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It's been said that,
according to Greek mythology,
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humans were originally created
with four arms, four legs,
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and a head with two faces.
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But fearing their power,
Zeus split them into two separate parts,
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condemning humans
to spend the rest of their lives
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searching for their other half,
their soul's equal.
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And if that's true,
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then Zeus is an asshole.
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00:01:14,916 --> 00:01:17,500
Sure, dating has
never really been easy,
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00:01:17,583 --> 00:01:20,041
but modern dating online is even harder.
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I keep thinking my perfect match
has to be out there, just one click away.
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- Someone kind, and honest, and ideally…
- Honey?
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…someone that doesn't already
have a wife. Am I right?
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Despite my gut telling me
that maybe I should give up altogether,
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along comes Ted, a Libra who likes puppies
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and offers to take me on a sunset sail
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until he ghosts me.
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But on a positive note,
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I've turned my horrible love life
into a successful online writing career.
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For years,
I've been chronicling my disaster dates
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under the pseudonym "Always a Bridesmaid."
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And people seem to love
that I can't find love.
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But honestly, I'm not sure
how much longer I can do this.
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How is it that everyone
has found the one, and I haven't?
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00:02:13,125 --> 00:02:15,458
Either I'm the unluckiest woman
in the world,
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or my picker is broken.
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It's both.
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What's the one common denominator
in all of these dates?
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It's you.
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I beg your pardon?
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The common denominator
is that it's a bunch of LA assholes.
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That's your other problem.
You're only looking local.
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I had to import Mark from Ohio,
for God's sakes.
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00:02:35,041 --> 00:02:36,750
You gotta think bigger.
35
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Jesus, Nat! You only have
your dating radius set to five miles.
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You gotta look outside West Hollywood.
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Gas is so expensive.
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I mean, it'd be 40 bucks to get
to Glendale, and that's only one way.
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00:02:48,416 --> 00:02:51,083
It's cheaper to do cocaine
and then run everywhere.
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Okay. Fixed it.
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00:02:52,666 --> 00:02:54,166
I'm gonna get a juice. Want something?
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Ooh yeah, uh, grab me a Green Latifah
with an extra shot of wheatgrass.
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- Oh, but no kiwi because I'm...
- I… I know, you're allergic. No kiwi.
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Sorry. Habit.
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The last time an intern forgot,
I almost died.
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00:03:06,750 --> 00:03:10,875
Natalie, where's my next story?
I'm assuming your next date is lined up.
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I was thinking for the next one,
maybe we'll try something different. Like…
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Something a little bit more upbeat?
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Why the hell would you do that?
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00:03:18,583 --> 00:03:20,208
So I don't spend another evening
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with a guy who was featured
on an episode of Hoarders.
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- It's making me miserable.
- Oh, I'm sorry.
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Everyone's miserable, though.
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00:03:27,875 --> 00:03:29,875
But that's why Soash Media exists
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to either distract people
from their own lives,
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or to show them that things could be,
you know, so, so much worse.
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Remember, a disaster for you
is a hit for me. Okay?
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- Got food in your teeth.
- You might wanna…
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Get it to me!
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{\an8} I'm a nude yoga instructor. Namaste.
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{\an8}Semi-finalist
on Dancing with the Stars.
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{\an8}Devoted feminist.
Favorite movie: The Noteb...
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{\an8}This could be yours, girl.
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00:04:21,500 --> 00:04:23,458
{\an8}Why don't you come over and play with...
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{\an8}Passionate about life
and all things outdoors.
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00:04:26,875 --> 00:04:28,541
{\an8}When I'm not traveling for work,
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00:04:28,625 --> 00:04:32,416
{\an8}you'll find me at home in Lake Placid,
New York, planning my next move.
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{\an8}Wow!
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00:04:35,291 --> 00:04:38,333
{\an8}Looking for a woman
who's spontaneous and drama-free.
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Ugh.
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00:04:48,208 --> 00:04:52,541
Love Actually?
Worst Christmas movie ever!
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Hey, Natalie.
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00:04:54,375 --> 00:04:57,375
So how do you really feel about
my favorite Christmas movie?
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It's a movie about people
falling in love based on how they look.
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I like to think it's a story
about the triumph of love over reality.
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I can work with that.
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00:05:10,041 --> 00:05:12,125
So, what's your
favorite Christmas movie?
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00:05:12,208 --> 00:05:16,041
That's easy.
Hands down, Die Hard.
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00:05:16,125 --> 00:05:18,833
You really think
Die Hard is a Christmas movie?
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Yippee Ki Yay, I do!
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Okay. Convince me.
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Okay.
83
00:05:27,750 --> 00:05:30,458
Fine. I can give you
seven reasons, to be exact.
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You've studied this in depth.
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00:05:32,500 --> 00:05:34,750
One, it takes place
during a Christmas party.
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- Doesn't make it a Christmas movie!
- I have more evidence.
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00:05:37,791 --> 00:05:41,166
Two, it snows at the end.
Number three, there are presents involved.
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There are presents involved
in most movies ever made!
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You know what? I'm willing
to reconsider this. I might actually...
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Holy shit!
I mean, this guy is, like, friggin' hot.
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He knows the difference between there
and they are, which you'd be surprised by.
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{\an8}He's Asian-American
and speaks three languages.
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00:06:02,333 --> 00:06:05,916
He's a world traveler but hasn't been
to any places on the watch list.
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00:06:06,000 --> 00:06:08,416
- So really there's only one con.
- What?
95
00:06:08,500 --> 00:06:09,833
You've never seen him.
96
00:06:09,916 --> 00:06:12,916
Come on.
There's six pictures on his profile.
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00:06:13,000 --> 00:06:16,416
That means nothing. Remember the last guy
you met up with in public?
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00:06:16,500 --> 00:06:17,333
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
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00:06:17,416 --> 00:06:19,833
He ended up being
20 years older than his photos.
100
00:06:19,916 --> 00:06:22,416
This guy could be old.
He could be a waiter from the Last Supper.
101
00:06:22,500 --> 00:06:23,708
- What?
- Look at me. Look at me.
102
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You do not trust anybody
unless he sends you a photo
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holding today's newspaper
with the date on it. Okay? Yeah.
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Oh yeah, that's what we're gonna do.
I'm calling him to get a photo.
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- No! No.
- Yeah. What?
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I'm… I'm sorry.
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- I'm a large woman.
- No.
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- You cannot get this phone.
- No.
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- Yeah, try me. Oh! Okay, fine!
- No. Oh!
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Sounds like I'm missing
a fun party.
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Hello?
112
00:06:44,916 --> 00:06:46,458
Hello?
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- Josh!
- Hey, Natalie.
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- I'm sorry.
- Hi!
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00:06:50,083 --> 00:06:51,375
- Hey.
- Mm-hmm.
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00:06:51,458 --> 00:06:55,541
I… I actually didn't mean to call you.
I was, um, hiking and…
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- I tripped and accidentally hit "Call."
- What the fuck are you saying?
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- Glad you're still alive.
- What?
119
00:07:02,500 --> 00:07:04,833
I'm happy to be
your emergency contact,
120
00:07:04,916 --> 00:07:07,000
even with the three-hour time difference.
121
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- I'm sorry.
- Nope. Nope. I'm still alive.
122
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So anyway, I… I better get back to it.
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Sorry to bother you. Bye.
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I'm gonna kill you.
125
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I'm sorry!
126
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What?
127
00:07:18,916 --> 00:07:20,500
- What?
- Are you satisfied?
128
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Oh!
129
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Yeah, she's satisfied. Oh my God.
130
00:07:25,000 --> 00:07:27,208
He is so cute!
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00:07:27,291 --> 00:07:29,458
- Oh.
- What is… like… what is this?
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00:07:30,250 --> 00:07:31,125
I mean…
133
00:07:31,208 --> 00:07:34,750
…but when you start making toast
in the tub, that's when we'll worry.
134
00:07:36,458 --> 00:07:41,000
You know, when I first saw your profile,
I thought you'd just be another guy
135
00:07:41,083 --> 00:07:43,583
who's really hot
and has a dick pic on standby.
136
00:07:43,666 --> 00:07:46,291
Well, what makes you think I'm not?
137
00:07:53,583 --> 00:07:56,291
- Ah.
- Your turn! Tit for tat, Nat.
138
00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:02,291
Oh! That's a weird Dick!
139
00:08:02,375 --> 00:08:03,791
At least mine's not crooked.
140
00:08:06,375 --> 00:08:08,291
My parents got divorced
when I was three,
141
00:08:08,375 --> 00:08:11,125
but I got a pretty great stepmom now, so…
142
00:08:11,208 --> 00:08:14,333
My mom passed away last year.
You would've loved her.
143
00:08:14,416 --> 00:08:15,625
Everyone did.
144
00:08:21,666 --> 00:08:27,208
Honestly, I'm so over eating out.
I prefer to just stay in and cook.
145
00:08:27,291 --> 00:08:30,208
- Oh! You cook?
- Oh yeah. All the time.
146
00:08:30,291 --> 00:08:32,250
Tonight I'll be assisted in the kitchen
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00:08:32,333 --> 00:08:35,375
by Chef Boyardee
and my good friends Ben and Jerry.
148
00:08:38,500 --> 00:08:41,000
No way.
You were chubby as a kid too?
149
00:08:41,083 --> 00:08:42,250
I swear to you.
150
00:08:42,333 --> 00:08:45,208
Kids in middle school
used to ask me which chin I really used.
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00:08:45,291 --> 00:08:47,166
Ugh, kids can be so cruel.
152
00:08:53,666 --> 00:08:56,916
You're telling me it's really
Tom Cruise flying these planes?
153
00:08:57,000 --> 00:08:59,208
That was him driving the car
in Days of Thunder,
154
00:08:59,291 --> 00:09:02,125
him hanging from the ceiling
in Mission Impossible... Oh, drink!
155
00:09:02,208 --> 00:09:06,750
Ugh. I had no idea
that this movie was so homoerotic.
156
00:09:06,833 --> 00:09:10,166
Yeah, actually I think Maverick
and Iceman get married in the sequel.
157
00:09:10,250 --> 00:09:12,625
Ugh. "Bottom Gun"?
158
00:09:12,708 --> 00:09:13,791
I'd watch that.
159
00:09:13,875 --> 00:09:16,208
Ooh! Maverick just disobeyed an order!
Chug!
160
00:09:18,333 --> 00:09:20,333
What was your favorite book
as a kid?
161
00:09:20,416 --> 00:09:24,125
It was a book of poems
called Where The Sidewalk Ends.
162
00:09:24,208 --> 00:09:27,708
"I cannot go to school today,
said little Peggy Ann McKay."
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00:09:27,791 --> 00:09:29,750
I can't believe
that you know that.
164
00:09:30,250 --> 00:09:33,666
Before there was Ferris Bueller,
there was Peggy Ann McKay.
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00:09:35,208 --> 00:09:36,333
You know,
166
00:09:37,041 --> 00:09:41,916
my, um, my mom, she used to read
that to me when I was little.
167
00:09:45,291 --> 00:09:47,958
It used to help me sleep,
but I honestly can't
168
00:09:48,833 --> 00:09:51,791
think of a single thing
that's more comforting than
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00:09:52,583 --> 00:09:53,833
being read to.
170
00:09:55,541 --> 00:09:58,166
"This bridge
will only take you halfway there
171
00:09:59,333 --> 00:10:02,125
to those mysterious lands
you long to see."
172
00:10:04,625 --> 00:10:07,625
"Through gypsy camps
and swirling Arab fairs."
173
00:10:09,166 --> 00:10:12,416
"And moonlit woods
where unicorns run free."
174
00:10:13,583 --> 00:10:15,458
"So, come and walk awhile with me
175
00:10:16,208 --> 00:10:19,250
and share the twisting trails
176
00:10:19,750 --> 00:10:21,416
and wondrous worlds I've known."
177
00:10:22,833 --> 00:10:25,333
"But this bridge
will only take you halfway there."
178
00:10:26,333 --> 00:10:29,666
"The last few steps
you will have to walk alone."
179
00:10:46,875 --> 00:10:47,916
Josh?
180
00:10:50,166 --> 00:10:51,916
Good morning.
181
00:10:53,458 --> 00:10:57,208
Oh, I guess I really should have
gotten the Verizon Unlimited plan.
182
00:11:21,291 --> 00:11:23,916
Natalie. My office, now.
183
00:11:27,833 --> 00:11:30,958
It's been two weeks.
Where's my next Disaster Date story?
184
00:11:31,041 --> 00:11:35,750
Um… Could you just pause for a second?
It's a little distracting.
185
00:11:35,833 --> 00:11:39,541
No. I can't stop. I won't stop.
Now, where's my next story?
186
00:11:39,625 --> 00:11:40,791
Here's the thing.
187
00:11:42,083 --> 00:11:44,375
- I met someone.
- Mm-hmm.
188
00:11:44,458 --> 00:11:46,833
I think this might be the real deal.
189
00:11:46,916 --> 00:11:50,208
- Oh boy. Here we go.
- I'd like to write about that instead.
190
00:11:50,791 --> 00:11:52,250
I'm not buying it.
191
00:11:52,333 --> 00:11:55,291
Just go out with some Tinder tool
and complain about him, please.
192
00:11:55,375 --> 00:11:56,458
I don't complain.
193
00:11:56,541 --> 00:11:58,291
Why'd you dump the guy
with the guinea pigs?
194
00:11:58,375 --> 00:11:59,458
They freaked me out.
195
00:11:59,541 --> 00:12:01,083
And the guy who smiled all the time?
196
00:12:01,166 --> 00:12:03,458
You could never tell
if he was actually happy.
197
00:12:03,541 --> 00:12:06,208
How about the guy who kept calling
your relationship a collab?
198
00:12:06,291 --> 00:12:07,708
Do I really need to explain?
199
00:12:09,125 --> 00:12:12,916
Natalie,
here's the deal, okay?
200
00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:15,375
Your dating life is a disaster.
201
00:12:15,458 --> 00:12:19,875
But you should be thankful
because it's why you have a job.
202
00:12:21,791 --> 00:12:23,250
What if I write a piece
203
00:12:23,333 --> 00:12:26,833
about a girl on the verge
of completely giving up on love
204
00:12:26,916 --> 00:12:31,083
when she comes to find
that the perfect guy might actually exist?
205
00:12:31,708 --> 00:12:32,791
So she risks it all.
206
00:12:32,875 --> 00:12:35,541
Her sanity, her common sense,
207
00:12:35,625 --> 00:12:38,125
her ability to ever be on The Bachelor,
208
00:12:38,208 --> 00:12:40,583
and it's worth it
because they fall in love
209
00:12:40,666 --> 00:12:42,958
just in time for Christmas.
210
00:12:43,041 --> 00:12:44,666
Ooh, I like it.
211
00:12:44,750 --> 00:12:46,916
I just don't think
you're the one to write it.
212
00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:49,750
You gotta leave the serious stuff
to the real journalists, like Steve.
213
00:12:49,833 --> 00:12:50,875
Screw Steve.
214
00:12:50,958 --> 00:12:54,208
I did. Hastag don't tell HR. Low-key.
215
00:12:54,291 --> 00:12:55,166
You know what?
216
00:12:55,250 --> 00:12:59,666
As of this moment right now,
my disaster dating days are over.
217
00:12:59,750 --> 00:13:02,083
I'm gonna fly to Lake Placid, New York.
218
00:13:02,166 --> 00:13:05,666
I'm gonna surprise Josh,
and I'm gonna get my happy ending.
219
00:13:05,750 --> 00:13:08,708
I'm sorry.
So, you haven't even met this dude yet?
220
00:13:08,791 --> 00:13:12,291
- Well, not… not in person, but...
- Oh, I take it all back.
221
00:13:12,375 --> 00:13:14,541
No, I take everything back.
You should write about this.
222
00:13:14,625 --> 00:13:16,041
You should fly across the country
223
00:13:16,125 --> 00:13:18,083
and surprise a virtual stranger
for the holidays.
224
00:13:18,166 --> 00:13:21,416
This is gonna be
your most epic Disaster Date yet.
225
00:13:21,500 --> 00:13:23,791
Uh-oh. Who's doing the dance?
226
00:13:23,875 --> 00:13:26,000
You're wrong, Lee, and I'm gonna show you.
227
00:13:26,083 --> 00:13:29,416
Because this is going to be
the most epic love story
228
00:13:29,500 --> 00:13:31,291
that you have ever read.
229
00:13:31,791 --> 00:13:34,958
Now, if you'll please excuse me,
I have bags to pack.
230
00:13:35,041 --> 00:13:37,791
Okay.
231
00:13:38,958 --> 00:13:41,166
Is this insane? It's kind of insane.
232
00:13:41,250 --> 00:13:43,500
- Am I insane? I'm insane. What am I doing?
- No, no, no, no.
233
00:13:43,583 --> 00:13:46,625
Hey. Insanity is doing the same thing
over and over again
234
00:13:46,708 --> 00:13:48,750
and expecting different results.
235
00:13:48,833 --> 00:13:50,750
You, my friend,
are about to fly 3,000 miles
236
00:13:50,833 --> 00:13:53,083
to meet up with a guy
who is literally the polar opposite
237
00:13:53,166 --> 00:13:55,791
of anybody you've ever dated before, so...
238
00:13:55,875 --> 00:13:58,208
Oh my God. The mother of all ironies is
239
00:13:58,291 --> 00:14:00,666
this might be
the most sane thing you've ever done.
240
00:14:20,458 --> 00:14:22,958
Oh. Sir, excuse me. Um…
241
00:14:23,458 --> 00:14:24,708
My bags...
242
00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:29,000
Ooh. Hi.
