1
00:00:13,646 --> 00:00:15,248
Ugh.
2
00:00:41,207 --> 00:00:44,010
Amy, what? What
are you doing here?
3
00:00:44,077 --> 00:00:45,578
Oh, just getting ready
4
00:00:45,678 --> 00:00:47,747
to show this apartment to Ms...
5
00:00:47,847 --> 00:00:49,082
Dubek.
6
00:00:51,184 --> 00:00:53,753
God, this place is so huge.
7
00:00:53,853 --> 00:00:56,923
I cannot believe I can afford
this all by myself now.
8
00:00:57,023 --> 00:00:59,426
Girl, just goes to
show, if you work hard
9
00:00:59,526 --> 00:01:01,694
and you're nice,
anything's possible.
10
00:01:01,761 --> 00:01:03,696
Oh,
just a second. Hello?
11
00:01:03,763 --> 00:01:05,398
Hey, all the guests
just dropped out
12
00:01:05,465 --> 00:01:06,942
for tomorrow's show...
Could you come help
13
00:01:06,966 --> 00:01:08,716
- book some replacements?
- No! I've worked
14
00:01:08,768 --> 00:01:10,270
every fucking second.
15
00:01:10,370 --> 00:01:14,808
I told people I need one hour
to sign my goddamn lease.
16
00:01:15,408 --> 00:01:17,277
Sorry. Where were we?
17
00:01:17,377 --> 00:01:18,611
I think we're done.
18
00:01:18,711 --> 00:01:20,222
- You can move in tomorrow.
- Oh my gosh!
19
00:01:20,246 --> 00:01:21,891
- Congrats, Brooke.
- I'm so proud of you.
20
00:01:21,915 --> 00:01:23,716
I'm proud of me too.
21
00:01:25,251 --> 00:01:27,153
- We'll be downstairs.
- Okay.
22
00:01:27,253 --> 00:01:28,597
Take your time if you want
to keep looking around.
23
00:01:28,621 --> 00:01:30,657
All right. Thanks.
24
00:01:30,757 --> 00:01:35,495
Oh, wow!
25
00:01:35,595 --> 00:01:37,464
Yeah...
26
00:01:48,675 --> 00:01:49,742
- Hey.
- Hey.
27
00:01:49,809 --> 00:01:51,277
What are you doing tomorrow?
28
00:01:51,344 --> 00:01:53,980
You should come over and
see my huge, new place.
29
00:01:54,080 --> 00:01:55,815
I'm sorry, I'm
Upstate with Jess.
30
00:01:55,915 --> 00:01:57,374
He planned a whole
surprise getaway.
31
00:01:57,417 --> 00:01:59,319
- Oh!
- You guys are such a couple now.
32
00:01:59,419 --> 00:02:01,063
Yeah, I actually wanted
to talk to you about that.
33
00:02:01,087 --> 00:02:03,623
The other day he told
me I was his everything.
34
00:02:03,690 --> 00:02:04,890
Hey.
35
00:02:04,924 --> 00:02:07,760
Which is great,
because he is mine.
36
00:02:07,827 --> 00:02:10,296
God, this is so nice.
37
00:02:10,363 --> 00:02:13,366
Yeah. Love taking a bath.
38
00:02:13,466 --> 00:02:16,536
Just the two of us.
No one else for miles.
39
00:02:16,636 --> 00:02:18,304
So I'll just leave
you guys alone then.
40
00:02:18,371 --> 00:02:20,082
No, no, no, I can keep
talking if you want.
41
00:02:20,106 --> 00:02:22,142
I don't have to go, I can...
42
00:02:24,010 --> 00:02:25,445
Pfft.
43
00:02:28,181 --> 00:02:30,116
Live in three, two...
44
00:02:31,518 --> 00:02:33,286
- Oh hey.
- Are all the guests here?
45
00:02:33,353 --> 00:02:34,930
Yes, and thank you
for changing your mind
46
00:02:34,954 --> 00:02:36,365
- and booking them.
- Oh. Of course, girl.
47
00:02:36,389 --> 00:02:37,991
- Happy to help.
- 'Cause you really
48
00:02:38,057 --> 00:02:40,266
screamed at me yesterday,
so I didn't think you would.
49
00:02:40,293 --> 00:02:41,728
What? Nope. Happy to help.
50
00:02:41,828 --> 00:02:43,363
Like, really screamed at me.
51
00:02:43,463 --> 00:02:44,864
Nope. Go away now.
52
00:02:44,964 --> 00:02:47,534
- What did you help her with?
- Why not me?
53
00:02:47,634 --> 00:02:50,570
Am I bad? Do people
think I'm bad?
54
00:02:50,670 --> 00:02:52,781
- Oh my God, Streeter, relax.
- I'll tell you what's going on
55
00:02:52,805 --> 00:02:54,707
if you promise not
to say anything.
56
00:02:54,807 --> 00:02:57,210
- You mean, like a secret?
- Yes.
57
00:02:57,310 --> 00:02:59,012
Does, Sh... Shuli know?
58
00:02:59,078 --> 00:03:00,747
No. Okay, so yesterday,
59
00:03:00,847 --> 00:03:02,515
I realized it's
probably time for me
60
00:03:02,582 --> 00:03:03,883
- to start dating again.
- Mmm.
61
00:03:03,983 --> 00:03:05,852
You know, 'cause Cary has Jess
62
00:03:05,919 --> 00:03:08,421
and you have my mom,
and I have... no one.
63
00:03:08,521 --> 00:03:11,224
- Oh my God, you're doing it.
- You're confiding in me.
64
00:03:11,324 --> 00:03:12,835
And then I was like, "How
am I supposed to go out
65
00:03:12,859 --> 00:03:14,203
and meet guys? I'm at
work all the time."
66
00:03:14,227 --> 00:03:15,762
You're just spilling your guts.
67
00:03:15,862 --> 00:03:18,731
So I have booked the
hottest guys I can think of
68
00:03:18,831 --> 00:03:20,433
on today's show, and
when they're here,
69
00:03:20,533 --> 00:03:23,169
I'm just gonna ask them out.
70
00:03:23,236 --> 00:03:25,672
Oh, you are so bad. Ha ha.
