1 00:00:06,005 --> 00:00:07,757 Previously on Velma 2 00:00:07,841 --> 00:00:11,553 She has no brain! 3 00:00:11,636 --> 00:00:13,388 Now, when I try to solve a mystery, 4 00:00:13,471 --> 00:00:16,891 my guilt triggers a potentially heart stopping hallucination. 5 00:00:16,975 --> 00:00:18,852 Wait, you think I killed Brenda? 6 00:00:18,935 --> 00:00:21,938 You just said you were going to do to me what you did to her. 7 00:00:22,021 --> 00:00:25,400 I meant pay you to keep quiet. I'm innocent! 8 00:00:27,694 --> 00:00:30,739 Uh, Velma, you should see this. 9 00:00:30,822 --> 00:00:31,822 Ugh! 10 00:00:33,199 --> 00:00:34,200 Ahhh! 11 00:00:35,410 --> 00:00:37,120 Oh God, it's Krista! 12 00:00:37,203 --> 00:00:38,997 And she also has no brain. 13 00:00:45,378 --> 00:00:47,505 So, what's more surprising? 14 00:00:49,674 --> 00:00:53,136 Fred Jones being arrested for murdering and removing the brains 15 00:00:53,219 --> 00:00:55,096 of Brenda Bright and Krista McCray 16 00:00:55,180 --> 00:00:57,724 or that his delicate, teen heartthrob good looks 17 00:00:57,807 --> 00:01:00,643 stem from the fact that he hasn't gone through puberty yet? 18 00:01:02,270 --> 00:01:03,539 The murders. Obviously, it's the murders. 19 00:01:03,563 --> 00:01:05,815 It's not small, it's scared! 20 00:01:05,899 --> 00:01:07,484 But it just goes to show, 21 00:01:08,318 --> 00:01:09,694 we all have secrets. 22 00:01:09,778 --> 00:01:12,655 Velma's birthday gift! 23 00:01:12,739 --> 00:01:15,116 Even the ones we least expect. 24 00:01:18,995 --> 00:01:21,164 Ahhh! 25 00:01:21,247 --> 00:01:24,167 But as much as you try to hide who you really are... 26 00:01:24,250 --> 00:01:27,003 Your ass is mine, best friend. 27 00:01:27,086 --> 00:01:30,423 ...Velma Dinkley always knows the ugly truth, 28 00:01:30,507 --> 00:01:33,676 Velma, have you seen that sweater vest I bought Sophie? 29 00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:35,428 Uh, no. 30 00:01:44,354 --> 00:01:47,690 Because without your ascot, you're naked. 31 00:01:48,942 --> 00:01:51,653 Jones Gentlemen's Accessories. 32 00:01:51,736 --> 00:01:54,072 What are you, poor? 33 00:01:54,155 --> 00:01:58,368 Yes, Fred Jones, heir to the Jones Gentlemen's Accessories fortune, 34 00:01:58,451 --> 00:02:00,411 was arrested last night for murder. 35 00:02:00,495 --> 00:02:02,330 Yeah, thanks to me! 36 00:02:02,413 --> 00:02:05,291 And according to the police, Jones would have gotten away with it, too. 37 00:02:05,375 --> 00:02:06,876 If it wasn't for his classmate... 38 00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:08,002 Say my name, say my name. 39 00:02:08,086 --> 00:02:09,254 Vermin Dorkley. 40 00:02:09,337 --> 00:02:11,214 It's Velma Dorkley! I mean Dinkley! 41 00:02:11,297 --> 00:02:16,219 And finally only one lawyer has agreed to represent Fred Jones. 42 00:02:16,302 --> 00:02:17,929 Vermin's own father, 43 00:02:18,012 --> 00:02:19,639 - Aman Dinkley! - What? 44 00:02:19,722 --> 00:02:22,767 Velma, winning this case could make your father rich! 45 00:02:22,851 --> 00:02:25,728 I already bought a baby monitor that shoots on film. 46 00:02:25,812 --> 00:02:27,355 It just looks more real, you know? 47 00:02:27,438 --> 00:02:28,773 Exactly. 48 00:02:28,857 --> 00:02:30,775 I mean, look at this from my perspective, Velma. 49 00:02:30,859 --> 00:02:33,778 If you needed money to keep your pregnant girlfriend happy, 50 00:02:33,862 --> 00:02:36,447 and then you heard what the Joneses are willing to pay, 51 00:02:36,531 --> 00:02:39,993 I'm sure you'd agree it's possible Fred didn't do it. 52 00:02:40,076 --> 00:02:41,995 Fred's a rich white guy with a tiny dong. 53 00:02:42,078 --> 00:02:43,746 He did it. Now, excuse me. 54 00:02:43,830 --> 00:02:46,791 I have to go find my missing mother. 55 00:02:46,875 --> 00:02:49,002 You didn't mention Fred had a tiny dong. 56 00:02:49,085 --> 00:02:50,420 Oh yeah, real baby carrot. 57 00:02:50,503 --> 00:02:53,715 And I'm going to ride it all the way to victory! 58 00:02:53,798 --> 00:02:54,798 Huh? 59 00:02:56,843 --> 00:02:58,737 Wow, people seem to be taking to the fact 60 00:02:58,761 --> 00:03:00,281 that Fred is a brain stealing sociopath 61 00:03:00,346 --> 00:03:02,015 - really well. - All our classmates 62 00:03:02,098 --> 00:03:05,059 are idiots or sheep, so let's assume they're high. 63 00:03:05,143 --> 00:03:08,897 Man, if I ever even think about getting into 420, 420 culture, 64 00:03:08,980 --> 00:03:11,608 or especially 420 related humor, kill me. 65 00:03:11,691 --> 00:03:13,276 You know what 420 is right? 66 00:03:13,359 --> 00:03:16,738 Um, yeah. It's code for adults who still watch cartoons. 