243
00:14:29,083 --> 00:14:31,916
I just landed, but my bag didn't arrive.
244
00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:35,958
Fill out the form to your left and drop it
in the after-hours slot when you're done.
245
00:14:36,041 --> 00:14:40,208
Why would I drop it
in the after-hours slot?
246
00:14:40,291 --> 00:14:42,666
You're here. This office is open.
247
00:14:42,750 --> 00:14:44,708
It's literally hours.
248
00:14:44,791 --> 00:14:48,041
Just fill out the form,
and someone will contact you.
249
00:14:51,041 --> 00:14:51,916
Okay.
250
00:15:12,375 --> 00:15:13,291
Is this a joke?
251
00:15:14,041 --> 00:15:15,875
Oh, the gig economy's no joke.
252
00:15:17,958 --> 00:15:19,833
I'll get a different Uber. Thanks.
253
00:15:20,708 --> 00:15:22,458
I'm the only Uber in town.
254
00:15:22,541 --> 00:15:24,750
Fine. I'll get a Lyft.
255
00:15:30,708 --> 00:15:33,875
4.9 stars, and I offer snacks.
256
00:15:35,458 --> 00:15:36,833
Nacho cheese?
257
00:15:37,583 --> 00:15:40,458
Baked potato? I've got baked potatoes.
258
00:15:45,083 --> 00:15:46,958
You want some papaya? Kiwi?
259
00:15:47,500 --> 00:15:50,500
No kiwi.
I would swell up like a blowfish.
260
00:15:50,583 --> 00:15:53,625
- Where am I taking you, again?
- 420 Holt Street.
261
00:15:53,708 --> 00:15:54,833
The Lin household?
262
00:15:54,916 --> 00:15:55,750
- Mm-hmm.
- Nice.
263
00:15:55,833 --> 00:15:58,166
How could you possibly know that?
264
00:15:58,250 --> 00:16:00,458
Josh Lin is an old buddy of mine,
265
00:16:00,541 --> 00:16:03,875
and given the stuff we used to smoke
in his basement after school,
266
00:16:04,500 --> 00:16:06,916
that's not exactly an address you forget.
267
00:16:07,625 --> 00:16:09,875
Okay. Can you please
just turn the radio off?
268
00:16:09,958 --> 00:16:12,875
It's a great song and a classic.
269
00:16:12,958 --> 00:16:18,125
Yeah. It's been putting the hip
in Rohypnol since 1944.
270
00:16:18,208 --> 00:16:23,083
What are you talking about?
It's a cute and flirty Christmas duet.
271
00:16:23,166 --> 00:16:25,041
Maybe if you're Bill Cosby.
272
00:16:25,625 --> 00:16:27,583
If you could
please change the station?
273
00:16:27,666 --> 00:16:28,708
You're the boss.
274
00:16:34,416 --> 00:16:35,250
Wow.
275
00:16:37,708 --> 00:16:39,750
They really love Christmas, huh?
276
00:16:39,833 --> 00:16:41,375
You should see this place at Halloween.
277
00:16:41,458 --> 00:16:44,166
Stephen King is too afraid
to trick-or-treat here.
278
00:16:44,250 --> 00:16:48,791
Hey, can you do me a favor?
Can you give this to Josh
279
00:16:48,875 --> 00:16:53,250
and tell him
E-Rock says to pass the Dutch?
280
00:16:54,291 --> 00:16:56,166
- Okay, Snoop.
- Oh yeah.
281
00:16:57,041 --> 00:16:59,583
Thank you for the ride.
282
00:17:23,875 --> 00:17:25,333
- Oh. Hi.
- Hi.
283
00:17:25,416 --> 00:17:27,500
Merry Christmas. Can I help you?
284
00:17:27,583 --> 00:17:31,166
Hi. Yeah. I'm, um, Natalie Bauer.
I'm here to see Josh Lin.
285
00:17:31,250 --> 00:17:32,250
Is he home?
286
00:17:33,291 --> 00:17:36,708
Uh. He's not here right now,
but I expect him any minute.
287
00:17:36,791 --> 00:17:38,583
Uh, why don't you come inside and wait?
288
00:17:38,666 --> 00:17:40,625
Oh. Um. Sure.
289
00:17:40,708 --> 00:17:41,958
Oh my goodness. Um.
290
00:17:42,041 --> 00:17:47,541
I wasn't expecting company, uh, tonight.
I'm Barb. I'm Josh's mom.
291
00:17:47,625 --> 00:17:49,208
- Nice to meet you.
- Hi. You too.
292
00:17:49,291 --> 00:17:52,208
So, you and Josh are friends?
293
00:17:52,958 --> 00:17:55,958
Yeah. Yeah.
I guess you could say that.
294
00:17:56,041 --> 00:17:59,375
Is that the Mormons again?
For the last time, we're not converting!
295
00:17:59,458 --> 00:18:01,333
It's not the Mormons, Bob!
296
00:18:01,416 --> 00:18:03,833
It's a friend of Josh's!
297
00:18:03,916 --> 00:18:06,291
He does that every single, solitary time,
even Halloween.
298
00:18:06,375 --> 00:18:08,958
Every time it rang one year,
he was like, "Is that the Mormons?"
299
00:18:09,041 --> 00:18:10,583
Here is Bob.
300
00:18:10,666 --> 00:18:13,708
This is Josh's Dad.
And this is his Grandmother, June.
301
00:18:13,791 --> 00:18:15,500
- Hello, dear!
- Hi. Oh.
302
00:18:15,583 --> 00:18:17,375
Okay, that's good. That's good.
303
00:18:17,458 --> 00:18:20,750
- How do you know Josh?
- Ah, they're friends, Grandma June.
304
00:18:20,833 --> 00:18:24,583
We're maybe
just a little bit more than just friends.
305
00:18:26,041 --> 00:18:28,958
Oh my God. Are you… are you his "G Word"?
306
00:18:29,708 --> 00:18:31,166
- Geisha?
- No.
307
00:18:31,250 --> 00:18:32,875
Oh, you're his girlfriend?
308
00:18:32,958 --> 00:18:34,958
I mean maybe. There's no titles yet.
309
00:18:35,041 --> 00:18:39,333
Oh my! This… this is just off the charts.
Look at you!
310
00:18:39,416 --> 00:18:42,583
- Thanks. It's a new lip gloss.
- Josh has a girlfriend?
311
00:18:42,666 --> 00:18:44,958
Well, I mean… no…
312
00:18:45,041 --> 00:18:47,583
Do we have something special? Yes.
313
00:18:47,666 --> 00:18:50,208
Did I fly from LA
to surprise him for Christmas?
314
00:18:50,291 --> 00:18:54,125
- Mm-hmm. Sure did. Here I am. Am I crazy?
- A little.
315
00:18:54,208 --> 00:18:57,041
- Uh, yeah, maybe a little.
- You are... This is just so romantic.
316
00:18:57,125 --> 00:18:58,458
Oh God, I hope so.
317
00:18:58,541 --> 00:19:00,208
Oh, Natalie, we are so...
318
00:19:01,791 --> 00:19:03,583
That's him. Josh!
319
00:19:03,666 --> 00:19:05,666
Someone's here to see you!
320
00:19:06,208 --> 00:19:09,166
The UPS guy's not here to see me.
Just sign for the package!
321
00:19:09,250 --> 00:19:11,541
It's not UPS!
322
00:19:11,625 --> 00:19:12,958
Just come up!
323
00:19:30,333 --> 00:19:32,208
Surprise!
324
00:19:32,875 --> 00:19:33,916
Natalie?
325
00:19:35,958 --> 00:19:37,583
What are you doing here?
326
00:19:37,666 --> 00:19:39,750
Surprising you for Christmas!
327
00:19:40,333 --> 00:19:41,541
Uh…
328
00:19:42,500 --> 00:19:43,333
I…
329
00:19:45,500 --> 00:19:47,833
Um…
330
00:19:50,416 --> 00:19:52,625
Forgot my luggage. So I'm gonna…
331
00:19:54,208 --> 00:19:56,250
Josh, go help her with her luggage.
332
00:19:56,333 --> 00:19:57,541
Natalie!
333
00:19:57,625 --> 00:19:59,000
Good work, Josh.
334
00:19:59,083 --> 00:20:01,333
No, no, no, no, no.
This cannot be happening.
335
00:20:01,416 --> 00:20:04,708
- Look. I… I can explain!
- I don't understand.
336
00:20:04,791 --> 00:20:08,875
We talked.
I made sure... The… the photo!
337
00:20:08,958 --> 00:20:12,041
It had my name on it.
You wrote, "Bye, Natalie!"
338
00:20:12,625 --> 00:20:14,250
I'm pretty good at Photoshop.
339
00:20:14,333 --> 00:20:18,333
Oh my God!
340
00:20:18,416 --> 00:20:20,041
Okay, let's take a deep breath.
341
00:20:20,125 --> 00:20:22,041
Not the baby Jesus.
Don't. Don't. No, no, no, no.
342
00:20:22,125 --> 00:20:24,250
What kind of psychopath
creates a fake profile
343
00:20:24,333 --> 00:20:27,083
and then starts a fake
relationship online?
344
00:20:27,166 --> 00:20:28,291
What kind of psycho
345
00:20:28,375 --> 00:20:31,208
flies across the country
and shows up on somebody's front lawn?
346
00:20:31,291 --> 00:20:35,125
You said, and I quote, "I wish
you were here with me for Christmas."
347
00:20:35,208 --> 00:20:38,250
That's just something people say.
Like, "Your baby's so cute"
348
00:20:38,333 --> 00:20:40,333
or "My diet starts tomorrow."
349
00:20:40,416 --> 00:20:41,875
Everybody knows that.
350
00:20:41,958 --> 00:20:44,875
Well, apparently not everybody. Mm.
351
00:20:46,041 --> 00:20:48,958
Are you implying that this is my fault?
352
00:20:49,041 --> 00:20:52,250
- Nobody is blaming anybody, okay?
- Oh!
353
00:20:52,333 --> 00:20:56,541
Maybe, maybe I get it, you never dated
a Chinese guy before, and you're in shock!
354
00:20:56,625 --> 00:21:01,083
Yes, I have. He was born in Beijing,
and he was amazing in bed.
355
00:21:01,166 --> 00:21:04,041
How could you lie to me?
I really liked you.
356
00:21:04,125 --> 00:21:07,416
I'm sorry. I… I never meant
for it to go this far. Okay?
357
00:21:07,500 --> 00:21:10,833
- Can we… can we go back inside and...
- No, I'm not going inside!
358
00:21:10,916 --> 00:21:12,541
I'm not going anywhere with you.
359
00:21:12,625 --> 00:21:15,458
I never want to see you again. Okay?
360
00:21:16,916 --> 00:21:20,208
- You don't know where you're going!
- Baby Jesus will take the wheel.
361
00:21:25,625 --> 00:21:27,000
Yeah!
362
00:21:34,125 --> 00:21:37,416
Hey, um, grab me another one
of these green apple thingies.
363
00:21:37,500 --> 00:21:38,875
I got you. One sec, baby girl.
364
00:21:38,958 --> 00:21:43,750
And so, Sarah asked me, "Would you rather
have a better memory or a bigger penis?"
365
00:21:43,833 --> 00:21:45,041
Okay. What'd you say?
366
00:21:45,541 --> 00:21:46,541
I don't remember.
367
00:21:48,958 --> 00:21:49,958
Cali Asskicker.
368
00:21:50,041 --> 00:21:51,125
Cali Asskicker!
369
00:21:51,208 --> 00:21:53,375
Cali Asskicker!
370
00:21:53,458 --> 00:21:55,083
Merry Christmas, everybody!
371
00:22:08,250 --> 00:22:10,708
- Get over here!
- Put 'em up, put 'em up!
372
00:22:10,791 --> 00:22:12,833
- Triple Sec. Rum juice.
- Okay. Talk to me.
373
00:22:12,916 --> 00:22:14,916
- Orange juice. Kiwi.
- Say what?
374
00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:16,333
- Great.
- You know me.
375
00:22:17,583 --> 00:22:20,125
Come on, Kerry, answer the phone.
376
00:22:22,416 --> 00:22:24,666
Tell me you are calling me
from his bathroom
377
00:22:24,750 --> 00:22:27,166
after the most intense orgasm
of your life.
378
00:22:27,250 --> 00:22:30,458
Hard to have an orgasm
when you've been catfished!
379
00:22:30,541 --> 00:22:31,916
Shut up. Are you joking?
380
00:22:35,541 --> 00:22:36,750
Oh Jesus.
381
00:22:40,208 --> 00:22:42,166
You're telling me the guy exists,
and he's there?
382
00:22:42,250 --> 00:22:43,083
Yup.
383
00:22:43,166 --> 00:22:46,000
That is not a coincidence, bitch.
That is a sign from God.
384
00:22:46,083 --> 00:22:47,291
You should totally go for it.
385
00:22:47,375 --> 00:22:50,916
What are you, an LA six,
which makes you a Lake Placid ten?
386
00:22:51,000 --> 00:22:52,208
You owe it to yourself
387
00:22:52,291 --> 00:22:54,916
and your 50,000 frequent-flyer miles
to go for it.
388
00:22:55,000 --> 00:22:57,000
Besides, what do you have to lose? Huh?
389
00:22:57,083 --> 00:23:00,041
The last remaining microscopic shred
of my pride and self-respect?
390
00:23:00,125 --> 00:23:02,750
Long gone, Nat.
Besides, think of the story you'll write.
391
00:23:02,833 --> 00:23:05,458
Oh my God,
Lee would be eating his freakin' words.
392
00:23:05,541 --> 00:23:08,000
You know what, you're gonna go,
and you're gonna do this,
393
00:23:08,083 --> 00:23:11,333
and I… I want you to make
that rugged unicorn notice you, okay?
394
00:23:11,416 --> 00:23:14,416
You got this. Go, go, go, go.
I love you. Call me later.
395
00:23:23,958 --> 00:23:26,416
- Here are your drinks, guys. Get involved.
- Thanks.
396
00:23:26,500 --> 00:23:28,333
Sorry, I need these more
than you do.
397
00:23:28,416 --> 00:23:29,333
Hey!
398
00:23:30,000 --> 00:23:31,583
The roof might not be my child…
399
00:23:32,583 --> 00:23:34,958
but I'm still gonna raise it.
400
00:23:40,166 --> 00:23:42,041
Hey!
401
00:23:42,125 --> 00:23:44,208
Where's my drink? Who has my drink?
402
00:23:44,708 --> 00:23:48,125
Okay, what do we got?
403
00:23:48,625 --> 00:23:50,291
This is Christmas karaoke.
404
00:23:50,375 --> 00:23:52,166
Just play it, please.
405
00:23:55,541 --> 00:23:58,916
Okay, up next, we have Natalie doing
406
00:23:59,000 --> 00:24:01,958
her idea of a Christmas song.
407
00:24:02,041 --> 00:24:04,083
Sweet baby Jesus.
408
00:24:25,416 --> 00:24:28,333
Yes! Whoo!-
409
00:24:33,583 --> 00:24:34,500
Huh!
410
00:24:50,458 --> 00:24:52,791
Be respectful.
411
00:24:52,875 --> 00:24:54,333
- She has a condition.
- Um.
412
00:25:12,583 --> 00:25:14,416
Okay.
413
00:25:15,000 --> 00:25:17,208
I am a Christian!
414
00:25:17,291 --> 00:25:18,833
- Oh! Careful. Careful.
- Okay.
415
00:25:21,083 --> 00:25:24,166
Mm.
416
00:25:35,166 --> 00:25:38,916
Oh my God! Oh my God!
Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!
417
00:25:41,416 --> 00:25:42,250
Whoo.
418
00:25:43,708 --> 00:25:47,333
Yeah! Very solid.
419
00:25:47,416 --> 00:25:49,333
Here. You left these inside.
420
00:25:49,833 --> 00:25:54,000
Shit. There must've been kiwi
in those shots.
421
00:25:54,083 --> 00:25:55,541
What?
422
00:25:55,625 --> 00:25:57,708
Where is it? Where is it?
423
00:25:57,791 --> 00:26:00,125
Wha... Where's what?
424
00:26:01,916 --> 00:26:03,333
My EpiPen!
425
00:26:05,375 --> 00:26:06,666
Oh shit!
426
00:26:13,833 --> 00:26:16,416
Oh! Thank God you're not dead.
427
00:26:16,916 --> 00:26:18,708
Where am I?
428
00:26:18,791 --> 00:26:19,958
A hospital.
429
00:26:26,000 --> 00:26:27,791
You took me to a vet?
430
00:26:27,875 --> 00:26:30,500
Well, the real human hospital's
30 minutes away,
431
00:26:30,583 --> 00:26:32,041
and I didn't want to risk it.
432
00:26:32,125 --> 00:26:35,208
But relax, Dr. Foye is the best in town.
433
00:26:36,083 --> 00:26:40,541
Hello. I'm Dr. Foye.
Wow! You look a lot, uh, a lot better.
434
00:26:40,625 --> 00:26:43,791
Huh? Right? Good thing
Josh brought you in when he did, huh?
435
00:26:43,875 --> 00:26:45,250
'Cause you were like… Whoo!
436
00:26:45,333 --> 00:26:47,375
You're gonna be fine.
Stay as long as you like.
437
00:26:47,458 --> 00:26:49,833
Couple biscuits under the tree for you
if you like.
438
00:26:49,916 --> 00:26:51,625
- Thank you.
- Thanks, Doc.
439
00:26:54,375 --> 00:26:58,166
- So, you met the real Tag tonight, huh?
- Mm-hmm.