71
00:03:25,738 --> 00:03:27,249
Is this the kind of
stuff that you and Cary
72
00:03:27,273 --> 00:03:28,751
were always cooking up
when I wasn't around?
73
00:03:28,775 --> 00:03:30,359
- Am I the new Cary?
- Streeter, focus.
74
00:03:30,410 --> 00:03:31,911
You can't tell anyone, okay?
75
00:03:32,011 --> 00:03:34,214
As far as anyone knows,
this is just a regular show.
76
00:03:34,280 --> 00:03:35,548
- Yes.
- Okay, we've got
77
00:03:35,615 --> 00:03:36,815
a great show today.
78
00:03:36,849 --> 00:03:38,084
We have "People Magazine's"
79
00:03:38,184 --> 00:03:39,886
- sexiest doctor alive...
- Ooh!
80
00:03:39,953 --> 00:03:41,754
- Instagram's @TheShirtlessVet.
- Ooh!
81
00:03:41,854 --> 00:03:44,958
A fashion model who showed up
on my daughter's Explore Page
82
00:03:45,058 --> 00:03:46,893
after she followed
TheShirtlessVet,
83
00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:48,261
and Derek P
84
00:03:48,361 --> 00:03:50,697
from Jojo's season of
"The Bachelorette."
85
00:03:50,763 --> 00:03:52,565
Ho ho! Well, I wish I could
86
00:03:52,632 --> 00:03:54,267
stay for all the hijinks,
87
00:03:54,367 --> 00:03:57,103
but we gotta go make a mold
for Chase's new cologne today.
88
00:03:57,203 --> 00:03:59,245
Oh, wait, are we still
calling it Body by Chase?
89
00:03:59,272 --> 00:04:02,642
Yes, and Shuli said that
the bottle should actually
90
00:04:02,742 --> 00:04:04,944
be Chase's body... With
clothes on of course.
91
00:04:05,044 --> 00:04:07,089
So he needs to be in a full
body cast for 10 hours,
92
00:04:07,113 --> 00:04:08,648
and I'm gonna sit with him
93
00:04:08,748 --> 00:04:11,117
and feed him snacks into
his little tiny mouth hole
94
00:04:11,217 --> 00:04:14,120
so he doesn't pass
out. Life of a singer.
95
00:04:14,220 --> 00:04:15,722
- Cool.
- Oh wait.
96
00:04:15,788 --> 00:04:17,123
So what else doesn't Shuli know?
97
00:04:17,824 --> 00:04:19,034
- Thanks so much.
- Have a good day.
98
00:04:19,058 --> 00:04:20,293
Hi. How are you today?
99
00:04:20,393 --> 00:04:22,095
God, I'm so glad
we're doing this.
100
00:04:22,161 --> 00:04:23,663
Yes. Picking apples.
101
00:04:23,763 --> 00:04:25,565
Another fun thing to
do that we are doing.
102
00:04:25,632 --> 00:04:28,735
So after we pay for these,
looks like we go over there,
103
00:04:28,801 --> 00:04:32,171
'cause that's where the
Macintosh apples are.
104
00:04:32,272 --> 00:04:35,975
Excuse me. How long do
people usually do this for?
105
00:04:36,075 --> 00:04:38,344
We always make a
whole day of it.
106
00:04:38,444 --> 00:04:40,980
In fact, this is our
50th time up here.
107
00:04:41,080 --> 00:04:42,649
It's a fall tradition.
108
00:04:42,749 --> 00:04:46,252
- You've done this 50 times.
- Just the two of you.
109
00:04:46,319 --> 00:04:48,421
Same thing, every
year until you die?
110
00:04:48,488 --> 00:04:50,490
Oh, we don't look at it that.
111
00:04:50,590 --> 00:04:52,592
It looks like there's
also a petting zoo,
112
00:04:52,659 --> 00:04:53,993
which could maybe be cool.
113
00:04:54,093 --> 00:04:56,496
Oh, there's a hayride,
that could be fun.
114
00:04:56,596 --> 00:04:57,997
Why? Where does it go?
115
00:04:58,097 --> 00:05:00,266
I think just like
in a little circle.
116
00:05:00,333 --> 00:05:02,468
Okay, I'll go get tics.
117
00:05:02,535 --> 00:05:04,003
Wait. Oh my God.
118
00:05:04,103 --> 00:05:05,672
Cary Dubek?
119
00:05:05,772 --> 00:05:08,541
Cameron Colby?
120
00:05:09,208 --> 00:05:11,678
Now please help me
welcome my first guest,
121
00:05:11,778 --> 00:05:15,548
People's sexiest
doctor alive, Dr. Nick.
122
00:05:20,620 --> 00:05:22,155
Now, Dr. Nick,
123
00:05:22,221 --> 00:05:25,491
you are here today to talk
about male pattern baldness.
124
00:05:25,558 --> 00:05:26,959
- I am?
- That's what it says
125
00:05:27,026 --> 00:05:28,695
on my cards here
and specifically,
126
00:05:28,795 --> 00:05:30,530
if it runs in your family.
127
00:05:30,630 --> 00:05:34,033
Well, yes, both my dad and
my grandfather are fully bald
128
00:05:34,133 --> 00:05:36,302
but then again, I was adopted.
129
00:05:36,369 --> 00:05:37,370
- All: Aww.
- Yes!
130
00:05:37,470 --> 00:05:38,838
Going in.
131
00:05:42,308 --> 00:05:45,044
- Hey, great job on the show.
- Hey, thanks.
132
00:05:45,144 --> 00:05:46,713
This is crazy,
133
00:05:46,813 --> 00:05:48,357
but would you maybe want
to get dinner tonight?
134
00:05:48,381 --> 00:05:50,350
Oh. Sure.
135
00:05:50,416 --> 00:05:53,986
Maybe we can, uh, eat at
my place and I can cook.
136
00:05:54,053 --> 00:05:55,388
You also cook? I'm a genius.
137
00:05:55,488 --> 00:05:56,589
Okay, that sounds great.
138
00:05:56,689 --> 00:05:58,157
I just gotta get back out there
139
00:05:58,224 --> 00:06:00,493
and see the rest of the
dates. I mean, the show.
140
00:06:00,560 --> 00:06:04,230
So I'll see you
tonight. I want burgers.
141
00:06:04,330 --> 00:06:06,399
- Hey!
