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Paradox Protocols.
2
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The Complete Commission Guide
to Temporal Anomalies.
3
00:00:20,937 --> 00:00:23,898
Chapter 68, "The Grandfather Paradox."
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{\an8}It's New Jersey, 1953,
5
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{\an8}and Elmer Tatelman hates his grandfather.
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Elmer blames everything
on his grandfather.
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His mother's pain, his father's death,
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and his own sad life.
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How many times do I have to tell you,
no goddamn peas!
10
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You don't like what I cook,
you can make it yourself!
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This could have been
just another sad tale about soup,
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except for one thing.
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{\an8}Elmer is about to invent…
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…time travel.
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You see, Elmer has decided
the key to his future happiness
16
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is to go back in time
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{\an8}and kill his grandfather.
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Sidney Tatelman?
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That's me.
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Whoa!
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Elmer completed his mission,
but he's made one crucial mistake.
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He went too far back in time.
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{\an8}You're so beautiful.
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Oh baby!
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You see,
murdering his grandfather in 1905
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meant that Elmer's mother
didn't exist to meet his father in 1925.
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Which made certain
that Elmer himself was never born.
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Elmer killed his grandfather,
so his mother was never born.
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But if his mother was never born,
Elmer no longer exists.
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But if Elmer no longer exists,
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how could he possibly kill
his grandfather?
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And around and around we go.
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Elmer has created a paradox,
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{\an8}the grandfather paradox.
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{\an8}The most pernicious problem
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{\an8}in The Commission Handbook
of Paradox Protocols.
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This story is not true.
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But if it were, Elmer would have placed
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time, space,
and every living thing in grave peril.
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Don't be an Elmer!
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Bravo!
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We've been lucky so far.
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With your help, constant vigilance,
and a little strategic violence,
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the Commission will make certain
nothing like this ever happens.
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Or God help us all.
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Bravo!
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Go on. Go!
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{\an8}But when will I see you again?
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{\an8}Go on. Go before someone sees you.
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Mmm.
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Beautiful evening, isn't it?
52
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- Yeah. How much, chief?
- Two bucks.
53
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Two.
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Oh, and, uh…
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Some of…
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Some of those.
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Condoms?
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For sex.
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Which is a thing I do now.
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Anything else?
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Anything else… Hmm.
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Well,
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shit.
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Hey, did you...
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- I'm so confused.
- Shocking.
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Well, someone killed our mothers,
so we shouldn't exist.
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But clearly, we do exist,
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and the universe can't handle it,
which is a problem.
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Big problem.
70
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- Yah!
- Stanley!
71
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Now is not the time
to be doing karate, okay?
72
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- Mom said I need to practice.
- Yeah, well, she's not wrong.
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- You're very bad.
- Well, I saved your pathetic ass.
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Okay, hold on.
Five, so we caused a paradox.
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- What does that mean?
- It's hard to say.
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It's all been theoretical until now,
but things have started to disappear.
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What things?
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Right now?
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Uh, lobsters.
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And a shit ton of cows!
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But I have a feeling
this is just the beginning.
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A feeling? Aren't you retired?
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I want nothing more.
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You know, you can't drag us through hell
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because you have an itch
only an apocalypse can scratch
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and then expect us
to deal with the fallout.
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You're not the boss.
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Fine, I'm the messenger,
89
00:06:00,902 --> 00:06:03,404
and I'm telling you
something terrible is coming.
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Then let's go attack the Sparrows,
get the briefcase, and go home.
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This is our home, Allison. Accept it.
92
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- That's it! I'm telling your mom.
- Ooh!
93
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Wait, where's Lila?
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00:06:16,918 --> 00:06:18,753
Shower. I told her she could stay with us.
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Wait. When did Lila get back?
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Five, where you going?
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Go talk to somebody
who only has half her head up her ass.
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Don't leave, Five. Don't leave.
99
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No, Klaus. I'm leaving.
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I mean, he has a good track record
with this stuff.
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- I feel like we should listen to him.
- Sure.
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Hey, quick question.
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Cobra Kai! Yeah!
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Do none of you heartless bastards
care about our murdered moms?
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Klaus, the only one that we knew
plugged into a wall.
106
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Oh yeah? Well, this is my real mother.
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And she's called Rachel.
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And I have her eyes.
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See?
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Come on!
111
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We need to find out who did this!
This is the thing!
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This is the main thing!
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- Is that all you want?
- Yeah.
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'Cause it's obviously Dad, all right?
He knew where we were born.
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He hated us in '63. Boom. Murders.
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You think Dad is capable
of killing innocent people?
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Absolutely.
118
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Oh, it's Murder City, buddy.
119
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Yeah, I guess so.
120
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Little late for a meeting, pal.
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I was being held captive.
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By the Sparrows.
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What?
124
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Wait. Did none of you notice?
125
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- We're happy you're home safe and sound.
- Yeah. Oh my God.
126
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- Stop lying.
- Oh yeah. Okay. Nice.
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- Did they hurt you?
- Who? The Sparrows?
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God, no. Not at all. Excellent hosts.
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Really quite charming, actually.
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Oh, and you should see their gym.
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Outstanding!
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I really think
we got these guys all wrong.
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Says the guy they kidnapped.
134
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What did they want?
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Oh. Marcus.
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He's missing.
137
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- They want him back. Unharmed.
- We don't have him.
138
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Well,
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damn.
140
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I was hoping we'd solve that one quickly
and then move on to problem number two.
141
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Disappearing people.
142
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Ooh!
143
00:08:09,739 --> 00:08:12,325
- Uh, it was… it was the wind.
- Who's the kid?
144
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The hell are you doing in here?
145
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Shaving my nest, you little perv.
146
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Don't flatter yourself, Lila.
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I like my women a little less likely
to kill me in my sleep.
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- We're learning so much about each other.
- Mm.
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All right, enough.
150
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I'd forgotten how much I hate you,
you puny little turd.
151
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The feeling's mutual, Lila.
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As much as I'd love to stand here
shivving each other,
153
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I have bigger concerns than you.
154
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Yeah? Like what?
155
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What do you know
about the grandfather paradox?
156
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Well, I read the same training manuals
as you did.
157
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- Why?
- Because it's happening.
158
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- You being stupid?