440
00:26:58,250 --> 00:27:01,666
Did you really think
sexy karaoke was going to work?
441
00:27:01,750 --> 00:27:05,541
This is not LA, and Tag is not an LA guy.
442
00:27:05,625 --> 00:27:09,666
Hot girls hit on him here all the time,
and they're all the same.
443
00:27:09,750 --> 00:27:12,500
If you want him to notice you,
do something different.
444
00:27:12,583 --> 00:27:14,333
Oh, he noticed me tonight.
445
00:27:14,416 --> 00:27:18,333
Honestly, your face was so swollen,
you looked more like Chucky.
446
00:27:18,416 --> 00:27:20,250
I doubt he'll recognize you.
447
00:27:20,333 --> 00:27:23,833
- I don't know anything about this guy.
- But I do.
448
00:27:23,916 --> 00:27:27,208
Not only were Tag and I
best friends until 8th grade,
449
00:27:27,291 --> 00:27:30,333
I have been pretending to be him
for the last two weeks.
450
00:27:30,416 --> 00:27:31,250
So what?
451
00:27:31,333 --> 00:27:35,000
So, I know Tag
better than he knows himself.
452
00:27:35,083 --> 00:27:37,125
I can help you get him.
453
00:27:38,500 --> 00:27:39,875
Why would you do that?
454
00:27:39,958 --> 00:27:42,583
Well, maybe if I'm helping
you with something,
455
00:27:42,666 --> 00:27:44,833
maybe you can do
something for me in return.
456
00:27:46,541 --> 00:27:49,375
I am not having sex with you.
457
00:27:49,458 --> 00:27:53,041
No! That's not what I'm saying at all.
458
00:27:53,666 --> 00:27:59,250
I was thinking maybe you can, um, pretend
to be my girlfriend until Christmas.
459
00:28:00,250 --> 00:28:01,125
Um.
460
00:28:01,833 --> 00:28:02,708
Why?
461
00:28:03,416 --> 00:28:06,291
Did you see how my parents
looked at me tonight
462
00:28:06,375 --> 00:28:08,458
when they thought you were my girlfriend?
463
00:28:08,541 --> 00:28:09,958
Okay, you're crazy.
464
00:28:11,083 --> 00:28:14,333
Being seen with you?
That would be a huge win.
465
00:28:14,416 --> 00:28:16,375
I mean, you know,
466
00:28:17,083 --> 00:28:18,208
look at you.
467
00:28:18,291 --> 00:28:20,666
All I'm asking for is a week.
468
00:28:20,750 --> 00:28:24,708
Then we'll stage a breakup,
and you'll be free from me forever.
469
00:28:35,708 --> 00:28:36,958
You're gonna set me up with Tag?
470
00:28:37,041 --> 00:28:40,458
Yes! You guys will be in love
by New Year's.
471
00:28:40,541 --> 00:28:42,666
Have a baby by next Thanksgiving.
472
00:28:43,500 --> 00:28:46,208
By the way, do you have insurance?
They were asking me.
473
00:28:48,416 --> 00:28:50,333
Well, welcome to my crib.
474
00:28:50,416 --> 00:28:52,333
This is where the magic happens.
475
00:28:52,958 --> 00:28:57,125
That's just something people say.
Not a lot of magic has happened at all.
476
00:28:57,208 --> 00:29:00,250
Uh… but got a mini-fridge
with all kinds of soda.
477
00:29:00,333 --> 00:29:03,666
There's laundry, bathroom,
foosball table if you want to play.
478
00:29:04,500 --> 00:29:08,000
Oh. I love what you've done
with the place.
479
00:29:08,500 --> 00:29:11,208
Well, it's still,
you know, it's pretty much temporary.
480
00:29:11,291 --> 00:29:15,791
My apartment is still under renovation.
It sustained a little smoke damage, so…
481
00:29:17,708 --> 00:29:19,250
Well, good night.
482
00:29:19,333 --> 00:29:22,750
- Just make yourself comfortable.
- Uh. No.
483
00:29:23,250 --> 00:29:25,416
You, on the floor. Now.
484
00:29:26,750 --> 00:29:29,833
This is the only Tempur-Pedic
in the house, and I have a bad back.
485
00:29:29,916 --> 00:29:34,666
I don't care if this bed is the only thing
keeping you from complete paralysis.
486
00:29:34,750 --> 00:29:35,833
We ain't sharing.
487
00:29:35,916 --> 00:29:38,958
- What if we put pillows in the middle?
- No.
488
00:29:39,041 --> 00:29:42,666
- Okay. What if we do like head to toe?
- Mm. It's always gonna be no. So, yeah.
489
00:29:45,166 --> 00:29:48,333
We should probably address
the, uh, catfish in the room.
490
00:29:48,416 --> 00:29:51,041
You do realize that at some point,
you were going to have to meet me.
491
00:29:51,541 --> 00:29:56,541
Well, I didn't set out to catfish you.
It just kind of happened.
492
00:29:56,625 --> 00:29:57,875
It kind of happened?
493
00:29:58,500 --> 00:30:01,750
I had my profile up for a year,
and guess how many matches I got.
494
00:30:02,625 --> 00:30:03,458
Three.
495
00:30:03,541 --> 00:30:06,333
And one of them
was my old English teacher.
496
00:30:06,416 --> 00:30:08,833
She's 70 now, and she has a pacemaker.
497
00:30:08,916 --> 00:30:11,541
Having sex with her
would literally kill her.
498
00:30:12,708 --> 00:30:14,083
So just as an experiment,
499
00:30:14,166 --> 00:30:17,625
I thought I could use a picture
of a standard hot guy
500
00:30:17,708 --> 00:30:21,000
and see what would happen.
I got 85 matches in five minutes.
501
00:30:21,083 --> 00:30:23,083
So, apparently, there's plenty
of girls out there.
502
00:30:23,166 --> 00:30:24,458
They just didn't want to date me.
503
00:30:24,541 --> 00:30:27,541
Are you seriously
looking for sympathy right now?
504
00:30:27,625 --> 00:30:30,208
There are no words for what you did.
505
00:30:30,291 --> 00:30:31,875
- Well, I would...
- No words!
506
00:30:32,791 --> 00:30:35,208
But a deal's a deal.
So let's just move on.
507
00:30:46,375 --> 00:30:47,250
Okay.
508
00:30:51,625 --> 00:30:53,583
And you had
to write the words on your hand.
509
00:30:53,666 --> 00:30:55,583
He keeps taking his glove off.
510
00:30:55,666 --> 00:30:56,833
His hands are freezing.
511
00:30:56,916 --> 00:30:59,791
I… I… I thought your finger
was gonna fall off, Dad, for sure!
512
00:30:59,875 --> 00:31:01,208
- Natalie!
- Oh.
513
00:31:01,291 --> 00:31:05,125
Come on in, come on.
Join us for breakfast. We just sat down.
514
00:31:05,208 --> 00:31:08,625
Um, I actually should probably go shower.
515
00:31:08,708 --> 00:31:11,250
Oh, I'm sure you look
absolutely beautiful.
516
00:31:11,333 --> 00:31:13,666
But full disclosure, I can't see shit.
517
00:31:14,791 --> 00:31:16,041
Please, sit.
518
00:31:16,625 --> 00:31:18,916
Wow, this all looks so delicious.
519
00:31:19,000 --> 00:31:21,125
Oh, please, help yourself to anything.
520
00:31:21,208 --> 00:31:22,375
Oh, bacon?
521
00:31:22,458 --> 00:31:24,541
- Oh, she's a vegetarian.
- I'm a vegetarian.
522
00:31:25,291 --> 00:31:26,666
But thank you, Mr. Lin.
523
00:31:26,750 --> 00:31:29,333
So where did you lovebirds
rush off to last night?
524
00:31:29,416 --> 00:31:32,208
- Oh, we went to McGregor's for karaoke.
- Mm-hmm.
525
00:31:32,291 --> 00:31:33,583
Oh, how was that?
526
00:31:33,666 --> 00:31:35,416
- Oh.
- It was, uh…
527
00:31:36,541 --> 00:31:38,458
Swell? Right, Natalie?
528
00:31:39,208 --> 00:31:42,291
Well, I want to hear
all about how you two met.
529
00:31:42,375 --> 00:31:44,583
Oh, it's just an online dating app.
530
00:31:44,666 --> 00:31:46,166
Not much to it.
531
00:31:46,250 --> 00:31:47,541
Just text, text, send.
532
00:31:47,625 --> 00:31:49,291
Next thing you know,
she's right next to me.
533
00:31:49,375 --> 00:31:51,250
Here I am.
534
00:31:51,750 --> 00:31:52,958
What nonsense.
535
00:31:53,041 --> 00:31:56,208
People used to fall in and out of love
based solely upon the written word.
536
00:31:56,291 --> 00:31:59,125
The pen is mightier than the penis.
537
00:31:59,208 --> 00:32:00,875
Grandma, let's... We have company.
538
00:32:00,958 --> 00:32:02,916
Let's eat our eggs before they get cold.
539
00:32:03,000 --> 00:32:05,750
So, Natalie, what was it about Josh
that first caught your eye?
540
00:32:06,916 --> 00:32:08,250
Gee, I mean, um…
541
00:32:08,958 --> 00:32:10,291
I don't even know where to start.
542
00:32:10,375 --> 00:32:14,125
There was just so many
unbelievable things in his profile.
543
00:32:14,625 --> 00:32:19,083
His photos. I took one look at that hair,
that unique physique.
544
00:32:19,166 --> 00:32:21,833
Uh, I mean, that jawline.
545
00:32:21,916 --> 00:32:24,375
I thought to myself,
"It's too good to be true."
546
00:32:24,458 --> 00:32:25,416
Oh no, it's true.
547
00:32:25,500 --> 00:32:27,541
He's gotten more chiseled
in the last couple of years.
548
00:32:27,625 --> 00:32:31,166
Oh, but it wasn't just the photos
that ensnared me.
549
00:32:31,250 --> 00:32:33,875
His bio. He's passionate about life,
550
00:32:33,958 --> 00:32:35,708
loves all things outdoors.
551
00:32:35,791 --> 00:32:38,500
Oh hey. He mentioned the store.
552
00:32:38,583 --> 00:32:41,708
My father started it
50 years ago.
553
00:32:41,791 --> 00:32:44,375
I run it now,
but Josh is one of the salesmen.
554
00:32:44,458 --> 00:32:48,125
- We don't have to talk shop at breakfast.
- Oh, but it's so fascinating.
555
00:32:48,208 --> 00:32:50,500
And all the travel that it must involve.
556
00:32:50,583 --> 00:32:53,083
Well, if you count
lunch runs to Applebee's,
557
00:32:53,166 --> 00:32:54,750
then Josh travels every day.
558
00:32:57,458 --> 00:32:58,583
Applebee's!
559
00:32:59,916 --> 00:33:01,041
Applebee's!
560
00:33:01,125 --> 00:33:02,333
Applebee's.
561
00:33:02,416 --> 00:33:05,500
You know, I've been thinking about joining
one of those dating sites.
562
00:33:05,583 --> 00:33:06,875
My friend Darlene
563
00:33:06,958 --> 00:33:10,333
down at Shimmering Pines,
she joined one called Gray Play,
564
00:33:10,416 --> 00:33:13,916
and she has seen more ass
than a church pew.
565
00:33:14,000 --> 00:33:16,041
- Okay, June! Seriously.
- Mom.
566
00:33:16,125 --> 00:33:17,416
Let's just…
567
00:33:17,500 --> 00:33:20,500
I could use your expertise
in setting up my profile.
568
00:33:20,583 --> 00:33:21,833
- Oh. Um…
- Yeah.
569
00:33:21,916 --> 00:33:22,750
- Okay.
- Sure.
570
00:33:22,833 --> 00:33:26,166
May I see yours?
And can you show me Josh's?
571
00:33:27,333 --> 00:33:29,791
- I didn't bring my phone. It's downstairs.
- Maybe later, Grams.
572
00:33:29,875 --> 00:33:31,750
Yeah. Natalie and I have to head out.
573
00:33:31,833 --> 00:33:35,208
Uh, I'm gonna show her a grand tour
of Lake Placid and the store.
574
00:33:35,291 --> 00:33:37,916
- Oh. That's a great idea. Fun.
- Mm-hmm. Yeah.
575
00:33:38,000 --> 00:33:39,833
- Take your toast.
- Drive carefully.
576
00:33:39,916 --> 00:33:41,000
Oh. Yeah.
577
00:33:41,708 --> 00:33:43,250
- Mmm. So good!
- She loves her toast!
578
00:33:50,958 --> 00:33:53,083
Okay. The first thing
you need to know about Tag
579
00:33:53,166 --> 00:33:55,250
is he likes outdoorsy, adventurous women.
580
00:33:55,333 --> 00:33:58,125
Not Instagram models who count carbs.
581
00:33:58,208 --> 00:33:59,416
I don't count carbs.
582
00:33:59,500 --> 00:34:00,500
I monitor them.
583
00:34:00,583 --> 00:34:04,041
Sure. Whatever you say.
So, uh, what size are you?
584
00:34:04,125 --> 00:34:07,375
None of your business. Besides,
what's wrong with what I'm wearing?
585
00:34:07,458 --> 00:34:09,416
You wanna look relaxed,
like you don't care.
586
00:34:09,500 --> 00:34:13,208
So go put these on
because Tag is gonna be here any minute.
587
00:34:13,291 --> 00:34:14,125
What?
588
00:34:14,208 --> 00:34:16,833
Yeah, he's got an order come in.
I told him to swing by at 11:00.
589
00:34:16,916 --> 00:34:18,916
- Oh, also, take this.
- Uh.
590
00:34:19,833 --> 00:34:23,375
Walden? Are you kidding me?
Thoreau was an asshole.
591
00:34:23,458 --> 00:34:26,416
Pretend you like it
because that's Tag's favorite book.
592
00:34:26,500 --> 00:34:30,166
Also! When you're talking to him,
throw in some rock climbing lingo.
593
00:34:30,250 --> 00:34:31,625
He loves that shit.
594
00:34:41,583 --> 00:34:43,791
- What's up, Tag?
- Hey, buddy, how's it going?
595
00:34:43,875 --> 00:34:44,958
Hey, man.
596
00:34:45,041 --> 00:34:48,041
- Is that Tag? Captain America!
- How's it going?
597
00:34:51,541 --> 00:34:55,083
- Ooh! Solid as a rock!
- Thank you. It's good to see you, Mr. Lin.
598
00:34:55,166 --> 00:34:58,291
- I hear you got some carabiners for me?
- Sure do. They're in the back.
599
00:34:59,291 --> 00:35:02,041
- I want you to meet someone today.
- Oh? Okay.
600
00:35:02,125 --> 00:35:02,958
Yeah.
601
00:35:03,958 --> 00:35:06,708
- Nice stuff. Get some new duds in?
- Always.
602
00:35:07,625 --> 00:35:10,500
Tag, I want you to meet my cousin Natalie.
603
00:35:10,583 --> 00:35:13,875
And Natalie, I want you to meet
my old friend Tag.
604
00:35:16,166 --> 00:35:17,375
You two are cousins?
605
00:35:18,708 --> 00:35:20,875
Yeah. Uh. We… Well...
606
00:35:20,958 --> 00:35:24,583
From my stepmom's side, so that would
technically make us step-cousins.
607
00:35:24,666 --> 00:35:25,500
Oh.
608
00:35:25,583 --> 00:35:29,291
A distinction that only really matters
if you're from Alabama.
609
00:35:32,041 --> 00:35:33,541
She's such a joker.
610
00:35:35,416 --> 00:35:36,250
Yeah.
611
00:35:37,708 --> 00:35:38,541
Walden?
612
00:35:39,291 --> 00:35:40,166
Oh.
613
00:35:41,166 --> 00:35:43,666
That's my favorite book.
I reread it every year.
614
00:35:43,750 --> 00:35:45,625
- Really? Wow.
- Yeah.
615
00:35:45,708 --> 00:35:47,708
- No way!
- Yeah.
616
00:35:47,791 --> 00:35:49,000
Isn't Thoreau the best?
617
00:35:50,166 --> 00:35:53,458
Well, some people find him
a self-obsessed narcissist,
618
00:35:53,541 --> 00:35:56,666
fanatical about self-control,
not to mention a total hypocrite,
619
00:35:56,750 --> 00:35:59,750
but personally, I find him so inspiring.
620
00:36:02,083 --> 00:36:04,708
"Rather than love, than money,
621
00:36:04,791 --> 00:36:06,375
than fame,
622
00:36:07,125 --> 00:36:08,250
give me truth."
623
00:36:10,625 --> 00:36:14,791
I'm sorry. It gets me every time.
624
00:36:16,333 --> 00:36:18,458
If anyone gets it, it's me.
625
00:36:18,541 --> 00:36:19,500
God.
626
00:36:20,250 --> 00:36:21,791
Have we met before?
627
00:36:21,875 --> 00:36:25,666
Because you look so familiar.
I… I just can't put my finger on it.
628
00:36:25,750 --> 00:36:28,875
Unlikely. Natalie just flew in
from California this morning.
629
00:36:28,958 --> 00:36:29,791
This morning.
630
00:36:29,875 --> 00:36:32,875
I actually teach a survival course
in Yosemite every summer.
631
00:36:32,958 --> 00:36:34,916
Savage!
632
00:36:35,666 --> 00:36:38,375
- I guess you could say that, yeah.
- I love Yosemite.
633
00:36:38,458 --> 00:36:43,375
It's, uh, I mean, there's some gnar...
Like, gnarly climbing there.
634
00:36:43,458 --> 00:36:44,500
You climb?
