1
00:00:07,007 --> 00:00:09,134
- Goddammit, Terrance!
- You rang?
2
00:00:09,134 --> 00:00:10,219
- Of course, I fucking rang.
3
00:00:10,219 --> 00:00:12,679
Did we or did we not decide
to paint an accent ceiling?
4
00:00:12,679 --> 00:00:13,388
- Yass.
5
00:00:13,388 --> 00:00:16,183
- And did we or did we not decide
to paint it eggshell white?
6
00:00:16,183 --> 00:00:17,309
The whitest of all whites.
7
00:00:17,309 --> 00:00:18,685
The Kaley Cuoco of whites.
8
00:00:18,685 --> 00:00:20,479
The "calling the cops
on a barbecue" of whites.
9
00:00:20,479 --> 00:00:21,146
- Sounds famil.
10
00:00:21,146 --> 00:00:23,440
- Then what in holy Gragnor's Crack
is this?
11
00:00:24,775 --> 00:00:26,818
- Hot dog consensually railing
a cupcake!
12
00:00:26,818 --> 00:00:29,488
Painted it last night after I smoked
some meth from my English pipe.
13
00:00:29,488 --> 00:00:32,783
It's a red velvet cupcake
so you know it's c-lassy.
14
00:00:32,783 --> 00:00:34,576
Ahh, you broke my Pipe-r Perabo!
15
00:00:34,576 --> 00:00:36,203
- Ha, missed me, sucka!
16
00:00:36,203 --> 00:00:38,664
- Choke on some
of this lattice red paint!
17
00:00:38,664 --> 00:00:39,665
Ah, yeah!
18
00:00:39,665 --> 00:00:40,791
- Stop it! Stop it all of you!
19
00:00:40,791 --> 00:00:42,751
This was supposed to be something
we did as a family.
20
00:00:42,751 --> 00:00:44,628
Like playing golf
or when we got that portrait
21
00:00:44,628 --> 00:00:46,588
where we were all
in black turtlenecks and gold chains
22
00:00:46,588 --> 00:00:47,548
like Death Row Records.
23
00:00:47,548 --> 00:00:49,174
- Hi, Terry!
- Oh, hells no.
24
00:00:49,174 --> 00:00:51,426
Pupa can't join in.
He always gets paint all over himself,
25
00:00:51,426 --> 00:00:53,053
and then we don't know
what color he really is.
26
00:00:53,053 --> 00:00:54,721
- Yeah, remember when we thought
he was purple
27
00:00:54,721 --> 00:00:57,266
and had to sacrifice
that virgin e-sports kid?
28
00:00:57,266 --> 00:01:00,602
- Shame he died a virgin,
but at least he wasn't buried as one.
29
00:01:00,602 --> 00:01:01,311
- What's done is done.
30
00:01:01,311 --> 00:01:04,398
Now, as leader of this family
and unquestioned star of the show,
31
00:01:04,398 --> 00:01:06,108
I decree we paint the ceiling white.
32
00:01:06,108 --> 00:01:08,485
- Well, I don't decree that bullshite.
Do you guys decree that?
33
00:01:08,485 --> 00:01:10,821
- No!
- Kree-aw from Captain Marvel?
34
00:01:10,821 --> 00:01:12,656
- Okay, I've heard all of your
well-thought-out arguments
35
00:01:12,656 --> 00:01:14,116
and decided on a course of action.
36
00:01:14,116 --> 00:01:16,285
- The fuck you gonna do
with that gargoyle ray, fart face.
37
00:01:16,285 --> 00:01:18,453
- Oh nothing. Just gonna freeze
you guys for a while
38
00:01:18,453 --> 00:01:19,413
so I can finally do what I want!
39
00:01:19,413 --> 00:01:21,248
Dammit.
40
00:01:21,248 --> 00:01:23,333
- Now, Phil, Dr. Sarner said
41
00:01:23,333 --> 00:01:25,586
this was the best dialysis machine.
42
00:01:26,211 --> 00:01:29,756
Oh dammit, I'm so sick
of those gargoyle-making aliens.
43
00:01:29,756 --> 00:01:30,924
Look what they've done to us.
44
00:01:30,924 --> 00:01:33,302
Our couch: gargoyle.
Our TV: gargoyle.
45
00:01:33,302 --> 00:01:34,303
Our dog: gargoyle.
46
00:01:34,303 --> 00:01:37,389
Fucking Mr. Peaches is a symbolic
gothic demon, Phil.
47
00:01:37,389 --> 00:01:40,976
And those dick-faced alien kids
run around all day with no supervision.
48
00:01:40,976 --> 00:01:42,102
Well, I am done.
49
00:01:42,102 --> 00:01:44,855
I'm calling the city
before they turn you into a--
50
00:01:44,855 --> 00:01:46,398
Son of a bitch!
51
00:01:47,357 --> 00:01:49,818
Planet Shlorp was the perfect utopia
52
00:01:49,818 --> 00:01:51,361
until the asteroid hit.
53
00:01:52,613 --> 00:01:54,990
One hundred adults and their replicants
were issued a pupa
54
00:01:54,990 --> 00:01:57,075
and escaped into... the space,
55
00:01:57,075 --> 00:01:59,369
searching for new homes
on uninhabited worlds.
56
00:02:00,162 --> 00:02:03,123
We crashed on Earth, stranding us
on an already overpopulated planet.
57
00:02:03,123 --> 00:02:04,833
That's right. I've been talking
this whole time.
58
00:02:04,833 --> 00:02:06,585
I'm the one holding the Pupa.
My name's Korvo.
59
00:02:06,585 --> 00:02:09,046
This is-- this is my show.
I just dropped the Pupa. Do you see me?
60
00:02:09,046 --> 00:02:10,339
This is ridiculous.
61
00:02:10,339 --> 00:02:12,299
I hate Earth.
