1
00:00:06,215 --> 00:00:07,975
I thought
he got evicted.
2
00:00:08,008 --> 00:00:09,069
- Did you want two more?
- I want something else.
3
00:00:09,093 --> 00:00:10,511
Ooh,
I'll have one of those.
4
00:00:33,117 --> 00:00:35,035
Russell, is this
the finale already?
5
00:00:35,119 --> 00:00:37,705
- Yep.
- But there was supposed
to be another act.
6
00:00:37,788 --> 00:00:40,124
- What happened to Lidia?
- Lidia moved back to Ohio.
7
00:00:40,207 --> 00:00:41,500
In the last hour?
8
00:00:41,584 --> 00:00:43,002
Life's full of surprises.
9
00:00:43,085 --> 00:00:44,378
She left her snake.
10
00:00:44,462 --> 00:00:46,213
And her dog.
11
00:00:46,297 --> 00:00:48,174
Never mind.
12
00:00:50,926 --> 00:00:52,595
Ow!
13
00:01:14,617 --> 00:01:15,701
The curtain's stuck.
14
00:01:15,785 --> 00:01:17,828
- It happens.
- Yes, but what should we do?
15
00:01:17,912 --> 00:01:20,164
Hey. I separate nuts and bolts.
16
00:01:20,247 --> 00:01:22,666
See? I put nuts with the nuts
and bolts with the bolts.
17
00:01:22,750 --> 00:01:24,630
You are a stripper
who doesn't take anything off
18
00:01:24,668 --> 00:01:26,062
and just stands there
yelling at people.
19
00:01:26,086 --> 00:01:27,147
This is neither of our problems.
20
00:01:27,171 --> 00:01:29,089
Okay, that's not what...
21
00:01:29,173 --> 00:01:30,800
Never mind.
22
00:01:48,400 --> 00:01:52,112
Well, that's the end of the...
show.
23
00:01:52,196 --> 00:01:55,491
I hope it's been an evening
you will never...
24
00:01:55,574 --> 00:01:57,701
ever forget.
25
00:01:57,785 --> 00:01:59,620
You've been a great audience.
26
00:01:59,703 --> 00:02:01,205
Please get home safe...
27
00:02:01,288 --> 00:02:03,165
and tip the...
28
00:02:03,249 --> 00:02:04,667
tip the waitresses!
29
00:02:04,750 --> 00:02:06,001
They're armed!
30
00:02:06,085 --> 00:02:07,795
Thank you and...
31
00:02:07,878 --> 00:02:09,338
good... Really?
32
00:02:14,718 --> 00:02:16,446
Charlie, you guys
are supposed to play softer
33
00:02:16,470 --> 00:02:17,721
when I talk, remember?
34
00:02:17,805 --> 00:02:19,032
I never know
when you're gonna talk.
35
00:02:19,056 --> 00:02:20,850
Basically,
any time I come out here,
36
00:02:20,933 --> 00:02:21,851
I'm gonna talk.
37
00:02:21,934 --> 00:02:23,227
It's your funeral.
38
00:02:23,310 --> 00:02:25,020
Lipstick.
39
00:02:32,027 --> 00:02:35,030
Boise, we still got a couple
of kinks to work out here.
40
00:02:35,114 --> 00:02:37,408
- Oh, yeah? Like what?
- Well, the curtain stayed up,
41
00:02:37,491 --> 00:02:39,331
the spot never hit me,
the band played too loud
42
00:02:39,368 --> 00:02:40,870
while I was talking,
my mic cut out.
43
00:02:40,953 --> 00:02:42,681
- You want to write this down?
- No, I do not.
44
00:02:42,705 --> 00:02:44,665
This is looking like
a half-assed burlesque show.
45
00:02:44,748 --> 00:02:46,166
It is a half-assed
burlesque show.
46
00:02:46,250 --> 00:02:47,877
- Boise...
- Let's see how tomorrow goes.
47
00:02:47,960 --> 00:02:50,087
- You keep saying that.
- Well, I'm a hopeful guy.
48
00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:51,589
Come on.
These are not hard fixes.
49
00:02:51,672 --> 00:02:53,733
If we had a sound check,
we'd know if the mic is working.
50
00:02:53,757 --> 00:02:56,343
Mic works. The sound guy just
wasn't behind the board yet.
51
00:02:56,427 --> 00:02:59,227
- And the curtain and...
- Same guy who runs the board
runs the curtain.
52
00:02:59,263 --> 00:03:00,866
Maybe we could get a different
guy to run the curtain.
53
00:03:00,890 --> 00:03:02,975
What am I, the WPA?
A fucking chicken in every pot?
54
00:03:03,058 --> 00:03:04,898
You think I got
the kind of money to hire a guy
55
00:03:04,977 --> 00:03:06,604
just to run the curtain?
56
00:03:06,687 --> 00:03:08,022
What's he do?
57
00:03:08,105 --> 00:03:09,356
Huh.
58
00:03:09,440 --> 00:03:11,483
Congratulations!
You're the new curtain guy!
59
00:03:11,567 --> 00:03:12,985
Now, about the finale.
60
00:03:13,068 --> 00:03:15,613
Do you gals have any idea
what you're doing out there?
61
00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:17,340
- What do you mean?
- When you came out onstage,
62
00:03:17,364 --> 00:03:18,741
some of you looked confused.
63
00:03:18,824 --> 00:03:20,367
- Tilly?
- I just follow her.
64
00:03:20,451 --> 00:03:22,369
We should do the finale earlier
in the show.
65
00:03:22,453 --> 00:03:23,662
We're tired by then.
66
00:03:23,746 --> 00:03:25,456
Or some rehearsal might help.
67
00:03:25,539 --> 00:03:27,726
Unless the crashing into
each other is a creative choice.
68
00:03:27,750 --> 00:03:29,084
No, that just happens.
69
00:03:29,168 --> 00:03:30,336
And you...
70
00:03:30,419 --> 00:03:31,879
- Are you in your bra?
- Yeah.
71
00:03:31,962 --> 00:03:33,562
- Why?
- Well, I can't go out there
naked.
72
00:03:33,589 --> 00:03:35,174
- There's laws.
- Where's your costume?
73
00:03:35,257 --> 00:03:36,675
Oh, the strap broke.
I can't fix it,
74
00:03:36,759 --> 00:03:38,177
and Dribbles ate my pasty.
75
00:03:38,260 --> 00:03:40,012
Get me your costume.
I'll have Zelda fix it.
76
00:03:40,095 --> 00:03:42,295
- Who's Zelda?
- I think she's the one
who wears balloons
77
00:03:42,348 --> 00:03:43,682
and pops 'em with her nails.
78
00:03:43,766 --> 00:03:45,392
Shit. More competition.
79
00:03:45,476 --> 00:03:47,561
Hey,
it's movie night tonight!
80
00:03:47,645 --> 00:03:50,397
Oh, I love movie night.
81
00:03:50,481 --> 00:03:51,961
You gonna stay for movie night,
Midge?
82
00:03:52,024 --> 00:03:53,692
Can't tonight.
I'm late for something.
83
00:03:53,776 --> 00:03:55,319
Next time. I promise.
84
00:03:55,402 --> 00:03:57,571
All of this has to get better!
85
00:03:57,655 --> 00:03:59,990
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!
86
00:04:00,074 --> 00:04:01,200
- Boise.
- I hear you.
87
00:04:01,283 --> 00:04:03,869
They hear you.
Everyone hears you!
88
00:04:09,959 --> 00:04:11,293
To new friends.
89
00:04:11,377 --> 00:04:12,670
And the booze they bring.
90
00:04:15,714 --> 00:04:17,257
Mmm. Perfect.
91
00:04:17,341 --> 00:04:19,551
- I'm really glad
we finally did this.
- Me too.
92
00:04:19,635 --> 00:04:20,654
I've been pulling
all the late shifts
93
00:04:20,678 --> 00:04:21,595
at the hospital this month.
94
00:04:21,679 --> 00:04:23,681
The other doctors have families,
so...
95
00:04:23,764 --> 00:04:25,044
Don't worry. I like eating late.
96
00:04:25,099 --> 00:04:26,141
Comes with the microphone.
97
00:04:26,225 --> 00:04:27,142
It's very Spanish.
98
00:04:27,226 --> 00:04:28,519
- The microphone?
- Eating late.
99
00:04:28,602 --> 00:04:29,853
I lived there for a year.
100
00:04:29,937 --> 00:04:31,939
They don't sit down till 10:00.
Even the kids.
101
00:04:32,022 --> 00:04:33,917
- It's very different.
- Oh, you got to live in Spain?
102
00:04:33,941 --> 00:04:34,858
Was it amazing?
103
00:04:34,942 --> 00:04:36,527
And delicious. The steak...
104
00:04:36,610 --> 00:04:38,004
I was supposed to go this year.
For work.
105
00:04:38,028 --> 00:04:39,947
But it fell through.
Some other time.
106
00:04:40,030 --> 00:04:42,157
Spain.
107
00:04:42,241 --> 00:04:46,078
So, how long have you lived
on el Lado Superior Oeste?
108
00:04:46,161 --> 00:04:46,996
Hmm?
109
00:04:47,079 --> 00:04:48,664
The Upper West Side. Spanish.
110
00:04:48,747 --> 00:04:50,958
Got it. Well, I was born
on the Upper West Side.
111
00:04:51,041 --> 00:04:53,293
I actually live in
the same building I grew up in.
112
00:04:53,377 --> 00:04:54,712
Eso es increíble.
113
00:04:54,795 --> 00:04:56,338
That's... good?
114
00:04:56,422 --> 00:04:58,090
- Sí.
- I could tell by the smile
115
00:04:58,173 --> 00:04:59,734
and the fact that you didn't use
the word "cancer."
116
00:04:59,758 --> 00:05:00,986
Though you're a doctor,
so "cancer" could be
117
00:05:01,010 --> 00:05:02,094
your pickup line.
118
00:05:02,177 --> 00:05:04,430
Eres
una dama divertida.
119
00:05:04,513 --> 00:05:06,348
You're very good.
120
00:05:06,432 --> 00:05:08,350
- Gracias.
- Ah, timing.
121
00:05:08,434 --> 00:05:09,768
Fill 'er up, please.
122
00:05:09,852 --> 00:05:11,562
- And I think we're
ready to order.
- Okay.
123
00:05:11,645 --> 00:05:13,480
Uh, We'll both have a
filete meio rara,
124
00:05:13,564 --> 00:05:16,650
y una guarnicion de espinacas.
125
00:05:16,734 --> 00:05:19,278
That's a medium-rare steak
with a side of spinach.
126
00:05:19,361 --> 00:05:20,904
He lived in Spain.
127
00:05:20,988 --> 00:05:22,614
I'll be right back
with your drink.
128
00:05:23,699 --> 00:05:25,367
So, you're a comedian.
129
00:05:26,493 --> 00:05:30,080
Oh, that's English.
Sorry. Yes. I am a comedian.
130
00:05:30,164 --> 00:05:34,501
And where do you get
the ideas for your jokes?
131
00:05:36,628 --> 00:05:38,505
Will you excuse me a moment?
132
00:05:43,594 --> 00:05:45,429
I wore the wrong hat.
133
00:05:45,512 --> 00:05:49,933
Jamon iberico de bellota
el mejor del mundo.
134
00:05:50,017 --> 00:05:51,268
Do you like ham?
135
00:05:51,351 --> 00:05:52,519
No.
136
00:05:52,603 --> 00:05:56,565
No.
Spanish.
137
00:05:56,648 --> 00:05:58,400
You are funny.
138
00:05:59,693 --> 00:06:00,986
Have you ever seen a bullfight?
139
00:06:01,070 --> 00:06:02,821
- Miriam!
- Susie.
140
00:06:02,905 --> 00:06:04,907
- What are you doing here?
- Sorry to interrupt,
141
00:06:04,990 --> 00:06:06,784
- but your kid is very sick.
- Oh, no.
142
00:06:06,867 --> 00:06:08,535
Yeah, he's throwing up
all over the place.
143
00:06:08,619 --> 00:06:10,472
Your rug's a total goner.
I think he needs a doctor.
144
00:06:10,496 --> 00:06:11,914
I am so sorry, Liam.
I have to go.
145
00:06:11,997 --> 00:06:14,458
- Well, should I come?
- No. He needs a doctor.
146
00:06:14,541 --> 00:06:17,103
- I am a doctor.
- Oh. Well, yeah, but probably
not the kind he needs.
147
00:06:17,127 --> 00:06:19,314
- I'm a pediatrician.
- He's an adult.
- She said he's five.
148
00:06:19,338 --> 00:06:21,149
Will you just come and check
on your goddamn kid?!
149
00:06:21,173 --> 00:06:22,674
Yes. I am so sorry
about this.
150
00:06:22,758 --> 00:06:25,469
Uh, we'll try it again.
Really. Call me.
151
00:06:54,289 --> 00:06:57,543
♪ We look cute when
we're dressed in shorts...