635
00:36:45,166 --> 00:36:49,250
Me? Do I climb?
I'll climb anything that moves.
636
00:36:51,791 --> 00:36:53,166
I'm an aggro.
637
00:36:53,250 --> 00:36:56,791
- Aggro?
- Yeah, like aggressive. Aggro.
638
00:36:56,875 --> 00:37:00,750
An aggressive climber.
I climb all kinds of things like
639
00:37:01,375 --> 00:37:05,791
ladders, um, houses, um, trees,
640
00:37:05,875 --> 00:37:06,958
ladders…
641
00:37:08,666 --> 00:37:10,000
Mostly ladders.
642
00:37:10,083 --> 00:37:10,916
That's cool.
643
00:37:11,000 --> 00:37:13,875
Um, a few of us are climbing
at Rock Ventures tomorrow.
644
00:37:13,958 --> 00:37:14,791
Wanna join?
645
00:37:14,875 --> 00:37:16,958
Hell yeah! Let's do it.
646
00:37:17,041 --> 00:37:17,875
- Great.
- Mm-hmm.
647
00:37:17,958 --> 00:37:19,625
- 10:00 a.m.?
- Perfect.
648
00:37:19,708 --> 00:37:22,333
Um. Well, hey, it was nice
to meet you, Natalie.
649
00:37:22,416 --> 00:37:24,583
- I'll see you guys at 10:00 a.m.
- See you, bro.
650
00:37:25,166 --> 00:37:26,958
Climb you later!
651
00:37:29,333 --> 00:37:30,250
Savage?
652
00:37:30,333 --> 00:37:31,708
Gnarly?
653
00:37:31,791 --> 00:37:33,125
Aggro?
654
00:37:33,208 --> 00:37:35,166
You're the one who told me
to look up the lingo!
655
00:37:35,250 --> 00:37:37,541
Yeah. Real words like
"rappel" and "harness."
656
00:37:37,625 --> 00:37:39,333
You sound like
you got Millennial Tourette's!
657
00:37:39,416 --> 00:37:42,166
Well, you know what?
We've got bigger problems.
658
00:37:42,250 --> 00:37:46,416
I once broke my toe climbing out of bed.
How am I gonna climb a wall?
659
00:37:46,500 --> 00:37:50,125
I can teach you right here.
I mean, how bad could you possibly be?
660
00:37:51,833 --> 00:37:54,125
- All right. Come down!
- I can't hold on!
661
00:37:54,208 --> 00:37:57,083
Here. Here. Come on.
662
00:37:57,166 --> 00:37:59,708
Sweet baby Jesus.
663
00:38:00,250 --> 00:38:06,958
The key is to not focus on the wall,
but to focus on your first move.
664
00:38:07,041 --> 00:38:08,000
Here, look at this.
665
00:38:08,083 --> 00:38:11,166
And then, your second. Okay?
666
00:38:11,250 --> 00:38:13,208
Onto your third.
667
00:38:13,791 --> 00:38:18,083
See, great things are done by a series
of small things brought together.
668
00:38:19,708 --> 00:38:20,833
- Hmm?
- Whew.
669
00:38:20,916 --> 00:38:22,666
That's actually very insightful.
670
00:38:22,750 --> 00:38:25,875
Van Gogh.
Feel free to use it on Tag sometime.
671
00:38:25,958 --> 00:38:27,041
Any questions?
672
00:38:27,125 --> 00:38:28,791
What was he like in high school?
673
00:38:28,875 --> 00:38:30,208
Exactly what you'd expect.
674
00:38:30,291 --> 00:38:34,083
Class president, prom king,
star of the football team.
675
00:38:34,666 --> 00:38:36,458
Why did you stop being friends?
676
00:38:36,541 --> 00:38:38,666
Because he got popular.
677
00:38:39,500 --> 00:38:40,583
And you?
678
00:38:41,208 --> 00:38:42,083
Didn't.
679
00:38:46,208 --> 00:38:47,958
Go ahead, come on.
680
00:38:49,791 --> 00:38:51,708
Full disclosure,
681
00:38:52,708 --> 00:38:54,916
I was kind of a late bloomer too.
682
00:38:55,000 --> 00:38:56,791
I find that very hard to believe.
683
00:38:57,458 --> 00:39:00,541
Yeah, well,
If it wasn't for Invisalign and Accutane,
684
00:39:00,625 --> 00:39:02,791
you would not have swiped on me.
685
00:39:02,875 --> 00:39:06,458
Well, if it wasn't for Tag's photos,
you wouldn't have swiped on me.
686
00:39:06,541 --> 00:39:08,833
How am I doing so far?
687
00:39:08,916 --> 00:39:10,666
- You're actually doing great.
- Yeah?
688
00:39:10,750 --> 00:39:11,916
Yeah.
689
00:39:13,375 --> 00:39:15,916
- Do you have a hamper?
- It's over by the closet.
690
00:39:25,416 --> 00:39:27,875
Is this how you boil your victims?
691
00:39:27,958 --> 00:39:31,166
Careful! Careful! Careful!
That's a wax warmer for candle-making.
692
00:39:31,250 --> 00:39:32,750
It's very expensive.
693
00:39:32,833 --> 00:39:33,750
Okay.
694
00:39:34,416 --> 00:39:36,625
Grandma June makes candles?
695
00:39:36,708 --> 00:39:38,458
Yes, it's one of her hobbies.
696
00:39:40,083 --> 00:39:41,625
Josh Lin?
697
00:39:41,708 --> 00:39:43,333
All right, fine, they're mine.
698
00:39:43,416 --> 00:39:47,125
Guys can do things
besides hunt and pay for everything, okay?
699
00:39:47,208 --> 00:39:50,458
Plus, I see this more
as a business than a hobby.
700
00:39:51,041 --> 00:39:52,625
- All right.
- Wait, hey, hey, whoa, whoa!
701
00:39:52,708 --> 00:39:54,875
- Let's see what you got.
- Come on!
702
00:39:54,958 --> 00:39:55,916
Okay.
703
00:39:58,500 --> 00:39:59,333
Oh.
704
00:39:59,416 --> 00:40:02,458
You see, candles
are solely marketed to women.
705
00:40:02,541 --> 00:40:05,000
They all smell like flowers and candy
706
00:40:05,083 --> 00:40:08,833
with names like "Sweet Caresses"
or "Shooting Star."
707
00:40:08,916 --> 00:40:11,333
No self-respecting man's gonna buy those,
708
00:40:11,416 --> 00:40:13,958
even if his apartment
smells like bong water.
709
00:40:14,041 --> 00:40:18,916
So, I created my own line
of masculine candles
710
00:40:19,000 --> 00:40:21,250
that captures the essence of a dude.
711
00:40:21,333 --> 00:40:24,416
Yeah, I don't see "Compulsive Liar,"
712
00:40:24,500 --> 00:40:27,208
"Left The Toilet Seat Up,"
or "Won't Ask For Directions" in here.
713
00:40:27,291 --> 00:40:29,000
Make all the jokes you want,
714
00:40:29,083 --> 00:40:32,375
but 50 percent of the US candle market
is underserved.
715
00:40:32,458 --> 00:40:34,250
So, then why don't you serve them?
716
00:40:34,333 --> 00:40:36,041
Because a business costs money.
717
00:40:36,125 --> 00:40:39,250
Then ask your dad for a loan.
I feel like he's the target customer.
718
00:40:39,333 --> 00:40:40,625
- Have you met him?
- Yeah.
719
00:40:40,708 --> 00:40:42,833
- The old Asian man upstairs?
- Oh yeah.
720
00:40:42,916 --> 00:40:46,083
He's only interested in sporty,
manly things.
721
00:40:46,166 --> 00:40:50,125
Plus, he and my brother
would just tease me about it.
722
00:40:50,875 --> 00:40:53,791
- You have a brother?
- Prodigal son has returned!
723
00:40:54,291 --> 00:40:56,500
Christmas may now commence!
724
00:40:56,583 --> 00:40:58,666
Speak of the devil.
725
00:40:58,750 --> 00:41:02,125
Owen's here! Now it's Christmas!
726
00:41:02,208 --> 00:41:04,125
Is that my baby?
727
00:41:05,166 --> 00:41:07,458
- Owen!
- Mom! Mm!
728
00:41:07,541 --> 00:41:09,541
- Hi, Chelsea!
- Merry Christmas, honey.
729
00:41:09,625 --> 00:41:11,458
Merry Christmas. Look at what I got you.
730
00:41:12,041 --> 00:41:14,750
- It's so good to see you!
- Honey! Wow!
731
00:41:14,833 --> 00:41:16,833
- Wow! Look at you!
- Merry Christmas!
732
00:41:16,916 --> 00:41:19,791
You've been lifting those weights
I bought you. Huh? Yeah!
733
00:41:19,875 --> 00:41:23,291
- You've been so busy with the new house!
- Okay. Game face.
734
00:41:28,458 --> 00:41:29,958
Hey, Joshy!
735
00:41:30,041 --> 00:41:32,000
- What's going on, bro?
- What's up, Owen?
736
00:41:32,083 --> 00:41:34,541
Merry Christmas, man.
737
00:41:34,625 --> 00:41:36,375
Wow!
738
00:41:36,458 --> 00:41:38,875
Oh, and, uh, who do we have here?
739
00:41:39,583 --> 00:41:42,125
Oh, this is Natalie.
740
00:41:42,958 --> 00:41:44,708
Oh, is she Grandma's new nurse?
741
00:41:45,291 --> 00:41:48,041
- No.
- Ah! She must be in Mom's new book club.
742
00:41:48,125 --> 00:41:50,916
- No, she is...
- Oh shit. Shit. Uh…
743
00:41:51,666 --> 00:41:53,125
Is this another intervention?
744
00:41:53,208 --> 00:41:56,750
No, honey.
Natalie is your brother's girlfriend.
745
00:42:01,291 --> 00:42:03,041
Oh, you're… you're… you're serious.
746
00:42:03,125 --> 00:42:04,083
Really?
747
00:42:04,166 --> 00:42:05,791
- Really.
- Mm-hmm.
748
00:42:05,875 --> 00:42:10,125
Oh! Well, that is awesome.
749
00:42:10,916 --> 00:42:13,750
Yeah, we... You know,
we were just saying in the car, right?
750
00:42:13,833 --> 00:42:16,708
- We were just talking about it.
- We talked about this for hours.
751
00:42:16,791 --> 00:42:19,625
- Yeah. Yeah.
- How is Joshy still single?
752
00:42:19,708 --> 00:42:21,833
Yeah, I mean, granted,
he still lives at home,
753
00:42:21,916 --> 00:42:24,333
and the glasses
aren't doing him any favors.
754
00:42:24,416 --> 00:42:25,583
No, they're not.
755
00:42:25,666 --> 00:42:28,583
- I am so pumped about this. Aren't you?
- I'm so pumped.
756
00:42:28,666 --> 00:42:30,916
Oh, we... This is a Christmas miracle.
757
00:42:31,750 --> 00:42:33,791
Thank you so much, Natasha.
758
00:42:35,583 --> 00:42:39,250
You know what?
The pleasure's all mine, Oren.
759
00:42:48,250 --> 00:42:50,166
- Yeah, I made this!
- Yeah.
760
00:42:50,250 --> 00:42:52,083
It's still in good condition.
761
00:42:55,500 --> 00:42:58,750
Speaking of stocks,
uh, the market has been crazy this year.
762
00:42:58,833 --> 00:42:59,833
- So crazy.
- Yeah.
763
00:42:59,916 --> 00:43:01,750
A lot of guys bet big on China Tire.
764
00:43:01,833 --> 00:43:04,375
They lost everything
except their virginity.
765
00:43:04,458 --> 00:43:06,041
Hey!
766
00:43:06,125 --> 00:43:09,125
Oh my God.
767
00:43:09,208 --> 00:43:12,833
- Look at this. Look at this.
- Oh, look at my little guy.
768
00:43:12,916 --> 00:43:14,750
- Look at junior jumbo Josh.
- Oh no.
769
00:43:14,833 --> 00:43:17,000
- We don't have to...
- Yes! You remember this one?
770
00:43:17,083 --> 00:43:19,500
That is my favorite ornament of all time.
771
00:43:20,083 --> 00:43:23,958
God, you were such a cutie, Josh.
Look at that rat tail. Do you see that?
772
00:43:24,041 --> 00:43:25,416
He was such a cutie!
773
00:43:25,500 --> 00:43:29,041
- Those chubby little cheekies!
- He was eight.
774
00:43:29,125 --> 00:43:32,958
You know, I'm actually super grateful
for my awkward teenage years.
775
00:43:33,041 --> 00:43:35,958
They helped me develop
resilience, empathy.
776
00:43:36,041 --> 00:43:38,750
If it wasn't for that, I'd be,
I don't know, uh,
777
00:43:38,833 --> 00:43:42,291
an insensitive,
attention-seeking jerk?
778
00:43:45,791 --> 00:43:46,875
Former chubster, huh?
779
00:43:49,500 --> 00:43:51,041
Tsk. Aw!
780
00:43:52,416 --> 00:43:53,541
Mm!
781
00:43:55,125 --> 00:43:56,833
- Where does this one go?
- Oh!
782
00:43:56,916 --> 00:44:00,250
That one goes on top of the… the tree.
783
00:44:00,333 --> 00:44:01,750
Um.
784
00:44:02,291 --> 00:44:03,458
I put it up every year.
785
00:44:03,541 --> 00:44:05,833
It's, like, a tradition sort of thing.
It's no big deal.
786
00:44:05,916 --> 00:44:09,083
Actually, I was thinking maybe
Natalie could put it up this year
787
00:44:09,166 --> 00:44:12,500
since it's her first time here,
and she's our guest and all.
788
00:44:12,583 --> 00:44:14,708
Uh, yeah, well, sure. Sure.
789
00:44:20,625 --> 00:44:21,916
- Thanks.
- Yeah.
790
00:44:23,041 --> 00:44:25,500
- I think she cut me.
- It's okay, baby. I think she did too.
791
00:44:25,583 --> 00:44:27,541
- Hold on to her tight, Josh.
- Oh, I got her.
792
00:44:27,625 --> 00:44:29,541
- Careful.
- Just right on top there.
793
00:44:29,625 --> 00:44:31,583
- I'm gonna help her.
- It's okay. Focus on...
794
00:44:31,666 --> 00:44:34,083
- I got it. Oh, look at that.
- Perfect!
795
00:44:34,166 --> 00:44:36,041
- It's so crooked.
- It's very crooked.
796
00:44:36,125 --> 00:44:37,541
- Here we go.
- Light her up.
797
00:44:37,625 --> 00:44:39,083
I'll come back and fix it.
798
00:44:39,791 --> 00:44:42,208
- Whoo!
- Merry Christmas!
799
00:44:42,291 --> 00:44:43,458
Merry Christmas.
800
00:44:43,541 --> 00:44:44,500
Great!
801
00:44:45,458 --> 00:44:48,125
Everyone did a great job
on it this year.
802
00:44:48,208 --> 00:44:49,583
Except for the star.
803
00:44:49,666 --> 00:44:51,416
- Well, especially Natalie.
- Yeah.
804
00:44:56,291 --> 00:44:59,541
Owen really likes
being the center of attention, huh?
805
00:44:59,625 --> 00:45:03,250
Likes to be? He has to be. He's a Pisces.
806
00:45:04,166 --> 00:45:07,875
The next time he tries to steal
the spotlight, steal it back.
807
00:45:08,458 --> 00:45:11,541
- Easier said than done.
- No, I'm serious. Steal it back.
808
00:45:13,541 --> 00:45:16,583
All right. Come on.
We gotta go. Don't want to be late.
809
00:45:16,666 --> 00:45:18,375
Tag is fanatically punctual.
810
00:45:18,458 --> 00:45:22,291
So, is the, uh, wall that we're climbing
like the one we climbed at your store?
811
00:45:22,791 --> 00:45:24,416
- Yeah. Pretty much.
- Okay.
812
00:45:29,625 --> 00:45:31,916
Natalie! You coming or what?
813
00:45:32,000 --> 00:45:34,583
Yup. Definitely. Be right there.
814
00:45:35,166 --> 00:45:38,916
- You didn't tell me he was Tom Cruise.
- Oh, I thought you were an aggro.
815
00:45:39,000 --> 00:45:39,916
I can't do this.
816
00:45:40,000 --> 00:45:41,583
- Yes, you can.
- Get this off me.
817
00:45:41,666 --> 00:45:43,208
- Get this off.
- Don't undo that, come on.
818
00:45:43,291 --> 00:45:46,416
- Off! Off! Off! Off! Get this off me. No!
- Just stop. Stop.
819
00:45:46,500 --> 00:45:49,041
Stop. You got this, okay?
820
00:45:49,125 --> 00:45:50,041
Here, look.
821
00:45:51,375 --> 00:45:52,250
Put these in.
822
00:45:52,333 --> 00:45:53,416
What? Why?
823
00:45:54,000 --> 00:45:56,541
It'll help you relax.
And it's your favorite song.
824
00:45:57,291 --> 00:45:59,708
It's gonna help me relax.
Gonna help me relax.
825
00:45:59,791 --> 00:46:02,125
Yeah, it's gonna help me rel... Oh.
826
00:46:04,750 --> 00:46:07,375
Remember, one move at a time.
827
00:46:07,458 --> 00:46:10,583
- What?
- One move at a time!
828
00:46:10,666 --> 00:46:14,208
Thanks, Joshy-poo.
Not my first climb, though, man.
829
00:46:14,291 --> 00:46:15,625
We know, bro!
830
00:46:24,416 --> 00:46:26,541
Go get him!