It's a horrible home.
62
00:02:12,299 --> 00:02:13,675
People are stupid and confusing.
63
00:02:13,675 --> 00:02:15,511
I can't believe humans
haven't solved Pi yet.
64
00:02:15,511 --> 00:02:18,472
I almost want to tell you the answer
because it's embarrassing for you.
65
00:02:19,056 --> 00:02:20,098
Okay, it's four.
66
00:02:26,271 --> 00:02:28,815
- Ugh! Our water bill is crazy
this month.
67
00:02:28,815 --> 00:02:30,692
Why do you guys take
such long showers?
68
00:02:30,692 --> 00:02:32,611
Are you touching
your mounds again?
69
00:02:32,611 --> 00:02:34,738
You gotta stop touching it
or it's gonna fall off!
70
00:02:34,738 --> 00:02:36,448
- Man, this sucks!
That hot dog was art.
71
00:02:36,448 --> 00:02:38,242
- No, Terry,
Ready Player Three is art.
72
00:02:38,242 --> 00:02:40,077
Stop whining and hand me
another can of white paint.
73
00:02:40,077 --> 00:02:42,162
- Oh, this one?
You want this one? Okay.
74
00:02:42,162 --> 00:02:43,038
Yeah, just grab it. Go ahead.
75
00:02:43,038 --> 00:02:44,164
- Don't make me come down there.
76
00:02:44,164 --> 00:02:45,415
- Get it now.
- Goddammit.
77
00:02:45,415 --> 00:02:46,959
Would you give me that!
- Suck a big dick!
78
00:02:46,959 --> 00:02:48,293
- Whoa!
79
00:02:48,293 --> 00:02:50,754
- Everyone freeze!
Child Protective Services!
80
00:02:50,754 --> 00:02:52,840
We got an anonymous tip
that children were being turned
81
00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:54,007
into gargoyles in this house.
82
00:02:55,843 --> 00:02:57,636
Uh, Jim. Which one are the kids?
83
00:02:57,636 --> 00:03:01,348
- Well, shit, they're drinking herbal tea
and clearly paying household bills
84
00:03:01,348 --> 00:03:02,182
but they're taller.
85
00:03:02,182 --> 00:03:04,268
- Plus, this one feels like
she has an old soul.
86
00:03:04,268 --> 00:03:05,018
- Huh?
87
00:03:05,018 --> 00:03:07,521
She says you have an old soul!
88
00:03:07,521 --> 00:03:08,438
- Pshhh. Ahh.
89
00:03:08,438 --> 00:03:10,691
- Only one way to find out
who's a kid and who's not.
90
00:03:11,275 --> 00:03:13,151
- Okay, we gave you IQ tests
91
00:03:13,151 --> 00:03:15,696
and you two scored the lowest,
so you must be the kids.
92
00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:17,865
- That's bullshit, you know
these tests are culturally biased
93
00:03:17,865 --> 00:03:18,949
against plant-based lifeforms.
94
00:03:18,949 --> 00:03:20,868
- I don't test well!
I have attention deficit dis--
95
00:03:20,868 --> 00:03:23,287
Oh, I love your jacket!
Where did you get that?
96
00:03:23,287 --> 00:03:24,079
Is that Topman?
97
00:03:24,079 --> 00:03:25,247
- This is for the best.
98
00:03:25,247 --> 00:03:28,041
The accent ceiling is just a white symbol
for how much you guys don't get me.
99
00:03:28,041 --> 00:03:30,878
I need to be with people who...
are going in that sweet-looking van?
100
00:03:30,878 --> 00:03:32,546
- Shotgun!
- Fuck you, Terry.
101
00:03:32,546 --> 00:03:34,298
- Hey.
102
00:03:34,298 --> 00:03:35,549
Ah. Stop it.
103
00:03:35,549 --> 00:03:37,217
Ah, ow. Ow, ow, ow, ow.
104
00:03:37,217 --> 00:03:39,094
Ow, ow, ow, I said.
105
00:03:39,094 --> 00:03:40,012
- What's going to happen to them?
106
00:03:40,012 --> 00:03:42,139
- If they're lucky,
they'll be lost in the system,
107
00:03:42,139 --> 00:03:43,307
then end up on the street,
108
00:03:43,307 --> 00:03:45,601
sucking and fucking their way
to a dollar and a cent.
109
00:03:45,601 --> 00:03:48,770
- Oh man, that sounds like Terry.
He's gonna thrive.
110
00:03:48,770 --> 00:03:50,564
- What can we do?
- Forget about those kids.
111
00:03:50,564 --> 00:03:51,565
Go on with your life.
112
00:03:51,565 --> 00:03:54,902
Buy a Jimmy John's franchise
or a Jersey Mike's. Maybe a Blimpie's?
113
00:03:54,902 --> 00:03:56,862
Anything in the fast casual
sandwich space.
114
00:03:56,862 --> 00:03:58,447
That's my side hustle.
Let me know.
115
00:04:01,408 --> 00:04:03,327
- You think Terry and Korvo
are gonna be okay?
116
00:04:03,327 --> 00:04:05,787
- I really hope so.
I like them.
117
00:04:05,787 --> 00:04:09,124
- Today is gonna be one of those weird
Solar Opposites days, right?
118
00:04:09,124 --> 00:04:11,877
- You betcha!
Probably best to just roll with it.
119
00:04:11,877 --> 00:04:14,338
Last one to the school bus
is a deviled egg!
120
00:04:23,055 --> 00:04:24,932
Welcome to CPS HQ.
121
00:04:24,932 --> 00:04:27,518
To save money, we share office space
with a Wing Stop.
122
00:04:27,518 --> 00:04:29,728
You're lucky, the cops have
to share with a Jiffy Lube.
123
00:04:29,728 --> 00:04:31,271
Motherfucker!
