1
00:00:06,257 --> 00:00:07,883
I met him in the park.
2
00:00:07,967 --> 00:00:09,361
I always walk Ethan
through the park
3
00:00:09,385 --> 00:00:10,678
on the way to kindergarten.
4
00:00:10,761 --> 00:00:12,304
It gives us
a little time together,
5
00:00:12,388 --> 00:00:13,848
and I love the fresh air.
6
00:00:13,931 --> 00:00:16,392
His dog said hello first.
7
00:00:16,475 --> 00:00:18,144
Then he said hello.
8
00:00:18,227 --> 00:00:20,479
♪ Autumn in New York...
9
00:00:20,563 --> 00:00:22,022
And I liked him.
10
00:00:22,106 --> 00:00:23,315
Pretty instantly.
11
00:00:23,399 --> 00:00:25,651
He was good-looking, smart.
12
00:00:25,735 --> 00:00:27,111
You can tell by the eyes.
13
00:00:27,194 --> 00:00:28,821
I apologized
for kidnapping his pooch,
14
00:00:28,904 --> 00:00:31,282
and he flashed
this amazing smile.
15
00:00:31,365 --> 00:00:34,744
From then on,
we ran into him a lot.
16
00:00:34,827 --> 00:00:36,162
Pretty much every day.
17
00:00:36,245 --> 00:00:38,622
Pretty much on purpose.
18
00:00:42,418 --> 00:00:45,921
One time he brought me a flower
he picked along the way.
19
00:00:46,005 --> 00:00:48,799
It was pretty. He was pretty.
20
00:00:48,883 --> 00:00:50,736
The flirting was pretty intense
from both sides.
21
00:00:50,760 --> 00:00:51,820
Hold it.
22
00:00:51,844 --> 00:00:54,013
All morning,
this has been going on.
23
00:00:54,096 --> 00:00:57,433
I only talked to him because
he phoned and I picked up.
24
00:00:57,516 --> 00:00:58,893
How could I know not to pick up
25
00:00:58,976 --> 00:01:00,454
- when I don't know
it's him calling?
- Dinah.
26
00:01:00,478 --> 00:01:02,372
That's dumb, Frank. You're
being dumb. Don't be dumb.
27
00:01:02,396 --> 00:01:05,608
- Dinah.
- Hold on. Alfie's tech
rehearsal is all set for 12:30.
28
00:01:05,691 --> 00:01:06,960
That was my boss.
29
00:01:06,984 --> 00:01:08,235
It was my boss!
30
00:01:08,319 --> 00:01:09,695
- Dinah, hang up.
- Talk to him?
31
00:01:09,779 --> 00:01:11,089
He'll hang up
if he knows I'm at work.
32
00:01:11,113 --> 00:01:12,758
- He thinks I'm with Hank.
- This isn't Hank?
33
00:01:12,782 --> 00:01:14,283
It's Frank.
Hank's my other boyfriend.
34
00:01:14,366 --> 00:01:15,493
Christ. Hank.
35
00:01:15,618 --> 00:01:17,203
- Frank.
- Frank, Dinah's at work.
36
00:01:17,286 --> 00:01:19,288
Go away.
37
00:01:19,330 --> 00:01:20,623
Satisfied?
38
00:01:20,706 --> 00:01:22,917
No, that wasn't a man.
It was my boss, Susie.
39
00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:24,418
She's a woman!
40
00:01:24,502 --> 00:01:26,921
I'm done talking to you, Frank.
Goodbye.
41
00:01:27,004 --> 00:01:28,440
Continue.
42
00:01:28,464 --> 00:01:31,091
One day, Ethan had
a day off from school.
43
00:01:31,175 --> 00:01:34,720
Zelda stayed with the kids,
and I hit the park by myself,
44
00:01:34,804 --> 00:01:36,013
hoping to run into him.
45
00:01:36,096 --> 00:01:37,848
And I did.
46
00:01:37,932 --> 00:01:40,226
♪ It's autumn in New York...
47
00:01:40,309 --> 00:01:42,394
This time,
we sat and talked for an hour.
48
00:01:42,478 --> 00:01:44,980
He told me about his work,
his hobbies,
49
00:01:45,064 --> 00:01:46,899
his love of French films.
50
00:01:46,982 --> 00:01:48,859
I was sure about it.
51
00:01:48,943 --> 00:01:50,528
This time, he's asking me out.
52
00:01:50,611 --> 00:01:54,365
And I did everything I could
to encourage it.
53
00:01:54,448 --> 00:01:56,450
But he never pulled the trigger.
54
00:01:56,534 --> 00:01:58,845
I thought about asking him out,
but I haven't asked out a guy
55
00:01:58,869 --> 00:02:01,455
since that disastrous experience
on Sadie Hawkins Day.
56
00:02:01,539 --> 00:02:02,539
Wait, wait, wait.
57
00:02:02,581 --> 00:02:04,124
What the hell is
Sadie Hawkins Day?
58
00:02:04,208 --> 00:02:05,960
The day where the girls
ask out the boys.
59
00:02:06,043 --> 00:02:09,463
And I was all ready to ask
Jacob Fineman to the big dance.
60
00:02:09,547 --> 00:02:11,465
God, was I in love with him.
61
00:02:11,549 --> 00:02:15,135
That day, I'm standing outside
the temple with two RC Colas,
62
00:02:15,219 --> 00:02:18,055
and he's walking towards me
in his brand-new...
63
00:02:18,138 --> 00:02:20,683
Hold it! Do not start telling
a different goddamn story!
64
00:02:20,766 --> 00:02:21,767
There's no time.
65
00:02:21,851 --> 00:02:22,935
Fine.
66
00:02:23,018 --> 00:02:24,854
So, this morning,
I'm back in the park,
67
00:02:24,937 --> 00:02:26,021
without Ethan.
68
00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:27,064
And there he is,
69
00:02:27,147 --> 00:02:28,566
without his dog.
70
00:02:28,649 --> 00:02:31,652
This time, he tells me
how much he loves coffee.
71
00:02:31,735 --> 00:02:33,195
Said there was a place nearby
72
00:02:33,279 --> 00:02:35,406
that had the best espresso
in the city.
73
00:02:35,489 --> 00:02:37,283
And he asked me
if I was up for some.
74
00:02:37,366 --> 00:02:39,076
I said, "Now?"
75
00:02:39,159 --> 00:02:41,245
And he said, "Now."
76
00:02:41,328 --> 00:02:43,455
So he led the way.
77
00:02:43,539 --> 00:02:45,082
But the place was closed.
78
00:02:45,165 --> 00:02:46,959
They were remodeling
or something.
79
00:02:47,042 --> 00:02:48,669
Just my luck.
80
00:02:48,752 --> 00:02:51,422
Then he said he has a great
espresso machine at his place
81
00:02:51,505 --> 00:02:53,340
that he imported
all the way from Naples,
82
00:02:53,424 --> 00:02:55,384
and it's just around the corner.
83
00:02:55,467 --> 00:02:56,594
Oh, boy.
84
00:02:56,677 --> 00:02:58,554
I have never done this,
but I thought,
85
00:02:58,637 --> 00:03:00,472
"You only live once, Midge."
86
00:03:00,556 --> 00:03:01,950
And I was wearing
some nice underwear,
87
00:03:01,974 --> 00:03:03,267
so what the hell?
88
00:03:03,350 --> 00:03:04,768
He led the way.
89
00:03:05,936 --> 00:03:07,938
Things happened fast after that.
90
00:03:11,483 --> 00:03:12,818
It had been a while.
91
00:03:12,902 --> 00:03:14,403
Not since Benjamin.
92
00:03:14,486 --> 00:03:16,739
I felt a kind of catharsis.
93
00:03:16,822 --> 00:03:18,949
The thrill of spontaneity.
94
00:03:19,033 --> 00:03:22,036
I realized that I hadn't been
spontaneous enough in my life.
95
00:03:22,119 --> 00:03:24,914
Too much stop, not enough go.
96
00:03:24,997 --> 00:03:27,041
And I realized
that I liked this feeling,
97
00:03:27,124 --> 00:03:30,127
and I wanted
to keep feeling this feeling.
98
00:03:30,210 --> 00:03:31,921
But then...
99
00:03:32,004 --> 00:03:34,882
Complete chaos.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God!
100
00:03:34,965 --> 00:03:36,842
Are you goddamn kidding me?
101
00:03:36,926 --> 00:03:38,820
- The hell are you doing here?
- What am I doing here?
102
00:03:38,844 --> 00:03:40,638
Who is this?
Some slut from the steno pool?
103
00:03:40,721 --> 00:03:42,222
She is not from the steno pool!
104
00:03:42,306 --> 00:03:43,891
The guy's married.
105
00:03:43,974 --> 00:03:45,559
He's yelling, she's yelling,
106
00:03:45,643 --> 00:03:47,853
the dog is barking
its head off, and I'm stuck.
107
00:03:47,937 --> 00:03:50,648
I'm completely naked and there's
only one way out of the room
108
00:03:50,731 --> 00:03:52,900
and my clothes
are nowhere near me.
109
00:03:52,983 --> 00:03:54,860
So I grabbed what I could
and ran.
110
00:03:54,944 --> 00:03:57,088
I could still hear them yelling
at each other from the cab.
111
00:03:57,112 --> 00:04:00,091
- It was insane.
- You know what, draw up a list
of every guy you slept with!
112
00:04:00,115 --> 00:04:01,955
Otherwise, we're gonna be here
all goddamn day.
113
00:04:03,327 --> 00:04:04,620
Okay. So?
114
00:04:04,703 --> 00:04:05,913
What do you think?
115
00:04:05,996 --> 00:04:08,666
I want my goddamn dress back.
116
00:04:12,461 --> 00:04:14,171
Walk like it's
just an everyday thing.
117
00:04:14,254 --> 00:04:16,232
Cool and casual, like
you're heading to the subway.
118
00:04:16,256 --> 00:04:18,050
Darn, I was gonna skip
like a schoolgirl.
119
00:04:18,133 --> 00:04:19,593
- Arch.
- I got this. Relax.
120
00:04:19,677 --> 00:04:21,529
A block and a half down.
North side of the street.
121
00:04:21,553 --> 00:04:23,031
- I know where it is.
- Ask for Cheng.
122
00:04:23,055 --> 00:04:24,807
He's the best teller
and he speaks English.
123
00:04:24,890 --> 00:04:26,976
- He does all my deposits.
- You already said that.
124
00:04:27,059 --> 00:04:28,662
I just don't like cash
sitting around the club,
125
00:04:28,686 --> 00:04:30,479
and I haven't found
my good hiding spots yet.
126
00:04:30,562 --> 00:04:31,605
The desk is too obvious.
127
00:04:31,689 --> 00:04:32,916
Everyone looks
in the booze crates.
128
00:04:32,940 --> 00:04:34,775
The rats can get to it
in the rafters.
129
00:04:34,858 --> 00:04:36,544
I think I'm gonna have to
jackhammer a hole in the floor
130
00:04:36,568 --> 00:04:37,671
and then hide it with a rug.
131
00:04:37,695 --> 00:04:39,005
And, yes,
I've just become my mother.
132
00:04:39,029 --> 00:04:40,614
Go back inside. I got this.
133
00:04:40,698 --> 00:04:41,865
Okay, thanks.
134
00:04:41,949 --> 00:04:43,701
- See you tonight.
- See you tonight.
135
00:04:49,665 --> 00:04:50,708
Hey!
136
00:04:53,585 --> 00:04:55,379
Oh, my. That's wonderful.
137
00:04:55,462 --> 00:04:56,839
I'll take two ounces of that.
138
00:04:56,922 --> 00:04:58,566
Great choice.
It's our most aromatic blend.
139
00:04:58,590 --> 00:05:00,217
I'm going to look around
a bit more,
140
00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:02,594
maybe pick up some cigars
for the boys at the office.
141
00:05:02,678 --> 00:05:04,471
I'll wrap this up for you.
142
00:05:04,555 --> 00:05:08,809
Yes, well, uh, we have
a fine, fine cigar...
143
00:05:08,892 --> 00:05:11,270
Good morning, sir.
Are you enjoying your day?
144
00:05:11,353 --> 00:05:12,604
Very much. Thank you.
145
00:05:12,688 --> 00:05:15,065
And there's more days
you'd like to enjoy?
146
00:05:15,149 --> 00:05:16,692
I beg your pardon?
147
00:05:16,775 --> 00:05:18,777
I insist on feeding my family.
148
00:05:18,861 --> 00:05:20,487
So when my livelihood
is threatened,
149
00:05:20,571 --> 00:05:22,072
I threaten back.
150
00:05:22,156 --> 00:05:23,949
That's understandable.
151
00:05:24,033 --> 00:05:25,701
There's a line in the Torah:
152
00:05:25,784 --> 00:05:27,786
"fuck with me and you die."
153
00:05:27,870 --> 00:05:30,247
Have a think on this.
154
00:05:30,330 --> 00:05:32,291
I will. But, for now,
155
00:05:32,374 --> 00:05:34,668
I'm going to move
to another part of the store.
156
00:05:34,752 --> 00:05:36,628
Nice talking to you.
157
00:05:36,712 --> 00:05:39,298
This one has a really nice
frame and shape to it.
158
00:05:39,381 --> 00:05:41,133
- Hello to you, sir.
- Hello.
159
00:05:41,216 --> 00:05:42,885
Oh, do you have a moment?
160
00:05:42,968 --> 00:05:46,346
I'd like to discuss matchmaking.
161
00:05:46,430 --> 00:05:47,890
Oh. Sure.
162
00:05:47,973 --> 00:05:49,892
It's got quite
the lively history.
163
00:05:49,975 --> 00:05:53,145
The first matches date back
to 14th century China.
164
00:05:53,228 --> 00:05:55,272
They dipped pine sticks
in sulfur...
165
00:05:55,355 --> 00:05:59,443
I meant the kind
your bony wife is engaged in.
166
00:05:59,526 --> 00:06:01,612
- My...
- You're Abe Weissman,
aren't you?
167
00:06:01,695 --> 00:06:03,155
Husband of Rose,
168
00:06:03,238 --> 00:06:05,032
father to Miriam,
169
00:06:05,115 --> 00:06:09,787
grandfather to Ethan,
Esther and Chaim.
170
00:06:09,870 --> 00:06:13,540
Oh, you know, I have nothing
to do with what my wife does.
171
00:06:13,624 --> 00:06:16,627
But you have influence.
172
00:06:16,710 --> 00:06:17,920
You're the man, aren't you?
