1
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ASTÉRIX & OBÉLIX
THE MIDDLE KINGDOM

2
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<i>The year is 50 B.C.</i>

3
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<i>Gaul is entirely occupied by the Romans.</i>

4
00:01:11,497 --> 00:01:12,515
<i>Well,</i>

5
00:01:12,539 --> 00:01:14,223
<i>not entirely.</i>

6
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<i>One small village of indomitable Gauls</i>

7
00:01:16,622 --> 00:01:19,331
<i>still holds out against the invaders.</i>

8
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<i>And life isn't easy
for the Roman legionaries</i>

9
00:01:22,622 --> 00:01:26,057
<i>who garrison the fortified camps
of Totorum, Aquarium,</i>

10
00:01:26,081 --> 00:01:28,206
<i>Laudanum and Compendium.</i>

11
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<i>♪ Favourite thing that I like ♪</i>

12
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<i>♪ Is to go on a hike in the forest ♪</i>

13
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<i>♪ I like to go
With my buddy, with my... bro ♪</i>

14
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Hey, that rhymes. Ha!

15
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You know what, Obélix?
This life isn't healthy.

16
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- Huh?
- Too much meat.

17
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- Oof! Too much meat?
- Yeah.

18
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Wild boars for breakfast, lunch
and dinner, and then midnight snacks.

19
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And all that barley beer!

20
00:01:57,372 --> 00:01:59,098
I don't think it's all that good for us.

21
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- What else would we eat then?
- I don't know.

22
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We could balance it out a bit,
with, uh... vegetables.

23
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- Vegetables? Vegetables?
- Uh-huh.

24
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Oh, you're so funny, Astérix!

25
00:02:19,289 --> 00:02:20,807
You hear that, Dogmatix?

26
00:02:20,831 --> 00:02:22,390
Do you picture yourself chewing celery

27
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instead of a bone?
Like, "Hello, vegetables"?

28
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Yeah, go ahead and laugh.

29
00:02:27,081 --> 00:02:30,598
Honestly, what is the point
of wrecking our health like this?

30
00:02:30,622 --> 00:02:32,581
And that magic potion...

31
00:02:33,122 --> 00:02:35,390
Where's the evidence
that it's safe to use?

32
00:02:35,414 --> 00:02:37,622
We don't have perspective. We just don't.

33
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And plus, do we even need it, you know?

34
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- You alright?
- No, I'm not.

35
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Look, it's not a huge deal,

36
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maybe a mixed salad now and then,
or mushrooms. Chestnuts?

37
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- Well, they're out of season...
- Shush.

38
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You're carrying one already,
can't you leave the poor beasts alone?

39
00:03:07,539 --> 00:03:10,557
Peekaboo, you ickle-wickle Romie-pomies!

40
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- Hail, Caesar.
- Sorry, we're lost.

41
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We didn't know
we were so close to your village.

42
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Oh please,
I must've told you twenty times.

43
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- Did not.
- Did too.

44
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You kept saying,
"I'm sick to death of these stupid Gauls."

45
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"They can kiss my scutum."

46
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- Oh!
- What's wrong with you?

47
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Wait here.

48
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No, no, no.

49
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Leave it to me.

50
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Let me demonstrate
just how much I need this.

51
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True power is here,

52
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and here.

53
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So you just sit over there,

54
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relax, and watch and learn.

55
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Hiya.

56
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They got these helmets...

57
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I'm sorry, are you in or out?

58
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I've been told to stay out.

59
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No!

60
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- Come and help, don't be silly!
- Go on, pound him hard.

61
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- Oh!
- Hey!

62
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Oh!

63
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Come on, be a sport, would...

64
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Cheater!

65
00:04:32,747 --> 00:04:34,015
Dunno what you're on about.

66
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I was doing fine without the potion.

67
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We don't have to do this.

68
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But... we do.

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{\an8}ASTÉRIX & OBÉLIX
THE MIDDLE KINGDOM

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{\an8}<i>♪ I love my big belt ♪</i>

71
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{\an8}<i>♪ To keep my lovely britches up! ♪</i>

72
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{\an8}Why no customers?

73
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{\an8}Product's not that fresh.

74
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{\an8}- Are you fresh?
- What?

75
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{\an8}- Uh, nothing.
- Can you imagine,

76
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{\an8}Get a fix, I can't even
smoke my own boars inside!

77
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{\an8}Just because <i>mister</i> Astérix
has decided to quit eating them,

78
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doesn't mean I have to.

79
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Panacea!

80
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Panacea!

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- Panacea!
- Hi, girls.