67 00:03:16,821 --> 00:03:18,990 Now, have you seen Daphne? Her parents are detectives, 68 00:03:19,073 --> 00:03:21,534 so I need her help to get my mom's cold case files. 69 00:03:21,618 --> 00:03:23,554 You want me to come with in case you have another hallucination? 70 00:03:23,578 --> 00:03:26,331 Thanks. But after catching Fred, I feel my hallucinations 71 00:03:26,414 --> 00:03:28,166 are like the return of high waisted jeans. 72 00:03:28,249 --> 00:03:30,585 It took a while, but we're finally through the worst of it. 73 00:03:32,545 --> 00:03:35,882 Sweetie, are you sure you don't want to take a mental health day? 74 00:03:35,965 --> 00:03:37,926 It's not often your boyfriend is arrested 75 00:03:38,009 --> 00:03:39,636 for removing two of your friends' brains. 76 00:03:39,719 --> 00:03:42,388 Thank you. But if the kids in every teen show ever 77 00:03:42,472 --> 00:03:45,642 can get through a brush with a deranged serial killer, so can I. 78 00:03:46,726 --> 00:03:48,645 Good lord! 79 00:03:48,728 --> 00:03:51,314 It smells like the Playboy Jazz Festival out there. 80 00:03:51,397 --> 00:03:54,484 And a kid's eating sheet cake at 8:00 in the morning. 81 00:03:54,567 --> 00:03:57,007 - You thinking what I'm thinking? - Let's go get a sheet cake? 82 00:03:57,070 --> 00:03:58,070 High five! 83 00:03:59,364 --> 00:04:00,365 Hey, Daphne. 84 00:04:00,448 --> 00:04:02,200 What do you want, Vermin? 85 00:04:02,283 --> 00:04:04,786 Just to offer my sincerest condolences 86 00:04:04,869 --> 00:04:07,956 for the loss of your more popular friends that you picked over me. 87 00:04:08,039 --> 00:04:11,501 Stop! I know you think I'm a huge bitch who ditched you to be cool. 88 00:04:11,584 --> 00:04:13,670 What? That's so not true. 89 00:04:16,589 --> 00:04:18,174 Fine. 90 00:04:18,257 --> 00:04:19,509 I need a favor. 91 00:04:19,592 --> 00:04:21,320 I need you to get me my mom's cold case file. 92 00:04:21,344 --> 00:04:22,345 Why would I do that? 93 00:04:22,428 --> 00:04:23,513 We're not friends anymore. 94 00:04:23,596 --> 00:04:25,431 - We're nemesises... - Nemeses. 95 00:04:25,515 --> 00:04:27,225 - That's why. - Okay. 96 00:04:27,308 --> 00:04:30,603 Well, I was hoping you'd get it for me for old time's sake. 97 00:04:35,024 --> 00:04:36,359 I see. 98 00:04:36,442 --> 00:04:40,905 Well, for old time's sake, I'll give you the file... 99 00:04:40,989 --> 00:04:43,741 - Really? - For $500. 100 00:04:43,825 --> 00:04:46,369 Five hundred dollars? That's like, a million dollars. 101 00:04:46,452 --> 00:04:48,496 Well, like you said, I'm a huge bitch. 102 00:04:48,579 --> 00:04:49,706 I was being sarcastic. 103 00:04:49,789 --> 00:04:51,457 You can't read tone in graffiti. 104 00:04:51,541 --> 00:04:53,376 Five hundred dollars or nothing. 105 00:04:53,459 --> 00:04:54,459 Ugh. 106 00:04:56,129 --> 00:04:57,964 Now, first, thank you for taking my case. 107 00:04:58,047 --> 00:05:01,217 We could not be happier you're on the team, Velma's dad. 108 00:05:03,011 --> 00:05:05,638 Sorry, what we meant to say is that you are our last choice. 109 00:05:05,722 --> 00:05:07,515 And if you blow this, my family will bring 110 00:05:07,598 --> 00:05:09,767 the full weight of Jones Gentlemen's Accessories 111 00:05:09,851 --> 00:05:12,061 and Jones Gentlemen's Accessories for Women 112 00:05:12,145 --> 00:05:13,312 down on your head! 113 00:05:13,396 --> 00:05:16,441 Okay, uh, well, the case won't be easy. 114 00:05:16,524 --> 00:05:18,317 Of course it will. I'm innocent. 115 00:05:18,401 --> 00:05:21,029 The only reason people think I removed those girls' brains 116 00:05:21,112 --> 00:05:23,281 is because I "basically confessed" 117 00:05:23,364 --> 00:05:26,075 and have "well documented anger issues". 118 00:05:26,159 --> 00:05:27,410 I mean, does that even mean? 119 00:05:27,493 --> 00:05:28,828 Hey! Am I on a hunger strike? 120 00:05:28,911 --> 00:05:30,872 Where the hell are my pancakes? 121 00:05:32,915 --> 00:05:35,585 Uh, are you trying to choke me to death? 122 00:05:35,668 --> 00:05:36,919 You forgot cutties. 123 00:05:37,003 --> 00:05:39,088 You're embarrassing ourself, Frederick. 124 00:05:39,172 --> 00:05:40,798 It's bad enough you still eat pancakes 125 00:05:40,882 --> 00:05:43,551 and drink non alcoholic beverages like a baby! 126 00:05:43,634 --> 00:05:45,887 Yes, Father. Sorry... Sorry, Father. 127 00:05:45,970 --> 00:05:48,056 Our apologies, Aman. 128 00:05:48,139 --> 00:05:50,826 Freddie is due in court this afternoon, and the case has everyone out of sorts. 129 00:05:50,850 --> 00:05:53,978 No, this childishness is actually perfect. 