> 00:06:35,882
The whole thing is... is weird,
isn't it?
166
00:06:35,966 --> 00:06:39,489
I mean, growing a human
inside you is nuts.
167
00:06:39,573 --> 00:06:41,025
I do know that Ava made me go
168
00:06:41,109 --> 00:06:42,695
the most mental
when she was born.
169
00:06:42,779 --> 00:06:45,033
Just, like, this tiny vampire
170
00:06:45,117 --> 00:06:48,541
sucking my life out
through my tits.
171
00:06:48,625 --> 00:06:49,643
Ah.
172
00:06:49,727 --> 00:06:51,480
I know. It was tough.
173
00:06:51,564 --> 00:06:53,617
I mean, of course,
I don't have tits,
174
00:06:53,701 --> 00:06:55,454
so I can't
fully appreciate your...
175
00:06:55,538 --> 00:06:57,128
Well...
176
00:06:57,213 --> 00:06:58,828
What's that me...
you think I've got tits?
177
00:06:58,912 --> 00:07:00,798
It just... it happens to men
in their 40s.
178
00:07:00,882 --> 00:07:02,969
Oh. Look at these.
179
00:07:03,053 --> 00:07:04,573
I've suddenly got some tits.
180
00:07:04,657 --> 00:07:05,728
Fuck you.
181
00:07:09,777 --> 00:07:11,740
Mm.
182
00:07:12,773 --> 00:07:13,791
Hello.
183
00:07:13,875 --> 00:07:16,463
Hi, yeah, this is Luke's dad.
184
00:07:16,547 --> 00:07:18,099
Paul.
185
00:07:18,183 --> 00:07:20,725
Oh, hello, Leo's mum.
Everything all right?
186
00:07:22,559 --> 00:07:24,946
No, I'm just
decanting a shiraz.
187
00:07:26,867 --> 00:07:28,377
Yeah, no, Luke seemed fine.
Why?
188
00:07:29,740 --> 00:07:32,060
Oi, bell end.
189
00:07:32,144 --> 00:07:33,564
Leo's mum told me
that you were smoking
190
00:07:33,648 --> 00:07:35,000
- in their gazebo.
- What's a gazebo?
191
00:07:35,084 --> 00:07:37,070
I don't fucking know, do I?
192
00:07:37,154 --> 00:07:38,407
Were you smoking?
193
00:07:38,491 --> 00:07:39,943
No. Some of the others were.
194
00:07:40,027 --> 00:07:41,780
I went into the garden
'cause I had a bit
195
00:07:41,864 --> 00:07:43,751
of a panic attack
and needed some air.
196
00:07:43,835 --> 00:07:45,086
But I didn't go
in the gazebo thing,
197
00:07:45,170 --> 00:07:46,088
and I didn't smoke.
198
00:07:46,172 --> 00:07:47,792
- Really?
- Really!
199
00:07:47,876 --> 00:07:49,061
I swear to Christ, mate,
you telling me the truth?
200
00:07:49,145 --> 00:07:50,985
Yes.
201
00:07:53,186 --> 00:07:54,940
All right. Good.
202
00:07:55,024 --> 00:07:55,942
I believe you.
203
00:07:56,026 --> 00:07:57,478
Thank you.
204
00:07:57,562 --> 00:07:58,447
I'm sorry you had
a panic attack.
205
00:07:58,531 --> 00:07:59,783
That must've been rough.
206
00:07:59,867 --> 00:08:01,840
It was. Thanks.
207
00:08:03,508 --> 00:08:05,093
Did I make you
lose your game?
208
00:08:05,177 --> 00:08:07,207
It's all right.
It's not that sort of a game.
209
00:08:08,183 --> 00:08:09,869
All right.
210
00:08:09,953 --> 00:08:11,313
You should turn it off anyway.
211
00:08:11,398 --> 00:08:12,796
Go to sleep, please.
212
00:08:23,180 --> 00:08:24,987
I'm having doubts.
213
00:08:26,954 --> 00:08:28,641
- Baby doubts?
- Yeah.
214
00:08:28,725 --> 00:08:30,143
I mean, not as in small doubts,
215
00:08:30,227 --> 00:08:32,214
as in doubts about the baby.
216
00:08:32,298 --> 00:08:34,018
I'm...
217
00:08:34,102 --> 00:08:36,442
I'm not sure
if I want this baby.