82
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- Shall we go to the market?
- Yes!

83
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- Morning, Panacea.
- Morning, Obélix.

84
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Um, Panacea...

85
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I wanted to tell you...

86
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Mm-hmm?

87
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When I carved this menhir, I was thinking
of you, so I want you to have it.

88
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That's really nice of you,
but what would I do with it?

89
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Goodbye then.

90
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- She didn't take it.
- Hum?

91
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- The menhir, she didn't want it.
- What did you expect? It weighs a ton!

92
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What would she use it for?
An ankle bracelet?

93
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- Get a fix, your sickle's ready.
- Thanks, Fulliautomatix.

94
00:06:24,539 --> 00:06:25,682
Oh, enough of that.

95
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And let me tell you... I'll tell you...

96
00:06:28,497 --> 00:06:29,581
Come here.

97
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{\an8}<i>♪ I'm on fire ♪</i>

98
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{\an8}There's no reason for Astérix
not to have a varied diet as long as

99
00:06:36,206 --> 00:06:37,664
{\an8}he doesn't impose it on others.

100
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Get a fix, what are you doing?

101
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Huh?

102
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Sinking, I believe.

103
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What're you doing that for?

104
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It's quicksand, obviously.

105
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Nobody's ever reported
quicksand around here before.

106
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Perhaps it's because they'd already sunk!

107
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{\an8}Wagon in sight!

108
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{\an8}<i>♪ Wagon in sight ♪</i>

109
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{\an8}Excuse me a second.

110
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{\an8}<i>♪ But I'm never hoarse ♪</i>

111
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{\an8}<i>♪ Because my heart yearns to sing ♪</i>

112
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{\an8}Was it too hard for you to shut up?

113
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{\an8}First customer I'd had in days!

114
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{\an8}That's how long
your fish's been rotting there.

115
00:07:17,581 --> 00:07:20,015
{\an8}What? You saying my fish is rotten?

116
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{\an8}Let's go see who it is, huh?

117
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{\an8}FOR LOUISE AND MARCEL

118
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- Stay put, horsies.
- Bankruptis, what you doing here?

119
00:07:56,997 --> 00:07:58,807
- Shh!
- It's summertime.

120
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Were you ambushed?

121
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- And where's your uncle?
- Will you shut up, I mean it, not a word.

122
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Listen to me! Okay?

123
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Friends, I just came from China.
I need your help with this.

124
00:08:08,706 --> 00:08:10,932
- You've got to see this.
- Why are you blonde?

125
00:08:10,956 --> 00:08:13,973
Now that's what I need to tell you.
I'm a Gaul. I've always been a Gaul.

126
00:08:13,997 --> 00:08:16,182
- Pff!
- So please, play along.

127
00:08:16,206 --> 00:08:18,307
Just play along with it,
would you, please?

128
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I will explain. This way.

129
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They're strange.

130
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Now this magnificent
young woman asleep on the shoulder,

131
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she's a princess.

132
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Name of Sa See. The very daughter
of the Empress of China.

133
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You do know where China is, right?

134
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Absolutely.

135
00:08:43,289 --> 00:08:44,598
Right.

136
00:08:44,622 --> 00:08:46,390
- Is she a princess too?
- No.

137
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She's her bodyguard, her name's Ka Ra Tay.

138
00:08:48,914 --> 00:08:52,390
Let me tell you she's a right fury.
She beat up everybody we met.

139
00:08:52,414 --> 00:08:55,247
She beat the Scythians. And she beat
the Parthians, she beat the Huns.

140
00:08:56,039 --> 00:08:57,390
She's a beautiful woman.

141
00:08:57,414 --> 00:09:00,182
A woman bodyguard?
That's pretty funny.

142
00:09:00,206 --> 00:09:01,848
That's it, laugh then, go on.

143
00:09:01,872 --> 00:09:04,807
Since you're such an alpha male,
we'd all love a demonstration.

144
00:09:04,831 --> 00:09:06,140
- Huh?
- Alright.

145
00:09:06,164 --> 00:09:08,223
Yeah, see if you can grab her hand,
alpha male.

146
00:09:08,247 --> 00:09:10,247
- Go ahead. Be my guest.
- Alright.

147
00:09:16,372 --> 00:09:17,497
<i>Voilà.</i>

148
00:09:28,247 --> 00:09:31,372
<i>♪ Say you, say me ♪</i>

149
00:09:34,081 --> 00:09:35,807
<i>♪ Say it for always ♪</i>

150
00:09:37,497 --> 00:09:39,747
<i>♪ That's the way it should be ♪</i>

151
00:09:42,206 --> 00:09:43,706
You been drinking potion?