130 00:05:54,062 --> 00:05:56,314 See, I feel the only way to prove Fred's innocence 131 00:05:56,397 --> 00:05:59,275 is to play up the fact that he's a late bloomer. 132 00:06:00,860 --> 00:06:04,864 I mean, the world sees Fred Jones, teen sociopath. 133 00:06:04,947 --> 00:06:09,827 So instead, let's show them Fred Jones, innocent little boy. 134 00:06:09,911 --> 00:06:11,245 It can't miss, right? 135 00:06:11,329 --> 00:06:12,705 Please say it can't miss. 136 00:06:12,789 --> 00:06:15,416 My girlfriend just bought a $2,000 stroller. 137 00:06:15,500 --> 00:06:17,085 - It hovers. - William, 138 00:06:17,168 --> 00:06:18,669 our son cannot go to prison. 139 00:06:18,753 --> 00:06:21,756 He can barely survive on the outside as is. 140 00:06:23,633 --> 00:06:26,469 Victoria, admitting he's a little boy is worse than any crime. 141 00:06:26,552 --> 00:06:28,054 It's embarrassing. 142 00:06:28,137 --> 00:06:32,225 He is the future CEO of Jones Gentlemen's Accessories! 143 00:06:32,308 --> 00:06:33,726 Is he, though? 144 00:06:38,564 --> 00:06:40,191 Well, try it your way. 145 00:06:40,274 --> 00:06:42,735 Great. I just hope people can actually think I'm a little kid. 146 00:06:42,819 --> 00:06:45,238 Ah, crap. I'm all syrupy. 147 00:06:45,321 --> 00:06:46,322 Bathies! 148 00:06:49,951 --> 00:06:51,536 So, Velma, 149 00:06:51,619 --> 00:06:53,472 what brings you to Casa Del Norville Rogers, Blythe Rogers 150 00:06:53,496 --> 00:06:55,665 and me, his father, Lamont Rogers? 151 00:06:55,748 --> 00:06:58,000 Here for a Rogering, as we might say? 152 00:06:58,084 --> 00:06:59,836 Oh, I was just in the neighborhood. 153 00:06:59,919 --> 00:07:02,004 No ulterior motive whatsoever. 154 00:07:02,088 --> 00:07:03,840 Hey, that's a nice vase. 155 00:07:03,923 --> 00:07:05,675 Is that worth $500? 156 00:07:05,758 --> 00:07:08,845 Oh, hey, look who's busy not finding my missing mother. 157 00:07:08,928 --> 00:07:10,805 Actually, Daphne's moms are here 158 00:07:10,888 --> 00:07:14,350 because they think we have a Candy Man problem at school. 159 00:07:14,433 --> 00:07:17,353 And as the principal, I've asked them to go undercover 160 00:07:17,436 --> 00:07:19,564 as high school students to find them. 161 00:07:19,647 --> 00:07:22,525 And that's the 4-1-1, home skillet. 162 00:07:22,608 --> 00:07:23,442 Words. 163 00:07:23,526 --> 00:07:24,526 Candy Man? 164 00:07:24,569 --> 00:07:26,195 I think you mean Sugar Daddy? 165 00:07:26,279 --> 00:07:27,405 And Sarah's 18. 166 00:07:27,488 --> 00:07:28,865 Her parents are cool with it. 167 00:07:28,948 --> 00:07:31,742 A Candy Man's a drug dealer, V-Dawg. 168 00:07:31,826 --> 00:07:32,869 I knew that. 169 00:07:32,952 --> 00:07:34,954 So is Norville in his room? 170 00:07:35,872 --> 00:07:37,206 What's going on, guys. 171 00:07:37,290 --> 00:07:39,292 So today on Norville Snacks, our World Tour 172 00:07:39,375 --> 00:07:41,460 continues East, as we say ni hao 173 00:07:41,544 --> 00:07:43,272 to Beijing style shrimp chips. 174 00:07:43,296 --> 00:07:45,214 - Norville! - Velma! Not while I'm live. 175 00:07:45,298 --> 00:07:47,860 I can't get banned for your thoughts on South Asian desserts again. 176 00:07:47,884 --> 00:07:49,969 I'm so sorry, but this is important. 177 00:07:50,052 --> 00:07:52,305 Daphne wants $500 for the file, 178 00:07:52,388 --> 00:07:54,807 and all my money is tied up in streaming services. 179 00:07:54,891 --> 00:07:56,684 Velma, I don't have it. 180 00:07:56,767 --> 00:07:58,370 My mom's birthday is coming up, and this year she just wants cash. 181 00:07:58,394 --> 00:08:00,146 Otherwise, you know I'd give it to you. 182 00:08:00,229 --> 00:08:02,064 I know, it's okay. 183 00:08:02,148 --> 00:08:05,234 Like the dessert course at an Indian restaurant just forget it. 184 00:08:09,155 --> 00:08:11,199 Wait in teen movies, 185 00:08:11,282 --> 00:08:12,909 whenever a girl needs money, 186 00:08:12,992 --> 00:08:14,535 a guy sells something 187 00:08:14,619 --> 00:08:16,954 and then blackmails the girl into dating him for it. 188 00:08:17,038 --> 00:08:21,083 Problematic, but effective. And hilarious! 189 00:08:21,167 --> 00:08:22,752 So it was not easy, 190 00:08:22,835 --> 00:08:24,587 but I got your $5. 191 00:08:24,670 --> 00:08:26,547 I assume I-O-U's are okay? 192 00:08:26,631 --> 00:08:28,257 It's $500, Velma. 193 00:08:28,341 --> 00:08:30,968 But if you don't have it, there might be a way you can earn it. 194 00:08:31,052 --> 00:08:33,095 I was thinking you could come work for me. 195 00:08:33,179 --> 00:08:35,556 Doing what? And is the office culture cool? 196 00:08:35,640 --> 00:08:36,933 Like, are there snacks? 