218
00:08:38,076 --> 00:08:39,346
Okay.
219
00:08:40,682 --> 00:08:43,069
That is a perfectly reasonable
thing to think.
220
00:08:43,153 --> 00:08:46,029
I just, uh...
I just don't know.
221
00:08:48,163 --> 00:08:50,785
Well, if you were
a pendulum, right?
222
00:08:50,869 --> 00:08:51,853
Mm‐hmm.
223
00:08:51,937 --> 00:08:54,626
With "sure" and "not sure"
224
00:08:54,710 --> 00:08:56,530
either side of you,
225
00:08:56,614 --> 00:08:59,703
what angle would you be at
right now?
226
00:08:59,787 --> 00:09:02,976
Um... sorry, where are you
measuring the angle from?
227
00:09:03,060 --> 00:09:04,211
The middle.
228
00:09:04,295 --> 00:09:05,748
And which way
is the pendulum going?
229
00:09:05,832 --> 00:09:07,652
Either way.
That's... that's the point.
230
00:09:07,736 --> 00:09:08,821
You're the pendulum.
231
00:09:08,905 --> 00:09:11,526
Right, so if I say
"30 degrees,"
232
00:09:11,610 --> 00:09:13,096
is that 30 degrees
towards the side
233
00:09:13,180 --> 00:09:15,166
that I'm in favor of
or towards the other side?
234
00:09:15,250 --> 00:09:16,703
No, it's towards the...
235
00:09:16,787 --> 00:09:18,206
you're making this
unnecessarily complicated.
236
00:09:18,290 --> 00:09:19,809
No, you are.
237
00:09:19,893 --> 00:09:21,680
You haven't explained
any of the essential...
238
00:09:21,764 --> 00:09:23,049
Okay. Fine. Shh, shh.
239
00:09:23,133 --> 00:09:24,251
- It's all right. It's all right.
- Components.
240
00:09:24,335 --> 00:09:25,921
It's fine.
It's not a problem.
241
00:09:26,005 --> 00:09:27,157
It was a bad idea.
242
00:09:27,241 --> 00:09:28,511
Don't worry, it's fine.
243
00:09:34,957 --> 00:09:36,464
- 20 degrees.
- Right, which way?
244
00:09:36,549 --> 00:09:38,215
- I don't know.
- Fuck's sake, that's...
245
00:09:38,300 --> 00:09:39,983
That way.
246
00:09:40,067 --> 00:09:41,152
- No.
- What way was that?
247
00:09:41,236 --> 00:09:42,187
I don't know.
248
00:09:42,271 --> 00:09:43,844
Fuck me ragged.
249
00:09:54,596 --> 00:09:55,948
Hi.
250
00:09:56,032 --> 00:09:56,917
Hi, Mum.
251
00:09:57,001 --> 00:09:58,340
Aw.
252
00:09:59,873 --> 00:10:02,662
You were such a cute
little baby fatso.
253
00:10:02,746 --> 00:10:04,098
We used to call you
Kenny Podgers.
254
00:10:08,658 --> 00:10:10,711
You okay, Ava‐cado?
255
00:10:10,795 --> 00:10:12,368
Yeah.
256
00:10:13,100 --> 00:10:14,819
I've been a bit
of a dick to you lately.
257
00:10:14,903 --> 00:10:17,090
I'm so sorry.
258
00:10:17,174 --> 00:10:19,128
Do you wanna do something fun,
you and me?
259
00:10:19,212 --> 00:10:20,965
Like what?
260
00:10:25,257 --> 00:10:27,310
Wow! A tent bunk.
261
00:10:27,394 --> 00:10:29,582
I'd have loved one of these
at your age.
262
00:10:29,666 --> 00:10:31,085
Bit of a dust trap.
263
00:10:31,169 --> 00:10:33,256
Ah, no, it'd be so cool
in your room.
264
00:10:33,340 --> 00:10:36,262
Right, I'm going up.
You just keep watch.
265
00:10:36,346 --> 00:10:38,286
So graceful.
266
00:10:40,287 --> 00:10:42,975
Ah. Come on up.
It's lovely.
267
00:10:43,059 --> 00:10:44,609
It's like camping,
but it's nice.
268
00:10:46,166 --> 00:10:47,150
Come on.