- Hand over your briefcase.
159
00:09:50,339 --> 00:09:53,801
I need to go to Herb and find out
how he let things get so cocked up.
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Over there with my knickers.
Toss them to me, will you?
161
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Lila,
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why is it you have two briefcases?
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Mmm.
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One's yours. Nicked it from the Sparrows.
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Go on. Give it a go.
166
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First, we try yours.
167
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And then we try mine.
168
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Yeah.
169
00:10:33,716 --> 00:10:35,176
This can't be happening.
170
00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:37,887
The odds of one of them failing,
it's in the millions.
171
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- But two of them…
- Astronomical. Yeah.
172
00:10:40,765 --> 00:10:43,643
So, what does that mean exactly?
173
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End of the world?
174
00:10:45,811 --> 00:10:47,605
Oh, it's much worse than that.
175
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It means you and I
176
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are gonna have to work together.
177
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Shit.
178
00:10:56,447 --> 00:10:58,908
Discipline.
That's what you need to learn.
179
00:10:58,991 --> 00:11:01,410
When I was your age,
I was up at dawn, all right?
180
00:11:01,494 --> 00:11:03,788
I was training, honing my skills.
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The biggest thing,
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- I was becoming a real man.
- Right.
183
00:11:08,250 --> 00:11:10,878
Is that why you wear those tight pants?
184
00:11:10,961 --> 00:11:12,296
- Lila?
- Hmm?
185
00:11:12,838 --> 00:11:14,548
You need to take this kid with you.
186
00:11:14,632 --> 00:11:17,093
- The hell were you doing in there?
- Bathing.
187
00:11:17,176 --> 00:11:18,594
- Together?
- Oh, okay.
188
00:11:18,678 --> 00:11:22,139
Diego, we don't have time for this.
Lila and I have got important shit to do.
189
00:11:22,223 --> 00:11:24,809
- Wait. What's more important than family?
- Hey, love.
190
00:11:24,892 --> 00:11:26,394
End of the world, genius.
191
00:11:27,937 --> 00:11:28,937
Lila?
192
00:11:30,356 --> 00:11:31,857
What's more important than us?
193
00:11:31,941 --> 00:11:33,526
There is no us, Diego.
194
00:11:36,195 --> 00:11:37,196
Come here.
195
00:11:39,740 --> 00:11:42,243
- What do you mean?
- Look, for you, it's been a couple days.
196
00:11:42,326 --> 00:11:45,705
For me, it has been over a decade.
I've moved on.
197
00:11:45,788 --> 00:11:48,916
I've slept with many, many people. Many.
198
00:11:50,668 --> 00:11:54,797
The only relationship we have left
is the one with our child.
199
00:11:56,173 --> 00:11:57,925
So you better not screw that up.
200
00:11:58,008 --> 00:12:00,386
Wait! What am I supposed to do
with him, huh?
201
00:12:00,886 --> 00:12:02,513
I got important shit going on too!
202
00:12:02,596 --> 00:12:03,639
I doubt that.
203
00:12:04,682 --> 00:12:06,851
Figure it out, Diego. Be a dad.
204
00:12:12,022 --> 00:12:13,691
How many is "many people"?
205
00:12:13,774 --> 00:12:16,068
Way more than you, Papi.
206
00:12:20,030 --> 00:12:23,325
So, all the people on the street
just disappeared?
207
00:12:23,409 --> 00:12:26,078
Well, no, not all of them,
just… half of them.
208
00:12:26,162 --> 00:12:28,038
Five did say animals were disappearing.
209
00:12:28,122 --> 00:12:30,207
Okay, well, now it's definitely people.
210
00:12:30,291 --> 00:12:33,502
Marcus was supposed to meet up
with us earlier, but he never showed.
211
00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:35,880
What, you think this grandfather thing
ate Marcus?
212
00:12:35,963 --> 00:12:39,341
- It can't just be a coincidence, right?
- Great.
213
00:12:39,425 --> 00:12:42,344
Now those Sparrow psychopaths
think we took their Number One.
214
00:12:42,428 --> 00:12:43,988
We're never getting the briefcase back.
215
00:12:45,931 --> 00:12:47,099
Okay, what if…
216
00:12:48,809 --> 00:12:50,686
What if we just told the truth?
217
00:12:51,395 --> 00:12:55,024
Marcus is gone,
and maybe we're partially responsible.
218
00:12:55,107 --> 00:12:56,859
That'll go well.
They'll throw us a party.
219
00:12:56,942 --> 00:12:58,736
I bet they throw fantastic parties.
220
00:12:58,819 --> 00:13:02,281
Listen. Marcus was ready
to give us back the briefcase.
221
00:13:02,364 --> 00:13:05,451
If the rest of his family
are even half as open-minded, you know,
222
00:13:05,534 --> 00:13:08,621
maybe we can come to some kind of
an agreement, get it back.
223
00:13:08,704 --> 00:13:09,997
Yeah, yeah. Okay.
224
00:13:10,080 --> 00:13:13,417
Well, if you guys are heading over there,
I should probably come along.
225
00:13:13,501 --> 00:13:15,336
You know, uh, for protection.
226
00:13:19,381 --> 00:13:20,381
Yeah.
227
00:13:21,926 --> 00:13:22,926
Nice try, Stockholm.
228
00:13:24,094 --> 00:13:25,387
Your ass is staying here.
229
00:13:25,471 --> 00:13:26,471
Wha...?
230
00:13:27,473 --> 00:13:28,658
- She's right.
- What?
231
00:13:28,682 --> 00:13:30,851
Who put you two in charge?
232
00:13:30,935 --> 00:13:32,186
Look, Allison…
233
00:13:33,437 --> 00:13:35,523
She needs something
to take her mind off Claire.
234
00:13:35,606 --> 00:13:37,274
So, we'll handle this.
235
00:13:37,775 --> 00:13:39,276
Yeah. Copy.
236
00:13:39,819 --> 00:13:40,945
Hey, um…
237
00:13:41,612 --> 00:13:43,197
Thanks for looking out for her.
238
00:14:04,301 --> 00:14:07,763
We're getting tons of missing person
complaints in a three-block radius.
239
00:14:07,847 --> 00:14:10,182
- I was thinking hysteria.
- What are they up to?