- Hey.
142
00:06:06,499 --> 00:06:08,901
Oh, my God, Cary, what
are you even doing here?
143
00:06:09,001 --> 00:06:10,570
I think picking
apples until I die.
144
00:06:10,670 --> 00:06:13,940
Ha ha ha! You're
literally Jimmy Fallon.
145
00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:15,751
- But, hey, we should...
- We should hang out,
146
00:06:15,775 --> 00:06:18,211
like, now please.
We're up for anything.
147
00:06:18,277 --> 00:06:19,679
Hey, people are lining up.
148
00:06:19,746 --> 00:06:21,090
Oh, hey, Jess, this
is my friend, Cameron.
149
00:06:21,114 --> 00:06:22,782
- Hi.
- Hi. Nice to meet you.
150
00:06:22,882 --> 00:06:24,684
- Yeah. He's an Instagay.
- He's so fun.
151
00:06:24,751 --> 00:06:26,018
Remember that pool party?
152
00:06:26,085 --> 00:06:27,587
Oh my God, barely.
153
00:06:27,687 --> 00:06:30,256
That whole life is behind
me now that I'm married.
154
00:06:30,356 --> 00:06:32,225
- Oh my God. Congrats.
- Wait, what?
155
00:06:32,291 --> 00:06:33,491
You're married?
156
00:06:33,559 --> 00:06:35,268
Yeah. And my name's
not Cameron anymore,
157
00:06:35,361 --> 00:06:37,063
it's at @thepropertydaddys.
158
00:06:37,130 --> 00:06:39,599
The... The Property Daddies?
159
00:06:39,699 --> 00:06:41,276
Yeah. I decided to
take my personal life
160
00:06:41,300 --> 00:06:43,936
in a new direction creatively.
So now I'm married,
161
00:06:44,036 --> 00:06:45,972
I live Upstate,
and I flip houses.
162
00:06:46,072 --> 00:06:47,640
Oh my God, you guys
have to come over
163
00:06:47,740 --> 00:06:48,775
and meet the other daddy.
164
00:06:48,875 --> 00:06:50,276
Oh, sure. Yes.
165
00:06:50,376 --> 00:06:51,954
It'd be nice to have some
couple friends actually.
166
00:06:51,978 --> 00:06:54,881
- Yeah, yeah.
- I think it will be?
167
00:06:56,082 --> 00:06:58,217
Now, Derek, before
"The Bachelorette,"
168
00:06:58,284 --> 00:06:59,886
it says on my cards
169
00:06:59,952 --> 00:07:02,622
that you were from a crappy
little nothing town in Iowa.
170
00:07:02,722 --> 00:07:04,957
- It says that?
- Yes, I'm sorry.
171
00:07:05,057 --> 00:07:07,727
But my question is you
must live in New York city
172
00:07:07,794 --> 00:07:09,462
or Los Angeles now, right?
173
00:07:09,562 --> 00:07:11,330
- Yes.
- I split my time between both.
174
00:07:11,431 --> 00:07:12,631
Whoo.
175
00:07:13,566 --> 00:07:15,401
Hey. Great job on the show.
176
00:07:15,468 --> 00:07:17,904
Would you maybe want to
get a drink this evening?
177
00:07:17,970 --> 00:07:19,338
Oh. Yeah, I'd love that.
178
00:07:19,439 --> 00:07:21,674
Okay. Well, I got
to get back to work.
179
00:07:21,774 --> 00:07:24,277
I take my job very seriously.
180
00:07:24,343 --> 00:07:27,513
Now you're one of the most
beautiful models in the world.
181
00:07:27,613 --> 00:07:31,584
So I have to ask you, your
personality must suck, right?
182
00:07:31,651 --> 00:07:33,152
I don't know.
183
00:07:33,252 --> 00:07:34,897
I like to think I'm a pretty
nice down to earth guy.
184
00:07:34,921 --> 00:07:36,322
- All: Aww.
- Yes!
185
00:07:36,422 --> 00:07:38,291
Hey, great job on the show.
186
00:07:38,357 --> 00:07:40,860
Would you maybe
want to get lunch?
187
00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:43,296
Um... sure. What's your name?
188
00:07:43,362 --> 00:07:45,598
Oh, we'll just do
that all at lunch.
189
00:07:45,665 --> 00:07:47,767
And what kind of animal
did you bring us today?
190
00:07:47,834 --> 00:07:48,935
A little puppy?
191
00:07:49,001 --> 00:07:50,837
No, this is Carissa.
192
00:07:50,937 --> 00:07:52,705
She is a 30-pound
boa constrictor.
193
00:07:52,805 --> 00:07:54,941
Now, boas have a cloaca,
194
00:07:55,007 --> 00:07:56,318
so they don't pee
or poop like we do,
195
00:07:56,342 --> 00:07:57,777
but out of the same one hole,
196
00:07:57,844 --> 00:07:59,812
right down here where
I'm putting my finger.
197
00:07:59,879 --> 00:08:02,515
Oh my goodness, she's
going all over you!
198
00:08:03,616 --> 00:08:06,052
- Hey, great job on the show.
- Goodbye forever.
199
00:08:09,121 --> 00:08:10,957
This is their house?
200
00:08:11,023 --> 00:08:12,859
All right, we don't
have to stay long
201
00:08:12,959 --> 00:08:14,494
if you don't wanna.
202
00:08:14,560 --> 00:08:16,171
I'm not really sure
what this is gonna...
203
00:08:16,195 --> 00:08:17,530
Cary!
204
00:08:17,630 --> 00:08:19,198
How dare you be
three minutes early.
205
00:08:19,298 --> 00:08:20,967
We're still in our PJ sets.
206
00:08:21,033 --> 00:08:23,002
Oh please, come on in.
207
00:08:23,703 --> 00:08:25,371
And this actually
is perfect timing.
208
00:08:25,471 --> 00:08:27,874
We just finished hanging
some of our favorite memories
209
00:08:27,974 --> 00:08:29,475
as a couple on our gallery wall.
210
00:08:29,542 --> 00:08:30,743
Come take a look.
211
00:08:30,843 --> 00:08:32,144
Oh, wow!
212
00:08:32,211 --> 00:08:33,880
- Oh. Cool.
