1
00:00:07,925 --> 00:00:09,510
Oh, thank God, you're here.

2
00:00:09,593 --> 00:00:11,762
Please, I wouldn't make you
face Mrs. Moyers alone.

3
00:00:11,846 --> 00:00:14,765
She's so blonde and smiley
and dark-sided.

4
00:00:14,849 --> 00:00:16,392
The woman needs to
be double-teamed.

5
00:00:16,475 --> 00:00:18,036
Remember that time she
threatened detention

6
00:00:18,060 --> 00:00:19,454
and we couldn't tell
if it was for us or Ethan?

7
00:00:19,478 --> 00:00:20,771
It was for us.

8
00:00:20,855 --> 00:00:22,332
Oh, and did I tell you
about the cupcake incident?

9
00:00:22,356 --> 00:00:23,399
No, spill.

10
00:00:23,482 --> 00:00:25,609
A couple months ago,
I had the audacity

11
00:00:25,693 --> 00:00:27,778
to bring pink-frosted
cupcakes to the bake sale

12
00:00:27,862 --> 00:00:29,423
when Totie Nussbaum
had already staked that turf.

13
00:00:34,076 --> 00:00:36,036
The fabric cutters
are upstairs.

14
00:00:36,120 --> 00:00:38,539
One of them's been here longer
than Pop's owned the place.

15
00:00:38,622 --> 00:00:40,291
And these are our seamstresses.

16
00:00:40,374 --> 00:00:43,544
Hello, ladies.
Oh, this fabric. I want.

17
00:00:43,627 --> 00:00:47,339
It's from Istanbul. Pop's got
suppliers all over the world.

18
00:00:47,423 --> 00:00:49,383
This is Letty, our senior
button sewer.

19
00:00:49,467 --> 00:00:50,926
Letty, this is my
girlfriend Midge.

20
00:00:51,010 --> 00:00:52,011
Hello, Letty.

21
00:00:52,094 --> 00:00:53,763
What happened to Talia?

22
00:00:53,846 --> 00:00:55,514
Happy sewing, ladies.

23
00:00:55,598 --> 00:00:57,224
What did happen to Talia, Joel?

24
00:00:57,308 --> 00:00:59,578
Talia got the boot the moment
you agreed to go out with me.

25
00:00:59,602 --> 00:01:01,604
Talia didn't stand a chance.

26
00:01:01,687 --> 00:01:04,940
- Joely!
- There they are. Ma, Pop.

27
00:01:05,024 --> 00:01:07,067
I want to introduce you
to Miriam Weissman.

28
00:01:07,151 --> 00:01:08,486
Moishe Maisel. A real pleasure.

29
00:01:08,569 --> 00:01:09,612
The pleasure is mine.

30
00:01:09,695 --> 00:01:11,071
This is Joel's mother Shirley.

31
00:01:11,155 --> 00:01:12,215
Nice to meet you, Mrs. Maisel.

32
00:01:12,239 --> 00:01:14,158
My God, the grandchildren
I'm going to have.

33
00:01:14,241 --> 00:01:15,802
- Ma, you're crushing her.
- Now, they're just dating.

34
00:01:15,826 --> 00:01:17,328
How you doing for tap pants?

35
00:01:17,411 --> 00:01:18,411
I think I'm tapped out.

36
00:01:18,454 --> 00:01:20,790
- We just got some in. Come see.
- Oh.

37
00:01:20,873 --> 00:01:23,834
I'll need her back
at some point, Ma.

38
00:01:23,918 --> 00:01:27,463
- Well?
- This, my son, is a girl you do not let go of.

39
00:01:27,546 --> 00:01:29,381
This, Pop... is forever.

40
00:01:29,465 --> 00:01:31,065
What size are you?
You're tiny.

41
00:01:31,133 --> 00:01:32,861
<i>She kept saying it.</i>

42
00:01:32,885 --> 00:01:34,845
"Nut bars. You signed up
to make nut bars.

43
00:01:34,929 --> 00:01:36,055
Where are the nut bars?"

44
00:01:36,138 --> 00:01:38,307
In the meantime, all my cupcakes
sold like hotcakes

45
00:01:38,390 --> 00:01:41,602
and Totie Nussbaum's entire
tray got the go-by. Ha!

46
00:01:41,685 --> 00:01:42,978
Is that her?

47
00:01:43,062 --> 00:01:45,689
Sit up.

48
00:01:45,773 --> 00:01:47,149
False alarm.

49
00:01:47,233 --> 00:01:50,027
Let me tell you, the dads here
are as bad as the moms.

50
00:01:50,110 --> 00:01:51,737
They tried to get me
to coach a team.

51
00:01:51,821 --> 00:01:52,988
How'd you get out of it?

52
00:01:53,072 --> 00:01:55,324
- Faked a war injury.
- You didn't.

53
00:01:55,407 --> 00:01:56,718
These guys know nothing
of my background,

54
00:01:56,742 --> 00:01:58,202
so I took advantage of that.

55
00:01:58,285 --> 00:02:00,162
No one is going to
question a war hero.

56
00:02:02,414 --> 00:02:03,809
<i>I gave you
the sign to leave.</i>

57
00:02:03,833 --> 00:02:04,833
Over an hour ago.

58
00:02:04,875 --> 00:02:06,794
It's only 9:30, Grandpa.

59
00:02:06,877 --> 00:02:08,379
Well, one of us works.

60
00:02:08,462 --> 00:02:11,173
I'm sorry, I was entertaining
your old street hockey friends

61
00:02:11,257 --> 00:02:12,484
because I thought
that's what you wanted.

62
00:02:12,508 --> 00:02:14,510
Well, you thought wrong.

63
00:02:14,593 --> 00:02:15,928
- Pull over.
- What?

64
00:02:16,011 --> 00:02:16,887
- Here?
- No.

65
00:02:16,971 --> 00:02:19,431
- Stop the car.
- Midge!

66
00:02:19,515 --> 00:02:22,560
So dramatic, I'm married
to Barbara Stanwyck here.

67
00:02:24,186 --> 00:02:25,521
It's a buck-forty, pal!

68
00:02:25,604 --> 00:02:26,856
Just hold on.

69
00:02:26,939 --> 00:02:28,315
Midge, what are you doing?

70
00:02:28,399 --> 00:02:30,025
Walking home.

71
00:02:30,109 --> 00:02:32,111
We're in Brooklyn.
You'll be home around dawn.

72
00:02:32,194 --> 00:02:34,196
No problem, I don't
have work tomorrow.

73
00:02:34,280 --> 00:02:35,990
Wait, did I pronounce
that right? "Work"?

74
00:02:36,073 --> 00:02:37,992
I've only read the word
in my magazines.

75
00:02:38,075 --> 00:02:39,219
You're not even going
the right direction.

76
00:02:39,243 --> 00:02:40,369
The bridge is that way.

77
00:02:40,452 --> 00:02:41,662
The bridge is this way.

78
00:02:41,745 --> 00:02:42,830
I grew up here, Midge.

79
00:02:42,913 --> 00:02:44,248
I can see the lights.

80
00:02:44,331 --> 00:02:46,417
Are you and Barbara getting
back in the car or what?

81
00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:47,668
Just follow us.

82
00:02:47,751 --> 00:02:49,461
With the meter running?
Are you crazy?

83
00:02:49,545 --> 00:02:51,305
There may not be another
cab when we're done.

84
00:02:51,380 --> 00:02:53,716
Well, how long do you think
this fight is gonna last?

85
00:02:53,799 --> 00:02:55,009
Hopefully not too long.

86
00:02:55,092 --> 00:02:56,677
I've only got three bucks
in my wallet.

87
00:02:56,760 --> 00:02:59,096
Well, if you are walking,
miss, then keep going.

88
00:02:59,179 --> 00:03:00,514
The bridge is that way.

89
00:03:00,598 --> 00:03:03,642
No, it's not.
Yes, it is, goddamn it.

90
00:03:03,726 --> 00:03:06,061
I don't know my own
neighborhood.

91
00:03:06,145 --> 00:03:09,023
The bridge may have been down
there when you were a kid.

92
00:03:09,106 --> 00:03:10,566
Things change.

93
00:03:10,649 --> 00:03:13,277
And my friends,
they are horrible.

94
00:03:13,360 --> 00:03:14,737
All that burping and slurping.

95
00:03:14,820 --> 00:03:17,323
Tony blew his nose
into a cocktail napkin

96
00:03:17,406 --> 00:03:18,824
and kept using it.

97
00:03:18,908 --> 00:03:21,410
I won't inflict them
on you again. I promise.

98
00:03:23,495 --> 00:03:25,205
But they're your friends.

99
00:03:25,289 --> 00:03:27,750
I just need you. That's all.

100
00:03:27,833 --> 00:03:29,835
Took you a while
to figure that out.

101
00:03:31,337 --> 00:03:35,174
Hey. Our song.

102
00:03:35,257 --> 00:03:36,508
Come here, Barbara.

103
00:03:36,592 --> 00:03:42,056
<i>♪ See the pyramids
along the Nile ♪</i>

104
00:03:42,139 --> 00:03:44,808
<i>♪ Watch the sun rise ♪</i>

105
00:03:44,892 --> 00:03:46,977
<i>♪ From a tropic isle...</i>

106
00:03:47,061 --> 00:03:50,230
This dance is going to put
another 80 cents on the meter.

107
00:03:50,314 --> 00:03:52,066
Let's make it an even buck.

108
00:03:52,149 --> 00:03:55,611
<i>♪ All the while ♪</i>

109
00:03:55,694 --> 00:03:57,905
<i>♪ You belong to me ♪</i>

110
00:03:57,988 --> 00:03:59,156
<i>Only problem is,</i>

111
00:03:59,239 --> 00:04:00,866
the dads also have
a veteran's group,

112
00:04:00,950 --> 00:04:02,701
and now I have to go
to those meetings.

113
00:04:02,785 --> 00:04:03,702
Still better than coaching.

114
00:04:03,786 --> 00:04:05,245
Good morning.

115
00:04:05,329 --> 00:04:06,497
I'm sorry, did I scare you?

116
00:04:06,580 --> 00:04:07,748
Always.

117
00:04:07,831 --> 00:04:10,042
- I sometimes do that.
- Hello, Mrs. Moyers.

118
00:04:10,125 --> 00:04:12,086
Yes, hello, Mrs. Moyers.

119
00:04:12,169 --> 00:04:14,922
Thank you for coming in
on such short notice.

120
00:04:15,005 --> 00:04:17,216
So, why are we here today?

121
00:04:18,467 --> 00:04:20,177
- It was rhetorical.
- Got it.

122
00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:23,555
We have a problem.
He's been rude. Disrespectful.

123
00:04:23,639 --> 00:04:26,058
Incredibly disruptive.
Throwing tantrums.

124
00:04:26,141 --> 00:04:27,059
Oh, boy...

125
00:04:27,142 --> 00:04:28,727
And then there's
the pipe smoking.

126
00:04:28,811 --> 00:04:30,771
- Ethan's smoking a pipe?
- Not Ethan.

127
00:04:30,854 --> 00:04:31,897
Your father.

128
00:04:31,981 --> 00:04:34,692
- Abe?
- He's been back several times

129
00:04:34,775 --> 00:04:36,860
since the incident
with the aptitude test.

130
00:04:36,944 --> 00:04:39,321
Talking about your daughter's
future enrollment here.

131
00:04:39,405 --> 00:04:41,949
Whether the curriculum's
up to her standards.

132
00:04:42,032 --> 00:04:43,993
Wanting to interview teachers,
vet textbooks...

133
00:04:44,076 --> 00:04:46,704
I'm sorry, this is not funny.

134
00:04:46,787 --> 00:04:48,872
No, I'm sorry.
This is quite funny.

135
00:04:48,956 --> 00:04:51,458
Yeah, you know science
and stuff. We know funny.

136
00:04:51,542 --> 00:04:54,044
This is funny.

137
00:04:54,128 --> 00:04:56,439
We would like him not to return
for the foreseeable future.

138
00:04:56,463 --> 00:04:58,173
Not till he adjusts
his attitude.

139
00:04:58,257 --> 00:05:00,676
We've never banned
a grandparent before.

140
00:05:00,759 --> 00:05:02,737
Even the Happy Group seems dismayed...

141
00:05:09,184 --> 00:05:12,104
Penny. I didn't know
you were still here.

142
00:05:12,187 --> 00:05:15,232
Just trying to figure out
this new-fangled thing.

143
00:05:15,315 --> 00:05:16,608
So, you have a 10:00

144
00:05:16,692 --> 00:05:18,294
with the production team
tomorrow morning,

145
00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:19,570
and lunch with Nadler at 1:00.

146
00:05:19,653 --> 00:05:21,089
That you'll cancel
first thing tomorrow.

147
00:05:21,113 --> 00:05:22,990
- I always do.
- What would I do without you?

148
00:05:23,073 --> 00:05:24,241
I would hate to think.

149
00:05:24,324 --> 00:05:26,618
- Good night.
- Good night.

150
00:05:32,082 --> 00:05:35,002
Hey. You feel like
getting a drink?

151
00:05:35,085 --> 00:05:36,628
Sure.

152
00:05:37,838 --> 00:05:39,232
<i>Obviously,
we would like my father</i>

153
00:05:39,256 --> 00:05:41,675
to be able to see
our son graduate.

154
00:05:41,759 --> 00:05:44,094
When he appears in school plays.

155
00:05:44,178 --> 00:05:46,597
As long as we keep him
on a tight leash?

156
00:05:46,680 --> 00:05:47,723
A leash would help.

157
00:05:47,806 --> 00:05:49,433
I don't mean a physical leash.

158
00:05:49,516 --> 00:05:51,602
Well, I hear you
and I will take this up

159
00:05:51,685 --> 00:05:53,187
with the faculty, I promise.