831
00:46:35,875 --> 00:46:40,125
Oh.
832
00:46:44,625 --> 00:46:48,166
Okay.
833
00:46:48,250 --> 00:46:50,916
Yeah, snap!
Hug those jugs!
834
00:46:51,000 --> 00:46:52,666
Natalie, kill it! Whoo!
835
00:47:03,083 --> 00:47:06,791
Hah!
836
00:47:06,875 --> 00:47:09,916
Whoo!
837
00:47:10,000 --> 00:47:12,125
Yes!
838
00:47:12,208 --> 00:47:15,708
I thought you guys said
this was hard…
839
00:47:15,791 --> 00:47:18,000
Not bad. Come on down.
840
00:47:19,083 --> 00:47:21,125
Um…
841
00:47:21,208 --> 00:47:22,333
Actually, I think, um…
842
00:47:23,250 --> 00:47:26,250
I'm gonna stay up here
and enjoy the view for a little while.
843
00:47:29,166 --> 00:47:30,083
My turn.
844
00:47:30,166 --> 00:47:31,750
Natalie, what're you doing?
845
00:47:31,833 --> 00:47:33,875
- Go get it.
- Watch, you might learn something.
846
00:47:33,958 --> 00:47:34,791
Okay, Joshy.
847
00:47:34,875 --> 00:47:36,375
- Go hard.
- Get it, Joshy!
848
00:47:36,458 --> 00:47:37,583
I see you.
849
00:47:40,583 --> 00:47:42,458
All right, Josh.
850
00:47:45,291 --> 00:47:47,708
Hey. What are you doing?
851
00:47:47,791 --> 00:47:50,625
- The hard part is over. Just rappel down.
- Uh-uh.
852
00:47:50,708 --> 00:47:52,958
You got through the tough part.
It's nothing.
853
00:47:53,041 --> 00:47:56,375
Oh God, this is how I die. I'm gonna die.
This is… this is it. This is it for me.
854
00:47:56,458 --> 00:47:59,458
Okay. Okay. I think I actually know
a trick to get you down,
855
00:47:59,541 --> 00:48:00,583
but you gotta trust me.
856
00:48:00,666 --> 00:48:02,166
Trust the guy who catfished me?
857
00:48:02,250 --> 00:48:04,958
No, trust the guy who got you up here
in the first place.
858
00:48:05,041 --> 00:48:08,250
Look, I know you're scared,
but you've got this.
859
00:48:08,333 --> 00:48:09,750
And I've got you.
860
00:48:10,250 --> 00:48:12,500
Okay? I promise.
861
00:48:15,041 --> 00:48:16,000
Come on.
862
00:48:17,541 --> 00:48:19,416
Breathe. Breathe.
863
00:48:20,750 --> 00:48:23,750
That was so awesome.
You got all the way up here by yourself.
864
00:48:25,708 --> 00:48:29,125
Good. Okay. Stand up.
865
00:48:30,375 --> 00:48:31,541
Okay, great.
866
00:48:34,333 --> 00:48:35,375
Oh my God.
867
00:48:35,458 --> 00:48:38,125
It's okay. It's okay. It's okay.
Don't look backwards.
868
00:48:38,208 --> 00:48:39,708
Okay.
869
00:48:39,791 --> 00:48:42,125
- I can't do this, Josh. I can't do this.
- Yes, you can.
870
00:48:42,208 --> 00:48:45,458
Slowly walk backwards
towards the edge of the wall.
871
00:48:45,541 --> 00:48:49,458
- What? No. No, Josh.
- Yeah. Come on. You're doing great.
872
00:48:49,541 --> 00:48:51,291
I don't like this.
873
00:48:51,375 --> 00:48:52,958
- Oh God!
- It's okay. It's okay.
874
00:48:54,000 --> 00:48:56,000
Now, close your eyes.
875
00:48:57,875 --> 00:48:59,250
Take a deep breath.
876
00:49:01,333 --> 00:49:04,250
And release.
877
00:49:04,875 --> 00:49:05,958
Oh!
878
00:49:11,500 --> 00:49:12,583
Whoa!
879
00:49:12,666 --> 00:49:16,041
Did you just jump?
You really stuck the landing.
880
00:49:17,541 --> 00:49:19,500
What, that?
881
00:49:19,583 --> 00:49:21,708
Yeah, you should see me
on a real mountain.
882
00:49:21,791 --> 00:49:23,416
- Well, I'd like that.
- Mm.
883
00:49:24,375 --> 00:49:27,833
If you're not busy tomorrow morning,
come meet me at Corbin Glen Park.
884
00:49:27,916 --> 00:49:30,875
9:00 a.m.? And wear something comfortable.
885
00:49:31,458 --> 00:49:32,375
It's a date.
886
00:49:32,458 --> 00:49:33,291
All right.
887
00:49:40,875 --> 00:49:42,666
Lin family, let's go!
888
00:49:45,625 --> 00:49:49,000
Owen seems psychotically into this.
889
00:49:54,791 --> 00:49:57,875
- You have no idea.
- Proud voices! Loud voices! Come on!
890
00:50:15,875 --> 00:50:17,916
- Did he just…?
- Yup.
891
00:50:19,583 --> 00:50:21,625
You're off-key, Dad.
892
00:50:22,958 --> 00:50:24,208
How much is too much?
893
00:50:26,083 --> 00:50:27,833
Other side, baby. It's your mark.
894
00:50:37,250 --> 00:50:39,375
Quick finish, Grandma,
don't mess it up!
895
00:50:42,791 --> 00:50:43,916
Jesus!
896
00:50:45,958 --> 00:50:49,958
Back by popular demand.
Lin family carolers!
897
00:50:50,041 --> 00:50:53,125
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Do we have any more requests?
898
00:50:53,208 --> 00:50:56,250
- "Baby, It's Cold Outside"!
- Yes!
899
00:50:56,333 --> 00:50:59,666
I think we can make that happen.
Who wants to take the duet?
900
00:50:59,750 --> 00:51:01,541
Big mystery there, Bob.
901
00:51:04,458 --> 00:51:06,500
Natalie and I got this one, Dad.
902
00:51:06,583 --> 00:51:07,750
Huh?
903
00:51:07,833 --> 00:51:09,541
- Wait, what?
- Yup.
904
00:51:09,625 --> 00:51:12,875
Uh.
905
00:51:12,958 --> 00:51:16,208
Over my cold, dead, lifeless body.
I'm not singing that.
906
00:51:16,291 --> 00:51:18,541
That is, like,
the sexual assault theme song.
907
00:51:19,083 --> 00:51:21,666
Hey, bro, why don't you let me
and Chels take this?
908
00:51:21,750 --> 00:51:23,583
- Yeah.
- Don't think she knows the lyrics.
909
00:51:23,666 --> 00:51:26,291
- I do know them. I just don't...
- She knows the lyrics.
910
00:51:26,375 --> 00:51:27,416
We're good.
911
00:51:27,500 --> 00:51:29,583
Josh, I...
912
00:51:29,666 --> 00:51:31,875
- This is what we're gonna do.
- No!
913
00:51:31,958 --> 00:51:33,291
You just do your part.
914
00:51:33,375 --> 00:51:37,708
I will change my lyrics
so the song doesn't sound so, uh, rape-y.
915
00:51:38,416 --> 00:51:41,250
Fine, let's just get this over with.
916
00:51:41,333 --> 00:51:43,291
Dad? Hit it.
917
00:51:48,958 --> 00:51:50,250
I'm okay. Okay.
918
00:52:00,958 --> 00:52:05,541
Totally consensual.
919
00:52:44,041 --> 00:52:47,541
To take a hint?
920
00:53:19,833 --> 00:53:23,166
- Aw! What a duet! Terrific!
- What a beautiful voice, Natalie!
921
00:53:23,250 --> 00:53:25,708
- Oh no. No, I don't.
- It was wonderful!
922
00:53:25,791 --> 00:53:28,000
Okay, okay.
I think… I think we should tell them.
923
00:53:28,083 --> 00:53:30,666
- It's time to tell them. Let's tell them.
- I think it's time. Okay.
924
00:53:30,750 --> 00:53:33,458
- Can I have your attention? Please?
- So clever...
925
00:53:34,916 --> 00:53:39,500
Uh. You know, we… we were gonna wait
to tell everyone the great news, but…
926
00:53:39,583 --> 00:53:43,500
after hearing all this singing
about babies,
927
00:53:43,583 --> 00:53:46,458
we just got so darn excited, and, uh,
928
00:53:46,541 --> 00:53:50,750
uh, we just couldn't
keep it to ourselves anymore. Um…
929
00:53:51,791 --> 00:53:53,250
Mom? Dad?
930
00:53:54,750 --> 00:53:57,333
- You're gonna be grandparents.
- We're pregnant.
931
00:53:58,041 --> 00:54:00,250
Oh wow!
932
00:54:00,333 --> 00:54:02,125
Oh, son!
933
00:54:02,208 --> 00:54:05,791
Oh, come here, come here.
Come on, come on, Grandma.
934
00:54:11,125 --> 00:54:14,541
- I'm so proud of you.
- We gotta come up with some names.
935
00:54:14,625 --> 00:54:15,625
Mom!
936
00:54:15,708 --> 00:54:17,375
This is gonna be so much fun.
937
00:54:17,458 --> 00:54:20,416
We're gonna do the bedroom,
we're gonna do the nursery room.
938
00:54:20,500 --> 00:54:22,958
Oh my...
939
00:54:23,041 --> 00:54:25,250
May I have everyone's attention, please?
940
00:54:25,333 --> 00:54:28,125
May I… may I have
everyone's attention, please?
941
00:54:29,125 --> 00:54:33,041
Owen and Chelsea,
I just wanna say congratulations.
942
00:54:33,541 --> 00:54:39,125
Seeing you guys so happy in love
and now pregnant.
943
00:54:39,208 --> 00:54:41,750
I mean, it's a… it's a dream come true.
944
00:54:42,333 --> 00:54:44,875
It's a dream
I never dared to have for myself.
945
00:54:44,958 --> 00:54:47,458
Finding someone
to spend the rest of my life with.
946
00:54:47,958 --> 00:54:50,291
It just didn't really seem
to be in the cards…
947
00:54:52,083 --> 00:54:53,291
Until I met Natalie.
948
00:54:53,791 --> 00:54:54,666
Hmm?
949
00:54:57,125 --> 00:54:58,375
Oh no.
950
00:54:59,375 --> 00:55:00,541
What are you doing?
951
00:55:01,583 --> 00:55:02,416
Get up.
952
00:55:02,500 --> 00:55:06,625
Natalie. I… I know we haven't known
each other for that long...
953
00:55:06,708 --> 00:55:08,291
No, we haven't. We really haven't.
954
00:55:08,375 --> 00:55:12,833
But you know what they say.
When you know, you know.
955
00:55:12,916 --> 00:55:16,625
I'm serious.
This is not funny.
956
00:55:17,416 --> 00:55:18,250
Natalie Bauer.
957
00:55:18,333 --> 00:55:19,833
Stop it. Get up.
958
00:55:19,916 --> 00:55:21,333
Will you marry me?
959
00:55:21,416 --> 00:55:22,541
Stop...
960
00:55:22,625 --> 00:55:24,041
He doesn't even have a ring.
961
00:55:24,125 --> 00:55:25,833
Yeah, you don't have a ring.
962
00:55:25,916 --> 00:55:29,333
Say yes.
Just say yes. Just say it.
963
00:55:29,916 --> 00:55:30,750
Jesus Christ.
964
00:55:30,833 --> 00:55:33,666
You can take mine.
I don't have to be buried with it.
965
00:55:33,750 --> 00:55:35,250
Oh, thank you, Grandma.
966
00:55:35,333 --> 00:55:37,125
You're the best!
967
00:55:38,541 --> 00:55:39,583
Natalie.
968
00:55:40,458 --> 00:55:41,375
Will you?
969
00:55:41,458 --> 00:55:43,625
Come on.
Everybody's looking at us.
970
00:55:43,708 --> 00:55:45,291
- Say yes!
- Yes! Yes!
971
00:55:46,916 --> 00:55:49,000
Everyone's looking.
Just say yes.
972
00:55:49,083 --> 00:55:51,166
We're not getting any younger, dear.
973
00:55:52,750 --> 00:55:53,583
Yes.
974
00:55:53,666 --> 00:55:55,041
She said yes!
975
00:55:55,125 --> 00:55:56,625
Oh my God!
976
00:55:58,625 --> 00:56:01,458
- Oh my God.
- Oh my goodness!
977
00:56:01,541 --> 00:56:03,083
Oh, it fits perfect!
978
00:56:03,166 --> 00:56:04,541
- Oh!
- Oh!
979
00:56:04,625 --> 00:56:09,041
You're making me the happiest boy...
We're the happiest family in town!
980
00:56:09,125 --> 00:56:11,833
- Welcome to the family, Natalie.
- Oh, thank you, Grandma.
981
00:56:11,916 --> 00:56:14,291
- Oh!
- It's crazy!
982
00:56:14,375 --> 00:56:17,125
I'm the happiest man in town.
Thank you. Thank you, everyone.
983
00:56:17,708 --> 00:56:20,291
Okay. I… I know you're mad,
984
00:56:20,375 --> 00:56:22,916
but you told me to stand up for myself,
and… and it worked!
985
00:56:23,000 --> 00:56:25,708
I told you to stand up,
not get down on one knee!
986
00:56:25,791 --> 00:56:27,833
This was not part of the plan.
987
00:56:27,916 --> 00:56:29,875
I'm… I'm sorry.
I got carried away in the moment.
988
00:56:29,958 --> 00:56:32,458
But if you think about it,
nothing's changed.
989
00:56:32,541 --> 00:56:34,166
Nothing's changed?
990
00:56:34,250 --> 00:56:35,958
Your grandma gave me her ring
991
00:56:36,041 --> 00:56:37,541
off of her finger!
992
00:56:37,625 --> 00:56:39,458
Still, we just gotta
make it through Christmas.
993
00:56:39,541 --> 00:56:42,166
When you get back to LA,
I just tell them we didn't work out.
994
00:56:42,250 --> 00:56:45,833
And then I look like the asshole?
Your family is gonna be crushed.
995
00:56:45,916 --> 00:56:48,500
Don't worry. They're very used
to me disappointing them.
996
00:56:48,583 --> 00:56:51,208
What about Tag?
I have a date with him tomorrow.
997
00:56:51,291 --> 00:56:53,375
What if he finds out
I'm engaged to my cousin?
998
00:56:53,458 --> 00:56:56,166
He won't. I promise you that. Okay?
999
00:56:56,250 --> 00:56:58,916
Everything will be fine. Just trust me.
1000
00:56:59,833 --> 00:57:01,666
Tr… trust you?
1001
00:57:01,750 --> 00:57:04,708
That is literally
the one thing that I cannot do!
1002
00:57:05,791 --> 00:57:07,500
I even wore this stupid hat!
1003
00:57:07,583 --> 00:57:10,083
You wanted me to wear a hat.
You're like, "It's cute." It's dumb!
1004
00:57:10,166 --> 00:57:12,666
Now I'm apparently
getting married!
1005
00:57:12,750 --> 00:57:15,041
I don't know about this Natalie.
1006
00:57:15,125 --> 00:57:17,875
If she wants to be in our family,
I need to know who she is.
1007
00:57:17,958 --> 00:57:18,833
And I've been,
1008
00:57:18,916 --> 00:57:22,000
I've been searching
for like an hour and nothing.
1009
00:57:22,500 --> 00:57:25,458
Not being Google-able
is the modern equivalent
1010
00:57:25,541 --> 00:57:28,125
of driving a white,
windowless van by a playground.
1011
00:57:28,875 --> 00:57:31,416
I went to prom in a white windowless van.
1012
00:57:32,333 --> 00:57:33,166
Huh?
1013
00:57:33,791 --> 00:57:35,625
I think you should just let it go.
1014
00:57:35,708 --> 00:57:39,083
I mean, she's not that bad,
and Josh seems really into her.
1015
00:57:39,916 --> 00:57:43,791
Chels, the baby barely has a heartbeat,
let alone ears.
1016
00:57:43,875 --> 00:57:46,291
Music prevents stretch marks, Owen.
1017
00:57:46,375 --> 00:57:47,708
Let me get this straight.
1018
00:57:47,791 --> 00:57:51,041
You're dating the real Tag,
and you're engaged to the fake Tag?
1019
00:57:51,125 --> 00:57:51,958
Correct.
1020
00:57:52,041 --> 00:57:54,958
My God, honey, you are gonna make
a therapist very wealthy one day.
1021
00:57:55,041 --> 00:57:56,666
This isn't funny, Ker!
1022
00:57:56,750 --> 00:57:58,541
I am so screwed!
1023
00:57:58,625 --> 00:58:01,000
All you have to do
is make sure Tag and the Lins
1024
00:58:01,083 --> 00:58:03,541
don't find out anything before Christmas,
and you're golden.
1025
00:58:03,625 --> 00:58:05,416
Just sit back, enjoy it.
1026
00:58:05,500 --> 00:58:06,875
I don't know, Ker.
1027
00:58:06,958 --> 00:58:09,208
I feel like this
is gonna blow up in my face.
1028
00:58:09,291 --> 00:58:11,541
Honey, sometimes blow-ups
can be a good thing.
1029
00:58:11,625 --> 00:58:13,666
You might not always
get the ending you want,
1030
00:58:13,750 --> 00:58:15,416
but you'll get the ending you need.
1031
00:58:15,500 --> 00:58:18,666
Worst case, you get a free diamond ring.