- Okay, so
213
00:08:33,980 --> 00:08:36,682
this is from when we
wore jeans in bed.
214
00:08:36,749 --> 00:08:38,050
And then this is from
215
00:08:38,150 --> 00:08:39,986
when we painted a
barn door in overalls.
216
00:08:40,052 --> 00:08:42,388
We got paint everywhere.
It was insane!
217
00:08:42,488 --> 00:08:44,991
Oh, and then this is our
favorite memory ever.
218
00:08:45,057 --> 00:08:46,492
We'll never forget it
219
00:08:46,559 --> 00:08:48,694
because we got 800,000
likes in three minutes.
220
00:08:48,761 --> 00:08:50,329
Do you guys have a gallery wall?
221
00:08:50,396 --> 00:08:52,899
Oh, um, no, we
don't live together.
222
00:08:52,999 --> 00:08:54,734
Though it might
make sense to soon.
223
00:08:54,834 --> 00:08:56,669
My... my lease is
up in a few months.
224
00:08:56,736 --> 00:08:59,038
Awww, then you'd
be just like us.
225
00:09:05,278 --> 00:09:07,246
Okay. Camera's up in 20.
226
00:09:07,346 --> 00:09:08,724
- Hey, mom.
- I'm heading out for a bit.
227
00:09:08,748 --> 00:09:10,249
You okay? Do you need anything?
228
00:09:10,349 --> 00:09:12,394
- No, I'm fine. Can't complain.
- Everything's good.
229
00:09:12,418 --> 00:09:13,886
Okay, cool. Oh, don't forget.
230
00:09:13,953 --> 00:09:15,521
You have that fan thing tonight.
231
00:09:15,588 --> 00:09:17,630
- Yeah, my meet and greets?
- No, it's after that.
232
00:09:17,690 --> 00:09:19,024
You are dressing up as a janitor
233
00:09:19,058 --> 00:09:20,960
and surprising tourists
in Times Square.
234
00:09:21,060 --> 00:09:23,462
- Oh, another thing?
- Yeah, fans can't get enough.
235
00:09:23,563 --> 00:09:25,431
Okay, wish me luck.
I have a date.
236
00:09:25,531 --> 00:09:28,434
Oh, honey. I'm so glad you're
getting back out there.
237
00:09:28,534 --> 00:09:29,869
Yeah. You know?
238
00:09:29,936 --> 00:09:31,680
Could be nice to have
someone to come home to.
239
00:09:31,704 --> 00:09:33,306
- Like how you have Streeter.
- I know.
240
00:09:33,406 --> 00:09:34,616
Although yesterday I did wake up
241
00:09:34,640 --> 00:09:36,042
to him to him nibbling my toes.
242
00:09:36,108 --> 00:09:37,043
Okay we're back in three...
243
00:09:37,109 --> 00:09:38,077
- Okay.
- Two...
244
00:09:38,144 --> 00:09:39,612
- Bye, Mom.
- Bye.
245
00:09:39,712 --> 00:09:42,381
Hello and welcome to
"The Pat After Show"
246
00:09:42,448 --> 00:09:45,318
presented by Chex Mix!
247
00:09:47,653 --> 00:09:51,057
Can I just say
you are the hottest person
248
00:09:51,123 --> 00:09:54,427
I have ever seen. There's
nothing wrong with you.
249
00:09:54,493 --> 00:09:56,963
Well, I still use
plastic straws.
250
00:09:57,063 --> 00:09:58,980
Yeah. Literally, who
gives a shit about that?
251
00:09:59,065 --> 00:10:01,500
Okay. I'm gonna use the
restroom real quick.
252
00:10:01,601 --> 00:10:03,736
I'll be right back.
253
00:10:05,071 --> 00:10:06,606
Damn!
254
00:10:11,978 --> 00:10:13,846
- Hey, girl.
- Just want to say good job.
255
00:10:13,946 --> 00:10:14,981
That guy is so hot.
256
00:10:15,081 --> 00:10:16,949
I know, right? Thank you.
257
00:10:18,684 --> 00:10:21,787
- Hey, sorry to interrupt.
- I just had to say, damn girl.
258
00:10:21,854 --> 00:10:22,822
Get it.
259
00:10:22,922 --> 00:10:25,524
Thank you. I will get it.
260
00:10:26,592 --> 00:10:29,762
- Oh my God, girl.
- That is the hottest guy ever.
261
00:10:29,829 --> 00:10:31,163
Good for you.
262
00:10:31,263 --> 00:10:32,598
I know. Thank you.
263
00:10:32,665 --> 00:10:34,100
Truly, congratulations.
264
00:10:34,166 --> 00:10:35,911
I looked over and was
like, "That's insane."
265
00:10:35,935 --> 00:10:38,170
I mean, it's not insane.
266
00:10:38,270 --> 00:10:41,273
It's like you've got to
tell me what your secret is.
267
00:10:41,340 --> 00:10:42,975
Oh, I don't know.
268
00:10:43,042 --> 00:10:47,213
Maybe that I'm a pretty
fucking girl, you rude bitches.
269
00:10:48,514 --> 00:10:51,050
I'm sorry, I can't do this
for the rest of my life.
270
00:10:51,150 --> 00:10:53,552
Plastic straws are bad so...
271
00:10:53,653 --> 00:10:57,156
That's right. I'm dumping him.
272
00:11:02,995 --> 00:11:04,864
So what do your
sweatshirts mean?
273
00:11:04,964 --> 00:11:07,333
Oh, they're just these
totally stupid nicknames
274
00:11:07,400 --> 00:11:08,701
that we gave to each other.
275
00:11:08,801 --> 00:11:11,203
Yeah, I call him Breffis
because sometimes
276
00:11:11,303 --> 00:11:13,178
when he's tired, that's
how he says breakfast.
277
00:11:13,239 --> 00:11:15,041
Guilty. And I call him Nooner
278
00:11:15,141 --> 00:11:17,309
because one time he
slept until noon,
279
00:11:17,376 --> 00:11:19,045
and I'm not even joking.
280
00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:23,082
So what do you guys do up
here to spice things up?
281
00:11:23,182 --> 00:11:24,817
- Sorry, Cary.
- I can barely hear you.
282
00:11:24,884 --> 00:11:27,887
Alexa, turn off
our party playlist.