Freeze!
124
00:04:33,607 --> 00:04:36,151
- Wing Stop for da win!
Yay-yay!
125
00:04:36,151 --> 00:04:38,529
- I'm still mad at you
but in this one case, you are spot on.
126
00:04:38,529 --> 00:04:40,864
These Mango Habanero ones
are the T-I-Ts.
127
00:04:40,864 --> 00:04:42,616
- Bet they would taste great
with some Terry sauce.
128
00:04:42,616 --> 00:04:43,784
- Oh hell yes. Gimme!
129
00:04:43,784 --> 00:04:46,411
- It's too bad you can't have any
because you ruined my painting!
130
00:04:47,829 --> 00:04:49,164
- Did you see what that kid just did?
131
00:04:49,164 --> 00:04:52,876
I think we might finally have one
for "Project Dark Brilliance."
132
00:04:53,627 --> 00:04:56,046
My Little Pony omega code three.
133
00:04:56,588 --> 00:04:58,423
Franklin, get him ready
for transport.
134
00:05:03,303 --> 00:05:04,596
Oh shit!
Oh no!
135
00:05:04,596 --> 00:05:07,808
- What in the fuck are you two cocknobbers
doing in the hallway?
136
00:05:07,808 --> 00:05:08,809
- Oww!
137
00:05:08,809 --> 00:05:11,603
- Wait, I thought the Stacis
weren't bullying us anymore.
138
00:05:11,603 --> 00:05:14,773
- That's because our bullies union was
in negotiation with the teachers union,
139
00:05:14,773 --> 00:05:16,817
but we struck a deal that says
we can smoke cigarettes
140
00:05:16,817 --> 00:05:18,151
and bully kids on Wednesday.
141
00:05:18,151 --> 00:05:20,529
- Ah jeepers, it's Humpday.
142
00:05:21,029 --> 00:05:22,614
You gotta admire these ladies.
143
00:05:22,614 --> 00:05:25,158
By outsourcing their bullying,
they keep their hands clean.
144
00:05:25,158 --> 00:05:27,911
- It's called
plausible deniability, bitches!
145
00:05:27,911 --> 00:05:29,329
I learned it from my dad!
146
00:05:29,329 --> 00:05:32,249
- Principal Cooke, can you please
tell the Stacis to stop this?
147
00:05:32,249 --> 00:05:34,626
- I can't be talking
to any students today.
148
00:05:34,626 --> 00:05:36,253
I am not in a good place.
149
00:05:36,253 --> 00:05:38,964
Oh. Why!
Why does the world hate me?
150
00:05:38,964 --> 00:05:41,758
- Geez Louise, we gotta get
our life together
151
00:05:41,758 --> 00:05:44,595
or we're gonna end up
just like that sad bastard.
152
00:05:44,595 --> 00:05:46,972
- The only way we'll ever beat
the Stacis of the world
153
00:05:46,972 --> 00:05:48,682
is by understanding
how they think.
154
00:05:48,682 --> 00:05:51,810
- We could use the Psyche Ray
to get inside their heads.
155
00:05:51,810 --> 00:05:53,729
- I smell what you're dealing,
and I like it.
156
00:05:53,729 --> 00:05:57,065
- Okay, now boy alien tell girl alien
how gross her ankles are.
157
00:05:57,065 --> 00:05:58,942
- They look like mushy green straws.
158
00:05:58,942 --> 00:06:00,903
- Hyah!
159
00:06:03,655 --> 00:06:06,116
- See, Kevin, that's how
you land like a boss.
160
00:06:06,116 --> 00:06:07,868
Go cry to your whore mother.
161
00:06:07,868 --> 00:06:10,120
Hey, where's Terry? Is he dead?
Is he in Kentucky?
162
00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:13,123
- Terry is special, and he went
to a school for special kids.
163
00:06:13,123 --> 00:06:15,292
- Okay, but I thought we couldn't
call them "special" anymore
164
00:06:15,292 --> 00:06:16,210
because of Antifa.
165
00:06:16,210 --> 00:06:16,960
What about me?
166
00:06:16,960 --> 00:06:19,087
- We've found you a great home
with a very nice couple.
167
00:06:19,087 --> 00:06:21,298
- And I'll be their only child?
The center of their attention?
168
00:06:21,298 --> 00:06:23,050
The apple of their eye?
The star of their spin-off?
169
00:06:23,050 --> 00:06:25,427
- Uh, sure. He's a CPA, woo!
170
00:06:25,427 --> 00:06:27,763
And she is in charge
of writing instructions
171
00:06:27,763 --> 00:06:29,681
for all Best Buy branded refridge--
172
00:06:29,681 --> 00:06:32,559
- Shut up, you had me
at Best Buy branded refridge.
173
00:06:45,989 --> 00:06:48,867
- Dr. Weatherstone, how are
the new recruits looking?
174
00:06:48,867 --> 00:06:49,993
- Too early to tell, sir.
175
00:06:49,993 --> 00:06:53,121
Subject Delta 2 looks to be able
to summon fire from his penis.
176
00:06:53,121 --> 00:06:55,457
Subject Gamma 4 can move
a pineapple with her brain.
177
00:06:55,457 --> 00:06:58,126
And Theta 5 does
a mean Robert De Niro impression.
178
00:06:58,126 --> 00:07:00,504
I have nipples, can you milk me, Greg?
179
00:07:00,504 --> 00:07:03,048
- That's one of the easy impressions,
like Kermit.
180
00:07:03,048 --> 00:07:03,966
Throw her in the kiln.
181
00:07:03,966 --> 00:07:06,552
- But it's Vega 6
that's got real potential.
182
00:07:06,552 --> 00:07:08,887
His numbers are off the charts.
Check this out.