240
00:14:10,266 --> 00:14:11,266
Who?
241
00:14:11,767 --> 00:14:13,269
The Umbrella Academy.
242
00:14:13,352 --> 00:14:15,354
Use your head, Number Two.
243
00:14:16,313 --> 00:14:19,775
First Marcus, now they're
grabbing civilians off the streets?
244
00:14:19,859 --> 00:14:20,860
"Number Two"?
245
00:14:21,944 --> 00:14:23,737
I suppose that means
you're Number One now?
246
00:14:23,821 --> 00:14:25,447
Marcus is missing.
247
00:14:26,407 --> 00:14:27,700
I'm taking the reins.
248
00:14:30,578 --> 00:14:33,080
What? You think it should be you?
249
00:14:35,457 --> 00:14:37,042
You had your chance once.
250
00:14:38,127 --> 00:14:40,170
Didn't turn out too well, now, did it?
251
00:14:48,721 --> 00:14:49,889
Say that again.
252
00:15:02,359 --> 00:15:05,195
Excuse me.
Children, do you mind if I clean up?
253
00:15:05,279 --> 00:15:06,279
Do it quickly.
254
00:15:11,660 --> 00:15:13,787
- You know I respect Marcus.
- Of course.
255
00:15:13,871 --> 00:15:15,390
- I'd do anything to protect him.
- Sure.
256
00:15:15,414 --> 00:15:18,542
But we've been Numbers Two and Three
for far too long, Fei.
257
00:15:18,626 --> 00:15:19,919
With Marcus gone,
258
00:15:20,961 --> 00:15:22,004
it's moving day.
259
00:15:24,089 --> 00:15:25,341
Change can be good.
260
00:15:25,424 --> 00:15:26,424
Think about it.
261
00:15:26,467 --> 00:15:29,261
You, me, center stage.
262
00:15:29,345 --> 00:15:31,138
Taking things to the next level.
263
00:15:32,222 --> 00:15:34,892
So how do we handle
the Umbrella situation?
264
00:15:34,975 --> 00:15:38,145
If they bring Marcus back, so be it.
265
00:15:41,190 --> 00:15:42,316
If they don't,
266
00:15:43,859 --> 00:15:45,986
then we have some decisions to make.
267
00:15:46,862 --> 00:15:49,073
Marcus isn't coming back. God took him.
268
00:15:49,156 --> 00:15:50,240
God?
269
00:15:52,534 --> 00:15:55,120
Yes, God is in the basement,
270
00:15:55,621 --> 00:15:57,164
and he called Marcus home.
271
00:16:01,585 --> 00:16:04,213
- Does she need a checkup?
- Focus, Fei.
272
00:16:04,296 --> 00:16:05,798
We play this right,
273
00:16:06,382 --> 00:16:09,593
Sparrow Academy is all ours.
274
00:16:27,945 --> 00:16:29,154
Chet, hold my calls.
275
00:16:29,238 --> 00:16:30,698
- No.
- Good man.
276
00:16:34,743 --> 00:16:35,953
Can I get a room?
277
00:16:37,371 --> 00:16:38,998
Yes, sir, right with you.
278
00:16:39,957 --> 00:16:42,352
We interrupt
today's regularly scheduled program
279
00:16:42,376 --> 00:16:44,378
to bring you this late-breaking story.
280
00:16:44,461 --> 00:16:45,796
Authorities are baffled
281
00:16:45,879 --> 00:16:48,382
as hundreds of people
across the city have vanished,
282
00:16:48,465 --> 00:16:50,467
seemingly without a trace…
283
00:16:50,551 --> 00:16:52,803
Another silly conspiracy theory.
284
00:16:52,886 --> 00:16:57,599
…have increased by a staggering 500%
in recent days.
285
00:16:57,683 --> 00:17:01,353
However, with no bodies found,
no suspects, and no explanation,
286
00:17:01,437 --> 00:17:03,731
police have been scrambling to…
287
00:17:18,078 --> 00:17:19,078
You're one short.
288
00:17:20,414 --> 00:17:24,126
- Where's the rest of your pathetic family?
- Aww. Is that the best you can do?
289
00:17:24,209 --> 00:17:25,377
Last warning.
290
00:17:25,461 --> 00:17:28,338
Yeah, you don't get to warn me about shit,
Flock of She-Gulls.
291
00:17:32,801 --> 00:17:33,801
Whatever.
292
00:17:34,803 --> 00:17:36,930
Where the fuck is Marcus?
293
00:17:37,014 --> 00:17:38,474
Marcus is, uh…
294
00:17:39,058 --> 00:17:40,350
Marcus, uh…
295
00:17:40,434 --> 00:17:41,434
Marcus is...
296
00:17:41,477 --> 00:17:42,644
Safe.
297
00:17:44,021 --> 00:17:45,397
For now.
298
00:17:45,481 --> 00:17:48,317
But that'll change real quick
if you don't do exactly as we say.
299
00:17:49,068 --> 00:17:51,278
See? I told you they have him.
300
00:17:51,361 --> 00:17:53,739
I warned Marcus, but no.
301
00:17:53,822 --> 00:17:56,241
He said we had
to hear what you had to say.
302
00:17:56,325 --> 00:17:59,495
Look, he wasn't wrong, okay?
We want to make things right with you...
303
00:17:59,578 --> 00:18:00,996
By kidnapping our brother?
304
00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:02,164
- No, that's...
- Yes.
305
00:18:05,793 --> 00:18:08,170
Look, there is a lot more going on here.
306
00:18:08,253 --> 00:18:09,880
The world is in trouble,
307
00:18:10,547 --> 00:18:12,424
and we need to work together.
308
00:18:12,508 --> 00:18:15,719
My brother could explain it all
a lot better than me,
309
00:18:15,803 --> 00:18:18,806
but… it's a time-traveling problem.
310
00:18:19,515 --> 00:18:23,393
We caused a paradox,
and that paradox is swallowing things.
311
00:18:24,019 --> 00:18:27,439
Lots of cows, and a dog,
312
00:18:27,523 --> 00:18:28,941
a few lobsters,
313
00:18:29,691 --> 00:18:31,777
but also people.
314
00:18:32,277 --> 00:18:33,477
Look, I know it sounds like...
