1
00:00:01,930 --> 00:00:03,758
Morty?!
2
00:00:04,899 --> 00:00:06,328
- Morty!
- Rick?
3
00:00:06,429 --> 00:00:08,796
- Hey, Morty?!
- Rick?
4
00:00:08,832 --> 00:00:11,672
Are you far away,
or are you inside something?
5
00:00:11,844 --> 00:00:13,172
Is this a camera?
6
00:00:13,383 --> 00:00:14,844
Is everything a camera?
7
00:00:14,891 --> 00:00:16,518
Morty, the garage, Morty.
8
00:00:16,569 --> 00:00:18,000
Come to the garage!
9
00:00:18,273 --> 00:00:19,303
Morty?
10
00:00:19,366 --> 00:00:21,203
Rick? W-where are you?
11
00:00:21,259 --> 00:00:22,508
On my work bench, Morty.
12
00:00:22,544 --> 00:00:24,598
Are you invisible and you're
gonna, like, fart on me?
13
00:00:24,633 --> 00:00:25,652
Flip the pickle over.
14
00:00:25,688 --> 00:00:26,859
What, I'm gonna touch it,
15
00:00:26,895 --> 00:00:28,945
and you're gonna tell me it's
an alien dick or something.
16
00:00:28,980 --> 00:00:30,445
Come on,
flip the pickle, Morty.
17
00:00:30,546 --> 00:00:33,203
You're not gonna regret it.
The payoff is huge.
18
00:00:33,478 --> 00:00:35,444
I turned myself
into a pickle, Morty!
19
00:00:35,508 --> 00:00:37,680
Boom! Big reveal...
I'm a pickle.
20
00:00:37,716 --> 00:00:38,892
What do you think about that?
21
00:00:38,927 --> 00:00:40,797
I turned myself
into a pickle!
22
00:00:40,977 --> 00:00:42,833
W-what are you just
staring at me for, bro.
23
00:00:42,880 --> 00:00:44,734
I turned myself
into a pickle, Morty!
24
00:00:44,789 --> 00:00:45,855
And? And?
25
00:00:45,891 --> 00:00:47,549
What more do you want
tacked on to this?
26
00:00:47,596 --> 00:00:50,286
I turned myself into a pickle,
and 9/11 was an inside job.
27
00:00:50,333 --> 00:00:51,709
Was it? Who cares, Morty?
28
00:00:51,756 --> 00:00:53,458
Global acts of terrorism
happen every day.
29
00:00:53,494 --> 00:00:55,568
Uh, here's something
that's never happened before...
30
00:00:55,603 --> 00:00:56,870
I'm a pickle.
31
00:00:56,906 --> 00:00:59,070
I'm Pickle Rick!
32
00:01:01,437 --> 00:01:05,238
♪♪
33
00:01:05,273 --> 00:01:09,166
♪♪
34
00:01:31,225 --> 00:01:34,596
♪♪
*RICK and MORTY*
Season 03 Episode 03
Title: "Pickle Rick"
35
00:01:35,111 --> 00:01:37,755
Are you going to,
I mean, you know,
36
00:01:37,802 --> 00:01:39,702
is this the first part
of some magic trick?
37
00:01:39,749 --> 00:01:41,859
I don't do magic,
Morty, I do science.
38
00:01:41,906 --> 00:01:43,972
One takes brains, the other
takes dark eye liner.
39
00:01:44,019 --> 00:01:45,963
Well, can you move?
Can you fly?
40
00:01:46,010 --> 00:01:47,633
I wouldn't be much
of a pickle if I could.
41
00:01:47,668 --> 00:01:50,768
All right, well, do pickles
live forever or...
42
00:01:50,826 --> 00:01:53,729
Morty, stop digging for hidden
layers and just be impressed.
43
00:01:53,830 --> 00:01:55,439
I'm a pickle.
I-I'm just trying
44
00:01:55,486 --> 00:01:56,966
to figure out
why you would do this...
45
00:01:57,010 --> 00:01:58,542
Why anyone would do this.
46
00:01:58,589 --> 00:02:00,889
The reason anyone would
do this is, if they could,
47
00:02:00,928 --> 00:02:03,050
which they can't,
would be because they could,
48
00:02:03,086 --> 00:02:04,135
which they can't.
49
00:02:04,171 --> 00:02:06,275
Morty, we have to get going,
or we're gonna be late.
50
00:02:06,311 --> 00:02:08,168
- Where's your grandpa?
- Right here, sweetie.
51
00:02:08,204 --> 00:02:09,619
I'm a pickle! What?!
52
00:02:09,655 --> 00:02:11,018
Why would you... ugh!
53
00:02:11,166 --> 00:02:12,739
Look, we're running late.
We have to go.
54
00:02:12,775 --> 00:02:14,034
Where are you guys going?
55
00:02:14,151 --> 00:02:16,493
We have an appointment
downtown
56
00:02:16,529 --> 00:02:19,288
that was set a week ago
and agreed upon by everyone,
57
00:02:19,335 --> 00:02:20,362
including you.
58
00:02:20,398 --> 00:02:23,621
Oh, my God. Beth, oh,
it totally slipped my mind.
59
00:02:23,691 --> 00:02:25,769
Geez, oh, man.
I'm a pickle.
60
00:02:25,823 --> 00:02:27,855
I mean, I don't know
if I can... ooh, geez.
61
00:02:27,891 --> 00:02:30,686
Rick, did you do this on purpose
to get out of family counseling?