173
00:06:18,003 --> 00:06:19,129
I suppose.
174
00:06:19,213 --> 00:06:21,507
Unless we take your manhood
from you.
175
00:06:21,590 --> 00:06:23,092
Who are you?
176
00:06:23,175 --> 00:06:24,384
Doesn't matter.
177
00:06:24,468 --> 00:06:25,886
Just tell your wife to stop.
178
00:06:25,969 --> 00:06:28,055
- Stop.
- Stop now.
179
00:06:28,138 --> 00:06:29,556
Stop? Sure.
180
00:06:29,640 --> 00:06:32,392
Uh, could you just answer
one little question for me?
181
00:06:32,476 --> 00:06:35,562
- Yes.
- Are there any more of you
outside?
182
00:06:35,646 --> 00:06:37,147
Just us.
183
00:06:40,150 --> 00:06:43,237
- Sir! Your tobacco!
- Keep it!
184
00:06:46,198 --> 00:06:49,493
♪ Good times together...
185
00:06:49,576 --> 00:06:50,786
You already ordered?
186
00:06:50,869 --> 00:06:52,371
- Yeah.
- Why?
187
00:06:52,454 --> 00:06:54,557
Well, you're late and I have
to be at Susie's at 11:00,
188
00:06:54,581 --> 00:06:55,701
so I ordered for both of us.
189
00:06:55,749 --> 00:06:57,584
It's ice-cold.
And you're always late.
190
00:06:57,668 --> 00:06:59,461
Except today.
191
00:06:59,545 --> 00:07:01,421
I don't even want this.
I just want eggs.
192
00:07:01,505 --> 00:07:02,506
Then get some eggs.
193
00:07:02,589 --> 00:07:04,383
And throw all this away,
like I'm Henry VIII?
194
00:07:04,466 --> 00:07:06,760
Yes. Just don't behead me.
195
00:07:08,262 --> 00:07:09,742
Want to go out
and come back in again?
196
00:07:09,805 --> 00:07:12,224
No. It's just...
197
00:07:12,307 --> 00:07:13,809
everything's crazy.
198
00:07:13,892 --> 00:07:15,060
- I know.
- That bag of cash.
199
00:07:15,144 --> 00:07:17,146
I never should've trusted it
to Archie.
200
00:07:17,229 --> 00:07:20,357
- It wasn't his fault.
- He was holding it like
it was takeout from Junior's.
201
00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:21,525
So amateur.
202
00:07:21,608 --> 00:07:22,669
You want me to question Imogene,
203
00:07:22,693 --> 00:07:23,902
see if it was an inside job?
204
00:07:23,986 --> 00:07:25,362
It's gonna make money tight.
205
00:07:25,445 --> 00:07:27,197
We'll figure it out.
206
00:07:27,281 --> 00:07:29,283
Excuse me. Could we get
three eggs scrambled
207
00:07:29,366 --> 00:07:31,160
- and some fresh coffee?
- You got it.
208
00:07:31,243 --> 00:07:33,662
Here. From Ma and Pop.
209
00:07:33,745 --> 00:07:35,539
Potential Halloween costumes
for the kids.
210
00:07:35,622 --> 00:07:37,207
Ladies at the factory
worked 'em up.
211
00:07:40,377 --> 00:07:42,254
- Now what?
- Bonnie and Clyde.
212
00:07:42,337 --> 00:07:43,505
Romeo and Juliet.
213
00:07:43,589 --> 00:07:45,549
- These are couples.
- So?
214
00:07:45,632 --> 00:07:47,176
Couples who...
215
00:07:47,259 --> 00:07:48,177
you know.
216
00:07:48,260 --> 00:07:49,636
Ew. Don't even imply that.
217
00:07:49,720 --> 00:07:50,637
It's our children.
218
00:07:50,721 --> 00:07:51,763
Tarzan and Jane?
219
00:07:51,847 --> 00:07:53,491
You really want to put
your son in a loincloth?
220
00:07:53,515 --> 00:07:55,017
What is with you today?
221
00:07:55,100 --> 00:07:56,894
What is with you?
222
00:08:00,105 --> 00:08:01,481
Is it just the money?
223
00:08:01,565 --> 00:08:03,734
Yes. Of course. Just the money.
224
00:08:03,817 --> 00:08:05,044
Only you would say
"just the money."
225
00:08:05,068 --> 00:08:06,320
Joel.
226
00:08:08,155 --> 00:08:10,866
♪ When I know for certain...
227
00:08:10,949 --> 00:08:12,409
We're having a baby.
228
00:08:12,492 --> 00:08:14,036
Who is?
229
00:08:14,119 --> 00:08:15,329
Me and Mei.
230
00:08:15,412 --> 00:08:17,873
We're having a baby.
231
00:08:17,956 --> 00:08:19,291
Wow.
232
00:08:20,292 --> 00:08:21,293
Wow.
233
00:08:21,376 --> 00:08:22,961
Add a couple of hundred wows
for me.
234
00:08:23,045 --> 00:08:24,630
I assume it was a surprise?
235
00:08:24,713 --> 00:08:25,631
You could say that.
236
00:08:25,714 --> 00:08:27,466
Anything else?
237
00:08:30,344 --> 00:08:32,137
- So what's the plan?
- It's brand-new.
238
00:08:32,221 --> 00:08:33,889
- That's not a plan.
- We just found out.
239
00:08:33,972 --> 00:08:35,057
Again, not a plan.
240
00:08:35,140 --> 00:08:36,058
What do you want to know, Midge?
241
00:08:36,141 --> 00:08:37,142
The color of the nursery?
242
00:08:37,226 --> 00:08:38,143
Which college it's going to?
243
00:08:38,227 --> 00:08:40,145
I get to know something, Joel.
244
00:08:40,229 --> 00:08:42,022
This is gonna affect me
and the kids a lot.
245
00:08:42,105 --> 00:08:43,232
- I know.
- I mean,
246
00:08:43,315 --> 00:08:44,942
- what have you discussed?
- Nothing.
247
00:08:45,025 --> 00:08:47,319
She's not even here. She's
interviewing for her residency.
248
00:08:47,402 --> 00:08:49,404
- Out of town?
- Yeah.
249
00:08:49,488 --> 00:08:51,990
What happens if she lands
somewhere else? Do you move?
250
00:08:52,074 --> 00:08:53,509
I've got the club.
You know I can't move.
251
00:08:53,533 --> 00:08:54,701
Does she know that?
252
00:08:54,785 --> 00:08:56,346
You know,
I didn't have to tell you this.
253
00:08:56,370 --> 00:08:58,163
That my kids
are gonna have a stepmom?
254
00:08:58,247 --> 00:08:59,933
- Really?
I didn't need to know this?
- These are cold.
255
00:08:59,957 --> 00:09:01,351
I'd find out
when I run into the two of you
256
00:09:01,375 --> 00:09:02,501
pushing a stroller?
257
00:09:02,584 --> 00:09:04,503
You know, forget this.
258
00:09:04,586 --> 00:09:05,586
Forget we ever spoke.
259
00:09:05,629 --> 00:09:07,631
Joel, wait!
260
00:09:15,430 --> 00:09:17,150
You can't be mad at me
for asking questions.
261
00:09:17,182 --> 00:09:19,369
Those aren't questions. They're
the fucking third degree.
262
00:09:19,393 --> 00:09:22,271
I know nothing about this girl
except she's gonna be a doctor.
263
00:09:22,354 --> 00:09:23,939
- That's right.
- What kind of doctor?
264
00:09:24,022 --> 00:09:26,650
Foot doctor? Brain doctor?
Eye doctor? Kid doctor?
265
00:09:26,733 --> 00:09:27,943
Just a doctor doctor.
266
00:09:28,026 --> 00:09:29,545
You seem to know nothing
about this girl.
267
00:09:29,569 --> 00:09:31,321
Does she even have a last name?
Doctor what?
268
00:09:31,405 --> 00:09:33,240
- Lin.
- One "N" or two?
269
00:09:33,323 --> 00:09:34,323
One.
270
00:09:34,366 --> 00:09:35,701
You had to think about it?
271
00:09:35,784 --> 00:09:37,411
She'll change her name
to Maisel.
272
00:09:37,494 --> 00:09:38,870
So you're getting married?
273
00:09:38,954 --> 00:09:40,539
Would it kill you
to be happy for me?
274
00:09:40,622 --> 00:09:42,791
- You need to be happy first.
- I'm happy.
275
00:09:42,874 --> 00:09:45,419
Okay? I'm happy! This is happy!
276
00:09:45,502 --> 00:09:47,379
When are you telling
Moishe and Shirley?
277
00:09:47,462 --> 00:09:49,399
- How do you know I haven't?
- Because I was on the phone
278
00:09:49,423 --> 00:09:50,775
with Shirley
for half an hour last night,
279
00:09:50,799 --> 00:09:52,527
and the bulk of the conversation
was about instant yeast
280
00:09:52,551 --> 00:09:54,136
and that sexy Robert Goulet.
281
00:09:54,219 --> 00:09:55,738
They don't know yet.
So don't say anything.
282
00:09:55,762 --> 00:09:57,562
She may be showing
the next time they see her.
283
00:09:57,597 --> 00:09:59,016
They haven't met her yet.
284
00:09:59,099 --> 00:10:00,267
They hav...
285
00:10:00,350 --> 00:10:01,893
Do you have a handle on this?
286
00:10:01,977 --> 00:10:02,978
At all?
287
00:10:03,061 --> 00:10:04,438
God,
288
00:10:04,521 --> 00:10:06,565
Joel, what have
you gotten yourself into?
289
00:10:06,648 --> 00:10:08,608
I want to get off this street.
290
00:10:08,692 --> 00:10:10,652
Are you really getting married?
291
00:10:11,695 --> 00:10:14,197
She and I are gonna work out the
logistics when she gets back.
292
00:10:14,281 --> 00:10:15,699
I will keep you in the loop.
293
00:10:15,782 --> 00:10:17,659
And prospective parents
tend to get married.
294
00:10:17,743 --> 00:10:20,620
- Okay.
- Don't mention this to anyone
till I say you can.
295
00:10:20,704 --> 00:10:21,872
Yes, sir.
296
00:10:21,955 --> 00:10:23,540
That wasn't a command.
297
00:10:24,541 --> 00:10:26,001
I'll see you later.
298
00:10:26,084 --> 00:10:27,562
And I'll talk to Pop
about the costumes.
299
00:10:36,136 --> 00:10:37,220
Abe?
300
00:10:37,304 --> 00:10:38,847
Away from the door.
Away from the door.
301
00:10:38,930 --> 00:10:40,682
- Why?
- Is that back door locked?
302
00:10:40,766 --> 00:10:42,768
Yes. What's wrong?
You're sweating.
303
00:10:42,851 --> 00:10:44,978
Quiet. Whisper.
Mime it if you can.
304
00:10:45,062 --> 00:10:46,897
- Abe.
- The little one, Rose.
305
00:10:46,980 --> 00:10:48,398
- The little one.
- What little one?
306
00:10:48,482 --> 00:10:50,609
The tiny Jewish one.
Moloch in pearls.
307
00:10:50,692 --> 00:10:54,404
The big one.
Irish, with hands that crush.
308
00:10:54,488 --> 00:10:55,655
They were in the store.
309
00:10:55,739 --> 00:10:56,656
What store?
310
00:10:56,740 --> 00:10:57,908
My tobacco store.
311
00:10:57,991 --> 00:10:59,910
Apparently, you're a matchmaker?
312
00:10:59,993 --> 00:11:01,596
Abe, I've been a matchmaker
all these months.
313
00:11:01,620 --> 00:11:02,746
You knew that.
314
00:11:02,829 --> 00:11:04,122
Well, they're matchmakers, too.
315
00:11:04,206 --> 00:11:06,375
And they want you to stop.
316
00:11:06,458 --> 00:11:08,877
That's what they said.
In no uncertain terms
317
00:11:08,960 --> 00:11:10,796
and intimidating accents.
318
00:11:10,879 --> 00:11:11,922
Stop.
319
00:11:12,005 --> 00:11:13,525
Your coat is ripped.
Did they hurt you?
320
00:11:13,590 --> 00:11:18,387
No. But I was afraid they
would follow me from the store,
321
00:11:18,470 --> 00:11:20,806
so I did everything I could
to shake them.
322
00:11:20,889 --> 00:11:23,517
I serpentined my way
through streets,
323
00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:25,310
ran into random shops,
324
00:11:25,394 --> 00:11:27,437
- dove between cars.
- Oh, my God.
325
00:11:27,521 --> 00:11:28,814
Then I...
326
00:11:30,982 --> 00:11:32,025
Abe?
327
00:11:32,109 --> 00:11:33,151
I...
328
00:11:33,235 --> 00:11:35,195
You what?
329
00:11:35,278 --> 00:11:37,406
I ducked
into a Catholic church,
330
00:11:37,489 --> 00:11:39,032
thinking sanctuary,
331
00:11:39,116 --> 00:11:41,034
at least from the Irish one.
332
00:11:41,118 --> 00:11:42,869
I thought it would be empty,
333
00:11:42,953 --> 00:11:44,538
but they were in the middle
of mass.
334
00:11:44,621 --> 00:11:49,042
The only sound in the room
was this windy pipe organ.
335
00:11:51,420 --> 00:11:54,089
There was a long line of people
headed up the aisle,
336
00:11:54,172 --> 00:11:56,550
so I joined it.
337
00:11:56,633 --> 00:11:58,343
I had no idea what it was for.
338
00:11:58,427 --> 00:12:00,804
I just moved along with it.
339
00:12:00,887 --> 00:12:02,180
Blend in...
340
00:12:02,264 --> 00:12:04,307
That was the strategy.
341
00:12:05,350 --> 00:12:06,518
When I got to the front,
342
00:12:06,601 --> 00:12:08,603
everyone was kneeling.
343
00:12:08,687 --> 00:12:11,064
So I knelt, too.
344
00:12:12,149 --> 00:12:14,234
That's when I saw him.
345
00:12:14,317 --> 00:12:16,653
He was holding this silver cup.
346
00:12:16,736 --> 00:12:19,823
And in order
not to look suspicious...
347
00:12:19,906 --> 00:12:21,074
Abe,
348
00:12:21,158 --> 00:12:23,034
- you didn't.
- I took communion.
349
00:12:23,118 --> 00:12:24,953
- Oh, my God.
- I think the priest
350
00:12:25,036 --> 00:12:26,037
was suspicious.