160
00:05:53,270 --> 00:05:54,605
That's all we ask. Thank you.

161
00:05:54,688 --> 00:05:55,814
Yes, thank you.

162
00:05:55,898 --> 00:05:57,441
Thank you.

163
00:06:00,277 --> 00:06:01,528
Can we go...?

164
00:06:01,612 --> 00:06:03,947
You may go.

165
00:06:06,575 --> 00:06:08,160
So what's your day today?

166
00:06:08,243 --> 00:06:11,121
Today, I am hopping
a train to Bryn Mawr.

167
00:06:11,205 --> 00:06:12,956
You're kidding. For what?

168
00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:15,584
It's a luncheon for the ladies
of the Class of '53.

169
00:06:15,667 --> 00:06:17,628
Oh, so it'll be
Petra, Daniella...

170
00:06:17,711 --> 00:06:19,213
Tammy, Kiki, all the girls.

171
00:06:19,296 --> 00:06:20,214
Who hate me.

172
00:06:20,297 --> 00:06:21,465
They don't hate you.

173
00:06:21,548 --> 00:06:22,549
- Detest me?
- Eh.

174
00:06:22,633 --> 00:06:23,801
- Despise me?
- Eh.

175
00:06:23,884 --> 00:06:25,135
Pick the word. "Abhor" is good.

176
00:06:25,219 --> 00:06:27,096
I will defend you. To a point.

177
00:06:27,179 --> 00:06:28,931
I will take "to a point."

178
00:06:29,014 --> 00:06:31,600
Have fun. And send them
all my love,

179
00:06:31,683 --> 00:06:32,893
if only to confuse them.

180
00:06:32,976 --> 00:06:34,436
I will.

181
00:06:34,520 --> 00:06:37,189
Mrs. Maisel, will I see you at
the next library fundraiser?

182
00:06:37,272 --> 00:06:38,774
I'm gonna try, Barbara.

183
00:06:38,857 --> 00:06:40,317
You missed last year.

184
00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:41,318
I know, I'm sorry.

185
00:06:41,401 --> 00:06:43,987
- Hey.
- Hey.

186
00:06:44,071 --> 00:06:46,031
Can we get a drink sometime?

187
00:06:46,115 --> 00:06:49,118
Catch up? Talk about something
other than the kids?

188
00:06:49,201 --> 00:06:52,454
Sure. I would like that.

189
00:06:52,538 --> 00:06:54,665
Me, too. I'll call you.

190
00:07:12,057 --> 00:07:14,309
Fascinating. Hmm.

191
00:07:14,393 --> 00:07:17,312
Utterly fascinating.

192
00:07:19,148 --> 00:07:23,235
Woo-hoo. Especially this page.

193
00:07:25,737 --> 00:07:27,781
Well... time for a snack.

194
00:07:48,135 --> 00:07:49,636
- What are you doing?
- Shh.

195
00:07:49,720 --> 00:07:51,597
I'm watching Esther.

196
00:07:51,680 --> 00:07:53,182
Watching her play?

197
00:07:53,265 --> 00:07:54,808
Watching to see what she'll do.

198
00:07:54,892 --> 00:07:57,811
Clearly, she has some
kind of freak talent.

199
00:07:57,895 --> 00:07:59,354
In music, at least.

200
00:07:59,438 --> 00:08:02,858
And now I want to ascertain
the breadth of her abilities.

201
00:08:02,941 --> 00:08:05,611
For instance, does it
extend to literature?

202
00:08:05,694 --> 00:08:07,696
So, I left my book there

203
00:08:07,779 --> 00:08:10,616
and I want to see
if she goes over to my book.

204
00:08:10,699 --> 00:08:12,618
Okay...

205
00:08:12,701 --> 00:08:14,369
Is there candy in the book?

206
00:08:14,453 --> 00:08:16,705
No, there's no candy
in the book.

207
00:08:16,788 --> 00:08:18,624
Why would there be candy
in the book?

208
00:08:18,707 --> 00:08:20,768
Well, if you're waiting for her
to go over to that book,

209
00:08:20,792 --> 00:08:22,461
I assumed you put
some candy in the book.

210
00:08:22,544 --> 00:08:23,921
Hard candy,
that's what she likes.

211
00:08:24,004 --> 00:08:26,757
I don't want to
feed her hard candy, Rose,

212
00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:30,219
I want to see if she'll
go over to the book

213
00:08:30,302 --> 00:08:32,679
and not because she thinks
there's candy.

214
00:08:32,763 --> 00:08:34,348
What's the book?

215
00:08:34,431 --> 00:08:38,143
It's <i>Being and Nothingness</i>
by Sartre.

216
00:08:38,227 --> 00:08:39,519
Are there pictures?

217
00:08:39,603 --> 00:08:43,232
In <i>Being and Nothingness?</i>
No, there's no pictures.

218
00:08:43,315 --> 00:08:45,293
Then you should probably
put some candy in the book.

219
00:08:45,317 --> 00:08:47,361
Even one piece could
make a difference.

220
00:08:47,444 --> 00:08:50,572
Rose, I just want
to see if she's curious

221
00:08:50,656 --> 00:08:53,450
about the text in the book.

222
00:08:53,533 --> 00:08:55,494
I have to see
if my granddaughter

223
00:08:55,577 --> 00:08:58,413
is the grandson
I've been waiting for.

224
00:08:58,497 --> 00:09:00,600
She's not going to know what
<i>Being and Nothingness</i> is,

225
00:09:00,624 --> 00:09:02,292
even if she's curious
about the text.

226
00:09:02,376 --> 00:09:04,503
No one knows what
<i>Being and Nothingness</i> is,

227
00:09:04,586 --> 00:09:06,755
Sartre doesn't even know.

228
00:09:06,838 --> 00:09:09,174
Even I'm just pretending
to read it.

229
00:09:09,258 --> 00:09:10,425
Pretending?

230
00:09:10,509 --> 00:09:11,885
For the experiment.

231
00:09:11,969 --> 00:09:14,089
But if she suspects that you're
pretending to read it,

232
00:09:14,137 --> 00:09:15,806
she may think this
is some sort of trick

233
00:09:15,889 --> 00:09:17,849
and will purposely
ignore the book.

234
00:09:17,933 --> 00:09:21,353
Which would indicate an aptitude

235
00:09:21,436 --> 00:09:24,523
for cognitive reasoning
far beyond her age.

236
00:09:24,606 --> 00:09:26,483
So going to the book

237
00:09:26,566 --> 00:09:29,695
would indicate advanced
mental faculties

238
00:09:29,778 --> 00:09:32,197
and not going to the book

239
00:09:32,281 --> 00:09:35,826
would also indicate
advanced mental faculties.

240
00:09:38,245 --> 00:09:40,289
I'd still go with candy.

241
00:09:42,791 --> 00:09:44,293
Oh, dumb doll.

242
00:09:44,376 --> 00:09:46,336
Mm-hmm. I know what
you're saying, James,

243
00:09:46,420 --> 00:09:47,563
I know what it must
have sounded like,

244
00:09:47,587 --> 00:09:50,090
but I think it was just
a miscommunication.

245
00:09:50,173 --> 00:09:52,634
She may have been high,
yeah, smoking tea, sure,

246
00:09:52,718 --> 00:09:54,219
we all need to unwind at times.

247
00:09:54,303 --> 00:09:56,638
No, because she wants
to apologize in person.

248
00:09:56,722 --> 00:09:58,849
She's coming out there now,
she's coming to Baltimore.

249
00:09:58,932 --> 00:10:00,285
Yeah, she wants
to see you on the set

250
00:10:00,309 --> 00:10:02,120
and take you for soft shell
crabs at Haussner's.

251
00:10:02,144 --> 00:10:03,603
I'm booking
the train ticket now.

252
00:10:03,687 --> 00:10:06,773
Okay, well, enjoy the fruit
basket with the wine pairing,

253
00:10:06,857 --> 00:10:08,334
the robe, the tennis racket
and the bicycle.

254
00:10:08,358 --> 00:10:10,777
I'll talk to you later. Bye.

255
00:10:10,861 --> 00:10:12,321
I'm allergic to crabs.

256
00:10:12,404 --> 00:10:13,923
"It's not your turn"?
Did you really say that?

257
00:10:13,947 --> 00:10:15,240
Yes.

258
00:10:15,324 --> 00:10:17,492
- Want to give me some context?
- Not now, Dinah.

259
00:10:17,576 --> 00:10:19,161
Then when?
After James fires you?

260
00:10:19,244 --> 00:10:20,662
Is he gonna fire me?

261
00:10:20,746 --> 00:10:22,640
He's on the brink. I turned
it around with those gifts.

262
00:10:22,664 --> 00:10:25,000
You should've checked
with me about those gifts.

263
00:10:25,083 --> 00:10:26,585
Those gifts saved
your ass, Susie,

264
00:10:26,668 --> 00:10:27,794
pardon my French.

265
00:10:27,878 --> 00:10:29,588
Now pack a bag,
you're going to Baltimore.

266
00:10:29,671 --> 00:10:31,131
Look, I know you mean well,

267
00:10:31,214 --> 00:10:33,091
but you are missing
the complexities here.

268
00:10:33,175 --> 00:10:35,218
I understand the goddamn
complexities.

269
00:10:35,302 --> 00:10:37,763
You're gonna let James walk away
'cause you can't break Midge.

270
00:10:37,846 --> 00:10:39,806
Fuck you, I'm gonna break Midge.

271
00:10:39,890 --> 00:10:41,975
It's not one or the other.
Midge is my girl, too.

272
00:10:42,059 --> 00:10:43,995
But Midge isn't getting it
handed to her like James.

273
00:10:44,019 --> 00:10:46,521
Really? You want to try
being Black for a day?

274
00:10:47,731 --> 00:10:50,025
No one's handed James anything,
he's earned what he has.

275
00:10:50,108 --> 00:10:51,234
I know.

276
00:10:51,318 --> 00:10:52,611
So don't let him walk away.

277
00:10:52,694 --> 00:10:54,571
Because if you do,
then I may walk away.

278
00:10:54,654 --> 00:10:56,323
And you really can't
live without me.

279
00:10:56,406 --> 00:10:58,075
How much was the bike?

280
00:10:59,368 --> 00:11:00,285
Book the ticket.

281
00:11:00,369 --> 00:11:02,037
While you book James on Paar.

282
00:11:11,004 --> 00:11:12,172
Hello, ladies!

283
00:11:15,133 --> 00:11:16,843
God, Midge, what
are you wearing?

284
00:11:16,927 --> 00:11:18,512
- I love it.
- Oh, this old thing?

285
00:11:18,595 --> 00:11:20,355
Old? It's straight out
of this month's <i>Vogue.</i>

286
00:11:20,389 --> 00:11:22,099
What about you? Fashion model.

287
00:11:22,182 --> 00:11:23,517
She did model.

288
00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:24,994
Get a load!
I brought an old friend!

289
00:11:25,018 --> 00:11:26,436
- Oh, my God.
- The flask.

290
00:11:26,520 --> 00:11:28,688
My daddy's, remember?
From his days in the cavalry.

291
00:11:28,772 --> 00:11:30,857
Right, and when
a party got boring, we'd...

292
00:11:30,941 --> 00:11:32,567
Call for the cavalry!

293
00:11:34,403 --> 00:11:36,446
Let's get moving, ladies,
we can't miss the auction.

294
00:11:36,530 --> 00:11:37,906
Or lunch, I'm famished.

295
00:11:37,989 --> 00:11:40,117
You got a new one, Kiki.
Don't be selfish.

296
00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:41,928
- Let me see a picture.
- Oh, I don't carry pictures.

297
00:11:41,952 --> 00:11:43,161
What?

298
00:11:43,245 --> 00:11:44,704
Here they are, the whole gang.

299
00:11:44,788 --> 00:11:46,790
- Four? You have four here?
- Everything's butter.

300
00:11:46,873 --> 00:11:48,792
- How is Tom?
- Buttery. Very buttery.

301
00:11:48,875 --> 00:11:50,961
What's buttery? Tom?

302
00:11:51,044 --> 00:11:54,506
What's with the teeny, tiny
petite-y, patootie sandwiches?

303
00:11:54,589 --> 00:11:57,384
They want us to stay teeny-tiny
petite-y patootie ladies.

304
00:11:57,467 --> 00:11:58,885
That ship's sailed.

305
00:11:58,969 --> 00:11:59,987
This is just sprouts between

306
00:12:00,011 --> 00:12:01,322
two tiny slices of bread.
And no crust.

307
00:12:01,346 --> 00:12:04,266
Another cucumber.
Every other one is cucumber.

308
00:12:04,349 --> 00:12:05,993
This is a half strawberry
on top of cream cheese.

309
00:12:06,017 --> 00:12:08,186
- Cream cheese? I'll take that.
- Be my guest.

310
00:12:09,438 --> 00:12:11,982
Ugh, it's not cream cheese.
It's like a whipped salmon.

311
00:12:12,065 --> 00:12:13,608
Why would anyone want
to whip salmon?

312
00:12:13,692 --> 00:12:15,360
- Napkin.
- All ready for you.

313
00:12:15,444 --> 00:12:18,280
Why the fuck can't they just
give us turkey and ham on rye?

314
00:12:18,363 --> 00:12:20,407
- Petra...
- I need something to soak up

315
00:12:20,490 --> 00:12:22,617
this booze. I mean,
the lawn is spinning.

316
00:12:22,701 --> 00:12:24,619
Not me. Cavalry! Pass it!

317
00:12:24,703 --> 00:12:27,456
Tammy, what is this
you bid on? Weapons?

318
00:12:27,539 --> 00:12:29,458
Lawn darts.
My boys will love them.