62
00:02:30,733 --> 00:02:32,110
- Morty!
- It's okay, Beth.
63
00:02:32,146 --> 00:02:33,622
I understand
Morty's suspicion.
64
00:02:33,669 --> 00:02:35,118
I've misled him before.
65
00:02:35,266 --> 00:02:37,860
Morty, turn me so we're
making eye contact.
66
00:02:38,383 --> 00:02:41,602
Morty, I assure you,
I would never find a way
67
00:02:41,665 --> 00:02:43,508
to get out of family therapy.
68
00:02:43,641 --> 00:02:45,266
I hope my lack
of fingers doesn't prevent
69
00:02:45,302 --> 00:02:46,891
the perception
of my air quotes.
70
00:02:46,927 --> 00:02:48,782
Can't you just turn yourself
back into a human?
71
00:02:48,829 --> 00:02:49,886
Great question, Summer.
72
00:02:49,922 --> 00:02:51,199
The unfortunate answer is
73
00:02:51,235 --> 00:02:52,719
I did this
to challenge myself.
74
00:02:52,762 --> 00:02:54,758
And it could take
hours or even days
75
00:02:54,797 --> 00:02:57,079
before I'm able to figure out
how to return to human form.
76
00:02:57,165 --> 00:02:59,074
But, I mean, you know,
your mom could put me
77
00:02:59,110 --> 00:03:00,404
in a purse or a pocket,
you know,
78
00:03:00,451 --> 00:03:01,505
if she really needs me to go.
79
00:03:01,540 --> 00:03:03,949
Nobody needs anything.
Okay, it's fine.
80
00:03:03,985 --> 00:03:05,605
I mean, you should just
stay here and figure out
81
00:03:05,641 --> 00:03:06,955
how to stop being
a pickle, okay?
82
00:03:07,002 --> 00:03:09,892
Hey, Rick, why is there
a syringe of mysterious fluid
83
00:03:09,939 --> 00:03:11,360
hanging directly over you?
84
00:03:11,396 --> 00:03:13,922
Also, why is the string
attached to it running through
85
00:03:13,976 --> 00:03:15,785
a pair of scissors
attached to a timer?
86
00:03:15,821 --> 00:03:17,933
And why is the time set
to 10 minutes from now,
87
00:03:17,985 --> 00:03:20,930
exactly when we would
have left for therapy?
88
00:03:21,665 --> 00:03:23,855
Well, Morty, if you know
must know,
89
00:03:23,891 --> 00:03:26,496
the syringe is completely
unrelated to this discussion,
90
00:03:26,532 --> 00:03:28,522
and, therefore, it does not
warrant further explanation.
91
00:03:28,557 --> 00:03:31,180
Enough. Kids, it's time to go.
We don't want to be late.
92
00:03:31,227 --> 00:03:32,766
W-W-What are you
doing there, Beth?
93
00:03:32,802 --> 00:03:33,931
W-W-What are you doing there,
sweetie?
94
00:03:33,966 --> 00:03:35,804
Well, I mean, you don't
want to get pierced by a needle
95
00:03:35,839 --> 00:03:37,852
full of liquid unrelated
to your situation.
96
00:03:37,888 --> 00:03:38,888
How's that gonna help?
97
00:03:39,125 --> 00:03:40,425
Can't argue with that.
98
00:03:40,469 --> 00:03:41,844
Great. We'll see you later.
99
00:03:41,883 --> 00:03:43,020
Hey, hey,
be careful with that.
100
00:03:43,055 --> 00:03:44,322
It's for something else.
101
00:03:44,357 --> 00:03:45,297
It's really important,
102
00:03:45,333 --> 00:03:46,998
so don't break it.
103
00:03:47,571 --> 00:03:49,844
Okay, I may have
up here.
104
00:03:51,411 --> 00:03:54,436
Dup, ap, ap, pap, ut,
dah, pap, pap, pap, pah.
105
00:03:54,483 --> 00:03:56,038
T-t-tah, tah.
106
00:04:06,395 --> 00:04:08,671
Oh, great.
107
00:04:09,025 --> 00:04:10,447
Stupid cat.
108
00:04:12,243 --> 00:04:13,779
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
I know what it looks like
109
00:04:13,814 --> 00:04:15,212
to you, Izzy,
but I'm not a snake!
110
00:04:15,259 --> 00:04:17,256
I've seen the YouTube videos,
I know cats are scared
111
00:04:17,291 --> 00:04:19,084
of cucumbers and pickles because
they think they're snakes.
112
00:04:19,119 --> 00:04:20,136
I'm not a snake!
113
00:04:20,171 --> 00:04:22,030
I'm a pickle, I'm a pickle!
114
00:04:22,077 --> 00:04:23,098
Whoa!
115
00:04:23,145 --> 00:04:25,434
Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa!
116
00:04:26,937 --> 00:04:29,722
Oh, crap, that sun is bright.
117
00:04:30,447 --> 00:04:31,668
Okay, come on.
118
00:04:31,704 --> 00:04:33,131
This can't really be
the way I go out.
119
00:04:33,166 --> 00:04:34,743
This is the mega-genius
equivalent
120
00:04:34,790 --> 00:04:37,011
of dying on the toilet.
121
00:04:37,783 --> 00:04:40,448
So hot.
122
00:04:40,751 --> 00:04:42,878
This is how I'm gonna die.
123
00:04:52,162 --> 00:04:54,269
Oh, God, moisture.
