1 00:02:43,456 --> 00:02:44,832 No, no, no, no, no! 2 00:03:53,651 --> 00:03:57,070 Pat, I swear, your voice just seems to get better and better. 3 00:03:57,071 --> 00:03:59,740 You sure you didn't go to Juilliard or something? 4 00:04:00,700 --> 00:04:02,951 I did use to have a friend named Julie 5 00:04:02,952 --> 00:04:05,955 when I was a kid, and we did play in her yard. 6 00:04:07,456 --> 00:04:08,873 Sometimes we would sing. 7 00:04:08,874 --> 00:04:11,334 Oh, my God! Patrick Montgomery, I swear, 8 00:04:11,335 --> 00:04:13,670 if there was an Olympic competition for dorky jokes, 9 00:04:13,671 --> 00:04:15,338 I'd be married to a gold medalist. 10 00:04:15,339 --> 00:04:17,674 Your voice has gotten better. 11 00:04:17,675 --> 00:04:19,592 Well, how about me? I sing like a swallow. 12 00:04:19,593 --> 00:04:22,054 No need to get competitive. 13 00:04:23,055 --> 00:04:25,724 Life is a competition, don't they say? 14 00:04:25,725 --> 00:04:28,143 Don't you like to say that, Pastor Jackie? 15 00:04:28,144 --> 00:04:30,812 Never. I don't believe I ever even thought it. 16 00:04:30,813 --> 00:04:33,314 We should all be thinking about it 17 00:04:33,315 --> 00:04:35,675 if we're serious about winning the church volleyball league. 18 00:04:36,235 --> 00:04:40,697 And maybe we should consider opening our doors to the Congregationalists. 19 00:04:40,698 --> 00:04:43,867 Don Awrey is 6'5" and spikes like a madman. 20 00:04:43,868 --> 00:04:45,035 He is great. 21 00:04:45,036 --> 00:04:47,162 Well, you know, I dated a Congregationalist once, 22 00:04:47,163 --> 00:04:49,540 and he insisted on prayin' before goin' car parking. 23 00:04:50,541 --> 00:04:51,834 No, wait! No, he's Episcopalian! 24 00:04:53,961 --> 00:04:54,962 What about you, Don? 25 00:04:55,504 --> 00:04:56,796 Are you ever gonna join the team? 26 00:04:56,797 --> 00:04:59,591 - Volleyball's not my thing. - Not enough mayhem. 27 00:04:59,592 --> 00:05:02,072 He gravitates towards viciousness. That's why he went into law. 28 00:05:02,970 --> 00:05:05,096 Didn't you play professional football? 29 00:05:05,097 --> 00:05:07,223 - For the Washington Redskins. - Yes! 30 00:05:07,224 --> 00:05:09,601 Nah, I tried out, I didn't make the team. 31 00:05:09,602 --> 00:05:11,812 And it kills him to this day. 32 00:05:13,147 --> 00:05:15,065 I'm gonna go get some potato salad. 33 00:05:15,066 --> 00:05:16,192 I'll race you. 34 00:05:17,485 --> 00:05:19,986 We should really get going soon because the chart says 35 00:05:19,987 --> 00:05:23,239 that I'm going to reach peak fertility around 1:00 PM 36 00:05:23,240 --> 00:05:25,116 today, so. 37 00:05:25,117 --> 00:05:26,243 Oh, right. 38 00:05:28,579 --> 00:05:29,872 Little bit slower. 39 00:05:30,915 --> 00:05:32,333 Little bit slower! 40 00:05:35,586 --> 00:05:38,588 And be sure to emit as you propulse forward. 41 00:05:38,589 --> 00:05:41,300 - Evidently, that's helpful. - Really? 42 00:05:42,426 --> 00:05:45,178 - Here. Try to go deeper. - I'm going as deep as I can, Betty. 43 00:05:45,179 --> 00:05:46,639 No, you have been deeper before. 44 00:05:48,516 --> 00:05:51,685 If you can squirt rather than drip, that helps, too. 45 00:05:53,312 --> 00:05:54,271 But, slower. 46 00:05:54,272 --> 00:05:55,481 Deeper! 47 00:05:57,525 --> 00:05:58,525 And squirt! 48 00:06:15,042 --> 00:06:18,044 - Keep going, honey. You're doing great. - Do I have to sing it? 49 00:06:18,045 --> 00:06:19,171 Yes. 50 00:06:20,005 --> 00:06:23,551 If you wanna keep filling that sweet little heart of yours up with joy! 51 00:06:31,142 --> 00:06:34,145 - Hey, hey, hey! - Hey, hey, hey! 52 00:06:34,687 --> 00:06:36,437 - Come in! - All right. 53 00:06:36,438 --> 00:06:38,940 And why do I have the pleasure 54 00:06:38,941 --> 00:06:42,945 of a house call from my favorite pastor? 55 00:06:43,696 --> 00:06:44,822 Well. 56 00:06:45,698 --> 00:06:48,409 It's not exactly pleasure, I'm afraid. And... 57 00:06:49,660 --> 00:06:51,328 I might stop being your favorite pastor. 58 00:06:55,291 --> 00:06:56,500 What's goin' on? 59 00:06:57,918 --> 00:06:59,336 Bill's gone. 60 00:07:00,004 --> 00:07:02,006 He wants a divorce. 61 00:07:05,718 --> 00:07:07,677 It's been comin' for a long time. 62 00:07:07,678 --> 00:07:09,679 I know that you've been struggling some. 63 00:07:09,680 --> 00:07:10,931 Sweetie, sing louder. 64 00:07:14,977 --> 00:07:15,977 That's good. 65 00:07:16,937 --> 00:07:21,316 You will get through this. I will drag you through this. 66 00:07:21,317 --> 00:07:23,194 - I'm scared. I'll admit it. - What about? 67 00:07:24,486 --> 00:07:27,780 For starters, how will I lead the congregation? 68 00:07:27,781 --> 00:07:30,993 You're gonna lead us the same as you always have. 69 00:07:31,619 --> 00:07:35,455 And being single, after 23 years of marriage. 70 00:07:35,456 --> 00:07:40,210 I'm not sure I even know how to put one foot in front of the other. 71 00:07:40,211 --> 00:07:45,049 So you just need to look at this as a new beginning. 72 00:07:46,342 --> 00:07:48,928 A new destiny. 