319
00:12:29,541 --> 00:12:30,792
They look dangerous.

320
00:12:30,876 --> 00:12:32,270
They wouldn't sell them
if they were dangerous.

321
00:12:32,294 --> 00:12:34,546
I'm very happy with my owl.
I'm naming him Charlie.

322
00:12:34,629 --> 00:12:36,465
I'd swear its eyes
are following me.

323
00:12:36,548 --> 00:12:38,091
Midge did the best of all of us.

324
00:12:38,175 --> 00:12:41,052
You got to bid fast and furious
to score a Hoover Lark.

325
00:12:41,136 --> 00:12:42,136
What a beaut.

326
00:12:42,179 --> 00:12:44,181
It's the lightest vacuum
on the market.

327
00:12:44,264 --> 00:12:46,766
It's not even on the market yet.
I'm green with envy.

328
00:12:46,850 --> 00:12:48,268
Oh, there's Mr. Dee,
from Sociology?

329
00:12:48,351 --> 00:12:51,396
Connie, hello, long time no see.

330
00:12:51,480 --> 00:12:53,231
How did he get more handsome?

331
00:12:53,315 --> 00:12:54,441
That's not fair.

332
00:12:54,524 --> 00:12:56,164
What was his full name?
It's not just Dee.

333
00:12:56,234 --> 00:12:58,004
I always thought it was
short for Dee-licious.

334
00:12:58,028 --> 00:12:59,779
I almost didn't recognize
him with the...

335
00:12:59,863 --> 00:13:03,200
He just kissed Sandra Gutenberg smack on the lips.

336
00:13:03,283 --> 00:13:04,409
He sure did.

337
00:13:04,493 --> 00:13:06,328
Doesn't he know where
that mouth has been?

338
00:13:06,411 --> 00:13:08,079
I sure hope so. They're married.

339
00:13:08,163 --> 00:13:09,706
- Married?
- Eight years now.

340
00:13:09,789 --> 00:13:11,541
Which makes her Sandra Dee?
Really?

341
00:13:11,625 --> 00:13:15,003
She swears they weren't a
couple when she was a student.

342
00:13:15,086 --> 00:13:16,856
- Oh, please.
- Said they ran into each other at a Piggly Wiggly

343
00:13:16,880 --> 00:13:19,174
right after graduation
and sparks flew.

344
00:13:19,257 --> 00:13:21,718
Yeah, well, rumor has it,
she was wiggling his piggly

345
00:13:21,801 --> 00:13:23,470
every afternoon
behind Dalton Hall.

346
00:13:25,764 --> 00:13:26,932
Hi, Sandra.

347
00:13:27,015 --> 00:13:29,017
- Hi, ladies.
- Nice to see you.

348
00:13:29,100 --> 00:13:30,894
So, Midge...

349
00:13:30,977 --> 00:13:32,395
So, Daniella...

350
00:13:32,479 --> 00:13:33,522
Elephant in the room?

351
00:13:33,605 --> 00:13:34,707
I told you not to bring it up.

352
00:13:34,731 --> 00:13:36,733
It's okay.

353
00:13:36,816 --> 00:13:39,027
Yes, I'm converting
to Christianity.

354
00:13:39,110 --> 00:13:40,654
- What? No.
- Are you?

355
00:13:40,737 --> 00:13:42,072
Midge...

356
00:13:42,155 --> 00:13:45,659
Things are fine with Joel.
We're friends.

357
00:13:45,742 --> 00:13:47,382
Palmer Witherspoon is
still brokenhearted.

358
00:13:47,452 --> 00:13:49,454
And available.
He and Tuffy just divorced.

359
00:13:49,538 --> 00:13:51,790
Palmer Witherspoon had the
personality of a shoehorn.

360
00:13:51,873 --> 00:13:53,458
He's a lead accountant
at Deloitte now.

361
00:13:53,542 --> 00:13:54,584
As I was saying...

362
00:13:54,668 --> 00:13:56,253
You and Joel moved so fast.

363
00:13:56,336 --> 00:13:58,838
Palmer was gone one day
and bam, you two were a thing.

364
00:13:58,922 --> 00:14:01,007
Or were you two a thing,
then bam, Palmer was gone?

365
00:14:01,091 --> 00:14:04,469
He was very persistent.
But I controlled the pace,

366
00:14:04,553 --> 00:14:06,680
because I was a proper,
chaste young lady...

367
00:14:06,763 --> 00:14:07,889
Until we were married.

368
00:14:07,973 --> 00:14:09,307
Until you were engaged.

369
00:14:09,391 --> 00:14:10,725
Yeah, who you fooling?

370
00:14:10,809 --> 00:14:12,519
We saw you two up
against that tree.

371
00:14:12,602 --> 00:14:13,812
Kiki!

372
00:14:13,895 --> 00:14:14,956
You almost uprooted the thing.

373
00:14:14,980 --> 00:14:16,940
Definitely rubbed some bark off.

374
00:14:17,023 --> 00:14:19,776
I knew those binoculars weren't
just for bird-watching.

375
00:14:19,859 --> 00:14:22,571
I did warn you about him,
you remember that, right?

376
00:14:22,654 --> 00:14:25,115
Yes, Petra.
You were very protective.

377
00:14:25,198 --> 00:14:26,992
And now you're a single
working girl.

378
00:14:27,075 --> 00:14:28,326
Working for Gordon Ford.

379
00:14:28,410 --> 00:14:29,744
Is it so much fun?

380
00:14:29,828 --> 00:14:30,996
Do you laugh all day?

381
00:14:31,079 --> 00:14:33,290
It's a bit of a grind.
But there are laughs.

382
00:14:33,373 --> 00:14:35,875
And you perform. Onstage.
I can't picture that.

383
00:14:35,959 --> 00:14:38,920
You can't? She gave the toast
at her wedding. Stole the show.

384
00:14:39,004 --> 00:14:40,755
I meant I can't picture me
doing that.

385
00:14:40,839 --> 00:14:43,592
You're not scared standing
onstage in front of people?

386
00:14:43,675 --> 00:14:45,927
Well, let's see...

387
00:14:46,011 --> 00:14:48,013
If there was anything else
in the entire world

388
00:14:48,096 --> 00:14:50,640
that I could possibly do to earn
a living, I would. Anything.

389
00:14:50,724 --> 00:14:52,726
I'm talking dry cleaners
to the Klan,

390
00:14:52,809 --> 00:14:55,312
crippled-kid portrait painter,
slaughterhouse attendant...

391
00:14:55,395 --> 00:14:57,564
I don't think those
are the only options.

392
00:14:57,647 --> 00:14:59,524
Just something a friend
told me once.

393
00:14:59,608 --> 00:15:01,901
No. Not scared onstage.

394
00:15:01,985 --> 00:15:05,322
Offstage, though, in the club
bathrooms, that's terrifying.

395
00:15:05,405 --> 00:15:07,574
Why do you do it?

396
00:15:07,657 --> 00:15:09,659
Because I love it.

397
00:15:09,743 --> 00:15:12,495
People listen to you.
Plus, you get free drinks.

398
00:15:12,579 --> 00:15:16,333
You said on the phone that you
were going to be on Jack Paar.

399
00:15:16,416 --> 00:15:19,544
That was just an audition
to be on his show.

400
00:15:19,628 --> 00:15:22,339
They haven't made
a decision yet. We'll see.

401
00:15:22,422 --> 00:15:23,465
Oh, there's Corky Fleming.

402
00:15:23,548 --> 00:15:24,841
Always hated her. Hi, Corky!

403
00:15:24,924 --> 00:15:26,718
- Hi, Corky.
- Hi, girls.

404
00:15:26,801 --> 00:15:28,738
Corky used to fool
around with Mr. Dee, too.

405
00:15:28,762 --> 00:15:30,615
This all happen during
my semester in Prague?

406
00:15:30,639 --> 00:15:32,158
Everyone had
a thing for Mr. Dee.

407
00:15:32,182 --> 00:15:33,600
Not me. He gave me a C.

408
00:15:34,809 --> 00:15:36,019
Calvary, please!

409
00:15:37,729 --> 00:15:39,648
Is this allowed?
We don't have passes.

410
00:15:39,731 --> 00:15:41,358
We don't need
no stinking passes!

411
00:15:41,441 --> 00:15:42,859
We're esteemed alumnae.

412
00:15:42,942 --> 00:15:45,904
Come on, ladies.
Fortune favors the brave!

413
00:15:45,987 --> 00:15:47,280
Do you dream about the dorms?

414
00:15:47,364 --> 00:15:48,865
I still have dreams
about the dorms.

415
00:15:53,244 --> 00:15:55,664
Do I smell food?

416
00:15:55,747 --> 00:15:57,082
Are they allowing
hot plates now?

417
00:15:57,165 --> 00:15:58,166
Don't approve.

418
00:15:58,249 --> 00:15:59,876
They have a TV in their room!

419
00:15:59,959 --> 00:16:01,169
So spoiled.

420
00:16:01,252 --> 00:16:03,755
Aw.

421
00:16:03,838 --> 00:16:04,838
Hi.

422
00:16:04,881 --> 00:16:07,842
Hi. Sounds good,
the rock and roll.

423
00:16:07,926 --> 00:16:09,177
Yup.

424
00:16:09,260 --> 00:16:11,846
Petra and I played
"Toolie Oolie Doolie" nonstop

425
00:16:11,930 --> 00:16:13,765
for two months
in this very room.

426
00:16:13,848 --> 00:16:15,141
<i>♪ The things we've done...</i>

427
00:16:15,225 --> 00:16:16,351
The Andrews Sisters?

428
00:16:16,434 --> 00:16:19,312
Right. My mother has
one of their records.

429
00:16:19,396 --> 00:16:21,439
What's she up to tonight?

430
00:16:21,523 --> 00:16:23,024
You looking for your kid?

431
00:16:23,108 --> 00:16:24,502
- My kid?
- We're 30, peewee. - Come on.

432
00:16:24,526 --> 00:16:25,443
Geez.

433
00:16:25,527 --> 00:16:27,237
- Sorry.
- Oh, my God.

434
00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:29,239
This is okay with you?

435
00:16:29,322 --> 00:16:30,532
What?

436
00:16:30,615 --> 00:16:33,410
What. She says "What?"

437
00:16:33,493 --> 00:16:35,078
What?

438
00:16:37,455 --> 00:16:38,373
What did we miss?

439
00:16:38,456 --> 00:16:40,333
This carpet was unforgivable.

440
00:16:40,417 --> 00:16:43,044
- Not anymore. The Lark's really suctioning up the dirt.
- Feet.

441
00:16:43,128 --> 00:16:44,814
The Lark is the lightest-weight
vacuum on the market.

442
00:16:44,838 --> 00:16:46,798
And easy to store.

443
00:16:46,881 --> 00:16:50,260
Something to keep
in mind, Sherry. Barb.

444
00:16:50,343 --> 00:16:51,511
- Sure.
- Okay.

445
00:16:51,594 --> 00:16:54,013
Three of us slept
in here? Really?

446
00:16:54,097 --> 00:16:55,849
How did we ever fit
all our stuff?

447
00:16:55,932 --> 00:16:57,559
Why is the world getting
so much smaller?

448
00:16:57,642 --> 00:17:00,311
Hey, come on. We want to see
if they're still there.

449
00:17:00,395 --> 00:17:02,195
- If what's still where?
- Come on!

450
00:17:03,022 --> 00:17:04,023
Bye.

451
00:17:04,107 --> 00:17:05,024
Bye, girls.

452
00:17:05,108 --> 00:17:06,109
- Bye.
- Bye.

453
00:17:07,360 --> 00:17:09,612
Cleanliness is
next to godliness.

454
00:17:09,696 --> 00:17:12,699
Holy shit, what am I, 80?

455
00:17:17,412 --> 00:17:18,455
Ew, spiderwebs!

456
00:17:18,538 --> 00:17:19,873
You wanted to go first.

457
00:17:19,956 --> 00:17:22,292
- Smells like Tut's tomb in here.
- Oh...

458
00:17:22,375 --> 00:17:24,335
Somebody get a stick
and wave it in front of us.

459
00:17:24,419 --> 00:17:25,545
Take the cobwebs down.

460
00:17:25,628 --> 00:17:27,005
Keep moving, Kiki.

461
00:17:27,088 --> 00:17:28,757
Oh, that stick's
not long enough.

462
00:17:28,840 --> 00:17:30,091
Midge, use your vacuum.

463
00:17:30,175 --> 00:17:31,426
The Lark is not a toy.

464
00:17:31,509 --> 00:17:34,429
Oy, girls. Come on,
time's a-wasting.

465
00:17:34,512 --> 00:17:35,597
- Oh! Aah!
- Aah!

466
00:17:35,680 --> 00:17:38,391
I hate spiders
more than anything.

467
00:17:38,475 --> 00:17:40,435
This is smaller, too.

468
00:17:40,518 --> 00:17:41,853
Everything's shrinking.

469
00:17:41,936 --> 00:17:44,147
Our cigarette butts
are still on the ground.

470
00:17:44,230 --> 00:17:46,065
Good. That means they
still might be here.

471
00:17:46,149 --> 00:17:48,109
And they are.

472
00:17:48,193 --> 00:17:50,153
Oh, we attached
ribbons and flowers.

473
00:17:50,236 --> 00:17:51,362
We were so cute.

474
00:17:51,446 --> 00:17:52,548
Whose color was this?
Anyone remember?

475
00:17:52,572 --> 00:17:53,490
Was I yellow?

476
00:17:53,573 --> 00:17:54,842
No, I was yellow,
you were purple.

477
00:17:54,866 --> 00:17:56,552
The blue and purple
are looking a lot alike.

478
00:17:56,576 --> 00:17:57,786
Hold them up to the light.