124
00:04:54,534 --> 00:04:56,787
Oh, God, the moisture...
Dial it back, God.
125
00:04:56,847 --> 00:04:58,722
Dial it back a little bit here!
126
00:04:58,840 --> 00:05:00,121
Oh! Oh.
127
00:05:03,477 --> 00:05:04,498
Oh, God!
128
00:05:04,590 --> 00:05:06,542
Perpendicular, perpendicular!
129
00:05:06,589 --> 00:05:08,210
Oh, shit!
130
00:05:08,257 --> 00:05:10,212
Oh! Oh!
131
00:05:18,099 --> 00:05:20,232
Oh! Ahoh!
132
00:05:27,957 --> 00:05:29,724
Come on. That's it.
133
00:05:29,823 --> 00:05:31,589
Come get this delicious brine.
134
00:05:31,847 --> 00:05:32,982
Aah!
135
00:05:35,111 --> 00:05:37,112
- Come on!
- Come on, mother-!
136
00:05:37,152 --> 00:05:38,740
Come on!
137
00:05:59,388 --> 00:06:01,585
Yes!
138
00:06:01,632 --> 00:06:03,779
How is this even
family therapy
139
00:06:03,822 --> 00:06:06,144
if Dad's not invited
and Grandpa won't come?
140
00:06:06,180 --> 00:06:08,514
Yeah, and what's courageous
about eating a hot dog?
141
00:06:08,580 --> 00:06:10,756
It's nobody's choice
to be here, you knobs.
142
00:06:10,792 --> 00:06:13,482
The family was told to get
counseling by your principal,
143
00:06:13,518 --> 00:06:15,263
even though it's not
the family that was
144
00:06:15,342 --> 00:06:17,592
huffing pottery glaze
in the art room
145
00:06:17,681 --> 00:06:19,714
and desk wetting
in history class.
146
00:06:20,206 --> 00:06:21,506
Oh, the Smith family,
147
00:06:21,560 --> 00:06:22,740
minus a dad.
148
00:06:22,776 --> 00:06:24,509
You're patients
of Dr. Wong, too?
149
00:06:24,545 --> 00:06:26,568
Temporarily...
By order of the school.
150
00:06:26,604 --> 00:06:29,763
Me too. How long have
you all been eating poop?
151
00:06:30,239 --> 00:06:32,638
We... have never...
152
00:06:32,701 --> 00:06:33,674
eaten poop.
153
00:06:33,717 --> 00:06:35,526
Uh, me, neither.
154
00:06:35,623 --> 00:06:38,428
Say, where did my family
get off to?
155
00:06:38,818 --> 00:06:40,702
Smith family,
I'm Dr. Wong.
156
00:06:40,738 --> 00:06:42,224
Come on in.
157
00:06:46,263 --> 00:06:48,977
I was told there was a grandpa
that might be joining us?
158
00:06:49,092 --> 00:06:51,310
He got wrapped up
in an experiment.
159
00:06:51,443 --> 00:06:53,003
He's a scientist.
160
00:06:53,050 --> 00:06:55,423
Like, legit,
like on a an inter-galactic,
161
00:06:55,459 --> 00:06:57,029
sci-fi level.
His work is very...
162
00:06:57,065 --> 00:06:58,346
He turned himself
into a pickle.
163
00:06:58,381 --> 00:07:00,467
Morty, Mom's talking.
I'm sorry.
164
00:07:00,503 --> 00:07:02,298
I suppose that's a good segue
165
00:07:02,334 --> 00:07:04,638
into our little
discipline cases here.
166
00:07:04,742 --> 00:07:07,451
Does Grandpa turn himself
into a pickle a lot?
167
00:07:07,553 --> 00:07:10,654
What?! No!
What kind of question is that?
168
00:07:10,701 --> 00:07:13,506
The kind that wasn't designed to
attack or hurt you in any way.
169
00:07:13,607 --> 00:07:15,959
Oh, Jesus Christ,
one of these.
170
00:07:16,045 --> 00:07:19,545
No, my father has never turned
himself into a pickle before.
171
00:07:19,581 --> 00:07:21,625
He's unpredictable
and eccentric.
172
00:07:21,685 --> 00:07:24,154
The whole family is.
Speaking of which...
173
00:07:24,248 --> 00:07:27,049
Okay, let's open things up
to the whole family,
174
00:07:27,096 --> 00:07:28,795
and let me ask this.
175
00:07:29,170 --> 00:07:32,678
Why do we think Grandpa
turned himself into a pickle?
176
00:07:41,310 --> 00:07:43,326
Wow. Ugh!
177
00:07:46,467 --> 00:07:48,545
Hey, listen, I know this
is your world not mine.
178
00:07:48,581 --> 00:07:50,549
The sooner I can get out,
the sooner I can go back
179
00:07:50,584 --> 00:07:54,013
to taking big craps, and you can
go back to subsisting on them.
180
00:07:54,456 --> 00:07:56,144
You are one driven rat.
181
00:07:56,271 --> 00:08:00,182
Could you be
a little more driven?
182
00:08:00,218 --> 00:08:02,163
To the right.
183
00:08:03,287 --> 00:08:04,646
Yes, yes, yes!
184
00:08:04,682 --> 00:08:06,849
Come on, come on, come on!
Fresh, fresh, fresh!
185
00:08:07,102 --> 00:08:09,057
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
was this your friend?