197 00:08:40,269 --> 00:08:41,646 You're the Candy Man? 198 00:08:46,734 --> 00:08:48,319 Candy Woman. 199 00:08:48,402 --> 00:08:51,113 And I have your sugar right here. 200 00:08:51,197 --> 00:08:52,823 Daphne, why would you deal drugs? 201 00:08:52,907 --> 00:08:54,617 You're beautiful and popular. 202 00:08:54,700 --> 00:08:56,953 Being a bad girl too just muddles your brand. 203 00:08:57,036 --> 00:08:59,205 This doesn't make me a bad girl. 204 00:08:59,288 --> 00:09:02,333 According to TV, it's morally okay to deal drugs 205 00:09:02,416 --> 00:09:04,168 if your life is just kind of crappy. 206 00:09:04,252 --> 00:09:07,046 Like your kid's sick, you're a widow with a mortgage. 207 00:09:07,129 --> 00:09:08,756 You have to live on a lake in Missouri. 208 00:09:08,839 --> 00:09:10,508 Those are all white people, Daphne. 209 00:09:10,591 --> 00:09:13,803 Minorities on TV can only deal drugs to escape poverty. 210 00:09:13,886 --> 00:09:15,513 Wait, that's it. 211 00:09:15,596 --> 00:09:17,741 This is about you trying to run with your fancy rich crowd. 212 00:09:17,765 --> 00:09:19,642 Yup, that must be it. 213 00:09:19,725 --> 00:09:22,645 Because the brilliant Velma Dinkley knows everything about everyone, 214 00:09:22,728 --> 00:09:24,397 and isn't afraid to say it. 215 00:09:24,480 --> 00:09:26,607 Exactly. I spit truth without a filter, 216 00:09:26,691 --> 00:09:29,235 like every comedian before hashtag "MeToo". 217 00:09:29,318 --> 00:09:31,654 Look, are you in or are you out? 218 00:09:31,737 --> 00:09:33,072 Oh, I'm out. 219 00:09:33,155 --> 00:09:35,032 Because if you don't give me that file, 220 00:09:35,116 --> 00:09:37,034 I'll tell your police officer moms 221 00:09:37,118 --> 00:09:39,662 their perfect daughter is... 222 00:09:39,745 --> 00:09:43,749 You. Wouldn't. Dare. 223 00:09:45,084 --> 00:09:47,169 Yeah, no, it was a dumb idea. 224 00:09:47,253 --> 00:09:48,713 So what are we selling? 225 00:09:48,796 --> 00:09:51,924 Oh, just the usual. Zoinks, Jeepers, Mystery Machine, 226 00:09:52,008 --> 00:09:54,468 and of course, guh-guh-guh-guh-ganja. 227 00:09:55,344 --> 00:09:56,679 Only $80? 228 00:09:56,762 --> 00:09:59,515 But I need $500 to get a girl to date me. 229 00:09:59,598 --> 00:10:01,976 Hilarious. But no. 230 00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:05,646 Huh. 231 00:10:05,730 --> 00:10:07,982 Psst. You want to make some real money? 232 00:10:08,065 --> 00:10:10,860 I don't have time to flip houses, but I'll hear you out. 233 00:10:12,611 --> 00:10:13,611 Nice roller bag. 234 00:10:13,654 --> 00:10:15,323 You selling bibles later? 235 00:10:15,406 --> 00:10:17,658 Nice outfit. You driving a big rig to Bakersfield later. 236 00:10:17,742 --> 00:10:20,244 No, dummy. This is a disguise. 237 00:10:20,328 --> 00:10:22,913 Because what we're doing is illegal. 238 00:10:22,997 --> 00:10:27,043 Oh, sorry we can't all make it rain cool shades, El Chapo. 239 00:10:27,126 --> 00:10:28,446 You know what? Let's just do this. 240 00:10:28,502 --> 00:10:30,588 Don't you want any tips on selling? 241 00:10:30,671 --> 00:10:32,548 Mmm, I think I got it. 242 00:10:32,631 --> 00:10:35,259 Drugs are like crack to these people. 243 00:10:35,343 --> 00:10:39,096 Now most cultures of the world as a rule, wouldn't mix kiwi and whitefish. 244 00:10:39,180 --> 00:10:41,390 But they don't play by the rules in North Korea. 245 00:10:42,099 --> 00:10:43,099 Drugs here! 246 00:10:43,142 --> 00:10:44,602 Get your drugs here! 247 00:10:46,395 --> 00:10:48,397 Narc, narc. 248 00:10:48,481 --> 00:10:50,751 White girl with too much money white girl with too much money. 249 00:10:50,775 --> 00:10:53,152 You don't know me. I'm a white girl who's bored. 250 00:10:53,235 --> 00:10:54,528 Let's roll. 251 00:10:54,612 --> 00:10:56,113 Yeah. Go. I don't care. 252 00:10:56,197 --> 00:11:00,034 Enjoy your slow descent into organic farming, losers. 253 00:11:00,117 --> 00:11:01,786 Look, I know you're a genius... 254 00:11:01,869 --> 00:11:03,954 - Thank you. - Who thinks she has everyone pegged. 255 00:11:04,038 --> 00:11:06,916 - Only because I do. - But you might have more success with this 256 00:11:06,999 --> 00:11:09,085 if you went in just a little less judgy. 257 00:11:09,168 --> 00:11:10,336 Wait, I'm judgy? 258 00:11:10,419 --> 00:11:11,921 You would say something like that. 259 00:11:12,004 --> 00:11:14,673 You want your mom's cold case file, right? 260 00:11:14,757 --> 00:11:15,841 Yes. Fine. 261 00:11:15,925 --> 00:11:18,010 I'll try. I'll try. 262 00:11:18,094 --> 00:11:20,721 If you want to get swole, try Zoinks! 