351
00:12:26,121 --> 00:12:28,457
Especially when he said,
"The body of Christ"
352
00:12:28,540 --> 00:12:29,958
and I answered, "Mazel tov."
353
00:12:30,041 --> 00:12:30,959
My head is spinning.
354
00:12:31,042 --> 00:12:31,960
So, there I was,
355
00:12:32,043 --> 00:12:33,378
with a mouthful of Christ,
356
00:12:33,462 --> 00:12:35,422
wondering what the hell to do.
357
00:12:35,505 --> 00:12:38,008
I left immediately
and took it out.
358
00:12:38,091 --> 00:12:40,510
And now...
359
00:12:40,594 --> 00:12:42,471
what do I do with it?
360
00:12:42,554 --> 00:12:44,306
Wrap it up in something.
Set it aside.
361
00:12:44,389 --> 00:12:46,516
- We've got bigger worries.
- They mentioned Miriam
362
00:12:46,600 --> 00:12:48,643
and the grandchildren by name.
363
00:12:48,727 --> 00:12:51,563
Go clean up.
We will figure this out.
364
00:12:57,277 --> 00:12:59,613
I really appreciate you coming
to this showcase yourself
365
00:12:59,696 --> 00:13:01,364
and not just sending
an associate.
366
00:13:01,448 --> 00:13:03,533
You won't be sorry.
Alfie's the best.
367
00:13:03,617 --> 00:13:04,737
Don't come in!
368
00:13:04,784 --> 00:13:06,328
I said don't come in.
369
00:13:06,411 --> 00:13:07,537
Midge Maisel is here.
370
00:13:07,621 --> 00:13:09,080
Now? She's early.
371
00:13:09,164 --> 00:13:11,875
Uh, so I'll see you
Friday night, Mr. Glatter.
372
00:13:11,958 --> 00:13:13,543
Thank you. Tell Midge to wait.
373
00:13:13,627 --> 00:13:14,544
I'm here.
374
00:13:14,628 --> 00:13:15,545
I need her to wait!
375
00:13:15,629 --> 00:13:17,172
- Could you step outside?
- Really?
376
00:13:17,255 --> 00:13:19,216
She's already in. Let her stay.
377
00:13:19,299 --> 00:13:21,635
Why is she crying?
378
00:13:21,718 --> 00:13:22,969
Why are you here?
379
00:13:23,053 --> 00:13:24,638
- We had an appointment.
- At 1:00.
380
00:13:24,721 --> 00:13:27,390
No, at 11:00, and it's noon,
so I'm an hour late.
381
00:13:27,474 --> 00:13:29,935
I told her 11:00 so she'd be
here at noon! You said,
382
00:13:30,018 --> 00:13:32,079
"That fucking Miriam, she's
always an hour fucking late
383
00:13:32,103 --> 00:13:33,998
because she doesn't give a shit
about anyone but herself!"
384
00:13:34,022 --> 00:13:36,149
Thank you!
And I didn't say that!
385
00:13:36,233 --> 00:13:37,984
Well, you're here. Sit.
386
00:13:38,068 --> 00:13:40,820
Because I actually have a happy
piece of news to share with you.
387
00:13:40,904 --> 00:13:42,572
Happy news. I'm all ears.
388
00:13:42,656 --> 00:13:43,990
Took a lot of string-pulling,
389
00:13:44,074 --> 00:13:45,951
but you said
you wanted a headlining gig.
390
00:13:46,034 --> 00:13:47,452
I got you a headlining gig.
391
00:13:47,536 --> 00:13:48,453
Are you kidding?
392
00:13:48,537 --> 00:13:49,704
Thousand-seat theater.
393
00:13:49,788 --> 00:13:50,830
Good pay, too.
394
00:13:50,914 --> 00:13:52,249
Amazing. Where's the gig?
395
00:13:52,332 --> 00:13:53,416
Croatia.
396
00:13:53,500 --> 00:13:55,085
Where is that, Pennsylvania?
397
00:13:55,168 --> 00:13:57,420
The Republic of Croatia.
That's where the gig is.
398
00:13:57,504 --> 00:13:59,756
The name of the place
is in their language,
399
00:13:59,839 --> 00:14:03,843
which loosely translates
as "Make Laugh Showing Teeth."
400
00:14:03,927 --> 00:14:04,844
Croatia?
401
00:14:04,928 --> 00:14:06,638
Uh, specifically Zagreb.
402
00:14:06,721 --> 00:14:07,801
I think that's the capital.
403
00:14:07,847 --> 00:14:09,849
- It is!
- Thank you!
404
00:14:09,933 --> 00:14:11,476
It's a five-night stand,
405
00:14:11,560 --> 00:14:13,979
but the place only turns on its
electricity one night a week.
406
00:14:14,062 --> 00:14:15,582
So you would fly in
for that one night,
407
00:14:15,647 --> 00:14:17,649
do the gig, then fly back.
Then you wait six days
408
00:14:17,732 --> 00:14:19,651
and you fly back into Zagreb,
do another gig,
409
00:14:19,734 --> 00:14:21,379
- and then fly back.
- For five straight weeks?
410
00:14:21,403 --> 00:14:22,904
Now, you're gonna need shots.
411
00:14:22,988 --> 00:14:24,864
Uh, smallpox, tetanus,
diphtheria.
412
00:14:24,948 --> 00:14:26,950
Apparently
it's excruciatingly painful,
413
00:14:27,033 --> 00:14:28,636
so you want to get 'em
about a week before you go.
414
00:14:28,660 --> 00:14:30,787
Susie, I can't do all
that traveling back and forth
415
00:14:30,870 --> 00:14:32,747
to a far-off country
for one show a week.
416
00:14:32,831 --> 00:14:33,915
I'll drop dead.
417
00:14:33,999 --> 00:14:35,142
No, not if you get your shots.
418
00:14:35,166 --> 00:14:37,085
Pass.
419
00:14:38,712 --> 00:14:40,422
You said, "Make me a headliner."
420
00:14:40,505 --> 00:14:41,923
In the Western Hemisphere.
421
00:14:42,007 --> 00:14:44,217
- So it's a no.
- It's a million noes.
422
00:14:44,301 --> 00:14:46,487
So you'll warm up for Sophie
Lennon, but you won't take this?
423
00:14:46,511 --> 00:14:48,680
That was a mistake
that I won't make again.
424
00:14:48,763 --> 00:14:50,491
You know, I don't think
I can do better than this.
425
00:14:50,515 --> 00:14:52,434
Do you understand?
I mean, just last week,
426
00:14:52,517 --> 00:14:54,436
I had a pretty big guy
angling to check you out.
427
00:14:54,519 --> 00:14:56,163
I didn't even have a place
to send him to see you.
428
00:14:56,187 --> 00:14:57,105
Who?
429
00:14:57,188 --> 00:14:58,388
You ever heard of Gordon Ford?
430
00:14:58,440 --> 00:15:00,442
Really?
Gordon Ford would come see me?
431
00:15:00,525 --> 00:15:01,610
Yes. Well, no, not him.
432
00:15:01,693 --> 00:15:03,069
He's too big. But his booker.
433
00:15:03,153 --> 00:15:05,614
His booker? Well, that's
still pretty big, his booker.
434
00:15:05,697 --> 00:15:07,866
...'s intern.
His booker's intern.
435
00:15:07,949 --> 00:15:10,160
But he was really into it.
And he reports to the booker,
436
00:15:10,243 --> 00:15:11,786
and the booker reports
to Gordon Ford.
437
00:15:11,870 --> 00:15:13,639
Fine. If they really want to see
me, they can always come over...
438
00:15:13,663 --> 00:15:15,182
Before you finish
that goddamn sentence,
439
00:15:15,206 --> 00:15:18,460
these guys cannot come to an
illegal strip club to see you.
440
00:15:18,543 --> 00:15:19,979
They're too legit.
They can't be seen there,
441
00:15:20,003 --> 00:15:21,421
so they just won't do it.
442
00:15:21,504 --> 00:15:24,174
And there is no local
headlining gig for you.
443
00:15:24,257 --> 00:15:25,717
Not in the near future.
444
00:15:25,800 --> 00:15:28,136
I am working on it,
but let's be realistic.
445
00:15:28,219 --> 00:15:29,721
- I'm going to lunch.
- Good.
446
00:15:29,804 --> 00:15:31,181
Go. Take a handkerchief.
447
00:15:32,515 --> 00:15:33,993
What's the matter with her?
448
00:15:34,017 --> 00:15:37,103
Long story. Just don't make
friends, 'cause she's got to go.
449
00:15:37,187 --> 00:15:38,355
Oh. Poor thing.
450
00:15:38,438 --> 00:15:40,398
She's not professional,
you know?
451
00:15:40,482 --> 00:15:41,876
She's got these boyfriends
she's always fighting with,
452
00:15:41,900 --> 00:15:44,319
and her tiny family's
always running around.
453
00:15:44,402 --> 00:15:47,155
Too much drama,
too much trouble. A lot of snot.
454
00:15:47,238 --> 00:15:49,133
Well, I was gonna get the Alfie
showcase info from her.
455
00:15:49,157 --> 00:15:50,450
I'm bringing four with me.
456
00:15:50,533 --> 00:15:51,844
Just grab a flyer.
It's underneath that pile.
457
00:15:51,868 --> 00:15:53,953
- Which one?
- The one on the right.
458
00:15:54,037 --> 00:15:55,872
Not that one. Next to it.
459
00:15:55,955 --> 00:15:57,207
The other next to it.
460
00:15:57,290 --> 00:15:59,167
You glued to your seat
or something? Show me.
461
00:15:59,250 --> 00:16:01,753
- It's right there.
- Why aren't you standing?
462
00:16:03,046 --> 00:16:04,130
Susie?
463
00:16:04,214 --> 00:16:06,383
I'm not wearing pants.
464
00:16:06,466 --> 00:16:07,884
Really?
465
00:16:07,967 --> 00:16:09,654
No, I just thought I'd do
some light comedy for you.
466
00:16:09,678 --> 00:16:10,845
Yes, really.
467
00:16:10,929 --> 00:16:12,615
Well, so what?
I've seen you in your boxers.
468
00:16:12,639 --> 00:16:13,890
Um...
469
00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:16,142
I'm not wearing boxers.
470
00:16:16,226 --> 00:16:17,477
You're just...
471
00:16:17,560 --> 00:16:19,270
- naked down there?
- Yes.
472
00:16:19,354 --> 00:16:20,689
Don't you stick to the seat?
473
00:16:20,772 --> 00:16:22,190
It wasn't a choice.
474
00:16:22,273 --> 00:16:24,067
The phone rang,
Dinah wasn't in yet,
475
00:16:24,150 --> 00:16:25,402
and I wasn't done dressing.
476
00:16:25,485 --> 00:16:27,904
- But...
- Get all your questions
out now!
477
00:16:27,987 --> 00:16:30,699
You dress yourself completely
on the top, then do the bottom?
478
00:16:30,782 --> 00:16:31,825
Yes.
479
00:16:31,908 --> 00:16:33,660
And not, like,
start with underwear
480
00:16:33,743 --> 00:16:35,704
on top and bottom
and then move on to outerwear?
481
00:16:35,787 --> 00:16:38,289
- No.
- Susie Myerson and Associates.
482
00:16:38,373 --> 00:16:39,791
May I ask who's calling?
483
00:16:39,874 --> 00:16:41,000
Who is it, Nicky?
484
00:16:42,043 --> 00:16:44,879
It's Sandy Bishop
at McCormick/Hatlestad.
485
00:16:44,963 --> 00:16:45,964
Oh, hi, Midge.
486
00:16:46,047 --> 00:16:47,799
I have to take this.
487
00:16:47,882 --> 00:16:50,093
Submit the rest of
your questions in writing, okay?
488
00:16:50,176 --> 00:16:51,886
- I'll talk to you later.
- Close the door
489
00:16:51,970 --> 00:16:52,970
on your way out.
490
00:16:53,012 --> 00:16:54,973
Hey! Miriam!
491
00:16:55,056 --> 00:16:57,183
- Mr. Bishop, hello.
- Midge. Long time no see.
492
00:16:57,267 --> 00:16:59,269
Hi, Frank. You guys helping out?
493
00:16:59,352 --> 00:17:01,146
- Whenever we can.
- Yeah, we hooked her up
494
00:17:01,229 --> 00:17:02,707
- with this place, you know.
- I know.
495
00:17:02,731 --> 00:17:04,566
And she's very happy here.
496
00:17:04,649 --> 00:17:06,443
So, uh, you taking
the Croatia gig?
497
00:17:06,526 --> 00:17:07,646
At Make Laugh Showing Teeth.
498
00:17:07,694 --> 00:17:09,154
- Uh, no.
- Really?
499
00:17:09,237 --> 00:17:11,614
- It's a thousand-seater.
Headliner.
- With electricity.
500
00:17:11,698 --> 00:17:13,158
I can't take it
for many reasons,
501
00:17:13,241 --> 00:17:15,118
but, for one, I can't leave
the kids that long.
502
00:17:15,201 --> 00:17:17,495
Ah. So it's a family thing.
503
00:17:17,579 --> 00:17:18,580
Mainly.
504
00:17:18,663 --> 00:17:23,001
Okay. "Not taking
due to family."
505
00:17:23,084 --> 00:17:24,085
You keeping track?
506
00:17:24,169 --> 00:17:26,671
Well, you're part
of our family now, right?
507
00:17:26,755 --> 00:17:30,216
Oh. Sure. I mean, my immediate
family's growing by the second,
508
00:17:30,300 --> 00:17:32,010
- so why not?
- Miriam,
509
00:17:32,093 --> 00:17:35,138
unless I'm mistaken,
510
00:17:35,221 --> 00:17:36,723
are you expecting?
511
00:17:36,806 --> 00:17:38,600
You're glowin'
but you're not showin'.
512
00:17:38,683 --> 00:17:41,895
No. My husband
and his mysterious girlfriend
513
00:17:41,978 --> 00:17:43,396
are expecting, and...
514
00:17:43,480 --> 00:17:44,814
It's gonna be complicated.
515
00:17:44,898 --> 00:17:45,899
Mysterious, huh?
516
00:17:45,982 --> 00:17:47,066
He hardly knows her.
517
00:17:47,150 --> 00:17:48,318
Mm. Worrisome.
518
00:17:48,401 --> 00:17:50,403
At Cherry Lane.
Part of the Village.