152
00:06:57,626 --> 00:06:59,270
You coulda told me
he was a fucking doctor.
153
00:06:59,294 --> 00:07:01,296
I know. I'm sorry.
154
00:07:01,380 --> 00:07:03,191
If I'd have known, I would've
said that the kid
155
00:07:03,215 --> 00:07:04,455
had been abducted or something.
156
00:07:04,508 --> 00:07:06,051
I promise to tell you next time.
157
00:07:06,135 --> 00:07:07,636
And what do we need a code for?
158
00:07:07,719 --> 00:07:09,906
All you have to do is call and
say, "I picked another loser,
159
00:07:09,930 --> 00:07:11,306
come the fuck down and save me."
160
00:07:11,390 --> 00:07:13,350
We need the code in case he
walks by and hears me.
161
00:07:13,433 --> 00:07:14,893
I don't want to hurt
his feelings.
162
00:07:14,977 --> 00:07:16,937
Well, all I know is this is the
third crappy date
163
00:07:17,020 --> 00:07:18,147
you've been on this month.
164
00:07:18,230 --> 00:07:20,232
You gotta kiss some frogs.
165
00:07:20,315 --> 00:07:21,775
You can't date civilians.
166
00:07:21,859 --> 00:07:23,878
- Well, who am I going to date?
- Someone in the business.
167
00:07:23,902 --> 00:07:25,571
I am not gonna date a comic.
168
00:07:25,654 --> 00:07:28,407
A comic? God, no. You fuck that
frog before you date a comic.
169
00:07:28,490 --> 00:07:31,535
- Then who?
- I don't know.
170
00:07:31,618 --> 00:07:32,828
How about a ventriloquist?
171
00:07:32,911 --> 00:07:34,551
Why the hell would I
date a ventriloquist?
172
00:07:34,621 --> 00:07:35,914
He goes around with a toy.
173
00:07:35,998 --> 00:07:37,433
You've got kids.
Seems like a slam dunk to me.
174
00:07:37,457 --> 00:07:38,457
You've gotta be kidding.
175
00:07:38,500 --> 00:07:39,727
At least he's bound to
have a personality.
176
00:07:39,751 --> 00:07:40,836
Two, actually.
177
00:07:40,919 --> 00:07:42,671
- A ventriloquist?
- Yes.
178
00:07:42,754 --> 00:07:44,107
A man who sits with a wooden
version of a tiny man
179
00:07:44,131 --> 00:07:45,048
on his lap and tries
to make it talk.
180
00:07:45,132 --> 00:07:46,276
That's who you want me to date?
181
00:07:46,300 --> 00:07:48,010
When I look at you,
I see ventriloquist.
182
00:07:51,013 --> 00:07:52,222
Hey, Susie...
183
00:07:52,306 --> 00:07:53,724
What, Miriam?
184
00:07:53,807 --> 00:07:57,436
- When was the last
relationship that you had?
- What?
185
00:07:57,519 --> 00:08:00,564
We always talk about me and my
relationships. What about you?
186
00:08:00,647 --> 00:08:01,791
I haven't seen you with anybody
187
00:08:01,815 --> 00:08:03,734
- since we've been together.
- So?
188
00:08:03,817 --> 00:08:06,612
- Just curious about your life.
- My life is you. That's it.
189
00:08:06,695 --> 00:08:08,947
Thinking about you.
Talking about you.
190
00:08:09,031 --> 00:08:11,742
Waiting for you, rescuing you
from bullshit dates.
191
00:08:11,825 --> 00:08:13,469
- I don't have time
for anything else.
- Yeah, but...
192
00:08:13,493 --> 00:08:15,204
As soon as I get you off my
fucking hands
193
00:08:15,287 --> 00:08:17,539
and make you a star, I can shove
you out on an iceberg
194
00:08:17,623 --> 00:08:19,208
and focus on something else.
195
00:08:19,291 --> 00:08:21,418
Fine.
196
00:08:23,587 --> 00:08:24,796
What?
197
00:08:26,798 --> 00:08:28,401
Maybe I've been hanging out
with you for too long,
198
00:08:28,425 --> 00:08:30,469
but I actually do think
you wore the wrong hat.
199
00:08:32,971 --> 00:08:35,599
Two years ago, you
directed Vertigo,
200
00:08:35,682 --> 00:08:38,518
Terrific film. Last year, it
was North By Northwest,
201
00:08:38,602 --> 00:08:40,479
which completely ruined my love
202
00:08:40,562 --> 00:08:42,064
of long walks through
cornfields.
203
00:08:42,147 --> 00:08:44,107
Mission accomplished.
204
00:08:44,191 --> 00:08:47,569
And now we have Psycho, which
I understand is very scary.
205
00:08:47,653 --> 00:08:49,571
So, let me ask you,
Mr. Hitchcock,
206
00:08:49,655 --> 00:08:51,490
because I'm curious:
what scares you?
207
00:08:51,573 --> 00:08:53,450
Hard-boiled eggs.
208
00:08:53,533 --> 00:08:56,203
Hard-boiled eggs.
I-I was not expecting that.
209
00:08:56,286 --> 00:08:59,373
I was thinking more
spiders, or ex-wives.
210
00:08:59,456 --> 00:09:01,458
I find them disgusting.
211
00:09:01,541 --> 00:09:04,878
Do you not find hard-boiled
eggs disgusting?
212
00:09:04,962 --> 00:09:07,631
I confess, I have not put
much thought into it.
213
00:09:07,714 --> 00:09:09,383
Well, you should...
214
00:09:14,346 --> 00:09:16,348
Ethan, if you
have to make pee-pee,
215
00:09:16,431 --> 00:09:18,850
just pee-pee and go back to bed.
216
00:09:18,934 --> 00:09:20,310
It's not Ethan.
217
00:09:20,394 --> 00:09:22,562
Papa, if you have to
make pee-pee,
218
00:09:22,646 --> 00:09:24,773
just pee-pee and go back to bed.
219
00:09:24,856 --> 00:09:26,817
I don't have to make pee-pee!
220
00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:29,736
Could I have a quick word
with you, please?
221
00:09:29,820 --> 00:09:31,446
Hold on.
222
00:09:33,615 --> 00:09:35,617
Ow.
223
00:09:36,827 --> 00:09:38,870
- What time is it?
- It's midnight.
224
00:09:38,954 --> 00:09:42,207
And Susie is blasting
that damn TV again.
225
00:09:42,291 --> 00:09:43,667
She's been having
trouble sleeping.
226
00:09:43,750 --> 00:09:45,502
The TV helps her relax.
227
00:09:45,585 --> 00:09:47,170
Has she tried sleeping pills?
228
00:09:47,254 --> 00:09:50,340
Your mother has a gallon jug
of them in the closet.
229
00:09:50,424 --> 00:09:52,301
She says they make her
loopy the next day.
230
00:09:52,384 --> 00:09:54,594
Same with your mother,
but who can tell?
231
00:09:54,678 --> 00:09:56,930
Who says my pills make me loopy?
232
00:09:57,014 --> 00:09:58,807
I was just saying to Miriam
233
00:09:58,890 --> 00:10:01,768
that Susie has stayed here
longer than expected.
234
00:10:01,852 --> 00:10:04,896
Her friend dying in her
apartment really threw her.
235
00:10:04,980 --> 00:10:08,567
I'm sorry, but when my close
friend Mordecai Glickman
236
00:10:08,650 --> 00:10:10,444
died playing squash,
237
00:10:10,527 --> 00:10:13,697
I was back on the squash court
at 6:00 the next morning.
238
00:10:13,780 --> 00:10:15,490
I forgot that it was
to play Mordecai,
239
00:10:15,574 --> 00:10:17,534
so it was all for naught,
but you get my point.
240
00:10:17,617 --> 00:10:19,870
Her time here does seem endless.
241
00:10:19,953 --> 00:10:22,122
And I told Asher
he could bunk here.
242
00:10:22,205 --> 00:10:25,167
Should I steer him to
some godforsaken motel?
243
00:10:25,250 --> 00:10:28,170
There's room for Asher. It'll
be tight, but we'll get by.
244
00:10:28,253 --> 00:10:30,005
Can I get anyone anything?
245
00:10:30,088 --> 00:10:32,799
Zelda, it's so late.
Why are you here?
246
00:10:32,883 --> 00:10:35,093
Miss Susie is using
a plate and a glass,
247
00:10:35,177 --> 00:10:37,387
so I stayed late
so I can wash them.
248
00:10:37,471 --> 00:10:38,990
Zelda, I'll wash Susie's
plates when she's done.
249
00:10:39,014 --> 00:10:41,099
- But that's my job,
Miss Miriam.
- It doesn't matter.
250
00:10:41,183 --> 00:10:43,560
So I should go to
the comedy buildings
251
00:10:43,643 --> 00:10:46,563
and make with the jokes...
because it doesn't matter?
252
00:10:46,688 --> 00:10:48,690
Is the TV too loud?
253
00:10:48,774 --> 00:10:51,318
What TV? I didn't hear
the TV. Was it on?
254
00:10:51,401 --> 00:10:53,695
- I can turn it down.
- You don't need to turn it
down.
255
00:10:53,779 --> 00:10:56,114
I'm gonna find my own place
any day, I promise.
256
00:10:56,198 --> 00:10:58,575
Stay as long as you like,
Susie. Really.
257
00:10:58,658 --> 00:11:02,371
Yes, yes, the invitation
is open-ended.
258
00:11:02,454 --> 00:11:04,081
Good night, Susie.
259
00:11:04,164 --> 00:11:07,542
- See you in the morning.
- Yeah.
260
00:11:07,626 --> 00:11:09,878
What are you still doing here?
261
00:11:16,593 --> 00:11:18,220
- Excuse me, Abe?
- Yeah.
262
00:11:18,303 --> 00:11:19,554
There's a guy here.
263
00:11:19,638 --> 00:11:21,115
He's been sitting in the hallway
for half an hour.
264
00:11:21,139 --> 00:11:23,433
We finally asked, and he said
he was a friend of yours.
265
00:11:23,517 --> 00:11:25,435
- Of mine?
- Then he said, "Check that.
266
00:11:25,519 --> 00:11:27,497
Abe and I used to be friends,
because a friend doesn't
267
00:11:27,521 --> 00:11:29,272
stab a friend in the back
with a rusty knife
268
00:11:29,356 --> 00:11:31,167
dipped in arsenic, then wrap
a guitar string..."
269
00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:33,902
I got it. Thank you, Isobel.
270
00:11:38,365 --> 00:11:41,368
- Asher.
- Abe. Hello.
271
00:11:41,451 --> 00:11:43,120
Why didn't you come get me?
272
00:11:43,203 --> 00:11:45,403
I could see you were busy
typing... it looked important.
273
00:11:45,455 --> 00:11:48,208
Maybe you were tattling
on a sick relative
274
00:11:48,291 --> 00:11:51,336
or ratting out your son
for stealing a Necco Wafer
275
00:11:51,420 --> 00:11:52,754
when he was 12.
276
00:11:52,838 --> 00:11:54,214
Moving on.
277
00:11:54,297 --> 00:11:56,425
I have us all set up
with Michael Kessler
278
00:11:56,508 --> 00:11:58,927
to deal with the FBI,
so feel at ease.
279
00:11:59,010 --> 00:12:01,346
He's a great attorney.
Best in the business.
280
00:12:01,430 --> 00:12:03,640
Sacco and Vanzetti had
the best in the business, too.
281
00:12:03,723 --> 00:12:05,225
Must have been a great comfort
282
00:12:05,308 --> 00:12:06,768
as they sat
in their electric chairs
283
00:12:06,852 --> 00:12:08,812
listening to their brains melt.
284
00:12:08,895 --> 00:12:11,189
I'm almost done here.
Come sit with me.
285
00:12:11,273 --> 00:12:13,108
- I don't want to bother you.
- You want to
286
00:12:13,191 --> 00:12:15,819
walk around the Village
a bit? Get some souvenirs?
287
00:12:15,902 --> 00:12:17,863
I stepped on a spent condom
coming in here,
288
00:12:17,946 --> 00:12:19,781
so I'm all set for souvenirs.
289
00:12:19,865 --> 00:12:22,742
Yes, good. Okay.
I'll be right out.
290
00:12:22,826 --> 00:12:24,327
Don't rush.
291
00:12:26,746 --> 00:12:28,999
Swear I had coffee cups
when I left the factory.
292
00:12:29,082 --> 00:12:31,001
- Just use a bowl.
- I don't have bowls.
293
00:12:31,084 --> 00:12:33,044
You don't have bowls?
Don't you eat soup?
294
00:12:33,128 --> 00:12:35,338
I don't trust soup.
It tells you it's food,
295
00:12:35,422 --> 00:12:36,899
but you eat it,
and you're never full.
296
00:12:36,923 --> 00:12:39,342
Feels like a scam.
297
00:12:39,426 --> 00:12:40,927
Hello?