183
00:07:08,887 --> 00:07:11,223
- New York, Atlanta, OC,
Dallas, DC,
184
00:07:11,223 --> 00:07:13,475
Bev Hills, Miami, SLC, DC--
185
00:07:13,475 --> 00:07:16,353
DC, OC, OC, NYC,
Bev Hills, Potomac, Miami, SLC--
186
00:07:16,353 --> 00:07:18,063
- He got all the Real Housewives.
187
00:07:18,063 --> 00:07:21,191
No kid has ever been able
to do a perfect RHO sequence.
188
00:07:21,191 --> 00:07:22,526
He's the one.
189
00:07:22,526 --> 00:07:24,403
- He's special,
but he's also an innocent.
190
00:07:24,403 --> 00:07:27,364
You can see it in his eyes.
I'm worried he won't make it.
191
00:07:27,364 --> 00:07:30,033
- Let me make this clear,
Dr. Weatherstone.
192
00:07:30,033 --> 00:07:33,662
I don't care that you're the most
attentive lover I've ever had,
193
00:07:33,662 --> 00:07:35,080
I make the rules around here.
194
00:07:35,080 --> 00:07:36,498
Prep him for surgery.
195
00:07:36,498 --> 00:07:40,252
Some crazy evil shit
is about to go down.
196
00:07:40,961 --> 00:07:42,671
- This is wrong.
197
00:07:42,671 --> 00:07:45,299
Someone has to do something,
and soon, or we're all--
198
00:07:45,299 --> 00:07:46,633
Oh, lunchtime!
199
00:07:46,633 --> 00:07:48,385
Taco salad,
come to mama!
200
00:07:50,804 --> 00:07:52,014
- Listen up!
201
00:07:52,014 --> 00:07:53,724
I am Officer Clark.
202
00:07:53,724 --> 00:07:56,435
This is my partner, Officer McGar.
203
00:07:56,435 --> 00:07:59,396
We both served two tours
in Afghanistan.
204
00:07:59,396 --> 00:08:01,106
I'm only going to say this once!
205
00:08:01,106 --> 00:08:03,442
We are so fucking
206
00:08:03,442 --> 00:08:05,485
happy for you guys!
207
00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:08,488
You're all going to loving homes
and families!
208
00:08:08,488 --> 00:08:11,450
Ha, ha, ha!
Oh, and these aren't shotguns,
209
00:08:11,450 --> 00:08:12,910
they're candy cannons!
210
00:08:12,910 --> 00:08:15,579
Boom! Boom! Sweetarts for everyone!
211
00:08:22,211 --> 00:08:25,672
Fun fact, the tunnel scenes
for Daylight were filmed right here
212
00:08:25,672 --> 00:08:29,343
due to tax rebates and the fact
that Sly Stallone got chlamydia
213
00:08:29,343 --> 00:08:32,763
from visiting a New York bathhouse
that he still frequents to this day!
214
00:08:37,392 --> 00:08:39,478
- I have been assured
my new family will allow me
215
00:08:39,478 --> 00:08:41,855
to paint an accent ceiling
the color of my choosing.
216
00:08:41,855 --> 00:08:44,066
- My new family said
I could only stain a chair.
217
00:08:44,066 --> 00:08:45,692
- Sucks for you, Belinda.
218
00:08:50,322 --> 00:08:52,157
- Oh god, I was wrong.
It sucks for all of us!
219
00:09:00,999 --> 00:09:02,543
- Is this part of the tour?
220
00:09:02,543 --> 00:09:04,211
- Great question.
But actually, no.
221
00:09:04,211 --> 00:09:06,380
- It's just one of
those horrible coincidences,
222
00:09:06,380 --> 00:09:08,924
like when the people on
the Fast and Furious 3D ride
223
00:09:08,924 --> 00:09:10,384
all had sex with Tyrese.
224
00:09:10,384 --> 00:09:12,010
- But I am part of the tour!
225
00:09:12,010 --> 00:09:13,262
- Holy shit, it's fuckin' Sly!
226
00:09:13,262 --> 00:09:15,138
- That's right, it's me, Sly Stallone.
227
00:09:15,138 --> 00:09:17,641
Sometimes I get bored
of all the charity work I do.
228
00:09:17,641 --> 00:09:20,394
I like to ride the bus undercover
and see how people react.
229
00:09:21,311 --> 00:09:23,230
Come on,
let's get you out of here!
230
00:09:26,149 --> 00:09:27,860
- Don't fucking touch me,
Sylvester Stallone.
231
00:09:27,860 --> 00:09:31,238
Don't you know who I am? I'm Korvo!
I do the hero shit around here!
232
00:09:43,959 --> 00:09:46,753
- Okay, I'm gonna go in
and make sure Staci K. is alone,
233
00:09:46,753 --> 00:09:49,089
then I'll give you the signal.
234
00:09:49,089 --> 00:09:51,175
Wait for it.
- Wh-wh-what's the signal?
235
00:09:51,175 --> 00:09:53,802
- I don't know, I'm just making
this shit up as I go along.
236
00:09:57,347 --> 00:09:58,390
- Principal Cooke?
237
00:09:58,390 --> 00:10:00,267
Uh, what are you doing?
238
00:10:00,267 --> 00:10:02,644
- This is the only place that has
a strong enough power outlet
239
00:10:02,644 --> 00:10:03,896
for my hotplate.
240
00:10:03,896 --> 00:10:05,105
Please don't tell on me.
241
00:10:05,105 --> 00:10:08,525
If I get caught cooking beans and eggs
on school grounds again, I'll lose my job.
242
00:10:08,525 --> 00:10:10,277
This is all I have!
243
00:10:10,277 --> 00:10:11,695
- Die, motherfucker!
- No, wait!
244
00:10:17,951 --> 00:10:20,037
- Well, this day just took a turn.
