1
00:00:12,930 --> 00:00:15,307
‐ Dale, you've been staring
at that Rolo lava cake
2
00:00:15,307 --> 00:00:16,725
for 20 minutes.
3
00:00:16,725 --> 00:00:18,685
This isn't a library.
‐ I got it.
4
00:00:19,436 --> 00:00:21,522
Three packets,
Sugar in the Raw.
5
00:00:21,522 --> 00:00:23,649
‐ That's how I like my sugar... raw.
6
00:00:24,858 --> 00:00:28,070
‐ This has been a wonderful
platonic exchange.
7
00:00:28,070 --> 00:00:30,781
I will see you next week.
8
00:00:36,620 --> 00:00:37,621
Come on.
9
00:00:42,709 --> 00:00:45,254
‐ Hey, where are we going?
Only weirdos live down here.
10
00:00:45,254 --> 00:00:47,047
‐ Just a little further.
11
00:00:48,090 --> 00:00:50,175
Last one in's a rotten Skittle!
12
00:00:55,389 --> 00:00:57,349
‐ Wait, is it safe down here?
13
00:00:57,349 --> 00:00:59,351
‐ Why, are you afraid of tiny sharks?
14
00:00:59,893 --> 00:01:01,478
‐ Mark!
15
00:01:02,187 --> 00:01:03,647
Oh god, you jerk.
16
00:01:03,647 --> 00:01:05,858
Don't do tha‐‐ ow.
17
00:01:05,858 --> 00:01:08,485
‐ You okay?
‐ Yeah, I just felt a ‐‐ Ow!
18
00:01:08,485 --> 00:01:10,195
‐ Allie!
19
00:01:13,156 --> 00:01:14,992
Oh my god, Allie!
20
00:01:14,992 --> 00:01:18,954
No, no, noooo!
21
00:01:23,125 --> 00:01:24,334
Everybody buckled in?
22
00:01:24,334 --> 00:01:25,794
‐ You bet!
‐ Shut the fuck up real quick.
23
00:01:25,794 --> 00:01:27,588
I have a brief kick‐ass speech
to make.
24
00:01:27,588 --> 00:01:29,756
Ahem.
The ship is repaired again,
25
00:01:29,756 --> 00:01:33,468
and we are finally able to leave
this M‐class hellhole for good!
26
00:01:33,468 --> 00:01:34,970
Thank you.
‐ We did this last year.
27
00:01:34,970 --> 00:01:36,847
‐ "Blah blah blah, Earth sucks,
28
00:01:36,847 --> 00:01:38,473
sci‐fi sci‐fi, we're leaving."
29
00:01:38,473 --> 00:01:40,642
‐ Boo! Change the channel! This sucks!
‐ Who did this? Who did that?
30
00:01:40,642 --> 00:01:41,393
‐ Oh, this shit's happening.
31
00:01:41,393 --> 00:01:43,604
AISHA,
Activate pre‐launch sequence now!
32
00:01:43,604 --> 00:01:46,815
First off, who do you think
you talking to with that tone?
33
00:01:46,815 --> 00:01:48,692
Second: Activated.
34
00:01:48,692 --> 00:01:51,278
Pssh, talkin' 'bout "now," bitch.
35
00:01:51,278 --> 00:01:53,363
‐ This truly is a momentous day
for all of us,
36
00:01:53,363 --> 00:01:55,282
but mostly for me
because I am mission leader
37
00:01:55,282 --> 00:01:57,242
and I did all the work
while you guys totally shat the bed.
38
00:01:58,243 --> 00:02:00,787
Launch aborted.
Some crew are not on board.
39
00:02:00,787 --> 00:02:03,290
‐ What are you talking about,
we're all buckled in and‐‐ Oh!
40
00:02:04,166 --> 00:02:06,001
‐ Yay, Korvo!
41
00:02:06,001 --> 00:02:08,212
‐ Dammit, I always fall for the Talkboy.
42
00:02:08,837 --> 00:02:13,217
Ha! You got Shawshanked,
Ferris Bueller'd, and Gallaghered!
43
00:02:17,596 --> 00:02:19,014
‐ Infinite slip and slide?
44
00:02:19,014 --> 00:02:21,683
Come on! You know I can't launch the ship
unless you guys are on‐‐
45
00:02:21,683 --> 00:02:24,436
Gah! Oh, my foot!
It's dissolved into goo!
46
00:02:24,436 --> 00:02:26,063
Why don't you care? Look at me!
47
00:02:26,063 --> 00:02:27,773
Stop having fun! I'm melting!
48
00:02:27,773 --> 00:02:30,609
This is what we're doing today,
figuring this out! Stop that!
49
00:02:31,568 --> 00:02:33,612
Planet Shlorp was the perfect utopia
50
00:02:33,612 --> 00:02:35,572
until the asteroid hit.
51
00:02:36,865 --> 00:02:39,159
One hundred adults and their replicants
were issued a pupa
52
00:02:39,159 --> 00:02:41,286
and escaped into... the space
53
00:02:41,286 --> 00:02:43,622
searching for new homes
on uninhabited worlds.
54
00:02:44,331 --> 00:02:47,292
We crashed on Earth, stranding us
on an already overpopulated planet.
55
00:02:47,292 --> 00:02:49,002
That's right. I've been talking
this whole time.
56
00:02:49,002 --> 00:02:50,796
I'm the one holding the pupa.
My name's Korvo.
57
00:02:50,796 --> 00:02:53,215
This is‐‐ this is my show.
I just dropped the pupa. Do you see me?
58
00:02:53,215 --> 00:02:54,550
This is ridiculous.
59
00:02:54,550 --> 00:02:56,468
I hate Earth.
It's a horrible home.
60
00:02:56,468 --> 00:02:57,886
People are stupid and confusing.
61
00:02:57,886 --> 00:03:00,097
They're always ordering
these complicated coffee drinks.
62
00:03:00,097 --> 00:03:02,349
Why would you ever have coffee
when you can just ingest
63
00:03:02,349 --> 00:03:04,434
a room temperature,
tan‐colored Energon cone?
64
00:03:04,434 --> 00:03:06,311
Don't talk to me
until I've had my tan cone.