298
00:12:41,011 --> 00:12:42,762
- Hello, Joely.
- Hi, Ma.
299
00:12:42,846 --> 00:12:45,265
- It's your mother, Shirley.
- I know, Ma.
300
00:12:45,348 --> 00:12:46,868
- What can I do for you?
- Oh, nothing.
301
00:12:46,892 --> 00:12:48,619
I was just checking in.
How's your new apartment?
302
00:12:48,643 --> 00:12:51,188
- It's great.
- So you don't miss us at all?
303
00:12:51,271 --> 00:12:52,606
What do you need, Ma?
304
00:12:52,689 --> 00:12:54,792
I was just wondering where
you're gonna be on Friday night.
305
00:12:54,816 --> 00:12:56,419
- I'll be at the club.
- You're sure?
306
00:12:56,443 --> 00:12:57,360
- I'm sure.
- Around 8:00?
307
00:12:57,444 --> 00:12:59,446
- Why, Ma?
- No reason.
308
00:12:59,529 --> 00:13:01,198
- Is your blue suit pressed?
- Why, Ma?
309
00:13:01,281 --> 00:13:03,241
Because you look very nice
in your blue suit.
310
00:13:03,325 --> 00:13:05,410
- Thank you, but...
- Well, it was nice catching up.
311
00:13:05,494 --> 00:13:08,163
Remember, wear your blue suit
Friday night. I love you.
312
00:13:08,246 --> 00:13:11,166
- And your room is here
when you want it.
- Ma?
313
00:13:11,249 --> 00:13:12,477
Wait, Ma.
314
00:13:12,501 --> 00:13:14,252
So, when this soup
tells you it's food,
315
00:13:14,336 --> 00:13:17,088
does it speak or spell it out
in little alphabet letters or...
316
00:13:17,172 --> 00:13:19,591
I think it's time
for you to meet my parents.
317
00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:22,260
- Did you hear me?
- Nope.
318
00:13:22,344 --> 00:13:23,821
I put them off
for as long as I could,
319
00:13:23,845 --> 00:13:25,597
- but we are out of time.
- Nope.
320
00:13:25,680 --> 00:13:27,641
- We have no choice.
- Nope.
321
00:13:27,724 --> 00:13:29,351
- Mei.
- Are you insane?
322
00:13:29,434 --> 00:13:32,020
- I know it'll be awkward.
- It'll be a disaster!
323
00:13:32,103 --> 00:13:34,147
Joel. I mean...
324
00:13:34,231 --> 00:13:35,690
They won't care
that you're short.
325
00:13:35,774 --> 00:13:38,276
But they will care that I look
like their dry cleaner.
326
00:13:38,360 --> 00:13:40,612
You're in luck. My mother
does not use a dry cleaner.
327
00:13:40,695 --> 00:13:43,114
Are you aware of all
the colorfully descriptive words
328
00:13:43,198 --> 00:13:45,051
- that'll come to their minds
when they see me?
- No.
329
00:13:45,075 --> 00:13:46,677
- You want me
to rattle them off?
- No, thanks.
330
00:13:46,701 --> 00:13:48,203
I'll just write them down.
331
00:13:48,286 --> 00:13:50,038
I've heard these terms
my entire life,
332
00:13:50,121 --> 00:13:51,831
so the list
will be comprehensive.
333
00:13:51,915 --> 00:13:52,915
This is not helping.
334
00:13:52,958 --> 00:13:54,292
Mei.
335
00:13:54,376 --> 00:13:55,919
- Mei.
- Hold on.
336
00:13:57,420 --> 00:13:59,464
Okay. You made your point.
337
00:13:59,548 --> 00:14:01,049
You think I'm an idiot?
338
00:14:01,132 --> 00:14:03,012
I know that there's
a lot of ugly shit out there
339
00:14:03,051 --> 00:14:05,136
that people...
Oh, now, that one, you made up.
340
00:14:05,220 --> 00:14:06,660
That was my nickname
in kindergarten.
341
00:14:06,721 --> 00:14:08,640
Look, I know my parents.
342
00:14:08,723 --> 00:14:11,101
You being Chinese...
Yes, it will be a surprise.
343
00:14:11,184 --> 00:14:13,562
But trust me, it will not
be their biggest problem.
344
00:14:13,645 --> 00:14:15,021
- No?
- You not being Jewish,
345
00:14:15,105 --> 00:14:16,290
that's gonna wake the neighbors.
346
00:14:16,314 --> 00:14:18,191
Right. They don't want you
with a gentile.
347
00:14:18,275 --> 00:14:20,402
And a Chinese girl
is like a double gentile.
348
00:14:20,485 --> 00:14:22,237
Triple gentile. More.
349
00:14:22,320 --> 00:14:24,549
Basically, you're walking in
with the Lawrence Welk singers.
350
00:14:24,573 --> 00:14:27,200
Well, what's the alternative,
huh? We're together.
351
00:14:27,284 --> 00:14:29,578
They have to find out.
Your parents know.
352
00:14:29,661 --> 00:14:31,288
Yes, they do.
353
00:14:31,371 --> 00:14:33,707
Would you like to know all
the colorfully descriptive words
354
00:14:33,790 --> 00:14:35,309
that came to their minds
when they found out?
355
00:14:35,333 --> 00:14:36,960
I'll just write 'em down.
356
00:14:37,043 --> 00:14:38,712
I'm gonna need a lot more paper.
357
00:14:38,795 --> 00:14:40,714
Do you understand
what's happening here?
358
00:14:40,797 --> 00:14:43,091
My mother's sending girls
to my workplace.
359
00:14:43,174 --> 00:14:44,509
One's coming Friday,
360
00:14:44,593 --> 00:14:46,473
and I have no proof
she's not sending the rabbi.
361
00:14:46,511 --> 00:14:48,698
Well, he's not much of a rabbi
if he's working on Friday.
362
00:14:48,722 --> 00:14:50,223
She won't stop till I'm married.
363
00:14:50,307 --> 00:14:51,492
I'm okay with being a mistress.
364
00:14:51,516 --> 00:14:53,035
- Well, I'm not.
- You were with Midge.
365
00:14:53,059 --> 00:14:54,603
Hey.
366
00:14:54,686 --> 00:14:56,021
- Sorry.
- What the fuck?
367
00:14:56,104 --> 00:14:58,523
I know. I'm sorry. I am. But...
368
00:15:00,108 --> 00:15:02,027
I can't.
369
00:15:02,110 --> 00:15:04,904
- I just can't.
- Mei.
370
00:15:06,114 --> 00:15:07,866
Mei.
371
00:15:07,949 --> 00:15:10,368
We have to discuss this.
372
00:15:10,452 --> 00:15:11,578
Mei?
373
00:15:12,662 --> 00:15:14,581
You can't just run.
374
00:15:14,664 --> 00:15:16,458
- I know where you live.
- No, you don't.
375
00:15:16,541 --> 00:15:19,127
No, I don't. Fuck me.
376
00:15:20,754 --> 00:15:22,464
But what's funny is...
377
00:15:22,547 --> 00:15:24,966
- Get this, get this.
- Yeah, this is fucking great.
378
00:15:25,050 --> 00:15:27,594
Come on, all you told me
is you cut some guy's balls off.
379
00:15:27,677 --> 00:15:29,554
Right, right. We cut them off.
380
00:15:29,638 --> 00:15:31,556
But we stuffed them
into the other guy's mouth.
381
00:15:31,640 --> 00:15:33,141
And the other guy's balls
382
00:15:33,224 --> 00:15:35,393
- got stuffed
into the first guy's mouth.
- Yeah.
383
00:15:35,477 --> 00:15:37,228
Yeah, when you cut off
a guy's balls,
384
00:15:37,312 --> 00:15:39,022
you're supposed to stuff them
in the mouth
385
00:15:39,105 --> 00:15:40,815
of the guy
the fucking balls belong to.
386
00:15:40,899 --> 00:15:43,526
So we were like, "What do we do?
Switch them back?"
387
00:15:43,610 --> 00:15:46,112
How do you do that? I mean,
rigor mortis was setting in.
388
00:15:46,196 --> 00:15:47,614
Their jaws were clenching tight.
389
00:15:47,697 --> 00:15:49,425
Yeah, yeah. So,
we were weighing our options.
390
00:15:49,449 --> 00:15:52,160
Then we heard sirens,
so we decided to split.
391
00:15:52,243 --> 00:15:53,304
I know
you make half this shit up,
392
00:15:53,328 --> 00:15:54,388
but it's still fucking great.
393
00:15:54,412 --> 00:15:56,748
Yeah,
we really don't make things up.
394
00:15:56,831 --> 00:15:58,559
- Hey, can I get another Coke?
- Hey, get two.
395
00:15:58,583 --> 00:15:59,876
This is on us.
396
00:15:59,959 --> 00:16:02,128
Whatever you want.
We haven't seen you in forever.
397
00:16:02,212 --> 00:16:04,214
Mm, been too busy
licking my wounds.
398
00:16:04,297 --> 00:16:06,508
Ah, Shy Baldwin.
He sings like an angel
399
00:16:06,591 --> 00:16:09,010
- but sounds like a douche.
- I don't want to talk about it.
400
00:16:09,094 --> 00:16:11,638
Well, he's Giancana's anyway,
so we can't touch him.
401
00:16:11,721 --> 00:16:13,449
Right now, I'm just focused
on finding a place to live.
402
00:16:13,473 --> 00:16:14,599
I'm crashing with Midge,
403
00:16:14,683 --> 00:16:16,559
but her family's
driving me nuts.
404
00:16:16,643 --> 00:16:18,603
- What's your price point?
- For an apartment?
405
00:16:18,687 --> 00:16:19,604
Well, be a stretch,
406
00:16:19,688 --> 00:16:20,998
but I could afford
a nickel a month.
407
00:16:21,022 --> 00:16:22,941
Know any apartments
going for a nickel a month?
408
00:16:24,025 --> 00:16:26,736
I, uh...
I think we could help you here.
409
00:16:26,820 --> 00:16:28,905
- Really? How?
- We know a place.
410
00:16:28,988 --> 00:16:31,032
- We'll take you later today.
- Great.
411
00:16:31,116 --> 00:16:32,551
- Thanks.
- And if it works out,
412
00:16:32,575 --> 00:16:34,953
we can write this lunch off
on our taxes.
413
00:16:35,036 --> 00:16:36,705
Taxes.
414
00:17:30,842 --> 00:17:32,844
Excuse me.
415
00:17:36,431 --> 00:17:38,349
Excuse me, sir?
416
00:17:38,433 --> 00:17:40,852
Hi. I was wondering...
417
00:17:44,439 --> 00:17:46,274
Excuse me. Excuse me.
418
00:17:46,357 --> 00:17:48,777
Hi. Sorry. I was just wondering
419
00:17:48,860 --> 00:17:51,255
- if perhaps you could help me
with something.
- Help you with what?
420
00:17:51,279 --> 00:17:54,365
Well, I am looking for a place,
a bar,
421
00:17:54,449 --> 00:17:57,786
where someone like me
but not me... a friend...
422
00:17:57,869 --> 00:18:00,997
Could maybe drink
with someone else like me.
423
00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:02,499
- What?
- You know,
424
00:18:02,582 --> 00:18:04,751
a place where a lady
could drink with another lady?
425
00:18:04,834 --> 00:18:06,419
I can't help you.
426
00:18:07,837 --> 00:18:10,215
Excuse me.
I am looking for a bar
427
00:18:10,298 --> 00:18:12,801
where women like me can drink
with other women like me.
428
00:18:12,884 --> 00:18:14,385
Or just women in general.
429
00:18:14,469 --> 00:18:15,905
They don't have to be like me.
They just have to be...
430
00:18:15,929 --> 00:18:17,055
- You're a cop.
- What?
431
00:18:17,138 --> 00:18:18,723
No, I'm not a cop.
432
00:18:18,807 --> 00:18:20,517
This is Dior!
433
00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:22,852
Excuse me. I am not a cop.
434
00:18:22,936 --> 00:18:24,938
I have a record.
435
00:18:26,105 --> 00:18:28,066
Hi. I'm not a cop.
I was just wondering...
436
00:18:28,149 --> 00:18:30,068
Hello. I am not a cop.
I was won...
437
00:18:30,151 --> 00:18:32,111
Hello. Not a cop.
I was just wondering...
438
00:18:32,195 --> 00:18:33,905
Hi. I'm not a cop. I'm not...
439
00:18:33,988 --> 00:18:35,657
Not a cop. I...
440
00:18:35,740 --> 00:18:37,909
I am not a cop.
441
00:18:44,165 --> 00:18:47,460
- So, you have a friend?
- I'm sorry?
442
00:18:47,544 --> 00:18:50,880
I believe you were making
an inquiry for a friend?
443
00:18:50,964 --> 00:18:53,049
Oh. Yes. I was.
444
00:18:53,132 --> 00:18:55,343
My friend. Yes.
I was just wondering
445
00:18:55,426 --> 00:18:56,695
- if maybe...