479
00:17:57,869 --> 00:17:59,871
I was definitely green.
Gimme, gimme.

480
00:17:59,954 --> 00:18:00,872
- Blue.
- Oh.

481
00:18:00,955 --> 00:18:02,582
- Pink.
- Ah.

482
00:18:02,665 --> 00:18:04,959
Whose idea was it to write
notes to our future selves?

483
00:18:05,043 --> 00:18:06,503
- Yours.
- No.

484
00:18:06,586 --> 00:18:08,689
It was definitely yours, Midge.
You always thought ahead.

485
00:18:08,713 --> 00:18:09,756
Our fearless leader.

486
00:18:09,839 --> 00:18:11,299
All right, gang, here's mine.

487
00:18:11,382 --> 00:18:12,425
Read, read.

488
00:18:12,509 --> 00:18:14,135
"Love as if your
life depends on it."

489
00:18:14,219 --> 00:18:15,470
Really?

490
00:18:15,553 --> 00:18:17,597
You went through that whole
Kahlil Gibran phase.

491
00:18:17,680 --> 00:18:19,280
I gave that book away
with my jump ropes.

492
00:18:19,307 --> 00:18:21,142
- And do you?
- Do I what?

493
00:18:21,226 --> 00:18:23,144
Love as if your life
depends on it?

494
00:18:23,228 --> 00:18:27,190
I'll say yes. Not always,
I should try harder, but yes.

495
00:18:27,273 --> 00:18:28,274
Good.

496
00:18:28,358 --> 00:18:30,401
- I'm next. Little Miss Blue.
- Mm.

497
00:18:30,485 --> 00:18:32,403
"Be thoughtful. Be thin."

498
00:18:32,487 --> 00:18:34,089
Oh, young Petra, you bitch.

499
00:18:34,113 --> 00:18:35,740
Keep reading.

500
00:18:35,824 --> 00:18:37,659
"Cherish your parents,
cherish your children,

501
00:18:37,742 --> 00:18:40,203
cherish your friends,
and please be happy." Aw.

502
00:18:40,286 --> 00:18:41,329
- That's sweet.
- Yeah.

503
00:18:41,412 --> 00:18:43,873
Sorry, young me.
You weren't a bitch.

504
00:18:43,957 --> 00:18:45,083
Here's me.

505
00:18:45,166 --> 00:18:48,837
"Read <i>Don Quixote</i>
in the original Spanish"?

506
00:18:48,920 --> 00:18:50,400
Oh, God, I never
even learned Spanish.

507
00:18:50,463 --> 00:18:52,006
What else?

508
00:18:52,090 --> 00:18:53,341
Just a long, obnoxious list

509
00:18:53,424 --> 00:18:55,760
of other books to read
in various languages.

510
00:18:55,844 --> 00:18:59,389
And I end with "Most Sincerely,
Your Younger You."

511
00:18:59,472 --> 00:19:00,598
- Mm.
- Kiki?

512
00:19:00,682 --> 00:19:02,392
Okay. "Work
for seven years,

513
00:19:02,475 --> 00:19:03,977
save money, travel
for six months,

514
00:19:04,060 --> 00:19:06,062
then get married
and have some kids."

515
00:19:06,145 --> 00:19:07,605
Okay, I did not do that.

516
00:19:07,689 --> 00:19:09,041
- You had some kids.
- And then some.

517
00:19:09,065 --> 00:19:10,942
And that's where the story ends.

518
00:19:11,025 --> 00:19:12,026
Midge?

519
00:19:12,110 --> 00:19:14,612
All right, here I go.

520
00:19:14,696 --> 00:19:17,240
What's it say?

521
00:19:17,323 --> 00:19:18,324
"Don't."

522
00:19:18,408 --> 00:19:19,534
- Don't?
- Don't what?

523
00:19:19,617 --> 00:19:21,786
That's it. Just "Don't."

524
00:19:21,870 --> 00:19:23,288
Did you not finish the sentence?

525
00:19:23,371 --> 00:19:25,391
No, I added an exclamation
point and underlined it twice.

526
00:19:25,415 --> 00:19:28,835
Let me see that. "Don't." Weird.

527
00:19:28,918 --> 00:19:30,044
What did you mean?

528
00:19:30,128 --> 00:19:31,880
- No clue.
- Do you remember writing this?

529
00:19:31,963 --> 00:19:33,649
- Nope.
- Maybe it was "Don't hurt anyone."

530
00:19:33,673 --> 00:19:34,591
Something like that.

531
00:19:34,674 --> 00:19:35,834
Then why didn't I write that?

532
00:19:35,884 --> 00:19:37,236
I know what
it was, Midge.

533
00:19:37,260 --> 00:19:38,779
You were going to wear
that purple dress

534
00:19:38,803 --> 00:19:40,847
to the senior formal but
you knew deep down not to.

535
00:19:40,930 --> 00:19:42,682
"Don't." And you didn't.

536
00:19:42,765 --> 00:19:43,975
I don't think that was it.

537
00:19:44,058 --> 00:19:45,995
I think it was something
like "Don't miss out."

538
00:19:46,019 --> 00:19:47,395
Don't miss out on living life.

539
00:19:47,478 --> 00:19:48,873
- And, my God, you haven't.
- That's so true.

540
00:19:48,897 --> 00:19:51,190
All the amazing things
you've gotten to do, Midge?

541
00:19:51,274 --> 00:19:53,252
- You've done more than any of us.
- Combined.

542
00:19:53,276 --> 00:19:54,670
And just think of all
the stories you'll have

543
00:19:54,694 --> 00:19:56,088
to tell your children
when they grow up.

544
00:19:56,112 --> 00:19:57,339
And your grandchildren.

545
00:19:57,363 --> 00:19:59,657
Once you're settled,
remarried, happy,

546
00:19:59,741 --> 00:20:02,011
you'll always be able to look
back on this amazing chapter

547
00:20:02,035 --> 00:20:04,329
and say "I did that."

548
00:20:04,412 --> 00:20:08,541
Yeah. It's been
an amazing chapter.

549
00:20:08,625 --> 00:20:11,127
Oh, wait, there's more on mine.

550
00:20:11,210 --> 00:20:13,212
"Swing by the Piggly Wiggly
after graduation."

551
00:20:13,296 --> 00:20:15,506
Goddamn it, I could
have been Mrs. Dee.

552
00:20:20,678 --> 00:20:21,804
Whoops!

553
00:20:21,888 --> 00:20:23,598
Tammy, creepers, you
almost put my eye out.

554
00:20:23,681 --> 00:20:26,267
- Sorry.
- You're supposed to throw 'em underhand.

555
00:20:26,351 --> 00:20:28,329
And you're not supposed
to try to catch them, Petra.

556
00:20:28,353 --> 00:20:30,146
I'm not playing anymore.

557
00:20:30,229 --> 00:20:33,066
- I've got to go.
- Me, too.

558
00:20:33,149 --> 00:20:35,401
So, let's pledge
it won't be ten years

559
00:20:35,485 --> 00:20:37,421
- before our next game of drunken lawn darts?
- Yes.

560
00:20:37,445 --> 00:20:39,072
- Absolutely.
- Bye.

561
00:20:40,740 --> 00:20:42,867
- Bye.
- Bye.

562
00:20:44,327 --> 00:20:48,247
<i>♪ When the Swiss boy
goes calling ♪</i>

563
00:20:48,331 --> 00:20:51,376
<i>♪ On a Swiss miss in June ♪</i>

564
00:20:51,459 --> 00:20:52,919
- Bye.
- Bye.

565
00:20:53,002 --> 00:20:57,048
<i>♪ Toolie oolie doolie doo ♪</i>

566
00:20:57,131 --> 00:21:01,302
<i>♪ And make your dreams
come true ♪♪</i>

567
00:21:06,432 --> 00:21:09,602
And it's confirmed.
Doubly. Triply.

568
00:21:09,686 --> 00:21:10,770
100%.

569
00:21:10,853 --> 00:21:12,623
- Through my wife? Through Hedy?
- Through Hedy.

570
00:21:12,647 --> 00:21:14,816
- Is she still here?
- Saw her downstairs a minute ago.

571
00:21:16,025 --> 00:21:17,694
Hedy!

572
00:21:20,279 --> 00:21:22,031
Hedy, you stop right there!

573
00:21:22,115 --> 00:21:23,741
Yes, sir.

574
00:21:24,951 --> 00:21:27,620
- What the hell?
- This can't be good.

575
00:21:29,664 --> 00:21:31,374
Goddamn it, Hedy.

576
00:21:32,875 --> 00:21:34,919
Goddamn it.

577
00:21:36,587 --> 00:21:38,006
- Aw.
- Whoo!

578
00:21:38,089 --> 00:21:39,173
I stand corrected.

579
00:21:39,257 --> 00:21:40,925
I do not understand
their marriage.

580
00:21:41,009 --> 00:21:42,468
Okay, listen up, guys.

581
00:21:42,552 --> 00:21:43,872
You all know
that a certain member

582
00:21:43,928 --> 00:21:45,138
of the British Royal family

583
00:21:45,221 --> 00:21:47,056
has been on an extended tour
of North America.

584
00:21:47,140 --> 00:21:49,809
And you also know that
every major media outlet

585
00:21:49,892 --> 00:21:51,269
from San Diego to Newfoundland's

586
00:21:51,352 --> 00:21:53,021
been trying to book
an interview.

587
00:21:53,104 --> 00:21:54,689
Well, we just got
the fucking interview.

588
00:21:54,772 --> 00:21:56,649
Tonight, Princess Margaret

589
00:21:56,733 --> 00:21:59,027
will be on our show
for the full hour.

590
00:22:02,655 --> 00:22:06,200
This woman, this woman here,
pulled strings,

591
00:22:06,284 --> 00:22:08,911
flattered egos, called in
chits, and sweet-talked

592
00:22:08,995 --> 00:22:11,164
the supercilious ponces
that surround the princess

593
00:22:11,247 --> 00:22:15,126
and pulled off a miracle on the
order of loaves and fishes.

594
00:22:15,209 --> 00:22:16,419
Applaud for her now.

595
00:22:18,254 --> 00:22:21,466
He graciously left out all
the dirty things I did.

596
00:22:22,633 --> 00:22:24,343
Now, it's all hands
on deck, people.

597
00:22:24,427 --> 00:22:25,344
A lot's coming down
the pike really quick,

598
00:22:25,428 --> 00:22:26,804
starting with British security,

599
00:22:26,888 --> 00:22:29,033
so if you've stashed any muskets
or tea in your offices,

600
00:22:29,057 --> 00:22:30,224
remove 'em now.

601
00:22:30,308 --> 00:22:32,148
Mike, a lot of this is
landing on you, partner.

602
00:22:32,185 --> 00:22:33,102
- You ready to run?
- Hell yeah.

603
00:22:33,186 --> 00:22:34,413
I need the research team
to supply me

604
00:22:34,437 --> 00:22:36,165
with all things Margaret
and get me as much about

605
00:22:36,189 --> 00:22:37,875
- what she's done on this tour so I'm caught up.
- All right.

606
00:22:37,899 --> 00:22:39,918
I'll run point on this, guys.
Get stuff to me by 2:00.

607
00:22:39,942 --> 00:22:41,402
Alvin, guys, her team
says she wants

608
00:22:41,486 --> 00:22:43,237
to do some sort
of comedy skit with me.

609
00:22:43,321 --> 00:22:45,424
- You're kidding.
- They say she doesn't want to come off stiff,

610
00:22:45,448 --> 00:22:47,568
so go to town, come up with
as many pitches as you can

611
00:22:47,617 --> 00:22:49,911
to make her funny and bring
'em up to Mike and me ASAP.

612
00:22:49,994 --> 00:22:52,014
- You got it.
- And tailor the monologue to the Royal Family.

613
00:22:52,038 --> 00:22:53,557
Make it funny but treat
them with respect.

614
00:22:53,581 --> 00:22:56,834
Ah, but poke fun at 'em, too.

615
00:22:56,918 --> 00:22:58,103
You know, keep it edgy.
Keep it Ford.

616
00:22:58,127 --> 00:23:00,129
But not too edgy.
But it's got to be funny.

617
00:23:00,213 --> 00:23:02,256
But not funny in a mean way.

618
00:23:02,340 --> 00:23:03,358
Gordon, please,
you'll pull something.

619
00:23:03,382 --> 00:23:04,592
Let 'em do their thing.

620
00:23:04,675 --> 00:23:06,302
Funny but not mean.
We got it, boss.

621
00:23:06,385 --> 00:23:08,054
All right.

622
00:23:08,137 --> 00:23:10,598
And now my morning
just got even better.

623
00:23:10,681 --> 00:23:12,975
Jane Jacobs, what an absolute
thrill to meet you.

624
00:23:13,059 --> 00:23:14,393
Hello, Gordon.

625
00:23:14,477 --> 00:23:16,187
Guys, this is the woman
who single-handedly

626
00:23:16,270 --> 00:23:18,189
stopped Robert Moses from
running a goddamn road

627
00:23:18,272 --> 00:23:20,032
through the middle
of Washington Square Park.

628
00:23:20,066 --> 00:23:21,293
Jane, my first time in New York,

629
00:23:21,317 --> 00:23:22,902
my parents took me to that park.

630
00:23:22,985 --> 00:23:26,906
My God, there were jugglers,
musicians, that fountain,

631
00:23:26,989 --> 00:23:29,117
a bunch of weirdos,
it was magical.

632
00:23:29,200 --> 00:23:31,911
I knew then I had
to live here, work here.

633
00:23:31,994 --> 00:23:33,496
Jane, you didn't
just save a park,

634
00:23:33,579 --> 00:23:35,331
you saved a memory.

635
00:23:35,414 --> 00:23:36,749
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

636
00:23:36,833 --> 00:23:37,917
Got to bump you tonight.