73 00:07:51,388 --> 00:07:54,307 - It's not fair. - It's my job, Betty. 74 00:07:54,308 --> 00:07:57,685 The whole point of that new job was that you wouldn't have to travel. 75 00:07:57,686 --> 00:08:00,730 As much. And I don't. 76 00:08:00,731 --> 00:08:03,066 Well, it's not normal for a husband and wife to be apart. 77 00:08:03,067 --> 00:08:04,109 That's all I'm saying. 78 00:08:04,902 --> 00:08:07,278 Right, but we're talking about four days here. 79 00:08:07,279 --> 00:08:11,449 Four critical days during peak fertility. 80 00:08:11,450 --> 00:08:17,790 Didn't the doctors say that you might get pregnant easier if you stress less? 81 00:08:20,334 --> 00:08:22,418 - So it's my fault. - I didn't say that. 82 00:08:22,419 --> 00:08:24,588 - Of course, you did. You did. - No, I didn't. 83 00:08:25,339 --> 00:08:28,219 And you might consider that it's your traveling that's causing my stress. 84 00:08:49,280 --> 00:08:50,322 Okay. 85 00:08:52,116 --> 00:08:56,035 So, the thing is, Jackie, our minister, 86 00:08:56,036 --> 00:08:58,788 she's not just out of town on church business. 87 00:08:58,789 --> 00:09:01,749 She chose not to be here today. 88 00:09:01,750 --> 00:09:03,751 Because I'm on the church council, 89 00:09:03,752 --> 00:09:07,756 she felt it better that I break the news first. 90 00:09:08,924 --> 00:09:11,719 Jackie and her husband Bill are getting a divorce. 91 00:09:14,430 --> 00:09:15,472 It happens. 92 00:09:16,265 --> 00:09:19,810 Get over it. Pastors are people like everybody else. 93 00:09:20,853 --> 00:09:23,730 I see some of you squirming in your seats, 94 00:09:23,731 --> 00:09:26,816 like you suddenly got pine cones up your butts. 95 00:09:26,817 --> 00:09:29,736 Well, I tell you, if you ever did get a pine cone up your keister, 96 00:09:29,737 --> 00:09:32,071 you'd be squealing like a pig. 97 00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:36,035 And Jackie Ponder would be the first one runnin' to your aid. 98 00:09:37,202 --> 00:09:38,912 So let's run to hers. 99 00:09:40,039 --> 00:09:43,709 Not the time to be high-horse, moral dopes. 100 00:09:45,711 --> 00:09:49,464 Let's just get on with being good Methodists. 101 00:09:49,465 --> 00:09:51,257 We can start tonight 102 00:09:51,258 --> 00:09:53,802 by kicking some Lutheran butts at volleyball. 103 00:09:58,223 --> 00:09:59,558 I got it! 104 00:10:05,689 --> 00:10:07,358 Betty, hey. Hi. 105 00:10:09,276 --> 00:10:10,985 Thought you'd be playing tonight. 106 00:10:10,986 --> 00:10:12,613 Sitting this one out. 107 00:10:16,450 --> 00:10:18,034 Understood. 108 00:10:18,035 --> 00:10:20,286 Yeah. Makes sense. 109 00:10:20,287 --> 00:10:21,287 I got it! 110 00:10:22,956 --> 00:10:25,375 - What makes sense? - What? 111 00:10:25,376 --> 00:10:27,377 My sitting this game out makes sense. 112 00:10:27,378 --> 00:10:30,339 - Why does it make sense? - Well, if you are expecting, 113 00:10:31,173 --> 00:10:33,092 it makes sense that you'd steer clear of any 114 00:10:33,675 --> 00:10:36,219 intense physical activity. 115 00:10:36,220 --> 00:10:38,013 What makes you think I'm expecting? 116 00:10:42,476 --> 00:10:44,143 No, no, I'm sorry. 117 00:10:44,144 --> 00:10:46,104 I just heard you and Allan were trying. 118 00:10:46,105 --> 00:10:47,731 I... 119 00:10:48,607 --> 00:10:51,276 I apologize. I overstepped. 120 00:10:53,237 --> 00:10:55,637 - Betty, I'm really sorry. - It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. 121 00:10:59,660 --> 00:11:01,495 You really do have a wonderful singing voice. 122 00:11:01,995 --> 00:11:04,331 Thank you. Thank you. 123 00:11:08,043 --> 00:11:09,211 Got it, got it, got it! 124 00:11:11,713 --> 00:11:12,839 Are you okay? 125 00:11:12,840 --> 00:11:14,466 I'm fine. I'm fine. 126 00:11:15,217 --> 00:11:17,886 - Are you sure? - Yeah. Yeah. 127 00:11:18,429 --> 00:11:20,597 - Are you okay? - I'm fine. 128 00:11:21,306 --> 00:11:23,975 - Good. Okay. - You don't wanna sit for a bit? 129 00:11:23,976 --> 00:11:26,769 No, I'm fine, Allan. I'm fine, thank you. 130 00:11:26,770 --> 00:11:28,479 - Alright. - Thanks. 131 00:11:28,480 --> 00:11:30,023 Sorry. I gotta communicate. 132 00:11:48,250 --> 00:11:50,752 What do you mean he smelled like sex? 133 00:11:51,753 --> 00:11:53,380 I mean he smelled like sex. 134 00:11:55,090 --> 00:11:58,552 - Are we talkin' about the same Allan Gore? - Oh yeah. I know. 135 00:11:59,720 --> 00:12:03,682 I know, but how a man looks and smells can be two totally different things. 136 00:12:04,850 --> 00:12:06,518 And plus. 137 00:12:07,394 --> 00:12:08,395 Plus what? 138 00:12:09,313 --> 00:12:11,106 Well, I was kind of 139 00:12:12,441 --> 00:12:14,484 gettin' the sense that he was likin' the smell of me, too. 140 00:12:14,485 --> 00:12:16,125 Like it could maybe go in that direction. 141 00:12:16,987 --> 00:12:17,987 What direction? 142 00:12:18,947 --> 00:12:21,200 - I'm not sayin' that I would ever... - Candy! 143 00:12:27,748 --> 00:12:29,708 It's just this whole thing with Jackie. 