65
00:03:13,610 --> 00:03:14,945
‐ You want me
to drain your bucket?
66
00:03:14,945 --> 00:03:16,321
‐ No. That's still me in there.
67
00:03:16,321 --> 00:03:17,823
And yes, I know it smells like shit.
68
00:03:17,823 --> 00:03:19,074
‐ Hi, folks. Sorry for the wait.
69
00:03:19,074 --> 00:03:22,035
Prom season, tons of abortions today.
Busy, busy, busy.
70
00:03:22,035 --> 00:03:23,829
Now before I give you our diagnosis,
71
00:03:23,829 --> 00:03:26,331
are you certain
you don't have any alien technology
72
00:03:26,331 --> 00:03:28,166
that you'd rather use to evaluate this?
73
00:03:28,166 --> 00:03:29,585
‐ We decided to change it up
for once.
74
00:03:29,585 --> 00:03:31,211
We go to the ship
with problems a lot.
75
00:03:31,211 --> 00:03:32,337
‐ A lot!
76
00:03:32,337 --> 00:03:35,299
‐ Well, they don't exactly teach
"alien goo" in medical school,
77
00:03:35,299 --> 00:03:38,552
but I found some articles about dog herpes
that seemed to line up.
78
00:03:38,552 --> 00:03:41,263
Korvo, you have what we call
"Alpha DNA."
79
00:03:41,263 --> 00:03:44,933
The building blocks of your cells
have receptors that are only activated
80
00:03:44,933 --> 00:03:46,685
if the pack are fulfilling their roles.
81
00:03:46,685 --> 00:03:48,103
‐ Wait, are we the pack?
82
00:03:48,103 --> 00:03:49,771
‐ That doesn't sound right.
‐ Pack of smokeshows, baby!
83
00:03:49,771 --> 00:03:52,482
‐ Once your team's failure
continues long enough,
84
00:03:52,482 --> 00:03:55,235
the receptors decay,
triggering a "goo sequence"
85
00:03:55,235 --> 00:03:57,738
designed to kill you so the next dog,
86
00:03:57,738 --> 00:03:59,740
or alien in line, can take over.
87
00:03:59,740 --> 00:04:00,490
Isn't that funny?
88
00:04:00,490 --> 00:04:02,576
‐ You lazy idiots
are literally killing me!
89
00:04:02,576 --> 00:04:04,077
‐ Well, luckily it's reversible,
90
00:04:04,077 --> 00:04:06,997
but only if these dummies
do their respective jobs
91
00:04:06,997 --> 00:04:07,956
in a serious way.
92
00:04:07,956 --> 00:04:09,374
‐ What? I can't rely on them!
93
00:04:09,374 --> 00:04:11,335
Fuck that, fill me with chemo.
I want the chemo.
94
00:04:11,335 --> 00:04:14,588
‐ They really don't like us
to throw chemo at family issues.
95
00:04:15,047 --> 00:04:18,175
‐ Okay, I got you set up on the couch here
with plenty of fluids:
96
00:04:18,175 --> 00:04:20,177
root beer, Sunny D, and piss.
97
00:04:20,177 --> 00:04:22,471
‐ Is the piss hot?
I want hot piss.
98
00:04:22,471 --> 00:04:24,681
‐ Gonna get this good and tight
99
00:04:24,681 --> 00:04:26,975
so none of your stinky goo drips out.
100
00:04:26,975 --> 00:04:28,894
Don't think of it as a trash bag,
101
00:04:28,894 --> 00:04:30,437
it's more of a whole‐body diaper.
102
00:04:30,437 --> 00:04:32,439
‐ I know why you fucks
are being nice to me.
103
00:04:32,439 --> 00:04:33,899
You feel bad.
Well, shove it.
104
00:04:33,899 --> 00:04:36,318
Your guilty feelings
can't solidify my legs!
105
00:04:37,986 --> 00:04:40,072
‐ Okay, I know this is very unlike me,
106
00:04:40,072 --> 00:04:42,491
but I'm feeling guilty
over melting Korvo with my laziness.
107
00:04:42,491 --> 00:04:43,659
‐ Yeah, me too.
108
00:04:43,659 --> 00:04:45,911
Maybe we should just do
some mission stuff,
109
00:04:45,911 --> 00:04:47,704
just like enough so he can get better.
110
00:04:47,704 --> 00:04:50,123
‐ To piggyback off your pitch
with a slight twist,
111
00:04:50,123 --> 00:04:52,835
what if we let Korvo melt
but also did whatever we wanted?
112
00:04:52,835 --> 00:04:54,419
‐ See, what I like about that
113
00:04:54,419 --> 00:04:56,296
is then we wouldn't have
to do our jobs.
114
00:04:56,296 --> 00:04:57,422
Great collab, Terry.
115
00:04:57,422 --> 00:05:00,300
‐ Guys! We are not letting Korvo
turn to goo.
116
00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:02,010
We should at least put him
out of his misery.
117
00:05:02,010 --> 00:05:04,263
‐ Can someone please refill my piss?
118
00:05:05,055 --> 00:05:07,140
‐ We can't kill Korvo!
Who would wash my t‐shirts?
119
00:05:07,140 --> 00:05:10,018
‐ He does buy all the groceries
and hide all the bodies.
120
00:05:10,018 --> 00:05:12,062
‐ Crap, without him,
we'd have to do the chores.
121
00:05:12,062 --> 00:05:13,856
‐ Okay, let's just do
our mission roles more,
122
00:05:13,856 --> 00:05:15,732
but only enough to not have
to take out the trash.
123
00:05:15,732 --> 00:05:17,526
‐ Easy‐peasy.
‐ We've got this!
124
00:05:18,569 --> 00:05:20,487
‐ Do you two even know
what your mission roles are?
125
00:05:20,487 --> 00:05:21,989
‐ Zero fucking clue.
‐ I cannot say that I do.
126
00:05:21,989 --> 00:05:24,908
‐ AISHA, please explain to the replicants
what their mission roles are.
127
00:05:24,908 --> 00:05:27,494
And you know what? Let's, um,
let's just run through mine, too, for fun.
128
00:05:27,494 --> 00:05:28,537
In detail, por favor.
129
00:05:28,537 --> 00:05:30,622
Should I just play
the orientation crystals?