263 00:11:20,805 --> 00:11:22,556 You'll be bouncing them big old man boobs 264 00:11:22,640 --> 00:11:24,558 faster than you can say, "Who is this for?" 265 00:11:24,642 --> 00:11:25,935 Yeah, we like the sound of that. 266 00:11:26,018 --> 00:11:27,019 What'll it cost? 267 00:11:27,103 --> 00:11:28,729 Not much. Just your dad's love 268 00:11:28,813 --> 00:11:31,232 when you blow out your knee and lose your scholarship. 269 00:11:32,525 --> 00:11:34,318 I was being helpful. 270 00:11:34,402 --> 00:11:36,838 The sooner he can focus on getting his real estate license, the better. 271 00:11:36,862 --> 00:11:38,447 Jeepers raises your dopamine levels, 272 00:11:38,531 --> 00:11:40,509 so it will definitely help you memorize your lines. 273 00:11:40,533 --> 00:11:42,618 - Huzzah! - Huzzah! 274 00:11:42,701 --> 00:11:43,577 Huzzah! 275 00:11:43,661 --> 00:11:45,121 Yeah. I'm sorry, Velma. 276 00:11:45,204 --> 00:11:46,789 I could feel you forcing that. 277 00:11:46,872 --> 00:11:48,874 Yeah. You know what else feels forced? 278 00:11:48,958 --> 00:11:51,961 Your belief that you're the only one sleeping with the lead. 279 00:11:54,505 --> 00:11:55,548 Oh, my God. 280 00:11:55,631 --> 00:11:56,632 Sorry. Sorry. 281 00:11:56,715 --> 00:11:58,342 Okay. You're fired. 282 00:11:58,426 --> 00:11:59,718 What? Why? 283 00:12:06,725 --> 00:12:08,936 Uh, will I sell you a kidney, 284 00:12:09,019 --> 00:12:12,064 to get the $500 I need to make Velma date me? 285 00:12:12,148 --> 00:12:14,650 I mean, I'd be a fool not to at this point, right? 286 00:12:14,733 --> 00:12:16,819 Justice for Brenda and Krista! 287 00:12:16,902 --> 00:12:20,156 It's a mob scene here as Fred Jones arrives 288 00:12:20,239 --> 00:12:21,657 for his day in court. 289 00:12:22,616 --> 00:12:24,285 Aman, over here. 290 00:12:24,368 --> 00:12:27,621 Aman! How could you risk your career and entire livelihood 291 00:12:27,705 --> 00:12:29,665 on the most unlikeable defendant 292 00:12:29,748 --> 00:12:32,376 since that chimpanzee who ate a woman's face? 293 00:12:32,460 --> 00:12:35,004 Because what you see as risk, 294 00:12:35,087 --> 00:12:39,175 I see as mere... child's play. 295 00:12:39,258 --> 00:12:42,636 Hewo fwends! My name is Fwed! 296 00:12:42,720 --> 00:12:43,846 What's yours? 297 00:12:43,929 --> 00:12:45,764 Aw! 298 00:12:45,848 --> 00:12:49,935 Wow, I think I speak for the entire journalistic community when I say, 299 00:12:50,019 --> 00:12:51,812 "Don't I feel like an asshole!" 300 00:12:51,896 --> 00:12:55,941 No way this scrumptious muffin removed those girls' brains! 301 00:12:56,025 --> 00:12:57,860 T'anks, news lady! 302 00:13:03,324 --> 00:13:04,909 Stop! No pictures! 303 00:13:04,992 --> 00:13:06,619 Unless it's in portrait mode! 304 00:13:06,702 --> 00:13:07,453 Oh, God, 305 00:13:07,536 --> 00:13:09,330 he looks like Hitler! 306 00:13:09,413 --> 00:13:11,516 And not just because we compare everyone to Hitler these days. 307 00:13:11,540 --> 00:13:13,000 Ugh, come on! 308 00:13:14,627 --> 00:13:17,129 You couldn't keep your opinions to yourself, could you? 309 00:13:17,213 --> 00:13:19,423 I literally had to take five Jeepers 310 00:13:19,507 --> 00:13:21,967 not to strangle you... Whoa! 311 00:13:22,051 --> 00:13:24,803 Oh, sorry, I can't just conjure up a whole new personality 312 00:13:24,887 --> 00:13:27,056 whenever I want like some sort of sexy witch. 313 00:13:27,139 --> 00:13:28,557 Is that really what you think of me? 314 00:13:29,808 --> 00:13:31,143 Hey, girlies! 315 00:13:34,605 --> 00:13:36,690 Okay, since you know so much, 316 00:13:36,774 --> 00:13:38,567 why am I selling drugs? 317 00:13:38,651 --> 00:13:40,236 Um, easy. 318 00:13:40,319 --> 00:13:41,963 You're looking to rebel against your overprotective parents 319 00:13:41,987 --> 00:13:43,697 but don't have the balls to get pregnant. 320 00:13:43,781 --> 00:13:45,032 Wrong! 321 00:13:45,115 --> 00:13:46,955 I'm saving money to hire a private investigator 322 00:13:47,034 --> 00:13:48,911 to find my biological family. 323 00:13:48,994 --> 00:13:51,914 Yeah. Unexpected twist. 324 00:13:51,997 --> 00:13:53,207 Holy crap. Really? 325 00:13:53,290 --> 00:13:54,875 Looking for your family is a big deal. 326 00:13:54,959 --> 00:13:56,585 Yeah, it's just 327 00:13:56,669 --> 00:13:59,255 you know how different I am from my moms. 328 00:13:59,338 --> 00:14:01,882 I need to find out who I really am. 329 00:14:01,966 --> 00:14:03,342 Where do I come from? 330 00:14:03,425 --> 00:14:05,803 And how is my hair the color of buffalo wings? 