144 00:12:31,168 --> 00:12:34,713 Maybe it's just kind of opened up a can. 145 00:12:36,423 --> 00:12:37,841 What can? 146 00:12:39,259 --> 00:12:42,679 The "content is not all it's cracked up to be" can. 147 00:12:44,598 --> 00:12:46,349 You know, my father, he used to say to me, 148 00:12:46,350 --> 00:12:49,728 "Candy, if you ain't growing, you're dying." 149 00:12:50,646 --> 00:12:52,271 And he would also say, 150 00:12:52,272 --> 00:12:54,274 "If you ain't searching 151 00:12:56,151 --> 00:12:57,945 you're lost." 152 00:13:00,447 --> 00:13:02,074 Allan Gore? 153 00:13:05,452 --> 00:13:07,411 I mean, he'd be "fall-in-love-proof," anyway. 154 00:13:07,412 --> 00:13:08,996 Just take a look at him. 155 00:13:08,997 --> 00:13:11,291 Who could be more "fall-in-love-proof" than that? 156 00:14:26,116 --> 00:14:29,036 Gary, would you like to share your poem? 157 00:14:29,828 --> 00:14:32,330 Okay. It's short. 158 00:14:32,331 --> 00:14:35,708 That's fine. Some of my favorite poems are short. 159 00:14:35,709 --> 00:14:37,669 Haikus are quite wonderful, in fact. 160 00:14:40,130 --> 00:14:42,049 "On my brand new toilet 161 00:14:43,258 --> 00:14:45,177 I did the same thing." 162 00:14:52,559 --> 00:14:55,228 It's about the folly of materialism. 163 00:14:58,148 --> 00:15:00,067 God, I totally get it. 164 00:15:01,276 --> 00:15:04,695 We all think that we can change our lives with stuff, you know? 165 00:15:04,696 --> 00:15:07,365 I do it all the time with shoes or whatever. 166 00:15:07,366 --> 00:15:10,046 If I could just have that or just get this things will be different. 167 00:15:10,327 --> 00:15:12,828 Mine's actually got a similar theme about "wanting." 168 00:15:12,829 --> 00:15:13,913 - Yeah? - Yeah. 169 00:15:13,914 --> 00:15:15,666 - Let's hear it, Candy. - Okay. 170 00:15:16,416 --> 00:15:19,920 - It's called, "My Heart Asked." - What a lovely title. 171 00:15:24,132 --> 00:15:26,718 "My heart asked, 'What's the answer?' 172 00:15:28,470 --> 00:15:31,722 "I said, 'What answer?' It said, 'You know.' 173 00:15:31,723 --> 00:15:35,602 "I said, 'I don't know. I give up. What's the answer?' 174 00:15:37,145 --> 00:15:38,563 "And the heart said, 175 00:15:39,731 --> 00:15:42,484 'The answer is don't give up.'" 176 00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:46,672 - Good night, Sherry. - See you at home. 177 00:16:46,673 --> 00:16:48,467 - Bye, Candy! - See ya. 178 00:17:34,012 --> 00:17:36,014 Allan! Hi! 179 00:17:37,474 --> 00:17:39,892 - Hey, Candy. - Hey. 180 00:17:39,893 --> 00:17:42,270 I want to talk to you sometime about 181 00:17:43,480 --> 00:17:45,200 something that's been bothering me a little. 182 00:17:48,151 --> 00:17:50,028 How about right now? 183 00:17:51,446 --> 00:17:52,656 Sure. 184 00:18:02,791 --> 00:18:04,959 I've been thinking about you a lot, 185 00:18:04,960 --> 00:18:06,962 and it's really been bothering me, and I'm not 186 00:18:08,171 --> 00:18:11,174 sure whether I want you to do anything about it or not. 187 00:18:22,644 --> 00:18:24,812 I'm very attracted to you. 188 00:18:24,813 --> 00:18:27,774 And I'm just tired of thinkin' about it, so I wanted to tell you that. 189 00:19:09,441 --> 00:19:11,442 You seriously got in his car? 190 00:19:11,443 --> 00:19:13,193 I did. 191 00:19:13,194 --> 00:19:16,489 - And told him you were thinking about him? - I did. 192 00:19:17,282 --> 00:19:19,241 And what did he say? 193 00:19:19,242 --> 00:19:21,493 He said, "Oh. Okay." 194 00:19:21,494 --> 00:19:23,330 - That's it? - Pretty much. 195 00:19:23,914 --> 00:19:26,665 Are you sure this is really about Allan Gore 196 00:19:26,666 --> 00:19:29,377 and not about you wantin' to be reckless? 197 00:19:30,295 --> 00:19:31,713 Maybe a little of both. 198 00:19:34,090 --> 00:19:36,508 But also men, they get to go to their jobs 199 00:19:36,509 --> 00:19:38,345 and live in their careers and 200 00:19:39,387 --> 00:19:41,681 we just stay home and 201 00:19:43,725 --> 00:19:45,352 God, that's supposed to be enough. 202 00:19:48,980 --> 00:19:50,815 Look at our kids right now on that jungle gym. 203 00:19:51,358 --> 00:19:55,361 It is human nature to take risks. 204 00:19:55,362 --> 00:19:59,783 To go for somethin' with a little thrill at the risk of falling. 205 00:20:00,492 --> 00:20:02,035 I mean, look at their faces. 206 00:20:03,119 --> 00:20:05,038 They are more alive than we are. 207 00:20:09,751 --> 00:20:11,169 It's not appropriate. 208 00:20:13,338 --> 00:20:15,340 - Why? - Because it's not. 209 00:20:16,174 --> 00:20:19,718 Where did you even get all of this stuff? 210 00:20:19,719 --> 00:20:20,761 Jenny's mom. 211 00:20:20,762 --> 00:20:22,263 You're gonna have to pick another costume. 212 00:20:22,264 --> 00:20:24,223 - Why? - I told you, it's not appropriate, 213 00:20:24,224 --> 00:20:26,600 - especially for a girl your age. - Dad! 214 00:20:26,601 --> 00:20:28,143 No, no! Never mind. 215 00:20:28,144 --> 00:20:30,396 I will not have you out on the streets trick or treating as a trollop. 216 00:20:30,397 --> 00:20:31,856 We will find something better. 