315
00:18:33,529 --> 00:18:36,448
Just give us the briefcase,
and we'll give you Marcus.
316
00:18:36,532 --> 00:18:37,366
What briefcase?
317
00:18:37,449 --> 00:18:39,243
The one we left in your house.
318
00:18:40,369 --> 00:18:41,369
Deal.
319
00:18:41,829 --> 00:18:43,872
The briefcase for our brother.
320
00:18:45,165 --> 00:18:46,165
Great.
321
00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:50,087
Hotel Obsidian, four o'clock sharp.
322
00:18:51,088 --> 00:18:52,923
Or we'll send him back
in pieces.
323
00:19:08,438 --> 00:19:09,773
Oh… Woof!
324
00:19:10,649 --> 00:19:12,401
Ooh, that takes me back.
325
00:19:14,945 --> 00:19:15,945
All right.
326
00:19:37,676 --> 00:19:38,836
Whoa, what the hell was that?
327
00:19:38,886 --> 00:19:41,305
What? You were losing them.
I'm an actor, I improvised.
328
00:19:41,388 --> 00:19:44,141
Superb performance, Helen Mirren,
but we don't have Marcus.
329
00:19:44,224 --> 00:19:45,350
Well, they don't know that.
330
00:19:45,434 --> 00:19:47,769
What are we gonna do
when they show up and find out?
331
00:19:47,853 --> 00:19:50,606
I don't know. We'll figure that out next.
But why don't you relax?
332
00:19:50,689 --> 00:19:53,209
We're powerful superheroes.
It's time we started acting like it.
333
00:19:53,233 --> 00:19:55,694
Oh, like how you almost
turned a conversation with Ben
334
00:19:55,777 --> 00:19:57,237
into a street fight?
335
00:19:57,321 --> 00:19:59,361
- Come on, it's not like you.
- What does that mean?
336
00:19:59,990 --> 00:20:03,994
Since when do you have a hair trigger?
You're usually the calm and cool one.
337
00:20:04,077 --> 00:20:06,455
Yeah, and look how well
that worked out for me.
338
00:20:06,538 --> 00:20:09,875
Viktor, we could go home tonight, okay?
339
00:20:09,958 --> 00:20:13,378
And for the first time in days,
I feel hope, so please don't step on that.
340
00:20:14,338 --> 00:20:17,716
Okay, but come on,
we have to be smarter about this.
341
00:20:17,799 --> 00:20:19,635
We don't know enough about the Sparrows.
342
00:20:19,718 --> 00:20:22,512
I don't give a shit about them.
I've got you.
343
00:20:22,596 --> 00:20:25,307
No one's gonna win a fight
against me and my tiny badass brother.
344
00:20:27,851 --> 00:20:30,812
Okay.
Well, I need the briefcase too.
345
00:20:31,939 --> 00:20:33,774
It's my only way back to Sissy.
346
00:20:33,857 --> 00:20:35,776
But no more improvising, okay?
347
00:20:36,985 --> 00:20:39,571
We do things together from now on, got it?
348
00:20:41,907 --> 00:20:43,033
Got it.
349
00:20:57,965 --> 00:21:00,342
- What are you doing?
- What are you doing?
350
00:21:00,842 --> 00:21:04,513
Security assessment.
Our enemies can attack us from anywhere.
351
00:21:05,180 --> 00:21:06,223
That's cool.
352
00:21:06,723 --> 00:21:07,975
No, that is not cool.
353
00:21:08,058 --> 00:21:09,810
But lucky for everyone, I'm on it.
354
00:21:09,893 --> 00:21:11,436
The trick is to be prepared.
355
00:21:11,520 --> 00:21:14,731
Now, I need you to stay away from
the hotel for a few hours, all right?
356
00:21:14,815 --> 00:21:17,234
It's not safe. Go buy some donuts.
357
00:21:17,317 --> 00:21:18,694
I'm allergic to donuts.
358
00:21:18,777 --> 00:21:21,280
What do you mean,
you're allergic to donuts?
359
00:21:21,363 --> 00:21:22,364
You also hate fun?
360
00:21:22,447 --> 00:21:24,616
- It's the gluten, ass hat.
- Hey, watch your mouth.
361
00:21:24,700 --> 00:21:27,494
Stop trying to get rid of me.
Everyone tries to do that.
362
00:21:27,577 --> 00:21:29,079
Maybe just try being less annoying.
363
00:21:29,162 --> 00:21:31,373
Oh my God. You're bad at this.
364
00:21:31,456 --> 00:21:34,334
Just go somewhere
for a few hours, all right?
365
00:21:34,418 --> 00:21:35,919
It's a big city. Have fun.
366
00:21:36,003 --> 00:21:39,131
Mom would never let me
walk around a strange city all on my own.
367
00:21:39,214 --> 00:21:40,090
She doesn't trust me.
368
00:21:40,173 --> 00:21:42,259
That's because she's a terrible person.
369
00:21:42,759 --> 00:21:43,927
And I'm amazing.
370
00:21:44,011 --> 00:21:45,011
Remember that.
371
00:21:45,929 --> 00:21:46,929
It's eight dollars.
372
00:21:46,972 --> 00:21:49,891
That's a month's salary for a kid.
Get outta here.
373
00:21:54,771 --> 00:21:56,273
I'm so good at this.
374
00:22:24,468 --> 00:22:25,927
Oh, thank God.
375
00:22:34,061 --> 00:22:35,312
Have at you!
376
00:22:42,486 --> 00:22:44,166
- Did you do it?
- How did you get in here?
377
00:22:44,196 --> 00:22:46,281
Did you kill our moms?
378
00:22:46,865 --> 00:22:49,659
Moms? What in the world
are you talking about?
379
00:22:50,577 --> 00:22:51,661
Please just…
380
00:22:53,205 --> 00:22:57,000
Please just tell me whether or not
you killed them, and then I'll leave.
381
00:22:57,084 --> 00:22:58,126
I promise.
382
00:22:59,419 --> 00:23:01,755
I don't care enough about you to lie.
383
00:23:02,672 --> 00:23:04,633
Do I look fit to murder anyone?
384
00:23:06,218 --> 00:23:09,846
Well, maybe not now, but…
385
00:23:09,930 --> 00:23:11,390
On your feet, boy.