519
00:17:51,529 --> 00:17:52,739
Midge,
520
00:17:52,822 --> 00:17:54,240
you worried about this girl?
521
00:17:54,324 --> 00:17:55,366
No.
522
00:17:55,450 --> 00:17:56,701
I mean...
523
00:17:56,785 --> 00:17:57,952
maybe a little.
524
00:17:58,036 --> 00:17:59,346
She's gonna be stepmother
to your children.
525
00:17:59,370 --> 00:18:01,015
And play an important role
in their upbringing.
526
00:18:01,039 --> 00:18:02,239
Joel didn't want to hear that.
527
00:18:02,290 --> 00:18:03,416
Mm-hmm.
528
00:18:04,417 --> 00:18:05,627
Anything else?
529
00:18:07,045 --> 00:18:08,671
Uh...
530
00:18:09,672 --> 00:18:11,216
Guess not.
531
00:18:12,258 --> 00:18:13,486
You want us
to look into this girl?
532
00:18:13,510 --> 00:18:15,136
No. No, no.
533
00:18:15,220 --> 00:18:16,137
Could you?
534
00:18:16,221 --> 00:18:17,221
- We could.
- Discreetly.
535
00:18:17,263 --> 00:18:18,181
Or not.
536
00:18:18,264 --> 00:18:20,016
No, I'd want it to be discreet.
537
00:18:20,099 --> 00:18:21,351
If I wanted it.
538
00:18:21,434 --> 00:18:22,745
Well, you're talking
to the right guys.
539
00:18:22,769 --> 00:18:24,288
We're good at getting
information out of people.
540
00:18:24,312 --> 00:18:25,512
- About people.
- About people.
541
00:18:25,563 --> 00:18:26,564
Without them knowing.
542
00:18:27,607 --> 00:18:28,650
Okay.
543
00:18:29,734 --> 00:18:31,069
Want to give us a name?
544
00:18:31,152 --> 00:18:32,987
I mean, she
probably just goes to school,
545
00:18:33,071 --> 00:18:35,114
- goes home...
- Maybe.
546
00:18:35,198 --> 00:18:37,450
Maybe not.
547
00:18:40,286 --> 00:18:41,788
And all you need's a name?
548
00:18:43,039 --> 00:18:45,166
And we will be very discreet.
549
00:18:51,756 --> 00:18:53,132
Quick! Dorothy!
550
00:18:53,216 --> 00:18:55,301
Run for the cellar!
551
00:19:04,686 --> 00:19:06,521
She told Boise right
to his face...
552
00:19:06,604 --> 00:19:08,857
Boise runs the place...
"You knock first."
553
00:19:08,940 --> 00:19:11,359
"Girls have knockers. Men
knock." That's what she said.
554
00:19:11,442 --> 00:19:13,736
Midge has always been
quietly assertive.
555
00:19:13,820 --> 00:19:15,256
One of the many reasons
why I love her.
556
00:19:15,280 --> 00:19:17,866
I worked a place in Philly once.
Had to put a sign on the door.
557
00:19:17,949 --> 00:19:18,867
"No BJs."
558
00:19:20,994 --> 00:19:22,453
So funny.
559
00:19:22,537 --> 00:19:23,663
What's a BJ?
560
00:19:23,746 --> 00:19:26,249
God, honey,
you are so sweet and innocent.
561
00:19:26,332 --> 00:19:28,084
Like an elf
riding a bunny rabbit.
562
00:19:28,167 --> 00:19:30,044
Well, I love this.
Sitting around, chatting,
563
00:19:30,128 --> 00:19:31,337
just us working girls.
564
00:19:31,421 --> 00:19:32,857
Oh, you work, sweetie?
What do you do?
565
00:19:32,881 --> 00:19:34,024
Something with ice skates,
right?
566
00:19:34,048 --> 00:19:35,258
No, I can't skate.
567
00:19:35,341 --> 00:19:37,176
I'm a mom. Plus I'm halfway
through my studies
568
00:19:37,260 --> 00:19:39,012
at the Katharine Gibbs
Secretarial School.
569
00:19:39,095 --> 00:19:42,181
- Secretarial school?
- Oh, I'd never want
to be a secretary.
570
00:19:42,265 --> 00:19:43,725
Men don't respect 'em.
571
00:19:43,808 --> 00:19:45,995
They spend all day at the office
just staring at their tits.
572
00:19:46,019 --> 00:19:48,104
- It's degrading.
- Right. Well,
573
00:19:48,187 --> 00:19:49,915
I would definitely avoid
having them do that.
574
00:19:49,939 --> 00:19:51,357
You really should learn
to skate.
575
00:19:51,441 --> 00:19:53,693
- What's up, party pooper?
- Just finished.
576
00:19:53,776 --> 00:19:55,838
With payday tomorrow,
I think I am just gonna make it
577
00:19:55,862 --> 00:19:57,631
- this month.
- Did I tell you Archie's sorry?
578
00:19:57,655 --> 00:19:59,157
- He feels so awful.
- I know.
579
00:19:59,240 --> 00:20:01,510
He put in an order to buy
56 pieces of Tupperware from me.
580
00:20:01,534 --> 00:20:03,453
It's ridiculous.
I'm not calling it in.
581
00:20:03,536 --> 00:20:05,431
He's Archie. He's trying to pay
you back whatever way he can.
582
00:20:05,455 --> 00:20:06,455
We'll get through it.
583
00:20:06,497 --> 00:20:07,790
Money comes, money goes.
584
00:20:07,874 --> 00:20:10,460
It mostly goes these days,
but que será.
585
00:20:10,543 --> 00:20:11,586
Everything okay?
586
00:20:11,669 --> 00:20:13,713
Yeah. We're just talking
about the big snatch.
587
00:20:13,796 --> 00:20:14,964
Who? Trixie?
588
00:20:15,048 --> 00:20:16,424
No. Imogene's husband
589
00:20:16,507 --> 00:20:18,134
got a bag snatched
off the street.
590
00:20:18,217 --> 00:20:19,302
Had some valuables in it.
591
00:20:19,385 --> 00:20:20,738
The valuables belonged
to my ex-husband,
592
00:20:20,762 --> 00:20:22,972
who now cannot make
his monthly payment.
593
00:20:23,056 --> 00:20:25,558
Oh, shoot, I forgot. I've got
a lead for you on a gig, Midge.
594
00:20:25,642 --> 00:20:27,393
- Hmm?
- You've heard
of John F. Kennedy?
595
00:20:27,477 --> 00:20:29,187
- Name rings a bell.
- My dad told me
596
00:20:29,270 --> 00:20:31,248
there's a big New York
fundraiser for him coming up.
597
00:20:31,272 --> 00:20:32,565
Wives For Kennedy.
598
00:20:32,649 --> 00:20:33,649
Jackie's throwing it.
599
00:20:33,691 --> 00:20:34,984
Jackie? Jackie Kennedy?
600
00:20:35,068 --> 00:20:36,837
Oh, my God. I want to be
her very best friend!
601
00:20:36,861 --> 00:20:38,404
She's John F. Kennedy's wife.
602
00:20:38,488 --> 00:20:40,049
- Her name rings a bell, too.
- They need a comedian.
603
00:20:40,073 --> 00:20:41,824
One that looks like a lady.
604
00:20:41,908 --> 00:20:43,993
It was Jackie's request.
A lady comedian.
605
00:20:44,077 --> 00:20:45,244
'Cause it's all ladies.
606
00:20:45,328 --> 00:20:47,038
- Does it pay?
- Who the hell cares?
607
00:20:47,121 --> 00:20:48,414
Kennedy. She'll do it!
608
00:20:48,498 --> 00:20:50,500
It pays.
You just can't say dirty stuff.
609
00:20:50,583 --> 00:20:51,501
She won't. She'll do it.
610
00:20:51,584 --> 00:20:53,086
I'll do it. Thanks, Gloria.
611
00:20:53,169 --> 00:20:54,545
I'll jot down the number
to call.
612
00:20:56,923 --> 00:20:58,424
So how's your dad involved
in this?
613
00:20:58,508 --> 00:20:59,717
Oh, he's a senator.
614
00:20:59,801 --> 00:21:01,761
- A senator?
- Yep.
615
00:21:01,844 --> 00:21:02,762
I don't get it.
616
00:21:02,845 --> 00:21:04,180
Are you not familiar
617
00:21:04,263 --> 00:21:06,391
with our bicameral system
of legislature?
618
00:21:06,474 --> 00:21:09,477
- No, I am.
- Because you didn't seem that
familiar with John F. Kennedy.
619
00:21:09,560 --> 00:21:11,771
Thanks for the tip, Gloria.
620
00:21:11,854 --> 00:21:13,940
Come on. Dorothy must be close
to throwing up by now.
621
00:21:14,023 --> 00:21:16,109
Hey, introduce me
to the Big Snatch.
622
00:21:22,615 --> 00:21:24,283
This is gonna be a disaster.
623
00:21:24,367 --> 00:21:26,494
What are you talking about?
You got a great turnout.
624
00:21:26,577 --> 00:21:29,163
- The bigs showed up.
- Two of 'em bailed
at the last second.
625
00:21:29,247 --> 00:21:30,957
Two guys out of what, 20?
626
00:21:31,040 --> 00:21:32,500
You did Alfie proud.
627
00:21:32,583 --> 00:21:34,061
Yeah, well,
I can't showcase you in a place
628
00:21:34,085 --> 00:21:35,725
like this,
if that's what you're thinking.
629
00:21:35,795 --> 00:21:36,838
I gave you a compliment.
630
00:21:36,921 --> 00:21:38,548
There's no booze,
and the acoustics...
631
00:21:38,631 --> 00:21:39,924
they're not funny acoustics.
632
00:21:40,008 --> 00:21:41,402
No one would laugh.
You would die in this room.
633
00:21:41,426 --> 00:21:43,511
Whoa, slow down,
I wasn't implying anything,
634
00:21:43,594 --> 00:21:45,346
I was just saying
you got a good turnout.
635
00:21:45,430 --> 00:21:47,098
And I could kill
in an unfunny room.
636
00:21:47,181 --> 00:21:48,850
I should go check on Alfie.
637
00:21:48,933 --> 00:21:50,327
You should've seen me
in Grant's Tomb.
638
00:21:50,351 --> 00:21:53,187
I had the entire tenth grade
in stitches.
639
00:21:53,271 --> 00:21:55,023
It's bigger than I thought.
640
00:21:55,106 --> 00:21:58,026
And before I spat it out,
I was really enjoying the taste.
641
00:21:58,109 --> 00:21:59,777
And you want
to get it back to them?
642
00:21:59,861 --> 00:22:00,987
But how is the question.
643
00:22:01,070 --> 00:22:02,548
Well, maybe you should stop by
a mass,
644
00:22:02,572 --> 00:22:04,049
get in the communion line,
and when it's your turn,
645
00:22:04,073 --> 00:22:05,533
just toss it back in.
646
00:22:05,616 --> 00:22:07,326
They wouldn't be
suspicious of a Jew
647
00:22:07,410 --> 00:22:09,537
tiddlywinking a communion
wafer back in the cup?
648
00:22:09,620 --> 00:22:11,831
- They'd throw holy water on me.
- Then what, flush it?
649
00:22:11,914 --> 00:22:14,101
You're going to flush the body
of Christ down the toilet?
650
00:22:14,125 --> 00:22:15,960
The poor man's been
through enough...
651
00:22:16,044 --> 00:22:18,046
Guys, it's starting.
652
00:22:24,218 --> 00:22:26,220
Hello. And welcome.
653
00:22:26,304 --> 00:22:28,806
So, right off,
a piece of good news.
654
00:22:28,890 --> 00:22:31,601
I'm not gonna bore you
with card tricks.
655
00:22:31,684 --> 00:22:33,564
You people toward the back,
you wouldn't be able
656
00:22:33,644 --> 00:22:35,396
to see much of what I was doing.
657
00:22:35,480 --> 00:22:37,148
Unless I came up
into the audience,
658
00:22:37,231 --> 00:22:40,109
and who wants to see me
come up into the audience?
659
00:22:40,193 --> 00:22:42,278
No.
660
00:22:42,361 --> 00:22:43,946
I'm gonna stay right here.
661
00:22:44,030 --> 00:22:46,365
And you'll stay there,
and this...
662
00:22:49,410 --> 00:22:51,913
...will not be part of the show.
663
00:22:51,996 --> 00:22:54,624
Now let's go forward.
664
00:22:54,707 --> 00:22:56,834
Into the past.
665
00:23:00,838 --> 00:23:02,799
My ancestors, long ago.
666
00:23:02,882 --> 00:23:04,300
Having a laugh.
667
00:23:05,760 --> 00:23:09,388
Me, in my homemade
superhero cape.
668
00:23:09,472 --> 00:23:11,808
You must be wondering
what my powers were.
669
00:23:13,184 --> 00:23:15,186
We'll get to that.
670
00:23:17,438 --> 00:23:19,607
On the Major Bowes Amateur Hour,
671
00:23:19,690 --> 00:23:21,651
I won. Cute.
672
00:23:21,734 --> 00:23:22,985
Aw!
673
00:23:24,070 --> 00:23:26,906
This hasn't even happened yet.
674
00:23:26,989 --> 00:23:29,617
Perhaps it will,
perhaps it won't.
675
00:23:29,700 --> 00:23:31,661
My family. My cape.
676
00:23:31,744 --> 00:23:34,080
My break. My future...
677
00:23:34,163 --> 00:23:36,082
My God, Rose,
678
00:23:36,165 --> 00:23:37,875
that looks like you.
679
00:23:37,959 --> 00:23:40,086
No... does it?
680
00:23:40,169 --> 00:23:41,462
He is magic, you know.
681
00:23:41,546 --> 00:23:43,297
It says in the program.
Read the program.
682
00:23:43,381 --> 00:23:46,425
Will you go on this
journey with me?
683
00:23:49,178 --> 00:23:50,930
Good.
684
00:23:51,013 --> 00:23:52,616
'Cause I've locked
all the doors from the outside.
685
00:23:52,640 --> 00:23:53,933
You don't have a choice.
686
00:23:59,480 --> 00:24:01,149
Now is the time when I ask
687
00:24:01,232 --> 00:24:02,859
for a volunteer.
688
00:24:02,942 --> 00:24:04,662
- Ooh.
- If you've raised your hand,
689
00:24:04,694 --> 00:24:06,487
you're disqualified.
690
00:24:06,571 --> 00:24:08,197
Sorry, too eager.
691
00:24:08,281 --> 00:24:09,716
I knew I shouldn't have
raised my hand.