269
00:10:47,234 --> 00:10:48,286
Hey, if you have a sleepover,
270
00:10:48,370 --> 00:10:49,622
your friend can go underneath,
271
00:10:49,706 --> 00:10:53,096
or they can snuggle up in here.
272
00:10:53,180 --> 00:10:54,899
Sorry.
273
00:10:54,983 --> 00:10:56,302
What, love?
274
00:10:56,386 --> 00:10:58,754
Sorry I hurt you
when I was born.
275
00:10:58,839 --> 00:10:59,973
I heard you and Dad.
276
00:11:00,058 --> 00:11:02,013
When? Oh, my God.
277
00:11:02,097 --> 00:11:04,118
I made you mental
and sucked the life out of you.
278
00:11:04,202 --> 00:11:06,155
No, no, no, no, no, no.
You didn't.
279
00:11:06,239 --> 00:11:07,859
Oh, my sweet thing.
280
00:11:07,943 --> 00:11:10,598
I didn't want you
to hear any of that.
281
00:11:10,682 --> 00:11:12,234
You were really sad
when I was born.
282
00:11:12,318 --> 00:11:14,401
Oh... God,
I can't stand you thinking
283
00:11:14,486 --> 00:11:15,893
that you ever made me sad,
no.
284
00:11:15,978 --> 00:11:17,879
- This bed, it's got a tent.
- Not now!
285
00:11:17,963 --> 00:11:19,783
Ava, look at me.
286
00:11:19,867 --> 00:11:22,120
It wasn't you, ever,
287
00:11:22,204 --> 00:11:24,626
and it was only
for a little while.
288
00:11:24,710 --> 00:11:26,328
Look, most new mums,
289
00:11:26,412 --> 00:11:28,475
they can get a bit wobbly,
290
00:11:28,560 --> 00:11:30,336
but they just...
they just don't admit it.
291
00:11:30,420 --> 00:11:33,430
It doesn't mean that they
don't love their babies.
292
00:11:34,262 --> 00:11:35,781
I loved you.
293
00:11:35,865 --> 00:11:38,206
I love you, okay?
294
00:11:44,148 --> 00:11:45,768
I'm worried
about the new baby.
295
00:11:45,852 --> 00:11:47,037
What? Oh.
296
00:11:47,121 --> 00:11:48,874
Oh, right. Ah, shit.
297
00:11:48,958 --> 00:11:50,009
Listen, we would have told you.
298
00:11:50,093 --> 00:11:51,947
It's just, it's...
it's so early,
299
00:11:52,031 --> 00:11:53,951
but please don't worry.
300
00:11:54,035 --> 00:11:56,088
We're still gonna love
you and Luke just the same.
301
00:11:56,172 --> 00:11:58,292
No, I'm worried
'cause you're an older mum.
302
00:11:58,376 --> 00:11:59,762
So many things could go wrong
303
00:11:59,846 --> 00:12:01,165
- with you and the baby.
- Oh.
304
00:12:01,249 --> 00:12:03,202
Well, Grace's mum had a baby
when she was 39,
305
00:12:03,286 --> 00:12:04,939
- so a lot younger than you.
- Right.
306
00:12:05,023 --> 00:12:06,676
And the doctor said
there was an increased risk
307
00:12:06,760 --> 00:12:08,914
of complications:
High blood pressure,
308
00:12:08,998 --> 00:12:11,085
miscarriage, stillbirth,
309
00:12:11,169 --> 00:12:12,421
even you dying.
310
00:12:12,505 --> 00:12:14,158
It's really dangerous
being a geriatric mum.
311
00:12:14,242 --> 00:12:15,694
Geriatric?
312
00:12:15,778 --> 00:12:17,330
Yeah, that's what
they called Grace's mum.
313
00:12:17,414 --> 00:12:19,301
If you're over 35,
you're geriatric.
314
00:12:19,385 --> 00:12:21,338
Jesus.
This is all a bit mad.
315
00:12:21,422 --> 00:12:24,044
- It is a bit mad.
- Yes, it... it is,
316
00:12:24,128 --> 00:12:26,182
but I promise I will
look after myself, okay?
317
00:12:26,266 --> 00:12:28,687
No booze, no cigarettes.
318
00:12:28,771 --> 00:12:32,728
I will eat kale and quinoa
and that horrible yogurt
319
00:12:32,812 --> 00:12:34,399
and all that
Gwyneth Paltrow shit,
320
00:12:34,483 --> 00:12:38,039
and I will drink
all of the water, all right?