152
00:09:44,206 --> 00:09:46,223
- No.
- Mm-hmm.

153
00:09:46,247 --> 00:09:49,331
- What's happening?
- What's <i>happening</i> is quite obvious.

154
00:09:49,914 --> 00:09:52,265
I'll tell you this, do not go there.

155
00:09:52,289 --> 00:09:53,723
The princess and I...

156
00:09:53,747 --> 00:09:56,015
We're a bit more than friends,
know what I'm saying?

157
00:09:56,039 --> 00:09:57,247
- You are?
- Yeah.

158
00:09:57,789 --> 00:09:58,789
Princess?

159
00:10:01,831 --> 00:10:03,539
We have arrived.

160
00:10:05,206 --> 00:10:06,348
Oh!

161
00:10:06,372 --> 00:10:08,640
What's the meaning of this?

162
00:10:08,664 --> 00:10:10,307
Oh no, here comes the chief!

163
00:10:10,331 --> 00:10:12,057
Now this is Vitalstatistix,

164
00:10:12,081 --> 00:10:13,932
he's the chief of us Gauls, he's the boss.

165
00:10:15,706 --> 00:10:17,557
In the name of Toutatis,
you've got some nerve.

166
00:10:17,581 --> 00:10:21,348
Where's your uncle Ekonomikrisis?
He swindled me on a silk chiffon.

167
00:10:21,372 --> 00:10:22,640
- How incredible.
- Yeah.

168
00:10:22,664 --> 00:10:25,015
He said, "Relax, it'll stretch."
Do I look relaxed?

169
00:10:25,039 --> 00:10:26,348
- Clearly not.
- Where's the swindler?

170
00:10:26,372 --> 00:10:29,372
Ow! No! He sent me, all right?
Can I tell you the story?

171
00:10:29,956 --> 00:10:32,390
Let me introduce Princess Sa See.

172
00:10:32,414 --> 00:10:35,390
The daughter of the Empress of China!

173
00:10:35,414 --> 00:10:36,890
Oh!

174
00:10:36,914 --> 00:10:38,390
Who's the girl?

175
00:10:38,414 --> 00:10:40,682
- Thank you, Bankruptix.
- Welcome.

176
00:10:40,706 --> 00:10:44,390
Chief Vitalstatistix. Allow me to explain
why I have come to you.

177
00:10:44,414 --> 00:10:47,057
- Get a fix, how far's China?
- Very far!

178
00:10:47,081 --> 00:10:49,372
It is where the sun comes up, over yonder.

179
00:10:50,581 --> 00:10:51,581
Ah.

180
00:10:55,414 --> 00:10:58,015
<i>As the tale of the Princess
is likely to be rather long,</i>

181
00:10:58,039 --> 00:10:59,765
<i>and fraught with emotion,</i>

182
00:10:59,789 --> 00:11:03,390
<i>let's have a somewhat condensed
account instead.</i>

183
00:11:03,414 --> 00:11:06,057
<i>The Princess lives
with her mother, the Empress.</i>

184
00:11:06,081 --> 00:11:07,973
<i>Ever since the Emperor died,</i>

185
00:11:07,997 --> 00:11:11,473
<i>the Empress has struggled to keep control
over the Six Kingdoms.</i>

186
00:11:11,497 --> 00:11:13,890
<i>Even as beloved as she is by her people,</i>

187
00:11:13,914 --> 00:11:17,015
<i>the Empress must face the ambitions
of some of the princes,</i>

188
00:11:17,039 --> 00:11:19,122
<i>who secretly covet her throne.</i>

189
00:11:19,706 --> 00:11:22,848
<i>The troubles began
on Princess Sa See's birthday,</i>

190
00:11:22,872 --> 00:11:25,640
<i>the girl you saw earlier, in the village.</i>

191
00:11:25,664 --> 00:11:27,831
<i>This is what we call a flashback.</i>

192
00:11:31,582 --> 00:11:33,206
Another vase?

193
00:11:34,665 --> 00:11:36,140
Every year is the same.

194
00:11:36,164 --> 00:11:38,098
Who'd be interested
in a collection of vases?

195
00:11:38,122 --> 00:11:40,723
I'm twenty now,
and I've never been out of this palace.

196
00:11:40,747 --> 00:11:42,223
I'm tired of these gardens and guards!

197
00:11:42,247 --> 00:11:44,390
Your security is at stake.
You know this well...