130
00:05:30,622 --> 00:05:32,207
‐ Orientation crystals?
131
00:05:32,207 --> 00:05:34,668
Oh, that sounds like some shit
we should have watched already.
132
00:05:34,668 --> 00:05:36,461
They were meant to be viewed daily.
133
00:05:36,461 --> 00:05:37,713
Dumbass.
134
00:05:46,013 --> 00:05:47,931
‐ In these first moments of your mission,
135
00:05:47,931 --> 00:05:49,516
remember what is at stake.
136
00:05:49,516 --> 00:05:51,018
Shlorp is depending on your‐‐
137
00:05:51,018 --> 00:05:52,394
‐ Ugh. Boring, boring, boring.
138
00:05:53,228 --> 00:05:55,397
‐ Yumyulack,
protector and head of security.
139
00:05:55,397 --> 00:05:57,149
You ward off any threats to the mission.
140
00:05:57,149 --> 00:06:00,444
Strong and fierce, willing to die
so the team can live.
141
00:06:00,444 --> 00:06:02,487
‐ Let's put "willing to die" down
as a maybe.
142
00:06:02,487 --> 00:06:04,239
‐ Jesse, the chronicler.
Be observant.
143
00:06:04,239 --> 00:06:07,701
Record your adventures with clarity,
both in triumph and defeat
144
00:06:07,701 --> 00:06:10,454
so future Shlorpians
learn from your mistakes.
145
00:06:10,454 --> 00:06:14,041
‐ Whoa! I'm like the J. K. Rowling
of this pack! Crucio!
146
00:06:14,041 --> 00:06:15,918
Terry, your job is most important.
147
00:06:15,918 --> 00:06:18,420
Because the Pupa will grow up
to terraform your new planet,
148
00:06:18,420 --> 00:06:19,671
you must nurture him.
149
00:06:19,671 --> 00:06:22,216
For as the Pupa specialist,
he is your responsibility‐‐
150
00:06:22,216 --> 00:06:24,718
‐ Hold the fuck on. I'm supposed
to be taking care of the Pupa?
151
00:06:24,718 --> 00:06:26,887
‐ Korvo says that all the time, Terry!
152
00:06:26,887 --> 00:06:27,888
‐ Yeah, this isn't news.
153
00:06:27,888 --> 00:06:30,766
‐ I'm not ready to raise a Pupa!
I'm still finding myself!
154
00:06:30,766 --> 00:06:32,100
I wanna go to Cabo, dammit!
155
00:06:32,100 --> 00:06:34,394
‐ You want some crackers to go
with your wine, Terry?
156
00:06:34,394 --> 00:06:36,104
Being responsible is scary.
157
00:06:36,104 --> 00:06:39,233
But it's time to grow up
and start working on the mission.
158
00:06:39,233 --> 00:06:41,401
For Korvo!
For Korvo!
159
00:06:43,612 --> 00:06:44,738
‐ What the hell are you doing?
160
00:06:44,738 --> 00:06:47,157
‐ Oh shit, we forgot
about the Korvo thing!
161
00:06:47,157 --> 00:06:48,742
‐ Earth is too distracting for us.
162
00:06:48,742 --> 00:06:49,826
‐ We can't do our jobs here,
163
00:06:49,826 --> 00:06:51,745
not with all the trap queens
in need of hyping.
164
00:06:51,745 --> 00:06:53,997
I gotta park that big Mack truck
right in that little garage.
165
00:06:53,997 --> 00:06:57,251
‐ Well, if we're going to focus,
we gotta do it on a new planet.
166
00:06:57,251 --> 00:07:00,587
‐ Good. AISHA, initiate the pre‐launch
before these idiots change their minds.
167
00:07:00,587 --> 00:07:02,631
Fine. The shit is initiated.
168
00:07:02,631 --> 00:07:04,424
‐ Launch time, baby!
169
00:07:04,424 --> 00:07:06,009
Not all the crew is accounted for.
170
00:07:06,009 --> 00:07:07,135
‐ Fuckers!
171
00:07:07,135 --> 00:07:08,679
Wait, but everyone's here.
172
00:07:08,679 --> 00:07:11,390
Un‐unh.
All crew means all body parts
173
00:07:11,390 --> 00:07:13,308
that got severed
and left around town.
174
00:07:13,308 --> 00:07:14,560
‐ Wait, what?
Go get your dick.
175
00:07:14,560 --> 00:07:16,395
‐ Has anyone been leaving
body parts around?
176
00:07:16,395 --> 00:07:18,522
‐ I mean, yeah.
I live a full and rich life.
177
00:07:18,522 --> 00:07:20,983
‐ You think my calendar's so open
that I can just pick up
178
00:07:20,983 --> 00:07:22,526
my own body parts all day?
179
00:07:22,526 --> 00:07:23,318
Wrong!
180
00:07:23,861 --> 00:07:25,362
‐ Don't look at me.
I keep my shit toight!
181
00:07:25,362 --> 00:07:27,948
‐ Activate the Shlorpian
Extremity Triangulater.
182
00:07:29,908 --> 00:07:31,785
It scans the planet for Shlorpian flesh.
183
00:07:31,785 --> 00:07:33,579
Creepy, but perfect for this moment.
184
00:07:33,579 --> 00:07:35,330
I'm clean, all my pieces are on the ship.
185
00:07:37,791 --> 00:07:40,294
Oh! You've been dropping your limbs
all over the place!
186
00:07:40,294 --> 00:07:41,503
‐ Five at Home Depot?
187
00:07:41,503 --> 00:07:44,006
That must have been from the summer
I tried to be a Mythbuster.
188
00:07:44,006 --> 00:07:47,259
Those two ginger mummies
didn't leave any myths for the rest of us.
189
00:07:47,259 --> 00:07:50,179
‐ You're supposed to be chronicling,
not busting popular myths!
190
00:07:50,179 --> 00:07:51,430
Ugh, my favorite hand!
191
00:07:51,430 --> 00:07:53,891
‐ We gotta get these body parts
before Korvo is goo for good
192
00:07:53,891 --> 00:07:55,475
or we'll have to learn how to do taxes!
193
00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:56,727
‐ It's hella complicated!