637
00:23:38,000 --> 00:23:39,186
I'll call you when
we got a hole to fill.

638
00:23:39,210 --> 00:23:40,503
Let's do this, Mike.

639
00:23:40,586 --> 00:23:41,879
Okay.

640
00:23:41,963 --> 00:23:44,507
So that was
the mysterious Hedy, huh?

641
00:23:44,590 --> 00:23:45,883
She pops up every now and then.

642
00:23:45,967 --> 00:23:47,176
The <i>Brigadoon</i> wife.

643
00:23:47,260 --> 00:23:49,262
Okay, so who, like me,
knows absolutely

644
00:23:49,345 --> 00:23:50,625
nothing about Princess Margaret?

645
00:23:50,680 --> 00:23:52,520
- She's the queen's sister.
- I know that much.

646
00:23:52,557 --> 00:23:54,201
- She's had affairs.
- We can't do affairs.

647
00:23:54,225 --> 00:23:56,078
- She drinks tea?
- She calls soccer "football"?

648
00:23:56,102 --> 00:23:57,895
She talks
like this.

649
00:23:57,979 --> 00:23:59,206
So we're fucked, is that
what you're telling me?

650
00:23:59,230 --> 00:24:00,439
The show's in seven hours.

651
00:24:00,523 --> 00:24:01,899
Uh, excuse me, fellas.

652
00:24:01,983 --> 00:24:03,860
You happen to have
a resident expert here.

653
00:24:03,943 --> 00:24:05,862
Really? Midge to the rescue.

654
00:24:05,945 --> 00:24:07,864
I love her. She's brassy.

655
00:24:07,947 --> 00:24:10,116
Unencumbered by the crown.
Kind of sexy.

656
00:24:10,199 --> 00:24:11,718
Sounds a little like
Ralph's impression.

657
00:24:11,742 --> 00:24:12,970
- Can she be funny?
- In a skit?

658
00:24:12,994 --> 00:24:14,412
I've got a couple ideas.

659
00:24:14,495 --> 00:24:16,431
I'll work on those while you
guys do the monologue. Deal?

660
00:24:16,455 --> 00:24:18,749
- Deal.
- Okay, guys, 20 in one.

661
00:24:18,833 --> 00:24:20,793
Shit.

662
00:24:20,877 --> 00:24:21,794
Sorry, Alvin.

663
00:24:21,878 --> 00:24:25,006
Okay, guys. 20 in one.

664
00:24:26,799 --> 00:24:28,217
That was funny.

665
00:24:30,595 --> 00:24:32,638
Tip-top and cheerio.

666
00:24:32,722 --> 00:24:34,765
It's <i>The Gordon Ford Show.</i>

667
00:24:37,185 --> 00:24:38,728
Tonight's very special guest,

668
00:24:38,811 --> 00:24:41,480
for the full hour,
Her Royal Highness,

669
00:24:41,564 --> 00:24:43,149
the Countess of Snowden,

670
00:24:43,232 --> 00:24:45,651
Princess Margaret of Britain!

671
00:24:45,735 --> 00:24:47,195
Princess Margaret?

672
00:24:47,278 --> 00:24:48,529
What a score!

673
00:24:51,824 --> 00:24:53,826
Hey, guys.
Here again, huh?

674
00:24:53,910 --> 00:24:55,888
One of the writers said
we were such good laughers,

675
00:24:55,912 --> 00:24:57,413
he gave us an open invite
to the show.

676
00:24:57,496 --> 00:24:59,123
So we plan to be here
every night.

677
00:24:59,207 --> 00:25:01,334
Terrific. Which writer?

678
00:25:01,417 --> 00:25:03,312
I don't know that you two
would have ever crossed paths.

679
00:25:03,336 --> 00:25:05,189
- But could you point him out?
- Oh, shh-shh... shh.

680
00:25:05,213 --> 00:25:06,756
Good evening,
everybody.

681
00:25:06,839 --> 00:25:08,633
You heard right,
we have real, living

682
00:25:08,716 --> 00:25:10,356
and breathing royalty
on the show tonight.

683
00:25:10,384 --> 00:25:12,720
Yes, Princess Margaret.

684
00:25:12,803 --> 00:25:14,889
Now, you may see some

685
00:25:14,972 --> 00:25:17,767
sinister-looking men in suits
around the studio today.

686
00:25:17,850 --> 00:25:20,519
Some of them are Princess
Margaret's security detail

687
00:25:20,603 --> 00:25:22,480
and some of them are my agents.

688
00:25:22,563 --> 00:25:25,066
Hey, you get chummy with my in-laws?

689
00:25:25,149 --> 00:25:26,317
This sounds accusatory.

690
00:25:26,400 --> 00:25:28,086
George Bernard Shaw said
that Britain and America

691
00:25:28,110 --> 00:25:31,239
are two countries separated
by a common language.

692
00:25:31,322 --> 00:25:33,491
I observe we're
also separated by an ocean.

693
00:25:33,574 --> 00:25:35,093
Why do I never get the
accolades that Shaw gets?

694
00:25:36,369 --> 00:25:37,411
Unfair.

695
00:25:37,495 --> 00:25:38,972
And you know they
have different words

696
00:25:38,996 --> 00:25:40,414
for everything in the UK.

697
00:25:40,498 --> 00:25:42,124
They call an elevator a lift.

698
00:25:42,208 --> 00:25:44,085
They call an apartment a flat.

699
00:25:44,168 --> 00:25:46,629
And today I learned
they actually call me

700
00:25:46,712 --> 00:25:48,941
"I'm sorry, I don't believe
I've ever heard of you before."

701
00:26:04,647 --> 00:26:07,358
Hey, everybody, we're back
with Princess Margaret.

702
00:26:07,441 --> 00:26:09,402
So, Your Royal Highness,
we're always fascinated

703
00:26:09,485 --> 00:26:11,570
by the domestic routine
of the Royal Family.

704
00:26:11,654 --> 00:26:12,738
Now, you're a newlywed.

705
00:26:14,365 --> 00:26:16,826
I'm wondering,
what's dinner for you?

706
00:26:16,909 --> 00:26:18,160
Do you cook?

707
00:26:18,244 --> 00:26:19,804
Oh, yes, I do cook,
I'm a fabulous cook,

708
00:26:19,829 --> 00:26:20,997
I cook every day.

709
00:26:21,080 --> 00:26:22,957
It's one of two things
I'm most skilled at.

710
00:26:23,040 --> 00:26:24,834
- What's the other?
- Lying.

711
00:26:26,836 --> 00:26:28,129
So you have cooks.

712
00:26:28,212 --> 00:26:29,922
I believe our cooks have cooks.

713
00:26:31,382 --> 00:26:32,734
Now, I would
imagine that as a member

714
00:26:32,758 --> 00:26:34,510
of the Royal Family,
there isn't much

715
00:26:34,593 --> 00:26:35,862
that you haven't
been able to do.

716
00:26:35,886 --> 00:26:37,531
- Is that true?
- No, Gordon, it's not.

717
00:26:37,555 --> 00:26:38,848
I've always had this dream

718
00:26:38,931 --> 00:26:41,058
that has, up till now,
gone unfulfilled.

719
00:26:41,142 --> 00:26:42,476
Interesting.
What is it?

720
00:26:42,560 --> 00:26:44,687
I've always wanted to do
a live weather report

721
00:26:44,770 --> 00:26:45,896
on American television.

722
00:26:47,523 --> 00:26:49,817
As luck would have it,
it's time for

723
00:26:49,900 --> 00:26:53,404
<i>The Gordon Ford Show</i>
nightly weather report.

724
00:26:53,487 --> 00:26:55,072
Funny coincidence, that.

725
00:26:55,156 --> 00:26:56,824
Now, would you like
to do it in my stead,

726
00:26:56,907 --> 00:26:58,367
maybe fulfill
that dream of yours?

727
00:26:58,451 --> 00:26:59,493
I'd be delighted.

728
00:26:59,577 --> 00:27:00,494
Please.

729
00:27:06,959 --> 00:27:09,045
All right, you're all set,
Your Royal Highness.

730
00:27:09,128 --> 00:27:10,254
Thank you.

731
00:27:10,338 --> 00:27:11,505
Good evening, America.

732
00:27:11,589 --> 00:27:14,008
This is Gordon Ford
with tonight's forecast.

733
00:27:14,091 --> 00:27:16,635
That card is wrong,
I am not Gordon Ford.

734
00:27:16,719 --> 00:27:19,263
Well, this was all
so spontaneous and impulsive,

735
00:27:19,347 --> 00:27:20,890
we had no time
to change the cue cards.

736
00:27:20,973 --> 00:27:22,975
Well, we are not amused.

737
00:27:23,059 --> 00:27:24,393
Well, we are
very sorry.

738
00:27:24,477 --> 00:27:27,688
On Tuesday, there will be lots
and lots of sunshine.

739
00:27:27,772 --> 00:27:29,231
What is that? "Sunshine"?

740
00:27:29,315 --> 00:27:31,859
Oh, well, it's where the sun
is out all day,

741
00:27:31,942 --> 00:27:33,152
unimpeded by clouds.

742
00:27:33,235 --> 00:27:35,112
I still have no idea
what you're talking about.

743
00:27:36,572 --> 00:27:39,367
Out in the Rockaways, surf
conditions will be epic.

744
00:27:39,450 --> 00:27:43,079
All you Gidgets and kooks should
expect some gnarly slides

745
00:27:43,162 --> 00:27:46,957
as you hang ten and snake
those Jersey shoobies.

746
00:27:48,709 --> 00:27:49,978
It's almost like you
and your writers

747
00:27:50,002 --> 00:27:51,670
just wanted to hear me
say those words.

748
00:27:52,880 --> 00:27:54,358
Well, that's impossible,
because we had no idea

749
00:27:54,382 --> 00:27:55,841
you were going
to do the forecast.

750
00:27:55,925 --> 00:27:57,802
Excuse me, what are
you doing there?

751
00:27:57,885 --> 00:28:00,554
Just marking which states
our army should reinvade first.

752
00:28:02,098 --> 00:28:04,117
Oh, not Massachusetts.
I have family there.

753
00:28:04,141 --> 00:28:07,520
Oh, so do I, and they still
owe taxes on their tea.

754
00:28:08,729 --> 00:28:10,648
Fine, take Massachusetts.

755
00:28:13,192 --> 00:28:14,485
- Salud.
- Salud.

756
00:28:14,568 --> 00:28:15,861
To a great night, team.

757
00:28:15,945 --> 00:28:17,947
God, she killed.
I mean, the princess killed.

758
00:28:18,030 --> 00:28:19,716
Damn, I'd love to see
the look on Paar's face

759
00:28:19,740 --> 00:28:21,134
when he sees all
the press tomorrow.

760
00:28:21,158 --> 00:28:22,638
Did you hear who
he had on against us?

761
00:28:22,701 --> 00:28:24,245
Kukla, Fran and Ollie.

762
00:28:24,328 --> 00:28:26,330
Puppets. He had puppets.

763
00:28:26,414 --> 00:28:28,308
And I heard you could see
the goddamn puppeteer's arm

764
00:28:28,332 --> 00:28:29,452
sticking out of Kukla's ass.

765
00:28:29,500 --> 00:28:31,001
Poor Kukla.

766
00:28:31,085 --> 00:28:33,212
Oh, this is our Emmy, guys.
I can feel it.

767
00:28:33,295 --> 00:28:34,839
This had the weight,
this had the edge.

768
00:28:34,922 --> 00:28:36,191
We got to get the network
into a campaign.

769
00:28:36,215 --> 00:28:37,216
First thing tomorrow.

770
00:28:37,299 --> 00:28:38,652
You know
the news department called?

771
00:28:38,676 --> 00:28:40,219
They are gobsmacked
that we got her.

772
00:28:40,302 --> 00:28:41,971
Huntley and Brinkley
are humiliated.

773
00:28:42,054 --> 00:28:43,597
Oh, God, that makes me so happy.

774
00:28:43,681 --> 00:28:45,641
Eddie, drinks for
the whole house.

775
00:28:45,724 --> 00:28:46,934
Every person in here.

776
00:28:48,769 --> 00:28:49,979
We did it.

777
00:28:50,062 --> 00:28:52,731
Got to spend a penny.
Maybe a nickel.

778
00:28:52,815 --> 00:28:54,191
Keep the change, please.

779
00:28:56,819 --> 00:28:57,736
Hello.

780
00:28:57,820 --> 00:28:59,780
Oh. Hello.

781
00:28:59,864 --> 00:29:01,657
- I'm Hedy Ford.
- I know.

782
00:29:01,740 --> 00:29:03,020
It's nice to officially
meet you.

783
00:29:03,075 --> 00:29:04,493
- Midge Maisel.
- I know.

784
00:29:04,577 --> 00:29:07,371
I've been wanting to meet you
for quite some time.

785
00:29:07,455 --> 00:29:09,957
Gordon's first lady writer.

786
00:29:10,040 --> 00:29:11,250
First of many, perhaps.

787
00:29:12,543 --> 00:29:15,754
Oh, sure, things will be
completely different now.

788
00:29:20,134 --> 00:29:21,510
The princess was
extremely pleased

789
00:29:21,594 --> 00:29:22,636
with how it went tonight.

790
00:29:22,720 --> 00:29:24,638
"Chuffed" was the word she used.

791
00:29:24,722 --> 00:29:26,599
She killed. We were just saying.

792
00:29:26,682 --> 00:29:28,410
She's not sure her sister's
going to be too thrilled,

793
00:29:28,434 --> 00:29:30,144
which seemed to amuse
Margaret even more.

794
00:29:30,227 --> 00:29:31,770
What would it have all been for

795
00:29:31,854 --> 00:29:33,606
if we didn't ruffle
the queen's feathers?