198
00:11:44,414 --> 00:11:49,140
Father promised me I would visit Lutetia
all its boutiques, small taverns...

199
00:11:49,164 --> 00:11:50,848
I yearn to travel to Gaul!

200
00:11:50,872 --> 00:11:54,348
We have spoken about this.
Such a journey is too dangerous.

201
00:11:54,372 --> 00:11:56,289
The answer is no.

202
00:11:56,997 --> 00:11:58,581
Here. Open this one.

203
00:12:00,372 --> 00:12:02,223
A gold coin stamped with your likeness.

204
00:12:02,247 --> 00:12:03,497
The first ever minted.

205
00:12:04,122 --> 00:12:06,432
Will it buy a dress
in the capital of Gaul?

206
00:12:06,456 --> 00:12:07,456
Sa See...

207
00:12:14,706 --> 00:12:16,497
Prince Deng Tsin Qin!

208
00:12:19,664 --> 00:12:20,807
I'm told you have levied

209
00:12:20,831 --> 00:12:22,390
a new tax over your kingdom,

210
00:12:22,414 --> 00:12:24,182
whilst your people suffer famine?

211
00:12:24,206 --> 00:12:26,057
If I may be so bold, your Majesty...

212
00:12:26,081 --> 00:12:28,057
Julius Caesar's been taxing the heck out

213
00:12:28,081 --> 00:12:30,140
of his own empire
and nobody's complaining.

214
00:12:30,164 --> 00:12:32,640
Plus, where's the pleasure
without pain, as my countrymen say.

215
00:12:32,664 --> 00:12:33,973
Who is this man?

216
00:12:33,997 --> 00:12:37,057
This is Scar Dee Kat.
My new strategic counsellor.

217
00:12:37,081 --> 00:12:40,223
He's from Rome,
where he held very high station.

218
00:12:40,247 --> 00:12:42,057
Put the people of China

219
00:12:42,081 --> 00:12:43,956
before the twisted schemes of a Roman.

220
00:12:44,622 --> 00:12:46,914
Of course, your Imperial Majesty.

221
00:12:47,664 --> 00:12:48,932
Before I withdraw,

222
00:12:48,956 --> 00:12:51,723
have you given any thought
to my proposal of marriage?

223
00:12:51,747 --> 00:12:53,432
Yes. The Princess and I discussed it.

224
00:12:53,456 --> 00:12:54,581
And...?

225
00:12:55,456 --> 00:12:56,515
We had a good laugh.

226
00:12:58,581 --> 00:13:01,622
Ah!
"He who makes woman laugh..."

227
00:13:02,456 --> 00:13:04,289
Apologies.

228
00:13:04,872 --> 00:13:06,914
If your Majesty
and her daughter find it amusing,

229
00:13:07,706 --> 00:13:09,223
then let it be so.

230
00:13:15,081 --> 00:13:16,081
Ka Ra Tay.

231
00:13:19,622 --> 00:13:20,956
My faithful warrior.

232
00:13:21,622 --> 00:13:23,039
Summon my daughter.

233
00:13:46,622 --> 00:13:48,307
Look, we are in China.

234
00:13:48,331 --> 00:13:50,557
The Chinese love all things Gaul,
therefore we are Gauls,

235
00:13:50,581 --> 00:13:51,598
I can't be any clearer.

236
00:13:51,622 --> 00:13:54,164
To a native Phoenician,
it's humiliating, Ekonomikrisis.

237
00:13:55,372 --> 00:13:57,223
The name's <i>Ekonomikrisix</i>!

238
00:13:57,247 --> 00:13:58,640
Get it through your thick skulls!

239
00:13:58,664 --> 00:14:01,473
You're Over mix, and you're Premix! Right?

240
00:14:01,497 --> 00:14:03,956
And all three of us are Gauls.
"Comprendix"?

241
00:14:04,539 --> 00:14:07,456
- It's always us making the effort.
- Always you, huh?

242
00:14:09,789 --> 00:14:11,307
Is that funny to you?

243
00:14:11,331 --> 00:14:13,348
Think that's funny? Think I'm amused?

244
00:14:13,372 --> 00:14:14,598
- Being blonde?
- No.

245
00:14:14,622 --> 00:14:17,765
So grab these papyrus sheets,
and go hand them out in town. Stat!

246
00:14:17,789 --> 00:14:19,890
Go on. <i>Yallah,</i> I mean, get on with it.

247
00:14:19,914 --> 00:14:21,890
Put your helmets on! Go!

248
00:14:21,914 --> 00:14:23,723
On your way now.

249
00:14:23,747 --> 00:14:25,206
China is ours, yeah?