386
00:23:12,891 --> 00:23:15,936
- You're the drunk one, aren't you?
- No, no. I'm Klaus.
387
00:23:16,019 --> 00:23:18,271
I'm the… spiritual one.
388
00:23:21,942 --> 00:23:24,111
All right,
Reg, you know the drill.
389
00:23:24,194 --> 00:23:25,862
Pills, bills, and num-nums.
390
00:23:25,946 --> 00:23:27,155
I'm not hungry.
391
00:23:27,239 --> 00:23:30,742
Come on. I'm really not in the mood
for your bullshit today.
392
00:23:39,418 --> 00:23:41,378
Get a move on.
393
00:23:43,213 --> 00:23:44,213
Sit.
394
00:23:49,136 --> 00:23:50,136
Now…
395
00:23:51,096 --> 00:23:53,140
- What is this?
- Doesn't concern you, old man.
396
00:23:53,223 --> 00:23:54,558
We say sign, you sign.
397
00:23:58,895 --> 00:24:00,689
Don't make me get Christopher.
398
00:24:12,492 --> 00:24:13,785
You're a champ, Reg.
399
00:24:20,917 --> 00:24:23,712
Woo! Jesus, Reggie. You stink.
400
00:24:32,304 --> 00:24:35,056
Hurry up, douche bag. I'm starving.
401
00:24:35,140 --> 00:24:37,225
I'm telling the robot to give you a bath.
402
00:24:51,531 --> 00:24:53,783
My God, Dad.
403
00:24:56,119 --> 00:24:57,454
What happened to you?
404
00:25:06,713 --> 00:25:09,799
If they left a briefcase behind,
Grace will know where it is.
405
00:25:10,884 --> 00:25:14,221
You don't think it's weird
that they "forgot" something here?
406
00:25:14,304 --> 00:25:17,557
What if it's a trap?
What if we open it and it explodes?
407
00:25:17,641 --> 00:25:19,684
Please. They aren't that smart.
408
00:25:22,354 --> 00:25:24,814
Grace? What the hell's
going on down here?
409
00:25:29,194 --> 00:25:30,320
Sweet Jesus.
410
00:25:33,990 --> 00:25:37,494
Jesus is one
possible interpretation of this deity.
411
00:25:37,577 --> 00:25:40,914
Or perhaps it's the reincarnation
of Buddha or Brahma the Creator.
412
00:25:40,997 --> 00:25:42,541
Yeah, yeah, whatever.
413
00:25:44,626 --> 00:25:46,336
Be careful, Number Two.
414
00:25:46,419 --> 00:25:49,381
You don't want to disturb his slumber.
415
00:25:49,464 --> 00:25:52,133
Who knows who the waking god
will choose next.
416
00:25:54,177 --> 00:25:56,096
Grace, is this what took Marcus?
417
00:25:56,179 --> 00:25:58,390
He went right up and touched it.
418
00:25:58,974 --> 00:26:00,308
Brazen man.
419
00:26:00,809 --> 00:26:03,770
The light of the Lord
is too much for mere mortals.
420
00:26:03,853 --> 00:26:06,022
Grace, when did God get here?
421
00:26:06,106 --> 00:26:08,567
Two days ago, with our new visitors.
422
00:26:26,459 --> 00:26:27,544
Nice suit.
423
00:26:28,336 --> 00:26:31,590
Thanks. Tailor in the lobby
is a master craftsman.
424
00:26:31,673 --> 00:26:33,675
Still, I will miss those pasty knees.
425
00:26:34,342 --> 00:26:37,554
Yeah, well, we could all stand to be
showing a little less skin these days.
426
00:26:37,637 --> 00:26:39,347
For you.
427
00:26:40,724 --> 00:26:41,724
Yeah.
428
00:26:46,187 --> 00:26:48,189
Ready to hot-wire this briefcase?
429
00:26:49,858 --> 00:26:50,984
Let's do this.
430
00:26:51,067 --> 00:26:52,193
Ah shit!
431
00:26:57,490 --> 00:26:58,992
Shit! Lila!
432
00:27:04,039 --> 00:27:05,206
Shit!
433
00:27:08,460 --> 00:27:10,879
Yeah, I was 99% sure that wouldn't work.
434
00:27:11,504 --> 00:27:13,006
Well, I'm glad my pain amuses you.
435
00:27:13,089 --> 00:27:15,425
You have no idea. It's like my therapy.
436
00:27:15,508 --> 00:27:18,762
Well, now we are down
to one half-dead briefcase,
437
00:27:18,845 --> 00:27:21,348
and my jumps are only accurate
up to a couple minutes.
438
00:27:21,431 --> 00:27:24,059
So, essentially, we're screwed.
439
00:27:24,142 --> 00:27:25,143
Maybe.
440
00:27:25,644 --> 00:27:26,645
Maybe not.
441
00:27:28,563 --> 00:27:29,773
Oh, I hate that smile.
442
00:27:29,856 --> 00:27:32,859
Listen, on your own,
your little jumps are rather pathetic.
443
00:27:32,942 --> 00:27:35,236
But if we powered up together,
444
00:27:35,320 --> 00:27:37,864
you blinking, me mimicking that blink,
445
00:27:37,947 --> 00:27:40,075
I think we could create
some kind of feedback loop
446
00:27:40,158 --> 00:27:42,160
and get enough juice
to jump-start the case.
447
00:27:42,243 --> 00:27:44,829
- Both of us together.
- We'd have to trust each other.
448
00:27:44,913 --> 00:27:47,082
Lila, you just spent
the better part
449
00:27:47,165 --> 00:27:48,845
of the last ten days
trying to end my life.
450
00:27:48,917 --> 00:27:51,461
- You killed my birth parents.
- Fair enough.
451
00:27:54,297 --> 00:27:55,799
And your entire family stood by
452
00:27:55,882 --> 00:27:58,760
while that greasy Swede
put a cap in the woman who raised me.
453
00:27:58,843 --> 00:28:01,596
The Handler was going to kill you, Lila.
454
00:28:01,680 --> 00:28:03,932
In fact, she did kill you.
455
00:28:04,015 --> 00:28:08,186
Then I rolled back time
and let the meatball do his work.