- I know two or three places
446
00:18:56,719 --> 00:18:58,012
you might be looking for.
447
00:18:58,096 --> 00:19:01,015
You do? Oh,
that would be wonderful.
448
00:19:01,099 --> 00:19:03,351
And I assume there is no friend.
449
00:19:03,434 --> 00:19:05,228
No, there is a friend. Really.
450
00:19:05,311 --> 00:19:06,229
If you insist.
451
00:19:06,312 --> 00:19:07,647
I do. She is.
452
00:19:07,730 --> 00:19:10,775
Okay. And this friend,
i-is she like you?
453
00:19:10,859 --> 00:19:11,860
- Me?
- Yeah.
454
00:19:11,943 --> 00:19:14,028
Well, anatomically.
455
00:19:14,112 --> 00:19:15,029
Does she dress like you?
456
00:19:15,113 --> 00:19:16,865
Like me? Oh, no.
457
00:19:16,948 --> 00:19:18,491
No, no, no, no, no, no.
458
00:19:18,575 --> 00:19:20,702
She definitely does not.
459
00:19:21,786 --> 00:19:23,621
Sorry. I was just picturing her
460
00:19:23,705 --> 00:19:27,375
in my kumquat daisy dress
with reverse pattern hat.
461
00:19:27,458 --> 00:19:29,460
It's good.
462
00:19:30,628 --> 00:19:32,964
Oh, God, the corset.
463
00:19:33,047 --> 00:19:34,591
So it's not a very good friend.
464
00:19:34,674 --> 00:19:35,967
No, it is.
465
00:19:36,050 --> 00:19:38,136
Sorry.
Mm.
466
00:19:38,219 --> 00:19:39,762
Sorry. I'm back.
467
00:19:39,846 --> 00:19:41,347
- I missed you.
- You were saying?
468
00:19:41,431 --> 00:19:43,433
There's this new place.
It just opened.
469
00:19:43,516 --> 00:19:45,435
I hear it's very welcoming
470
00:19:45,518 --> 00:19:47,312
to a mixture
of different attires.
471
00:19:47,395 --> 00:19:49,397
- It's right on...
- Wait.
472
00:19:51,399 --> 00:19:54,319
Go ahead. Oh, is it okay
if I write this down?
473
00:19:54,402 --> 00:19:57,363
You're gonna have to eat
that paper later.
474
00:19:57,447 --> 00:19:58,656
A joke.
475
00:19:58,740 --> 00:20:00,116
- It's right up...
- Wait.
476
00:20:00,199 --> 00:20:02,368
You're not a cop, are you?
477
00:20:02,452 --> 00:20:05,538
- This is Dior, too.
- Ooh.
478
00:20:05,622 --> 00:20:07,498
He's not there.
479
00:20:07,582 --> 00:20:09,375
He's there. Give him time.
480
00:20:09,459 --> 00:20:11,711
So far I've heard six rings
and zero answers.
481
00:20:11,794 --> 00:20:13,074
Michael Kessler's
office.
482
00:20:13,129 --> 00:20:14,672
Oh, great,
they decided to pick up.
483
00:20:14,756 --> 00:20:16,966
- Pardon?
- Y-Yes, hello.
484
00:20:17,050 --> 00:20:18,551
Uh, can you hear me okay?
485
00:20:18,635 --> 00:20:19,969
I can hear you fine.
486
00:20:20,053 --> 00:20:23,348
It's Abe Weissman
and Asher Friedman for Michael.
487
00:20:23,431 --> 00:20:26,184
Yes, well, Michael
is just on his way back from...
488
00:20:26,267 --> 00:20:28,478
- What?
- This thing of yours
489
00:20:28,561 --> 00:20:30,164
- is not working.
- Could you repeat that?
490
00:20:30,188 --> 00:20:32,065
This thing of yours
is not working!
491
00:20:32,148 --> 00:20:33,608
Not you. Her.
492
00:20:33,691 --> 00:20:35,377
Michael is just coming
up the stairs. Hold, please.
493
00:20:35,401 --> 00:20:36,879
Oh, great,
now they've got us on hold.
494
00:20:36,903 --> 00:20:38,404
He's coming up the stairs.
495
00:20:38,488 --> 00:20:39,822
- Michael!
- What?
496
00:20:39,906 --> 00:20:42,116
Abe Friedman
is on the phone for you!
497
00:20:42,200 --> 00:20:44,035
She can't even get
the names right.
498
00:20:44,118 --> 00:20:46,579
- Shit.
Hold on, hold on. I'm coming.
- Oh, good.
499
00:20:46,663 --> 00:20:47,806
He sounds very professional.
500
00:20:47,830 --> 00:20:49,791
Is that a cat?
Does he have a cat?
501
00:20:49,874 --> 00:20:52,210
- Is he coming?
- Michael's coming.
Michael!
502
00:20:52,293 --> 00:20:54,712
I'm coming, geez!
Keep your pants on.
503
00:20:54,796 --> 00:20:56,589
How long
is this fucking staircase?
504
00:20:56,673 --> 00:20:57,840
Hello.
505
00:20:57,924 --> 00:20:59,550
Michael, it's Abe Weissman
506
00:20:59,634 --> 00:21:01,010
- and Asher Friedman.
- Right.
507
00:21:01,094 --> 00:21:02,679
- How are you?
- Peachy. How's your cat?
508
00:21:02,762 --> 00:21:05,223
- Good?
- Michael, last we spoke,
509
00:21:05,306 --> 00:21:06,557
you said you were going to talk
510
00:21:06,641 --> 00:21:08,685
to someone
at the FBI field office.
511
00:21:08,768 --> 00:21:10,353
Were you able to do that?
512
00:21:10,436 --> 00:21:11,956
Yeah, yeah, I did, and I had
513
00:21:11,980 --> 00:21:14,440
an incredibly productive
conversation with him.
514
00:21:14,524 --> 00:21:16,651
Abe, are you purposefully
trying to torture me?
515
00:21:16,734 --> 00:21:18,861
We didn't get that, Michael!
516
00:21:18,945 --> 00:21:20,863
- Oh, Jesus Christ.
- I was saying
517
00:21:20,947 --> 00:21:22,466
I spoke to the guy,
and I got good news.
518
00:21:22,490 --> 00:21:24,909
They have nothing on you.
Nothing.
519
00:21:24,993 --> 00:21:26,619
Some stuffed shirt
read your column
520
00:21:26,703 --> 00:21:28,639
and got his feathers ruffled
and kicked it down the chain,
521
00:21:28,663 --> 00:21:29,664
but it's going nowhere.
522
00:21:29,747 --> 00:21:30,790
- Really?
- Think about it.
523
00:21:30,873 --> 00:21:32,166
You broke
into a federal building
524
00:21:32,250 --> 00:21:33,251
one night. Minor.
525
00:21:33,334 --> 00:21:34,919
You lit a small fire. Bigger,
526
00:21:35,003 --> 00:21:36,879
but the damage was tiny,
and no one got hurt.
527
00:21:36,963 --> 00:21:38,603
The next year,
they tore the building down
528
00:21:38,631 --> 00:21:39,900
to build something new,
and everyone
529
00:21:39,924 --> 00:21:40,985
who would give a shit is dead.
530
00:21:41,009 --> 00:21:42,209
So this is a big, fat nothing.
531
00:21:42,260 --> 00:21:43,511
It's a big, fat nothing.
532
00:21:43,594 --> 00:21:45,572
They still want to meet
to get something on the record,
533
00:21:45,596 --> 00:21:47,890
but you don't even have to do it
at an FBI office.
534
00:21:47,974 --> 00:21:50,351
They'll come to you,
and it'll be over in a flash.
535
00:21:50,435 --> 00:21:51,728
Oh, my God.
536
00:21:51,811 --> 00:21:53,646
Over? As in "over," over?
537
00:21:53,730 --> 00:21:55,565
Over as in "forever."
538
00:21:55,648 --> 00:21:57,316
- It's gonna be over.
- Forever!
539
00:21:57,400 --> 00:21:59,068
Over forever!
I don't believe it!
540
00:21:59,152 --> 00:22:01,088
This is fantastic!
541
00:22:01,112 --> 00:22:02,989
I love this cat!
542
00:22:06,993 --> 00:22:08,637
Dorothy Parker
never forgave you.
543
00:22:08,661 --> 00:22:10,472
Oh, Dorothy Parker
never knew who I was.
544
00:22:10,496 --> 00:22:12,373
Dorothy Parker
had a crush on you, Asher.
545
00:22:12,457 --> 00:22:15,043
- You boasted about it.
- Well, she did follow me
546
00:22:15,126 --> 00:22:16,794
into the men's room
at the Algonquin once,
547
00:22:16,878 --> 00:22:18,755
but that was before
the incident with the hat.
548
00:22:18,838 --> 00:22:20,798
Asher was
a very good-looking young man.
549
00:22:20,882 --> 00:22:23,801
Sort of
a barrel-chested strongman type.
550
00:22:23,885 --> 00:22:25,803
I used to lift weights
with Johnny Weissmuller.
551
00:22:25,887 --> 00:22:27,638
Tarzan himself.
Is that meshuggeneh?
552
00:22:27,722 --> 00:22:28,722
Hey, don't hold out.
553
00:22:28,765 --> 00:22:30,308
What happened
to Dorothy Parker's hat?
554
00:22:30,391 --> 00:22:33,102
- I sat on it.
- Oh, dear.
555
00:22:33,186 --> 00:22:35,938
Second time at the round table,
I sat, I listened,
556
00:22:36,022 --> 00:22:37,273
they said clever things.
557
00:22:37,356 --> 00:22:38,733
An hour later, I stood,
558
00:22:38,816 --> 00:22:40,735
and the damn hat
is stuck to my ass.
559
00:22:40,818 --> 00:22:42,904
So, Dorothy sizes me up
560
00:22:42,987 --> 00:22:44,322
and says, "A poem.
561
00:22:44,405 --> 00:22:46,449
Today I entered with a hat
562
00:22:46,532 --> 00:22:49,243
And now it sits
where someone shat."
563
00:22:49,327 --> 00:22:51,913
Crazy, the things that happen,
564
00:22:51,996 --> 00:22:54,596
- that I've been through.
- How about our short,
unsuccessful stint
565
00:22:54,624 --> 00:22:56,000
as furniture movers, Asher?
566
00:22:56,084 --> 00:22:57,460
Oh. That piano.
567
00:22:57,543 --> 00:22:59,337
How we thought
we could move a piano.
568
00:22:59,420 --> 00:23:01,297
Up a flight of stairs.
A baby grand.
569
00:23:01,380 --> 00:23:02,840
- Oh, my God.
- I remember this.
570
00:23:02,924 --> 00:23:04,217
Two hours to get it up,
571
00:23:04,300 --> 00:23:06,385
ten seconds to watch it
tumble down the stairs
572
00:23:06,469 --> 00:23:07,887
and land on a squirrel
573
00:23:07,970 --> 00:23:09,555
- on Bank Street.
- Ooh.
- Oh, God.
574
00:23:09,639 --> 00:23:13,142
- What was that? Spring of '27?
- Uh, fall, I think.
575
00:23:13,226 --> 00:23:15,937
I was in the thick of my work
at Columbia.
576
00:23:16,020 --> 00:23:17,855
It may even have been late '26.
577
00:23:17,939 --> 00:23:19,357
No. No, it had to be '27,
578
00:23:19,440 --> 00:23:21,210
because that's when Rosie and I
were seeing each other.
579
00:23:21,234 --> 00:23:22,902
I'm sorry. One more time?
580
00:23:22,985 --> 00:23:24,105
More ancient history.
581
00:23:24,153 --> 00:23:25,506
She showed up
for our first date
582
00:23:25,530 --> 00:23:27,156
with that Louise Brooks haircut.
583
00:23:27,240 --> 00:23:28,616
Remember? With the bangs?
584
00:23:28,699 --> 00:23:29,784
- Unfortunately.
- Ah,
585
00:23:29,867 --> 00:23:31,452
I remember that haircut, too.
586
00:23:31,536 --> 00:23:33,037
I'm sorry, hold on.
587
00:23:33,121 --> 00:23:35,748
You two went out together?
And you had bangs?
588
00:23:35,832 --> 00:23:37,458
Oh, it was all so long ago.
589
00:23:37,542 --> 00:23:38,751
Where were you, Papa?
590
00:23:38,835 --> 00:23:40,795
I was dating Tarzan at the time.
591
00:23:40,878 --> 00:23:42,880
Wait. Wait, wait.
592
00:23:42,964 --> 00:23:44,590
Was this before you two
were together?
593
00:23:44,674 --> 00:23:46,509
- It was in between.
- In between?
594
00:23:46,592 --> 00:23:48,928
- You-you had an intermission?
- We broke up for a while.
595
00:23:49,011 --> 00:23:50,221
You did?