250
00:14:25,706 --> 00:14:27,622
Hey, hey, hey. What you snooping at?

251
00:14:28,414 --> 00:14:31,206
What you think you're doing?
You touch, you pay. That's the rule.

252
00:14:32,122 --> 00:14:33,390
Are these real Louboutix?

253
00:14:33,414 --> 00:14:35,182
"Are those real Louboutix?"

254
00:14:35,206 --> 00:14:37,807
Of course they're real,
have you ever seen soles like this before?

255
00:14:37,831 --> 00:14:40,432
They're red-hot, and so are my prices,
so if it's too much,

256
00:14:40,456 --> 00:14:42,664
go check out Cheaptrix next door.

257
00:14:43,414 --> 00:14:44,973
Right, get outta my store now.

258
00:14:44,997 --> 00:14:47,223
- Go on, give us some air.
- Whoa!

259
00:14:47,247 --> 00:14:49,223
That's a booboo. Mother of all booboos.

260
00:14:49,247 --> 00:14:51,307
Please forgive him, Majesty. Forgive him.

261
00:14:51,331 --> 00:14:55,098
He's my nephew.
He has the same temper as his mama.

262
00:14:55,122 --> 00:14:56,640
- Right.
- That's what everybody says.

263
00:14:56,664 --> 00:14:58,807
And of course, the sandals are yours.

264
00:14:58,831 --> 00:15:00,848
There's no charge, I'll take it...

265
00:15:00,872 --> 00:15:02,015
- Ow!
- ...out of his wages.

266
00:15:02,039 --> 00:15:04,098
- I felt pain.
- You did have it coming.

267
00:15:04,122 --> 00:15:06,164
Ekonomikrisix, I'm at your service.

268
00:15:06,747 --> 00:15:08,598
Nobody shakes.
Put the hand away.

269
00:15:08,622 --> 00:15:10,223
- Nobody shakes.
- Nobody shakes.

270
00:15:10,247 --> 00:15:13,223
This is all a terrible mistake, Princess.

271
00:15:13,247 --> 00:15:17,265
Whoa. You're sublime. Um. Um... um.

272
00:15:17,289 --> 00:15:18,973
I'm Bankruptix. I'm the nephew.

273
00:15:18,997 --> 00:15:21,140
With my Mama's temper.

274
00:15:21,164 --> 00:15:24,015
And also... her eyes.

275
00:15:26,914 --> 00:15:28,598
I would've loved
to have blonde hair like you.

276
00:15:28,622 --> 00:15:32,557
It was never really my choice, Princess.
I was always this way.

277
00:15:32,581 --> 00:15:34,265
Nature only is to blame.

278
00:15:34,289 --> 00:15:36,182
If your imperial Majesty,

279
00:15:36,206 --> 00:15:38,307
uh, could put all this behind us,

280
00:15:38,331 --> 00:15:41,890
if you would consent to sample
some of our famous Gallic wines,

281
00:15:41,914 --> 00:15:43,932
it would hon our us greatly.

282
00:15:43,956 --> 00:15:45,081
Do come in.

283
00:15:46,081 --> 00:15:50,206
Let's start with a superior vintage,
to hon our your majestic imperiosity.

284
00:15:51,456 --> 00:15:54,098
Its nose is fruity.

285
00:15:54,122 --> 00:15:56,140
Full of sunshine.

286
00:15:56,164 --> 00:15:57,640
Notes of pine and cool shade.

287
00:15:57,664 --> 00:15:59,973
With a tinge of chestnut.

288
00:15:59,997 --> 00:16:01,057
Banana too.

289
00:16:01,081 --> 00:16:02,848
Dried dates, perhaps.

290
00:16:02,872 --> 00:16:05,848
It's more of a fruit salad
than a... a wine, really.

291
00:16:05,872 --> 00:16:06,872
WINE TASTING

292
00:16:10,164 --> 00:16:11,456
I LOVE GAUL

293
00:16:21,289 --> 00:16:22,099
I'll buy it all.

294
00:16:22,123 --> 00:16:24,206
Ah!

295
00:16:25,539 --> 00:16:28,682
- Are these Gallic perfumes?
- Absolutely, they are indeed.

296
00:16:28,706 --> 00:16:30,765
All our perfumes come from Gaul.

297
00:16:30,789 --> 00:16:32,664
Like myself and my staff.

298
00:16:33,581 --> 00:16:35,307
This is the latest fragrance

299
00:16:35,331 --> 00:16:38,223
the ladies are crazy for in Gaul. Amphora.