456
00:28:08,937 --> 00:28:10,438
Oh, and by the way,
457
00:28:10,522 --> 00:28:13,525
if you're leading Diego on
as payback for what happened in Texas,
458
00:28:13,608 --> 00:28:15,568
you're pissing up the wrong ladder there
459
00:28:15,652 --> 00:28:18,113
'cause that idiot may actually love you.
460
00:28:18,697 --> 00:28:20,073
The Handler never did.
461
00:28:22,659 --> 00:28:25,537
What do you know?
You spent decades shagging a mannequin.
462
00:28:25,620 --> 00:28:27,997
Do not talk about Delores like that, Lila.
463
00:28:28,081 --> 00:28:29,207
This is insane.
464
00:28:29,290 --> 00:28:32,061
There is no way we're gonna get past this
to make it to the Commission.
465
00:28:32,085 --> 00:28:34,671
Okay, perhaps we can't get to trust,
466
00:28:34,754 --> 00:28:37,757
but there is a certain honesty
in white-hot hatred.
467
00:28:40,427 --> 00:28:43,847
Then come over here,
you god-awful little shit.
468
00:28:44,889 --> 00:28:45,890
And hold my hand.
469
00:29:16,963 --> 00:29:18,774
- What's with the bottles?
- Molotov cocktails.
470
00:29:18,798 --> 00:29:20,518
- What's with the music?
- None of your biz.
471
00:29:20,550 --> 00:29:22,302
Phil Collins. Neil Diamond.
472
00:29:23,428 --> 00:29:25,180
Are you making a mix tape?
473
00:29:26,598 --> 00:29:30,560
- Shouldn't you be watching your kid?
- Dude, I got that parenting thing down.
474
00:29:30,643 --> 00:29:34,022
The trick is, you give 'em a little trust,
and everything falls into place.
475
00:29:34,105 --> 00:29:36,733
Now, I've been working on our defense.
476
00:29:36,816 --> 00:29:40,069
Now, let's talk offense, all right?
What's our Sparrow plan of attack?
477
00:29:40,153 --> 00:29:43,033
- I got the rest of the afternoon.
- Relax. Vanya and Allison handled it.
478
00:29:43,615 --> 00:29:44,615
It's Viktor.
479
00:29:45,742 --> 00:29:47,410
- What?
- Vanya's Viktor now.
480
00:29:50,079 --> 00:29:51,759
What else did I miss
while I was kidnapped?
481
00:29:51,790 --> 00:29:54,793
Jesus, Luther. Not everything
is about you, all right? So?
482
00:29:54,876 --> 00:29:57,629
The Sparrows
are coming here, all right?
483
00:29:57,712 --> 00:29:59,964
For what? Tea?
484
00:30:00,048 --> 00:30:02,509
No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. No!
485
00:30:02,592 --> 00:30:03,760
No!
486
00:30:04,344 --> 00:30:07,180
It's time for you and me
to show 'em who's boss.
487
00:30:07,263 --> 00:30:10,975
Like the old days, huh?
You know, bustin' heads?
488
00:30:11,059 --> 00:30:13,770
Oh, Jesus, Luther. Lionel Rich...
Are you kidding me?
489
00:30:13,853 --> 00:30:14,853
What?
490
00:30:15,522 --> 00:30:16,815
Lionel Richie's still cool.
491
00:30:17,524 --> 00:30:18,399
No.
492
00:30:18,483 --> 00:30:21,986
Look, I met someone, okay?
493
00:30:22,070 --> 00:30:24,739
And I thought, you know,
maybe she'd like some curated songs
494
00:30:24,823 --> 00:30:27,492
that just so happen
to express what's in my heart.
495
00:30:29,661 --> 00:30:31,996
When did you have time to meet someone?
496
00:30:32,080 --> 00:30:34,582
I mean, we've been here for two days,
and the only time you...
497
00:30:37,544 --> 00:30:39,379
- This is a mix tape for the enemy?
- Hey.
498
00:30:39,462 --> 00:30:41,714
Sloane is not the enemy.
499
00:30:42,465 --> 00:30:46,010
They are not the enemy.
This is all one big misunderstanding.
500
00:30:46,094 --> 00:30:49,305
And if our family could just
behave ourselves for once,
501
00:30:49,389 --> 00:30:51,015
then we could all work together.
502
00:30:51,099 --> 00:30:53,476
And then Sloane and I can fall in love,
503
00:30:53,560 --> 00:30:54,602
get married,
504
00:30:55,395 --> 00:30:56,437
buy a dog,
505
00:30:57,230 --> 00:30:58,356
grow old on a porch.
506
00:30:58,439 --> 00:30:59,607
Ugh.
507
00:30:59,691 --> 00:31:00,733
Jesus, Luther.
508
00:31:00,817 --> 00:31:01,901
You're pathetic.
509
00:31:03,778 --> 00:31:07,448
Is… Is Sloane the gravity one?
510
00:31:09,158 --> 00:31:10,660
Oh shit.
511
00:31:11,327 --> 00:31:13,246
You guys had gravity sex.
512
00:31:14,122 --> 00:31:17,292
Come on.
You know I can't talk about that.
513
00:31:17,375 --> 00:31:20,211
Luther, I'm your brother.
We got no secrets.
514
00:31:24,048 --> 00:31:25,216
Okay, well, uh,
515
00:31:26,843 --> 00:31:28,469
you might say, we were, uh,
516
00:31:29,178 --> 00:31:31,139
"Dancing On the Ceiling."
517
00:31:32,640 --> 00:31:34,434
Oh! That one's going in!
518
00:31:49,407 --> 00:31:50,825
Oh my God, that's genius.
519
00:31:50,909 --> 00:31:53,328
The hell are you doing?
I told you not to be here.
520
00:31:53,411 --> 00:31:54,996
What's a Molotov cocktail?
521
00:31:55,830 --> 00:31:56,706
Is it a drink?
522
00:31:56,789 --> 00:31:58,249
- No.
- Can I try one?
523
00:31:58,875 --> 00:31:59,709
No.
524
00:31:59,792 --> 00:32:01,377
I've had beer, you know.
525
00:32:01,461 --> 00:32:03,129
It's a homemade bomb, okay?
526
00:32:03,212 --> 00:32:05,590
Sweet. I can help.