321
00:12:38,123 --> 00:12:39,662
I love you.
322
00:12:42,899 --> 00:12:44,184
Do you want to use
one of my baby names?
323
00:12:44,268 --> 00:12:46,355
You have names
for your babies?
324
00:12:46,439 --> 00:12:49,361
Yep.
Taylor, Jaguar, Jo, Meg,
325
00:12:49,445 --> 00:12:52,133
Beth, Amy, Saoirse,
Serenity, and Salem.
326
00:12:52,217 --> 00:12:54,739
Aw, baby Jaguar.
327
00:12:54,823 --> 00:12:55,975
Actually,
you can't have that one.
328
00:12:56,059 --> 00:12:57,277
That's my favorite.
329
00:12:57,361 --> 00:12:59,248
Okay. You're my favorite.
330
00:12:59,332 --> 00:13:02,274
But don't tell Luke
or baby Jaguar, all right?
331
00:13:04,375 --> 00:13:06,095
Come on.
332
00:13:06,179 --> 00:13:07,651
Everything's gonna be fine.
333
00:13:08,584 --> 00:13:10,871
I promise.
334
00:13:16,500 --> 00:13:18,119
Cheers, can you stick
a battered sausage
335
00:13:18,203 --> 00:13:19,389
in there too, Nat?
336
00:13:19,473 --> 00:13:20,891
- Will do, mate.
- Thank you.
337
00:13:20,975 --> 00:13:22,160
Can I get a Fanta?
338
00:13:22,244 --> 00:13:23,397
There's a new lot
in the fridge out the back.
339
00:13:23,481 --> 00:13:24,732
You can pop through
and fetch one, Luke.
340
00:13:24,816 --> 00:13:25,901
Cheers.
341
00:13:25,985 --> 00:13:27,405
What's the damage?
342
00:13:27,489 --> 00:13:30,778
- £21.50.
- Oh, fuck, is it cash only?
343
00:13:30,862 --> 00:13:32,147
Until the card
what's‐his‐name is fixed, yeah.
344
00:13:32,231 --> 00:13:34,886
- Sorry, Paul.
- I'm a bit short. Uh...
345
00:13:34,970 --> 00:13:36,322
one second.
346
00:13:36,406 --> 00:13:37,925
Luke's a hoarder.
347
00:13:38,009 --> 00:13:40,417
He'll probably have some
shrapnel in here somewhere.
348
00:13:43,019 --> 00:13:44,405
The fuck?
349
00:13:44,489 --> 00:13:46,175
That's a bit "EastEnders"
drums, innit?
350
00:13:46,259 --> 00:13:48,466
Yeah, just a bit.
351
00:13:55,511 --> 00:13:57,030
What?
352
00:13:57,114 --> 00:13:58,467
It's the fucking lying
that gets me.
353
00:13:58,551 --> 00:14:00,036
I know. I'm sorry.
354
00:14:00,120 --> 00:14:01,038
I believed you!
355
00:14:01,122 --> 00:14:02,808
I was sympathetic.
356
00:14:02,892 --> 00:14:04,946
Your anxiety,
your panic attack.
357
00:14:05,030 --> 00:14:06,816
I really did
have a panic attack.
358
00:14:06,900 --> 00:14:08,553
That's why I've been smoking.
It calms me down.
359
00:14:08,637 --> 00:14:10,824
No, it doesn't;
It just calms the jitters
360
00:14:10,908 --> 00:14:12,360
you get
from nicotine withdrawal.
361
00:14:12,444 --> 00:14:14,298
I know about this stuff.
362
00:14:14,382 --> 00:14:16,235
- Fucking hell, it'll kill you.
- I know.
363
00:14:16,319 --> 00:14:18,139
Your lungs
are still developing.
364
00:14:18,223 --> 00:14:20,778
Look, I'm sorry.
I'll stop smoking.
365
00:14:20,862 --> 00:14:23,282
I've only had, like,
15 cigarettes in total.
366
00:14:23,366 --> 00:14:26,088
How can you even afford them?
They cost a fortune.
367
00:14:26,172 --> 00:14:28,025
I used the money
Granny Leah gave me.
368
00:14:28,109 --> 00:14:30,163
She gave you that to get
yourself something nice.
369
00:14:30,247 --> 00:14:31,365
Please don't tell her.