331 00:14:05,886 --> 00:14:08,222 I just always figured your parents were Wilma Flintstone 332 00:14:08,305 --> 00:14:10,182 and Daniel Dae Kim. 333 00:14:10,266 --> 00:14:12,059 Freeze, person in baseball hat, 334 00:14:12,142 --> 00:14:13,936 putting drugs in my daughter's locker 335 00:14:14,019 --> 00:14:15,521 and other Oompa Loompa person! 336 00:14:15,604 --> 00:14:17,773 - We know you're the candymen! - Linda! 337 00:14:17,856 --> 00:14:19,608 You're a cop and not a teenager? 338 00:14:19,692 --> 00:14:20,859 But I love you! 339 00:14:20,943 --> 00:14:22,361 What do we do? I can't go to jail. 340 00:14:22,444 --> 00:14:23,821 - Run! - You know I can't. 341 00:14:23,904 --> 00:14:24,904 I'd prefer jail. 342 00:14:42,881 --> 00:14:44,466 I'm trapped! 343 00:14:49,555 --> 00:14:50,555 Oh, God! 344 00:15:01,609 --> 00:15:03,152 Oh, God, Daphne, no! 345 00:15:20,586 --> 00:15:21,629 Aw. 346 00:15:21,712 --> 00:15:23,005 Baby want sheet cake? 347 00:15:25,758 --> 00:15:28,052 Hey, hurry up in there! 348 00:15:28,135 --> 00:15:29,720 Give me the money! 349 00:15:29,803 --> 00:15:32,389 You wish, guy from that "wanted" poster all over town, 350 00:15:36,185 --> 00:15:38,288 All right. Don't make me come in the bathroom. 351 00:15:38,312 --> 00:15:40,064 I'm a thief, not a perve. 352 00:15:40,147 --> 00:15:42,024 Argh! 353 00:15:42,107 --> 00:15:43,107 Nothing can stop me 354 00:15:43,150 --> 00:15:45,194 from buying Velma's love! 355 00:15:46,195 --> 00:15:47,363 Oh, that might. 356 00:15:47,446 --> 00:15:49,114 Hey! 357 00:15:49,198 --> 00:15:51,367 It is Norville from Norville Snacks. 358 00:15:51,450 --> 00:15:52,743 Like, let him go, man. 359 00:15:54,912 --> 00:15:57,539 Wait, you stoners watch Norville Snacks? 360 00:15:57,623 --> 00:16:01,335 Damn it! This is exactly what happened to my vlog about Lil Wayne. 361 00:16:02,795 --> 00:16:04,922 God, where is that candyman? 362 00:16:05,005 --> 00:16:07,216 I mean candyperson. It could be anybody. 363 00:16:07,299 --> 00:16:09,551 Even though we both definitely know it's a man. 364 00:16:11,303 --> 00:16:13,806 "I'm home and want to adopt a sick cat. Where are you?" 365 00:16:15,349 --> 00:16:16,266 A cat needs our love! 366 00:16:16,350 --> 00:16:17,976 Out of our way! 367 00:16:20,145 --> 00:16:22,731 Whoa, that totally worked, Velma. 368 00:16:22,815 --> 00:16:24,024 A lotta help. 369 00:16:29,822 --> 00:16:33,409 Oh, sorry. I was just wiping some garbage slime off your cheek. 370 00:16:33,492 --> 00:16:36,453 Oh. Yeah, me too. Slime. 371 00:16:36,537 --> 00:16:40,499 Okay. Well, thankfully, your moms are still hella bad detectives. 372 00:16:40,582 --> 00:16:42,126 Yeah, 373 00:16:42,209 --> 00:16:45,546 they still think I spent $200 on a math tutor named Coachella. 374 00:16:47,047 --> 00:16:49,133 Wait. Am I enjoying hanging out with you again? 375 00:16:49,216 --> 00:16:51,218 Or is it the high of moderate exercise? 376 00:16:51,301 --> 00:16:54,096 I don't know. Maybe I'm not the shallow monster you think I've become. 377 00:16:54,179 --> 00:16:55,806 Maybe you judge people so harshly 378 00:16:55,889 --> 00:16:57,766 because it's easier to feel right from afar 379 00:16:57,850 --> 00:16:59,935 than risk getting close and being wrong. 380 00:17:00,018 --> 00:17:01,603 Okay, Easy, Dr. Phil. 381 00:17:01,687 --> 00:17:03,230 I'm the brains of this operation. 382 00:17:03,313 --> 00:17:05,607 You're just the look, style and effortless charm. 383 00:17:05,691 --> 00:17:07,818 We do make a good team, don't we? 384 00:17:09,361 --> 00:17:10,696 Well, 385 00:17:10,779 --> 00:17:13,282 speaking of teams, someone's looking to score. 386 00:17:13,365 --> 00:17:14,783 And if you want your mom's file, 387 00:17:14,867 --> 00:17:16,827 you're going to sell to them my way. 388 00:17:19,705 --> 00:17:22,332 That's him. The guy in the beanie. 389 00:17:22,416 --> 00:17:25,043 It's always the guy in the beanie. 390 00:17:25,127 --> 00:17:27,296 A beanie? It's 90 degrees out! 391 00:17:27,379 --> 00:17:28,714 And I'm not supposed to assume 392 00:17:28,797 --> 00:17:30,966 - he's hiding a bald spot? - No! Less assuming! 393 00:17:31,049 --> 00:17:32,384 More criminal behavior. 394 00:17:32,468 --> 00:17:33,468 Go! 395 00:17:33,927 --> 00:17:34,970 Drugs here. 396 00:17:35,053 --> 00:17:36,430 Get your fresh hot drugs here. 397 00:17:36,513 --> 00:17:38,182 Hey, do you have anything that can 398 00:17:38,265 --> 00:17:40,809 make me feel better about having ruined my life? 399 00:17:40,893 --> 00:17:41,894 Wait, Dad? 400 00:17:41,977 --> 00:17:42,978 Velma? 401 00:17:45,147 --> 00:17:47,024 Why were you selling drugs? 402 00:17:47,107 --> 00:17:48,317 To make money, genius. 403 00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:49,443 The real question is, 404 00:17:49,526 --> 00:17:51,195 why were you wearing a beanie? 