527
00:32:05,673 --> 00:32:07,717
Ever made a pipe bomb? 'Cause I have.
528
00:32:07,800 --> 00:32:10,011
I've blown up tons of mailboxes.
529
00:32:10,094 --> 00:32:12,096
- There are secrets in the mix.
- Mm-hmm?
530
00:32:12,180 --> 00:32:14,182
So what's my job here,
and how much you paying?
531
00:32:17,685 --> 00:32:22,231
Your job is to study
the inside of this elevator, okay?
532
00:32:22,315 --> 00:32:25,443
- All right.
- Until I get back.
533
00:32:26,110 --> 00:32:28,154
Wait. Hey, come back.
534
00:32:28,655 --> 00:32:32,450
Reports of missing persons keep climbing
with no sign of slowing down.
535
00:32:32,533 --> 00:32:34,369
There has yet to be a body found,
536
00:32:34,452 --> 00:32:36,579
and there are still
no suspects at this time.
537
00:32:36,663 --> 00:32:39,958
As we reported earlier,
police have been scrambling to make se...
538
00:32:43,795 --> 00:32:45,088
I love this movie.
539
00:32:46,214 --> 00:32:48,216
Never turn your back, my boy.
540
00:32:48,299 --> 00:32:50,259
Especially not to your children.
541
00:32:51,886 --> 00:32:56,099
You try your best,
give them your all, but it's too much.
542
00:32:56,891 --> 00:33:00,186
Then it's pills in the porridge
and something extra in the tea.
543
00:33:00,269 --> 00:33:02,730
Next thing you know,
you've signed your life away.
544
00:33:03,773 --> 00:33:05,817
All your dreams have been quashed.
545
00:33:05,900 --> 00:33:09,028
All your plans run aground,
and the worst of it?
546
00:33:10,863 --> 00:33:13,032
No one ever comes to visit anymore.
547
00:33:13,866 --> 00:33:15,910
But you wouldn't understand that.
548
00:33:19,122 --> 00:33:20,581
Oh, Reggie.
549
00:33:21,666 --> 00:33:23,292
You got no idea.
550
00:33:24,877 --> 00:33:26,629
You ever been to a Baskin-Robbins?
551
00:33:26,713 --> 00:33:28,256
Can't say that I have.
552
00:33:28,339 --> 00:33:30,842
They're like… You know the ones.
553
00:33:30,925 --> 00:33:33,261
They're like half a Dunkin' Donuts,
554
00:33:33,344 --> 00:33:35,430
and they're open all night,
and it's 3:00 a.m.,
555
00:33:35,513 --> 00:33:40,226
and nobody's switching out
those giant empty barrels of fudge ripple.
556
00:33:40,309 --> 00:33:41,310
That's me.
557
00:33:41,394 --> 00:33:45,565
I feel like scoop after scoop
after scoop's been taken out of me.
558
00:33:45,648 --> 00:33:47,191
Brother…
559
00:33:48,735 --> 00:33:49,819
Lover,
560
00:33:49,902 --> 00:33:51,070
a whole world,
561
00:33:51,154 --> 00:33:52,155
and now…
562
00:33:53,656 --> 00:33:54,824
My mom.
563
00:33:54,907 --> 00:33:57,201
I have no idea what you're talking about.
564
00:33:58,870 --> 00:34:02,123
I feel like if I could just
find the person who did it…
565
00:34:03,291 --> 00:34:04,834
Do you want some ice cream?
566
00:34:04,917 --> 00:34:06,544
Would that shut you up?
567
00:34:07,712 --> 00:34:10,048
Yeah. Yeah, I do.
568
00:34:19,891 --> 00:34:22,560
- Damn pills.
- I can help you with that.
569
00:34:22,643 --> 00:34:23,770
The ice cream?
570
00:34:23,853 --> 00:34:27,565
No, the pills.
If you don't wanna take 'em.
571
00:34:27,648 --> 00:34:29,650
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
572
00:34:29,734 --> 00:34:32,236
That's against the rules.
I have to take them every day.
573
00:34:32,779 --> 00:34:37,575
All you have to do
is just pop to the side such as this.
574
00:34:39,452 --> 00:34:41,079
Ta-da!
575
00:34:41,162 --> 00:34:43,790
Old necessary rehab trick.
576
00:34:44,499 --> 00:34:46,292
I didn't care for you when last we met,
577
00:34:46,876 --> 00:34:48,795
but I must admit you're growing on me.
578
00:36:01,492 --> 00:36:03,286
- Hey.
- Yeah?
579
00:36:04,078 --> 00:36:06,455
This whole, uh, Viktor thing.
580
00:36:07,456 --> 00:36:10,042
- Yeah?
- Well, it's a pretty big deal, right?
581
00:36:10,543 --> 00:36:12,211
I guess, for him. It's whatever.
582
00:36:12,295 --> 00:36:13,796
Well, should we say something?
583
00:36:13,880 --> 00:36:17,133
You know? I mean, make a formal gesture?
Welcome him as brothers.
584
00:36:17,216 --> 00:36:21,053
God, no. Just roll with it, man.
Don't say anything, and don't be weird.
585
00:36:21,137 --> 00:36:24,223
Okay. But not saying something
feels weird, right? I mean…
586
00:36:24,807 --> 00:36:28,394
Shouldn't we, I don't know…
mark the occasion somehow?
587
00:36:28,895 --> 00:36:30,438
You just wanna throw a party.
588
00:36:31,397 --> 00:36:33,316
Why do you hate tiny sandwiches?
589
00:36:35,067 --> 00:36:36,068
Hey, what's up?
590
00:36:36,944 --> 00:36:39,822
Luther wants to throw you
a big, stupid party so you feel loved.
591
00:36:42,909 --> 00:36:43,993
Oh.
592
00:36:44,076 --> 00:36:45,411
Do you feel loved?
593
00:36:46,913 --> 00:36:48,289
Yeah, I… I do.
594
00:36:48,372 --> 00:36:49,916
Good. You are.
595
00:36:50,875 --> 00:36:52,877
Can we all get back
to saving the world now?
596
00:36:57,006 --> 00:36:58,007
I, uh…
597
00:37:01,677 --> 00:37:02,887
I really like the hair.