194
00:07:56,727 --> 00:07:58,520
Good luck figuring out
the depreciation value
195
00:07:58,520 --> 00:08:00,731
of time traveling sneakers
you only use for business!
196
00:08:00,731 --> 00:08:03,609
‐ Uh, are we just gonna leave
the Pupa behind, Terry?
197
00:08:03,609 --> 00:08:04,860
‐ He can't get out of the Pupa seat.
198
00:08:04,860 --> 00:08:07,154
And even if he could,
he'd never stray from his puffs.
199
00:08:09,740 --> 00:08:11,074
‐ Ahh!
200
00:08:23,462 --> 00:08:25,672
The cow says‐‐
201
00:08:52,366 --> 00:08:53,450
‐ Eddie!
202
00:08:53,450 --> 00:08:55,994
Ooh! You're home early!
203
00:08:55,994 --> 00:08:57,913
‐ Katie! Baby! Kiss me!
204
00:09:01,208 --> 00:09:02,376
‐ Get in here.
205
00:09:03,460 --> 00:09:07,130
‐ I still can't believe
it was one year ago to the day
206
00:09:07,130 --> 00:09:09,299
you got down on your knee
and gave this to me.
207
00:09:09,299 --> 00:09:11,176
Remember? It was our second date.
208
00:09:11,176 --> 00:09:12,636
I thought you were crazy.
209
00:09:12,636 --> 00:09:14,388
‐ I am. Crazy. For you.
210
00:09:14,388 --> 00:09:17,766
‐ I swore I would never go out
with someone who worked for my dad.
211
00:09:17,766 --> 00:09:20,686
But you're not like his other employees,
you're... you're different.
212
00:09:20,686 --> 00:09:22,020
Oh, how'd the sales trip go?
213
00:09:22,020 --> 00:09:23,605
‐ Crushed it. Crushed it.
214
00:09:23,605 --> 00:09:25,023
‐ Daddy will love that.
215
00:09:25,607 --> 00:09:28,443
Means he won't see it coming
when we rob him blind.
216
00:09:29,361 --> 00:09:31,738
‐ Ha ha. Ha ha.
Ha ha. Ha ha.
217
00:09:36,827 --> 00:09:38,287
‐ Alright, people,
I'm gooing pretty bad,
218
00:09:38,287 --> 00:09:40,205
so let's get these limbs
and get back to the business
219
00:09:40,205 --> 00:09:41,915
of leaving this shithole planet.
220
00:09:47,004 --> 00:09:48,172
‐ Bad ice!
221
00:09:48,172 --> 00:09:50,340
Don't ask me how it got there!
222
00:09:50,340 --> 00:09:52,843
Ask them why they never cleaned it!
223
00:09:56,930 --> 00:09:59,433
‐ Hey, my ball‐‐ back scratcher!
224
00:09:59,433 --> 00:10:00,726
Ahh!
‐ Suck it, Cooke!
225
00:10:07,191 --> 00:10:08,483
You did the right thing.
226
00:10:08,483 --> 00:10:10,194
‐ So everyone got their body parts?
227
00:10:10,194 --> 00:10:11,028
‐ Eh, almost.
228
00:10:11,028 --> 00:10:13,780
We just have to go to the Windy City
to pick up the last two.
229
00:10:13,780 --> 00:10:15,324
‐ You went to Chicago
and didn't invite me?
230
00:10:15,324 --> 00:10:17,117
You know how much I like
the Schaumburg Outlets!
231
00:10:17,117 --> 00:10:19,286
‐ Last time we wasted all our time
waiting for you
232
00:10:19,286 --> 00:10:20,704
at the Hammacher Schlemmer.
233
00:10:21,121 --> 00:10:23,540
Me and Yumyulack
have been commuting to Chi‐town
234
00:10:23,540 --> 00:10:25,751
to practice with
the Chicago Pro Tumblers.
235
00:10:25,751 --> 00:10:28,170
‐ They're a legendary
acrobatic halftime show.
236
00:10:28,170 --> 00:10:29,671
I do it to help me stay agile,
237
00:10:29,671 --> 00:10:31,215
plus we get to hang with Pippin
when he's around.
238
00:10:31,215 --> 00:10:34,009
‐ We took a tough tumble
into each other last practice
239
00:10:34,009 --> 00:10:36,053
and knocked our tushes clean off.
240
00:10:36,053 --> 00:10:37,012
Ooh, there they are!
241
00:10:37,971 --> 00:10:39,723
‐ Guys, Jesse and Yumyulack are back!
242
00:10:41,433 --> 00:10:43,560
‐ 'Sup, Emily?
Alyssa, how you been?
243
00:10:43,560 --> 00:10:46,730
Oh no, Josh and Sophia,
what happened?
244
00:10:46,730 --> 00:10:49,149
‐ We snapped our ankles warming up
for the semi‐regional
245
00:10:49,149 --> 00:10:50,526
halftime show championships!
246
00:10:50,526 --> 00:10:51,985
‐ What.
‐ But that's today!
247
00:10:51,985 --> 00:10:54,821
‐ You and Yummy have to sub in
to do the final team tumble.
248
00:10:54,821 --> 00:10:56,406
‐ No, thanks,
we're in a time crunch.
249
00:10:56,406 --> 00:10:58,742
Chicago Pro Tumblers to the floor.
250
00:10:58,742 --> 00:11:00,077
‐ What are you‐‐
Don't you put that‐‐
251
00:11:00,077 --> 00:11:01,870
Don't you put on
that sweet tumbling gear.
252
00:11:01,870 --> 00:11:03,664
Drop those knee socks right now, mister.
253
00:11:03,664 --> 00:11:04,665
Hey, I can see you.
254
00:11:04,665 --> 00:11:06,959
‐ When tumbling calls,
you accept the charges.
255
00:11:06,959 --> 00:11:08,293
‐ Hey, ge‐ge‐get back here!
256
00:11:08,293 --> 00:11:09,503
‐ I kinda wanna see it.
257
00:11:25,853 --> 00:11:28,730
‐ This stupid bullshit really meant
a lot to you two, didn't it?
258
00:11:28,730 --> 00:11:31,608
‐ It's the most satisfying thing
I've done in my life.