405 00:17:51,278 --> 00:17:52,988 Those are only for television actors 406 00:17:53,071 --> 00:17:55,008 who want you to know that their roots are still in theater. 407 00:17:55,032 --> 00:17:57,993 Wait, you don't care that I was buying drugs? 408 00:17:58,076 --> 00:17:59,328 That makes sense. 409 00:17:59,411 --> 00:18:01,538 You gambled our future on Fred Jones' innocence 410 00:18:01,622 --> 00:18:03,332 and now drugs are the only escape. 411 00:18:03,415 --> 00:18:05,834 But what do you possibly need drug dealing money for? 412 00:18:05,918 --> 00:18:08,837 I already buy you all the inhalers you could ever want. 413 00:18:08,921 --> 00:18:11,006 Oh, fine. 414 00:18:11,089 --> 00:18:14,051 Daphne will give me Mom's cold case file for $500. 415 00:18:16,011 --> 00:18:19,681 Okay, look, I'll give you the $500 for her file 416 00:18:19,765 --> 00:18:22,559 if you help me prove Fred's innocent. 417 00:18:22,643 --> 00:18:24,144 What? Are you crazy? 418 00:18:24,228 --> 00:18:26,355 Finding Fred innocent would require me 419 00:18:26,438 --> 00:18:29,274 to admit I'd incorrectly pre-judged someone. 420 00:18:29,358 --> 00:18:30,358 Wait. 421 00:18:35,781 --> 00:18:37,324 Yeah. No, I was right. 422 00:18:37,407 --> 00:18:39,451 Homeslice is like Robert Durst level guilty. 423 00:18:39,535 --> 00:18:42,496 Okay. But instead of just staring at the evidence 424 00:18:42,579 --> 00:18:43,831 and swearing very loudly, 425 00:18:43,914 --> 00:18:45,833 do you maybe want to ask me some questions? 426 00:18:45,916 --> 00:18:48,043 Yeah, I do. Why frame me? 427 00:18:48,126 --> 00:18:50,295 Yeah, exactly. Why would I do that? 428 00:18:50,379 --> 00:18:51,606 Before you just started talking, 429 00:18:51,630 --> 00:18:54,383 I thought you were our housekeeper. 430 00:18:54,466 --> 00:18:56,552 Oh, my God, could that be colder? 431 00:18:56,635 --> 00:18:58,846 You know what? Now I'm in a snit. 432 00:18:58,929 --> 00:19:01,348 Let's regroup after lunch. 433 00:19:03,851 --> 00:19:04,935 Cutties. 434 00:19:06,478 --> 00:19:08,689 Holy crap. You are innocent. 435 00:19:09,565 --> 00:19:10,649 He is? 436 00:19:11,650 --> 00:19:14,403 Okay, here's your $500 reward. 437 00:19:14,486 --> 00:19:17,531 Good luck using it to coerce Velma into dating you. 438 00:19:17,614 --> 00:19:19,867 Keep it. The stoners caught him, not me. 439 00:19:19,950 --> 00:19:21,535 If I want Velma to like me now, 440 00:19:21,618 --> 00:19:23,513 I'm just gonna have to do it the old-fashioned way. 441 00:19:23,537 --> 00:19:25,205 Bet a friend I can make her fancy. 442 00:19:25,289 --> 00:19:28,250 Ha! That's how we got together. 443 00:19:28,333 --> 00:19:30,252 Okay. For my next witness, 444 00:19:30,335 --> 00:19:32,462 I would like to call the woman who caught Fred 445 00:19:32,546 --> 00:19:35,257 my own daughter, Velma Dinkley. 446 00:19:39,678 --> 00:19:41,158 Velma, do you swear to tell the truth, 447 00:19:41,221 --> 00:19:42,824 the whole truth and nothing but the truth? 448 00:19:42,848 --> 00:19:44,975 So help me, Shonda Rhimes, I do. 449 00:19:45,058 --> 00:19:48,186 Now, Velma, how long have you known the defendant? 450 00:19:48,270 --> 00:19:49,771 We met at lunch in the eighth grade 451 00:19:49,855 --> 00:19:51,607 when he confused me for a beanbag chair. 452 00:19:51,690 --> 00:19:52,816 Classic. 453 00:19:52,900 --> 00:19:55,193 And what did you think of my client? 454 00:19:55,277 --> 00:19:57,446 Honestly, that he was super hot. 455 00:19:59,072 --> 00:20:01,783 But also that he was just another entitled rich guy 456 00:20:01,867 --> 00:20:04,369 who might kill someone because he has a tiny dong. 457 00:20:08,290 --> 00:20:12,294 Unfortunately, I was wrong about Fred. 458 00:20:12,377 --> 00:20:13,921 The way it's possible 459 00:20:14,004 --> 00:20:15,684 I might have been wrong about other people. 460 00:20:17,132 --> 00:20:19,843 Weird. It feels like she's looking right at me. 461 00:20:19,927 --> 00:20:23,430 Why would Velma want to send me a message, Daphne? 462 00:20:23,513 --> 00:20:26,725 Fred Jones did not kill those two girls. 463 00:20:28,894 --> 00:20:31,146 His whole life, Fred has never had to lift a finger 464 00:20:31,230 --> 00:20:33,273 to do anything. He's been so pampered, 465 00:20:33,357 --> 00:20:36,818 his body hasn't even felt the need to fully mature. I mean, 466 00:20:36,902 --> 00:20:39,071 Fred literally can't feed himself. 467 00:20:40,155 --> 00:20:41,782 Uh, that's not true. 468 00:20:41,865 --> 00:20:43,551 No, you... You just cut the food and put it on the... 469 00:20:43,575 --> 00:20:45,303 W... What's the dumb thing called? A dinglehopper! 