692
00:24:09,740 --> 00:24:11,468
I get overly excited,
and that pushes people away.
693
00:24:11,492 --> 00:24:12,994
Just sometimes.
694
00:24:13,077 --> 00:24:15,163
It's the reluctant
that I like to engage.
695
00:24:15,246 --> 00:24:17,165
The hidden figures.
696
00:24:17,248 --> 00:24:19,792
The unsung souls.
697
00:24:19,876 --> 00:24:22,628
The ones
with depth we cannot see.
698
00:24:22,712 --> 00:24:24,714
I...
699
00:24:24,797 --> 00:24:26,132
choose...
700
00:24:26,215 --> 00:24:27,550
you.
701
00:24:29,218 --> 00:24:30,845
Who's he pointing to?
702
00:24:30,928 --> 00:24:32,555
I believe he's pointing to you.
703
00:24:32,638 --> 00:24:34,849
Me? I can't go up there.
704
00:24:34,932 --> 00:24:36,910
- Why not?
- Mama, go on, come on, Mama.
- Get up there, Rose.
705
00:24:36,934 --> 00:24:38,561
- Come on, Mom!
- It'll be fun!
706
00:24:38,644 --> 00:24:40,563
If not me,
I'm so happy it's you, Rose.
707
00:24:40,646 --> 00:24:41,966
Let's give her
some encouragement,
708
00:24:42,023 --> 00:24:43,149
ladies and gentlemen.
709
00:24:43,232 --> 00:24:44,358
She has no idea
710
00:24:44,442 --> 00:24:45,818
what I'm going to do with her.
711
00:24:45,902 --> 00:24:48,446
Very good!
712
00:24:48,529 --> 00:24:50,781
Come right up next to me,
young lady.
713
00:24:50,865 --> 00:24:52,909
That's it.
714
00:24:52,992 --> 00:24:55,077
Now, what's your name?
715
00:24:55,161 --> 00:24:56,412
It's Rose.
716
00:24:56,495 --> 00:24:57,538
Rose.
717
00:25:00,750 --> 00:25:03,169
Thank God
your name wasn't Cactus.
718
00:25:03,252 --> 00:25:04,545
Good one!
719
00:25:04,629 --> 00:25:06,881
Tell me a little
about yourself, Rose.
720
00:25:06,964 --> 00:25:10,468
Oh, well,
I live on the Upper West Side.
721
00:25:10,551 --> 00:25:11,802
I'm happily married.
722
00:25:11,886 --> 00:25:13,596
I have two children,
three grandchildren.
723
00:25:13,679 --> 00:25:15,431
Sounds like a wonderful life.
724
00:25:15,514 --> 00:25:17,725
Do you like your grandchildren,
Rose?
725
00:25:17,808 --> 00:25:19,518
Of course I do.
What a thing to say.
726
00:25:19,602 --> 00:25:20,895
I adore them. They're perfect.
727
00:25:20,978 --> 00:25:22,897
- Are you sleepy?
- I'm sorry?
728
00:25:22,980 --> 00:25:24,649
And what are your
grandchildren's names?
729
00:25:24,732 --> 00:25:26,484
Ethan, Esther and Chaim.
730
00:25:26,567 --> 00:25:29,362
Wonderful,
I like the rhythm of that.
731
00:25:29,445 --> 00:25:31,656
Ethan.
732
00:25:31,739 --> 00:25:33,449
Esther...
733
00:25:33,532 --> 00:25:35,159
Chaim... It's warm in here.
734
00:25:35,243 --> 00:25:36,619
It's warm in here.
735
00:25:36,702 --> 00:25:38,246
Ethan.
736
00:25:38,329 --> 00:25:39,914
Esther.
737
00:25:39,997 --> 00:25:42,667
Chaim. Do you like
your grandchildren, Rose?
738
00:25:42,750 --> 00:25:45,086
They can be little terrors.
Their parents are too lenient.
739
00:25:45,169 --> 00:25:47,046
- Oh! Low blow.
- What a meanie.
740
00:25:47,129 --> 00:25:50,258
I think we have a slander
lawsuit on our hands, ladies.
741
00:25:50,341 --> 00:25:52,301
Ethan... Esther...
742
00:25:52,385 --> 00:25:54,387
Chaim.
743
00:25:54,470 --> 00:25:56,681
- Is she being hypnotized?
- I believe so.
744
00:25:56,764 --> 00:25:59,225
- And what about your children?
- They're in the audience.
745
00:25:59,308 --> 00:26:01,018
- Look out.
- Incoming.
746
00:26:01,102 --> 00:26:02,770
Tell me about your children.
747
00:26:02,853 --> 00:26:04,814
My son is brilliant.
A mathematician,
748
00:26:04,897 --> 00:26:06,440
like his father.
749
00:26:06,524 --> 00:26:08,109
- And your daughter?
- She's like you.
750
00:26:08,192 --> 00:26:10,069
An undiagnosed schizophrenic?
751
00:26:11,279 --> 00:26:12,530
She's a performer.
752
00:26:12,613 --> 00:26:14,365
Fascinating.
753
00:26:14,448 --> 00:26:17,159
And which
of the grandkids are hers?
754
00:26:17,243 --> 00:26:18,911
Ethan.
755
00:26:18,995 --> 00:26:20,496
Esther...
756
00:26:20,579 --> 00:26:22,081
Chaim.
757
00:26:22,164 --> 00:26:23,499
Rose?
758
00:26:23,582 --> 00:26:26,210
Next time
you hear those names...
759
00:26:26,294 --> 00:26:27,837
I want you to show me...
760
00:26:27,920 --> 00:26:29,297
Show you?
761
00:26:29,380 --> 00:26:31,090
...what your daughter does.
762
00:26:31,173 --> 00:26:33,467
- Do you understand?
- Yes.
763
00:26:33,551 --> 00:26:34,635
- No.
- How?
764
00:26:34,719 --> 00:26:35,803
- What?
- Ethan...
765
00:26:35,886 --> 00:26:37,638
- What her daughter does?
- Esther...
766
00:26:37,722 --> 00:26:39,348
- What the hell?
- Chaim!
767
00:26:39,432 --> 00:26:41,892
Bubble, bubble,
768
00:26:41,976 --> 00:26:43,894
toil and trouble.
769
00:26:43,978 --> 00:26:46,397
Everyone nice
and lubricated out there?
770
00:26:46,480 --> 00:26:48,190
What the fucking hell?
771
00:26:48,274 --> 00:26:49,793
- What is this?
What's happening?
- How are you?
772
00:26:49,817 --> 00:26:51,610
How you doing
in the cheap seats?
773
00:26:51,694 --> 00:26:53,237
Did we get cheap seats?
774
00:26:53,321 --> 00:26:54,881
Now I just want you
to think about something.
775
00:26:54,905 --> 00:26:56,157
Especially you
776
00:26:56,240 --> 00:26:57,408
with your hand precariously
777
00:26:57,491 --> 00:26:58,651
close to your crotch there...
778
00:26:58,701 --> 00:27:00,328
- What did she say?
- Crotch.
779
00:27:00,411 --> 00:27:01,662
She said "crotch."
780
00:27:01,746 --> 00:27:03,331
She's never said "crotch" ever.
781
00:27:03,414 --> 00:27:04,790
This is not possible.
782
00:27:04,874 --> 00:27:06,250
Every girl
you see working tonight,
783
00:27:06,334 --> 00:27:07,918
shaking their moneymakers,
has a father.
784
00:27:08,002 --> 00:27:09,587
That's right. Me, too.
785
00:27:09,670 --> 00:27:11,464
I have a father.
Goes by Abraham.
786
00:27:11,547 --> 00:27:13,025
- Moneymakers? How does she...?
- I'm scared.
787
00:27:13,049 --> 00:27:15,301
- I'm suddenly quite scared.
- Miriam, what is this?
788
00:27:15,384 --> 00:27:17,428
He thought I'd grow up
to be the perfect lady,
789
00:27:17,511 --> 00:27:18,971
and here I am
slinging dick jokes
790
00:27:19,055 --> 00:27:20,575
in a strip club
to a bunch of drunk men
791
00:27:20,639 --> 00:27:21,974
with various degrees
of syphilis,
792
00:27:22,058 --> 00:27:23,225
so happy Father's Day!
793
00:27:23,309 --> 00:27:24,769
What kind of jokes were those?
794
00:27:24,852 --> 00:27:26,312
Dick, I believe. Dick jokes.
795
00:27:26,395 --> 00:27:28,773
- She's slinging 'em.
- This is my act.
796
00:27:28,856 --> 00:27:31,901
So my parents are living with
me now, and they bicker a lot.
797
00:27:31,984 --> 00:27:34,111
So many disagreements.
798
00:27:34,195 --> 00:27:36,048
In fact, the only time
I hear my mother agreeing
799
00:27:36,072 --> 00:27:38,908
with my father is, every couple
months they'll go to bed,
800
00:27:38,991 --> 00:27:41,202
and about ten minutes later,
I'll hear my mother saying,
801
00:27:41,285 --> 00:27:44,789
"Yes, Abe! Yes! Yes! Yes!"
802
00:27:44,872 --> 00:27:47,792
It reminds me
of sharing a common wall
803
00:27:47,875 --> 00:27:49,502
with my brother
back in the day...
804
00:27:49,585 --> 00:27:51,796
Noah, I'm sorry.
I'm really sorry.
805
00:27:51,879 --> 00:27:53,881
About what? What?
What's she going to say?
806
00:27:53,964 --> 00:27:57,468
My brother Noah was
the usual active teenager.
807
00:27:57,551 --> 00:27:59,720
No, no, he didn't play sports.
808
00:27:59,804 --> 00:28:02,139
He was active in that other
way teenage boys are.
809
00:28:02,223 --> 00:28:03,808
- Oh, God.
- Ooh.
810
00:28:03,891 --> 00:28:06,727
The slightest stimulation
sent him running to his bedroom.
811
00:28:06,811 --> 00:28:09,730
Vivien Leigh on the cover
of Time, back to the bedroom.
812
00:28:09,814 --> 00:28:12,525
Eleanor Roosevelt driving
a Jeep, back to the bedroom.
813
00:28:12,608 --> 00:28:15,319
Lassie licking her privates,
back to the bedroom.
814
00:28:15,403 --> 00:28:18,114
My God, the boy went through
the household hand cream
815
00:28:18,197 --> 00:28:19,407
like it was water.
816
00:28:19,490 --> 00:28:21,409
You still use
a lot of hand cream.
817
00:28:21,492 --> 00:28:23,994
- Yeah, well...
- Then he met his high school
sweetheart Shira.
818
00:28:24,078 --> 00:28:25,913
So madly in love.
819
00:28:25,996 --> 00:28:28,165
Made him forget
all about Eleanor Roosevelt.
820
00:28:28,249 --> 00:28:30,042
But then he pulled a switcheroo.
821
00:28:30,126 --> 00:28:32,002
Dumped the perfect balaboosta
822
00:28:32,086 --> 00:28:33,796
for a blonde shiksa
with perfect skin,
823
00:28:33,879 --> 00:28:36,382
like she stepped off the cover
of Nuremberg Monthly.
824
00:28:36,465 --> 00:28:38,259
That is
a completely made-up magazine.
825
00:28:38,342 --> 00:28:40,928
But my mother, ooh, boy,
826
00:28:41,011 --> 00:28:42,596
my mother.
827
00:28:42,680 --> 00:28:46,225
Who is a bigger flirt
than my damn mother?
828
00:28:46,308 --> 00:28:48,853
That's how we always got
the best parking space
829
00:28:48,936 --> 00:28:51,272
or talked a cop
out of giving us a ticket
830
00:28:51,355 --> 00:28:53,399
or snagged extra bagels
at the deli.
831
00:28:53,482 --> 00:28:56,026
"Oh, do make it
a baker's dozen, Ezra.
832
00:28:56,110 --> 00:28:58,237
Thank you so much. Oh."
833
00:28:58,320 --> 00:28:59,947
Does my father ever wonder
834
00:29:00,030 --> 00:29:01,991
why he's never had
to change a light bulb?
835
00:29:02,074 --> 00:29:04,118
The woman has
our building's supers
836
00:29:04,201 --> 00:29:06,579
pawing and sniffing at her
like they're horny dogs
837
00:29:06,662 --> 00:29:08,247
and she's got a rump roast
838
00:29:08,330 --> 00:29:10,624
- up her skirt.
- My God.
839
00:29:10,708 --> 00:29:12,835
- I never have had
to change a light bulb.
- Oops!
840
00:29:12,918 --> 00:29:14,462
That's my signal.
841
00:29:14,545 --> 00:29:16,297
Time to hold on
to your wheelchairs, fellas,
842
00:29:16,380 --> 00:29:19,717
'cause here comes Lorna
Luscious, sexy candy striper!
843
00:29:19,800 --> 00:29:22,094
The perfect place to stop. Rose!
844
00:29:22,178 --> 00:29:24,138
Did I miss something?
845
00:29:24,221 --> 00:29:25,931
No. Nothing. Nothing at all.
846
00:29:27,808 --> 00:29:30,769
Now stand off to the side there,
847
00:29:30,853 --> 00:29:33,689
Rose, as I say goodbye
848
00:29:33,772 --> 00:29:35,983
to the audience.
849
00:29:36,066 --> 00:29:38,777
Thank you
for joining me tonight.
850
00:29:38,861 --> 00:29:40,654
It was my great honor.
851
00:29:40,738 --> 00:29:42,907
The little boy inside me
852
00:29:42,990 --> 00:29:45,451
is grateful, as well.
853
00:29:45,534 --> 00:29:47,953
Are you still wondering
854
00:29:48,037 --> 00:29:50,915
what my superpower was?
855
00:29:50,998 --> 00:29:52,666
It was always this.
856
00:29:52,750 --> 00:29:54,168
That I could hold you.
857
00:29:54,251 --> 00:29:56,712
Your attention, your interest.
858
00:29:56,795 --> 00:29:58,589
Oh.
859
00:29:58,672 --> 00:30:00,925
And that I could make
really neat exits.
860
00:30:11,435 --> 00:30:13,854
So what happened?
You all look so strange.
861
00:30:13,938 --> 00:30:15,940
May I talk to you outside?
862
00:30:17,191 --> 00:30:18,567
Miriam.
863
00:30:18,651 --> 00:30:19,944
Miriam, my arm.