259
00:11:31,608 --> 00:11:33,777
‐ Okay, well, then I'm glad
we did it, I guess.
260
00:11:33,777 --> 00:11:35,529
Still wish I wasn't turning into goo.
261
00:11:35,529 --> 00:11:36,947
Terry. Your turn.
‐ What turn?
262
00:11:36,947 --> 00:11:38,615
Like I said, I keep my shit toight.
263
00:11:38,615 --> 00:11:40,450
Don't insult me.
I'm not a replicant.
264
00:11:40,450 --> 00:11:42,077
Wow, yes, that's a lot of arms.
265
00:11:42,077 --> 00:11:43,912
‐ Dozens tightly clustered
over the ocean.
266
00:11:43,912 --> 00:11:45,497
Terry, you stinky shit.
267
00:11:45,497 --> 00:11:47,875
Did you feed your arms to a whale?
‐ No!
268
00:11:47,875 --> 00:11:50,627
No. What did I do?
269
00:11:50,627 --> 00:11:52,129
Gladwell!
270
00:11:52,129 --> 00:11:53,422
‐ What's a Gladwell?
271
00:11:53,422 --> 00:11:55,883
‐ Pop sociologist Malcolm Gladwell.
272
00:11:55,883 --> 00:11:58,343
We've been ripping and tearing ass
on the reg for a while now
273
00:11:58,343 --> 00:12:01,096
and every morning, I would chew my arm off
rather than wake him up.
274
00:12:01,096 --> 00:12:03,724
'Cause if he did, we would be chatting
about the human condition all morning.
275
00:12:03,724 --> 00:12:04,725
The guy won't shut up.
276
00:12:04,725 --> 00:12:07,936
My arms are somewhere aboard his private
non‐fiction yacht, The Shipping Point.
277
00:12:07,936 --> 00:12:10,272
It's an intellectual cruise experience
he runs for his fans.
278
00:12:10,272 --> 00:12:12,900
‐ How would we ever have gotten all that
from you just saying "Gladwell"?
279
00:12:12,900 --> 00:12:14,484
‐ Don't be jealous, Korvo.
It doesn't look good.
280
00:12:14,484 --> 00:12:15,319
‐ I‐I'm not!
281
00:12:15,319 --> 00:12:18,572
A sexual relationship with
an award‐winning author? I'm impressed!
282
00:12:18,572 --> 00:12:20,616
Best I could swing was a hand job
from the two guys
283
00:12:20,616 --> 00:12:23,202
who keep track of all the horse names
for George R. R. Martin.
284
00:12:24,328 --> 00:12:26,163
Baby, but what about the plan?
285
00:12:26,163 --> 00:12:28,165
We were gonna wait
until that prick promotes you
286
00:12:28,165 --> 00:12:29,166
and then fleece him.
287
00:12:29,166 --> 00:12:31,502
‐ Tomorrow! Tomorrow!
No argue!
288
00:12:31,502 --> 00:12:34,004
‐ The last flight to Mexico.
So you have to talk to Daddy today.
289
00:12:34,004 --> 00:12:35,756
Be careful.
He has powerful friends, baby.
290
00:12:35,756 --> 00:12:37,090
You gotta play this perfectly.
291
00:12:37,090 --> 00:12:38,926
‐ Relax. Relax. It's me.
292
00:12:39,301 --> 00:12:42,846
‐ Oh god, it'll all be worth it
once we're in Zihuatanejo.
293
00:12:43,680 --> 00:12:44,806
Oh, take me again.
294
00:12:45,307 --> 00:12:48,101
Oh god, I love your body so much.
295
00:12:57,986 --> 00:13:00,447
‐ Excuse us.
We're G‐O‐G, Guests of Gladwell.
296
00:13:00,447 --> 00:13:02,157
Terry. Should be on your book there.
297
00:13:02,157 --> 00:13:03,575
Terrance! You look great.
298
00:13:03,575 --> 00:13:05,452
Love the shirt.
Is that lambswool?
299
00:13:05,452 --> 00:13:07,162
‐ Glady.
300
00:13:07,162 --> 00:13:08,830
You're looking observant as always.
301
00:13:08,830 --> 00:13:11,375
‐ I see you've brought your family!
How lovely.
302
00:13:11,375 --> 00:13:13,669
‐ Mr. Gladwell‐‐
‐ Stop. Just Gladwell.
303
00:13:13,669 --> 00:13:16,338
‐ Gladwell, would you sign
my 10,000 hours ray?
304
00:13:16,338 --> 00:13:18,382
It simulates studying
for 10,000 hours.
305
00:13:18,382 --> 00:13:20,008
Your Outliers book inspired me.
306
00:13:20,008 --> 00:13:23,136
‐ My key insight was that if you spend
a lot of time on something,
307
00:13:23,136 --> 00:13:24,054
you can get good at it.
308
00:13:24,054 --> 00:13:27,724
Seems like common knowledge now,
but at the time it was unheard of.
309
00:13:27,724 --> 00:13:29,059
‐ Yeah, genius, Gladwell.
310
00:13:29,059 --> 00:13:31,353
So listen, there's a reason we're here.
311
00:13:31,353 --> 00:13:33,480
‐ Let me guess,
Terrance needs his arms back.
312
00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:34,356
‐ Damn, he's good.
313
00:13:34,356 --> 00:13:36,400
‐ Let's run up to my penthouse
and get them.
314
00:13:36,400 --> 00:13:38,819
In the meantime, do the rest
of you want VIP tickets
315
00:13:38,819 --> 00:13:40,696
to see our in‐cruise show,
Malcolm Dragwell?
316
00:13:40,696 --> 00:13:43,156
It's drag queens lip syncing
to audio recordings of my books.
317
00:13:43,156 --> 00:13:46,493
‐ Uh, cool. Y‐y‐you guys do that.
And I‐I'll be right back with my arms.
318
00:13:46,493 --> 00:13:47,369
‐ Enjoy the show.
319
00:13:50,539 --> 00:13:53,041
Do you remember that hot air balloon
over Portugal?
320
00:13:53,041 --> 00:13:56,461
We made that basket so hot that
the balloon rose an extra hundred feet.
321
00:13:56,461 --> 00:13:59,256
‐ Ah yes. The summer we screwed
in every type of dirigible.