186
00:08:09,104 --> 00:08:12,709
Don't worry, he died doing what
he loved, being a dumb... rat.
187
00:08:17,980 --> 00:08:21,737
♪
188
00:08:33,450 --> 00:08:35,172
Oh, yeah!
189
00:08:58,487 --> 00:08:59,696
Aaaah!
190
00:09:00,155 --> 00:09:01,712
I didn't say
my father is perfect,
191
00:09:01,748 --> 00:09:03,228
I said his work is important.
192
00:09:03,264 --> 00:09:04,941
And she's saying
what's important is
193
00:09:05,004 --> 00:09:07,104
that Grandpa lied to you
to get out of coming here.
194
00:09:07,229 --> 00:09:08,118
Oh, he did not!
195
00:09:08,154 --> 00:09:09,642
Let's do an experiment here.
196
00:09:09,771 --> 00:09:11,871
I get the impression
this family values science.
197
00:09:12,267 --> 00:09:14,389
So raise your hand
if you feel certain
198
00:09:14,436 --> 00:09:16,657
you know what was
in the syringe.
199
00:09:17,501 --> 00:09:19,790
Raise your hand if
you know for certain
200
00:09:19,826 --> 00:09:23,275
the syringe does not
contain anti-pickle serum.
201
00:09:24,603 --> 00:09:26,289
Beth, your hand did
a little thing there.
202
00:09:26,336 --> 00:09:27,926
Do you really not see
what's happening here?
203
00:09:27,961 --> 00:09:29,548
Tell me. Well, Dr. Wong...
204
00:09:29,642 --> 00:09:31,106
By the way, racist name...
205
00:09:31,175 --> 00:09:33,375
Obviously, Morty and Summer
are seizing on your
206
00:09:33,411 --> 00:09:35,618
arbitrary pickle obsession
as an end run
207
00:09:35,654 --> 00:09:37,860
around what was supposed
to be their therapy.
208
00:09:37,900 --> 00:09:39,564
Oh, I think
this pickle incident
209
00:09:39,634 --> 00:09:41,228
is a better path
than any other
210
00:09:41,314 --> 00:09:43,073
to the heart of
your family's dysfunction.
211
00:09:43,189 --> 00:09:45,173
I think it's possible
that you and your father
212
00:09:45,290 --> 00:09:47,329
have a very specific dynamic.
213
00:09:47,397 --> 00:09:48,525
I don't think it's one
214
00:09:48,561 --> 00:09:50,509
that rewards emotion
or vulnerability.
215
00:09:50,548 --> 00:09:51,868
I think it may punish them.
216
00:09:51,904 --> 00:09:54,384
I think it's possible that
dynamic eroded your marriage,
217
00:09:54,525 --> 00:09:56,275
and is infecting
your kids with a tendency
218
00:09:56,311 --> 00:09:58,423
to misdirect their feelings.
219
00:09:58,915 --> 00:09:59,969
you.
220
00:10:00,005 --> 00:10:01,017
- Mom!
- Mom!
221
00:10:01,053 --> 00:10:02,152
both of you, too.
222
00:10:04,446 --> 00:10:06,252
By the way, you might
notice that in spite of
223
00:10:06,299 --> 00:10:08,251
your numerous
distinctive features,
224
00:10:08,660 --> 00:10:11,812
I never gave you a name
like Scar or Stripe or Goliath.
225
00:10:12,216 --> 00:10:14,189
That's because, to me,
you aren't special.
226
00:10:14,227 --> 00:10:16,376
You were special to rats.
Now they're dead.
227
00:10:16,501 --> 00:10:18,520
I guess it was me
you should have impressed.
228
00:10:19,001 --> 00:10:21,289
God damn it, I love myself.
229
00:10:31,384 --> 00:10:33,343
Pickle Rick!
230
00:10:47,634 --> 00:10:48,814
Get that parkour.
231
00:10:48,927 --> 00:10:50,360
Get that parkour!
232
00:10:53,860 --> 00:10:55,079
- Aah!
- Hey, it's cool.
233
00:10:55,115 --> 00:10:56,715
Just need to find
the nearest exit.
234
00:10:56,751 --> 00:10:58,417
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
No need to freak out.
235
00:11:00,242 --> 00:11:01,451
Whoa!
236
00:11:02,349 --> 00:11:04,637
Who in the toilet
is this?
237
00:11:11,176 --> 00:11:12,363
What is it?
238
00:11:12,432 --> 00:11:14,850
A pickle? A rat? Both.
239
00:11:14,958 --> 00:11:16,615
It says it's a scientist.
240
00:11:16,650 --> 00:11:17,914
Where is it?
241
00:11:17,961 --> 00:11:19,794
It seems to be
using the air ducts
242
00:11:19,841 --> 00:11:21,566
and the mail tubes
to get around.
243
00:11:21,614 --> 00:11:24,032
It's been gathering
office supplies, we think,
244
00:11:24,079 --> 00:11:25,233
to build weaponry.
245
00:11:25,280 --> 00:11:27,331
But look what it
did on the mezzanine.
246
00:11:27,683 --> 00:11:31,940
It transferred a bottle from
the trash to the recycling bin.
247
00:11:32,222 --> 00:11:35,338
Whatever this thing is,
it's shaming us.
248
00:11:35,491 --> 00:11:37,758
We have 34 armed guards,
and we can't kill a pickle?
249
00:11:37,993 --> 00:11:40,072
32 armed guards.
250
00:11:40,197 --> 00:11:41,705
He killed two.