596
00:23:50,304 --> 00:23:52,140
I made a young man's mistake
597
00:23:52,223 --> 00:23:53,742
and told your mother
I couldn't see her
598
00:23:53,766 --> 00:23:56,269
because I needed to focus
on my PhD.
599
00:23:56,352 --> 00:23:58,432
Who could focus when you're
with the beautiful Rosie?
600
00:23:58,479 --> 00:23:59,772
Oh, stop.
601
00:23:59,856 --> 00:24:01,041
We went together,
what, one month?
602
00:24:01,065 --> 00:24:02,417
- Two months?
- Somewhere in there.
603
00:24:02,441 --> 00:24:03,442
And you knew?
604
00:24:03,526 --> 00:24:04,846
I had to tell him
20 times,
605
00:24:04,902 --> 00:24:06,279
but he finally seemed
to hear me.
606
00:24:06,362 --> 00:24:07,464
And by then,
I had gotten back together
607
00:24:07,488 --> 00:24:09,490
with Delores. Wife number one.
608
00:24:09,574 --> 00:24:11,576
I was not as lucky
as Abe and Rosie,
609
00:24:11,659 --> 00:24:13,929
- that's for sure.
- - I'll grab us another bottle of wine.
610
00:24:13,953 --> 00:24:15,305
- Mm.
- Then I want to hear more
611
00:24:15,329 --> 00:24:16,914
about that fling you had
with Tarzan.
612
00:24:16,998 --> 00:24:19,792
It was a crazy time, the '20s.
613
00:24:19,876 --> 00:24:21,294
Everyone went out with everyone.
614
00:24:21,377 --> 00:24:23,629
Carol went out with John,
who went out with Martha,
615
00:24:23,713 --> 00:24:26,275
- who went out with Abigail.
- No one could keep track.
616
00:24:26,299 --> 00:24:27,967
That's for sure.
617
00:24:28,050 --> 00:24:30,386
Who did Delores marry
after you, Asher?
618
00:24:30,469 --> 00:24:32,656
- John Barrymore.
- - I knew it was someone famous.
619
00:24:32,680 --> 00:24:34,680
- Really?
- - I went to their wedding.
620
00:24:34,724 --> 00:24:37,059
- I outdrank John.
- - What was that wedding like?
621
00:24:37,143 --> 00:24:38,769
Big. Expensive.
622
00:24:38,853 --> 00:24:40,956
And then they got divorced.
She married her obstetrician.
623
00:24:40,980 --> 00:24:42,481
Her obstetrician?
624
00:24:42,565 --> 00:24:45,026
Guess the man
liked what he saw.
625
00:24:45,109 --> 00:24:47,111
- Our last bottle.
- Mmm.
626
00:24:47,195 --> 00:24:49,947
Then we break into
Rose's sherry stash.
627
00:24:50,031 --> 00:24:52,909
You know, I-I just might
change my train ticket
628
00:24:52,992 --> 00:24:55,036
and stay another day or two
if that's okay.
629
00:24:55,119 --> 00:24:56,913
- Fine by me.
- Oh, please do, Asher.
630
00:24:56,996 --> 00:24:59,373
I'd love to visit some
of my places in the Village,
631
00:24:59,457 --> 00:25:00,833
hit my old haunts.
632
00:25:00,917 --> 00:25:03,211
- It's been a long time.
- It's changed some.
633
00:25:05,296 --> 00:25:06,756
This is the place?
634
00:25:06,839 --> 00:25:08,716
- This is the place.
- Big.
635
00:25:08,799 --> 00:25:10,676
- Big and airy.
- It needs a spruce.
636
00:25:10,760 --> 00:25:12,595
But try to look beyond the dirt.
637
00:25:12,678 --> 00:25:16,224
It's got nice northern exposure,
a classic view.
638
00:25:16,307 --> 00:25:18,684
Nine subway lines
right below us,
639
00:25:18,768 --> 00:25:20,561
so the commute's easy
from anywhere.
640
00:25:20,645 --> 00:25:22,104
Good people on this floor, too.
641
00:25:22,188 --> 00:25:24,065
When they see something,
they don't talk.
642
00:25:24,148 --> 00:25:26,275
But what is this place?
What was it before?
643
00:25:26,359 --> 00:25:28,527
Well, we used it
as a kind of house
644
00:25:28,611 --> 00:25:31,072
that one could feel,
uh, safe in.
645
00:25:31,155 --> 00:25:33,991
- So it was a safe house?
- Something like that.
646
00:25:34,075 --> 00:25:36,369
There's a giant blood stain
on the floor.
647
00:25:36,452 --> 00:25:39,205
- Wasn't so safe for that guy.
- A nice rug will cover that up.
648
00:25:39,288 --> 00:25:41,415
We think this place
would be perfect for you.
649
00:25:41,499 --> 00:25:43,501
Guys, I can't afford this.
650
00:25:43,584 --> 00:25:45,920
Hey, we're aware
of your financial predicament.
651
00:25:46,003 --> 00:25:48,631
It's sitting here empty,
collecting dust. Use it.
652
00:25:48,714 --> 00:25:51,259
I wouldn't know what to do
with this much space.
653
00:25:51,342 --> 00:25:53,111
I mean, there's only one of me,
and I'm never home.
654
00:25:53,135 --> 00:25:55,888
What? You get another desk,
add a settee,
655
00:25:55,972 --> 00:25:58,933
throw a Murphy bed
in the back room, maybe a plant.
656
00:25:59,016 --> 00:26:00,559
You get a nice table out here,
657
00:26:00,643 --> 00:26:02,144
you put out some coffee,
some Danish.
658
00:26:02,228 --> 00:26:04,981
You get your name
etched on the door.
659
00:26:05,064 --> 00:26:06,190
My name?
660
00:26:06,274 --> 00:26:08,526
Susie Myerson and Associates.
661
00:26:08,609 --> 00:26:11,779
Susie Myerson and Associates.
662
00:26:11,862 --> 00:26:13,340
It's the perfect
live-work combination.
663
00:26:13,364 --> 00:26:15,866
It's your chance to expand.
Start your business.
664
00:26:15,950 --> 00:26:17,785
Live here, work here.
665
00:26:17,868 --> 00:26:19,870
And start to make
some real money.
666
00:26:19,954 --> 00:26:22,540
And we can even delay charging
you rent or anything like that
667
00:26:22,623 --> 00:26:24,500
till you get settled
and got a cash flow.
668
00:26:24,583 --> 00:26:26,561
Just give us a little piece
of the action in return.
669
00:26:26,585 --> 00:26:28,087
Of Susie Myerson and Associates.
670
00:26:28,170 --> 00:26:29,714
Yeah, yeah.
671
00:26:29,797 --> 00:26:32,550
Does that sound okay?
You give us a taste?
672
00:26:32,633 --> 00:26:34,677
- Yeah, sure, whatever.
- Great.
673
00:26:34,760 --> 00:26:36,053
Everybody wins.
674
00:26:36,137 --> 00:26:38,973
Susie Myerson and Associates.
675
00:26:40,308 --> 00:26:42,226
I got a shit ton of work
to do on it,
676
00:26:42,310 --> 00:26:43,370
and I stopped counting the rats
677
00:26:43,394 --> 00:26:44,788
after it got
into the triple digits,
678
00:26:44,812 --> 00:26:47,273
but the elevator fucking works,
there is a bathroom,
679
00:26:47,356 --> 00:26:50,526
oh, and the view. Did I tell you
about the motherfucking view?
680
00:26:50,609 --> 00:26:52,486
Are these odds or evens?
681
00:26:52,570 --> 00:26:54,488
Oh, the view alone
says "big cheese."
682
00:26:54,572 --> 00:26:56,490
I'm only gonna take meetings
at night
683
00:26:56,574 --> 00:26:59,201
so that all potential clients
will walk in and see that view.
684
00:26:59,285 --> 00:27:01,162
- Did we pass it?
- And as they stand there
685
00:27:01,245 --> 00:27:03,473
and look at that view, I'll
walk up behind them and say...
686
00:27:03,497 --> 00:27:04,516
"You see that?
687
00:27:04,540 --> 00:27:06,375
Sign with me,
and it's all yours."
688
00:27:06,459 --> 00:27:07,894
I mean, I won't say it like that
689
00:27:07,918 --> 00:27:09,118
with an emphysemic pimp voice,
690
00:27:09,170 --> 00:27:11,505
- but just wait till you see it.
- Ah! Here it is.
691
00:27:11,589 --> 00:27:13,233
Fucking great view.
692
00:27:13,257 --> 00:27:14,818
Now, I have to install a phone
693
00:27:14,842 --> 00:27:16,594
and buy some office equipment.
694
00:27:16,677 --> 00:27:18,137
Gonna need a lot of pencils.
695
00:27:18,220 --> 00:27:19,489
Don't even know
what I'll use them for,
696
00:27:19,513 --> 00:27:21,273
but I'll have them,
and I'll keep them sharp.
697
00:27:21,349 --> 00:27:23,869
- Oh, table.
- Hey, maybe I should get
some of those paper clips.
698
00:27:23,893 --> 00:27:26,812
File covers for files.
There's gonna be a lot of files.
699
00:27:26,896 --> 00:27:28,522
Hey, I should get
my own typewriter.
700
00:27:28,606 --> 00:27:30,441
Maybe two typewriters.
That crazy?
701
00:27:30,524 --> 00:27:33,235
You know what? I'll start
with one, see how it goes.
702
00:27:33,319 --> 00:27:35,696
I am gonna type the shit
out of that typewriter.
703
00:27:35,780 --> 00:27:37,948
Whiskey neat. Two.
704
00:27:38,032 --> 00:27:39,232
Hey, should I get a secretary?
705
00:27:39,283 --> 00:27:41,243
Harry has three secretaries.
706
00:27:41,327 --> 00:27:42,554
That's when you know
you made it,
707
00:27:42,578 --> 00:27:44,458
when there're three dumpy broads
sitting outside
708
00:27:44,497 --> 00:27:45,849
your office
that know all your shit.
709
00:27:45,873 --> 00:27:48,000
- Let's get a drink.
- Done.
710
00:27:49,710 --> 00:27:51,712
I have to say, I'm...
711
00:27:51,796 --> 00:27:53,881
Okay, fuck it. I'm excited.
712
00:27:53,964 --> 00:27:56,384
There, I said it.
Eat me, I'm excited!
713
00:27:58,469 --> 00:28:00,469
Oh, it's our song.
714
00:28:05,226 --> 00:28:07,019
♪ I'm nobody...
715
00:28:07,103 --> 00:28:08,479
What is this?
716
00:28:08,562 --> 00:28:10,523
It's new.
717
00:28:10,606 --> 00:28:12,066
- Did you...
- What?
718
00:28:12,149 --> 00:28:13,859
Did you bring me
to a lesbian bar?
719
00:28:13,943 --> 00:28:15,528
Fun, huh?
720
00:28:15,611 --> 00:28:17,530
- What the fuck?
- What the fuck, what?
721
00:28:17,613 --> 00:28:20,032
I just said "eat me"
really loud.
722
00:28:20,116 --> 00:28:22,660
- Are you upset?
- Why would you do this?
723
00:28:22,743 --> 00:28:24,495
Well, I just thought I'd try.
724
00:28:24,578 --> 00:28:26,163
I mean, I-I...
It-it... I never know...
725
00:28:26,247 --> 00:28:27,957
You never talk about yourself.
726
00:28:28,040 --> 00:28:29,351
That's 'cause it's none
of your business.
727
00:28:29,375 --> 00:28:31,001
Yeah,
but we're together all the time,
728
00:28:31,085 --> 00:28:32,628
and I just thought I'd try...
729
00:28:32,711 --> 00:28:35,214
- I don't care.
- What?
730
00:28:35,297 --> 00:28:37,341
I just want you to know
I don't care.
731
00:28:37,425 --> 00:28:40,511
- You don't?
- No. I am totally comfortable
732
00:28:40,594 --> 00:28:43,556
with you being
whatever it is you want to be.
733
00:28:43,639 --> 00:28:45,933
Well, thank you very much
for your permission.
734
00:28:46,016 --> 00:28:48,018
- I didn't mean...
- May I go to the bathroom?
735
00:28:48,102 --> 00:28:50,396
Do I need a note from my mother
to get out of gym class?
736
00:28:50,479 --> 00:28:52,231
I just meant
you can tell me anything.
737
00:28:52,314 --> 00:28:53,774
Jesus Christ. Miriam.
738
00:28:53,858 --> 00:28:55,734
How did you even know
about this place?
739
00:28:55,818 --> 00:28:57,378
What, you hang out
on Christopher Street
740
00:28:57,403 --> 00:28:59,238
asking guys
with carnations in their lapels
741
00:28:59,321 --> 00:29:00,614
where to find a butch bar?
742
00:29:00,698 --> 00:29:03,033
No. I was...
743
00:29:03,117 --> 00:29:04,952
not that specific.
744
00:29:05,035 --> 00:29:06,263
What'd you think,
you'd bring me here,
745
00:29:06,287 --> 00:29:08,372
- I'd look around and just...