796
00:29:33,689 --> 00:29:35,608
I understand you wrote
the weather report bit.

797
00:29:35,691 --> 00:29:38,027
I came up with the concept.
The boys helped make it funny.

798
00:29:38,110 --> 00:29:39,862
- Don't.
- What?

799
00:29:39,945 --> 00:29:41,322
Don't.

800
00:29:41,405 --> 00:29:42,865
- Okay.
- If the credit's yours,

801
00:29:42,948 --> 00:29:45,451
take it. If it's not, take it.
That's what the boys do.

802
00:29:46,744 --> 00:29:49,413
Okay. Well, yeah.

803
00:29:49,497 --> 00:29:50,497
The bit was mine.

804
00:29:50,539 --> 00:29:53,167
Good. I'll be seeing you.

805
00:29:53,250 --> 00:29:57,129
Oh, hey, how long have you
been working with Susan?

806
00:29:57,213 --> 00:29:58,339
Susan?

807
00:29:58,422 --> 00:30:00,674
Myerson. She's your
manager, isn't she?

808
00:30:00,758 --> 00:30:05,095
Ah, Susie. Uh, going on
three years now.

809
00:30:05,179 --> 00:30:06,597
I was her first client.

810
00:30:06,680 --> 00:30:08,265
I bet she's done well by you.

811
00:30:08,349 --> 00:30:09,600
She's always been tenacious.

812
00:30:09,683 --> 00:30:11,143
A real fighter.

813
00:30:11,227 --> 00:30:14,313
I know, I've had to hold
her back from a few.

814
00:30:14,396 --> 00:30:16,899
I-I'm still catching up here.
H-How do you know her?

815
00:30:16,982 --> 00:30:18,901
Pembroke, class of '48.
We were roommates.

816
00:30:18,984 --> 00:30:20,736
She never mentioned that.

817
00:30:20,819 --> 00:30:23,739
Well... you know Susan.

818
00:30:23,822 --> 00:30:27,535
- Yes. I know Susan.
- Hedy!

819
00:30:27,618 --> 00:30:32,581
Coming. He worries when I talk
to writers. And architects.

820
00:30:32,665 --> 00:30:34,458
Keep up the good work.

821
00:30:34,542 --> 00:30:36,418
And with Susan in your corner,

822
00:30:36,502 --> 00:30:38,295
I'd say you're going
places, cutie.

823
00:30:38,379 --> 00:30:42,049
- See you.
- Yes. See you.

824
00:30:45,553 --> 00:30:46,762
- There she is.
- Hey.

825
00:30:46,845 --> 00:30:48,430
- Miss me?
- No.

826
00:31:02,194 --> 00:31:06,365
Hey, what the hell
are you doing here?

827
00:31:06,448 --> 00:31:09,410
Dinah gave me your train info.
You were in Baltimore?

828
00:31:09,493 --> 00:31:10,995
Had to hold James's hand a bit.

829
00:31:11,078 --> 00:31:12,997
We had a little
miscommunication.

830
00:31:13,080 --> 00:31:14,349
- What are you...
- You know Hedy Ford?

831
00:31:14,373 --> 00:31:16,208
What are you talking about?

832
00:31:16,292 --> 00:31:19,295
You knew her when she
was Hedy... Not-Ford.

833
00:31:19,378 --> 00:31:21,297
- You met Hedy?
- She came up to me at the bar,

834
00:31:21,380 --> 00:31:23,048
told me you were
friends in college.

835
00:31:23,132 --> 00:31:24,133
We weren't friends.

836
00:31:24,216 --> 00:31:25,718
She says you were roommates.

837
00:31:25,801 --> 00:31:26,885
Maybe.

838
00:31:26,969 --> 00:31:29,179
Maybe you were roommates?
You didn't notice?

839
00:31:29,263 --> 00:31:30,532
There were like ten,
20 to a room.

840
00:31:30,556 --> 00:31:33,142
- Susie.
- College is big, okay?

841
00:31:33,225 --> 00:31:35,120
You can't know everyone
you went to college with.

842
00:31:35,144 --> 00:31:36,604
She calls you Susan.

843
00:31:36,687 --> 00:31:38,188
No one calls you Susan.

844
00:31:38,272 --> 00:31:41,317
What is this, an ambush?

845
00:31:41,400 --> 00:31:42,985
I'm tired.
Can we talk in the morning?

846
00:31:43,068 --> 00:31:44,403
Why didn't you tell me?

847
00:31:44,486 --> 00:31:46,739
I don't tell you about
everybody I've met in my life.

848
00:31:46,822 --> 00:31:47,823
Stop it.

849
00:31:51,118 --> 00:31:53,245
I knew her a little, okay?

850
00:31:53,329 --> 00:31:55,223
And you didn't think it
was worth maybe mentioning

851
00:31:55,247 --> 00:31:57,708
that you knew my boss's
very influential wife,

852
00:31:57,791 --> 00:31:59,084
even a little?

853
00:31:59,168 --> 00:32:01,211
Hey, don't believe anything
she said to you, okay?

854
00:32:01,295 --> 00:32:02,588
Was she bad-mouthing me?

855
00:32:02,671 --> 00:32:04,506
She said you were tenacious.

856
00:32:04,590 --> 00:32:06,693
Well, she's getting her money's
worth on that English degree.

857
00:32:06,717 --> 00:32:08,093
And that you were a fighter.

858
00:32:08,177 --> 00:32:09,779
Anyone who's ever walked
into the Gaslight knows that.

859
00:32:09,803 --> 00:32:12,473
So fight for me, Susie.

860
00:32:12,556 --> 00:32:13,724
Talk to her.

861
00:32:13,807 --> 00:32:15,809
- Wait a minute.
- She has sway with Gordon.

862
00:32:15,893 --> 00:32:17,770
More than anyone,
more than Mike Carr,

863
00:32:17,853 --> 00:32:19,730
- she's our way in.
- No.

864
00:32:19,813 --> 00:32:22,066
Tell her to tell Gordon
to book me.

865
00:32:22,149 --> 00:32:24,943
We don't need her, okay?
I got this.

866
00:32:25,027 --> 00:32:26,320
How have you "got" this?

867
00:32:26,403 --> 00:32:27,613
I got this.

868
00:32:27,696 --> 00:32:29,948
That's how I got this.
We are making progress.

869
00:32:30,032 --> 00:32:31,533
Toward what, another brick wall?

870
00:32:31,617 --> 00:32:32,701
That is not fair.

871
00:32:32,785 --> 00:32:33,785
It's not.

872
00:32:33,827 --> 00:32:35,621
You've worked
your ass off, Susie,

873
00:32:35,704 --> 00:32:37,081
and I've done
everything you said.

874
00:32:37,164 --> 00:32:39,833
I-I've stayed sharp.
I've been a good soldier,

875
00:32:39,917 --> 00:32:43,003
I bat a thousand at work
every day, and he notices.

876
00:32:43,087 --> 00:32:45,631
It would make so much sense
for him to give me a shot,

877
00:32:45,714 --> 00:32:47,549
but he will not be moved.

878
00:32:47,633 --> 00:32:49,885
That fucking brick wall
keeps hitting us both

879
00:32:49,968 --> 00:32:51,011
smack in the face.

880
00:32:51,095 --> 00:32:52,137
It's two steps forward,

881
00:32:52,221 --> 00:32:54,890
three steps back,
and I'm tired of it.

882
00:32:54,973 --> 00:32:56,642
So am I.

883
00:32:56,725 --> 00:32:58,268
But what do you do
about the Gordons

884
00:32:58,352 --> 00:33:00,187
and the Petes
and all the fucking men

885
00:33:00,270 --> 00:33:01,730
that run the fucking world?

886
00:33:01,814 --> 00:33:03,482
You go around them.

887
00:33:03,565 --> 00:33:06,777
You use whatever you can
and you stop at nothing.

888
00:33:06,860 --> 00:33:09,196
Guess who taught me that.

889
00:33:09,279 --> 00:33:13,492
This is not enough,
do you understand?

890
00:33:13,575 --> 00:33:15,661
Call me selfish,
but I want more.

891
00:33:15,744 --> 00:33:18,664
This, what we're doing,

892
00:33:18,747 --> 00:33:20,225
what these last three years
have been,

893
00:33:20,249 --> 00:33:22,584
this is not a story
to tell my grandchildren.

894
00:33:22,668 --> 00:33:23,794
This is not just a chapter.

895
00:33:23,877 --> 00:33:25,963
Who said it was just a chapter?

896
00:33:26,046 --> 00:33:27,381
You stormed into a bathhouse

897
00:33:27,464 --> 00:33:30,050
- and hopped over dicks to get James that movie.
- Yeah?

898
00:33:30,134 --> 00:33:32,803
Well, I want you to hop
over dicks for me.

899
00:33:32,886 --> 00:33:35,639
Oh, I have hopped over plenty
of dicks for you, Missy.

900
00:33:35,723 --> 00:33:37,891
For three years, I've done
nothing but hop over dicks.

901
00:33:37,975 --> 00:33:39,601
Well, you got one more
dick to hop over.

902
00:33:39,685 --> 00:33:40,894
Talk to Hedy.

903
00:33:40,978 --> 00:33:43,021
- No.
- Why?

904
00:33:43,105 --> 00:33:45,941
Just stop and think, okay?

905
00:33:46,024 --> 00:33:48,110
Do you really want to make it
by having me call in

906
00:33:48,193 --> 00:33:49,953
a favor to some chick
I went to college with?

907
00:33:49,987 --> 00:33:52,906
Yes. Of course.
Have you not been listening?

908
00:33:52,990 --> 00:33:54,300
After all the hard work
you've done?

909
00:33:54,324 --> 00:33:55,719
This is how you want
to get your break?

910
00:33:55,743 --> 00:33:56,910
Oh, my God, yes.

911
00:33:56,994 --> 00:33:58,537
Who cares how it happens?

912
00:33:58,620 --> 00:34:00,164
Look, picture yourself
in ten years.

913
00:34:00,247 --> 00:34:02,499
You are a big star,
you're on a talk show,

914
00:34:02,583 --> 00:34:04,877
and the guy asks you
how you got your start.

915
00:34:04,960 --> 00:34:06,545
You don't want to say
you had to call in

916
00:34:06,628 --> 00:34:08,005
a favor from your manager.

917
00:34:08,088 --> 00:34:10,799
I'm not going to be on that
show if you don't do this.

918
00:34:12,301 --> 00:34:14,344
This is it, Susie.

919
00:34:14,428 --> 00:34:16,638
Talk to her.

920
00:34:19,516 --> 00:34:21,286
If you don't, I'll always
know there's something

921
00:34:21,310 --> 00:34:22,936
you could've done
and you didn't.

922
00:34:23,020 --> 00:34:24,938
And honestly?

923
00:34:25,939 --> 00:34:28,692
I don't know where
we go from there.

924
00:34:42,790 --> 00:34:44,708
Thank you.

925
00:34:49,880 --> 00:34:51,316
Arthur, you're gonna have
some wine, aren't you?

926
00:34:51,340 --> 00:34:52,901
Of course I'm going to.
If you pour it, I'll...

927
00:34:52,925 --> 00:34:55,093
- Gabe.
- Abe.

928
00:34:55,177 --> 00:34:56,279
- You know Arthur?
- Hi, Abe.

929
00:34:56,303 --> 00:34:57,221
- Arthur.
- This is Henry.

930
00:34:57,304 --> 00:34:58,680
- Pleasure.
- Henry.

931
00:34:58,764 --> 00:35:00,575
We've been debating what to
drink for ten minutes now.

932
00:35:00,599 --> 00:35:02,684
You're debating, I'm drinking.

933
00:35:02,768 --> 00:35:04,078
Doesn't count if
you brought it from home.

934
00:35:04,102 --> 00:35:05,938
Ha ha. I didn't.

935
00:35:06,021 --> 00:35:07,999
- I figured as much.
- Can you recommend a red wine

936
00:35:08,023 --> 00:35:11,026
without using the words
"tannic" or "fruit-forward"?

937
00:35:11,109 --> 00:35:12,736
Henry, don't torture
the young man.

938
00:35:12,820 --> 00:35:14,238
Abe, are you in for some red?

939
00:35:14,321 --> 00:35:16,382
I think I'll skip. I have
a lot of work to do tomorrow.

940
00:35:16,406 --> 00:35:19,159
Abe, the <i>Village Voice</i> does not
encourage employee sobriety.

941
00:35:19,243 --> 00:35:21,745
In fact, it thrives on
its employee's crapulence.

942
00:35:21,829 --> 00:35:23,705
Now drink, damn it,
or you are fired.

943
00:35:23,789 --> 00:35:26,750
An underused word,
"crapulence." For a reason.

944
00:35:26,834 --> 00:35:29,127
There's a hostile mood
at this table tonight.

945
00:35:29,211 --> 00:35:31,171
Wine is good. Wine is fine.

946
00:35:31,255 --> 00:35:32,315
We'll have
this Bordeaux here,

947
00:35:32,339 --> 00:35:33,632
the '56 Château Margaux.

948
00:35:33,715 --> 00:35:35,592
Very good, sir.
That's an acidic wine,

949
00:35:35,676 --> 00:35:37,010
a bit angular for some.

950
00:35:37,094 --> 00:35:38,679
Are you trying to kill me?

951
00:35:38,762 --> 00:35:40,305
Bring the wine
and I will muzzle Henry.

952
00:35:40,389 --> 00:35:41,807
Stop it, Henry.

953
00:35:41,890 --> 00:35:44,226
- What?
- Really, I'll have you removed.

954
00:35:44,309 --> 00:35:45,602
I sold my place in the Hamptons.

955
00:35:45,686 --> 00:35:46,937
The Montauk spread? When?