283
00:11:30,322 --> 00:11:32,258
I was just asking how
you spice things up.
284
00:11:32,358 --> 00:11:33,726
Do you travel?
285
00:11:33,826 --> 00:11:36,028
Yeah, we actually just
got back from Paris.
286
00:11:36,095 --> 00:11:38,597
- Oh, fun, fun.
- What'd you do there?
287
00:11:38,698 --> 00:11:40,566
We did the Tea Cups,
It's a Small World,
288
00:11:40,666 --> 00:11:42,644
and Pirates of the Caribbean
like a zillion times.
289
00:11:42,668 --> 00:11:46,105
So you... you flew to Paris
and went to Disneyland?
290
00:11:46,205 --> 00:11:47,916
Yeah, and then we flew
right back home fun.
291
00:11:47,940 --> 00:11:49,742
- That sounds fun.
- We should do that.
292
00:11:49,842 --> 00:11:51,677
- We should?
- Oh this hot chocolate's
293
00:11:51,744 --> 00:11:53,679
- making my mouth all gross.
- Oh, excuse us.
294
00:11:53,746 --> 00:11:56,716
We're going to go and
brush his teeth real quick.
295
00:11:57,850 --> 00:11:59,050
"We"?
296
00:12:00,953 --> 00:12:03,422
Hey, hi, I'm sorry I'm late.
297
00:12:03,522 --> 00:12:06,959
- It's okay.
- I had a mistake for lunch,
298
00:12:07,059 --> 00:12:11,197
but I am so happy to
be here now with you.
299
00:12:11,263 --> 00:12:13,699
- Me too.
- So tell me about yourself.
300
00:12:13,766 --> 00:12:17,603
Well, my name's Brooke D,
and I'm a dental hygienist.
301
00:12:17,703 --> 00:12:19,138
Well, maybe if this goes well,
302
00:12:19,238 --> 00:12:21,574
we can go back to
the Fantasy Suite.
303
00:12:25,878 --> 00:12:27,379
So tell me about work.
304
00:12:27,446 --> 00:12:29,191
I think I remember from
the show you're a banker?
305
00:12:29,215 --> 00:12:30,783
- That's cool.
- Oh no.
306
00:12:30,883 --> 00:12:32,952
I work pretty much full-time
for The Nation now.
307
00:12:33,052 --> 00:12:35,121
"The... Nation"?
308
00:12:35,221 --> 00:12:36,288
Yeah, Bachelor Nation.
309
00:12:36,388 --> 00:12:37,790
Just yesterday I was with Josh
310
00:12:37,890 --> 00:12:39,959
from season ten and Ben
from Caitlin's season.
311
00:12:40,059 --> 00:12:42,204
We were handing out apps at
the opening of a Bonobos.
312
00:12:42,228 --> 00:12:44,263
Oh, um, okay, so you...
313
00:12:44,330 --> 00:12:47,099
You just never really make
it to the bank anymore?
314
00:12:47,166 --> 00:12:49,077
If you have brothers, tell
them to use Code Derek ten.
315
00:12:49,101 --> 00:12:51,137
They'll get 10% off
any one pair of shorts.
316
00:12:51,237 --> 00:12:53,606
Cool. Speaking of brothers,
317
00:12:53,672 --> 00:12:55,808
why don't you tell
me about your family?
318
00:12:55,908 --> 00:12:57,777
Honestly, The Nation's
my family now.
319
00:12:57,843 --> 00:13:02,982
Robbie, Chase, Vinny,
James, Ben, Dylan, Tyler.
320
00:13:03,749 --> 00:13:04,817
Come in.
321
00:13:04,917 --> 00:13:06,252
Oh, wow. Yep.
322
00:13:06,318 --> 00:13:08,154
That's exactly what you
said you'd be doing.
323
00:13:08,254 --> 00:13:09,713
Cary, we're so
glad you came over.
324
00:13:09,755 --> 00:13:11,624
I love relationships for us.
325
00:13:11,690 --> 00:13:15,795
Yeah. They're... they're great,
but I'm starting to worry
326
00:13:15,861 --> 00:13:19,532
maybe Jess and I are
just different people.
327
00:13:19,632 --> 00:13:21,100
I know exactly how you feel.
328
00:13:21,167 --> 00:13:23,269
Like I'm a Gryffindor
and he's a Ravenclaw.
329
00:13:23,335 --> 00:13:24,703
Like, how does that even work?
330
00:13:24,804 --> 00:13:26,839
Yeah, no that's-that's
not what I meant.
331
00:13:26,939 --> 00:13:28,617
Wait, do you guys have
a couple's account?
332
00:13:28,641 --> 00:13:29,842
No, no, not yet.
333
00:13:29,942 --> 00:13:31,343
I have the perfect name for you.
334
00:13:31,443 --> 00:13:32,812
@thecuddleboys,
335
00:13:32,878 --> 00:13:34,680
and it can just be
pictures of you cuddling
336
00:13:34,780 --> 00:13:36,447
in all the different
rooms of your house.
337
00:13:36,482 --> 00:13:37,716
Who would follow that?
338
00:13:37,817 --> 00:13:39,852
Mostly straight
women and brands,
339
00:13:39,952 --> 00:13:41,720
so you'd have to
keep it pretty PG.
340
00:13:41,821 --> 00:13:44,023
But make sure you get your
bare feet in the shot,
341
00:13:44,123 --> 00:13:47,293
that way gays in the know
can still jack it to you.
342
00:13:47,359 --> 00:13:49,061
Sounds very cool, but...
343
00:13:49,161 --> 00:13:52,031
But don't you guys
ever miss being single
344
00:13:52,131 --> 00:13:55,201
or... or having your own accounts
or brushing your own teeth?
345
00:13:55,301 --> 00:13:58,537
- No way.
- I spent all my 20s being crazy.
346
00:13:58,637 --> 00:14:01,040
I was ready to settle down.
347
00:14:01,140 --> 00:14:04,143
Yeah, I guess I never really
did the whole... crazy part.
348
00:14:04,210 --> 00:14:06,412
- All right, Nooner.
- Let's shave ya.
349
00:14:06,512 --> 00:14:07,713
Okay.
350
00:14:08,814 --> 00:14:10,559
You know, I'd even
consider Sean my brother.