470 00:20:45,327 --> 00:20:46,954 Great. Show us. 471 00:20:59,675 --> 00:21:02,052 Cutties. Mother, cutties. 472 00:21:02,135 --> 00:21:04,930 Oh, my God, he is just like a little boy. 473 00:21:05,013 --> 00:21:06,348 Exactly. 474 00:21:06,431 --> 00:21:07,683 So tell me this. 475 00:21:07,766 --> 00:21:10,852 How could someone who can't even cut a steak 476 00:21:10,936 --> 00:21:12,771 remove two girls' brains? 477 00:21:12,854 --> 00:21:15,857 He couldn't! Clearly Fred's innocent. 478 00:21:15,941 --> 00:21:17,734 But at what cost to his reputation 479 00:21:17,818 --> 00:21:19,236 and that of his family's business? 480 00:21:20,570 --> 00:21:22,531 That lump has made a mockery of us! 481 00:21:22,614 --> 00:21:24,825 Be nice. Our son is free. 482 00:21:24,908 --> 00:21:26,952 I'd say that lump did quite well. 483 00:21:32,958 --> 00:21:34,084 Uh-oh. 484 00:21:34,835 --> 00:21:35,961 That's not true. 485 00:21:36,044 --> 00:21:37,713 I'm a big boy. 486 00:21:37,796 --> 00:21:40,066 A big boy who could have removed those dumb girls' brains, 487 00:21:40,090 --> 00:21:41,758 no problem if I wanted to! 488 00:21:41,842 --> 00:21:43,635 Hear, hear! 489 00:21:44,344 --> 00:21:45,262 Guilty. 490 00:21:45,345 --> 00:21:46,805 Based on what? 491 00:21:47,305 --> 00:21:48,305 Hmm. 492 00:21:50,142 --> 00:21:54,062 Wow. Blonde-haired people have bad days, too. 493 00:21:54,146 --> 00:21:56,940 Oh, my God, what have I done? 494 00:21:57,024 --> 00:21:58,066 I'm ruined. 495 00:21:58,150 --> 00:21:59,252 They wouldn't even let me represent 496 00:21:59,276 --> 00:22:00,902 a gymnastics coach now. 497 00:22:03,405 --> 00:22:04,406 Daphne? 498 00:22:04,489 --> 00:22:06,074 What are you doing here? 499 00:22:06,158 --> 00:22:08,278 Wait. Did you realize I stole all your Zoinks? 500 00:22:08,326 --> 00:22:10,037 - Please don't kill me. - No, you're good. 501 00:22:10,120 --> 00:22:12,247 I mean, return it or I'll hurt you very badly, 502 00:22:12,330 --> 00:22:14,916 but I saw you on TV and brought you this. 503 00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:18,336 My mom's cold case file! Thank you! 504 00:22:18,420 --> 00:22:20,630 Wait, do you not have potentially fatal hallucinations 505 00:22:20,714 --> 00:22:22,591 when you try to solve mysteries anymore? 506 00:22:22,674 --> 00:22:23,967 You remember that? 507 00:22:24,051 --> 00:22:26,053 You had one of your first ones at my house 508 00:22:26,136 --> 00:22:27,429 back before... 509 00:22:27,512 --> 00:22:30,098 Well, your fear pee stain is still on my rug. 510 00:22:30,182 --> 00:22:31,349 Well, I think I'm fine. 511 00:22:31,433 --> 00:22:32,809 Norville helped me get over them 512 00:22:32,893 --> 00:22:36,104 in the last episode of my hallucinations. 513 00:22:36,188 --> 00:22:37,481 Velma! 514 00:22:37,564 --> 00:22:39,566 Are you hallucinating? I'll put down newspaper. 515 00:22:39,649 --> 00:22:40,859 No, it's a clue. 516 00:22:40,942 --> 00:22:42,986 The last place my mom's cell phone pinged 517 00:22:43,070 --> 00:22:45,864 the night she went missing was at Fred's house. 518 00:22:45,947 --> 00:22:47,824 Damn it! I knew that jerk was guilty. 519 00:22:47,908 --> 00:22:50,786 Too bad you'll never know for sure. 520 00:22:50,869 --> 00:22:53,455 Ahhh! I was wrong again! I'm hallucinating! Help! 521 00:22:53,538 --> 00:22:56,458 No one can help you now, Velma. 522 00:22:56,541 --> 00:23:00,629 Solving mysteries only causes pain. 523 00:23:00,712 --> 00:23:03,757 Velma. What do I do? Velma! 524 00:23:03,840 --> 00:23:05,509 Try to make me laugh. 525 00:23:05,592 --> 00:23:07,719 Okay, I, uh, oh, I don't know any jokes 526 00:23:07,803 --> 00:23:10,472 but my moms love my impression of my Aunt Cindy. 527 00:23:10,555 --> 00:23:13,266 I am sad my husband died. 528 00:23:13,350 --> 00:23:14,476 Anything? 529 00:23:14,559 --> 00:23:16,645 No. Try something else. Anything. Quick! 530 00:23:18,688 --> 00:23:19,981 Oh God, my heart! 531 00:23:20,065 --> 00:23:22,150 What do I do? What do I do? What do I do? 532 00:23:33,453 --> 00:23:35,247 Did that work? 533 00:23:35,330 --> 00:23:36,331 Yeah. 534 00:23:40,919 --> 00:23:44,923 Great. Now even just being myself won't work. 535 00:23:45,006 --> 00:23:46,967 Romcoms can kiss my ass. 536 00:24:01,064 --> 00:24:03,316 My name's Fred. Who are you? 537 00:24:03,400 --> 00:24:06,570 They call me The Thief. 538 00:24:06,653 --> 00:24:08,697 What are you in for? 539 00:24:08,780 --> 00:24:11,741 Thieving. But I'm innocent. 540 00:24:11,825 --> 00:24:13,201 Aren't we all? 541 00:24:13,952 --> 00:24:15,328 Ooh! Bunk beds! 542 00:24:15,412 --> 00:24:16,788 Hoisties!