864
00:30:20,027 --> 00:30:21,904
Why in God's name
did you not tell me
865
00:30:21,987 --> 00:30:23,614
you saw me at the Wolford?
866
00:30:23,697 --> 00:30:25,282
Your stripper club?
867
00:30:25,366 --> 00:30:27,117
I've never set foot in it.
868
00:30:27,201 --> 00:30:29,828
You just recreated my act,
word for word.
869
00:30:29,912 --> 00:30:31,306
Except for the couple of words
that you rearranged
870
00:30:31,330 --> 00:30:33,415
- and improved it.
- Impossible.
871
00:30:33,499 --> 00:30:35,251
Mama!
872
00:30:35,334 --> 00:30:37,294
Okay, I went to your club.
873
00:30:37,378 --> 00:30:39,255
There was a woman in a bathtub.
874
00:30:39,338 --> 00:30:41,218
And then you came out
and did that thing you do.
875
00:30:41,298 --> 00:30:43,235
- Did he hypnotize me in there?
- Astrid, wait!
876
00:30:43,259 --> 00:30:44,885
- What did I say?
- Leave me alone!
877
00:30:44,969 --> 00:30:46,595
- Astrid, please.
- Oh, go back to Shira!
878
00:30:46,679 --> 00:30:48,389
With her pinched lips
and her blotchy skin
879
00:30:48,472 --> 00:30:50,015
and her oversized bosom!
880
00:30:50,099 --> 00:30:52,142
As if you never think
about Royceton Hobbingsworth.
881
00:30:52,226 --> 00:30:54,329
What if I do? What if I think
of what would have happened
882
00:30:54,353 --> 00:30:56,230
if Royceton hadn't
joined the Navy.
883
00:30:56,313 --> 00:30:57,898
Or gotten into that accident.
884
00:30:57,982 --> 00:30:59,650
Or slept with my mother!
885
00:30:59,733 --> 00:31:01,110
Astrid, please!
886
00:31:01,193 --> 00:31:02,695
Why did you even come see me?
887
00:31:02,778 --> 00:31:04,538
What was the point?
Just to torture yourself?
888
00:31:04,572 --> 00:31:06,740
Because I had to see for myself.
889
00:31:06,824 --> 00:31:10,244
- See what?
- The very thing that was
imperiling my business.
890
00:31:10,327 --> 00:31:12,329
- This again?
- Yes, this again.
891
00:31:12,413 --> 00:31:14,415
What you do affects me.
892
00:31:14,498 --> 00:31:16,792
And your father,
everyone around you.
893
00:31:16,875 --> 00:31:18,752
We're connected, Miriam.
894
00:31:18,836 --> 00:31:20,421
Now tell me
what I said in there!
895
00:31:20,504 --> 00:31:23,048
First of all, it's more
than every couple of months.
896
00:31:23,132 --> 00:31:24,883
Papa, not now.
897
00:31:24,967 --> 00:31:26,885
From this day forward,
I'm keeping a log,
898
00:31:26,969 --> 00:31:28,804
just so we're all
on the same page.
899
00:31:28,887 --> 00:31:31,265
And I will change
the light bulbs
900
00:31:31,348 --> 00:31:33,225
from now on, flirt.
901
00:31:33,309 --> 00:31:34,852
Mama...
902
00:31:34,935 --> 00:31:37,104
once and for all,
you have to accept what I do.
903
00:31:37,187 --> 00:31:39,106
And for the life of me,
I do not understand
904
00:31:39,189 --> 00:31:40,834
how it could possibly
affect your business.
905
00:31:40,858 --> 00:31:42,276
That doesn't matter now.
906
00:31:42,359 --> 00:31:44,320
I don't have a business anymore.
907
00:31:44,403 --> 00:31:47,364
- Because of me?
- No, because I'm giving up.
908
00:31:47,448 --> 00:31:49,658
They said stop, I will stop.
909
00:31:49,742 --> 00:31:51,994
No, you go on.
910
00:31:52,077 --> 00:31:54,079
You love what you're doing.
911
00:31:54,163 --> 00:31:56,332
You're happier now
than you've been in years.
912
00:31:56,415 --> 00:31:58,584
I did like what I was doing,
but I'm not like you.
913
00:31:58,667 --> 00:32:00,878
- I'm not a fighter.
- My journey's not so different
914
00:32:00,961 --> 00:32:02,379
from the one you're on, Mama.
915
00:32:02,463 --> 00:32:03,964
Mine just involves
more naked women
916
00:32:04,048 --> 00:32:05,466
- and dick jokes.
- Your mouth.
917
00:32:05,549 --> 00:32:07,051
Yours, too.
918
00:32:07,134 --> 00:32:08,802
It's easy to quit, but don't.
919
00:32:08,886 --> 00:32:10,888
Don't quit. Don't stop.
920
00:32:16,894 --> 00:32:18,896
Oh, man!
921
00:32:20,731 --> 00:32:22,399
What happened in there?
922
00:32:22,483 --> 00:32:24,294
Let me tell you
over a bottle or two of sherry.
923
00:32:27,363 --> 00:32:29,239
I said what?!
924
00:32:32,534 --> 00:32:34,454
You have a weakness
for men with mustaches.
925
00:32:34,536 --> 00:32:35,954
That's what they all
have in common.
926
00:32:36,038 --> 00:32:37,432
The doormen here don't
have mustaches.
927
00:32:37,456 --> 00:32:39,184
So you admit that you're
attracted to the doormen.
928
00:32:39,208 --> 00:32:41,835
- Hello.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, who are you?
929
00:32:41,919 --> 00:32:43,730
- What are you doing here?
- Explain yourself, sir.
930
00:32:43,754 --> 00:32:46,215
- Don't flirt with him.
- How is that flirting?
931
00:32:46,298 --> 00:32:47,651
There was a lilt.
You gave it a lilt.
932
00:32:47,675 --> 00:32:48,967
Are you with them?
933
00:32:49,051 --> 00:32:50,344
- Who?
- That group.
934
00:32:50,427 --> 00:32:51,970
I'm with a group.
935
00:32:52,054 --> 00:32:54,556
Guys, go inside.
Frank here is a...
936
00:32:54,640 --> 00:32:56,558
an associate of Susie's.
937
00:32:56,642 --> 00:32:58,769
It's okay. Go, go, go.
938
00:33:00,604 --> 00:33:02,940
I'll be right in.
939
00:33:05,317 --> 00:33:07,611
Midge, that girl you sent us
after, Mei Lin?
940
00:33:07,695 --> 00:33:10,197
We're backing off.
It's too hot, lava hot.
941
00:33:10,280 --> 00:33:11,865
Too hot? How so?
942
00:33:11,949 --> 00:33:13,659
Her family?
Those are dangerous people.
943
00:33:13,742 --> 00:33:15,202
You don't fuck
with those people.
944
00:33:15,285 --> 00:33:17,472
They'll just disappear you.
Like you never existed at all.
945
00:33:17,496 --> 00:33:19,331
- Oh! Aah!
- Aah!
946
00:33:19,415 --> 00:33:21,750
Julie, hi.
Sorry to startle you.
947
00:33:21,834 --> 00:33:23,043
Was that a gun?
948
00:33:23,127 --> 00:33:25,671
Yes, but it's a comedy gun.
949
00:33:25,754 --> 00:33:27,923
- Right?
- Yeah, a comedy gun.
950
00:33:28,006 --> 00:33:30,884
- Frank here is
my sometimes comedy partner.
- Like on the weekends.
951
00:33:30,968 --> 00:33:32,654
- The gun shoots
flowers out of it.
- It's a very funny gun.
952
00:33:32,678 --> 00:33:34,555
Sorry to startle you.
953
00:33:34,638 --> 00:33:37,057
You really should stop stalking
around this hallway, Miriam.
954
00:33:37,141 --> 00:33:39,309
You're right. I will stop.
955
00:33:39,393 --> 00:33:41,770
- Good night, Julie.
- Good night, Julie.
956
00:33:44,064 --> 00:33:46,066
Look, the less you know
about this girl's family,
957
00:33:46,150 --> 00:33:49,069
the better, and please
do not tell anyone
958
00:33:49,153 --> 00:33:50,946
we were snooping around them.
Anyone.
959
00:33:51,029 --> 00:33:52,573
- It didn't happen.
- Okay.
960
00:33:52,656 --> 00:33:54,825
And apologize to Julie for me.
961
00:33:54,908 --> 00:33:57,077
What happened here was
unprofessional.
962
00:33:57,161 --> 00:33:59,163
- I will.
- Okay.
963
00:34:06,837 --> 00:34:08,922
It's off to the races.
964
00:34:09,006 --> 00:34:12,509
A jaunty
Oleg Cassini flax helmet
965
00:34:12,593 --> 00:34:14,720
accessorizes this mischievous
966
00:34:14,803 --> 00:34:16,597
tri-colored dress.
967
00:34:16,680 --> 00:34:20,434
A black scroll resembling
the work of a Zen master
968
00:34:20,517 --> 00:34:24,062
accentuates the vertical
romanticism of this dress.
969
00:34:24,146 --> 00:34:26,815
The Lilly Daché hat is the icing
970
00:34:26,899 --> 00:34:29,276
on this tasty cake.
971
00:34:29,359 --> 00:34:31,445
And finally, pomegranate
972
00:34:31,528 --> 00:34:34,656
polka dots weave
through rectangular cutouts
973
00:34:34,740 --> 00:34:38,035
as a peekaboo bodice
frames the modified boatneck.
974
00:34:38,118 --> 00:34:40,287
A chic version
of a fisherman's rain hat
975
00:34:40,370 --> 00:34:42,414
completes the ensemble.
976
00:34:49,004 --> 00:34:50,839
And now for this afternoon's
entertainment,
977
00:34:50,923 --> 00:34:53,801
we have a very funny lady
who is going to tell some jokes,
978
00:34:53,884 --> 00:34:56,970
and then we'll have cake
from Gino's Pastry Shop.
979
00:34:57,054 --> 00:34:59,097
May I introduce to you,
980
00:34:59,181 --> 00:35:01,225
Mrs. Miriam Maisel.
981
00:35:10,609 --> 00:35:13,487
John F. Kennedy is
running for president.
982
00:35:14,488 --> 00:35:16,949
I know. It's great.
983
00:35:17,032 --> 00:35:19,701
Right?
We'll have a young, smart,
984
00:35:19,785 --> 00:35:22,204
handsome president,
and, boy, is he gonna be busy.
985
00:35:22,287 --> 00:35:24,122
Have you read his platform yet?
986
00:35:24,206 --> 00:35:26,142
He's got a six-point health care
plan that includes everything
987
00:35:26,166 --> 00:35:28,919
from building new hospitals
to spiffier paper gowns
988
00:35:29,002 --> 00:35:30,682
and turning the heat on
so you don't freeze
989
00:35:30,712 --> 00:35:32,172
your tush off
in the examining room.
990
00:35:33,298 --> 00:35:34,758
He's gonna give
more money to NASA
991
00:35:34,842 --> 00:35:36,844
and we are gonna send
a man to the moon
992
00:35:36,927 --> 00:35:38,846
before the Soviets.
993
00:35:38,929 --> 00:35:41,098
All these things
sound wonderful.
994
00:35:41,181 --> 00:35:43,181
What could possibly be
the downside of him winning?
995
00:35:43,225 --> 00:35:45,686
What should we,
every single woman in this room,
996
00:35:45,769 --> 00:35:48,647
be very, very afraid of?
997
00:35:51,692 --> 00:35:53,485
This.
998
00:35:53,569 --> 00:35:57,364
If he wins, this is going
to be the first lady.
999
00:35:57,447 --> 00:35:59,157
Can you imagine, you wake up,
1000
00:35:59,241 --> 00:36:02,119
your hair in curlers,
pillow creases on your face,
1001
00:36:02,202 --> 00:36:04,204
and you sit down at the table
and pick this up,
1002
00:36:04,288 --> 00:36:06,498
and see that face
first thing in the morning?
1003
00:36:06,582 --> 00:36:09,251
I mean, really, is that fair?
1004
00:36:09,334 --> 00:36:12,462
And it's not just the face
or the clothes or the poise...
1005
00:36:12,546 --> 00:36:13,857
I mean, didn't they invent
the word "poise"
1006
00:36:13,881 --> 00:36:15,007
just to describe this woman?
1007
00:36:15,090 --> 00:36:17,634
Can you picture Jackie Kennedy
1008
00:36:17,718 --> 00:36:19,136
having a bad hair day?
1009
00:36:19,219 --> 00:36:20,596
Or chipped nail polish?
1010
00:36:20,679 --> 00:36:22,931
Can you imagine her
with mustard on her shirt?
1011
00:36:23,015 --> 00:36:25,893
Or with cramps? Now, Pat Nixon,
that woman has cramps.
1012
00:36:25,976 --> 00:36:27,561
Probably every single day.
1013
00:36:27,644 --> 00:36:29,730
I'm sure Pat's a very nice lady,
1014
00:36:29,813 --> 00:36:31,416
but I feel like I know
what she looks like
1015
00:36:31,440 --> 00:36:33,233
after a night with her in-laws.
1016
00:36:33,317 --> 00:36:35,444
Exhausted, slightly drunk,
1017
00:36:35,527 --> 00:36:37,905
full of resentment,
and suddenly realizing
1018
00:36:37,988 --> 00:36:40,068
the ice pick can be used
on something other than ice.
1019
00:36:40,115 --> 00:36:42,409
But not Jackie.
1020
00:36:42,492 --> 00:36:44,369
Her in-laws love her.
1021
00:36:44,453 --> 00:36:47,039
They eat her roast
and bring her flowers.
1022
00:36:47,122 --> 00:36:49,124
She's fluent in French, Spanish
1023
00:36:49,207 --> 00:36:50,542
and Italian and Yiddish.
1024
00:36:50,626 --> 00:36:52,020
Okay, I have no proof
about the last one,
1025
00:36:52,044 --> 00:36:53,295
but I still believe it's true.
1026
00:36:53,378 --> 00:36:56,173
Do we really want a first lady
1027
00:36:56,256 --> 00:36:58,091
who looks like this on a horse?
1028
00:36:58,175 --> 00:36:59,968
Or do we want a first lady
1029
00:37:00,052 --> 00:37:02,012
who looks a little more
like the horse?
1030
00:37:02,095 --> 00:37:03,472
I mean an attractive horse.
1031
00:37:03,555 --> 00:37:05,182
I'm talking Buttermilk,
not Trigger.
1032
00:37:06,433 --> 00:37:08,685
- We women are dealing with a lot.