598
00:37:04,597 --> 00:37:06,057
Is that a number ten?
599
00:37:06,849 --> 00:37:08,267
Yeah, that's a good choice.
600
00:37:08,809 --> 00:37:11,062
Really… frames your face.
601
00:37:13,314 --> 00:37:14,314
Thanks.
602
00:37:15,358 --> 00:37:16,484
I'll see you later.
603
00:37:24,450 --> 00:37:28,204
I'm gonna be on you like white on rice.
Sneeze, I'll be there with a handkerchief.
604
00:37:28,287 --> 00:37:30,287
If your nose isn't clean,
I'll wipe it in the dirt.
605
00:37:30,331 --> 00:37:32,011
Another thing.
606
00:37:32,083 --> 00:37:36,045
Either you take care of Paco,
or you stay the hell away from him.
607
00:37:36,128 --> 00:37:37,380
You got me?
608
00:37:37,463 --> 00:37:38,714
Oh!
609
00:37:38,798 --> 00:37:40,549
William Shatner. Amazing.
610
00:37:43,135 --> 00:37:48,015
Oblivion.
611
00:37:50,142 --> 00:37:51,352
Oblivion?
612
00:37:51,435 --> 00:37:52,435
Hmm.
613
00:38:03,114 --> 00:38:06,450
See? You're not so terrible
when you're asleep.
614
00:38:35,396 --> 00:38:37,356
Oh, wow!
615
00:38:50,328 --> 00:38:51,245
The Lord.
616
00:38:51,329 --> 00:38:52,997
The Lord is upon me.
617
00:39:17,813 --> 00:39:19,231
Okay, relax.
618
00:39:19,315 --> 00:39:20,941
I can't. Your breath is terrible.
619
00:39:21,025 --> 00:39:22,985
Garlic is for winners. Enough foreplay!
620
00:39:25,029 --> 00:39:26,238
This is so stupid.
621
00:39:26,906 --> 00:39:28,240
Power up, shithead.
622
00:39:32,661 --> 00:39:33,661
That's it.
623
00:39:36,248 --> 00:39:37,416
Let me in!
624
00:39:37,500 --> 00:39:39,085
I can't! It's too much!
625
00:39:39,710 --> 00:39:42,213
Don't bitch out on me now!
626
00:39:42,296 --> 00:39:43,881
I hate you so much!
627
00:39:45,257 --> 00:39:48,844
Then get this right, or it's you and me
in the Stone Age forever!
628
00:39:52,056 --> 00:39:54,934
Now! Do it now!
629
00:40:05,444 --> 00:40:09,156
Oh, brilliant idea, Lila.
Welcome to the Ice Age.
630
00:40:12,451 --> 00:40:13,911
Shut up and just look.
631
00:40:15,287 --> 00:40:16,664
The Commission.
632
00:40:19,750 --> 00:40:20,876
Shit.
633
00:40:25,756 --> 00:40:28,592
I don't get it. Did I miss it?
How did you win again?
634
00:40:31,470 --> 00:40:36,684
Oh, look at those two jabronis
getting along, being all sibly.
635
00:40:36,767 --> 00:40:37,768
So?
636
00:40:37,852 --> 00:40:39,687
So that never goes well for us.
637
00:40:43,983 --> 00:40:44,983
Hey.
638
00:40:47,111 --> 00:40:49,488
So, what's the plan?
639
00:40:49,572 --> 00:40:51,967
- What do we do when the Sparrows get here?
- Follow our lead.
640
00:40:51,991 --> 00:40:54,118
Uh-uh. Nice try.
We don't take orders from you.
641
00:40:54,201 --> 00:40:55,536
- Uh-uh.
- Mm-mm.
642
00:40:56,871 --> 00:40:58,372
Oh shit. They're early.
643
00:41:46,837 --> 00:41:48,005
Well, thanks for coming.
644
00:41:48,088 --> 00:41:50,424
Oh, yeah, super glad to be here.
645
00:41:50,508 --> 00:41:53,068
- Where are the rest of you?
- Are you taking attendance?
646
00:41:53,135 --> 00:41:54,303
They'll be here.
647
00:41:54,386 --> 00:41:55,387
Where's the briefcase?
648
00:41:55,471 --> 00:41:56,514
Where's our brother?
649
00:41:58,140 --> 00:42:01,477
Maybe we should try this again
before I lose my temper.
650
00:42:01,560 --> 00:42:02,686
- Allison...
- I got this.
651
00:42:02,770 --> 00:42:04,480
- Run.
- "Bun"?
652
00:42:04,563 --> 00:42:06,815
Hand over the briefcase or no deal.
653
00:42:06,899 --> 00:42:08,776
Yeah, tiny problem.
654
00:42:10,027 --> 00:42:10,861
Deal's off.
655
00:42:10,945 --> 00:42:12,029
Run.
656
00:42:12,112 --> 00:42:13,030
Oh, "run"!
657
00:42:13,113 --> 00:42:15,991
Molotov this, bitches!
658
00:42:16,075 --> 00:42:17,618
Stanley! Not now.
659
00:42:20,079 --> 00:42:22,081
Oh shit.
660
00:42:29,505 --> 00:42:30,798
Power up.
661
00:42:41,892 --> 00:42:43,143
Fire! Fire!
662
00:42:43,227 --> 00:42:44,270
Go!
663
00:42:44,853 --> 00:42:46,855
Now, Chris.
664
00:42:48,899 --> 00:42:50,109
What the hell?
665
00:42:55,531 --> 00:42:58,784
I heard… I heard a rumor…
666
00:42:58,867 --> 00:43:00,369
That you're about to die?
667
00:43:04,999 --> 00:43:06,083
Kill 'em.
668
00:43:45,789 --> 00:43:47,291
Jay me!
669
00:43:47,875 --> 00:43:48,959
Alphonso!
670
00:43:49,793 --> 00:43:50,793
Pull back!
671
00:43:55,132 --> 00:43:57,217
Sloane. Sloane, are you okay?
672
00:44:06,727 --> 00:44:07,727
Whoa.
673
00:44:22,993 --> 00:44:23,994
Oh my God.
674
00:44:27,706 --> 00:44:28,706
Harlan?
675
00:44:30,876 --> 00:44:31,919
Is that you?