217 00:20:32,232 --> 00:20:34,818 This is why I did not want her seeing that movie! 218 00:20:35,819 --> 00:20:38,320 - "Grease"? That's a family picture, honey. - No, no. 219 00:20:38,321 --> 00:20:41,199 It's a bunch of talk of girls putting out. 220 00:20:51,334 --> 00:20:54,086 - You're judging me. - I am not judging you. 221 00:20:54,087 --> 00:20:56,923 Allan, you do some of your best commentary with silence. 222 00:21:00,343 --> 00:21:02,387 One of the reasons 223 00:21:03,847 --> 00:21:06,390 why I go silent is because when you get like this, 224 00:21:06,391 --> 00:21:07,934 I don't know what to say. 225 00:21:09,644 --> 00:21:11,124 I don't know what you want me to say. 226 00:21:18,194 --> 00:21:20,070 The first time I took my wife out, I knew she wasn't smart. 227 00:21:20,071 --> 00:21:21,031 Why's that. 228 00:21:21,032 --> 00:21:22,531 I took her to a drive-in movie, you know, 229 00:21:22,532 --> 00:21:24,575 and I asked if she wanted to go in the back seat, you know. 230 00:21:24,576 --> 00:21:26,256 She said she'd rather use the ladies' room! 231 00:21:29,164 --> 00:21:31,248 But the day I got married, that was something. 232 00:21:31,249 --> 00:21:33,000 Everybody was crying. 233 00:21:33,001 --> 00:21:35,252 During the ceremony, her mother cried, you know? 234 00:21:35,253 --> 00:21:37,379 All the way to the hotel, my wife cried. 235 00:21:37,380 --> 00:21:39,507 And when she got undressed, I cried, you know? 236 00:21:44,137 --> 00:21:45,889 Did you read my short? 237 00:21:47,015 --> 00:21:48,224 Sorry? 238 00:21:49,684 --> 00:21:53,021 My short story from writing class. I asked if you would read it. 239 00:21:53,772 --> 00:21:55,607 I did. Excellent. 240 00:21:58,151 --> 00:21:59,527 Yeah? What was it about? 241 00:22:00,570 --> 00:22:02,447 It was about swans. 242 00:22:04,282 --> 00:22:05,533 What about swans? 243 00:22:06,493 --> 00:22:09,704 Wow. If I knew there was gonna be a test, I would've studied harder. 244 00:22:10,538 --> 00:22:12,248 Then study harder, Pat. 245 00:22:12,916 --> 00:22:14,125 You have a Ph.D. 246 00:22:14,876 --> 00:22:16,795 Yep. Not in swans, though. 247 00:22:19,047 --> 00:22:20,799 Yep. 248 00:22:25,261 --> 00:22:27,805 - Let me read it again. - My car, I tell you, Johnny. 249 00:22:27,806 --> 00:22:29,932 - Bad car? - I got the only car 250 00:22:29,933 --> 00:22:31,142 dogs chase it, they catch it. 251 00:22:36,648 --> 00:22:39,025 I told the graduating class... 252 00:23:54,309 --> 00:23:57,728 It's not about repainting or redoing. We need a new sanctuary. 253 00:23:57,729 --> 00:24:01,398 Well, a church is more about its parishioners than its hardscape, Jo Ann. 254 00:24:01,399 --> 00:24:03,358 That may be well and true, but this church 255 00:24:03,359 --> 00:24:05,402 isn't gonna be anything if we don't grow the congregation. 256 00:24:05,403 --> 00:24:06,820 And for that, we need a new facility. 257 00:24:06,821 --> 00:24:09,324 It's not just that it's old, Jackie. It's crappy. 258 00:24:10,158 --> 00:24:13,452 Nobody looking for a new house of worship wants crappy. 259 00:24:13,453 --> 00:24:14,537 It should make a statement. 260 00:24:15,205 --> 00:24:17,207 Especially if we wanna draw the younger couples. 261 00:24:17,832 --> 00:24:20,000 Well, aren't we supposed to be the younger couples? 262 00:24:20,001 --> 00:24:21,502 Where's your head, Allan? 263 00:24:24,088 --> 00:24:25,298 I'm sorry? What? 264 00:24:25,882 --> 00:24:28,718 Where's your head? You think we need a new sanctuary? 265 00:24:32,555 --> 00:24:34,682 - Well... - You know, the thing about 266 00:24:35,433 --> 00:24:37,685 religion and life and love 267 00:24:38,519 --> 00:24:40,313 is that there's renewal in it. 268 00:24:41,022 --> 00:24:44,484 And, to me, nothing sells renewal better than 269 00:24:45,735 --> 00:24:47,195 you know, something new. 270 00:24:49,113 --> 00:24:52,199 I agree. We need a major building. 271 00:24:52,200 --> 00:24:54,327 So if we look at our finances 272 00:24:55,495 --> 00:24:58,206 year-to-date, and we see 273 00:24:58,873 --> 00:25:00,959 that we are already... 274 00:25:21,980 --> 00:25:26,024 Well, you would think the teams themselves would have to clean up, not the referees, 275 00:25:26,025 --> 00:25:28,860 but I suppose that would just make too much sense, wouldn't it? 276 00:25:28,861 --> 00:25:31,029 Well, are we still on for coffee tomorrow? 277 00:25:31,030 --> 00:25:32,699 Is the sun still planning to rise? 278 00:25:33,700 --> 00:25:35,034 Well, I'll call you! 279 00:25:38,788 --> 00:25:41,498 So is Betty not feeling too good again? 280 00:25:41,499 --> 00:25:46,712 Some headaches and so forth. Probably stress-related. 281 00:25:46,713 --> 00:25:51,342 You haven't got any tricks up your sleeve to relax your bride, Allan? 282 00:25:52,593 --> 00:25:54,721 Betty's seen all my tricks. 