300
00:16:38,247 --> 00:16:40,265
Amphora.

301
00:16:40,289 --> 00:16:41,348
I adore-a.

302
00:16:41,372 --> 00:16:42,682
And I'm all for-a.

303
00:16:42,706 --> 00:16:45,140
- Archers, fire!
- Hey, watch out!

304
00:16:53,122 --> 00:16:54,515
Sa See, are you hurt?

305
00:16:54,539 --> 00:16:55,932
No, Mother, I'm fine.

306
00:16:55,956 --> 00:16:58,640
- Bankruptis, everything okay?
- Yeah, I'm all good.

307
00:16:58,664 --> 00:17:00,015
I'm asking about the goods!

308
00:17:00,039 --> 00:17:01,098
Cheers, mate.

309
00:17:01,122 --> 00:17:02,515
Hey, Empress?

310
00:17:02,539 --> 00:17:03,848
Come out with your hands up.

311
00:17:03,872 --> 00:17:06,598
We wouldn't want to hurt anybody.

312
00:17:06,622 --> 00:17:07,682
We got eyes on you!

313
00:17:07,706 --> 00:17:09,122
Yeah, both kinds.

314
00:17:11,372 --> 00:17:14,098
Yeah because...
my eyes are more like, round,

315
00:17:14,122 --> 00:17:15,664
and you guys are, like uh...

316
00:17:16,456 --> 00:17:17,456
Forget it.

317
00:17:20,081 --> 00:17:20,974
Is there another exit?

318
00:17:20,998 --> 00:17:22,640
Yes. I have a secret passage

319
00:17:22,664 --> 00:17:25,473
in case of customs checks.
I mean in case of check...

320
00:17:25,497 --> 00:17:28,081
checking for fires.
In case of fire. A fire exit.

321
00:17:28,872 --> 00:17:31,265
Ka Ra Tay,
I entrust you my daughter. Save her!

322
00:17:31,289 --> 00:17:32,973
Mother, no! You have to escape too.

323
00:17:32,997 --> 00:17:35,098
The Empress does not flee. Save yourself.

324
00:17:35,122 --> 00:17:37,140
The scoundrel is after you.

325
00:17:37,164 --> 00:17:38,164
Let's go.

326
00:17:39,914 --> 00:17:42,432
- Bye, Princess.
- Quit that. I'm gonna stay here.

327
00:17:42,456 --> 00:17:44,307
A good merchant never abandons his stock.

328
00:17:44,331 --> 00:17:46,765
Captain of the ship kinda thing, right?

329
00:17:46,789 --> 00:17:47,766
Well, yeah.

330
00:17:47,790 --> 00:17:49,223
You get to home-base,
and bring back the guys.

331
00:17:49,247 --> 00:17:50,598
What? Uncle Mahmood?

332
00:17:50,622 --> 00:17:52,432
Not him, not Uncle Mahmood,
this home base.

333
00:17:52,456 --> 00:17:53,682
This home base?

334
00:17:53,706 --> 00:17:55,973
- That's the other end of the planet!
- You should be on your way.

335
00:17:55,997 --> 00:17:57,997
Hey, wait!

336
00:17:58,706 --> 00:18:01,973
Keep your eyes on the Princess.
We won't lose our biggest sale ever.

337
00:18:01,997 --> 00:18:05,723
Imagine. If you save
the Princess of China...

338
00:18:09,664 --> 00:18:12,098
- Ah.
- Ah, yeah.

339
00:18:12,122 --> 00:18:14,432
- Yeah... I'll understand on the way.
- Go!

340
00:18:14,456 --> 00:18:16,039
Take care, unkie.

341
00:18:20,622 --> 00:18:22,890
I happen to be an amateur pugilist.

342
00:18:22,914 --> 00:18:23,891
Let me deal with this.

343
00:18:23,915 --> 00:18:25,765
So, fellas?

344
00:18:25,789 --> 00:18:27,872
Hassling ladies, are we?

345
00:18:32,706 --> 00:18:34,706
So I left the room, and then...

346
00:18:35,747 --> 00:18:36,683
What happened?

347
00:18:36,707 --> 00:18:39,890
- You got kicked in the head.
- Ah, of course!

348
00:18:39,914 --> 00:18:41,015
That's what happened.

349
00:18:41,039 --> 00:18:43,098
So, are we having fun yet, Empress?

350
00:18:43,122 --> 00:18:44,265
Excuse me just one second,

351
00:18:44,289 --> 00:18:46,765
but who on earth are you?
Because none of this makes much sense.