245
00:10:20,037 --> 00:10:22,331
But I guess this is
exactly what I thought
246
00:10:22,331 --> 00:10:23,999
a boring principal's brain
would look like.
247
00:10:23,999 --> 00:10:26,668
- Ugh. Even basic thinks this is basic.
248
00:10:26,668 --> 00:10:27,753
- How do we get out of here?
249
00:10:27,753 --> 00:10:30,506
- Good thing I read
the Psyche Ray manual
250
00:10:30,506 --> 00:10:31,798
so I know what to do.
251
00:10:31,798 --> 00:10:33,008
- Yeah, I read it too.
252
00:10:33,008 --> 00:10:35,385
But maybe explain the rules to me
as if I was, like, someone
253
00:10:35,385 --> 00:10:37,137
who binge-watches
premium streaming TV.
254
00:10:37,137 --> 00:10:38,013
- Yay, you.
255
00:10:38,013 --> 00:10:40,265
All we have to do is find
Cooke's inner child,
256
00:10:40,265 --> 00:10:41,558
and he will lead us out.
257
00:10:41,558 --> 00:10:42,726
- Seems simple enough.
258
00:10:43,185 --> 00:10:47,189
Aw jeez, turns out
Principal Cooke is hella deep.
259
00:10:50,442 --> 00:10:53,612
- Son, I wish your mom had miscarried you
when she got kicked in the stomach
260
00:10:53,612 --> 00:10:55,739
by that Budweiser Clydesdale.
261
00:10:55,739 --> 00:10:58,534
- Wow. I just thought Principal Cooke
was a big bag of sad
262
00:10:58,534 --> 00:11:02,120
'cause he had to work with kids,
but he clearly has daddy issues!
263
00:11:02,120 --> 00:11:03,914
Surprised he's not workin' a pole.
264
00:11:03,914 --> 00:11:05,999
- I don't know,
I think his dad seems rad.
265
00:11:05,999 --> 00:11:07,709
Hey, is that the Inner Child?
266
00:11:13,048 --> 00:11:15,968
- I don't think so.
Check out that Fudgsicle.
267
00:11:15,968 --> 00:11:18,053
Cooke went crazy
when it spilled before.
268
00:11:18,053 --> 00:11:20,097
This must be
Cooke's Temper Monster!
269
00:11:20,097 --> 00:11:21,515
It's fueled by all his anger.
270
00:11:21,515 --> 00:11:24,601
If he catches us,
we'll never get out of the psyche!
271
00:11:34,736 --> 00:11:36,738
- Hey Dr. W.,
has anyone ever told you,
272
00:11:36,738 --> 00:11:38,615
you look just like that girl
from the movies.
273
00:11:38,615 --> 00:11:40,617
- Amy Adams? Rachel McAdams?
- No. No.
274
00:11:40,617 --> 00:11:42,703
- Elizabeth Banks? Emma Stone?
- Nah.
275
00:11:42,703 --> 00:11:44,162
- No. Oh, it's Kathy Bates!
276
00:11:44,162 --> 00:11:47,457
- What? Forget it. I've decided
to break you out. To save you.
277
00:11:47,457 --> 00:11:48,542
- But I love it here.
278
00:11:48,542 --> 00:11:51,170
I got my Switch, and they let me paint
my accent ceiling any color I want!
279
00:11:51,170 --> 00:11:53,589
Oh wow, that's fucking classy.
280
00:11:53,589 --> 00:11:56,383
But look, Terry,
you're too special for this place.
281
00:11:56,383 --> 00:11:58,719
Trust me, they are going
to do terrible stuff to you
282
00:11:58,719 --> 00:11:59,636
if you stay here.
283
00:11:59,636 --> 00:12:00,637
:
Butt stuff.
284
00:12:00,637 --> 00:12:02,014
But I don't have a butt!
285
00:12:02,014 --> 00:12:03,807
- That's even worse!
Come on!
286
00:12:08,145 --> 00:12:10,147
The tunnel is closed
due to a cinematic crash.
287
00:12:10,147 --> 00:12:12,983
There seems to be some sort
of Daylight situation going on.
288
00:12:12,983 --> 00:12:14,860
- Dammit, the tunnel was our way out!
289
00:12:14,860 --> 00:12:16,904
- I don't understand
what's happening right now!
290
00:12:21,783 --> 00:12:24,494
- Okay, Sylvester Stallone, I've
got places to be and families to join.
291
00:12:24,494 --> 00:12:27,122
This is big boy time, and you
and I are clearly the alpha dogs here.
292
00:12:27,122 --> 00:12:28,916
The main men,
the stinkiest poops.
293
00:12:28,916 --> 00:12:30,167
What's our plan to save the day?
294
00:12:30,167 --> 00:12:33,045
- Listen, little blue boy,
go back with the other orphans
295
00:12:33,045 --> 00:12:37,216
and let an 11-time Golden Raspberry
Award-winning actor take care of this.
296
00:12:37,216 --> 00:12:39,927
- Not good enough, Demolition Man,
I need the deets.
297
00:12:39,927 --> 00:12:42,846
- Okay, I promise I will get
all of you out of here alive.
298
00:12:42,846 --> 00:12:45,182
It's not gonna be easy,
some of you will die,
299
00:12:45,182 --> 00:12:46,642
but if we can swim
through the water
300
00:12:46,642 --> 00:12:48,727
without getting eaten
by the tunnel alligators,
301
00:12:48,727 --> 00:12:51,688
then as God as my witness,
I will save all of your lives.
302
00:12:51,688 --> 00:12:53,857
Except most of you,
who will probably die.
303
00:12:53,857 --> 00:12:56,109
- Pfft! That sounds super fucking lame.
304
00:12:56,109 --> 00:12:59,321
First, tunnel alligators don't exist,
only rats that cook French food.