322
00:13:59,256 --> 00:14:01,049
Remember when you had me
on that zeppelin?
323
00:14:02,885 --> 00:14:03,927
Hmm.
324
00:14:03,927 --> 00:14:06,680
‐ I'm so nervous to meet
a Malcolm Dragwell Queen.
325
00:14:06,680 --> 00:14:08,640
Ah. I'm not dressed for royalty.
326
00:14:08,640 --> 00:14:10,726
‐ I find it hard to believe
there's enough Gladwell demand
327
00:14:10,726 --> 00:14:12,477
to justify a whole Stan culture.
328
00:14:12,477 --> 00:14:14,104
‐ I hope there's stuff from Blink
in the show.
329
00:14:14,104 --> 00:14:15,063
I love that book.
330
00:14:15,063 --> 00:14:16,982
It's about how sometimes
we just know stuff
331
00:14:16,982 --> 00:14:18,275
without having to think or learn.
332
00:14:18,275 --> 00:14:19,651
I feel that way constantly.
333
00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:22,237
‐ Pour me a drink
while I look for your arms.
334
00:14:22,779 --> 00:14:24,114
Make one for yourself, too.
335
00:14:24,907 --> 00:14:26,241
‐ Ugh. Been a hell of a day.
336
00:14:26,241 --> 00:14:28,452
I don't know if you could tell,
but Korvo is melting.
337
00:14:28,452 --> 00:14:29,494
He's sensitive about it.
338
00:14:29,494 --> 00:14:31,747
‐ My god. Come, tell me.
339
00:14:32,789 --> 00:14:34,333
‐ Whoa, hey, hey, hey.
No traps!
340
00:14:34,333 --> 00:14:36,418
I'm not having a drink
or sitting on the bed. Just give me my‐‐
341
00:14:36,418 --> 00:14:38,253
Your hair is looking zanier than normal.
342
00:14:38,253 --> 00:14:39,963
Are you styling it different?
S'cute.
343
00:14:39,963 --> 00:14:42,925
‐ Still just rubbing a balloon
on it after showering.
344
00:14:42,925 --> 00:14:45,511
‐ Wha‐‐ That's not hair!
Those are... my arms!
345
00:14:45,511 --> 00:14:46,428
What did you do?
346
00:14:46,428 --> 00:14:49,765
‐ You left them to rot.
I gave them purpose. I gave them life!
347
00:14:49,765 --> 00:14:51,433
They've been writing my books.
348
00:14:51,433 --> 00:14:53,602
Sadly, I've had them so busy scribbling,
349
00:14:53,602 --> 00:14:56,021
they've fused into some kind of rat king.
350
00:14:56,021 --> 00:14:57,022
‐ That's straight‐up gross.
351
00:14:57,022 --> 00:14:59,399
‐ Now they're more creative
than ever before!
352
00:14:59,399 --> 00:15:02,069
My latest bestseller,
Thou Who Smelt It, Dealt It,
353
00:15:02,069 --> 00:15:03,612
was their idea.
354
00:15:03,612 --> 00:15:05,614
‐ You can't force my arms
to write their own fart ideas.
355
00:15:05,614 --> 00:15:07,199
‐ I already have.
356
00:15:07,199 --> 00:15:09,535
David Remnick interviewed me
an hour ago!
357
00:15:09,535 --> 00:15:10,536
Grab him!
358
00:15:12,829 --> 00:15:14,498
Is this the way to the VIP room?
359
00:15:14,498 --> 00:15:16,583
I'll have a rum and Diet to start, please.
360
00:15:17,584 --> 00:15:19,253
‐ Oh shit! They're going
to throw us into the ocean.
361
00:15:19,253 --> 00:15:22,381
I'm going to get diluted and excreted
through a million disgusting squids!
362
00:15:22,381 --> 00:15:24,299
‐ Did Gladwell sign off on this?
363
00:15:32,724 --> 00:15:35,644
‐ This is how we do it in Chi‐raq, biatch!
364
00:15:46,029 --> 00:15:48,824
‐ Yeah, bitch! Slip on my stinking goo
and drop to your death.
365
00:15:49,324 --> 00:15:51,118
Now scoop me up into the backpack.
366
00:15:52,286 --> 00:15:54,788
‐ Sales! Always!
Big, big growth!
367
00:15:54,788 --> 00:15:57,165
Profits... up!
Money... yes, yes!
368
00:16:00,460 --> 00:16:03,005
‐ Damn, Eddie.
How is it that you're never in the office
369
00:16:03,005 --> 00:16:05,507
and you just crushed
my Q2 sales record?
370
00:16:05,507 --> 00:16:07,509
‐ Get on my level. Bro.
371
00:16:07,509 --> 00:16:09,386
‐ Alright, boys, back to work.
372
00:16:09,386 --> 00:16:11,138
Eddie, stick around for a sec.
373
00:16:12,472 --> 00:16:14,141
Now, you listen to me, you son of a bitch.
374
00:16:14,141 --> 00:16:15,684
You might have everyone else fooled,
375
00:16:15,684 --> 00:16:17,978
but I have been on to you
since day one.
376
00:16:17,978 --> 00:16:19,730
I knew there was
something off about you.
377
00:16:19,730 --> 00:16:21,273
I couldn't put my finger on it.
378
00:16:21,273 --> 00:16:23,817
But you messed up when you made
a move on my daughter.
379
00:16:23,817 --> 00:16:26,153
I did a background check
on you, "Eddie."
380
00:16:26,153 --> 00:16:27,696
And you know what I found?
381
00:16:27,696 --> 00:16:29,907
Nothing.
You are who you say you are.
382
00:16:29,907 --> 00:16:32,117
But that doesn't change
how I feel in my gut.
383
00:16:32,117 --> 00:16:34,661
And the only thing
I love more than profits
384
00:16:34,661 --> 00:16:36,163
is that little girl of mine.
385
00:16:36,163 --> 00:16:39,166
So I'm writing you a check
for ten million dollars.
386
00:16:39,166 --> 00:16:41,168
It's a bribe.
Get out of Katie's life.
387
00:16:42,586 --> 00:16:45,005
Then what do you want?
What's your price?