956
00:35:47,020 --> 00:35:48,564
Last year. I was tired
of the upkeep,

957
00:35:48,647 --> 00:35:49,982
and the property values
out there,

958
00:35:50,065 --> 00:35:51,334
they're not going up
anytime soon.

959
00:35:51,358 --> 00:35:52,943
Or ever. There's nothing
out there.

960
00:35:53,026 --> 00:35:54,629
- Exactly.
- Hey, did you see Princess Margaret

961
00:35:54,653 --> 00:35:56,572
on <i>Gordon Ford?</i>
She was hysterical.

962
00:35:56,655 --> 00:35:58,800
- You're kidding.
- Queen Victoria was supposedly a hoot.

963
00:35:58,824 --> 00:36:00,158
I never knew that.

964
00:36:00,242 --> 00:36:02,119
I saw that movie,
it was delightful.

965
00:36:02,202 --> 00:36:03,346
<i>The Absent-Minded
Professor?</i>

966
00:36:03,370 --> 00:36:04,764
With the flying car?
That movie?

967
00:36:04,788 --> 00:36:07,499
At Radio City. I'm a huge
Fred MacMurray fan.

968
00:36:07,583 --> 00:36:09,018
Tell me you were
with a grandchild.

969
00:36:09,042 --> 00:36:12,462
It seems like pablum,
but Fred MacMurray elevates it.

970
00:36:12,546 --> 00:36:14,274
I don't even think
Fred MacMurray's family

971
00:36:14,298 --> 00:36:15,757
is that into Fred MacMurray.

972
00:36:15,841 --> 00:36:18,093
I ignore them now.
Birthdays. No point.

973
00:36:18,176 --> 00:36:19,612
Have you forgotten
the little boy in you, Henry?

974
00:36:19,636 --> 00:36:21,597
Gifts are the point.

975
00:36:21,680 --> 00:36:24,516
I can't remember the
last time I got a gift I liked.

976
00:36:25,893 --> 00:36:27,533
So, Abe, before you
got here, I was raving

977
00:36:27,603 --> 00:36:29,813
about your conversational
skills to Arthur and Henry.

978
00:36:29,897 --> 00:36:33,108
Oh, God, I'm sorry.
I've been such a drip.

979
00:36:33,191 --> 00:36:34,985
Was it because Gabe
said "crapulence"?

980
00:36:35,068 --> 00:36:36,445
Yes, that was upsetting.

981
00:36:36,528 --> 00:36:39,031
No, I'm...

982
00:36:40,240 --> 00:36:41,325
Abe?

983
00:36:42,618 --> 00:36:45,454
It's just the whole
goddamn world. You know?

984
00:36:45,537 --> 00:36:48,332
- Only that?
- Ah, I'm getting maudlin.

985
00:36:48,415 --> 00:36:50,250
What about the world, Abe?

986
00:36:51,543 --> 00:36:53,003
I've just turned 64.

987
00:36:53,086 --> 00:36:58,050
And at a time when I should
be comfortable, settled

988
00:36:58,133 --> 00:37:01,053
in body, in mind... I'm not.

989
00:37:01,136 --> 00:37:05,349
At all. I suddenly find
myself at a crossroads.

990
00:37:05,432 --> 00:37:08,060
And everything
feels upside down.

991
00:37:08,143 --> 00:37:10,270
That's because
everything is changing

992
00:37:10,354 --> 00:37:13,023
at such an ungodly pace, Abe.

993
00:37:13,106 --> 00:37:14,900
Especially for men our age.

994
00:37:14,983 --> 00:37:18,153
- Men our age...
- We were born in the 1800s.

995
00:37:18,236 --> 00:37:19,488
A different century.

996
00:37:19,571 --> 00:37:21,573
Before phones, before radio.

997
00:37:21,657 --> 00:37:25,035
My parents' house had
no electricity till I was seven.

998
00:37:25,118 --> 00:37:26,536
One can't keep up.

999
00:37:26,620 --> 00:37:30,499
Yes, and it's physiological
as much it is psychological.

1000
00:37:30,582 --> 00:37:33,377
Homo sapiens crawled along,
playing the same roles

1001
00:37:33,460 --> 00:37:35,796
for tens and tens
of thousands of years,

1002
00:37:35,879 --> 00:37:37,839
and now, suddenly,
we're forced to adapt

1003
00:37:37,923 --> 00:37:39,424
to this rapid-fire change.

1004
00:37:39,508 --> 00:37:42,594
More change in a year
than our predecessors

1005
00:37:42,678 --> 00:37:44,388
experienced in a lifetime,
in a millennium.

1006
00:37:44,471 --> 00:37:45,389
Think about it.

1007
00:37:45,472 --> 00:37:47,557
Change, to our predecessors,

1008
00:37:47,641 --> 00:37:49,351
were sudden exogenous events:

1009
00:37:49,434 --> 00:37:51,687
earthquakes, floods, an eclipse,

1010
00:37:51,770 --> 00:37:54,564
a saber-toothed tiger
lunging at you out of nowhere.

1011
00:37:54,648 --> 00:37:56,984
They were things to be
dealt with, in the moment.

1012
00:37:57,067 --> 00:38:00,028
Then things naturally
reverted back to the norm.

1013
00:38:00,112 --> 00:38:01,571
But now...

1014
00:38:01,655 --> 00:38:02,698
change happens over you.

1015
00:38:02,781 --> 00:38:03,800
Change itself is the flood,

1016
00:38:03,824 --> 00:38:05,659
change itself is
the saber-toothed.

1017
00:38:05,742 --> 00:38:07,202
Change itself is the norm.

1018
00:38:07,285 --> 00:38:10,956
My fear, though, is that
the world is as it always was,

1019
00:38:11,039 --> 00:38:13,208
and I just didn't see it.

1020
00:38:13,291 --> 00:38:16,211
That a lot of us didn't
see it. Us men.

1021
00:38:16,294 --> 00:38:18,171
I had a feeling
we'd get gender-specific.

1022
00:38:18,255 --> 00:38:21,800
I'm serious. We can't blame
exogenous events.

1023
00:38:21,883 --> 00:38:23,010
It's too easy.

1024
00:38:23,093 --> 00:38:26,972
Our collective blindness
has caused a lot of harm.

1025
00:38:27,055 --> 00:38:30,809
We controlled so much,
meddled so much,

1026
00:38:30,892 --> 00:38:32,519
and to what end?

1027
00:38:32,602 --> 00:38:34,038
- That's one man's perception.
- Exactly.

1028
00:38:34,062 --> 00:38:35,105
And perception is tricky.

1029
00:38:35,188 --> 00:38:37,607
We all interpret through
the lens of ourselves.

1030
00:38:37,691 --> 00:38:39,735
Man and woman. That's natural.

1031
00:38:39,818 --> 00:38:42,404
That we must have shared
with the hunter-gatherers.

1032
00:38:42,487 --> 00:38:43,947
Menus, gentlemen.

1033
00:38:44,031 --> 00:38:49,036
The fish tonight is a Dover
sole prepared one of two ways:

1034
00:38:49,119 --> 00:38:53,707
traditional meunière
or a citrus beurre blanc sauce.

1035
00:38:53,790 --> 00:38:55,476
Thank you. I've had
the Dover sole before.

1036
00:38:55,500 --> 00:38:56,960
It's terrific.

1037
00:38:57,044 --> 00:39:00,630
You know, I had
a moment the other day.

1038
00:39:00,714 --> 00:39:03,258
I-I live in this big
old apartment on Amsterdam.

1039
00:39:03,341 --> 00:39:05,802
Bought it decades ago,
everyone thought I was crazy,

1040
00:39:05,886 --> 00:39:08,555
all that money,
now I look like a genius.

1041
00:39:08,638 --> 00:39:11,850
And my wife and I, she-she's passed,

1042
00:39:11,933 --> 00:39:16,146
we-we spent countless hours
outfitting it, decorating it.

1043
00:39:16,229 --> 00:39:19,191
We took such pride,
everything in the right place.

1044
00:39:19,274 --> 00:39:24,154
And one day, not that long ago,

1045
00:39:24,237 --> 00:39:27,199
I stood in the living room
and looked around,

1046
00:39:27,282 --> 00:39:32,079
and all I saw... was stuff.

1047
00:39:32,162 --> 00:39:36,583
Just stuff.

1048
00:39:36,666 --> 00:39:38,752
It was the strangest feeling.

1049
00:39:38,835 --> 00:39:42,005
As if I'd never seen
any of it before.

1050
00:39:42,089 --> 00:39:45,425
And so much of it was tied
to the memory of my wife.

1051
00:39:45,509 --> 00:39:49,429
We were together 40 years,
but it didn't matter.

1052
00:39:49,513 --> 00:39:51,014
All I could picture
was my children

1053
00:39:51,098 --> 00:39:52,557
picking through it all,

1054
00:39:52,641 --> 00:39:56,853
choosing what to keep,
what to sell, what to...

1055
00:39:56,937 --> 00:40:00,357
throw in the trash heap.

1056
00:40:00,440 --> 00:40:03,652
My life.

1057
00:40:03,735 --> 00:40:05,904
My wife.

1058
00:40:05,987 --> 00:40:08,365
In piles.

1059
00:40:08,448 --> 00:40:14,830
It was a warm day,
but I suddenly felt very cold.

1060
00:40:14,913 --> 00:40:16,331
Look, I believe
in free will.

1061
00:40:16,414 --> 00:40:19,209
We are not robots.
We can change. For the better.

1062
00:40:19,292 --> 00:40:21,086
We do adapt.

1063
00:40:21,169 --> 00:40:23,880
And sometimes what others
perceive as meddling, Abe,

1064
00:40:23,964 --> 00:40:26,007
is actually teaching.

1065
00:40:26,091 --> 00:40:28,051
You were a teacher
most of your life.

1066
00:40:28,135 --> 00:40:29,779
We pass along our knowledge.
That's natural.

1067
00:40:29,803 --> 00:40:31,138
My son. Bright boy.

1068
00:40:31,221 --> 00:40:34,683
Warned me again and again
that I was smothering him.

1069
00:40:34,766 --> 00:40:36,810
I thought I was guiding him.

1070
00:40:36,893 --> 00:40:39,187
Then he moved out,
he stopped calling.

1071
00:40:39,271 --> 00:40:40,730
He stopped...

1072
00:40:43,191 --> 00:40:46,611
We teach, yes, but we foist.

1073
00:40:46,695 --> 00:40:48,446
I certainly do.

1074
00:40:48,530 --> 00:40:50,907
I think I emerged from my
mother's womb giving advice

1075
00:40:50,991 --> 00:40:54,828
on how to deal with
the umbilical cord.

1076
00:40:54,911 --> 00:40:57,789
I'm having one
of your moments, Arthur.

1077
00:40:57,873 --> 00:41:00,333
I'm seeing the piles of my life,

1078
00:41:00,417 --> 00:41:02,377
and they're foreign to me.

1079
00:41:02,460 --> 00:41:04,379
This is about
your family, right?

1080
00:41:04,462 --> 00:41:06,298
You tried to help.
You tried to guide.

1081
00:41:06,381 --> 00:41:08,141
Mistakes were made.
Everybody makes mistakes.

1082
00:41:08,216 --> 00:41:10,427
- I don't like this wine.
- Everything I thought

1083
00:41:10,510 --> 00:41:12,721
about the roles of men and women

1084
00:41:12,804 --> 00:41:15,432
I think is completely wrong.

1085
00:41:15,515 --> 00:41:18,059
I have done exactly
the wrong thing

1086
00:41:18,143 --> 00:41:19,477
for both my children.

1087
00:41:19,561 --> 00:41:21,104
No, Abe. Not true.

1088
00:41:21,188 --> 00:41:22,189
You know...

1089
00:41:22,272 --> 00:41:25,066
my daughter owns the
apartment I'm living in?

1090
00:41:25,150 --> 00:41:26,878
I thought you bought it.
Didn't you say that?

1091
00:41:26,902 --> 00:41:29,571
My wife came up with that,
our cover story.

1092
00:41:29,654 --> 00:41:32,240
No, my daughter bought it.

1093
00:41:32,324 --> 00:41:33,700
My daughter...

1094
00:41:33,783 --> 00:41:37,412
My daughter was dumped
by her husband, out of nowhere.

1095
00:41:37,495 --> 00:41:39,748
That was her saber-toothed.

1096
00:41:39,831 --> 00:41:42,500
Instead of collapsing
from the weight,

1097
00:41:42,584 --> 00:41:45,962
she emerged stronger.

1098
00:41:46,046 --> 00:41:49,716
A new person, so I thought.

1099
00:41:49,799 --> 00:41:51,885
But now I think...

1100
00:41:51,968 --> 00:41:55,222
perhaps that was who
she was all along.

1101
00:41:57,140 --> 00:42:00,101
I never really took
her seriously.

1102
00:42:00,185 --> 00:42:02,812
My son Noah I took seriously.

1103
00:42:02,896 --> 00:42:06,399
I would take him to Columbia
with me every week

1104
00:42:06,483 --> 00:42:10,820
so he could dream
of what he could be.

1105
00:42:12,530 --> 00:42:14,950
I don't remember
if I ever did that for Miriam.

1106
00:42:15,033 --> 00:42:16,952
I don't think
it ever occurred to me.

1107
00:42:17,035 --> 00:42:21,998
And as unfathomable as this
career choice of hers is,

1108
00:42:22,082 --> 00:42:25,293
she's doing it on her own.

1109
00:42:25,377 --> 00:42:29,214
With no help from me
or her mother.

1110
00:42:29,297 --> 00:42:31,466
Where did this come from?

1111
00:42:31,549 --> 00:42:37,347
This strength,
this fearlessness that...

1112
00:42:37,430 --> 00:42:39,641
that I never had.