283 00:25:57,223 --> 00:25:59,350 Well, this is me. 284 00:26:01,019 --> 00:26:02,644 You tell her that I hope she's feeling better and 285 00:26:02,645 --> 00:26:06,273 she can always drop Alisa off if she wants to rest. 286 00:26:06,274 --> 00:26:08,276 - I'll tell her that. Thank you. - Yeah. 287 00:26:09,485 --> 00:26:11,154 You sure I can trust you two alone? 288 00:26:17,493 --> 00:26:18,995 Well, good night. 289 00:26:22,081 --> 00:26:23,081 Candy. 290 00:26:28,379 --> 00:26:31,841 Before, in the car. 291 00:26:33,426 --> 00:26:36,679 What exactly was it that you had in mind? 292 00:26:42,560 --> 00:26:43,560 Get in. 293 00:26:56,115 --> 00:26:58,701 Would you be interested in having an affair? 294 00:27:05,208 --> 00:27:06,708 It's just something I've been thinkin' about 295 00:27:06,709 --> 00:27:10,046 and so I wanted to say it, so I don't have to think about it anymore. 296 00:27:16,052 --> 00:27:17,636 Okay. Well, I got my answer. 297 00:27:17,637 --> 00:27:19,305 No, no, it's just. 298 00:27:22,141 --> 00:27:23,351 I don't think I could. 299 00:27:24,477 --> 00:27:25,853 You know, I love Betty. 300 00:27:29,649 --> 00:27:32,526 And when we were living in New Mexico, she had an affair. 301 00:27:32,527 --> 00:27:34,028 Betty did? 302 00:27:34,779 --> 00:27:36,405 Well, I can't believe that. 303 00:27:36,406 --> 00:27:38,365 I know. I couldn't believe it either. 304 00:27:38,366 --> 00:27:40,659 It hurt me a lot and I wouldn't want to do that to her. 305 00:27:40,660 --> 00:27:42,786 That's fine, Allan. 306 00:27:42,787 --> 00:27:44,955 I love Pat, too, and I wouldn't wanna do anything 307 00:27:44,956 --> 00:27:47,040 to hurt him either. 308 00:27:47,041 --> 00:27:49,043 - I like Pat. - Yeah. 309 00:27:52,338 --> 00:27:53,965 He has the best voice in the choir. 310 00:27:57,677 --> 00:28:00,596 - Also, Betty just got pregnant again. - Really? 311 00:28:01,848 --> 00:28:04,142 Just recently. 312 00:28:05,184 --> 00:28:07,937 So that would really be unfair to her. 313 00:28:09,522 --> 00:28:12,315 Especially since I don't feel the same way about you 314 00:28:12,316 --> 00:28:14,026 that I do about her. 315 00:28:15,862 --> 00:28:17,702 So, I probably couldn't do something like that. 316 00:28:18,614 --> 00:28:20,198 Okay. 317 00:28:20,199 --> 00:28:22,951 I was just putting the option out there because of how I felt. 318 00:28:22,952 --> 00:28:25,997 But I certainly don't want to hurt you or your marriage. 319 00:28:27,623 --> 00:28:29,542 All I wanted to do was 320 00:28:31,169 --> 00:28:32,502 go to bed. 321 00:28:32,503 --> 00:28:36,090 But I won't mention it again. 322 00:28:44,056 --> 00:28:45,056 Good night. 323 00:28:59,947 --> 00:29:01,907 I feel so humiliated. 324 00:29:01,908 --> 00:29:04,159 It's probably for the best, sweetheart. 325 00:29:04,160 --> 00:29:08,580 Well, I wasn't looking for what's best. I was out for something more transcendent. 326 00:29:08,581 --> 00:29:12,126 And he broached it! He invited the conversation. 327 00:29:13,044 --> 00:29:14,669 What exactly did he say? 328 00:29:14,670 --> 00:29:20,842 He asked me what I had in mind when he knew very well what I had in mind. 329 00:29:20,843 --> 00:29:23,846 And then he climbed into my car. I mean, come on. 330 00:29:25,139 --> 00:29:27,850 And why did he kiss me? 331 00:29:29,018 --> 00:29:30,018 Right on the lips. 332 00:29:30,394 --> 00:29:33,147 It wasn't exactly passionate. 333 00:29:34,065 --> 00:29:36,275 But it wasn't a brotherly kiss either. 334 00:29:36,776 --> 00:29:40,237 Well, men kiss all the time when they don't mean it. 335 00:29:40,238 --> 00:29:42,656 No, I think he's waitin' for me to make it happen. 336 00:29:42,657 --> 00:29:45,017 He doesn't wanna hate himself for being unfaithful to Betty. 337 00:29:45,576 --> 00:29:47,995 So he's waitin' for me to make it happen. 338 00:29:49,705 --> 00:29:51,624 Well, he can forget about that. 339 00:29:52,625 --> 00:29:55,126 I played my cards, and that will be that. 340 00:29:55,127 --> 00:29:56,212 Mornin'. 341 00:30:09,684 --> 00:30:11,393 Well, my word in Heaven, are you a bird? 342 00:30:11,394 --> 00:30:13,228 No, wait. You're a plane, aren't you? 343 00:30:13,229 --> 00:30:14,896 I'm Superman! 344 00:30:14,897 --> 00:30:17,107 You're Superman! You're a man of steel! 345 00:30:17,108 --> 00:30:19,148 And you might be the super-est one I have ever seen. 346 00:30:19,735 --> 00:30:22,320 - Well, thank you. - Well, you're welcome. Hey, honey! 347 00:30:22,321 --> 00:30:24,281 - Hey, Mom. - You're back already, huh? 348 00:30:24,282 --> 00:30:27,325 - Just to drop off. I filled my pumpkin. - Yes, you did. 349 00:30:27,326 --> 00:30:29,996 I'm just gonna go dump it and come back out. 350 00:30:30,538 --> 00:30:33,039 Well, what do you expect to do with all that candy, young lady? 351 00:30:33,040 --> 00:30:35,042 - I'll trade with Ian. - Okay. 352 00:30:36,961 --> 00:30:39,546 - Thanks for walking with them. - Sure, sure. 353 00:30:39,547 --> 00:30:41,089 Did you see Pat and Ian on your travels? 354 00:30:41,090 --> 00:30:44,009 I did see a pretty scary Elvis. 355 00:30:44,010 --> 00:30:46,345 Yep, that would be Pat. 356 00:30:47,179 --> 00:30:49,139 Him and Elvis, it's kinda hard to tell them apart. 