1032
00:58:19,625 --> 00:58:23,583
Oh. Hey… hey, Nat. Sweetie, I love you,
but I gotta go. My sponsor's calling.
1033
00:58:23,666 --> 00:58:25,500
Bye, sweetie. Love you.
1034
00:58:25,583 --> 00:58:26,416
Hey.
1035
00:58:27,625 --> 00:58:28,458
Kerry?
1036
00:58:38,291 --> 00:58:39,458
Is everything okay?
1037
00:58:40,125 --> 00:58:44,083
Oh, uh, Natalie,
can you please hand me my… my wrench?
1038
00:58:44,625 --> 00:58:45,916
Uh, yeah.
1039
00:58:46,750 --> 00:58:47,833
- Here.
- Thanks.
1040
00:58:48,333 --> 00:58:49,166
No problem.
1041
00:58:49,875 --> 00:58:51,500
Got it.
1042
00:58:52,333 --> 00:58:53,333
Whew.
1043
00:58:54,291 --> 00:58:56,208
Damn flue always gets stuck.
1044
00:58:59,125 --> 00:59:01,625
Oh, would you like
to help me with kindling?
1045
00:59:02,416 --> 00:59:03,250
Sure.
1046
00:59:10,666 --> 00:59:15,291
Just roll it lightly and scrunch.
1047
00:59:17,041 --> 00:59:21,041
Yeah, my dad didn't set fires unless
there was an insurance claim involved.
1048
00:59:21,958 --> 00:59:23,208
Who's that?
1049
00:59:23,958 --> 00:59:24,875
Oh.
1050
00:59:25,625 --> 00:59:27,041
Oh, that's my dad.
1051
00:59:27,750 --> 00:59:29,708
Yeah. He passed a few years ago.
1052
00:59:29,791 --> 00:59:30,916
Oh, I'm…
1053
00:59:31,791 --> 00:59:33,125
- Oh.
- I'm sorry.
1054
00:59:34,083 --> 00:59:37,333
You know,
that man loved two things in this world,
1055
00:59:37,416 --> 00:59:39,708
his family and Christmas.
1056
00:59:39,791 --> 00:59:43,166
He used to climb up on the roof
every Christmas Eve and stomp around
1057
00:59:43,250 --> 00:59:45,291
so the boys knew Santa had arrived.
1058
00:59:45,375 --> 00:59:47,791
He fell off one year and broke his arm.
1059
00:59:47,875 --> 00:59:52,208
But he told the boys he broke it,
protecting their presents from the Grinch.
1060
00:59:56,083 --> 00:59:58,166
He sounds like a great guy.
1061
00:59:58,250 --> 00:59:59,125
Yeah.
1062
01:00:00,375 --> 01:00:01,666
Hey, listen, um…
1063
01:00:01,750 --> 01:00:03,541
I just wanted you to know that
1064
01:00:04,666 --> 01:00:08,000
we're really happy
to have you joining the family.
1065
01:00:15,250 --> 01:00:17,833
Okay. Well, enough of that.
1066
01:00:17,916 --> 01:00:19,875
Ready to give this bad boy a go?
1067
01:00:20,666 --> 01:00:21,500
Sure.
1068
01:00:25,791 --> 01:00:27,625
Oh. Okay. All right.
1069
01:00:29,166 --> 01:00:32,000
This is the most beautiful hike
I've ever been on.
1070
01:00:32,083 --> 01:00:33,458
I'm glad you like it.
1071
01:00:33,958 --> 01:00:36,875
I used to come here every day
with my golden retriever, Chewy.
1072
01:00:36,958 --> 01:00:38,666
He passed away last year, actually.
1073
01:00:38,750 --> 01:00:41,000
- I miss him every day.
- Mm.
1074
01:00:41,583 --> 01:00:43,166
He would've liked this hike a lot…
1075
01:00:43,250 --> 01:00:44,125
Mm.
1076
01:00:45,625 --> 01:00:46,625
…and you.
1077
01:00:55,625 --> 01:00:58,916
This has been nice.
I haven't been on a hike date in years.
1078
01:00:59,000 --> 01:01:01,833
Oh, this is not the date.
It's just a warm-up.
1079
01:01:03,041 --> 01:01:05,875
You ever been bobsledding before?
1080
01:01:07,125 --> 01:01:09,000
I'm not good at this kind of stuff, Josh.
1081
01:01:09,083 --> 01:01:11,333
Okay. You just have to relax.
1082
01:01:11,416 --> 01:01:15,416
Relax? I can't relax. The tension
is the only thing holding me together.
1083
01:01:15,500 --> 01:01:18,041
Put in your AirPods,
and put on some music.
1084
01:01:18,125 --> 01:01:20,041
I don't know if I have them.
1085
01:01:22,291 --> 01:01:25,708
Actually, I think I have
something even better.
1086
01:01:27,958 --> 01:01:30,958
Oh, um, E-Rock says "pass the dutch."
1087
01:01:31,041 --> 01:01:32,291
E-Rock?
1088
01:01:33,333 --> 01:01:34,666
When did he get out of jail?
1089
01:01:39,000 --> 01:01:40,333
Yeah!
1090
01:01:43,541 --> 01:01:46,083
How are you feeling back there, Natalie?
1091
01:01:46,166 --> 01:01:48,291
Flying high back here.
1092
01:02:00,125 --> 01:02:02,250
Glad you're not dead.
1093
01:02:02,333 --> 01:02:05,125
Oh! I've never felt more alive!
1094
01:02:06,625 --> 01:02:09,958
Not only did Tag ask me to dinner
tomorrow night,
1095
01:02:10,458 --> 01:02:14,125
but I'm pretty sure I qualified for
the winter Olympics in Beijing.
1096
01:02:14,208 --> 01:02:15,750
Oh!
1097
01:02:17,416 --> 01:02:18,958
For the first time,
1098
01:02:19,041 --> 01:02:21,791
I met someone who's as perfect in person
1099
01:02:21,875 --> 01:02:25,166
as they are on paper.
1100
01:02:25,250 --> 01:02:28,791
I hate to break it to you, but Tag
is actually far from being perfect.
1101
01:02:28,875 --> 01:02:32,458
In first grade, he had a lazy eye
and needed to wear an eye patch.
1102
01:02:32,541 --> 01:02:35,125
Why are you being all weird?
1103
01:02:35,916 --> 01:02:38,416
I'm just trying to point out
that in some cultures,
1104
01:02:38,500 --> 01:02:41,458
height and facial symmetry are repulsive.
1105
01:02:42,458 --> 01:02:45,708
It's a good thing
I'm not part of those cultures.
1106
01:02:45,791 --> 01:02:47,500
Whatcha doin' over here?
1107
01:02:47,583 --> 01:02:49,541
Just mixing some new scents.
1108
01:02:49,625 --> 01:02:51,166
Mmm.
1109
01:02:51,250 --> 01:02:54,000
Smells like freshly cut grass.
1110
01:02:54,583 --> 01:02:57,458
- Well, that one's called Lawn Mower.
- Mm.
1111
01:03:01,708 --> 01:03:04,208
Mmm.
1112
01:03:04,291 --> 01:03:05,416
Getting a feeling.
1113
01:03:05,500 --> 01:03:07,833
Bear with me. Um…
1114
01:03:07,916 --> 01:03:12,416
It's like a... You know those
blue-collar mechanics guys
1115
01:03:12,500 --> 01:03:16,083
with the tight shirts,
that put in a hard day's work?
1116
01:03:16,166 --> 01:03:17,875
Jiffy Lube is what I'm calling it.
1117
01:03:18,750 --> 01:03:22,208
You might want to rethink
the names, but you did nail the scents.
1118
01:03:22,291 --> 01:03:23,875
Oh, sorry, that's just for me.
1119
01:03:23,958 --> 01:03:27,000
Ooh. Yeah, well, looks like now
it's just for me.
1120
01:03:27,083 --> 01:03:28,375
Mmm!
1121
01:03:28,458 --> 01:03:31,125
Eucalyptus. I love eucalyptus.
1122
01:03:31,625 --> 01:03:33,500
And Old Spice.
1123
01:03:33,583 --> 01:03:37,791
And there's, like,
a tiny little tinge of, hmm… gasoline?
1124
01:03:37,875 --> 01:03:39,208
What is this one?
1125
01:03:40,791 --> 01:03:41,791
Grandpa.
1126
01:03:43,541 --> 01:03:46,625
I started making candles
because of him in the first place.
1127
01:03:47,250 --> 01:03:50,125
You know they say a scent
can make a memory come alive.
1128
01:03:51,166 --> 01:03:52,333
So I made one of him.
1129
01:03:53,291 --> 01:03:54,208
It's lame, I know.
1130
01:03:55,625 --> 01:03:56,541
No.
1131
01:03:57,583 --> 01:03:58,708
It's not lame.
1132
01:04:04,041 --> 01:04:06,500
It's actually really sweet.
1133
01:04:12,375 --> 01:04:14,583
Hey, guys,
the movie's about to start!
1134
01:04:14,666 --> 01:04:16,041
What movie?
1135
01:04:16,666 --> 01:04:18,791
The greatest Christmas movie of all time.
1136
01:04:23,500 --> 01:04:24,833
It's carol singers.
1137
01:04:29,583 --> 01:04:31,125
I've seen him in something.
1138
01:04:31,208 --> 01:04:33,333
He's from Game of Thrones.
1139
01:04:35,208 --> 01:04:37,125
No, he's from that zombie show.
1140
01:04:37,208 --> 01:04:38,583
Walking Dead.
1141
01:04:38,666 --> 01:04:40,750
Ew. I hated that documentary.
1142
01:04:40,833 --> 01:04:42,833
Guys, come on. This is my favorite part.
1143
01:04:46,583 --> 01:04:47,666
Oh shoot.
1144
01:04:47,750 --> 01:04:51,333
Oh!
1145
01:04:51,416 --> 01:04:55,375
Oh, look! It's going to print!
Little lovebirds.
1146
01:04:55,458 --> 01:04:58,875
Your engagement announcement.
It's gonna be in the Gazette tomorrow.
1147
01:05:18,208 --> 01:05:20,500
Get in! Get in!
1148
01:05:24,666 --> 01:05:26,541
You can run, but you can't hide!
1149
01:05:27,875 --> 01:05:29,875
Oh shit. Stay down. Stay down.
1150
01:05:32,916 --> 01:05:35,041
- He's gone.
- Are you sure?
1151
01:05:38,625 --> 01:05:42,083
I'm pretty sure that paperboy
is gonna get fired over this.
1152
01:05:42,166 --> 01:05:45,333
- I'll give him a job at the store.
- Oh, well, I hope he likes to travel.
1153
01:05:45,416 --> 01:05:47,500
That's an upgrade, I'd say.
1154
01:05:47,583 --> 01:05:50,666
Okay. This is the last street.
I think we got all of it.
1155
01:05:50,750 --> 01:05:52,625
Oh my God.
1156
01:05:52,708 --> 01:05:55,416
I mean, I… I look like a deer
in the headlights in this photo.
1157
01:05:55,500 --> 01:05:58,625
- No, you don't.
- Yes, I do.
1158
01:05:58,708 --> 01:06:00,625
It's a pretty decent photo of you, though.
1159
01:06:00,708 --> 01:06:02,125
Look at that.
1160
01:06:02,208 --> 01:06:04,041
Probably the only one in existence.
1161
01:06:04,125 --> 01:06:06,083
Come on, Josh.
1162
01:06:06,166 --> 01:06:08,541
I know a lot of girls
who'd be very into you.
1163
01:06:09,541 --> 01:06:11,708
Well, they're definitely not
on FlirtAlert.
1164
01:06:15,375 --> 01:06:18,041
Do you still have
your original profile photos?
1165
01:06:19,875 --> 01:06:21,416
- Oh my God, you do.
- No.
1166
01:06:21,500 --> 01:06:22,416
Come on, show me.
1167
01:06:22,500 --> 01:06:24,625
- I deleted the whole thing.
- No, you didn't.
1168
01:06:24,708 --> 01:06:25,625
Please?
1169
01:06:25,708 --> 01:06:27,125
- No. No.
- I know you. I know you.
1170
01:06:27,208 --> 01:06:29,041
- Okay. Okay.
- Show me the photos!
1171
01:06:36,000 --> 01:06:40,416
Dude. You're holding an ax.
You literally look like an ax murderer.
1172
01:06:40,500 --> 01:06:42,916
I was going for, like, a rugged look.
1173
01:06:43,000 --> 01:06:43,833
Okay.
1174
01:06:45,458 --> 01:06:49,458
What? Who doesn't like a bathroom selfie?
I looked kind of cut that day. Look.
1175
01:06:49,541 --> 01:06:52,833
No one loves a bathroom selfie!
Also, why are you holding a wrench?
1176
01:06:52,916 --> 01:06:56,583
I was fixing the toilet downstairs.
Girls like guys who fix things.
1177
01:06:59,625 --> 01:07:00,458
What?
1178
01:07:00,541 --> 01:07:02,666
Okay, okay. Come here. Come here.
1179
01:07:02,750 --> 01:07:07,250
Let's recap for a second. You're holding
a wrench, an ax, and some rope.
1180
01:07:07,333 --> 01:07:09,125
Were you actually trying
to find a girlfriend
1181
01:07:09,208 --> 01:07:11,458
or the person who murdered Colonel Mustard
in the library?
1182
01:07:13,833 --> 01:07:18,125
No wonder you only got three matches.
You were hiding your strengths.
1183
01:07:18,750 --> 01:07:20,666
And what strengths are those?
1184
01:07:22,375 --> 01:07:23,875
Well.
1185
01:07:24,708 --> 01:07:27,875
For one, you have very nice eyes.
1186
01:07:29,416 --> 01:07:31,250
You gotta show those puppies off.
1187
01:07:34,583 --> 01:07:35,875
And those teeth.
1188
01:07:37,500 --> 01:07:39,250
You have really straight teeth.
1189
01:07:40,250 --> 01:07:42,083
They're freakishly straight.
1190
01:07:42,166 --> 01:07:43,583
Well, five years of braces.
1191
01:07:43,666 --> 01:07:45,875
So then smile more!
1192
01:07:47,125 --> 01:07:48,875
There you go.
1193
01:07:48,958 --> 01:07:50,500
There it is.
1194
01:07:51,541 --> 01:07:53,666
I'm kidding.
1195
01:07:54,541 --> 01:07:58,541
But more importantly,
you're a good guy, Josh.
1196
01:08:00,875 --> 01:08:03,208
Well, I don't know how
to show that in a photo.
1197
01:08:04,916 --> 01:08:08,458
Well, for starters,
you have to believe that it's true.
1198
01:08:09,458 --> 01:08:10,666
And then, once you do,
1199
01:08:11,541 --> 01:08:12,791
trust me,
1200
01:08:13,666 --> 01:08:14,625
it'll show.
1201
01:08:21,791 --> 01:08:23,875
Promise me that when this is all over,
1202
01:08:25,083 --> 01:08:28,041
you'll put up an honest profile
with real photos
1203
01:08:28,125 --> 01:08:29,333
that show the real you.
1204
01:08:32,625 --> 01:08:33,625
I promise.
1205
01:08:38,250 --> 01:08:40,458
I know you're in there, you mofos.
1206
01:08:40,541 --> 01:08:41,541
I can see the steam!
1207
01:08:41,625 --> 01:08:43,125
Go! Go, go, go, go, go, go!
1208
01:08:44,791 --> 01:08:48,125
Sure you don't want to stay the night?
We're making a gingerbread house.
1209
01:08:48,208 --> 01:08:50,166
I told Tag
I'd meet him at eight.
1210
01:08:50,750 --> 01:08:51,625
Hmm.
1211
01:08:51,708 --> 01:08:53,541
Okay. So?
1212
01:08:54,916 --> 01:08:55,875
What do you think?
1213
01:08:58,208 --> 01:08:59,166
Wow.
1214
01:08:59,250 --> 01:09:02,625
I know. I... It's the best
I could find in your mom's closet.
1215
01:09:02,708 --> 01:09:06,291
But I did have to make a couple
of alterations. I hope she doesn't mind.
1216
01:09:06,916 --> 01:09:08,583
No. You look…
1217
01:09:11,208 --> 01:09:12,083
Perfect.
1218
01:09:12,166 --> 01:09:13,666
Okay.
1219
01:09:13,750 --> 01:09:15,250
No need to oversell it.
1220
01:09:20,708 --> 01:09:24,875
- So, where are you guys going tonight?
- Um… Abbott's, I think.
1221
01:09:24,958 --> 01:09:28,208
- You know that's a steakhouse, right?
- Yeah. His parents own it.
1222
01:09:28,291 --> 01:09:30,083
Right, and you're vegetarian,
1223
01:09:30,166 --> 01:09:32,250
but Tag's a real
meat-and-potatoes type of guy,
1224
01:09:32,333 --> 01:09:34,166
and he likes his girls the same way.
1225
01:09:34,750 --> 01:09:37,250
Okay, so I'll eat a potato.
1226
01:09:38,625 --> 01:09:41,000
Worst case, maybe I'll have a little meat.
1227
01:09:41,666 --> 01:09:44,333
Yeah, don't you think
this is going a little too far?
1228
01:09:45,666 --> 01:09:46,541
No.
1229
01:09:46,625 --> 01:09:50,125
Okay. Pretending to like rock climbing
or a book, that's one thing.
1230
01:09:50,208 --> 01:09:52,083
But now you're compromising your beliefs.
1231
01:09:52,166 --> 01:09:56,208
Okay, relax. It's not like
I'm opening up a slaughterhouse.
1232
01:09:56,291 --> 01:10:01,250
Well, it's meat today, but then
what are you going to lie about tomorrow?