- - Right.
1033
00:37:08,769 --> 00:37:10,562
Do we really need
to be constantly comparing
1034
00:37:10,646 --> 00:37:13,565
ourselves...
Oh, come on!
1035
00:37:13,649 --> 00:37:16,443
Who has that kind
of perfect facial expression
1036
00:37:16,526 --> 00:37:18,195
while they're at the beach?
1037
00:37:18,278 --> 00:37:20,697
Where's the sunburn?
The sweat stains?
1038
00:37:20,781 --> 00:37:23,033
Where's the grape soda stain
from her daughter
1039
00:37:23,116 --> 00:37:24,743
throwing up on her
after the first time
1040
00:37:24,826 --> 00:37:26,703
she swung her around
in the ocean?
1041
00:37:26,787 --> 00:37:28,747
Where is the look
on Jackie's face that says,
1042
00:37:28,830 --> 00:37:30,707
"If I just let go right now..."
1043
00:37:32,376 --> 00:37:34,002
She is absolutely perfect.
1044
00:37:34,086 --> 00:37:36,213
Here's a charming,
little anecdote.
1045
00:37:36,296 --> 00:37:37,589
"When the senator lost the notes
1046
00:37:37,673 --> 00:37:38,966
for a speech
which he had planned
1047
00:37:39,049 --> 00:37:41,009
to end with a quote
from Tennyson's Ulysses,
1048
00:37:41,093 --> 00:37:43,428
Jackie bailed him out of trouble
by quickly reciting
1049
00:37:43,512 --> 00:37:44,930
the appropriate lines
from memory."
1050
00:37:45,013 --> 00:37:46,932
Oh...
1051
00:37:47,015 --> 00:37:48,934
Who are you?!
1052
00:37:49,017 --> 00:37:50,852
That was Pat Nixon asking,
1053
00:37:50,936 --> 00:37:52,729
not me.
1054
00:37:52,813 --> 00:37:54,773
That's a cute outfit.
1055
00:37:54,856 --> 00:37:56,696
That's cute, too.
Sorry, I'm just shopping now.
1056
00:37:56,775 --> 00:37:58,402
You know,
1057
00:37:58,485 --> 00:38:00,404
I used to have a dress
like this.
1058
00:38:00,487 --> 00:38:01,989
Called it my lucky dress.
1059
00:38:02,072 --> 00:38:04,074
And it was until... well,
1060
00:38:04,157 --> 00:38:06,243
that's a story for another time.
1061
00:38:09,037 --> 00:38:11,081
Nope, wrong venue.
It's a little racy.
1062
00:38:11,164 --> 00:38:13,792
There's baby carrots here.
1063
00:38:13,875 --> 00:38:16,086
We'll cover them up
with the mashed potatoes.
1064
00:38:19,006 --> 00:38:20,257
All right.
1065
00:38:24,219 --> 00:38:27,514
Well, I am recently divorced.
1066
00:38:27,597 --> 00:38:29,474
And a little lonely.
1067
00:38:29,558 --> 00:38:31,351
And a couple weeks ago,
I meet this man.
1068
00:38:31,435 --> 00:38:33,437
He seemed really nice,
very handsome,
1069
00:38:33,520 --> 00:38:35,522
and I was in my lucky dress.
Perfect combo.
1070
00:38:35,605 --> 00:38:38,275
So we go for coffee,
but the coffee place is closed.
1071
00:38:38,358 --> 00:38:40,777
And so he suggests a little
coffee at his apartment.
1072
00:38:40,861 --> 00:38:43,447
Anyhow, he was out of coffee,
so we had sex.
1073
00:38:43,530 --> 00:38:46,033
Now, I know
what you're thinking.
1074
00:38:46,116 --> 00:38:48,201
He didn't have tea? Soda?
1075
00:38:48,285 --> 00:38:50,162
Fruit can be hydrating.
How about an apple?
1076
00:38:50,245 --> 00:38:51,872
The only other option was sex?
1077
00:38:51,955 --> 00:38:53,999
Yes. It's my story,
so deal with it.
1078
00:38:54,082 --> 00:38:57,961
So we had sex and it was great.
1079
00:38:58,045 --> 00:39:00,213
When suddenly
the door flies open,
1080
00:39:00,297 --> 00:39:02,674
and this crazed woman comes in
with a little dog
1081
00:39:02,758 --> 00:39:04,134
and starts yelling
and screaming,
1082
00:39:04,217 --> 00:39:05,445
and I'm thinking,
"Who is this nut?"
1083
00:39:05,469 --> 00:39:06,904
And I was about to suggest
we call the police
1084
00:39:06,928 --> 00:39:08,513
until I realized
it was his wife.
1085
00:39:10,307 --> 00:39:11,933
I couldn't believe it.
1086
00:39:12,017 --> 00:39:14,436
I was the other woman.
I was the harlot.
1087
00:39:14,519 --> 00:39:17,314
The strumpet.
I was all the things
1088
00:39:17,397 --> 00:39:19,149
I called my husband's mistress.
1089
00:39:19,232 --> 00:39:21,318
Can you imagine
catching your husband
1090
00:39:21,401 --> 00:39:23,653
with another woman in your bed?
1091
00:39:23,737 --> 00:39:26,698
But as I was laying there,
in her bed,
1092
00:39:26,782 --> 00:39:29,201
under her sheets, I...
1093
00:39:37,834 --> 00:39:40,754
Hey, look on the bright side.
1094
00:39:40,837 --> 00:39:43,590
She got to keep my lucky dress.
1095
00:39:48,345 --> 00:39:49,721
Where's that cake?
1096
00:39:58,730 --> 00:40:00,357
Susie Myerson and Associates.
1097
00:40:00,440 --> 00:40:02,400
- Hey, got a question.
- Sure, what?
1098
00:40:02,484 --> 00:40:04,986
So, lunch tomorrow,
Dinah told me 1:30,
1099
00:40:05,070 --> 00:40:06,798
but is that what time lunch is,
or is that an hour before
1100
00:40:06,822 --> 00:40:09,092
the actual lunch because she
figures I'll be an hour late?
1101
00:40:09,116 --> 00:40:10,551
Well, if she thinks
you'll be an hour late,
1102
00:40:10,575 --> 00:40:11,855
that means
we're meeting at 2:30.
1103
00:40:11,910 --> 00:40:13,203
And she told me 12:45.
1104
00:40:13,286 --> 00:40:15,139
And she knows I won't be
more than 15 minutes late
1105
00:40:15,163 --> 00:40:16,390
'cause I'm coming
from the Upper East Side,
1106
00:40:16,414 --> 00:40:17,433
so that doesn't make sense.
1107
00:40:17,457 --> 00:40:18,726
And I know she schedules
these things
1108
00:40:18,750 --> 00:40:20,520
around my being late,
so I'm already adjusting
1109
00:40:20,544 --> 00:40:22,796
to that, so is she adjusting
to my adjustment?
1110
00:40:22,879 --> 00:40:25,149
You know, none of this matters,
because tonight's the night.
1111
00:40:25,173 --> 00:40:27,509
I'm taking Dinah out to dinner
so we can have the talk.
1112
00:40:27,592 --> 00:40:29,469
I let her pick
the place and everything.
1113
00:40:29,553 --> 00:40:30,887
Oh, the talk.
1114
00:40:30,971 --> 00:40:32,472
Yeah, my hiring/firing book
1115
00:40:32,556 --> 00:40:34,158
says you should show
as much respect as you can
1116
00:40:34,182 --> 00:40:35,535
to the person you're
canning so they don't
1117
00:40:35,559 --> 00:40:37,185
show up
and kill you or something.
1118
00:40:37,269 --> 00:40:38,562
Okay. I'll see you tomorrow.
1119
00:40:38,645 --> 00:40:39,914
And I'll have a little
something for you, too.
1120
00:40:39,938 --> 00:40:41,578
A little something?
What little something?
1121
00:40:41,648 --> 00:40:43,408
Besides a cupcake
that Ethel Kennedy touched,
1122
00:40:43,441 --> 00:40:45,503
which makes it special, I'm
bringing your cut of the gig.
1123
00:40:45,527 --> 00:40:47,154
- What gig?
- A gig. I picked up a gig.
1124
00:40:47,237 --> 00:40:48,363
I didn't get you a gig.
1125
00:40:48,446 --> 00:40:49,948
Well, it was just
a money gig I did.
1126
00:40:50,031 --> 00:40:51,324
It falls
into the money category.
1127
00:40:51,408 --> 00:40:52,492
I'm all dolled up.
1128
00:40:52,576 --> 00:40:54,452
Okay, I have to go,
1129
00:40:54,536 --> 00:40:56,163
but tomorrow
I'll be very interested
1130
00:40:56,246 --> 00:40:58,039
in hearing
about what this gig was
1131
00:40:58,123 --> 00:40:59,642
that you did
that I didn't book for you.
1132
00:40:59,666 --> 00:41:02,252
- Okay, I'll see you at 1:30.
- 12:45.
1133
00:41:02,335 --> 00:41:04,504
You clean up nice.
1134
00:41:04,588 --> 00:41:06,381
Thanks. So do you. Shall we go?
1135
00:41:06,464 --> 00:41:08,049
Sure, but, hey, you know what?
1136
00:41:08,133 --> 00:41:09,777
Why don't you take
that coat that you leave here
1137
00:41:09,801 --> 00:41:11,261
- all the time?
- Why?
1138
00:41:11,344 --> 00:41:13,544
There's been a string of
burglaries in the neighborhood.
1139
00:41:13,597 --> 00:41:15,056
Wouldn't want someone
to take it.
1140
00:41:15,140 --> 00:41:17,017
Good deal.
1141
00:41:17,100 --> 00:41:18,977
Here, I had
this bag lying around.
1142
00:41:19,060 --> 00:41:21,521
Put your coat in the bag.
1143
00:41:21,605 --> 00:41:24,441
You should take
these pictures, too.
1144
00:41:24,524 --> 00:41:26,318
- Just to be safe.
- Okay.
1145
00:41:26,401 --> 00:41:28,069
Is this something you like?
1146
00:41:28,153 --> 00:41:29,613
My nephew made it
for me at camp.
1147
00:41:29,696 --> 00:41:33,450
Yeah, throw that in. This, too.
1148
00:41:33,533 --> 00:41:35,493
Okay.
1149
00:41:35,577 --> 00:41:38,580
That is it.
1150
00:41:38,663 --> 00:41:39,831
Let's eat.
1151
00:41:42,209 --> 00:41:44,044
Chicken and waffles
with collard greens?
1152
00:41:44,127 --> 00:41:46,272
I mean, who knew this would be
an appetizing combination?
1153
00:41:46,296 --> 00:41:48,173
Well, it's good, so someone did.
1154
00:41:48,256 --> 00:41:49,841
I like people with a vision.
1155
00:41:49,925 --> 00:41:51,092
Listen, Dinah...
1156
00:41:51,176 --> 00:41:52,719
Damn, there's Hank.
Scoot to the right.
1157
00:41:52,802 --> 00:41:54,221
- Why?
- To block him.
1158
00:41:54,304 --> 00:41:56,514
- Fine.
- Little more.
1159
00:41:56,598 --> 00:41:59,359
- Little more, little more,
little more, little more, stop!
- You good?
1160
00:41:59,392 --> 00:42:00,685
- I'm good.
- Okay.
1161
00:42:00,769 --> 00:42:02,103
So, Dinah, I want to make sure
1162
00:42:02,187 --> 00:42:03,521
you're happy in this job,
1163
00:42:03,605 --> 00:42:05,398
'cause if you're not,
we need to talk.
1164
00:42:05,482 --> 00:42:06,691
Oh, I'm happy.
1165
00:42:06,775 --> 00:42:08,735
- You don't seem it.
- I'm super happy.
1166
00:42:08,818 --> 00:42:10,779
I'm happier than I've ever been
in my whole life.
1167
00:42:10,862 --> 00:42:13,698
Had a toy dog made of wood when
I was a kid. You pull the leash
1168
00:42:13,782 --> 00:42:15,702
and he wags his tail and walks
and his eyes move?
1169
00:42:15,784 --> 00:42:17,869
That brought me a ton of joy.
This is better.
1170
00:42:17,953 --> 00:42:20,580
Right, but as your employer,
I need to be happy, as well.
1171
00:42:20,664 --> 00:42:22,165
I'm trying to picture you happy.
1172
00:42:22,249 --> 00:42:23,750
It's a struggle.
1173
00:42:23,833 --> 00:42:26,020
Yeah, maybe I don't get skip-
around, all-happy-pappy happy,
1174
00:42:26,044 --> 00:42:28,046
but I am talking
satisfied employer happy.
1175
00:42:28,129 --> 00:42:29,589
See, I have to constantly be...
1176
00:42:29,673 --> 00:42:32,467
Hey, hey, sorry, y'all.
Dinner's ruined. James is here.
1177
00:42:32,550 --> 00:42:34,779
- Are you kidding me?
- I didn't bring you here
for chicken and waffles.
1178
00:42:34,803 --> 00:42:36,179
I brought you here to see James.
1179
00:42:36,263 --> 00:42:37,782
That's right.
It's a comedian doing comedy.
1180
00:42:37,806 --> 00:42:39,683
- Dinah...
- Comedy being
1181
00:42:39,766 --> 00:42:40,952
the only way
a Black man can kill
1182
00:42:40,976 --> 00:42:42,328
and have
a room full of white people
1183
00:42:42,352 --> 00:42:43,561
tell him, "Good job."
1184
00:42:43,645 --> 00:42:44,813
Sit down, James.
1185
00:42:44,896 --> 00:42:46,374
Brother, you look
like you killed somebody.
1186
00:42:46,398 --> 00:42:48,376
Look, I killed somebody, too,
so on the count of three,
1187
00:42:48,400 --> 00:42:49,985
let's both say who we killed.
1188
00:42:50,068 --> 00:42:51,903
Don't worry,
nobody's listening anyway.
1189
00:42:51,987 --> 00:42:53,697
One, two, three.
1190
00:42:53,780 --> 00:42:55,031
Bing Crosby.
1191
00:42:55,115 --> 00:42:58,451
Welched on a golf bet,
so I smoked his ass.
1192
00:42:58,535 --> 00:43:00,346
We got some folks
at the lunch counter right now,
1193
00:43:00,370 --> 00:43:01,871
they're protesting me
still talking.
1194
00:43:01,955 --> 00:43:03,957
He's super clumsy,
but I think he's funny.