352
00:18:46,789 --> 00:18:48,664
I'm totally lost, I'm baffled here.

353
00:18:49,789 --> 00:18:51,765
- So then?
- The princess is still missing.

354
00:18:51,789 --> 00:18:54,057
And if she's hiding, she's smart.

355
00:18:54,081 --> 00:18:56,581
Dodging us like a sly little fishy...

356
00:18:57,789 --> 00:19:00,348
Find her, offer a reward!
Tell the whole kingdom!

357
00:19:00,372 --> 00:19:03,432
I want her alive!
For our beautiful forced wedding!

358
00:19:06,414 --> 00:19:08,015
I know my daughter.

359
00:19:08,039 --> 00:19:09,348
She will seek her revenge.

360
00:19:09,372 --> 00:19:11,557
Now that's a scary thought.
Spoiled princess,

361
00:19:11,581 --> 00:19:12,640
who's never been outside!

362
00:19:12,664 --> 00:19:14,765
- That's my bride you're talking about.
- Sorry, Master.

363
00:19:14,789 --> 00:19:16,807
Yeah I'm sorry too,
but tell us what's going on,

364
00:19:16,831 --> 00:19:18,765
I'm so puzzled, as in totally perplexed.

365
00:19:18,789 --> 00:19:20,765
I'll have you decapitated, Empress.

366
00:19:20,789 --> 00:19:22,057
You'll decapitate no one.

367
00:19:22,081 --> 00:19:23,765
Where's your manners?
You don't do that.

368
00:19:23,789 --> 00:19:26,557
He's not wrong,
you can't be the one to kill the Empress.

369
00:19:26,581 --> 00:19:27,932
Why not?

370
00:19:27,956 --> 00:19:31,432
It's not that simple, because the Princes
in the other kingdoms hate your guts.

371
00:19:31,456 --> 00:19:33,140
They claim you're not Emperor material,

372
00:19:33,164 --> 00:19:35,432
and also, their words not mine,
you're physically ugly,

373
00:19:35,456 --> 00:19:36,973
and you've got an itty-bitty little...

374
00:19:36,997 --> 00:19:40,182
- Don't you dare.
- I meant army. You have a small army.

375
00:19:40,206 --> 00:19:41,515
It's the smallest one out there.

376
00:19:41,539 --> 00:19:43,432
If you try to beat them,
you've got zero chance.

377
00:19:43,456 --> 00:19:46,182
I'm assuming you wouldn't
say this unless you had a plan?

378
00:19:46,206 --> 00:19:47,622
Well assumed.

379
00:19:48,539 --> 00:19:50,122
- And my idea...
- Hush!

380
00:19:50,956 --> 00:19:53,390
- Right, haul them in! Let's go!
- No.

381
00:19:53,414 --> 00:19:54,765
- Take it easy.
- Move!

382
00:19:54,789 --> 00:19:57,473
Easy, there's an Empress here,
and the jars are breakable.

383
00:19:57,497 --> 00:19:59,473
China is ours!

384
00:20:31,456 --> 00:20:32,932
It's gonna be fine, Princess.

385
00:20:32,956 --> 00:20:35,723
And you can count on me. Okay? You and me.

386
00:20:38,247 --> 00:20:39,848
Don't worry. We'll help you!

387
00:20:39,872 --> 00:20:41,515
Because it's a known fact,

388
00:20:41,539 --> 00:20:43,557
us Gauls, we just love helping others.

389
00:20:43,581 --> 00:20:45,015
No!

390
00:20:45,039 --> 00:20:46,890
No, no, no and no!

391
00:20:46,914 --> 00:20:48,515
Out of the question!

392
00:20:48,539 --> 00:20:51,515
Dunno about you, but I found
this story extremely long-winded.

393
00:20:51,539 --> 00:20:56,348
And frankly, by Belen us, why does everyone
always have to come to us for support?

394
00:20:56,372 --> 00:20:58,348
Hold on now, Vitalstatistix,

395
00:20:58,372 --> 00:20:59,723
it's a tradition.

396
00:20:59,747 --> 00:21:02,432
We provide assistance
to those who need it.

397
00:21:02,456 --> 00:21:04,515
Including our good friend Bank...

398
00:21:04,539 --> 00:21:06,140
- Ruptis.
- ...Ruptis.

399
00:21:06,164 --> 00:21:09,473
- Ruptix.
- Right, well... it's a no, that's it.

400
00:21:09,497 --> 00:21:11,956
It's often been yes.
But this time, it's no.

401
00:21:12,581 --> 00:21:15,515
I've got a bad feeling.
China's far away, we've never been!