- dive in?
746
00:29:08,456 --> 00:29:09,748
I wanted to give you the option.
747
00:29:09,832 --> 00:29:11,208
I didn't have a plan.
748
00:29:11,292 --> 00:29:13,544
I just thought we'd hang out,
check out the scene.
749
00:29:13,627 --> 00:29:14,628
"The scene"?
750
00:29:14,712 --> 00:29:16,338
This is the Village.
I live here.
751
00:29:16,422 --> 00:29:18,150
You think I don't know
how to find a lesbian bar?
752
00:29:18,174 --> 00:29:20,176
There are three
within rock-throwing distance.
753
00:29:20,259 --> 00:29:21,760
Two doors down, there's guys
754
00:29:21,844 --> 00:29:23,804
sticking their fists
up each other's asses.
755
00:29:23,888 --> 00:29:25,931
This is my town.
I know everything.
756
00:29:26,015 --> 00:29:28,601
You are always alone. Always.
757
00:29:28,684 --> 00:29:30,060
So the fuck what?
758
00:29:30,144 --> 00:29:31,645
I don't want you to be alone.
759
00:29:31,729 --> 00:29:33,147
Let me worry about that.
760
00:29:33,230 --> 00:29:36,525
- I want you to be happy.
- Mm.
761
00:29:36,609 --> 00:29:38,569
Great. Pay for my drink.
762
00:29:38,652 --> 00:29:40,112
Susie.
763
00:29:40,196 --> 00:29:42,323
I am focused
on one thing right now.
764
00:29:42,406 --> 00:29:44,992
Susie Myerson and Associates.
That's it.
765
00:29:45,075 --> 00:29:46,715
Being your manager.
Not just your manager.
766
00:29:46,785 --> 00:29:50,414
Being a manager. The manager.
Do you understand?
767
00:29:50,498 --> 00:29:53,250
- Yeah, but...
- I got a fucking view!
768
00:29:57,046 --> 00:29:58,464
Fuck.
769
00:29:59,465 --> 00:30:01,091
I can't give
your money back.
770
00:30:01,175 --> 00:30:03,361
- I spent it.
And that's not magic.
- What can I get you?
771
00:30:03,385 --> 00:30:04,571
- It's commerce.
- No, I'm just here to...
772
00:30:04,595 --> 00:30:06,555
Hey!
773
00:30:06,639 --> 00:30:08,390
You're shooting fish
in a barrel!
774
00:30:08,474 --> 00:30:10,035
- Take it outside.
- Two out of three.
775
00:30:10,059 --> 00:30:12,686
Shut up. Welcome
to Susie Myerson and Associates.
776
00:30:12,770 --> 00:30:15,356
You'll love the view. Now move!
777
00:30:16,440 --> 00:30:18,067
Here you go, doll.
778
00:30:22,738 --> 00:30:24,490
Mitzi! You're up.
779
00:30:24,573 --> 00:30:26,575
Move your ass!
780
00:30:28,577 --> 00:30:29,828
- Hey!
- Yeah?
781
00:30:29,912 --> 00:30:30,996
You have to knock.
782
00:30:31,080 --> 00:30:32,248
- What?
- From now on.
783
00:30:32,331 --> 00:30:33,457
You can't just come in here,
784
00:30:33,541 --> 00:30:34,935
stick your face in,
stick anything in,
785
00:30:34,959 --> 00:30:36,269
before you knock.
786
00:30:36,293 --> 00:30:37,795
This dressing room
is for ladies only.
787
00:30:37,878 --> 00:30:40,089
You are a man. Right?
788
00:30:40,172 --> 00:30:43,217
- Yes. I'm a man.
- Men... knock.
789
00:30:43,300 --> 00:30:45,344
- But I run this place.
- You run the theater.
790
00:30:45,427 --> 00:30:47,739
We run the dressing room. Oh,
and people's asses are attached
791
00:30:47,763 --> 00:30:49,157
to the rest of their bodies.
So a simple,
792
00:30:49,181 --> 00:30:50,432
"Mitzi, you're up," will do.
793
00:30:50,516 --> 00:30:51,892
If she goes, her ass goes, too.
794
00:30:51,976 --> 00:30:53,811
- Got it? Great.
- Uh...
795
00:30:53,894 --> 00:30:55,604
Great, let's review. You, boy.
796
00:30:55,688 --> 00:30:57,189
Boys...
797
00:30:57,273 --> 00:30:59,358
- Knock.
- Trial run. Give it a shot.
798
00:31:01,569 --> 00:31:02,963
A little louder
if you want them to hear.
799
00:31:02,987 --> 00:31:04,154
But A for effort.
800
00:31:04,238 --> 00:31:05,823
- Okay?
- Okay.
801
00:31:05,906 --> 00:31:07,449
- Okay?
- Okay!
802
00:31:07,533 --> 00:31:08,927
Did she just call us
fucking ladies?
803
00:31:08,951 --> 00:31:09,994
Great. Bye.
804
00:31:28,762 --> 00:31:30,556
Susie, you missed it.
805
00:31:30,639 --> 00:31:32,516
I banned Boise
from the dressing room.
806
00:31:32,600 --> 00:31:34,184
There's a knock policy now.
807
00:31:34,268 --> 00:31:36,395
Boys knock
because girls have knockers.
808
00:31:36,478 --> 00:31:38,439
I know. Save it for the stage,
but you know.
809
00:31:38,522 --> 00:31:40,399
- Payday. Payday.
- What?
810
00:31:40,482 --> 00:31:42,359
Ah, geez, the both of you.
811
00:31:42,443 --> 00:31:44,504
- The day you reach
into your little cash box.
- Okay, okay.
812
00:31:44,528 --> 00:31:45,880
- And you hand me the money.
- I got it.
813
00:31:45,904 --> 00:31:47,239
- That you owe me.
- I'm doing it.
814
00:31:47,323 --> 00:31:48,866
- Top drawer. Right side.
- Mm-hmm.
815
00:31:48,949 --> 00:31:50,784
- I know where the box is.
- Under the keys.
816
00:31:50,868 --> 00:31:52,870
It's my drawer.
I know what's in my drawer.
817
00:31:54,872 --> 00:31:56,999
I bet you know what every one
of those is for, huh?
818
00:31:57,082 --> 00:31:59,335
You know, technically
I don't have to give you this
819
00:31:59,418 --> 00:32:01,258
until she's finished
her last set of the night,
820
00:32:01,295 --> 00:32:02,921
but I'm a prince, so...
821
00:32:03,005 --> 00:32:05,066
Well, pleasure doing business
with you, Your Highness.
822
00:32:06,550 --> 00:32:08,052
Will you just talk to me
for a minute?
823
00:32:08,135 --> 00:32:09,845
- I wanted to talk
to you about...
- Here.
824
00:32:09,928 --> 00:32:12,181
Thank you. Susie, please.
825
00:32:12,264 --> 00:32:13,682
Susie, stop.
826
00:32:13,766 --> 00:32:15,392
Susie, just...
827
00:32:17,269 --> 00:32:19,688
Shit.
828
00:32:19,772 --> 00:32:21,774
You're up, Maisel. Get your...
829
00:32:21,857 --> 00:32:24,234
Get it...
that thing behind you...
830
00:32:24,318 --> 00:32:26,320
Get...
831
00:32:41,835 --> 00:32:43,629
Oy!
832
00:32:43,712 --> 00:32:45,130
Oh. You gonna talk?
833
00:32:45,214 --> 00:32:47,341
Yeah. I figured, what the fuck?
834
00:32:50,219 --> 00:32:53,055
Let's have another hand
for Mitzi.
835
00:33:00,062 --> 00:33:01,939
Hey guys, I'm curious.
836
00:33:02,022 --> 00:33:04,566
How many of your wives
know you're here tonight?
837
00:33:04,650 --> 00:33:06,193
Whoa!
838
00:33:06,276 --> 00:33:08,028
Hmm?
839
00:33:08,112 --> 00:33:09,947
Little news for you.
840
00:33:10,030 --> 00:33:11,865
All of them.
841
00:33:11,949 --> 00:33:14,410
And how? Laundry.
842
00:33:14,493 --> 00:33:17,287
- Shh, shh, shh.
- Because laundry
is the diary of your day.
843
00:33:17,371 --> 00:33:19,748
One sniff of your shirt,
they can smell Lucy,
844
00:33:19,832 --> 00:33:22,042
your "loose-y" secretary.
845
00:33:22,126 --> 00:33:23,752
They can smell the horse track.
846
00:33:23,836 --> 00:33:26,630
The cigars with the boys.
The cigars with Lucy.
847
00:33:26,714 --> 00:33:30,134
And they can definitely
smell this place.
848
00:33:30,217 --> 00:33:32,594
Plus they go through your pants
and wallets at night
849
00:33:32,678 --> 00:33:33,971
while you're asleep.
850
00:33:34,054 --> 00:33:35,973
They know everything.
851
00:33:36,056 --> 00:33:38,600
They just pretend they don't.
And why?
852
00:33:38,684 --> 00:33:42,062
Because they've got
their own secret lives.
853
00:33:42,146 --> 00:33:45,065
Oh, you don't think
your wife has a life
854
00:33:45,149 --> 00:33:46,775
you don't know about?
855
00:33:46,859 --> 00:33:49,903
Your wife is home alone
all day long.
856
00:33:49,987 --> 00:33:52,698
You know who else is
around your house all day long?
857
00:33:52,781 --> 00:33:55,117
Milkmen, mailmen...
858
00:33:55,200 --> 00:33:57,077
handymen...
859
00:33:57,161 --> 00:33:59,163
salesmen.
860
00:33:59,246 --> 00:34:01,623
Do you know how many products
there are to sell out there?
861
00:34:01,707 --> 00:34:03,250
Any of you come home one day,
862
00:34:03,333 --> 00:34:05,294
and there's
a brand new vacuum cleaner?
863
00:34:05,377 --> 00:34:06,813
I mean, you had a perfectly
good one when you left
864
00:34:06,837 --> 00:34:09,840
in the morning but then,
ding dong, "Hi, I'm handsome."
865
00:34:11,049 --> 00:34:13,010
"Want to reach
those hard-to-reach spots?
866
00:34:13,093 --> 00:34:14,720
"I've got
an expandable attachment
867
00:34:14,803 --> 00:34:16,430
that you're gonna love."
868
00:34:16,513 --> 00:34:18,682
Hey, you think
I pay you to stand there?
869
00:34:18,766 --> 00:34:20,309
Customers, drinks, go.
870
00:34:20,392 --> 00:34:22,394
And you want her
to have that secret life.
871
00:34:22,478 --> 00:34:24,271
Trust me. 'Cause if she didn't,
872
00:34:24,354 --> 00:34:26,231
with all that
she knows about yours,
873
00:34:26,315 --> 00:34:28,567
she'd spend those lonely nights
sitting there thinking,
874
00:34:28,650 --> 00:34:30,253
"How long would I have
to hold this pillow
875
00:34:30,277 --> 00:34:32,154
over his face
before his breathing stops?"
876
00:34:32,237 --> 00:34:34,156
I can answer that, ladies.
877
00:34:34,239 --> 00:34:36,408
Three minutes.
Two and a half if he smokes.
878
00:34:38,076 --> 00:34:40,871
Now hold on
to your Great Gatsbys, guys,
879
00:34:40,954 --> 00:34:42,498
'cause here comes our salute
880
00:34:42,581 --> 00:34:44,625
to the Roaring '20s!
881
00:34:49,379 --> 00:34:52,007
- Heads up.
- Huh?
882
00:34:52,090 --> 00:34:54,676
Motherfucker!
883
00:34:57,095 --> 00:35:00,057
Boy, you're almost as funny
as the men comics.
884
00:35:00,140 --> 00:35:02,434
We're gonna work on that.
885
00:35:02,518 --> 00:35:04,520
Oh, shit!
886
00:35:06,021 --> 00:35:08,190
We really appreciate you doing
this on our home turf,
887
00:35:08,273 --> 00:35:10,025
- Agent Webber.
- Yes, thank you.
888
00:35:10,108 --> 00:35:12,861
I live six blocks away,
so I get to walk home tonight.
889
00:35:12,945 --> 00:35:15,697
- Good deal.
- Excuse me, can I get
anything else for anybody?
890
00:35:15,781 --> 00:35:17,366
Coffee? Tea?
891
00:35:17,449 --> 00:35:19,385
By the time you brew it, I'll
be gone, but thank you, ma'am.
892
00:35:19,409 --> 00:35:21,954
Yes, thanks, Rosie.
893
00:35:22,037 --> 00:35:23,914
Now, gentlemen,
let me remind you both
894
00:35:23,997 --> 00:35:25,249
that you're under oath.
895
00:35:25,332 --> 00:35:27,334
Yes, sir.
896
00:35:28,502 --> 00:35:31,046
That's Abe's way
of saying, "Got it."