357 00:30:50,808 --> 00:30:52,267 Come on, Dad. Let's go. 358 00:30:52,268 --> 00:30:53,977 - Okay. Bye. - Trick or treat! 359 00:30:53,978 --> 00:30:57,064 Oh, my goodness, look at you! Buzz, buzz, buzz! 360 00:30:58,316 --> 00:31:00,233 If I could only have a brain! 361 00:31:00,234 --> 00:31:03,236 Look how cute you guys look. And look at you. 362 00:31:03,237 --> 00:31:06,532 Don't sting me! The Wicked Witch of the West! 363 00:31:17,126 --> 00:31:18,835 Happy birthday to you 364 00:31:18,836 --> 00:31:21,463 - Oh, my God. - I brought you a confection. 365 00:31:21,464 --> 00:31:22,464 Yes. 366 00:31:22,465 --> 00:31:24,633 And at the bakery, they said if we ate it before 10:00 AM, 367 00:31:24,634 --> 00:31:26,051 it won't make our asses fat. 368 00:31:26,052 --> 00:31:28,429 At least, not completely. 369 00:31:29,472 --> 00:31:31,932 - Then, shall we? Hurry up! - Yes, we shall! 370 00:31:35,686 --> 00:31:37,270 This is why your people follow you. 371 00:31:37,271 --> 00:31:38,814 Yeah. I let them eat cake. 372 00:31:39,732 --> 00:31:41,816 So, listen. 373 00:31:41,817 --> 00:31:43,610 I don't like the sound of that. 374 00:31:43,611 --> 00:31:46,446 Remember I told you about that other job offer 375 00:31:46,447 --> 00:31:48,615 I had at Midwestern University? 376 00:31:48,616 --> 00:31:51,117 - Which you turned down. - Yeah, well. 377 00:31:51,118 --> 00:31:54,496 - It turns out I reconsidered. - What do you mean? 378 00:31:54,497 --> 00:31:58,751 It was pointed out that the bishop doesn't make offers like this every day. 379 00:32:00,294 --> 00:32:04,214 - But it's in Wichita Falls. - I'll come back and forth. 380 00:32:04,215 --> 00:32:06,007 What do you mean you'll come back and forth? 381 00:32:06,008 --> 00:32:08,593 It's, like, 200 miles away. 382 00:32:08,594 --> 00:32:10,680 Candy, this is my next calling. 383 00:32:12,264 --> 00:32:13,640 What am I gonna do? 384 00:32:13,641 --> 00:32:15,100 - You're my best friend. - Our friendship won't change. 385 00:32:15,101 --> 00:32:17,435 No, but you won't be here. 386 00:32:17,436 --> 00:32:20,230 - And who's gonna replace you? - We'll find somebody great. 387 00:32:20,231 --> 00:32:23,024 Somebody who can get the new sanctuary built. 388 00:32:23,025 --> 00:32:25,111 Oh, my God. 389 00:32:25,903 --> 00:32:29,280 You are the only one I have to talk to here, Jackie. 390 00:32:29,281 --> 00:32:31,574 That is not true. You have Sherry. 391 00:32:31,575 --> 00:32:34,536 And you're the belle of the ball at church. 392 00:32:34,537 --> 00:32:37,289 I mean Sherry is Sherry but 393 00:32:38,749 --> 00:32:40,543 honey, you're my heart. 394 00:32:52,179 --> 00:32:53,930 Hello? 395 00:32:53,931 --> 00:32:56,851 Candy. Hi, it's Allan. Allan Gore. 396 00:32:57,935 --> 00:33:00,980 - Hey. - Hey. Hi. 397 00:33:04,692 --> 00:33:08,987 I have to go to McKinney tomorrow to get my tires checked and rotated, 398 00:33:08,988 --> 00:33:11,197 and I know it's a drive, 399 00:33:11,198 --> 00:33:14,994 but I was wondering if you might like to have some lunch with me. 400 00:33:16,954 --> 00:33:23,252 You know, to talk a little more about what we were talking about before. 401 00:33:23,836 --> 00:33:24,836 Okay. 402 00:33:26,172 --> 00:33:27,590 Okay, fine. 403 00:33:28,466 --> 00:33:30,050 Well, how's 12:00? 404 00:33:31,093 --> 00:33:33,011 - I'll meet you there. - Okay. 405 00:33:33,012 --> 00:33:35,723 - Meet you there. Bye-bye. - Okay. 406 00:33:44,398 --> 00:33:46,233 - Where were we? - Who was that? 407 00:33:47,151 --> 00:33:50,279 - It's just somebody. - Somebody? 408 00:33:52,823 --> 00:33:55,201 Somebody I'm thinkin' about having an affair with. 409 00:33:58,120 --> 00:34:00,401 You told me that 'cause you want me to talk you out of it. 410 00:34:02,500 --> 00:34:04,251 Pat and I, we... 411 00:34:06,587 --> 00:34:08,338 Well, we kind of hit a plateau. 412 00:34:08,339 --> 00:34:10,215 Every marriage hits one of them. 413 00:34:10,216 --> 00:34:12,425 Well, I suppose yours did and you did nothing about it. 414 00:34:12,426 --> 00:34:16,221 Meaning what? If I'd had an affair, Bill would still be taking out my garbage? 415 00:34:16,222 --> 00:34:22,978 I'm talking about my garbage right now, and not wanting to settle for it. 416 00:34:25,022 --> 00:34:27,315 Sorry, that came out wrong. Pat is not garbage. 417 00:34:27,316 --> 00:34:30,693 Candy, I got front-door friends and back-door friends. 418 00:34:30,694 --> 00:34:33,029 Front-door friends show up when they have a reason. 419 00:34:33,030 --> 00:34:35,783 They knock. They say the right thing. 420 00:34:36,492 --> 00:34:39,160 Back-door friends, they just bang in through the kitchen door 421 00:34:39,161 --> 00:34:41,163 and drop whatever's on their mind. 422 00:34:42,456 --> 00:34:43,832 You are my best back-door friend 423 00:34:43,833 --> 00:34:47,043 so I am gonna drop my mind on your table here. 424 00:34:47,044 --> 00:34:50,130 This will come to no good. 425 00:34:51,841 --> 00:34:54,885 Jackie, I have done all the things a wife is supposed to do. 426 00:34:56,345 --> 00:34:59,431 The house, the kids, the meals. 