251
00:11:41,752 --> 00:11:43,103
It's on the phone.
252
00:11:43,181 --> 00:11:45,860
Put him on, and locate
the phone he's using.
253
00:11:45,994 --> 00:11:47,290
Hello.
254
00:11:47,326 --> 00:11:50,195
Hi, um, can you, uh,
please let me out.
255
00:11:50,259 --> 00:11:51,955
Your mere presence
in this building
256
00:11:52,088 --> 00:11:53,783
violates international law.
257
00:11:53,861 --> 00:11:56,829
I couldn't let you out even
if you hadn't killed two men.
258
00:11:56,907 --> 00:11:59,289
You should know
those men killed themselves.
259
00:11:59,345 --> 00:12:00,688
And how is that?
260
00:12:00,908 --> 00:12:02,822
They didn't
let me out.
261
00:12:02,858 --> 00:12:03,942
Solen'ya.
262
00:12:03,978 --> 00:12:05,218
Shut your mouth
and do your jobs,
263
00:12:05,253 --> 00:12:06,630
you children!
264
00:12:06,677 --> 00:12:08,243
Uh, is this not
a good time or...?
265
00:12:08,290 --> 00:12:11,305
Some of my men
are calling you "Solen'ya"...
266
00:12:11,430 --> 00:12:14,172
The Pickle Man,
an old wives tale.
267
00:12:14,317 --> 00:12:16,072
He crawls from
bowls of cold soup
268
00:12:16,119 --> 00:12:18,174
to steal the dreams
of wasteful children.
269
00:12:18,221 --> 00:12:19,696
That'd be
a lucky break for you.
270
00:12:19,732 --> 00:12:21,804
Go, shoot to kill.
271
00:12:22,458 --> 00:12:24,085
Aaah!
272
00:12:35,987 --> 00:12:37,065
We got him.
273
00:12:37,100 --> 00:12:38,137
- Ah.
- Ah.
274
00:12:38,173 --> 00:12:39,199
Because this pickle
275
00:12:39,235 --> 00:12:41,387
doesn't care
about your children.
276
00:12:41,848 --> 00:12:43,512
And I'm not gonna
take their dreams.
277
00:12:43,575 --> 00:12:45,716
I'm gonna take their parents.
278
00:13:03,174 --> 00:13:05,021
Solen'ya! He's coming!
279
00:13:05,068 --> 00:13:07,908
It's because I threw
half-way my sandwich!
280
00:13:08,049 --> 00:13:09,437
He's just a pickle!
281
00:13:09,484 --> 00:13:10,650
He's a monster.
282
00:13:10,719 --> 00:13:12,666
He's not the only one.
283
00:13:21,794 --> 00:13:25,154
You can stay, dead to the world
and die in this room.
284
00:13:25,693 --> 00:13:29,685
Or you can kill a pickle for me
and earn your freedom.
285
00:13:30,060 --> 00:13:33,599
There is no freedom while
you're leader breathes.
286
00:13:33,717 --> 00:13:35,739
Our country is a prison.
287
00:13:35,927 --> 00:13:37,662
Then Catarina is a prisoner.
288
00:13:37,729 --> 00:13:40,262
Perhaps I could arrange
her escape, as well.
289
00:13:40,630 --> 00:13:43,854
She lives, Jaguar.
290
00:13:44,076 --> 00:13:46,290
Where is this pickle?
291
00:13:46,544 --> 00:13:48,826
What do you think is
in the syringe, Beth?
292
00:13:48,873 --> 00:13:51,243
You're the one that costs
$200 an hour. You tell me.
293
00:13:51,279 --> 00:13:52,932
- Anti-pickle serum.
- It's anti-pickle serum.
294
00:13:52,967 --> 00:13:55,978
Your kids think it might be
anti-pickle serum.
295
00:13:56,025 --> 00:13:59,560
My kids pee their desks
and suck on unbaked vases.
296
00:13:59,662 --> 00:14:01,954
They're just angry at me
for divorcing their father.
297
00:14:01,990 --> 00:14:03,307
I never said
I was angry at you.
298
00:14:03,354 --> 00:14:05,721
That's the point of
pottery-enamel huffing, Summer.
299
00:14:05,768 --> 00:14:07,255
You do it so you
don't have to say
300
00:14:07,307 --> 00:14:09,177
"I'm angry at mommy"
out loud.
301
00:14:09,305 --> 00:14:10,568
Oh, my God! Oh, there...
302
00:14:10,693 --> 00:14:13,173
There's pictures of people
eating poop in there!
303
00:14:13,209 --> 00:14:16,887
It's not my job to take
sides or pass judgment.
304
00:14:17,021 --> 00:14:19,466
Do you think when your father
asks for that syringe,
305
00:14:19,502 --> 00:14:21,860
you could ask him... He won't
have to ask for it, okay?
306
00:14:21,896 --> 00:14:22,805
He won't need it.
307
00:14:22,852 --> 00:14:23,990
He'll just make more.
308
00:14:24,050 --> 00:14:26,123
He doesn't need
anything from anyone.
309
00:14:26,373 --> 00:14:28,685
You admire him for that.
310
00:14:29,465 --> 00:14:30,953
It's better than
making your problems
311
00:14:30,993 --> 00:14:32,248
other people's problems.
312
00:14:49,804 --> 00:14:50,923
Oh, come on!
313
00:15:01,760 --> 00:15:04,935
Pickle Man, you should
know this isn't personal!