897
00:35:31,129 --> 00:35:32,798
Then let's proceed.
898
00:35:32,881 --> 00:35:34,521
So, some years ago,
there was an incident.
899
00:35:34,591 --> 00:35:36,176
And it hit our files.
900
00:35:36,260 --> 00:35:38,095
Careful with that, it's a relic.
901
00:35:38,178 --> 00:35:40,764
And Mr. Weissman recently wrote
902
00:35:40,848 --> 00:35:42,724
about this incident
in The Village Voice.
903
00:35:42,808 --> 00:35:45,519
And it implicated the two
of you, but I am here today
904
00:35:45,602 --> 00:35:48,355
to see what we can do to close
this matter. Mr. Kessler?
905
00:35:48,438 --> 00:35:51,233
Thank you. For the record,
we've got two young men
906
00:35:51,316 --> 00:35:53,777
of a bygone era...
Activists, patriots...
907
00:35:53,861 --> 00:35:57,197
Who walk into a federal
building, admittedly uninvited,
908
00:35:57,281 --> 00:35:59,741
they cause a little mischief,
then leave
909
00:35:59,825 --> 00:36:01,743
without harming a fly.
Those are the facts.
910
00:36:01,827 --> 00:36:03,662
Now, hold on,
since we're under oath,
911
00:36:03,745 --> 00:36:06,039
no fly was harmed,
but a water bug...
912
00:36:06,123 --> 00:36:07,916
got it pretty good.
913
00:36:11,211 --> 00:36:14,172
Ah, this all seems
very open and shut.
914
00:36:14,256 --> 00:36:15,841
No harm, no foul.
915
00:36:15,924 --> 00:36:17,801
I believe I already have
more than enough here
916
00:36:17,885 --> 00:36:20,846
- to report back to D.C. that...
- Asher walked
into the building.
917
00:36:20,929 --> 00:36:22,931
I'm sorry, uh, what?
918
00:36:23,015 --> 00:36:24,975
Asher walked into the building.
919
00:36:25,058 --> 00:36:27,352
I didn't go inside the building.
920
00:36:27,436 --> 00:36:29,187
I stayed outside.
921
00:36:29,271 --> 00:36:31,082
We don't need to Martha Graham
this whole thing, right?
922
00:36:31,106 --> 00:36:33,150
With the precise choreography?
923
00:36:33,233 --> 00:36:35,027
I'm under oath,
so I'm being accurate.
924
00:36:35,110 --> 00:36:36,695
Asher walked into the building.
925
00:36:36,778 --> 00:36:39,239
Asher lit the fire,
Asher committed arson.
926
00:36:39,323 --> 00:36:41,325
- Look, gentlemen...
- Abe, what are you doing?
927
00:36:41,408 --> 00:36:43,410
I'm telling the FBI
what happened.
928
00:36:43,493 --> 00:36:45,412
You walked into the building...
929
00:36:45,495 --> 00:36:47,915
And you stood lookout, which
makes you just as culpable.
930
00:36:47,998 --> 00:36:49,833
I didn't know he was going in
931
00:36:49,917 --> 00:36:52,127
to commit an act of arson.
You should write that down.
932
00:36:52,210 --> 00:36:54,254
Well, why did you think
I was going in?
933
00:36:54,338 --> 00:36:56,214
To admire the portrait
of Warren G. Harding?
934
00:36:56,298 --> 00:36:58,592
Whoa, whoa!
Guys, guys, slow down!
935
00:36:58,675 --> 00:37:01,678
Old friends.
Old, cranky, loquacious friends.
936
00:37:01,762 --> 00:37:03,931
He also vandalized
the stock exchange in 1923.
937
00:37:04,014 --> 00:37:05,390
Is that in your files?
938
00:37:05,474 --> 00:37:06,975
Abe, what the fuck?!
939
00:37:07,059 --> 00:37:09,311
Just him, not me. You really
should write this down.
940
00:37:09,394 --> 00:37:11,355
- I'm gonna need a pen.
- You do not need a pen.
941
00:37:11,438 --> 00:37:13,482
In fact, Agent Webber,
can we speak in private?
942
00:37:13,565 --> 00:37:15,859
I have some background
information that may help here.
943
00:37:15,943 --> 00:37:17,402
Sure. Should I bring a pen?
944
00:37:17,486 --> 00:37:19,112
Do not bring a pen.
945
00:37:25,994 --> 00:37:28,455
- Why?
- Why?
946
00:37:28,538 --> 00:37:30,457
I heard yelling. What happened?
947
00:37:30,540 --> 00:37:32,542
How long did you two go out?
948
00:37:32,626 --> 00:37:33,835
What are you talking about?
949
00:37:33,919 --> 00:37:35,379
You and Rosie. How long?
950
00:37:35,462 --> 00:37:36,797
Oh, no.
951
00:37:36,880 --> 00:37:39,132
Do not tell me that
this is what it's about.
952
00:37:39,216 --> 00:37:40,884
I want to know how long
my alleged wife
953
00:37:40,968 --> 00:37:42,594
went out
with my alleged best friend.
954
00:37:42,678 --> 00:37:44,513
Abe, I told you
I went out with Asher.
955
00:37:44,596 --> 00:37:46,056
- You did not.
- I did!
956
00:37:46,139 --> 00:37:47,891
20 times, at least!
957
00:37:47,975 --> 00:37:50,686
Rose, I admit that sometimes
I don't listen to you,
958
00:37:50,769 --> 00:37:53,897
but this time,
I was listening to you
959
00:37:53,981 --> 00:37:56,900
when you did not tell me that
you schtupped my best friend.
960
00:37:56,984 --> 00:37:58,485
- Abe!
- I'm sorry.
961
00:37:58,568 --> 00:38:00,696
So you're selling me out
to the FBI
962
00:38:00,779 --> 00:38:03,198
because Rosie and I
went out a few times?
963
00:38:03,281 --> 00:38:05,760
A few times? The other day, it
was two months. How long was it?
964
00:38:05,784 --> 00:38:08,870
It was 35 years ago...
Who cares?!
965
00:38:08,954 --> 00:38:11,206
And you, you with your,
"He was so good-looking
966
00:38:11,289 --> 00:38:12,558
when he was young."
Is there anything else
967
00:38:12,582 --> 00:38:13,875
you want to tell me about?
968
00:38:13,959 --> 00:38:15,961
Abe Weissman,
you're being irrational.
969
00:38:16,044 --> 00:38:17,879
What parts of this woman's
body did you touch?
970
00:38:17,963 --> 00:38:19,047
- Abe!
- What?
971
00:38:19,131 --> 00:38:21,133
What parts? Because
I want to mark them off,
972
00:38:21,216 --> 00:38:22,819
and I am never going
to touch those parts again.
973
00:38:22,843 --> 00:38:25,137
Are you hearing yourself?
974
00:38:25,220 --> 00:38:26,972
I have just the right chalk.
975
00:38:27,055 --> 00:38:28,724
Long lasting, doesn't erase.
976
00:38:28,807 --> 00:38:29,975
Abe...
977
00:38:30,058 --> 00:38:31,518
I've had enough of you two!
978
00:38:31,601 --> 00:38:33,770
Abe...
979
00:38:33,854 --> 00:38:36,189
You are out
of your fucking mind!
980
00:38:36,273 --> 00:38:38,734
- Abe!
- Did he just lock himself
in his room?
981
00:38:38,817 --> 00:38:42,696
Abe, may I remind you
that you broke up with me.
982
00:38:42,779 --> 00:38:46,408
Rose, may I remind you
that I was working on my PhD,
983
00:38:46,491 --> 00:38:50,120
and I told you that when it was
complete, I might come back!
984
00:38:50,203 --> 00:38:53,623
I was very upfront
and sincere about that.
985
00:38:53,707 --> 00:38:55,459
Asher,
I'm very sorry about this.
986
00:38:55,542 --> 00:38:57,169
Abe is completely out of line.
987
00:38:57,252 --> 00:38:59,379
Oh, good, he's back.
988
00:38:59,463 --> 00:39:01,798
I could have schtupped Delores.
989
00:39:01,882 --> 00:39:04,259
- What?
- Yeah, while you and Rose
990
00:39:04,342 --> 00:39:06,762
and her Louise Brooks
harlot hair were catting about,
991
00:39:06,845 --> 00:39:09,848
Delores made it very clear
that she wanted me badly.
992
00:39:09,931 --> 00:39:13,101
Delores wanted everybody, Abe!
993
00:39:13,185 --> 00:39:16,271
Eugene O'Neill, Aaron Copland,
994
00:39:16,354 --> 00:39:18,774
Tarzan, Josephine Baker.
995
00:39:18,857 --> 00:39:21,443
Sh-sh... My God...
996
00:39:21,526 --> 00:39:23,487
What?
997
00:39:23,570 --> 00:39:25,489
I just had an idea for a play.
998
00:39:25,572 --> 00:39:27,616
- What?
- It's the best idea
999
00:39:27,699 --> 00:39:28,979
for a play I've had in 20 years.
1000
00:39:29,034 --> 00:39:30,911
I-I see it.
1001
00:39:30,994 --> 00:39:33,121
I see the arc
of the whole thing.
1002
00:39:33,205 --> 00:39:35,040
- I got to write this down.
- Asher,
1003
00:39:35,123 --> 00:39:37,250
do not write a play about this!
1004
00:39:37,334 --> 00:39:39,544
- I need a pen!
- Do not get a pen!
1005
00:39:39,628 --> 00:39:42,047
Up yours, Abe!
1006
00:39:42,130 --> 00:39:44,007
If you get a pen
and write a play,
1007
00:39:44,091 --> 00:39:45,509
I'll destroy it in The Voice.
1008
00:39:45,592 --> 00:39:47,052
I will! I'll do that!
1009
00:39:47,135 --> 00:39:48,845
I have no doubt.
1010
00:39:48,929 --> 00:39:50,639
Goodbye, Abe.
1011
00:39:50,722 --> 00:39:52,766
Last word of advice,
writer to writer.
1012
00:39:52,849 --> 00:39:55,811
You over-use "quite,"
and "thusly" is a stupid word.
1013
00:39:55,894 --> 00:39:57,646
Fuck you, don't call me again.
1014
00:39:57,729 --> 00:40:00,023
And please throw out
that weird chalk of yours.
1015
00:40:00,107 --> 00:40:02,651
Rosie.
1016
00:40:02,734 --> 00:40:04,986
Goodbye.
1017
00:40:05,070 --> 00:40:07,197
Your Louise Brooks
was a knockout.
1018
00:40:07,280 --> 00:40:09,783
Don't you tell Rosie that
her fad hairdo was a knockout!
1019
00:40:09,866 --> 00:40:11,868
Asher. Asher!
1020
00:40:19,793 --> 00:40:22,295
This is why I need a study.
1021
00:40:23,338 --> 00:40:25,966
'Cause... I have no place to go.
1022
00:40:40,480 --> 00:40:42,399
Out, out!
1023
00:40:42,482 --> 00:40:44,401
Don’t come back soon!
1024
00:40:44,484 --> 00:40:47,070
Hey, guy at table six wants
a ring in a glass.
1025
00:40:47,154 --> 00:40:49,489
- Great.
- But he gave me two,
and he wants us to pick.
1026
00:40:49,573 --> 00:40:51,342
That's ridiculous.
I mean, how are we supposed
1027
00:40:51,366 --> 00:40:53,160
to pick another man's... Ooh!
1028
00:40:53,243 --> 00:40:55,495
- I like that one.
- Yeah, that was
my first choice, too.
1029
00:40:55,579 --> 00:40:57,372
But will it make
her finger look too fat?
1030
00:40:57,455 --> 00:40:59,583
Yeah, the pear-shape tends
to elongate.
1031
00:40:59,666 --> 00:41:01,793
But boy does this one sparkle.
1032
00:41:01,877 --> 00:41:03,545
Your new guy doesn't know me!
1033
00:41:03,628 --> 00:41:05,839
Let her in, Hal.
Either one's fine.
1034
00:41:05,922 --> 00:41:08,091
This is too much pressure.
Hey, Midge!
1035
00:41:08,175 --> 00:41:09,759
- Hey, Arch.
- You want a drink?
1036
00:41:09,843 --> 00:41:12,137
- I do.
- Martini up with olives?
1037
00:41:12,220 --> 00:41:14,139
- I'm so predictable.
- If only.
1038
00:41:14,222 --> 00:41:15,849
Hey, how long are those guys on?
1039
00:41:15,932 --> 00:41:17,976
I need ten minutes
to try out some stuff.
1040
00:41:18,059 --> 00:41:20,079
- Really?
- Yeah, I'm working
on a new bit for the strip club
1041
00:41:20,103 --> 00:41:21,747
that I'm not quite sure about,
and I'd rather bomb here
1042
00:41:21,771 --> 00:41:23,398
- than at the real place.
- Thank you.
1043
00:41:23,481 --> 00:41:25,817
- You're welcome.
- Wait.