388
00:16:49,343 --> 00:16:51,303
Are you out
of your fuckin' mind?
389
00:17:12,699 --> 00:17:15,202
‐ Stop hitting yourself, Terrance.
390
00:17:15,202 --> 00:17:16,578
‐ Ah! Cheap joke, Gladwell.
391
00:17:16,578 --> 00:17:19,748
‐ Yes, but it was right there,
and I think I made my point.
392
00:17:19,748 --> 00:17:21,250
Your arms obey me now.
393
00:17:21,250 --> 00:17:23,043
I say hit you, they hit.
‐ Ow!
394
00:17:23,043 --> 00:17:25,879
‐ I say write a book, they type up
cherry‐picked anecdotes
395
00:17:25,879 --> 00:17:27,965
to support my nursery school wisdom.
396
00:17:27,965 --> 00:17:29,508
I'll give you one last chance.
397
00:17:29,508 --> 00:17:31,301
Live with me on the open seas.
398
00:17:31,301 --> 00:17:33,387
We'll make love
while your arms write my TED Talks.
399
00:17:33,387 --> 00:17:34,471
A perfect life!
400
00:17:34,471 --> 00:17:36,890
‐ If it were up to me,
I'd tap that curly shit all day.
401
00:17:36,890 --> 00:17:38,267
But I've already got a team.
402
00:17:38,267 --> 00:17:41,144
‐ Pity.
Consider your point... tipped.
403
00:17:42,312 --> 00:17:44,565
‐ Oh no! Terry's arms formed a rat king,
404
00:17:44,565 --> 00:17:46,066
and they've sided with Gladwell!
405
00:17:46,066 --> 00:17:47,359
‐ How did you gather that so fast?
406
00:17:47,359 --> 00:17:50,946
‐ Because I'm young, and adulthood
hasn't atrophied my imagination!
407
00:17:52,698 --> 00:17:54,241
‐ Holy shit!
408
00:17:55,284 --> 00:17:57,578
‐ Stop it! Stop it!
Stop it, Terry's arms!
409
00:17:58,078 --> 00:18:00,289
‐ Korvo, his arms,
they're listening to you!
410
00:18:00,289 --> 00:18:02,666
‐ I'm their mission leader,
it's their biological imperative.
411
00:18:02,666 --> 00:18:03,917
Terry's arms!
Stop being dicks!
412
00:18:03,917 --> 00:18:06,128
‐ No, Terry's arms!
I'm your leader now.
413
00:18:06,128 --> 00:18:08,422
I'm the one who lets you
grease me up before bedtime.
414
00:18:08,422 --> 00:18:10,841
‐ You've never done anything right
in your shoulder‐girdled lives.
415
00:18:10,841 --> 00:18:13,302
You're worthless!
But you can change that right now.
416
00:18:13,302 --> 00:18:15,637
Come home with us, Terry's arms.
Come home.
417
00:18:15,637 --> 00:18:17,472
‐ No! My career will be over!
418
00:18:17,472 --> 00:18:19,683
Without Terry's arms,
all I'll be able to write
419
00:18:19,683 --> 00:18:23,228
is the erotic Luigi's Mansion fanfic
that comes to me so naturally.
420
00:18:23,228 --> 00:18:24,521
I can't go back to that!
421
00:18:24,521 --> 00:18:26,523
I won't go back to that!
422
00:18:27,316 --> 00:18:29,651
‐ Hey, Gladwell. I'm Yumyulack.
‐ So?
423
00:18:29,651 --> 00:18:30,986
‐ I'm head of mission security,
424
00:18:30,986 --> 00:18:33,488
so consider your dumb ass secured.
425
00:18:35,908 --> 00:18:38,535
‐ What did you do to him?
‐ He's 10,000 hours stupider.
426
00:18:38,535 --> 00:18:41,830
‐ I'm going to go write a novel
about video games and '80s movies!
427
00:18:41,830 --> 00:18:42,998
‐ He'll land on his feet.
428
00:18:42,998 --> 00:18:44,917
Oh man, I wish I had feet.
429
00:18:44,917 --> 00:18:47,085
I'm feeling pretty shitty.
‐ Korvo!
430
00:18:51,006 --> 00:18:53,383
Almost home, buddy.
Think solid, stay solid.
431
00:18:59,473 --> 00:19:02,059
‐ Who was that psycho?
432
00:19:19,243 --> 00:19:20,327
‐ Hey.
433
00:19:20,327 --> 00:19:21,286
Ah.
434
00:19:31,129 --> 00:19:32,840
‐ AISHA! Launch the ship!
435
00:19:32,840 --> 00:19:34,174
All crew members present.
436
00:19:34,174 --> 00:19:35,968
Launch activated.
437
00:19:38,053 --> 00:19:39,346
We're doing it!
438
00:19:39,346 --> 00:19:40,430
We're actually leaving.
439
00:19:43,100 --> 00:19:44,935
No, no, no, no. No, no, fuck!
440
00:19:44,935 --> 00:19:46,478
No, no, no, no. Noooo!
441
00:19:48,772 --> 00:19:49,940
No! What happened?
442
00:19:49,940 --> 00:19:51,984
All ship systems have been compromised
443
00:19:51,984 --> 00:19:54,236
by the heavy levels
of iron in these puffs.
444
00:19:54,236 --> 00:19:55,779
‐ Where did they all come from?
445
00:19:57,030 --> 00:19:59,324
‐ I... I guess it was me?
446
00:19:59,324 --> 00:20:00,826
I only remember packing a couple
447
00:20:00,826 --> 00:20:02,744
so the Pupa could have
favorite snacks for the trip.
448
00:20:02,744 --> 00:20:04,955
‐ You were trying to be
a better Pupa specialist.
449
00:20:04,955 --> 00:20:06,415
‐ We can clean this up, Korvo.
450
00:20:06,415 --> 00:20:08,917
You can talk us through the repairs.
451
00:20:08,917 --> 00:20:10,794
Please, I just started chronicling,
452
00:20:10,794 --> 00:20:13,714
and I don't want this to be how
my first journal entry ends.
453
00:20:13,714 --> 00:20:15,007
‐ Yeah, we can still save you.
454
00:20:15,007 --> 00:20:16,925
‐ No, the puffs
have destroyed the circuits.