1113
00:42:39,724 --> 00:42:43,687
That my poor son never had.

1114
00:42:45,230 --> 00:42:48,817
What could she have been
if I had helped her

1115
00:42:48,900 --> 00:42:53,947
and not ignored her,
ignored who she really is?

1116
00:42:56,533 --> 00:42:59,661
My daughter is
a remarkable person,

1117
00:42:59,744 --> 00:43:02,747
and I don't think
I've ever said that to her.

1118
00:43:06,501 --> 00:43:07,711
We should probably order.

1119
00:43:07,794 --> 00:43:10,714
Excuse me, I think we're ready.

1120
00:43:10,797 --> 00:43:13,508
H-How is your
chicken prepared?

1121
00:43:13,591 --> 00:43:15,760
It is lightly
seasoned, sage-rubbed,

1122
00:43:15,844 --> 00:43:18,013
and stuffed with
the finest foie gras

1123
00:43:18,096 --> 00:43:19,389
from the Dordogne Valley.

1124
00:43:19,472 --> 00:43:21,182
He had to ask.

1125
00:43:21,266 --> 00:43:23,393
It's been what, two years?
Are you trying to avoid us?

1126
00:43:23,476 --> 00:43:25,186
John's been on the road
since Christmas.

1127
00:43:25,270 --> 00:43:26,730
All work and no play, Johnny.

1128
00:43:26,813 --> 00:43:28,189
- How's the gallery?
- Hopping.

1129
00:43:28,273 --> 00:43:29,899
You should drop in.
Lots of new stuff.

1130
00:43:29,983 --> 00:43:30,983
What time do you open?

1131
00:43:31,026 --> 00:43:33,820
We, um...

1132
00:43:33,903 --> 00:43:36,781
We open at 10:00, but I
usually swing in around noon.

1133
00:43:36,865 --> 00:43:40,035
Come then. Uh, I have a piece
by Helen Frankenthaler

1134
00:43:40,118 --> 00:43:41,578
that I think you
are going to love.

1135
00:43:41,661 --> 00:43:43,038
- We'll see you then.
- Bye, Hedy.

1136
00:43:43,121 --> 00:43:44,664
Ciao, you two.

1137
00:43:49,919 --> 00:43:54,007
Well... I must say
I'm surprised to see you.

1138
00:43:54,090 --> 00:43:55,550
Well, I'm full of surprises.

1139
00:43:55,633 --> 00:43:57,313
- I'm happy that you're...
- I got business

1140
00:43:57,385 --> 00:43:58,928
for Mrs. Gordon Ford.

1141
00:43:59,012 --> 00:44:00,680
That's me.

1142
00:44:00,764 --> 00:44:02,599
Get my girl on the show.

1143
00:44:02,682 --> 00:44:03,682
I'm sorry, what?

1144
00:44:03,725 --> 00:44:05,727
Midge Maisel. She's a comedian.

1145
00:44:05,810 --> 00:44:07,854
And she needs a break.
And she needs it now.

1146
00:44:07,937 --> 00:44:10,482
And you want me
to talk to Gordon?

1147
00:44:10,565 --> 00:44:13,568
Yes. As a favor to me,

1148
00:44:13,651 --> 00:44:14,920
I would like you
to talk to Gordon.

1149
00:44:14,944 --> 00:44:16,112
Hmm.

1150
00:44:16,196 --> 00:44:18,698
She's a good writer.
Is she a good comedian?

1151
00:44:18,782 --> 00:44:20,075
She's ready.

1152
00:44:20,158 --> 00:44:22,202
- You really believe in this girl.
- I do.

1153
00:44:22,285 --> 00:44:24,245
Is it more than that?

1154
00:44:26,915 --> 00:44:28,684
Look, Gordon doesn't do
everything I ask of him.

1155
00:44:28,708 --> 00:44:31,252
- But I will do what I can.
- And you'll do it soon?

1156
00:44:31,336 --> 00:44:33,171
- I will do it soon.
- Tonight?

1157
00:44:33,254 --> 00:44:34,857
He's out tonight. And I may
not see him till morning.

1158
00:44:34,881 --> 00:44:36,883
Hmm. Quite the fairy tale,
you two.

1159
00:44:40,929 --> 00:44:42,097
So, first thing tomorrow?

1160
00:44:42,180 --> 00:44:43,431
Yes, first thing tomorrow.

1161
00:44:43,515 --> 00:44:46,976
This was hard, wasn't it?

1162
00:44:47,060 --> 00:44:48,812
What you just did.

1163
00:45:01,699 --> 00:45:03,493
<i>♪ Over hill, over dale...</i>

1164
00:45:03,576 --> 00:45:05,161
- Hi, Midge.
- Hello, Trudy.

1165
00:45:05,245 --> 00:45:07,497
Hello, Dorie, can I stash
my purse with you today?

1166
00:45:07,580 --> 00:45:09,916
I worry when you don't.

1167
00:45:09,999 --> 00:45:12,043
<i>♪ In and out,
hear them shout ♪</i>

1168
00:45:12,127 --> 00:45:14,087
<i>♪ Countermarch and right about ♪</i>

1169
00:45:14,170 --> 00:45:15,505
Morning, Hedy.

1170
00:45:15,588 --> 00:45:17,028
<i>♪ And the caissons
go rolling along ♪</i>

1171
00:45:17,090 --> 00:45:18,425
Good morning, Midge.

1172
00:45:18,508 --> 00:45:20,343
<i>♪ Then it's hi, hi, hee ♪</i>

1173
00:45:20,427 --> 00:45:22,679
<i>♪ In the field artillery ♪</i>

1174
00:45:22,762 --> 00:45:25,765
<i>♪ Shout out your orders
loud and clear ♪</i>

1175
00:45:25,849 --> 00:45:26,891
<i>♪ More beer! ♪♪</i>

1176
00:45:28,977 --> 00:45:31,062
Hey. What are you doing here?

1177
00:45:31,146 --> 00:45:32,313
I have a request.

1178
00:45:32,397 --> 00:45:33,314
Did my mother get to you?

1179
00:45:33,398 --> 00:45:34,482
No. Why?

1180
00:45:34,566 --> 00:45:35,876
She wants us
at Thanksgiving this year.

1181
00:45:35,900 --> 00:45:37,026
Oh, she says that every year

1182
00:45:37,110 --> 00:45:38,212
after she gets drunk and cries

1183
00:45:38,236 --> 00:45:39,737
that no one complimented
her turkey.

1184
00:45:39,821 --> 00:45:41,507
We avoided it for three years.
Pretty good run.

1185
00:45:41,531 --> 00:45:42,740
Having notice helps.

1186
00:45:42,824 --> 00:45:44,325
So, what's up?

1187
00:45:45,785 --> 00:45:47,579
You know, occasionally
I swan in here

1188
00:45:47,662 --> 00:45:50,039
in a fabulous new necklace
and suggest a thing or two

1189
00:45:50,123 --> 00:45:52,208
I think you should do.

1190
00:45:52,292 --> 00:45:53,376
Occasionally, yes.

1191
00:45:53,460 --> 00:45:54,728
And I often take
those suggestions

1192
00:45:54,752 --> 00:45:55,872
and compliment the necklace.

1193
00:45:55,920 --> 00:45:58,548
I want you to book
Midge Maisel on the show.

1194
00:45:58,631 --> 00:46:00,550
Midge? No.

1195
00:46:00,633 --> 00:46:01,676
Yes.

1196
00:46:01,759 --> 00:46:03,553
Hedy, come on.
You know we have a rule.

1197
00:46:03,636 --> 00:46:06,264
That was George's rule, Gordon,
then it became your rule.

1198
00:46:06,347 --> 00:46:09,058
Good God, you have no idea
why you have this rule.

1199
00:46:09,142 --> 00:46:11,519
You read "The Lottery,"
you see what happens when

1200
00:46:11,603 --> 00:46:14,355
there are traditions for
no reason, people get stoned.

1201
00:46:14,439 --> 00:46:15,815
Drop the damn rule.

1202
00:46:15,899 --> 00:46:17,150
Okay, why the screed?

1203
00:46:17,233 --> 00:46:18,735
That wasn't a screed. Book her.

1204
00:46:18,818 --> 00:46:19,986
What am I missing here?

1205
00:46:21,154 --> 00:46:23,573
She's easy on
the eyes, isn't she?

1206
00:46:25,742 --> 00:46:27,368
You have eyes.

1207
00:46:27,452 --> 00:46:28,786
Okay, what's the angle here?

1208
00:46:28,870 --> 00:46:30,330
Angle is, I'm asking
you to do this.

1209
00:46:30,413 --> 00:46:31,664
Telling me, you mean.

1210
00:46:31,748 --> 00:46:34,501
Strongly asking you to do this.

1211
00:46:34,584 --> 00:46:37,086
Why? Why should I do this?

1212
00:46:39,380 --> 00:46:41,674
Because you owe me.

1213
00:46:43,426 --> 00:46:44,802
This is how you're
gonna play this?

1214
00:46:44,886 --> 00:46:47,972
This is new for us, Hedy.

1215
00:46:48,056 --> 00:46:50,517
I appreciate this, Gordon.
Really, I do.

1216
00:46:51,935 --> 00:46:56,356
<i>♪ How to handle a woman ♪</i>

1217
00:46:57,899 --> 00:46:59,418
<i>♪ "There's a way," said
the wise old man...</i>

1218
00:46:59,442 --> 00:47:00,985
<i>The Gordon Ford Show.</i>

1219
00:47:01,069 --> 00:47:04,113
Okay, yes. H-Hold on.

1220
00:47:04,197 --> 00:47:06,282
Midge! Phone! It's important!

1221
00:47:06,366 --> 00:47:08,117
<i>♪ Since the whole
rigamarole began ♪</i>

1222
00:47:08,201 --> 00:47:10,161
Yes? Where?

1223
00:47:10,245 --> 00:47:11,996
<i>♪ Do I flatter her?
I begged him answer ♪</i>

1224
00:47:12,080 --> 00:47:14,457
I'm leaving now.

1225
00:47:14,541 --> 00:47:17,252
<i>♪ Do I threaten
or cajole or plead? ♪</i>

1226
00:47:17,335 --> 00:47:19,188
Hold the elevator, hold the elevator.

1227
00:47:19,212 --> 00:47:22,340
<i>♪ Do I brood or play
the gay romancer? ♪</i>

1228
00:47:22,423 --> 00:47:27,053
<i>♪ Said he smiling,
"No, indeed" ♪</i>

1229
00:47:28,555 --> 00:47:32,433
<i>♪ How to handle a woman? ♪</i>

1230
00:47:32,517 --> 00:47:37,272
<i>♪ Mark me well,
I will tell you, sir ♪</i>

1231
00:47:37,355 --> 00:47:41,484
<i>♪ The way to handle a woman ♪</i>

1232
00:47:41,568 --> 00:47:45,280
<i>♪ Is to love her ♪</i>

1233
00:47:45,363 --> 00:47:49,742
<i>♪ Simply love her ♪</i>

1234
00:47:49,826 --> 00:47:53,913
<i>♪ Merely love her ♪</i>

1235
00:47:53,997 --> 00:48:00,997
<i>♪ Love her, love her ♪♪</i>

1236
00:48:09,804 --> 00:48:12,515
<i>♪ So they made you a star ♪</i>

1237
00:48:12,599 --> 00:48:16,311
<i>♪ Now your head's in the cloud ♪</i>

1238
00:48:19,606 --> 00:48:22,692
<i>♪ Now you're walking
down the street ♪</i>

1239
00:48:22,775 --> 00:48:25,278
<i>♪ With your feet
off the ground ♪</i>

1240
00:48:29,032 --> 00:48:30,575
<i>♪ They read in the press ♪</i>

1241
00:48:30,658 --> 00:48:32,577
<i>♪ All about your success ♪</i>

1242
00:48:32,660 --> 00:48:36,706
<i>♪ You believe every word
you've been told ♪</i>

1243
00:48:36,789 --> 00:48:38,541
<i>♪ After all you've
been through ♪</i>

1244
00:48:38,625 --> 00:48:40,543
<i>♪ Tell me what you will do ♪</i>

1245
00:48:40,627 --> 00:48:44,047
<i>♪ When you find yourself
out in the cold ♪</i>

1246
00:48:44,130 --> 00:48:46,299
<i>♪ Ah, tell me ♪</i>

1247
00:48:47,800 --> 00:48:51,471
<i>♪ Ah, tell me ♪</i>

1248
00:48:51,554 --> 00:48:54,599
<i>♪ When you appear on the stage ♪</i>

1249
00:48:54,682 --> 00:48:57,727
<i>♪ There's a standing ovation ♪</i>

1250
00:49:01,397 --> 00:49:04,692
<i>♪ You really live out
your performance ♪</i>

1251
00:49:04,776 --> 00:49:07,737
<i>♪ You're the biggest sensation ♪</i>

1252
00:49:11,240 --> 00:49:12,533
<i>♪ You reach through the door ♪</i>

1253
00:49:12,617 --> 00:49:14,577
<i>♪ And then you take the floor ♪</i>

1254
00:49:14,661 --> 00:49:18,665
<i>♪ You expect to have
it all to yourself ♪</i>

1255
00:49:18,748 --> 00:49:20,458
<i>♪ After all you've
been through ♪</i>

1256
00:49:20,541 --> 00:49:22,502
<i>♪ Tell me, what will you do ♪</i>

1257
00:49:22,585 --> 00:49:26,130
<i>♪ When you find yourself
back on the shelf? ♪</i>

1258
00:49:26,214 --> 00:49:28,257
<i>♪ Ah, tell me ♪</i>

1259
00:49:29,967 --> 00:49:31,761
<i>♪ Ah, tell me ♪♪</i>