1044
00:41:25,901 --> 00:41:27,819
- Did you say strip club?
- Yes.
1045
00:41:27,903 --> 00:41:29,529
You're working at a strip club?
1046
00:41:29,613 --> 00:41:31,948
- Yes. You didn't know?
- No.
1047
00:41:32,032 --> 00:41:34,075
- Didn't Ethan tell you?
- Why would he tell me?
1048
00:41:34,159 --> 00:41:36,053
- I told him to tell you.
- You told our five-year-old son
1049
00:41:36,077 --> 00:41:37,638
to tell me you're working
at a strip club?
1050
00:41:37,662 --> 00:41:39,581
- Did he forget?
- Yes, he forgot.
1051
00:41:39,664 --> 00:41:42,083
Thank God, he forgot.
I don't want our son thinking
1052
00:41:42,167 --> 00:41:43,460
about his mother
at a strip club.
1053
00:41:43,543 --> 00:41:44,979
It's not like I did
a number for him.
1054
00:41:45,003 --> 00:41:46,755
- Strip club.
- I'm the emcee.
1055
00:41:46,838 --> 00:41:48,006
But what about your career?
1056
00:41:48,089 --> 00:41:49,233
What do you mean,
what about my career?
1057
00:41:49,257 --> 00:41:51,968
- This is part of my career.
- Okay.
1058
00:41:52,052 --> 00:41:53,678
- What?
- I'm not gonna say anything.
1059
00:41:53,762 --> 00:41:55,364
Then don't say you're not
gonna say anything,
1060
00:41:55,388 --> 00:41:56,848
'cause that's saying a thing.
1061
00:41:56,932 --> 00:41:59,601
Working in a strip club
just seems like a step back.
1062
00:41:59,684 --> 00:42:01,686
Many famous people got
their start in strip clubs.
1063
00:42:01,770 --> 00:42:03,355
Lenny worked at strip clubs.
1064
00:42:03,438 --> 00:42:05,190
You took me to see him
at a strip club.
1065
00:42:05,273 --> 00:42:07,210
You were opening for Shy Baldwin
a few months ago.
1066
00:42:07,234 --> 00:42:09,319
- So?
- So how is anyone gonna
1067
00:42:09,402 --> 00:42:11,029
take you seriously
in a jiggle joint?
1068
00:42:11,112 --> 00:42:12,447
Have you been talking to Susie?
1069
00:42:12,530 --> 00:42:14,091
No, I have not been
talking to Susie, why?
1070
00:42:14,115 --> 00:42:16,534
Because you're saying exactly
the same things Susie says.
1071
00:42:16,618 --> 00:42:18,161
Well, maybe Susie's
right about this.
1072
00:42:18,245 --> 00:42:19,885
Maybe you should hire her
as your manager.
1073
00:42:19,913 --> 00:42:21,623
Oh, wait a minute.
1074
00:42:22,916 --> 00:42:24,542
Mei.
1075
00:42:24,626 --> 00:42:25,794
Hi.
1076
00:42:25,877 --> 00:42:27,671
What's up, Doc?
1077
00:42:27,754 --> 00:42:29,381
I'm sorry, am I, uh...
1078
00:42:29,464 --> 00:42:31,508
I'm just trying
to wrangle some stage time.
1079
00:42:31,591 --> 00:42:33,385
- Oh.
- I swear.
1080
00:42:33,468 --> 00:42:35,303
Okay. I didn't know if this was
1081
00:42:35,387 --> 00:42:37,114
Joel's mother trying to get
you two back together again.
1082
00:42:37,138 --> 00:42:38,515
No! Absolutely not!
1083
00:42:38,598 --> 00:42:40,642
- Wow. Lightning fast.
- I just meant...
1084
00:42:40,725 --> 00:42:42,644
Well, I'm gonna be
in your office, so, uh...
1085
00:42:44,604 --> 00:42:46,815
That's all, folks.
1086
00:42:51,945 --> 00:42:53,780
What was that about?
1087
00:42:53,863 --> 00:42:55,907
What? You started
the Looney Tunes thing.
1088
00:42:55,991 --> 00:42:57,951
I'm talking
about the Shirley comment.
1089
00:42:58,034 --> 00:43:00,620
- You want your ten minutes?
- Yep.
1090
00:43:00,704 --> 00:43:03,206
Just don't stink so much
that you clear the place out.
1091
00:43:03,290 --> 00:43:05,292
I make no guarantees.
1092
00:43:07,627 --> 00:43:09,212
She said yes!
1093
00:43:09,296 --> 00:43:11,548
Congratulations, Arch.
1094
00:43:15,051 --> 00:43:17,929
How long have I been here?
1095
00:43:18,013 --> 00:43:19,931
- Three days.
- I should go.
1096
00:43:20,015 --> 00:43:21,975
- Okay.
- I can't move.
1097
00:43:22,058 --> 00:43:23,685
Throw up, dry out, and sleep.
1098
00:43:23,768 --> 00:43:25,603
We start tomorrow.
1099
00:43:35,572 --> 00:43:38,116
Replace glass.
1100
00:43:38,199 --> 00:43:40,035
Replace board.
1101
00:43:40,118 --> 00:43:42,120
Replace pipe.
1102
00:43:44,039 --> 00:43:46,041
Replace faucet.
1103
00:43:48,585 --> 00:43:50,587
Replace toilet seat.
1104
00:43:56,634 --> 00:43:58,636
Aw, Jesus.
1105
00:43:58,720 --> 00:44:01,306
Replace toilet.
1106
00:44:11,733 --> 00:44:13,735
She knows me.
1107
00:44:22,619 --> 00:44:24,579
Shit!
1108
00:44:26,790 --> 00:44:28,833
Shit.
1109
00:44:28,917 --> 00:44:30,502
Hello to you, too.
1110
00:44:30,585 --> 00:44:31,795
I'm busy, Sophie.
1111
00:44:33,213 --> 00:44:34,547
You found an office.
1112
00:44:34,631 --> 00:44:37,092
I tried to close the door.
1113
00:44:37,175 --> 00:44:38,301
Yeah, it's being fixed.
1114
00:44:38,385 --> 00:44:39,928
I'm just commenting on the fact
1115
00:44:40,011 --> 00:44:42,722
that I tried and failed.
1116
00:44:42,806 --> 00:44:44,808
Because it's very broken.
1117
00:44:44,891 --> 00:44:46,726
And unattractive.
1118
00:44:46,810 --> 00:44:48,770
You should also get a new desk.
1119
00:44:48,853 --> 00:44:50,313
What do you want?
1120
00:44:50,397 --> 00:44:51,731
You don't have a chair.
1121
00:44:51,815 --> 00:44:54,776
I can't sit
if you don't have a chair.
1122
00:44:54,859 --> 00:44:56,861
You don't seem to care.
1123
00:45:02,367 --> 00:45:05,161
I'll hold it so it won't fall
on you on the way out.
1124
00:45:06,329 --> 00:45:08,248
For the first time in 30 years,
1125
00:45:08,331 --> 00:45:10,583
I can't get any work.
1126
00:45:10,667 --> 00:45:13,002
No venue in this country
will book me anymore.
1127
00:45:13,086 --> 00:45:14,504
Not even Phoenix.
1128
00:45:14,587 --> 00:45:18,633
Not that I can stomach
going back on the road again.
1129
00:45:18,716 --> 00:45:21,970
I'm financially overextended,
meaning
1130
00:45:22,053 --> 00:45:24,597
I have more expenses
than money to cover them.
1131
00:45:24,681 --> 00:45:26,534
- Yeah, I know
what overextended means.
- Well, you're
1132
00:45:26,558 --> 00:45:28,476
so quiet over there,
so I wasn't sure.
1133
00:45:28,560 --> 00:45:30,770
My business manager said
1134
00:45:30,854 --> 00:45:32,814
my lifestyle needs to change.
1135
00:45:32,897 --> 00:45:34,983
And then he quit.
1136
00:45:35,066 --> 00:45:36,985
So that's a change.
1137
00:45:37,068 --> 00:45:39,988
My dogs
won't eat canned food.
1138
00:45:40,071 --> 00:45:41,823
Even though it's not that bad.
1139
00:45:41,906 --> 00:45:43,241
What do you want, Lucille?
1140
00:45:44,325 --> 00:45:45,827
Don't you want
to know how I know
1141
00:45:45,910 --> 00:45:48,621
- the dog food's not that bad?
- Nope.
1142
00:45:48,705 --> 00:45:51,541
There's a brand-new
NBC game show.
1143
00:45:51,624 --> 00:45:54,752
They're looking for a host,
and I want it.
1144
00:45:54,836 --> 00:45:57,297
It's perfect for me.
I'd be great at it.
1145
00:45:57,380 --> 00:45:59,799
But the network
won't even meet with me.
1146
00:45:59,883 --> 00:46:01,551
I'd audition, I'd test.
1147
00:46:01,634 --> 00:46:04,220
Whatever they want.
But they won't even consider it.
1148
00:46:04,304 --> 00:46:06,264
I called Harry a hundred times.
1149
00:46:06,347 --> 00:46:08,266
He won't take my calls.
1150
00:46:08,349 --> 00:46:10,018
I even went to his office once.
1151
00:46:10,101 --> 00:46:12,479
They said he was golfing.
It was raining out.
1152
00:46:12,562 --> 00:46:15,523
Plus he walked right by me,
so I know they were lying.
1153
00:46:15,607 --> 00:46:18,234
That's terrible. Kind of like
you've been blackballed.
1154
00:46:18,318 --> 00:46:19,861
Yes.
1155
00:46:19,944 --> 00:46:21,130
It doesn't feel good, does it?
1156
00:46:21,154 --> 00:46:22,530
No.
1157
00:46:22,614 --> 00:46:24,157
Doesn't feel good at all.
1158
00:46:24,240 --> 00:46:27,327
Well, I'm sorry, Soph,
our paths have diverged.
1159
00:46:27,410 --> 00:46:28,888
That means your path went one
way and my path went another.
1160
00:46:28,912 --> 00:46:31,414
I know what diverged means.
1161
00:46:31,498 --> 00:46:34,250
Okay, well, seeing
as how our paths have diverged,
1162
00:46:34,334 --> 00:46:37,504
I think it's best that we...
You and me...
1163
00:46:37,587 --> 00:46:39,923
We stay, you know... diverged.
1164
00:46:40,006 --> 00:46:41,508
You didn't finish
very strong there.
1165
00:46:41,591 --> 00:46:43,801
Fuck you. Let me fix my desk.
1166
00:46:43,885 --> 00:46:45,845
What if I were to apologize?
1167
00:46:45,929 --> 00:46:48,073
I got enough to clean up here
without your head exploding.
1168
00:46:48,097 --> 00:46:50,183
You put my show on Broadway.
1169
00:46:50,266 --> 00:46:53,102
You did that.
No one else even tried.
1170
00:46:53,186 --> 00:46:55,271
Look, Sophie,
I am sorry about the game show.
1171
00:46:55,355 --> 00:46:57,357
I just don't know
what I could do.
1172
00:46:58,983 --> 00:47:01,653
Well, if you happen
to think of anything...
1173
00:47:03,112 --> 00:47:05,240
I'd be very grateful.
1174
00:47:08,868 --> 00:47:11,204
You got Dawes driving you home?
1175
00:47:11,287 --> 00:47:13,289
Dawes left.
1176
00:47:14,791 --> 00:47:16,793
Shit.
1177
00:47:25,969 --> 00:47:27,095
Hey.
1178
00:47:28,972 --> 00:47:30,598
If I do this... help you...
1179
00:47:30,682 --> 00:47:32,392
You got to fucking agree
to lose my number.
1180
00:47:32,475 --> 00:47:35,061
I promise.
1181
00:47:35,144 --> 00:47:37,397
Oh, will you look at that.
1182
00:47:43,069 --> 00:47:45,029
You got...
1183
00:47:48,741 --> 00:47:51,578
Wonderful.
1184
00:47:51,661 --> 00:47:53,538
Wonderful!
1185
00:47:53,621 --> 00:47:55,623
What the fuck is wrong with me?
1186
00:48:59,979 --> 00:49:02,774
That's the end of the show,
ladies and gentlemen.
1187
00:49:02,857 --> 00:49:05,318
I hope it's been a night
you will never forget.
1188
00:49:05,401 --> 00:49:08,196
You've been a great audience,
please get home safe.
1189
00:49:08,279 --> 00:49:10,114
Don't forget
to tip the waitresses.
1190
00:49:10,198 --> 00:49:12,450
They're armed. I'm Mrs. Maisel.
1191
00:49:12,533 --> 00:49:14,786
Thank you and good night.
1192
00:49:19,082 --> 00:49:21,417
Perfect!
1193
00:49:24,545 --> 00:49:26,547
Ow.
1194
00:49:27,548 --> 00:49:29,425
Hey, Midge fell in the pit.
1195
00:49:29,509 --> 00:49:31,886
- On purpose?
- Did you push her?