1195
00:43:04,040 --> 00:43:05,458
Look,
I'm trying to be nice.
1196
00:43:05,542 --> 00:43:07,919
My mama always said
you get more with sugar
1197
00:43:08,003 --> 00:43:09,879
than you get with vinegar.
1198
00:43:09,963 --> 00:43:12,299
I guess that's why
she only got her left foot now,
1199
00:43:12,382 --> 00:43:13,383
'cause of all that sugar.
1200
00:43:14,843 --> 00:43:16,737
Yeah, I figured folks with
diabetes wouldn't laugh at that,
1201
00:43:16,761 --> 00:43:19,097
so I just learned a whole lot
about you all here.
1202
00:43:19,180 --> 00:43:21,266
Hey, hey, pour some more
syrup on that shit, brother.
1203
00:43:21,349 --> 00:43:23,435
My mama would kill me
1204
00:43:23,518 --> 00:43:25,312
if she knew
I was doing this tonight.
1205
00:43:25,395 --> 00:43:27,439
She worked her whole life
to keep me out of danger,
1206
00:43:27,522 --> 00:43:29,792
and here I am doing the most
dangerous thing you can do...
1207
00:43:29,816 --> 00:43:31,484
Interrupt Black folks
while they eat.
1208
00:43:31,568 --> 00:43:34,404
You know, I'm actually trying to
get beyond the Negro audience.
1209
00:43:34,487 --> 00:43:36,531
Because everything's
aimed at white people.
1210
00:43:36,614 --> 00:43:38,491
I mean,
that's where the money is.
1211
00:43:38,575 --> 00:43:40,493
I mean,
think about children's stories.
1212
00:43:40,577 --> 00:43:42,162
If Hansel and Gretel were Black,
1213
00:43:42,245 --> 00:43:44,789
that story would be four lines.
1214
00:43:44,873 --> 00:43:47,459
The kids leave cornbread crumbs
to follow their tracks.
1215
00:43:47,542 --> 00:43:49,336
The witch catches
up to 'em and say,
1216
00:43:49,419 --> 00:43:50,795
"What's that cornbread recipe?"
1217
00:43:50,879 --> 00:43:52,773
Together they make the greatest
cornbread of all time.
1218
00:43:52,797 --> 00:43:55,592
She forgets to eat 'em,
end of story.
1219
00:43:55,675 --> 00:43:58,595
- Black Beauty, yeah...
- You found this guy?
1220
00:43:58,678 --> 00:44:00,364
Yeah, I've seen him twice.
He just seems special.
1221
00:44:00,388 --> 00:44:02,265
- Thank you, Anna Sewell...
- Yeah.
1222
00:44:02,349 --> 00:44:03,949
- He is.
- Don't quit your day job.
1223
00:44:04,017 --> 00:44:06,853
You know, I-I don't just play
at smelly restaurants.
1224
00:44:06,936 --> 00:44:10,482
I also play a wide range
of upscale lavatories
1225
00:44:10,565 --> 00:44:13,002
- all across the tristate area.
- Where my pork chop at?
1226
00:44:13,026 --> 00:44:15,028
- Hey, Junior!
- Hey, James.
1227
00:44:15,111 --> 00:44:17,489
Dinah Ruttles. What's up?
1228
00:44:17,572 --> 00:44:19,449
This is Susie.
I told you about her.
1229
00:44:19,532 --> 00:44:21,534
Refresh my memory.
1230
00:44:21,618 --> 00:44:23,578
- I'm a talent manager.
- All right.
1231
00:44:23,661 --> 00:44:25,246
Look, I think
you're funny as hell.
1232
00:44:25,330 --> 00:44:27,290
- But...
- What?
1233
00:44:27,374 --> 00:44:29,042
There's always
a "but" with you people.
1234
00:44:29,125 --> 00:44:30,168
Don't do that.
1235
00:44:30,251 --> 00:44:32,212
Okay, fair enough,
here's the but.
1236
00:44:32,295 --> 00:44:33,963
But you got lousy segues.
1237
00:44:34,047 --> 00:44:36,091
Yeah, I know
I've got some segue issues.
1238
00:44:36,174 --> 00:44:38,051
And you meander.
You got a lot of topics.
1239
00:44:38,134 --> 00:44:40,174
- Too many.
- Well, I got a lot
of things on my mind.
1240
00:44:40,220 --> 00:44:41,638
Good. Hone it.
1241
00:44:41,721 --> 00:44:43,098
Anything else?
1242
00:44:43,181 --> 00:44:45,975
- You got management?
- Managers just take your money.
1243
00:44:46,059 --> 00:44:48,436
Oh, yeah? You got a lot
of experience with managers?
1244
00:44:48,520 --> 00:44:50,790
- I've heard things.
- Well, have you heard
that without a manager,
1245
00:44:50,814 --> 00:44:53,024
you'll be working men's rooms
for the next ten years?
1246
00:44:53,108 --> 00:44:55,235
She full of shit?
1247
00:44:55,318 --> 00:44:57,028
- Not about this.
- I want to manage you.
1248
00:44:57,112 --> 00:44:58,822
Let's try it for six months.
1249
00:44:58,905 --> 00:45:01,449
See if, at the very least, I can
get you into better bathrooms.
1250
00:45:02,826 --> 00:45:04,536
You got a card?
1251
00:45:04,619 --> 00:45:06,621
Hmm.
1252
00:45:07,872 --> 00:45:09,416
Take a fry.
1253
00:45:09,499 --> 00:45:11,584
Call me tomorrow.
I'll buy you lunch.
1254
00:45:14,629 --> 00:45:16,631
Later, James.
1255
00:45:18,383 --> 00:45:19,884
I should get home.
1256
00:45:19,968 --> 00:45:22,262
My mama gets worried
when I'm out and I don't call.
1257
00:45:22,345 --> 00:45:24,180
Here, I'll take this.
1258
00:45:24,264 --> 00:45:26,391
Oh, so I'm coming back tomorrow?
1259
00:45:26,474 --> 00:45:28,184
Yeah. Of course you are.
1260
00:45:28,268 --> 00:45:29,477
9:30, don't be late.
1261
00:45:29,561 --> 00:45:31,938
Okay, just have your pants on
1262
00:45:32,021 --> 00:45:33,523
when I get there.
1263
00:45:33,606 --> 00:45:36,234
Yeah, I almost never
not have my pants on.
1264
00:45:36,317 --> 00:45:38,611
- What's the purple?
- I'm guessing it's an eggplant.
1265
00:45:38,695 --> 00:45:41,173
- Or a grape.
- - I don't want Esther dressed as an eggplant.
1266
00:45:41,197 --> 00:45:42,883
She doesn't want Esther
dressed as an eggplant.
1267
00:45:42,907 --> 00:45:44,117
That's why the choices.
1268
00:45:44,200 --> 00:45:45,994
You got your pumpkin,
you got your carrot,
1269
00:45:46,077 --> 00:45:48,139
- you got a couple
varieties of beans.
- You hear that?
1270
00:45:48,163 --> 00:45:50,165
A pineapple would
look cute on Esther.
1271
00:45:50,248 --> 00:45:51,559
Any sweet fruit would
look good on her.
1272
00:45:51,583 --> 00:45:52,709
Just don't make her savory.
1273
00:45:52,792 --> 00:45:54,294
A sweet fruit for Esther.
1274
00:45:54,377 --> 00:45:56,272
And Ethan'll probably want
to be a banana or a carrot.
1275
00:45:56,296 --> 00:45:58,423
You know, those shapes
that boys are so obsessed with.
1276
00:45:58,506 --> 00:46:00,633
- Got it, carrot for Ethan.
- Easy-peasy.
1277
00:46:00,717 --> 00:46:02,844
- So we're good to go?
- Sure.
1278
00:46:02,927 --> 00:46:04,572
- We're good, Pop.
- I'll tell your mother.
1279
00:46:04,596 --> 00:46:06,615
Hey, Pop, why don't you stay
and have a quick drink?
1280
00:46:06,639 --> 00:46:08,141
I won't say no to that.
1281
00:46:08,224 --> 00:46:10,226
- Meet me at the bar.
- You got it.
1282
00:46:12,395 --> 00:46:14,314
So, look, I'm telling Pop
1283
00:46:14,397 --> 00:46:16,274
tonight about Mei.
About everything.
1284
00:46:16,357 --> 00:46:18,276
- I'd say it's overdue.
- I know.
1285
00:46:18,359 --> 00:46:20,069
I'm just telling you
as a courtesy.
1286
00:46:20,153 --> 00:46:22,489
They'll probably call Abe
and Rose as soon as they hear.
1287
00:46:22,572 --> 00:46:24,574
Okay. Thanks for the heads-up.
1288
00:46:24,657 --> 00:46:26,159
Pineapple and carrot's good.
1289
00:46:26,242 --> 00:46:27,577
It's gonna work.
1290
00:46:27,660 --> 00:46:30,205
I agree. Keep me posted.
1291
00:46:30,288 --> 00:46:32,707
Welcome back, you're
watching The Gordon Ford Show.
1292
00:46:32,790 --> 00:46:35,376
And we got funny man
Lenny Bruce.
1293
00:46:35,460 --> 00:46:38,129
So, Carnegie Hall, you nervous
about filling the place?
1294
00:46:38,213 --> 00:46:41,174
Not until about three seconds
ago, Gordy, no.
1295
00:46:41,257 --> 00:46:42,800
Yeah,
but you don't have
1296
00:46:42,884 --> 00:46:44,636
performance anxiety anymore,
do you, Lenny?
1297
00:46:46,221 --> 00:46:48,598
Wait a minute, wait a...
1298
00:46:48,681 --> 00:46:51,226
Wait a minute, no, no, no,
no, you know what I meant.
1299
00:46:51,309 --> 00:46:53,162
Now, come on, I-let's-let's
keep it clean here, folks.
1300
00:46:53,186 --> 00:46:54,729
Nabisco's one of our sponsors.
1301
00:46:54,812 --> 00:46:56,707
Hey, it's your audience
who's got the dirty mind.
1302
00:46:56,731 --> 00:46:58,900
Mine is clean as Anita Bryant's.
1303
00:46:58,983 --> 00:47:00,652
Well, you're gonna
fill the place.
1304
00:47:00,735 --> 00:47:02,695
- I've got confidence in you.
- Okay, look, uh...
1305
00:47:02,779 --> 00:47:06,282
I'm going to awkwardly shill
for myself here, Gordy.
1306
00:47:06,366 --> 00:47:09,369
My manager made me promise,
so here goes.
1307
00:47:09,452 --> 00:47:11,621
Uh, z-zoom in on me, guys.
1308
00:47:11,704 --> 00:47:13,706
Uh, come on.
1309
00:47:13,790 --> 00:47:15,750
There you go.
Oh, watch the cue card, though.
1310
00:47:15,833 --> 00:47:17,877
All right, that's... real...
There it is.
1311
00:47:17,961 --> 00:47:20,630
Uh...
1312
00:47:20,713 --> 00:47:23,716
Folks, this is Lenny Bruce.
1313
00:47:23,800 --> 00:47:26,803
Asking you to please, please
1314
00:47:26,886 --> 00:47:29,681
come to my show at the hall
they call Carnegie.
1315
00:47:29,764 --> 00:47:31,641
My self-esteem is at risk here.
1316
00:47:31,724 --> 00:47:34,936
A less-than-sold-out show
would shatter my fragile ego
1317
00:47:35,019 --> 00:47:37,772
and hurt something very dear
to the lawyers of America,
1318
00:47:37,855 --> 00:47:39,440
my bank account.
1319
00:47:39,524 --> 00:47:42,402
So come to my show.
1320
00:47:42,485 --> 00:47:45,738
And buy Nabisco products,
for Gordy's sake.
1321
00:47:45,822 --> 00:47:47,949
I'm telling you,
dunk a Ritz Cracker
1322
00:47:48,032 --> 00:47:51,327
in a dry whiskey... tasty, gang.
1323
00:47:51,411 --> 00:47:53,055
Okay, well, how about
we get some Ritz Crackers
1324
00:47:53,079 --> 00:47:54,879
and whiskey for everyone
in the audience, huh?
1325
00:47:58,960 --> 00:48:00,795
Let's clink, kiddo.
You know your mother.
1326
00:48:00,878 --> 00:48:02,714
She's gonna want me home
at some point.
1327
00:48:02,797 --> 00:48:05,258
L'chaim.
1328
00:48:05,341 --> 00:48:07,093
So, what's on your mind?
1329
00:48:07,176 --> 00:48:09,029
Just wanted to have a drink
with my favorite father.
1330
00:48:09,053 --> 00:48:10,722
Once more, with feeling.
1331
00:48:10,805 --> 00:48:13,224
Okay. So I know I was
a little cagey before,
1332
00:48:13,308 --> 00:48:14,767
about this girl I'm seeing.
1333
00:48:14,851 --> 00:48:16,811
- Supposedly seeing.
- There is a girl.
1334
00:48:16,894 --> 00:48:18,730
A great girl. The name's Mei.
1335
00:48:18,813 --> 00:48:20,940
May? A lovely month,
a lovely name.
1336
00:48:21,024 --> 00:48:23,234
And she is going to be a doctor.
1337
00:48:23,318 --> 00:48:24,902
So that part is true?
Good for you.
1338
00:48:24,986 --> 00:48:26,821
And it looks
like we're gonna get married.
1339
00:48:26,904 --> 00:48:28,906
Yes!
We should've gotten doubles.
1340
00:48:28,990 --> 00:48:30,366
I can fix that.
1341
00:48:30,450 --> 00:48:33,202
Married!
Your mother's gonna plotz!
1342
00:48:33,286 --> 00:48:35,622
But...
that's only the half of it.
1343
00:48:35,705 --> 00:48:37,749
Only the half?
There's another half?
1344
00:48:37,832 --> 00:48:40,126
- I'm all ears.
- Okay.
1345
00:48:40,209 --> 00:48:42,420
I'll get your waitress. Linda?
1346
00:48:50,511 --> 00:48:53,306
♪ Que será, será...
1347
00:48:56,601 --> 00:48:57,518
Shit!
1348
00:48:57,602 --> 00:48:59,771
Pop! Pop!
1349
00:48:59,854 --> 00:49:01,898
Call an ambulance!
Call an ambulance!
1350
00:49:01,981 --> 00:49:03,167
Is there a doctor in the house?
1351
00:49:03,191 --> 00:49:04,901
Any kind of doctor?
1352
00:51:16,365 --> 00:51:20,369
♪