427 00:35:02,476 --> 00:35:04,937 Where is the payback? 428 00:35:05,813 --> 00:35:06,813 Honey. 429 00:35:07,940 --> 00:35:10,401 This is the payback. 430 00:35:11,360 --> 00:35:14,280 Take it from me. Somebody who lost it. 431 00:35:19,285 --> 00:35:21,161 I can see your mind's made up. 432 00:35:38,053 --> 00:35:39,888 - Thanks again, Ronnie. - You're welcome. 433 00:35:39,889 --> 00:35:42,808 - Don't work too hard. - All right. 434 00:35:44,768 --> 00:35:47,270 Hi! You're here. 435 00:35:47,271 --> 00:35:48,898 - Hi. - Hey. 436 00:35:49,732 --> 00:35:51,483 Brought you this little card. 437 00:36:00,409 --> 00:36:02,161 That is so sweet. 438 00:36:04,872 --> 00:36:06,206 There you are. 439 00:36:07,333 --> 00:36:08,500 Thank you. 440 00:36:09,668 --> 00:36:11,669 I just worry, you know? 441 00:36:11,670 --> 00:36:14,881 Jackie is the church, when you think about it. 442 00:36:14,882 --> 00:36:17,467 I just hope she doesn't become a stranger. 443 00:36:17,468 --> 00:36:20,512 Well, how can she not? At least a little. 444 00:36:21,013 --> 00:36:23,432 Wichita Falls is a three-hour drive last I checked. 445 00:36:24,141 --> 00:36:26,741 And, frankly, I don't know how we're gonna go about replacing her. 446 00:36:28,395 --> 00:36:30,814 And I don't wanna belong to some stodgy-podgy church. 447 00:36:32,066 --> 00:36:34,276 - No, that would be awful. - Awful. 448 00:36:39,907 --> 00:36:42,284 Well, should we talk about our kids now? 449 00:36:42,910 --> 00:36:44,786 Or maybe more Pat. 450 00:36:44,787 --> 00:36:48,290 He was a champion trumpeter in high school. Did I cover that? 451 00:36:55,798 --> 00:36:58,257 I'm sorry. I've never done anything like this before. 452 00:36:58,258 --> 00:37:00,260 I haven't either. 453 00:37:06,058 --> 00:37:09,979 I would never be able to forgive myself if Betty ever found out. 454 00:37:11,772 --> 00:37:15,024 That would just be devastating to her. 455 00:37:15,025 --> 00:37:16,859 I feel the same. 456 00:37:16,860 --> 00:37:21,657 We would have to be so careful that no one would ever know except us. 457 00:37:22,992 --> 00:37:24,284 That's right. 458 00:37:25,619 --> 00:37:27,746 I've been thinking a lot about what you said about 459 00:37:29,039 --> 00:37:30,540 just wanting to go to bed, 460 00:37:30,541 --> 00:37:36,129 not getting too emotionally involved and so forth. 461 00:37:36,130 --> 00:37:38,257 That would be very important to me. 462 00:37:38,841 --> 00:37:40,259 Me, too, Allan. 463 00:37:42,219 --> 00:37:44,638 God, I just wanna enjoy myself. 464 00:37:47,016 --> 00:37:51,687 Without hurting myself or anyone else. 465 00:37:57,484 --> 00:37:58,985 Well, 466 00:37:58,986 --> 00:38:01,989 I think we should think about it some more. 467 00:38:03,157 --> 00:38:05,950 Think about the hazards and decide 468 00:38:05,951 --> 00:38:08,704 whether or not we're willing to take the risk. 469 00:38:11,665 --> 00:38:14,251 Fine. Yeah, I think we should. 470 00:38:19,006 --> 00:38:21,633 So, that's the plan then? Think about it some more? 471 00:38:22,426 --> 00:38:23,426 I think so. 472 00:39:47,386 --> 00:39:50,888 I'm not sure how many more of these strategy session I can take. 473 00:39:50,889 --> 00:39:52,765 Yeah, I know. 474 00:39:52,766 --> 00:39:55,643 - We just can't be too careful. - You know, 475 00:39:55,644 --> 00:39:58,647 if you don't go to bed with me pretty soon, 476 00:40:00,023 --> 00:40:02,400 you'll never be able to live up 477 00:40:02,401 --> 00:40:05,987 to the expectations I have of you in bed. 478 00:40:05,988 --> 00:40:09,783 Yeah, don't think I haven't thought about that. 479 00:40:13,704 --> 00:40:16,415 Maybe just one more planning session. 480 00:40:17,875 --> 00:40:20,334 - We can have it here. - At your house? 481 00:40:20,335 --> 00:40:23,547 Yeah, we can meet for lunch. People need to eat, right? 482 00:40:34,016 --> 00:40:35,392 How was work today? 483 00:40:37,853 --> 00:40:39,605 It's pretty good. Kind of the same. 484 00:40:46,486 --> 00:40:48,947 Have you been going over your list, Allan? 485 00:40:51,867 --> 00:40:53,535 - I'm sorry, what? - The list. 486 00:40:54,912 --> 00:40:56,872 The list of potential baby names. 487 00:40:59,666 --> 00:41:01,083 - I will. - You will? 488 00:41:01,084 --> 00:41:02,586 Yeah. 489 00:41:04,087 --> 00:41:05,087 Okay. 490 00:41:10,344 --> 00:41:14,138 If either of us wants it to end for whatever reason, then it ends. 491 00:41:14,139 --> 00:41:15,224 Agreed. 492 00:41:16,225 --> 00:41:21,104 If either of us get too emotionally involved, then it ends. 493 00:41:21,855 --> 00:41:23,565 We should make that rule number one. 494 00:41:24,316 --> 00:41:26,026 Sure. Okay. 495 00:41:28,820 --> 00:41:32,156 Okay. And if we start taking risks 496 00:41:32,157 --> 00:41:34,325 that shouldn't be taken, then the affair ends. 497 00:41:34,326 --> 00:41:37,579 - And we should always meet out of town. - Agree, agree, agree. 