1233
01:10:02,125 --> 01:10:04,375
I'm… I'm sorry. Lie?
1234
01:10:05,291 --> 01:10:09,250
Let's not forget the only reason I'm here
is because you lied.
1235
01:10:09,333 --> 01:10:11,375
- I lied about a photo.
- No.
1236
01:10:11,458 --> 01:10:15,083
You hid behind a photo.
You lied about your identity.
1237
01:10:15,833 --> 01:10:17,000
But it was still me.
1238
01:10:17,750 --> 01:10:20,750
Every conversation we had,
every text we exchanged,
1239
01:10:20,833 --> 01:10:22,208
every laugh we shared.
1240
01:10:22,875 --> 01:10:24,000
It was me.
1241
01:10:24,666 --> 01:10:26,041
You liked me.
1242
01:10:26,666 --> 01:10:27,958
And you like me so much,
1243
01:10:28,041 --> 01:10:31,708
you flew across the country
to surprise me for Christmas.
1244
01:10:31,791 --> 01:10:33,583
You're right. I liked you.
1245
01:10:34,250 --> 01:10:35,583
But you were a lie.
1246
01:10:35,666 --> 01:10:37,208
A piece of fiction.
1247
01:11:05,333 --> 01:11:07,750
Good evening. Any questions on the menu?
1248
01:11:07,833 --> 01:11:09,583
I will have the porterhouse.
1249
01:11:09,666 --> 01:11:11,666
And how would you like that cooked?
1250
01:11:11,750 --> 01:11:15,208
You know me. So rare,
a good vet could bring it back to life.
1251
01:11:18,791 --> 01:11:22,041
Josh, I'm sorry that Natalie
couldn't be with us tonight.
1252
01:11:22,125 --> 01:11:23,041
Where is she?
1253
01:11:23,833 --> 01:11:25,000
Uh, Abbott's.
1254
01:11:26,125 --> 01:11:27,500
What's she doing there?
1255
01:11:28,333 --> 01:11:32,833
Uh, she's just… uh… uh… sampling
the menu, uh, for the wedding meal.
1256
01:11:32,916 --> 01:11:34,166
Mm.
1257
01:11:34,250 --> 01:11:36,375
Isn't that something you do together?
1258
01:11:37,000 --> 01:11:39,625
No, it doesn't matter what I like.
1259
01:11:39,708 --> 01:11:42,416
You know,
as long as she's happy, I'm happy.
1260
01:11:44,875 --> 01:11:46,875
Ah crap. I'm out of Twizzlers.
1261
01:11:46,958 --> 01:11:49,958
How can I build my beautiful roof
without Twizzlers?
1262
01:11:50,041 --> 01:11:51,583
I'm gonna head to the store real quick.
1263
01:11:51,666 --> 01:11:54,958
Uh, and I'll be right back.
Anyone need anything? No? No? Okay.
1264
01:11:58,875 --> 01:12:00,916
So, um, what do you think of the place?
1265
01:12:01,000 --> 01:12:03,166
It's really something.
1266
01:12:03,791 --> 01:12:06,750
You can see Bambi
without actually going to Disney World.
1267
01:12:06,833 --> 01:12:08,375
You know, I shot that one, actually.
1268
01:12:10,166 --> 01:12:11,916
- Wow.
- Yeah.
1269
01:12:24,625 --> 01:12:29,208
Okay, so you like pizza,
rock climbing, and Thoreau.
1270
01:12:29,291 --> 01:12:30,875
- Mm-hmm.
- What else do you like?
1271
01:12:30,958 --> 01:12:33,083
Movies.
1272
01:12:33,166 --> 01:12:34,708
Specifically, Die Hard.
1273
01:12:34,791 --> 01:12:38,125
It is the greatest Christmas movie
of all time.
1274
01:12:41,125 --> 01:12:42,416
Well, cheers to that.
1275
01:12:46,958 --> 01:12:48,375
I totally love Christmas,
1276
01:12:48,458 --> 01:12:50,875
but Santa's actually kind of creepy
when you think about it.
1277
01:12:50,958 --> 01:12:53,291
He sees you when you're sleeping.
He knows when you're awake.
1278
01:12:53,375 --> 01:12:55,958
He always makes you sit on his lap.
1279
01:12:56,041 --> 01:12:57,958
Yep. Totally agree.
1280
01:12:58,041 --> 01:13:00,958
I mean, that guy is everything
that's wrong with Christmas.
1281
01:13:01,041 --> 01:13:02,833
It's pretty much why I don't celebrate it.
1282
01:13:06,625 --> 01:13:09,458
Oh, you're serious?
You don't celebrate Christmas?
1283
01:13:09,541 --> 01:13:10,375
No.
1284
01:13:10,916 --> 01:13:12,125
Stopped three years ago.
1285
01:13:13,125 --> 01:13:16,333
- Why?
- Because it's a total scam.
1286
01:13:16,916 --> 01:13:17,875
Okay.
1287
01:13:18,583 --> 01:13:20,041
Really? Okay.
1288
01:13:20,875 --> 01:13:22,750
Oh, uh, don't pull up
to the house.
1289
01:13:22,833 --> 01:13:24,291
- Everyone's sleeping.
- Okay.
1290
01:13:24,375 --> 01:13:26,958
No offense,
but your car is a little loud.
1291
01:13:30,041 --> 01:13:30,916
Okay.
1292
01:13:31,500 --> 01:13:33,583
Well, I had a really nice evening.
1293
01:13:34,750 --> 01:13:35,750
I did too.
1294
01:13:36,708 --> 01:13:37,833
Thank you.
1295
01:13:55,333 --> 01:13:57,500
Thank you. Um…
1296
01:13:58,833 --> 01:13:59,666
Good night.
1297
01:14:00,708 --> 01:14:01,666
Good night.
1298
01:14:41,833 --> 01:14:43,250
There's cereal in there.
1299
01:14:48,125 --> 01:14:51,250
Hey, Josh, listen.
About what I said last night, I...
1300
01:14:51,333 --> 01:14:53,125
Look, you don't have to say anything.
1301
01:14:53,208 --> 01:14:54,541
No, I want to.
1302
01:14:55,375 --> 01:14:56,916
- Hey, kids.
- I shouldn't have...
1303
01:14:57,000 --> 01:15:00,166
I need your help.
Go get dressed, and meet me at the car.
1304
01:15:00,250 --> 01:15:01,208
Where are we going?
1305
01:15:01,750 --> 01:15:03,041
Shimmering Pines.
1306
01:15:03,750 --> 01:15:07,375
Come on, Grandma. Just ask Mom to help.
Okay? She loves that place.
1307
01:15:07,458 --> 01:15:09,708
I don't need your mom. I need you.
1308
01:15:11,041 --> 01:15:14,500
We're starting now.
We're going to start now, everyone.
1309
01:15:14,583 --> 01:15:16,750
We're going to be starting now.
1310
01:15:18,000 --> 01:15:20,666
Many of you've expressed
interest in online dating.
1311
01:15:21,250 --> 01:15:23,208
Well, I've brought you two experts.
1312
01:15:23,291 --> 01:15:28,125
My grandson, Josh,
and his fiancée Natalie.
1313
01:15:28,208 --> 01:15:29,458
Oh.
1314
01:15:29,541 --> 01:15:33,166
They actually met online
and now are engaged.
1315
01:15:34,333 --> 01:15:37,000
So, who better to come
and talk to you about
1316
01:15:37,083 --> 01:15:39,333
the dos and don'ts of online dating?
1317
01:15:40,416 --> 01:15:41,916
Any questions?
1318
01:15:42,500 --> 01:15:43,833
How do I make it clear
1319
01:15:43,916 --> 01:15:46,541
that I'm not looking
for anything long-term?
1320
01:15:46,625 --> 01:15:47,583
Yeah.
1321
01:15:47,666 --> 01:15:50,000
Um… I… I think that might be implied.
1322
01:15:50,083 --> 01:15:54,208
Do I have to mention my Parkinson's?
1323
01:15:54,291 --> 01:15:57,333
I think being honest
is always a good idea.
1324
01:15:57,416 --> 01:16:01,416
- Oh.
- What if I spruce it up just a little bit?
1325
01:16:01,500 --> 01:16:04,458
Instead of "has Parkinson's,"
1326
01:16:04,541 --> 01:16:06,291
I go with, uh,
1327
01:16:07,291 --> 01:16:08,833
"Always on the move."
1328
01:16:08,916 --> 01:16:11,333
Ooh, that's a good idea! I like that.
1329
01:16:11,416 --> 01:16:14,166
I want to avoid mentioning
that I'm in a wheelchair.
1330
01:16:14,250 --> 01:16:17,958
Then just change it.
Say, "I enjoy rolling with my homies."
1331
01:16:18,041 --> 01:16:20,083
- Yeah! That's good.
- Oh, that sounds really good!
1332
01:16:20,166 --> 01:16:22,583
Guys, I… I think you guys
got the wrong idea.
1333
01:16:22,666 --> 01:16:26,875
And will the fact that I live
in a nursing home turn off a lot of men?
1334
01:16:26,958 --> 01:16:29,000
- Uh.
- Not necessarily.
1335
01:16:29,083 --> 01:16:32,041
Just say, "Into the group thing."
1336
01:16:33,666 --> 01:16:38,583
And then Hank there
would prefer staying in over going out.
1337
01:16:44,333 --> 01:16:46,708
Stop. Stop.
Everyone just stop.
1338
01:16:49,500 --> 01:16:50,583
I… I get it.
1339
01:16:50,666 --> 01:16:53,125
I… I really, really do.
1340
01:16:54,166 --> 01:16:56,125
You wanna put your best foot forward.
1341
01:16:57,208 --> 01:17:01,083
You lived a full, vibrant life,
and you're a good person.
1342
01:17:01,666 --> 01:17:04,500
Traveled the world, fought in a war.
1343
01:17:05,083 --> 01:17:07,083
And Gladys, you met Sinatra.
1344
01:17:07,166 --> 01:17:09,500
I heard about your night at the Flamingo.
1345
01:17:11,333 --> 01:17:16,833
But then the insecurities creep in,
and you start with a slight exaggeration.
1346
01:17:18,041 --> 01:17:20,666
Still you, just a shinier version.
1347
01:17:21,583 --> 01:17:23,458
But… you like it.
1348
01:17:24,666 --> 01:17:26,833
So you tweak it just a little more
1349
01:17:28,375 --> 01:17:32,291
until the real you, which was probably
pretty great to begin with,
1350
01:17:33,291 --> 01:17:35,333
is unrecognizable.
1351
01:17:38,166 --> 01:17:39,250
But here's the thing.
1352
01:17:40,833 --> 01:17:42,500
You're not just fooling yourself.
1353
01:17:43,666 --> 01:17:46,666
There's someone else
on the other side of that lie
1354
01:17:47,416 --> 01:17:51,000
falling in love with a version of you
that doesn't exist.
1355
01:17:52,875 --> 01:17:54,750
And that's not fair
1356
01:17:55,541 --> 01:17:58,833
because the only way it ends for them
is disappointment.
1357
01:17:59,833 --> 01:18:01,458
And the only way it ends for you
1358
01:18:02,916 --> 01:18:03,833
is heartbreak.
1359
01:18:07,875 --> 01:18:09,833
If I've learned anything,
1360
01:18:09,916 --> 01:18:12,791
it's that love doesn't have to be perfect.
1361
01:18:14,375 --> 01:18:15,958
It just has to be honest.
1362
01:18:23,583 --> 01:18:27,625
- Is "curvy" spelled with a Y or an EY?
- There's no E.
1363
01:18:36,000 --> 01:18:40,500
I guess I never realized.
I was so busy being mad at you
1364
01:18:40,583 --> 01:18:44,333
that I… I never stopped to think
about why you actually did it.
1365
01:18:44,416 --> 01:18:45,833
Look. Natalie,
1366
01:18:45,916 --> 01:18:48,458
the… the why doesn't even matter anymore.
1367
01:18:48,541 --> 01:18:51,708
It was wrong. I shouldn't have asked you
to lie in the first place.
1368
01:18:51,791 --> 01:18:55,333
And I'm just gonna go to my family
and come clean with everything.
1369
01:18:55,416 --> 01:18:58,083
Wait, what? No.
No, no, no, no. You can't do that.
1370
01:18:58,166 --> 01:19:00,541
Josh, this isn't all your fault. I mean…
1371
01:19:01,958 --> 01:19:04,250
Besides, a deal's a deal.
We've made it this far.
1372
01:19:04,333 --> 01:19:08,291
It's only two days till Christmas.
Let's stage a breakup like we planned.
1373
01:19:08,958 --> 01:19:10,500
Don't worry, I'll sell it.
1374
01:19:11,083 --> 01:19:13,000
I don't know. It… it doesn't feel right.
1375
01:19:14,375 --> 01:19:16,166
Grandma, the car's that way!
1376
01:19:16,791 --> 01:19:18,750
Grandma! That's the wrong way!
1377
01:19:19,250 --> 01:19:20,125
Wait up!
1378
01:19:20,875 --> 01:19:23,083
Grandma, where are you going?
1379
01:19:24,666 --> 01:19:28,416
- Here they come.
- Surprise!
1380
01:19:30,166 --> 01:19:31,291
Hey, guys!
1381
01:19:32,666 --> 01:19:36,916
Oh, we are so excited
to have you join the family!
1382
01:19:39,166 --> 01:19:43,625
Your parents threw us
a surprise engagement party? Here?
1383
01:19:43,708 --> 01:19:45,750
Yeah. Not ideal.
1384
01:19:47,333 --> 01:19:48,625
Let's party!
1385
01:19:51,416 --> 01:19:52,791
- Hi.
- Hey.
1386
01:19:52,875 --> 01:19:54,125
What are you doing here?
1387
01:19:54,208 --> 01:19:57,833
Your aunt asked if we could throw
a surprise engagement party for Josh here.
1388
01:19:57,916 --> 01:19:59,875
- I figured it's the least I could do.
- Oh.
1389
01:19:59,958 --> 01:20:02,041
Where's the bride-to-be anyway?
I haven't met her yet.
1390
01:20:02,125 --> 01:20:03,458
She's doing the rounds.
1391
01:20:03,541 --> 01:20:06,583
- Congratulations, dear.
- Thank you. You look hungry.
1392
01:20:06,666 --> 01:20:08,500
Why did he just congratulate you?
1393
01:20:08,583 --> 01:20:11,500
- Oh. You didn't hear?
- Uh-uh.
1394
01:20:11,583 --> 01:20:14,541
I was the millionth customer
at the Supermart. Hmm.
1395
01:20:14,625 --> 01:20:16,458
- Huh?
- Free non-perishables for life.
1396
01:20:16,541 --> 01:20:17,625
- Wow!
- Yeah, lucky me!
1397
01:20:17,708 --> 01:20:20,291
- I know a great charity that...
- Do you know where the coat check is?
1398
01:20:20,375 --> 01:20:22,666
- Yeah. Oh, okay. Uh-huh.
- Do you mind taking that for me?
1399
01:20:22,750 --> 01:20:24,958
- Thank you so much.
- You… you look great, by the way.
1400
01:20:25,041 --> 01:20:27,250
Thanks.
1401
01:20:29,000 --> 01:20:30,208
Hors d'oeuvres?
1402
01:20:30,291 --> 01:20:32,750
J-Dog! Congrats, my man!
1403
01:20:32,833 --> 01:20:37,000
E-Rock! My mom really did invite
everybody in town. Huh?
1404
01:20:37,083 --> 01:20:41,125
Well, actually, I was just dropping off
your, uh, your lady's suitcase.
1405
01:20:41,208 --> 01:20:44,250
There's so much nice underwear in there.
You're a lucky guy.
1406
01:20:46,541 --> 01:20:48,666
I gotta say I'm surprised.
1407
01:20:48,750 --> 01:20:49,791
Lee?
1408
01:20:49,875 --> 01:20:53,625
- I didn't think it was gonna work out.
- How… how… are you here?
1409
01:20:53,708 --> 01:20:56,208
Duh, first class, honey.
I'm not a peasant.
1410
01:20:56,291 --> 01:20:57,500
No, I… I mean, um...
1411
01:20:57,583 --> 01:21:00,416
Listen, you're not the only one
that can stalk people on the internet.
1412
01:21:00,500 --> 01:21:05,000
I found out about this little soirée
courtesy of Barb's Facebook page. Hello!
1413
01:21:08,958 --> 01:21:10,583
Hey, how's it going?
1414
01:21:11,333 --> 01:21:13,208
So, Tag and Lee are here.
1415
01:21:13,291 --> 01:21:16,458
- Lee? Are you dating two guys now?
- No, he's my boss.
1416
01:21:16,541 --> 01:21:18,250
What? Why is he here?
1417
01:21:18,333 --> 01:21:19,583
Because God hates me.
1418
01:21:21,583 --> 01:21:23,083
Glenlivet 12, neat.
1419
01:21:24,000 --> 01:21:25,666
That's a man who knows how to drink.
1420
01:21:26,250 --> 01:21:29,791
Just act natural. We'll figure a way out.
We just got to stick together. Okay?
1421
01:21:29,875 --> 01:21:32,750
Hey, babe.
I want to introduce you to my parents.
1422
01:21:32,833 --> 01:21:33,833
I'm out.
1423
01:21:33,916 --> 01:21:35,458
What brings you here?
1424
01:21:35,541 --> 01:21:36,875
I'm Natalie's boss.
1425
01:21:38,375 --> 01:21:39,666
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.
1426
01:21:40,291 --> 01:21:41,166
Tell me more.
1427
01:21:41,250 --> 01:21:43,416
Mom, Dad, this is Natalie.