314
00:15:04,982 --> 00:15:06,373
You should know
that isn't original.
315
00:15:06,408 --> 00:15:07,505
They have my daughter.
316
00:15:07,552 --> 00:15:09,580
There's nothing I won't do
to see her again.
317
00:15:09,642 --> 00:15:12,009
Yeah, there's lots I wouldn't do
to see my daughter,
318
00:15:12,056 --> 00:15:13,823
but killing you gets me
to her quicker
319
00:15:13,870 --> 00:15:15,858
than your derivative
bullshit.
320
00:15:20,431 --> 00:15:22,486
I never bullshit, Pickle Man.
321
00:15:22,549 --> 00:15:24,642
This can only end
with one of us dead,
322
00:15:24,728 --> 00:15:26,257
and I have never died.
323
00:15:26,304 --> 00:15:27,861
That will be your
downfall, Jaguar,
324
00:15:27,897 --> 00:15:30,869
not being open
to new experiences.
325
00:15:42,119 --> 00:15:43,586
Is it done?
326
00:15:43,932 --> 00:15:45,376
Jaguar?!
327
00:15:45,533 --> 00:15:47,389
Jaguar couldn't make it.
328
00:15:47,498 --> 00:15:48,541
Do it.
329
00:15:48,705 --> 00:15:50,721
Okay, you win, Pickle Man.
330
00:15:50,793 --> 00:15:52,092
I'm unsealing the building.
331
00:15:52,162 --> 00:15:54,189
No, thanks.
I'm coming for you now.
332
00:15:54,279 --> 00:15:57,557
Pickle Man, there's
$100 million worth of bonds
333
00:15:57,650 --> 00:15:58,923
in a safe on level two.
334
00:15:58,970 --> 00:16:00,135
I'll give you
the combination.
335
00:16:00,182 --> 00:16:01,992
That money belongs
to the people.
336
00:16:02,039 --> 00:16:04,189
Shut up and call me
a helicopter, you prick!
337
00:16:04,244 --> 00:16:05,478
Do we have a deal?!
338
00:16:05,557 --> 00:16:07,569
Take that money,
give it to Jaguar's daughter
339
00:16:07,605 --> 00:16:08,647
when you set her free.
340
00:16:08,683 --> 00:16:09,853
Or I'll be visiting you.
341
00:16:09,889 --> 00:16:11,310
Jaguar's daughter is dead.
342
00:16:11,346 --> 00:16:12,724
Huh, so you're a liar.
343
00:16:12,787 --> 00:16:14,138
Jaguar was an animal.
344
00:16:14,185 --> 00:16:15,918
You're an intelligent pickle.
345
00:16:15,965 --> 00:16:17,178
We can do business.
346
00:16:17,214 --> 00:16:19,134
I don't think so.
See you soon.
347
00:16:19,170 --> 00:16:20,767
- Is the helicopter here?
- Yes.
348
00:16:20,803 --> 00:16:22,076
And the police
are on the way.
349
00:16:22,131 --> 00:16:23,219
What do we tell them?
350
00:16:23,306 --> 00:16:24,415
Ooh! Aah!
351
00:16:24,462 --> 00:16:26,405
Tell them we were robbed.
352
00:16:30,826 --> 00:16:33,035
Hey!
Hey, what are you doing?!
353
00:16:33,082 --> 00:16:34,725
I'm right here!
354
00:16:35,451 --> 00:16:39,208
♪♪
355
00:16:49,285 --> 00:16:51,098
Farewell, Solen'ya.
356
00:16:55,619 --> 00:16:57,081
F-15s are scrambled.
357
00:16:57,128 --> 00:16:59,627
This helicopter will be
shot down in seven minutes.
358
00:16:59,697 --> 00:17:01,364
Well, my daughter
is about five away,
359
00:17:01,400 --> 00:17:02,783
and I've got about
eight to live.
360
00:17:02,819 --> 00:17:05,357
Pickle Man, it's too late
for me to tell my daughter
361
00:17:05,393 --> 00:17:06,900
I love her, but not for you.
362
00:17:07,018 --> 00:17:08,325
Oh, well, uh, she knows.
363
00:17:08,372 --> 00:17:10,162
I mean, we don't really
buy into that kind of crap,
364
00:17:10,197 --> 00:17:11,846
to the extent that love is
an expression
365
00:17:11,882 --> 00:17:14,316
of familiarity over time,
my access to infinite timelines
366
00:17:14,388 --> 00:17:16,189
precludes the necessity
of attachment.
367
00:17:16,314 --> 00:17:18,846
In fact, I even abandoned
one of my infinite daughters
368
00:17:18,893 --> 00:17:20,310
in an alternate
version of earth
369
00:17:20,346 --> 00:17:22,158
that was taken over
by mutants.
370
00:17:22,893 --> 00:17:24,942
Okay. Good luck with that.
371
00:17:25,033 --> 00:17:27,222
Wait. Do I have
infinite daughters?
372
00:17:27,269 --> 00:17:30,292
Huh? Uh, no.
No, nope, sorry about that.
373
00:17:30,339 --> 00:17:32,072
Nope, just me.
374
00:17:33,408 --> 00:17:34,964
Yeesh!
375
00:17:36,893 --> 00:17:38,080
I...
376
00:17:38,302 --> 00:17:39,713
am...
377
00:17:39,800 --> 00:17:41,288
afraid...