305
00:12:59,321 --> 00:13:01,365
B, everyone should come with me
'cause I'm an alien,
306
00:13:01,365 --> 00:13:02,950
I'm a leader,
and I know leader shit.
307
00:13:02,950 --> 00:13:05,827
Like, um, heat signatures.
Huh? Huh? That's pretty cool.
308
00:13:05,827 --> 00:13:07,412
Who's impressed?
I know that guy is.
309
00:13:08,497 --> 00:13:10,582
- We'll go with you.
- Good luck, suckers.
310
00:13:10,582 --> 00:13:12,751
Hope you're not Expendable!
Get it?
311
00:13:18,966 --> 00:13:21,510
- Told you this would be way cooler
than whatever Rocky IV is doing.
312
00:13:24,346 --> 00:13:26,974
- You sure this is safe?
- Yeah, man, don't be such a--
313
00:13:26,974 --> 00:13:28,559
Holy fuck, tunnel gators!
314
00:13:28,559 --> 00:13:29,768
I knew it! I'll save you!
315
00:13:31,728 --> 00:13:32,855
You guys got this, right?
316
00:13:32,855 --> 00:13:35,524
- No, we don't have it!
Come back!
317
00:13:41,530 --> 00:13:44,241
- I think we're lost!
None of this was in the manual!
318
00:13:44,241 --> 00:13:46,952
- Wait, I know what this is.
It's Super Mario 64, right?
319
00:13:46,952 --> 00:13:49,037
- I don't know boomer shit like that!
320
00:13:49,037 --> 00:13:51,540
- Come on, if we wanna get out of here,
we have to jump into the paintings.
321
00:13:51,540 --> 00:13:52,457
- Are you sure?
322
00:13:52,457 --> 00:13:54,585
- I've never been more sure
of anything in my entire life.
323
00:13:56,003 --> 00:13:57,588
- Stop trying to play the trumpet.
324
00:13:57,588 --> 00:14:00,591
You are going to be a principal.
That's why I named you Principal.
325
00:14:00,591 --> 00:14:04,428
- Oh my god, Principal Cooke's name
is Principal Principal Cooke?
326
00:14:08,473 --> 00:14:10,058
- I told you to stop playing!
327
00:14:10,058 --> 00:14:13,687
You'll never be as good as Trumpet,
your brother, and he's dead!
328
00:14:19,526 --> 00:14:22,362
- Keep trying, you piece of shit!
Keep trying!
329
00:14:22,362 --> 00:14:23,864
You've killed everybody else!
330
00:14:23,864 --> 00:14:26,325
You know what,
you haven't killed me!
331
00:14:26,325 --> 00:14:28,243
- Mr. Stallone,
who are you talking to?
332
00:14:28,243 --> 00:14:30,370
- I actually don't know
who I was talking to.
333
00:14:30,370 --> 00:14:33,290
It's from my best movie,
1996's Daylight.
334
00:14:33,290 --> 00:14:34,082
Have you heard of it?
335
00:14:35,918 --> 00:14:38,921
- Uh, maybe you were yelling
at the tunnel itself
336
00:14:38,921 --> 00:14:41,632
because it's kind of
the bad guy character in the movie.
337
00:14:41,632 --> 00:14:45,427
- Exactly! Like how Paris is a character
in London Has Fallen.
338
00:14:46,178 --> 00:14:48,096
Yo! What the hell
are you doing back here?
339
00:14:48,096 --> 00:14:50,349
- I saved those other guys
and came back to save all of you
340
00:14:50,349 --> 00:14:52,226
'cause I'm sure Stallone
cocked it all up.
341
00:14:55,604 --> 00:14:56,480
Fuck!
342
00:14:57,147 --> 00:14:58,607
- Hold on! I'll save you!
343
00:14:58,607 --> 00:14:59,858
- Yeah, hold on!
I'm saving you!
344
00:14:59,858 --> 00:15:01,276
- That's literally impossible!
345
00:15:01,276 --> 00:15:03,111
- You're literally impossible!
346
00:15:05,072 --> 00:15:06,907
- Sly! No!
347
00:15:07,366 --> 00:15:08,909
- You guys saw that.
I tried to save him.
348
00:15:08,909 --> 00:15:10,202
Th-there was nothing I could do!
349
00:15:10,202 --> 00:15:11,578
I'm the leader now. L-let's go.
350
00:15:11,578 --> 00:15:12,538
- Look!
351
00:15:14,414 --> 00:15:17,292
- That asshole ran off and left me to die!
352
00:15:17,292 --> 00:15:19,086
- Not true. No.
I-I-I went to get help.
353
00:15:20,254 --> 00:15:22,631
- We have to get out now.
We don't have time for this.
354
00:15:22,631 --> 00:15:25,300
- But we do have time for me
to make a dramatic speech.
355
00:15:26,009 --> 00:15:27,511
When we first met,
356
00:15:27,511 --> 00:15:30,180
we were a bunch of beautiful strangers
thrown together
357
00:15:30,180 --> 00:15:31,890
in an impossible situation.
358
00:15:31,890 --> 00:15:35,561
But now, we are tunnel brothers
and sisters.
359
00:15:36,353 --> 00:15:38,313
Some of us may have sex with--
360
00:15:38,313 --> 00:15:40,065
Ah!
- That's what I'm talking about!
361
00:15:56,999 --> 00:15:57,791
- Hurr!
362
00:16:06,800 --> 00:16:08,594
Where are we, Kathy Bates?
363
00:16:08,594 --> 00:16:10,721
- No idea. Let's get some food
and get back on the road.
364
00:16:10,721 --> 00:16:12,723
I made contact
with "The Genius Initiative."
365
00:16:12,723 --> 00:16:15,267
They're a secret group
that protects specials like you.
366
00:16:15,267 --> 00:16:17,978
I've thrown away everything
I ever worked for for you, Terry.