1428
01:21:43,500 --> 01:21:44,416
- Hello.
- Hi.
1429
01:21:44,500 --> 01:21:46,208
- Hi.
- Tag's told us so much about you.
1430
01:21:46,291 --> 01:21:48,666
He never says anything
about his girlfriends, so…
1431
01:21:48,750 --> 01:21:49,833
Dad, come on.
1432
01:21:49,916 --> 01:21:52,958
Girlfriend. Wow.
It's… it's so, so nice to meet you.
1433
01:21:53,041 --> 01:21:56,166
I think I'm just gonna
go use the ladies' room.
1434
01:21:57,458 --> 01:21:59,291
Hey, not so fast. We need to talk.
1435
01:21:59,375 --> 01:22:02,333
- I'm kind of busy, Owen.
- Oh, talking to your lover, Tag?
1436
01:22:02,416 --> 01:22:06,416
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I saw you two
here last night looking pretty damn cozy.
1437
01:22:06,500 --> 01:22:08,875
Okay, it's not… it's not what you think.
1438
01:22:08,958 --> 01:22:11,708
Ah, that's funny,
because I didn't know what to think
1439
01:22:11,791 --> 01:22:14,083
until I spoke to your boss
a few seconds ago,
1440
01:22:14,166 --> 01:22:15,916
and now it all makes sense.
1441
01:22:16,000 --> 01:22:17,458
Okay, look, I… I can explain.
1442
01:22:17,541 --> 01:22:19,041
- So the thing is...
- La-la-la-la…
1443
01:22:19,125 --> 01:22:23,166
I don't want to hear it. I just want you
to stop this charade with my brother.
1444
01:22:25,750 --> 01:22:27,333
Two glasses of Veuve, please.
1445
01:22:27,416 --> 01:22:29,916
- Tag, what's going on, bro?
- What's up, E?
1446
01:22:30,000 --> 01:22:32,291
Can you believe
that J-Dog is getting married?
1447
01:22:32,375 --> 01:22:34,666
- Chick's pretty cool too.
- I haven't met her yet.
1448
01:22:34,750 --> 01:22:35,958
Well, she's right there.
1449
01:22:36,458 --> 01:22:37,833
Dude, that's his cousin.
1450
01:22:37,916 --> 01:22:41,541
I don't judge. You love who you love.
1451
01:22:41,625 --> 01:22:42,500
No. You know wh...
1452
01:22:42,583 --> 01:22:44,541
Why should I believe
what comes out of your mouth?
1453
01:22:44,625 --> 01:22:46,916
- Are you serious...
- Hey! Everything okay here?
1454
01:22:47,000 --> 01:22:48,041
- No!
- Yes.
1455
01:22:49,000 --> 01:22:53,083
Natalie, she didn't come to New York
for love. She came here for a story.
1456
01:22:53,166 --> 01:22:55,083
She's been playing you since day one, bro.
1457
01:22:55,166 --> 01:22:58,666
She's a writer for a Disaster Date column,
and you're not her fiancé.
1458
01:22:58,750 --> 01:23:00,166
You are her subject.
1459
01:23:00,250 --> 01:23:02,375
- Don't...
- Wait. What? Nat.
1460
01:23:02,458 --> 01:23:03,625
What is he talking about?
1461
01:23:05,833 --> 01:23:07,666
Could I have everyone's attention?
1462
01:23:09,791 --> 01:23:12,458
I'm not one for speeches,
so I'll keep this quick.
1463
01:23:13,083 --> 01:23:13,916
Uh…
1464
01:23:14,416 --> 01:23:15,458
Josh.
1465
01:23:16,250 --> 01:23:19,666
I know we haven't always seen
eye-to-eye on things,
1466
01:23:19,750 --> 01:23:22,333
but you're a good kid with a big heart,
1467
01:23:22,416 --> 01:23:27,708
and after spending, uh, the last week
with your beautiful bride-to-be,
1468
01:23:28,500 --> 01:23:31,958
I think the whole family agrees
that you've picked a winner!
1469
01:23:32,041 --> 01:23:34,083
I couldn't be happier for you, son.
1470
01:23:34,166 --> 01:23:37,958
So let's all raise a glass
to future Mr. and Mrs. Lin,
1471
01:23:38,041 --> 01:23:39,833
- Josh and...
- No!
1472
01:23:43,541 --> 01:23:45,000
Not yet. Um…
1473
01:23:45,083 --> 01:23:46,208
Uh…
1474
01:23:46,833 --> 01:23:50,250
We can't cheers
before all the speeches are done.
1475
01:23:50,333 --> 01:23:55,958
I mean, I'd like to add
to your beautiful, beautiful speech
1476
01:23:56,041 --> 01:23:59,166
with my own speech.
1477
01:23:59,750 --> 01:24:01,250
A speech sequel, per se,
1478
01:24:02,833 --> 01:24:06,166
about, um, love, and, uh, Josh,
1479
01:24:06,250 --> 01:24:07,166
and…
1480
01:24:11,541 --> 01:24:13,250
And?
1481
01:24:15,125 --> 01:24:16,375
…dishonesty.
1482
01:24:17,958 --> 01:24:19,458
Because that's what I've been,
1483
01:24:20,416 --> 01:24:21,333
dishonest
1484
01:24:22,458 --> 01:24:25,041
with Josh, and the Lins,
1485
01:24:25,708 --> 01:24:26,875
Tag,
1486
01:24:26,958 --> 01:24:28,125
everyone, really. I...
1487
01:24:31,666 --> 01:24:32,875
Here it goes.
1488
01:24:33,375 --> 01:24:35,916
Four weeks ago,
I met a guy online.
1489
01:24:36,833 --> 01:24:40,916
He was smart, funny, sweet,
and he looked like him.
1490
01:24:42,416 --> 01:24:45,458
So, I decided to come here
and surprise him for Christmas.
1491
01:24:46,875 --> 01:24:48,958
But when I got here,
I realized that the guy
1492
01:24:49,041 --> 01:24:51,708
I was really talking to was him.
1493
01:24:53,416 --> 01:24:54,541
I got catfished,
1494
01:24:55,291 --> 01:24:56,458
and I was furious.
1495
01:24:57,875 --> 01:25:01,208
But Josh told me
that he would help get me Tag
1496
01:25:01,291 --> 01:25:04,166
if I pretended to be his girlfriend
for the holidays.
1497
01:25:04,250 --> 01:25:05,458
And I honestly just...
1498
01:25:05,541 --> 01:25:08,625
I… I thought
that my perfect match was here,
1499
01:25:08,708 --> 01:25:11,916
so I agreed, and I pretended
to be someone that I'm not, but…
1500
01:25:12,750 --> 01:25:15,083
I just wanted my happy ending.
1501
01:25:18,250 --> 01:25:21,083
But I can't do it anymore.
I… I… I can't lie.
1502
01:25:21,166 --> 01:25:22,916
I just can't, I'm sorry. I…
1503
01:25:25,166 --> 01:25:26,583
I'm so sorry.
1504
01:25:31,125 --> 01:25:32,416
Do you even climb?
1505
01:25:34,750 --> 01:25:35,708
What about Thoreau?
1506
01:25:36,708 --> 01:25:37,750
I hate him.
1507
01:25:38,500 --> 01:25:39,458
Bobsledding?
1508
01:25:40,041 --> 01:25:42,416
I literally had to get stoned
to get through it.
1509
01:25:42,500 --> 01:25:45,333
Yeah. Now, that's my girl.
1510
01:25:46,333 --> 01:25:51,083
Okay, so… so you got mad at Josh
for catfishing you,
1511
01:25:51,166 --> 01:25:53,625
and then you go
and do the exact same thing to me.
1512
01:25:59,791 --> 01:26:01,000
Congratulations.
1513
01:26:05,333 --> 01:26:06,708
And… and by the way,
1514
01:26:07,291 --> 01:26:09,541
Die Hard is not a Christmas movie.
1515
01:26:09,625 --> 01:26:10,958
Yeah.
1516
01:26:17,250 --> 01:26:20,458
Okay, all right, show's over.
Nothing to see here, all right?
1517
01:26:20,541 --> 01:26:21,625
Okay? All right?
1518
01:26:23,166 --> 01:26:25,875
All right. Time to go home.
Stop looking at my brother.
1519
01:27:20,041 --> 01:27:24,083
A passion whose flame fails
to be fanned eventually burns out.
1520
01:27:24,166 --> 01:27:26,833
Don't be afraid to be you. Natalie.
1521
01:27:27,916 --> 01:27:29,666
I was happy with their meat.
1522
01:27:29,750 --> 01:27:33,208
That's what they're known for.
Good old steak as always.
1523
01:27:43,291 --> 01:27:44,333
She's gone.
1524
01:27:50,958 --> 01:27:51,916
Baby.
1525
01:27:52,708 --> 01:27:55,541
Oh, honey, I'm so sorry.
1526
01:28:01,000 --> 01:28:02,208
Thank you, Grandma.
1527
01:28:07,333 --> 01:28:08,875
Chin up, brother bear.
1528
01:28:14,250 --> 01:28:15,583
Sorry, Josh.
1529
01:28:16,458 --> 01:28:17,375
It's okay.
1530
01:28:27,791 --> 01:28:31,250
Here's the deal. Things happen for...
1531
01:28:41,958 --> 01:28:43,083
I'm sorry, son.
1532
01:28:47,666 --> 01:28:48,791
What are all these?
1533
01:28:49,708 --> 01:28:52,125
Oh, just candles I made.
It's… it's nothing.
1534
01:28:55,875 --> 01:28:56,833
You made this?
1535
01:28:57,666 --> 01:28:59,000
You make candles?
1536
01:29:00,125 --> 01:29:02,958
It's… it's no big deal.
It's just… it's just a hobby.
1537
01:29:07,250 --> 01:29:10,000
Wow! I don't know how you did it,
but…
1538
01:29:11,333 --> 01:29:13,375
This smells exactly like Grandpa.
1539
01:29:13,458 --> 01:29:15,750
It's as if he's here in the room with us.
1540
01:29:18,875 --> 01:29:20,625
I can smell his aftershave.
1541
01:29:23,375 --> 01:29:25,291
The wool of his sweater.
1542
01:29:28,375 --> 01:29:31,250
Wait, there's something else
that I just can't place.
1543
01:29:32,000 --> 01:29:33,875
- Eucalyptus?
- Bengay.
1544
01:29:35,958 --> 01:29:37,083
Well.
1545
01:29:37,833 --> 01:29:39,458
That's one hell of a hobby.
1546
01:29:42,375 --> 01:29:46,041
Actually, Dad, it's not just a hobby.
1547
01:29:46,750 --> 01:29:48,458
I… I think it could be a business.
1548
01:29:49,166 --> 01:29:50,083
A big one.
1549
01:29:51,000 --> 01:29:54,333
I know, it's not like helping
someone ascend Everest
1550
01:29:54,416 --> 01:29:57,916
or providing scuba gear
for the Great Barrier Reef,
1551
01:29:58,000 --> 01:30:01,250
but it's what I want to do with my life.
1552
01:30:04,000 --> 01:30:04,916
Wait. Uh…
1553
01:30:06,208 --> 01:30:08,625
Are you saying you don't want
to work at the store anymore?
1554
01:30:09,708 --> 01:30:11,458
No, I… I don't.
1555
01:30:11,541 --> 01:30:13,541
I'm… I'm sorry, Dad.
1556
01:30:14,875 --> 01:30:15,875
Oh.
1557
01:30:15,958 --> 01:30:16,958
Thank God.
1558
01:30:19,166 --> 01:30:23,416
I love you, son, but you're terrible
at selling sporting goods.
1559
01:30:23,500 --> 01:30:24,875
I know!
1560
01:30:26,666 --> 01:30:27,541
So...
1561
01:30:28,208 --> 01:30:29,750
You're… you're not mad at me?
1562
01:30:29,833 --> 01:30:31,666
Ah, of course not.
1563
01:30:34,583 --> 01:30:36,750
My son wants to make candles,
1564
01:30:38,541 --> 01:30:40,958
so go make candles.
1565
01:30:44,833 --> 01:30:45,666
Yeah.
1566
01:31:19,250 --> 01:31:21,791
You won't find my article
in the bottom of that glass.
1567
01:31:21,875 --> 01:31:25,083
Jesus Christ, Lee.
You're everywhere.
1568
01:31:25,166 --> 01:31:26,666
A beer, please.
1569
01:31:26,750 --> 01:31:27,916
No problem.
1570
01:31:28,625 --> 01:31:32,166
So, kiddo. That was one hell
of an engagement toast.
1571
01:31:32,250 --> 01:31:35,708
Seriously, though, that train wreck
was a little too much, even for me.
1572
01:31:36,458 --> 01:31:37,958
Are you all right?
1573
01:31:38,583 --> 01:31:42,291
Did you see the look on Josh's face?
I'm the furthest thing from all right.
1574
01:31:42,375 --> 01:31:45,250
Hmm. When you found out
you were getting catfished,
1575
01:31:45,333 --> 01:31:46,708
why didn't you just leave?
1576
01:31:47,416 --> 01:31:50,208
Because I owed you an article,
and I didn't want to get fired.
1577
01:31:50,291 --> 01:31:53,250
I fired you four times.
You just keep showing up.
1578
01:31:53,916 --> 01:31:55,458
Why did you really stay?
1579
01:31:57,041 --> 01:31:59,625
I… I… I don't know.
1580
01:31:59,708 --> 01:32:01,750
Okay. I mean, I just find it odd
1581
01:32:01,833 --> 01:32:05,041
because you usually run
at the first sign of imperfection.
1582
01:32:05,125 --> 01:32:08,291
Josh is imperfect,
but yet you decided to stay?
1583
01:32:09,041 --> 01:32:10,833
It doesn't really matter.
1584
01:32:11,833 --> 01:32:13,833
Honey, it's the only thing that matters.
1585
01:32:23,500 --> 01:32:25,583
I think I'm gonna head back up to my room.
1586
01:32:26,083 --> 01:32:28,708
- This article isn't gonna write itself.
- Good idea.
1587
01:32:28,791 --> 01:32:31,375
Just because we're girlfriends now
doesn't mean I won't fire you.
1588
01:32:45,125 --> 01:32:49,375
Webster's Dictionary
defines love as…
1589
01:32:51,083 --> 01:32:56,041
To paraphrase my girl Celine Dion,
"My heart, too, will go on."
1590
01:33:07,208 --> 01:33:08,041
What?
1591
01:33:23,875 --> 01:33:26,875
Half of you love
a great Disaster Date story.
1592
01:33:26,958 --> 01:33:29,458
The other half, a storybook romance.
1593
01:33:29,541 --> 01:33:32,916
Now, the first half of you
are going to be really, really happy.
1594
01:33:33,458 --> 01:33:35,291
Allow me to explain.
1595
01:33:35,375 --> 01:33:37,291
It all started with a swipe.
1596
01:33:38,666 --> 01:33:40,916
Tag Abbott, he may as well have been
Zeus's son…
1597
01:33:41,000 --> 01:33:41,875
Josh Lin…
1598
01:33:41,958 --> 01:33:46,250
His family took me in.
I have never felt worse in my entire life.
1599
01:33:46,333 --> 01:33:50,833
So, there you have it, folks.
Another disaster for the record books.
1600
01:33:50,916 --> 01:33:55,083
But this time, I realized
that in order to find true love,
1601
01:33:55,166 --> 01:33:58,083
I need to be honest about who I am too,
1602
01:33:58,166 --> 01:34:01,083
and maybe that's been the problem
all along. I mean...
1603
01:34:01,166 --> 01:34:04,166
I've been so focused
on other people's dishonesty
1604
01:34:04,250 --> 01:34:06,916
that I never really stopped
to look at my own.
1605
01:34:07,000 --> 01:34:11,125
And maybe if I did, I'd finally see
what's right in front of me,
1606
01:34:11,708 --> 01:34:14,083
and perhaps
the ending to my story could be…
1607
01:34:14,833 --> 01:34:15,666
Um…
1608
01:35:24,666 --> 01:35:25,541
Who is it?
1609
01:35:32,541 --> 01:35:34,125
It's the Mormons.
1610
01:35:34,208 --> 01:35:37,166
For the last time,
we're not converting!
1611
01:37:18,708 --> 01:37:20,500
So, what do we do now?
1612
01:37:22,708 --> 01:37:25,208
Kiss her, you idiot!
1613
01:37:52,708 --> 01:37:57,625
So, yeah. I thought I'd flown
3,000 miles to see how my story ended.
1614
01:38:00,208 --> 01:38:04,083
And instead, I found out how it begins.
1615
01:38:15,708 --> 01:38:18,833
- Come over. Yeah, yeah.
- Okay, this is not mine. This is Josh.
1616
01:38:18,916 --> 01:38:19,750
Owen! Owen!
1617
01:38:21,625 --> 01:38:23,833
You two, time for presents!
1618
01:38:24,583 --> 01:38:25,666
I gotta warn you,
1619
01:38:25,750 --> 01:38:28,625
my family is pretty intense
when it comes to Christmas presents.
1620
01:38:30,458 --> 01:38:32,041
You don't say.
1621
01:38:32,125 --> 01:38:34,291
'Cause that wires kinda goofy.
1622
01:38:35,208 --> 01:38:36,541
Hey, you two.
1623
01:38:36,625 --> 01:38:38,791
Quick question. What's a dick pic?
1624
01:38:38,875 --> 01:38:39,958
- Um…
- Ew!
1625
01:38:40,041 --> 01:38:41,125
Grandma, why...
1626
01:38:41,208 --> 01:38:43,500
You want to take this one maybe?