370
00:14:31,449 --> 00:14:33,235
I'll fucking do
as I like, mate.
371
00:14:33,319 --> 00:14:35,660
You're in no position
to tell me what to do.
372
00:14:36,426 --> 00:14:37,799
Fuck.
373
00:14:42,472 --> 00:14:45,861
You haven't said that I smoke
and am therefore a hypocrite.
374
00:14:45,945 --> 00:14:47,130
No, I know.
375
00:14:47,214 --> 00:14:48,500
I am a hypocrite.
I know it.
376
00:14:48,584 --> 00:14:51,373
But I'd rather be a hypocrite
than a fucking liar.
377
00:14:51,457 --> 00:14:52,842
I'll tell you, mate,
if I ever catch you
378
00:14:52,926 --> 00:14:55,113
with cigarettes again,
there will be hell to pay.
379
00:14:55,197 --> 00:14:56,516
- Got it?
- Got it.
380
00:14:56,600 --> 00:14:58,139
Good.
381
00:15:15,170 --> 00:15:16,389
Please stop.
382
00:15:16,473 --> 00:15:18,413
Please stop crying.
383
00:15:20,147 --> 00:15:21,933
Please, you can't be hungry.
384
00:15:22,017 --> 00:15:24,572
You've already had
a bucketload.
385
00:15:24,656 --> 00:15:26,308
Please, Ava.
386
00:15:26,392 --> 00:15:28,079
I haven't got anything left.
387
00:15:28,163 --> 00:15:30,603
I'm not a fucking dairy farm.
388
00:15:31,537 --> 00:15:32,521
Fine.
389
00:15:32,605 --> 00:15:34,124
Come on, then.
390
00:15:38,450 --> 00:15:40,604
No?
391
00:15:40,688 --> 00:15:43,009
Okay, so you're not hungry.
You're not wet.
392
00:15:43,093 --> 00:15:45,046
You're not windy.
You're not sleepy.
393
00:15:45,130 --> 00:15:47,885
What the fuck
could you possibly want?
394
00:15:51,610 --> 00:15:53,663
Oh.
395
00:15:53,747 --> 00:15:55,601
Oh, okay.
396
00:15:55,685 --> 00:15:57,571
Hello, smiler.
397
00:15:57,655 --> 00:15:59,442
Hi.
398
00:15:59,526 --> 00:16:01,579
Sorry about that.
399
00:16:01,663 --> 00:16:03,315
Hello.
400
00:16:07,274 --> 00:16:08,192
- Ally.
- Hi.
401
00:16:08,276 --> 00:16:09,327
Come in. Take a seat.
402
00:16:09,411 --> 00:16:11,001
I'll be with you
in just a minute.
403
00:16:12,351 --> 00:16:14,539
So I had my doubts...
well, we both did...
404
00:16:14,623 --> 00:16:17,645
um, but I thought and thought,
and yeah,
405
00:16:17,729 --> 00:16:21,118
I'm sure I wanna keep the baby.
406
00:16:21,202 --> 00:16:22,388
Right.
407
00:16:22,472 --> 00:16:24,659
You don't think I should
'cause of my age.
408
00:16:24,743 --> 00:16:27,230
Ally, I hate to be
the bearer of bad news,
409
00:16:27,314 --> 00:16:29,000
but you're not pregnant.
410
00:16:29,084 --> 00:16:30,036
I am.
411
00:16:30,120 --> 00:16:31,205
You're not.
412
00:16:31,289 --> 00:16:33,329
I am pregnant.
413
00:16:36,332 --> 00:16:38,587
How am... how am I not pregnant?
414
00:16:38,671 --> 00:16:40,223
I mean, I... how?
415
00:16:40,307 --> 00:16:42,127
I've been so hormonal.
416
00:16:42,211 --> 00:16:44,432
That's because
your HCG level is high.
417
00:16:44,516 --> 00:16:46,936
HCG is, indeed,
a pregnancy hormone,
418
00:16:47,020 --> 00:16:49,074
but also, in the early stages
of menopause,
419
00:16:49,158 --> 00:16:50,511
your HCG can spike...
420
00:16:50,595 --> 00:16:52,300
Early, sorry, what?
421
00:16:53,333 --> 00:16:55,353
Basically, the symptoms
of perimenopause
422
00:16:55,437 --> 00:16:58,359
can be almost identical
to pregnancy.