455
00:20:16,925 --> 00:20:19,720
The damage is too severe.
You'll have to stay on Earth permanently.
456
00:20:19,720 --> 00:20:20,637
‐ But what about you?
457
00:20:20,637 --> 00:20:22,431
‐ I'm afraid it's time for me to goo.
458
00:20:22,431 --> 00:20:24,349
I'm sorry I failed you all as leader.
459
00:20:24,349 --> 00:20:27,269
Today, I realized that each of you
has been fulfilling your mission roles
460
00:20:27,269 --> 00:20:28,228
in convoluted ways
461
00:20:28,228 --> 00:20:31,523
because I hadn't created an environment
where my team could thrive.
462
00:20:31,523 --> 00:20:34,943
I should have set down roots on Earth,
found a work/life balance
463
00:20:34,943 --> 00:20:37,029
instead of repairing the doggone ship
all the time.
464
00:20:37,029 --> 00:20:38,280
‐ Ohh‐‐
‐ Korvo‐‐
465
00:20:38,280 --> 00:20:39,239
‐ Goodbye, big guy.
466
00:20:39,239 --> 00:20:40,991
‐ Alright, go enjoy your slip and slide
467
00:20:40,991 --> 00:20:42,451
and leave me to turn into goo.
468
00:20:42,451 --> 00:20:44,578
That's my final order as mission leader.
469
00:20:47,206 --> 00:20:51,084
Damn, Korvo,
that's a lot of emotional growth.
470
00:20:51,084 --> 00:20:54,505
And you know I could vacuum up
this puff dust in, like, two minutes.
471
00:20:54,505 --> 00:20:57,174
‐ Yes, I am well aware.
‐ So why you lie?
472
00:20:57,174 --> 00:20:59,551
‐ Being on Earth is
what's best for my team.
473
00:20:59,551 --> 00:21:01,178
Even if it's what's worst for me.
474
00:21:01,178 --> 00:21:02,804
Eww.
‐ Did you see that?
475
00:21:02,804 --> 00:21:05,307
I grew a leg.
Holy shit, another‐‐ another leg!
476
00:21:05,307 --> 00:21:06,308
My sacrifice!
477
00:21:06,308 --> 00:21:08,393
I was team leader,
and my team worked together!
478
00:21:08,393 --> 00:21:09,520
I'm regaining my form!
479
00:21:09,520 --> 00:21:11,688
‐ It's fucking gross.
Can you do it somewhere else?
480
00:21:11,688 --> 00:21:13,398
‐ Guys! Guys, get up here and help me!
481
00:21:13,398 --> 00:21:14,525
I'm getting my body back!
482
00:21:14,525 --> 00:21:16,485
Little help up here!
483
00:21:16,485 --> 00:21:17,736
Hello?
484
00:21:17,736 --> 00:21:19,863
Stop leaving me to die.
I'm not dying anymore!
485
00:21:19,863 --> 00:21:20,989
I'm thirsty for piss!
486
00:21:21,532 --> 00:21:22,824
Hah, finally back to normal.
487
00:21:22,824 --> 00:21:24,451
Feels good to not be goo anymore.
488
00:21:24,451 --> 00:21:25,744
‐ And did you mean it, Korvo?
489
00:21:25,744 --> 00:21:27,454
That you're going to put down
some roots this year?
490
00:21:27,454 --> 00:21:29,831
‐ Yes. If the options are turning
into a sack of slime
491
00:21:29,831 --> 00:21:32,835
or learning how to like Earth,
then I guess I'll have to give it a try.
492
00:21:32,835 --> 00:21:34,503
‐ Sounds like the Solar Opposites
are going to be having
493
00:21:34,503 --> 00:21:35,754
some fun this year!
494
00:21:35,754 --> 00:21:37,172
‐ And the fun will begin right now
495
00:21:37,172 --> 00:21:39,132
as we watch
all the Tom Clancy movies in order
496
00:21:39,132 --> 00:21:40,467
starting with
The Hunt For Red October!
497
00:21:40,467 --> 00:21:43,011
‐ What? No, those are grownup movies.
Can't we watch John Wick?
498
00:21:43,011 --> 00:21:44,638
‐ No! I'm setting down roots
the way I want,
499
00:21:44,638 --> 00:21:46,890
and that means Jack Ryan
and courtroom dramas.
500
00:21:46,890 --> 00:21:49,977
‐ Sorry, back up.
Which Jack Wick movie are we watching?
501
00:21:49,977 --> 00:21:51,353
‐ It's Jack Ryan, dummy.
Keep up.
502
00:21:51,353 --> 00:21:53,355
‐ Is this gonna be happening
all the time now, Jesse?
503
00:21:53,355 --> 00:21:55,148
‐ You know I hate repeating myself!
504
00:21:56,441 --> 00:21:57,526
‐ My hand's cramping!
505
00:21:57,526 --> 00:22:00,237
‐ Well, why don't you use that Talkboy
you're so keen on tricking me with
506
00:22:00,237 --> 00:22:01,572
and transcribe it later?
507
00:22:07,744 --> 00:22:10,873
‐ Mmm, I must say, Pupa.
Nothing like a purple puff.
508
00:22:10,873 --> 00:22:13,292
So her old man went for the bargain,
just like we thought.
509
00:22:13,292 --> 00:22:14,459
‐ Mmm, yummy!
510
00:22:14,459 --> 00:22:16,628
‐ You're a cold‐hearted
son of a bitch, Pupa.
511
00:22:16,628 --> 00:22:17,880
Who's our next target?
512
00:22:17,880 --> 00:22:19,756
The heir to the Popchips fortune?
513
00:22:19,756 --> 00:22:21,842
Hell yes, let's fucking go.
514
00:22:24,052 --> 00:22:26,889
‐ Ooh, ma'am, that was final boarding.
I have to close the door.
515
00:22:26,889 --> 00:22:28,557
‐ No! You can't!
516
00:22:28,557 --> 00:22:30,100
My fiancé's coming.
517
00:22:30,100 --> 00:22:32,561
I know he is.
‐ Mmm, yeah.
518
00:22:32,561 --> 00:22:35,272
Let me take you to our section for people
who were stood up by their loved ones.