498 00:41:42,751 --> 00:41:49,048 All expenses, gas, motel, food, will be shared equally. 499 00:41:49,049 --> 00:41:52,843 We'll meet only on weekdays, and I'll be in charge 500 00:41:52,844 --> 00:41:55,346 of fixing lunch on the days that we meet, 501 00:41:55,347 --> 00:41:56,807 so that we just have more time. 502 00:41:57,516 --> 00:42:00,143 And I'll also be in charge of getting the motel room. 503 00:42:00,686 --> 00:42:03,104 Same reason. It just gives us more quality time. 504 00:42:03,105 --> 00:42:04,105 Shall we 505 00:42:05,691 --> 00:42:08,860 set a date for the affair to begin? 506 00:42:13,323 --> 00:42:14,866 Let's go with December 12th. 507 00:42:15,534 --> 00:42:16,534 December 12th? 508 00:42:17,828 --> 00:42:18,996 This year. 509 00:42:20,455 --> 00:42:21,790 Great. 510 00:42:23,000 --> 00:42:25,168 December 12th it is. 511 00:42:28,088 --> 00:42:30,339 Oh, Margaret, you don't know what it does to me, 512 00:42:30,340 --> 00:42:32,968 being near you all day in surgery, only able to touch... 513 00:42:43,186 --> 00:42:45,104 You alright? 514 00:42:45,105 --> 00:42:46,315 I'm good. 515 00:42:47,607 --> 00:42:51,110 This song gives me goosebumps. 516 00:42:51,111 --> 00:42:54,239 I'm the same way about "Pennsylvania 6-5000." 517 00:42:58,744 --> 00:43:00,162 What are you doin'? 518 00:43:02,706 --> 00:43:03,957 What am I doin'? 519 00:43:04,791 --> 00:43:08,628 You once told me that your favorite character was Snugglepuss. 520 00:43:09,588 --> 00:43:11,922 Did you not tell me that, Pat? 521 00:43:11,923 --> 00:43:13,925 Snagglepuss. 522 00:43:56,551 --> 00:43:58,303 Hey, angel girl. 523 00:43:59,638 --> 00:44:01,555 Come out smarter than you go in. 524 00:44:01,556 --> 00:44:03,307 I will, Mom. 525 00:44:03,308 --> 00:44:05,028 - And no talking to boys. - You're so silly. 526 00:44:17,864 --> 00:44:20,742 Okay, buddy. Next stop, preschool. 527 00:46:27,118 --> 00:46:28,327 Hello? 528 00:46:28,328 --> 00:46:29,828 I'm at the Continental Inn 529 00:46:29,829 --> 00:46:32,874 on the Central Expressway towards Dallas, room 214. 530 00:46:33,959 --> 00:46:36,878 I will be there in a few minutes. 531 00:47:54,831 --> 00:47:56,249 What am I doin'? 532 00:48:04,299 --> 00:48:06,968 And show our boys some red and blue pride. 533 00:48:09,471 --> 00:48:11,013 Time for a couple of calls. 534 00:48:11,014 --> 00:48:13,182 Hello, Darcy. Welcome to The Dan Ram Show. 535 00:48:13,183 --> 00:48:16,061 Hey, Dan, thanks for taking my call. 536 00:49:00,855 --> 00:49:02,023 I made lunch. 537 00:49:04,567 --> 00:49:06,247 Well, you look beautiful. Really beautiful. 538 00:49:07,278 --> 00:49:08,697 Thank you. 539 00:49:12,701 --> 00:49:14,869 - Well, we should eat. - Excellent. 540 00:49:17,247 --> 00:49:20,041 Wow. Looks delicious. 541 00:49:20,959 --> 00:49:22,127 Sorry. 542 00:49:28,049 --> 00:49:31,802 You know, I've probably driven past this motel a thousand times 543 00:49:31,803 --> 00:49:33,387 and hardly knew it was here. 544 00:49:33,388 --> 00:49:34,931 Yeah, it's funny that way. 545 00:49:35,849 --> 00:49:37,559 Life. You know, the 546 00:49:38,476 --> 00:49:40,437 bland and innocuous can 547 00:49:42,188 --> 00:49:44,899 suddenly take on vivid hues and colors. 548 00:49:50,113 --> 00:49:51,614 I take a creative writing class. 549 00:49:52,449 --> 00:49:55,160 - Well, that was really good. - Thank you. 550 00:49:56,494 --> 00:49:59,956 I would love to read some of your writing sometime. 551 00:50:00,665 --> 00:50:01,624 Really? 552 00:50:01,625 --> 00:50:03,959 Well, that would make one of you 553 00:50:03,960 --> 00:50:05,711 'cause Pat has no interest, 554 00:50:05,712 --> 00:50:08,213 and I read all of his stuff on electromagnetics... 555 00:50:08,214 --> 00:50:09,883 Are we talking about Pat now? 556 00:50:11,092 --> 00:50:14,387 No, sorry. We're definitely not. 557 00:50:44,834 --> 00:50:46,085 Are you just gonna stand there? 558 00:50:47,504 --> 00:50:48,671 Yes. 559 00:51:28,378 --> 00:51:29,670 Sorry. 560 00:51:29,671 --> 00:51:32,423 Allan, have you never been French kissed before? 561 00:51:36,177 --> 00:51:39,139 You've never had a woman's tongue in your mouth? 562 00:51:44,769 --> 00:51:46,896 Well, I think you're gonna quite like it. 563 00:53:17,236 --> 00:53:19,656 - Are you okay? - I am. 564 00:53:21,282 --> 00:53:22,951 So okay. 565 00:53:26,204 --> 00:53:28,373 - You? - Oh, yeah. 566 00:53:30,375 --> 00:53:31,375 Yeah. 567 00:53:31,834 --> 00:53:33,711 That was wonderful, Candy. 568 00:53:36,631 --> 00:53:38,508 You're wonderful. 569 00:53:43,096 --> 00:53:44,972 We need to shower. 570 00:53:44,973 --> 00:53:46,807 I probably should have added that to the list. 571 00:53:46,808 --> 00:53:49,393 Always shower after 572 00:53:49,394 --> 00:53:52,813 and that way, we won't smell like each other. 573 00:53:52,814 --> 00:53:55,400 - Yeah. - Yeah. Oh, and Allan. 574 00:53:56,651 --> 00:53:57,735 Allan. 575 00:53:58,653 --> 00:54:00,530 That was 576 00:54:02,156 --> 00:54:03,574 wonderful. 577 00:54:10,999 --> 00:54:11,999 Okay.