423
00:16:58,443 --> 00:17:00,096
Menopause?
424
00:17:00,180 --> 00:17:01,599
Um...
425
00:17:01,683 --> 00:17:03,035
Hello!
426
00:17:03,119 --> 00:17:05,374
Peri.
Not quite the menopause.
427
00:17:05,458 --> 00:17:08,045
Sorry, but do you know
how old I am?
428
00:17:08,129 --> 00:17:10,517
It's on here, yes.
429
00:17:10,601 --> 00:17:13,490
Well, so it's...
it's just...
430
00:17:13,574 --> 00:17:14,725
menopause?
431
00:17:14,809 --> 00:17:17,363
It is early
but not that unusual.
432
00:17:17,447 --> 00:17:19,435
Have you been having
irregular periods?
433
00:17:19,519 --> 00:17:21,238
Anxiety?
434
00:17:21,322 --> 00:17:22,575
Yes, but...
435
00:17:22,659 --> 00:17:25,481
Any hot flushes
or issues with memory?
436
00:17:25,565 --> 00:17:27,250
Fucking hell.
437
00:17:27,334 --> 00:17:29,054
I thought that was just stress
and lack of sleep
438
00:17:29,138 --> 00:17:31,426
and being pregnant.
439
00:17:31,510 --> 00:17:33,497
Let me print you out
a fact sheet.
440
00:17:33,581 --> 00:17:36,001
It's a lot to take in,
I do understand.
441
00:17:36,085 --> 00:17:37,505
Yeah, going
from being pregnant
442
00:17:37,589 --> 00:17:39,307
to being I don't know what,
um...
443
00:17:39,391 --> 00:17:40,209
Take some time to read.
444
00:17:40,293 --> 00:17:42,147
Barren.
445
00:17:42,231 --> 00:17:44,271
That's it. I'm barren.
446
00:17:44,469 --> 00:17:45,687
You coul
d still get pregnant.
447
00:17:45,771 --> 00:17:46,990
- Could I?
- Yes.
448
00:17:47,074 --> 00:17:48,359
It wouldn't be easy.
449
00:17:48,443 --> 00:17:49,996
It would most probably
need to be
450
00:17:50,080 --> 00:17:51,331
via assisted conception,
451
00:17:51,415 --> 00:17:52,635
- IVF.
- Right.
452
00:17:52,719 --> 00:17:54,171
But doesn't that
always mean twins?
453
00:17:54,255 --> 00:17:56,208
Not necessarily.
454
00:17:56,292 --> 00:17:59,181
But you do get a lot of twins.
455
00:17:59,265 --> 00:18:01,940
Oh. Vaginal dryness.
456
00:18:06,345 --> 00:18:08,265
- Hi.
- Hey.
457
00:18:08,349 --> 00:18:10,537
Ooh. Look at that.
458
00:18:10,621 --> 00:18:12,140
Hey, guess
what I found today.
459
00:18:12,224 --> 00:18:13,342
What?
460
00:18:13,426 --> 00:18:14,745
Packet of cigarettes
in Luke's bag.
461
00:18:14,829 --> 00:18:16,416
No way!
He said he wasn't smoking.
462
00:18:16,500 --> 00:18:17,651
He was lying.
463
00:18:17,735 --> 00:18:19,154
Turns out,
he's a really good liar,
464
00:18:19,238 --> 00:18:21,124
which is gonna make
the next few years interesting.
465
00:18:21,208 --> 00:18:22,728
Said they help him
with his panic attacks.
466
00:18:22,812 --> 00:18:25,032
- Bollocks.
- No, I know.
467
00:18:25,116 --> 00:18:26,569
How was your day?
468
00:18:28,122 --> 00:18:29,207
I'm not pregnant.
469
00:18:29,291 --> 00:18:31,613
- Yeah, you are.
- That's what I said.
470
00:18:31,697 --> 00:18:33,817
So the... the tests are wrong.
471
00:18:33,901 --> 00:18:35,521
Can that... can that happen?
You did three.
472
00:18:35,605 --> 00:18:38,359
Yeah, well, it...
it's a mad hormone thing.
473
00:18:38,443 --> 00:18:42,468
I'm not pregnant.
I am perimenopausal.
474
00:18:42,552 --> 00:18:44,472
Don't say that sounds
like a '50s pop star.
475
00:18:44,556 --> 00:18:46,175
I wasn't.