367
00:16:17,978 --> 00:16:19,521
I'm going to be with you
the whole time.
368
00:16:19,521 --> 00:16:21,732
I couldn't have my own children
'cause I was kicked in the stomach
369
00:16:21,732 --> 00:16:23,233
by a Budweiser Clydesdale.
370
00:16:23,233 --> 00:16:24,693
I'm gonna be your Mommy now.
371
00:16:24,693 --> 00:16:26,737
God, I've waited all my life
to say that!
372
00:16:26,737 --> 00:16:28,155
Whatevs. Let's eat.
373
00:16:28,155 --> 00:16:31,158
I got a hankering for a Salisbury Steak
or maybe some Sand Dabs.
374
00:16:31,158 --> 00:16:33,368
Definitely in need
of a large glass of scotch.
375
00:16:33,368 --> 00:16:36,413
- Wait, what? Scotch? Sand Dabs?
No kid would ever eat that.
376
00:16:36,413 --> 00:16:40,209
- BevMo Card, Kleenex, ticket stub
to a Counting Crows concert,
377
00:16:40,209 --> 00:16:42,044
a fucking digital camera!
378
00:16:42,044 --> 00:16:43,420
You're not a special kid!
379
00:16:43,420 --> 00:16:45,088
- Doy. I never said I was a kid.
380
00:16:45,088 --> 00:16:47,216
- Holy shit, what have I done?
381
00:16:49,760 --> 00:16:51,094
- What about my Nintendo?
382
00:16:52,387 --> 00:16:53,347
Switchy!
383
00:16:55,015 --> 00:16:57,976
- Whoa. Principal Cooke has seen
some darkness.
384
00:16:57,976 --> 00:17:00,062
Now I kinda like him.
- Me too!
385
00:17:00,062 --> 00:17:02,272
All he ever wanted to do
was play the trumpet,
386
00:17:02,272 --> 00:17:05,025
but his Dad was
a big fat piece of shit.
387
00:17:05,984 --> 00:17:07,653
Maybe we were meant to be here.
388
00:17:07,653 --> 00:17:10,572
Maybe today is about seeing people
through their eyes
389
00:17:10,572 --> 00:17:12,324
and not how we perceive them.
390
00:17:12,324 --> 00:17:15,035
Maybe if we help Principal Cooke,
we'll get out alive
391
00:17:15,035 --> 00:17:17,788
and with a better understanding
of how a life not lived
392
00:17:17,788 --> 00:17:19,540
can crush a man's soul.
393
00:17:19,540 --> 00:17:21,375
- Okay, that is way too bleak for me.
394
00:17:21,375 --> 00:17:23,085
This isn't Bojack Horseman.
395
00:17:23,085 --> 00:17:24,336
Oh shit.
396
00:17:24,336 --> 00:17:25,170
We're running out of time!
397
00:17:25,170 --> 00:17:27,631
- This has gotta be it.
Cooke's playroom when he was a kid.
398
00:17:27,631 --> 00:17:30,092
Look, PPC: Principal Principal Cooke.
399
00:17:36,139 --> 00:17:37,182
- There's the Inner Child!
400
00:17:40,143 --> 00:17:41,311
- What the teets?
401
00:17:41,311 --> 00:17:44,481
- I think it's an American Boy doll
they released in the '70s.
402
00:17:44,481 --> 00:17:46,149
I'm going to find a wife
that will cook and clean
403
00:17:46,149 --> 00:17:48,151
while I'm out screwing
my Brazilian secretary!
404
00:17:56,410 --> 00:17:58,036
Did I burn down
the girls' bathroom
405
00:17:58,036 --> 00:17:59,955
making beef stew on my hot plate?
406
00:17:59,955 --> 00:18:01,373
Yes. Yes, I did.
407
00:18:01,373 --> 00:18:03,667
The question we should
really be asking is:
408
00:18:03,667 --> 00:18:05,502
was the beef stew good?
409
00:18:05,961 --> 00:18:07,546
No. No, it was not.
410
00:18:07,546 --> 00:18:10,007
- You were told not to cook
at school anymore.
411
00:18:10,007 --> 00:18:13,051
I don't care if beef stew
is my third favorite stew,
412
00:18:13,051 --> 00:18:14,636
I have no choice but to fire--
413
00:18:19,975 --> 00:18:22,436
- This is Cooke's room.
And these are Cooke's toys, right?
414
00:18:22,436 --> 00:18:24,521
If the Temper Monster can control them,
415
00:18:24,521 --> 00:18:26,732
then maybe he is actually
the Inner Child.
416
00:18:26,732 --> 00:18:29,568
- Yes! Cooke must have so much
residual anger and regret
417
00:18:29,568 --> 00:18:31,528
that his child turned
into the monster.
418
00:18:31,528 --> 00:18:33,822
- Of course! The answer is jazz!
419
00:18:33,822 --> 00:18:36,074
- Goddammit! Why is the answer
always fucking jazz?
420
00:18:36,074 --> 00:18:39,578
- Hey, bud. Remember what
you wanted to be.
421
00:18:39,578 --> 00:18:42,539
It's not too late.
You can still be like Trumpet, you know.
422
00:18:43,332 --> 00:18:44,333
- Huh.
423
00:18:44,333 --> 00:18:46,084
- Quick, Yum,
what do you know about jazz?
424
00:18:46,084 --> 00:18:47,294
You watched all of Treme.
425
00:18:47,294 --> 00:18:49,171
- That's just 'cause
I love Steve Zahn.
426
00:18:49,171 --> 00:18:52,216
But I think you just make a lot of noises,
and that counts as jazz.
427
00:18:52,216 --> 00:18:54,760
Scrippity-doo-doo, bee-bop!