351
00:14:10,583 --> 00:14:11,817
He wasn't even on my season.
352
00:14:11,884 --> 00:14:13,385
I'm sorry, um...
353
00:14:13,485 --> 00:14:15,721
Can we change the subject?
354
00:14:15,821 --> 00:14:17,690
- Yeah, I'm sorry.
- Enough about me.
355
00:14:17,756 --> 00:14:19,558
Tell me about your
last boyfriend.
356
00:14:19,658 --> 00:14:23,729
Oh, well, we were
together for five years.
357
00:14:23,829 --> 00:14:25,931
Um... it didn't...
358
00:14:26,031 --> 00:14:29,235
It didn't really end
well, but now I am looking
359
00:14:29,335 --> 00:14:35,335
for someone else to share
my enormous apartment with.
360
00:14:35,441 --> 00:14:37,176
- Breakups are hard.
- Yeah.
361
00:14:37,243 --> 00:14:38,887
You know, you just got
to keep getting back up
362
00:14:38,911 --> 00:14:42,581
on the horse if you
believe in love.
363
00:14:43,716 --> 00:14:47,052
That's why, after Jojo season,
I did "Bachelor in Paradise."
364
00:14:47,119 --> 00:14:48,687
You know, I wasn't ready for it,
365
00:14:48,754 --> 00:14:50,165
but I feel like I
owed it to team Derek.
366
00:14:50,189 --> 00:14:51,590
- Jesus.
- And even though
367
00:14:51,690 --> 00:14:53,101
Taylor and I broke up,
she's still a great girl.
368
00:14:53,125 --> 00:14:55,127
Oh, wait, Nooner, did I tell you
369
00:14:55,227 --> 00:14:57,196
Cary is an actor in New York?
370
00:14:57,263 --> 00:14:58,898
Oh, no, I'm mostly just hosting.
371
00:14:58,964 --> 00:15:01,100
- You should host an HGTV show.
- Oh my God, yes!
372
00:15:01,200 --> 00:15:02,968
Breffis and I have
a pilot there.
373
00:15:03,068 --> 00:15:05,437
It's called, "Flipping
House from Top and Bottom."
374
00:15:05,537 --> 00:15:07,773
You could live here and
host a show together.
375
00:15:07,873 --> 00:15:08,941
- Oh!
- We just flipped
376
00:15:09,041 --> 00:15:10,542
the cutest house across town.
377
00:15:10,609 --> 00:15:14,546
You guys have to
see it. Let's go.
378
00:15:14,613 --> 00:15:16,148
And here we are.
379
00:15:16,248 --> 00:15:18,617
Wait. Did we move?
380
00:15:18,717 --> 00:15:20,119
Yes! We got in the car,
381
00:15:20,219 --> 00:15:22,788
drove across town,
and now we're here.
382
00:15:22,888 --> 00:15:24,123
Oh, right. Of course.
383
00:15:24,223 --> 00:15:26,058
This just looks exactly
like your house.
384
00:15:26,125 --> 00:15:28,994
- What? No way.
- These pillows are green.
385
00:15:29,094 --> 00:15:30,296
- Ours are blue.
- Yeah.
386
00:15:30,396 --> 00:15:33,165
- Come on.
- We'll show you the rest.
387
00:15:33,265 --> 00:15:34,833
So this is the dining room.
388
00:15:34,934 --> 00:15:36,969
Instead of black,
we went with night.
389
00:15:37,069 --> 00:15:38,437
This is so nice.
390
00:15:38,504 --> 00:15:40,582
When we move in together
in New York, we'd probably
391
00:15:40,606 --> 00:15:42,217
just be in Cary's little
one bedroom for starters.
392
00:15:42,241 --> 00:15:44,009
"When" we move in?
393
00:15:44,109 --> 00:15:45,693
But maybe in five
years we can afford
394
00:15:45,744 --> 00:15:48,414
something like this or ten.
395
00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:56,322
Just like us.
396
00:16:04,596 --> 00:16:06,265
How's the burger?
397
00:16:06,332 --> 00:16:07,700
I'm vegan, so it was bean paste.
398
00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:10,135
- Hope that's okay.
- It was great.
399
00:16:10,202 --> 00:16:12,104
I absolutely need this to work,
400
00:16:12,171 --> 00:16:13,505
so love a pasty bean.
401
00:16:13,605 --> 00:16:15,105
You know, next time
I cook for you,
402
00:16:15,140 --> 00:16:16,675
we should do it Upstate.
403
00:16:16,775 --> 00:16:19,111
My kitchen there
is so much bigger.
404
00:16:19,178 --> 00:16:21,146
Oh, you have a place Upstate?
405
00:16:21,213 --> 00:16:24,350
Maybe we can also
take a couple's bath?
406
00:16:24,450 --> 00:16:27,453
Oh, uh... ha ha... sure.
407
00:16:27,519 --> 00:16:29,054
Speaking of,
408
00:16:29,154 --> 00:16:32,224
would you maybe want to, uh,
move things to the bedroom?
409
00:16:32,324 --> 00:16:37,296
Yeah, I think I'm ready
for a checkup, doctor.
410
00:16:44,903 --> 00:16:47,806
Um... have you had
this mole checked?
411
00:16:47,873 --> 00:16:49,073
Oh, um, I was just joking.
412
00:16:49,141 --> 00:16:51,176
Don't actually
give me a checkup.
413
00:16:56,248 --> 00:16:57,816
Has this mole always been there?
414
00:16:57,883 --> 00:16:59,885
- Yeah.
- Please don't make this that.
415
00:16:59,985 --> 00:17:01,720
Okay.
416
00:17:10,062 --> 00:17:12,598
Huh. I think I see something.
417
00:17:12,698 --> 00:17:13,932
Is it poop?
418
00:17:14,032 --> 00:17:16,435
- No, no.
- It's like a little... lump.
419
00:17:16,535 --> 00:17:17,979
I think you should
get this checked out.
420
00:17:18,003 --> 00:17:19,581
- Yeah, totally.
- First thing tomorrow.
421
00:17:19,605 --> 00:17:22,574
Yeah. You know, ethically,
it'd make me feel better
422
00:17:22,674 --> 00:17:24,843
if I just take you now.
423
00:17:24,910 --> 00:17:26,378
Oh my God.