378
00:17:41,429 --> 00:17:42,932
that my kids
will get expelled.
379
00:17:43,052 --> 00:17:44,682
Good. Summer, you go.
380
00:17:44,752 --> 00:17:47,031
I am mad...
381
00:17:47,127 --> 00:17:49,033
that I can't huff enamel
382
00:17:49,212 --> 00:17:52,178
without people assuming
it's because my family sucks.
383
00:17:52,225 --> 00:17:55,467
I hope to be seen one day
384
00:17:55,503 --> 00:17:57,279
as someone that just
likes getting high.
385
00:17:57,365 --> 00:17:58,454
Good job.
386
00:17:58,490 --> 00:18:00,287
Morty, do you have
an "I" statement?
387
00:18:00,768 --> 00:18:03,745
I am sad...
388
00:18:03,983 --> 00:18:05,149
that I peed.
389
00:18:05,207 --> 00:18:08,811
I-I-I'm sad that I peed in class
instead of a toilet.
390
00:18:08,889 --> 00:18:11,989
Look at this family go.
You guys are pros.
391
00:18:12,084 --> 00:18:14,949
What do you guys think about
doing this once a week?
392
00:18:16,640 --> 00:18:18,678
Ugh.
393
00:18:25,647 --> 00:18:27,342
- You must be Rick.
- Mm-hmm.
394
00:18:27,404 --> 00:18:29,128
I've heard a lot
about you today.
395
00:18:29,164 --> 00:18:31,141
Your family
is crazy about you.
396
00:18:31,207 --> 00:18:33,349
Your daughter holds you
in very high regard.
397
00:18:33,389 --> 00:18:34,361
You're a lucky fella.
398
00:18:34,397 --> 00:18:36,258
Yeah, thank you.
Uh, sweetie, you don't still
399
00:18:36,305 --> 00:18:38,569
happen to have that
syringe in your purse?
400
00:18:41,946 --> 00:18:43,420
Dad...
401
00:18:43,524 --> 00:18:47,946
I would like you to tell me
what's in the syringe.
402
00:18:48,047 --> 00:18:51,977
It's a serum that I need to,
uh, to stay alive.
403
00:18:52,172 --> 00:18:55,125
I have had a rough day.
404
00:18:55,212 --> 00:18:58,469
And, uh, I've sustained
a lot of damage.
405
00:18:58,516 --> 00:19:01,250
I'm pretty close to death,
which the serum will prevent.
406
00:19:01,297 --> 00:19:04,201
By changing you from
a pickle to a human.
407
00:19:04,330 --> 00:19:05,573
Yes.
408
00:19:05,663 --> 00:19:08,216
Rick, why did you lie
to your daughter?
409
00:19:09,334 --> 00:19:10,571
So I wouldn't
have to come here.
410
00:19:10,606 --> 00:19:12,216
Why didn't you want
to come here?
411
00:19:12,263 --> 00:19:14,920
Because I don't respect therapy,
because I'm a scientist.
412
00:19:14,982 --> 00:19:17,138
Because I invent, transform,
create, and destroy
413
00:19:17,177 --> 00:19:18,190
for a living, and when
I don't like something
414
00:19:18,225 --> 00:19:19,931
about the world, I change it.
415
00:19:19,978 --> 00:19:22,149
And I don't think going to
a rented office in a strip mall
416
00:19:22,184 --> 00:19:23,994
to listen to some
agent of averageness
417
00:19:24,030 --> 00:19:25,848
explain which words
mean which feelings
418
00:19:25,884 --> 00:19:27,337
has ever helped
anyone do anything.
419
00:19:27,415 --> 00:19:29,041
I think it's helped a lot
of people get comfortable
420
00:19:29,076 --> 00:19:31,168
and stop panicking,
which is a state of mind
421
00:19:31,204 --> 00:19:32,986
we value
in the animals we eat,
422
00:19:33,022 --> 00:19:34,633
but not something
I want for myself.
423
00:19:34,790 --> 00:19:35,828
I'm not a cow.
424
00:19:35,930 --> 00:19:38,053
I'm a pickle...
When I feel like it.
425
00:19:38,100 --> 00:19:40,611
So... you asked.
426
00:19:40,875 --> 00:19:43,113
Rick, the only
connection between
427
00:19:43,160 --> 00:19:45,394
your unquestionable
intelligence and the sickness
428
00:19:45,441 --> 00:19:48,330
destroying your family
is that everyone in your family,
429
00:19:48,377 --> 00:19:51,685
you included, use intelligence
to justify sickness.
430
00:19:51,912 --> 00:19:54,626
You seem to alternate
between viewing your own mind
431
00:19:54,670 --> 00:19:58,328
as an unstoppable force
and as an inescapable curse.
432
00:19:58,375 --> 00:19:59,998
And I think
it's because the only
433
00:20:00,060 --> 00:20:02,166
truly unapproachable
concept for you
434
00:20:02,202 --> 00:20:04,857
is that it's your mind
within your control.
435
00:20:05,013 --> 00:20:07,724
You chose to come here,
you chose to talk
436
00:20:07,912 --> 00:20:11,748
to belittle my vocation, just as
you chose to become a pickle.
437
00:20:11,880 --> 00:20:14,007
You are the master
of your universe,
438
00:20:14,062 --> 00:20:16,595
and yet you are dripping
with rat blood and feces.
439
00:20:16,720 --> 00:20:19,990
Your enormous mind literally
vegetating by your own hand.