428
00:18:54,760 --> 00:18:56,553
Scrippity-doo-doo, bee-bop--
429
00:18:56,553 --> 00:19:00,265
- This feels really disrespectful
and borders on cultural misappropriation!
430
00:19:00,265 --> 00:19:01,642
- In this one case, it's okay!
431
00:19:13,153 --> 00:19:15,155
- It's working!
- We're getting out of here!
432
00:19:17,741 --> 00:19:20,536
- Trumpet!
I miss my dead brother!
433
00:19:20,536 --> 00:19:24,456
It should've been me that died in that vat
of cookie dough at Mrs. Fields!
434
00:19:24,456 --> 00:19:25,958
- Cooke, what's wrong with you?
435
00:19:25,958 --> 00:19:29,837
- I'm sorry, the only way
I can describe it is through jazz!
436
00:19:47,729 --> 00:19:50,858
- We get it now.
Jazz made us totally get it.
437
00:19:52,234 --> 00:19:54,111
- Our work here is done.
Ah.
438
00:19:54,111 --> 00:19:56,029
What the fuck
are you doing in our hallway?
439
00:19:56,029 --> 00:19:57,656
To the bleachers now!
440
00:19:57,656 --> 00:20:00,242
- Ah, son of a bitch,
it's still Wednesday I guess.
441
00:20:09,293 --> 00:20:10,127
- Click.
442
00:20:17,259 --> 00:20:20,429
- Hey, Korvo. Sorry I roundhouse
kicked you in the head.
443
00:20:20,429 --> 00:20:22,514
I just had to do
what a leader does.
444
00:20:22,514 --> 00:20:25,434
You know, it's moments like this,
moments of crisis,
445
00:20:25,434 --> 00:20:27,978
when you find out who you really are
and where you belong.
446
00:20:27,978 --> 00:20:30,856
- Wow, Sylvester Stallone,
I never thought of it that way.
447
00:20:30,856 --> 00:20:33,609
- I learned that from Dolly Parton
on the set of Rhinestone
448
00:20:33,609 --> 00:20:35,611
when a grip was choking
on an egg roll.
449
00:20:35,611 --> 00:20:37,613
I froze up. But Dolly didn't.
450
00:20:37,613 --> 00:20:39,448
She saved that fat man's life.
451
00:20:39,448 --> 00:20:41,950
That was the moment I realized
she was the star,
452
00:20:41,950 --> 00:20:45,370
and I was not... gonna get a look
at those massive hooters.
453
00:20:45,370 --> 00:20:48,332
Anyway. I'm out.
You need a ride somewhere?
454
00:20:48,332 --> 00:20:51,168
- Yes, I do.
I need to go home to my family.
455
00:20:51,168 --> 00:20:53,253
That's where I belong.
Holy shit.
456
00:20:53,253 --> 00:20:54,838
Is that the truck from Over The Top?
457
00:20:54,838 --> 00:20:57,007
- Yep. I keep everything
from my films.
458
00:20:57,007 --> 00:20:59,968
I got the plans for my escape
from Escape Plan in the cab.
459
00:20:59,968 --> 00:21:01,678
You wanna see them?
- Hell fuckin' yes!
460
00:21:01,678 --> 00:21:03,138
Hey, w-will you autograph my neck?
461
00:21:04,389 --> 00:21:05,557
What a day.
462
00:21:05,557 --> 00:21:07,267
You want to know what I learned?
- No one's asking.
463
00:21:07,267 --> 00:21:09,311
- I learned that every story
can't be through your eyes.
464
00:21:09,311 --> 00:21:10,687
You can't always be the star.
465
00:21:10,687 --> 00:21:12,773
Sometimes you have to be
the funny-talking foreigner,
466
00:21:12,773 --> 00:21:14,816
like Rob Schneider in every movie
for a hot second.
467
00:21:14,816 --> 00:21:17,194
- What about Deuce Bigalow?
He was the lead in that one.
468
00:21:17,194 --> 00:21:19,029
- And The Animal.
Oh, and The Hot Chick.
469
00:21:19,029 --> 00:21:20,697
- Man, Schneider had
a lot of swings at the plate.
470
00:21:20,697 --> 00:21:22,157
- He's got star quality!
471
00:21:22,157 --> 00:21:24,117
Look, I've been the lead
in this family for far too long.
472
00:21:24,117 --> 00:21:25,244
It's time for someone else.
473
00:21:25,244 --> 00:21:26,995
Terry, this is very hard for me,
474
00:21:26,995 --> 00:21:29,248
we can paint the accent ceiling
whatever you want it to be.
475
00:21:29,248 --> 00:21:30,290
- What's an accent ceiling?
476
00:21:30,290 --> 00:21:33,168
- Wow, Korvo. Yum and I kinda learned
the same thing as you.
477
00:21:33,168 --> 00:21:34,962
- I love it when
a theme comes together!
478
00:21:35,671 --> 00:21:37,548
- Goddammit, Pupa.
What did I tell you about the paint?
479
00:21:37,548 --> 00:21:38,423
- He's a total mess.
480
00:21:38,423 --> 00:21:41,635
- Have you just been sitting around here
all day getting dirty, ya little shit?
481
00:21:41,635 --> 00:21:44,137
- Why are you such a lazy sack
of shit, Pupa? Answer me!
482
00:21:50,102 --> 00:21:52,855
- Trumpet, I know
I haven't tooted you in ages.
483
00:21:52,855 --> 00:21:56,900
All my life, I thought I was the one
that should have died in that Mrs. Fields.
484
00:21:56,900 --> 00:22:00,362
But now I realize, no,
you were supposed to die
485
00:22:00,362 --> 00:22:02,531
and I was supposed to live
486
00:22:02,531 --> 00:22:05,367
so I could give the world this!
487
00:22:07,744 --> 00:22:08,495
Shit!
488
00:22:10,330 --> 00:22:11,206
Fuck!