424
00:17:26,445 --> 00:17:27,946
- Oh my God.
- Babe, is everything
425
00:17:28,047 --> 00:17:29,515
okay in there? They
want to show us
426
00:17:29,581 --> 00:17:31,183
- the rest of the house.
- Yep.
427
00:17:31,250 --> 00:17:34,386
I'm... I'm comin'... babe.
428
00:17:34,453 --> 00:17:36,955
And in the kitchen, we added
a little chalkboard wall
429
00:17:37,056 --> 00:17:38,757
so you can write
notes to each other.
430
00:17:38,857 --> 00:17:40,726
- Hey, Cary.
- Come look at this kitchen.
431
00:17:40,793 --> 00:17:41,993
Okay.
432
00:17:42,027 --> 00:17:44,630
Hey, where did my
marshmallows go?
433
00:17:44,730 --> 00:17:48,700
I don't know but I found
one behind your ear.
434
00:17:48,767 --> 00:17:50,869
- Nooner!
- Open up.
435
00:17:50,936 --> 00:17:53,038
Mmm!
436
00:17:54,106 --> 00:17:56,575
- Hey, IGTV.
- It's the "Cuddle Boys."
437
00:17:56,642 --> 00:17:58,777
- Here are my feet...
- And here are mine.
438
00:17:58,877 --> 00:18:00,279
And today we're gonna show you
439
00:18:00,379 --> 00:18:02,915
how to decorate
a table for fall.
440
00:18:02,981 --> 00:18:04,483
Left hand red.
441
00:18:04,583 --> 00:18:06,118
I honestly can't or I will fall.
442
00:18:06,218 --> 00:18:09,621
Oh, my God, Cary you're
literally Jimmy Fallon.
443
00:18:09,721 --> 00:18:12,124
-
- No, I'm not. No, I'm not.
444
00:18:12,224 --> 00:18:14,626
No, I'm not. No, I'm not.
445
00:18:32,678 --> 00:18:34,012
- Oh!
- Hey. Are you...
446
00:18:34,113 --> 00:18:35,981
I'm sorry, I can't do this.
447
00:18:36,081 --> 00:18:39,751
Okay. Pulling back the labia,
448
00:18:39,818 --> 00:18:42,121
there's a slight bit
of discoloration,
449
00:18:42,187 --> 00:18:44,156
not abnormal for
a woman your age.
450
00:18:44,256 --> 00:18:46,859
However, looking beneath
your clitoral hood
451
00:18:46,959 --> 00:18:49,495
I do see a small abnormal lump.
452
00:18:49,595 --> 00:18:51,263
Can I get some
anesthesia please?
453
00:18:51,330 --> 00:18:52,931
Oh, he's not operating on you.
454
00:18:52,998 --> 00:18:55,467
Yeah, I still just don't
want to be awake for this.
455
00:18:55,534 --> 00:18:57,603
I think we
should order a biopsy.
456
00:18:57,669 --> 00:18:59,671
Wait, seriously?
457
00:18:59,771 --> 00:19:01,473
Oh, I'm sure it's nothing.
458
00:19:01,540 --> 00:19:04,810
Just want to be safe and we
can put a rush on the results.
459
00:19:04,877 --> 00:19:06,645
It'll only take an hour.
460
00:19:08,847 --> 00:19:10,048
Oh.
461
00:19:10,149 --> 00:19:12,518
I'm sorry, I-I can't...
I can't do this.
462
00:19:12,618 --> 00:19:14,019
Do what?
463
00:19:14,119 --> 00:19:15,687
I don't know, like
wear jeans in bed
464
00:19:15,787 --> 00:19:18,557
and go apple picking and
shave each other's faces.
465
00:19:18,657 --> 00:19:20,366
Okay, I only know
what two of those are,
466
00:19:20,392 --> 00:19:21,851
and I thought apple
picking was fun.
467
00:19:21,894 --> 00:19:24,496
And I don't want
to be a cuddle boy.
468
00:19:24,563 --> 00:19:27,032
Like I-I want to be a sex boy.
469
00:19:27,132 --> 00:19:29,501
Like, I like sex.
470
00:19:29,568 --> 00:19:31,703
- Okay. I like sex too.
- Obviously.
471
00:19:31,803 --> 00:19:33,515
I mean, not during the
week but on weekends,
472
00:19:33,539 --> 00:19:34,540
like, Sundays before HBO.
473
00:19:34,640 --> 00:19:35,908
That's the thing.
474
00:19:36,008 --> 00:19:38,310
I think I want to have
sex instead of HBO.
475
00:19:38,377 --> 00:19:40,045
Well, now you're
just being insane.
476
00:19:40,145 --> 00:19:41,456
I don't want to go
to Disney-Paris.
477
00:19:41,480 --> 00:19:43,215
I want to go to regular Paris
478
00:19:43,315 --> 00:19:45,717
and like find some guy
named Pierre on the street
479
00:19:45,817 --> 00:19:47,295
and blow him and
never see him again.
480
00:19:47,319 --> 00:19:49,488
And I think I do want
to use a butt plug.
481
00:19:49,555 --> 00:19:50,989
That sounds really hot to me.
482
00:19:51,056 --> 00:19:53,225
- Where's this coming from?
- I don't know.
483
00:19:53,325 --> 00:19:56,728
I think I'm just realizing
I've only seen six dicks
484
00:19:56,828 --> 00:19:59,097
my whole life, and three
of them were straight,
485
00:19:59,198 --> 00:20:01,233
one of them's mine, and
one of them was so bad
486
00:20:01,333 --> 00:20:02,701
it shouldn't even count.
487
00:20:02,768 --> 00:20:04,403
I don't know, I
just... I feel like
488
00:20:04,503 --> 00:20:07,606
maybe I need to see more
dicks before I settle down.
489
00:20:07,706 --> 00:20:10,409
I mean, shouldn't I
first see 50 dicks
490
00:20:10,509 --> 00:20:12,744
and then there'll be
one dick that's like,
491
00:20:12,844 --> 00:20:14,413
that's the dick
for me. That's it.
492
00:20:14,513 --> 00:20:16,722
I... I mean, I'm not even
talking about dicks anymore.
493
00:20:16,782 --> 00:20:18,784
Yeah, no, I got that.