440
00:20:20,099 --> 00:20:22,779
I have no doubt that
you would be bored senseless
441
00:20:22,815 --> 00:20:25,717
by therapy, the same way
I'm bored when I brush my teeth
442
00:20:25,756 --> 00:20:26,818
and wipe my ass.
443
00:20:26,880 --> 00:20:28,466
Because the thing
about repairing,
444
00:20:28,554 --> 00:20:32,266
maintaining, and cleaning is
it's not an adventure.
445
00:20:32,376 --> 00:20:34,682
There's no way to do it
so wrong you might die.
446
00:20:34,823 --> 00:20:36,346
It's just work.
447
00:20:36,382 --> 00:20:37,504
And the bottom line is,
448
00:20:37,540 --> 00:20:40,839
some people are okay going
to work, and some people...
449
00:20:41,171 --> 00:20:43,336
well, some people
would rather die.
450
00:20:43,478 --> 00:20:45,806
Each of us gets to choose.
451
00:20:48,619 --> 00:20:49,839
That's our time.
452
00:20:49,901 --> 00:20:51,415
I'm going to
give you guys my card
453
00:20:51,462 --> 00:20:52,629
and hope to hear
from you again.
454
00:20:52,664 --> 00:20:54,616
And if you have any friends
or family that eat poop
455
00:20:54,651 --> 00:20:57,132
and would like to stop,
give them my number.
456
00:20:59,799 --> 00:21:01,221
I, um...
457
00:21:01,589 --> 00:21:03,438
I'm sorry I lied
to get out of the thing.
458
00:21:03,474 --> 00:21:04,660
I... I shouldn't lie to you.
459
00:21:04,696 --> 00:21:05,750
Oh, it's fine.
460
00:21:05,786 --> 00:21:08,113
I mean, thank you,
and, yeah, you shouldn't.
461
00:21:08,148 --> 00:21:09,932
But I hope you know
that's not what
462
00:21:10,049 --> 00:21:11,535
that session
was supposed to be.
463
00:21:11,582 --> 00:21:14,268
Oh, no, I mean, I know
it was Morty peeing his pants
464
00:21:14,323 --> 00:21:15,924
and Summer snorting glue
or whatever...
465
00:21:17,335 --> 00:21:19,995
She huffed enamel, and we never
even talked about it.
466
00:21:20,075 --> 00:21:21,413
Well, there was so much
more at stake.
467
00:21:22,718 --> 00:21:25,612
I mean, that shrink,
what a monologuist.
468
00:21:27,010 --> 00:21:28,821
Are we gonna go back?
469
00:21:29,034 --> 00:21:31,133
Sweetie, could I get...
Get that syringe now?
470
00:21:31,202 --> 00:21:33,457
Oh, my God, yes!
Dad, it's in my purse.
471
00:21:33,504 --> 00:21:35,337
Oh, I'm sorry.
You must be in agony.
472
00:21:35,384 --> 00:21:36,940
Eh.
473
00:21:43,480 --> 00:21:44,535
Jesus.
474
00:21:45,983 --> 00:21:48,183
Jesus Christ.
Therapists, man.
475
00:21:48,393 --> 00:21:49,763
Weird breed.
476
00:21:49,846 --> 00:21:51,420
Man, I missed having hands...
477
00:21:51,612 --> 00:21:54,104
and blood and a stomach.
478
00:21:54,401 --> 00:21:55,533
We should get a drink.
479
00:21:55,737 --> 00:21:57,314
Really?
Like, go somewhere?
480
00:21:57,361 --> 00:21:59,760
Yeah, let's drop the kids off
and go tie one on.
481
00:21:59,862 --> 00:22:01,885
Absolutely.
482
00:22:02,198 --> 00:22:04,221
I... I liked her.
483
00:22:04,510 --> 00:22:07,128
So what are you thinking,
like, Smokey's Tavern?
484
00:22:07,190 --> 00:22:08,292
Maybe Shoney's?
485
00:22:08,339 --> 00:22:10,073
Yeah, either one. Either one.
486
00:22:10,640 --> 00:22:14,354
♪♪
487
00:22:14,389 --> 00:22:18,026
♪♪
488
00:22:18,061 --> 00:22:21,526
♪♪
489
00:22:42,573 --> 00:22:44,596
You'll never get away
with this, Concerto.
490
00:22:44,657 --> 00:22:46,854
That is where you're mistaken,
Mr. Sanchez.
491
00:22:46,924 --> 00:22:50,679
This shall be my greatest
performance of all time!
492
00:22:50,726 --> 00:22:53,019
♪♪ Plays "Moonlight Sonata"...
493
00:22:53,073 --> 00:22:54,545
This is it, Morty.
We're goners.
494
00:22:54,585 --> 00:22:55,977
We're not getting
out of this one.
495
00:22:56,013 --> 00:22:57,236
After everything
we've been through,
496
00:22:57,272 --> 00:22:58,619
this is how we're gonna die.
497
00:22:58,655 --> 00:22:59,788
Make peace with your god.
498
00:22:59,835 --> 00:23:01,923
Oh, geez, Rick,
I-I-I don't want to die!
499
00:23:01,970 --> 00:23:04,689
And now for the E-splat!
500
00:23:07,009 --> 00:23:08,797
Jaguar!
501
00:23:12,369 --> 00:23:14,369
Who? Who was that, Rick?
502
00:23:14,449 --> 00:23:17,163
That, Morty, is why
you don't go to therapy.