476
00:18:46,259 --> 00:18:47,697
Sure.
477
00:18:49,866 --> 00:18:52,320
So how are we feeling
about that?
478
00:18:52,404 --> 00:18:54,492
Um, well, it's a...
479
00:18:54,576 --> 00:18:56,696
it's a relief, isn't it?
480
00:18:56,780 --> 00:18:58,733
Yes.
481
00:18:58,817 --> 00:19:00,758
Yes, it is a relief.
482
00:19:02,291 --> 00:19:03,242
Shall we?
483
00:19:03,326 --> 00:19:04,344
Not in your condition.
484
00:19:04,428 --> 00:19:05,514
What condition's that,
485
00:19:05,598 --> 00:19:06,783
being one of the fucking
Golden Girls?
486
00:19:08,937 --> 00:19:10,323
Wait up, Blanche.
487
00:19:15,450 --> 00:19:17,103
You still got
that battered sausage?
488
00:19:17,187 --> 00:19:18,440
I'll give you
a battered sausage.
489
00:19:21,496 --> 00:19:24,552
Oh, you absolute
fucking genius.
490
00:19:24,636 --> 00:19:25,908
- Mmm, mmm.
- Hiya, Mum.
491
00:19:27,174 --> 00:19:28,393
Everything all right?
492
00:19:28,477 --> 00:19:30,430
Yeah, yeah. All good.
493
00:19:30,514 --> 00:19:32,233
Dad told me about you smoking
494
00:19:32,317 --> 00:19:34,337
- and you lying about smoking.
- Yeah.
495
00:19:34,421 --> 00:19:36,876
I'm really sorry for lying
and smoking.
496
00:19:36,960 --> 00:19:39,715
- I'll stop. Smoking's dumb.
- So dumb.
497
00:19:39,799 --> 00:19:41,184
You've got
your breathing exercises
498
00:19:41,268 --> 00:19:42,621
to help with your anxiety,
499
00:19:42,705 --> 00:19:45,394
your mindfulness tips,
your one‐to‐ten scale.
500
00:19:45,478 --> 00:19:47,898
Nicotine is a stimulant.
It doesn't calm you down.
501
00:19:47,982 --> 00:19:49,735
Yeah, everyone
experiments, Luke,
502
00:19:49,819 --> 00:19:51,439
but, you know,
don't go any further.
503
00:19:51,523 --> 00:19:52,875
I'm addicted.
I can't give up.
504
00:19:52,959 --> 00:19:54,712
Although I can just enjoy
the odd one now and again.
505
00:19:54,796 --> 00:19:56,849
- That's really bad advice.
- Yeah, sorry.
506
00:19:56,933 --> 00:19:58,453
Do you want some tea?
507
00:19:58,537 --> 00:20:00,289
- Yeah, please.
- Yeah, all right. Thanks.
508
00:20:00,373 --> 00:20:01,643
Thanks, man.
509
00:20:05,283 --> 00:20:06,368
What are we gonna do
with him?
510
00:20:06,452 --> 00:20:07,925
Mm.
511
00:20:09,459 --> 00:20:12,313
So our fictional baby,
512
00:20:12,397 --> 00:20:15,319
would she or he have been a mix
513
00:20:15,403 --> 00:20:16,856
of Luke and Ava, do you think,
514
00:20:16,940 --> 00:20:19,160
or someone totally new?
515
00:20:19,244 --> 00:20:21,766
New but with bits of them,
probably.
516
00:20:21,850 --> 00:20:23,403
Mm.
517
00:20:23,487 --> 00:20:25,206
And maybe different bits
of us, better bits.
518
00:20:25,290 --> 00:20:26,409
Yeah.
519
00:20:28,530 --> 00:20:30,617
It's... it's a relief, innit,
520
00:20:30,701 --> 00:20:34,458
not having to deal
with all the new‐baby madness?
521
00:20:34,542 --> 00:20:36,863
Yeah. It's sad too.
522
00:20:36,947 --> 00:20:38,533
Oh, yeah.
523
00:20:38,617 --> 00:20:40,604
It is sad.
524
00:20:40,688 --> 00:20:42,608
I'm sad about it.
525
00:20:42,692 --> 00:20:45,279
I am sad about it.
526
00:20:49,506 --> 00:20:50,524
If you were a pendulum...
527
00:20:50,608 --> 00:20:51,631
Fuck off.