494
00:20:23,589 --> 00:20:25,390
I mean, don't you ever worry
495
00:20:25,457 --> 00:20:29,294
that I'm not the
right person for you?
496
00:20:30,229 --> 00:20:33,765
No, I'm happy with you.
497
00:20:33,865 --> 00:20:35,801
I love you.
498
00:20:39,371 --> 00:20:42,307
Shit.
499
00:20:42,407 --> 00:20:43,709
I'm sorry.
500
00:20:47,112 --> 00:20:48,947
You're such a good guy,
501
00:20:49,047 --> 00:20:52,384
and I was so proud
to have a boyfriend.
502
00:20:52,451 --> 00:20:55,254
I just... I'm...
503
00:20:57,155 --> 00:21:00,158
I'm just not ready
to be a cuddle boy.
504
00:21:01,593 --> 00:21:02,961
Okay.
505
00:21:04,997 --> 00:21:09,501
I mean, again I don't
know what that is,
506
00:21:09,601 --> 00:21:11,003
but okay.
507
00:21:19,478 --> 00:21:22,080
- Hey, you've reached Cary.
- Oh God!
508
00:21:22,147 --> 00:21:24,983
I guess he's still in the bath.
509
00:21:25,083 --> 00:21:27,286
I want to be in a bath.
510
00:21:35,460 --> 00:21:38,530
Sorry, gotta sweep
up this mess here.
511
00:21:38,630 --> 00:21:42,134
Just kidding, It's
Pat! Surprise!
512
00:21:42,200 --> 00:21:43,435
Oh my God.
513
00:21:43,502 --> 00:21:46,838
Ugh! Probably getting
her toes sucked.
514
00:21:46,938 --> 00:21:50,208
I guess I'll... call a child?
515
00:21:51,476 --> 00:21:53,512
- Okay. You're doing great.
- Open up.
516
00:21:53,612 --> 00:21:55,881
Just
two more hours, bud.
517
00:21:55,981 --> 00:21:57,849
When can I start my new album?
518
00:21:57,949 --> 00:21:59,260
- Shh, shh, shh.
- Try not to move.
519
00:21:59,284 --> 00:22:00,719
We need the mold to capture
520
00:22:00,819 --> 00:22:03,689
every curve of your body.
With clothes, on of course.
521
00:22:03,789 --> 00:22:05,857
Oh man, this looks
so good. I'm jealous.
522
00:22:07,693 --> 00:22:12,397
Good. So I have no one
at the end of the day.
523
00:22:12,497 --> 00:22:14,399
I just... I have no one.
524
00:22:24,476 --> 00:22:26,311
- We got the results back.
- Oh, okay.
525
00:22:26,378 --> 00:22:28,747
- You're fine.
- It was just an ingrown hair.
526
00:22:28,847 --> 00:22:31,883
- Oh God!
- Are you... really, are you sure?
527
00:22:31,983 --> 00:22:33,418
- Yes.
- Jesus.
528
00:22:33,518 --> 00:22:35,721
Between me and you,
I knew it was a hair.
529
00:22:35,821 --> 00:22:38,390
I just didn't want to
make the doctor feel dumb,
530
00:22:38,490 --> 00:22:40,659
but he is. Very dumb.
531
00:22:40,726 --> 00:22:44,930
He spends all day on Instagram.
He's not a good doctor.
532
00:22:47,999 --> 00:22:49,768
Hey, ha ha, great news, right?
533
00:22:49,868 --> 00:22:51,903
You want to head
back to my place
534
00:22:52,003 --> 00:22:55,607
- and finish the checkup?
- Absolutely go fuck yourself.
535
00:23:33,779 --> 00:23:34,979
- Hey.
- Hey.
536
00:23:35,046 --> 00:23:36,782
Sorry, I missed you. What's up?
537
00:23:36,882 --> 00:23:40,452
- Nothing.
- I just had a little scare.
538
00:23:40,552 --> 00:23:44,423
It's all good. You can
go back to your bath.
539
00:23:44,489 --> 00:23:48,126
I'm, uh, I'm actually back home.
540
00:23:48,226 --> 00:23:50,462
Jess and I, uh, broke up.
541
00:23:50,562 --> 00:23:51,930
Oh, Cary.
542
00:23:53,832 --> 00:23:55,734
I'm so sorry.
543
00:23:57,669 --> 00:24:00,505
Do you want to come
over and talk about it?
544
00:24:00,605 --> 00:24:04,776
- I think I'm okay, actually.
- It was the right decision.
545
00:24:04,843 --> 00:24:06,478
- Oh, okay. Cool.
- Well, you know,
546
00:24:06,578 --> 00:24:10,515
if you change your mind and
you do need to talk about it,
547
00:24:10,615 --> 00:24:13,318
I am here in my
548
00:24:13,418 --> 00:24:17,289
big... empty apartment.
549
00:24:19,591 --> 00:24:21,026
Well, you know that,
550
00:24:21,126 --> 00:24:22,994
that does actually
sound really nice.
551
00:24:23,094 --> 00:24:25,139
I'll... I'll hop on the subway.
I'll be over in an hour.
552
00:24:25,163 --> 00:24:28,300
Okay, cool, you know, but
if you wanted to talk sooner
553
00:24:28,366 --> 00:24:30,001
you could also take a Lyft.
554
00:24:30,101 --> 00:24:31,512
- Okay, Brooke.
- I'll take a Lyft.
555
00:24:31,536 --> 00:24:33,371
And if you were really
desperate to talk,
556
00:24:33,472 --> 00:24:34,673
you could do Lyft Black.
557
00:24:34,773 --> 00:24:36,208
Sometimes those cars are closer,
558
00:24:36,308 --> 00:24:38,085
and it shaves a couple
of minutes off your trip.
559
00:24:38,109 --> 00:24:39,845
Look, Brooke, I
can't take Lyft Black
560
00:24:39,945 --> 00:24:41,446
because I'm still poor.
561
00:24:41,513 --> 00:24:43,815
Okay, well, Lyft regular
then but call it now
562
00:24:43,882 --> 00:24:47,853
'cause the sooner you get here,
the sooner... I can help you.
563
00:24:47,953 --> 00:24:51,056
- Thanks, Brooke.
- I'll see you soon.