402
00:21:15,539 --> 00:21:17,265
Nor our forefathers!
Where it is, we don't know.

403
00:21:17,289 --> 00:21:18,224
Sure we do, come on.

404
00:21:18,248 --> 00:21:19,723
Yeah, even I know where it is.

405
00:21:19,747 --> 00:21:22,497
It's over yonder.
Where the sun rises, huh?

406
00:21:23,247 --> 00:21:24,890
He doesn't even know that?

407
00:21:24,914 --> 00:21:26,682
I'm not sure where it is and I'm the boss.

408
00:21:26,706 --> 00:21:28,807
Oh Chief, I respect your decision.

409
00:21:28,831 --> 00:21:31,265
I will take my leave now
to save my mother and homeland.

410
00:21:31,289 --> 00:21:33,372
- No, no, no.
- Please wait, Princess...

411
00:21:35,414 --> 00:21:36,414
Well, I could go.

412
00:21:36,997 --> 00:21:39,831
As it happens, I'm free at the moment.

413
00:21:40,831 --> 00:21:44,057
Well, I'm free too, at the moment.
I wouldn't mind going.

414
00:21:44,081 --> 00:21:46,247
Hey, you two! Who's on the chair here?

415
00:21:47,539 --> 00:21:49,390
Are you village chief now?

416
00:21:49,414 --> 00:21:51,348
Alright, I've heard enough of this.

417
00:21:51,372 --> 00:21:53,973
- Still no!
- Have you completely lost your mind?

418
00:21:53,997 --> 00:21:56,140
Fine chief you are!

419
00:21:56,164 --> 00:21:58,015
Ignoring the anguish of an innocent girl.

420
00:21:58,039 --> 00:22:00,015
- Oh no, Mimenta...
- Don't Mimenta me!

421
00:22:00,039 --> 00:22:02,914
- This how you welcome friends from China?
- Seriously.

422
00:22:03,497 --> 00:22:06,973
Your Gaul's not pretty!
All because China is too far away?

423
00:22:06,997 --> 00:22:09,223
It's not you making the trip,
so what do you care?

424
00:22:09,247 --> 00:22:10,581
Am I wrong?

425
00:22:11,081 --> 00:22:12,441
It's Astérix and Obélix, as usual.

426
00:22:13,956 --> 00:22:16,432
Get this, if some idiots ever write
the story of our village,

427
00:22:16,456 --> 00:22:19,890
rest assured no one'll be calling it
<i>Adventures of Vitalstatistix the Gaul.</i>

428
00:22:19,914 --> 00:22:21,598
Even Dogmatix travels more than you!

429
00:22:21,622 --> 00:22:23,557
Do you hear that, Dogmatix?

430
00:22:26,456 --> 00:22:27,640
Oh man. That's brutal.

431
00:22:27,664 --> 00:22:30,057
Sure, when it's all about
magic potion and moustaches,

432
00:22:30,081 --> 00:22:31,140
then you're on board,

433
00:22:31,164 --> 00:22:33,456
but when things become delicate,
you disappear!

434
00:22:42,664 --> 00:22:43,641
Okay, go ahead, go on.

435
00:22:43,665 --> 00:22:46,057
Hurray!

436
00:22:46,081 --> 00:22:48,473
Thank you. I can't thank you enough.

437
00:22:48,497 --> 00:22:51,372
<i>♪ My dear companions as you leave ♪</i>

438
00:22:53,581 --> 00:22:55,872
<i>♪ My heart must come to realise ♪</i>

439
00:22:57,414 --> 00:22:59,182
<i>♪ It must be worn upon my sleeve... ♪</i>

440
00:23:08,581 --> 00:23:12,098
<i>Meanwhile, in the eternal,
and well-irrigated city of Rome,</i>

441
00:23:12,122 --> 00:23:15,432
<i>we join Julius Caesar
in his magnificent palace,</i>

442
00:23:15,456 --> 00:23:18,973
<i>revelling in domestic bliss
with the powerful Queen of Egypt,</i>

443
00:23:18,997 --> 00:23:22,057
<i>the gorgeous, mild-mannered Cleopatra.</i>

444
00:23:22,081 --> 00:23:26,581
I have had it!
You hear me? I have had it!

445
00:23:31,956 --> 00:23:33,307
Pray tell what all this is about?

446
00:23:33,331 --> 00:23:36,015
I'm packing all my things
and going back home.

447
00:23:36,039 --> 00:23:37,747
I should have listened to Mummy.

448
00:23:39,164 --> 00:23:41,057
Now that we're over, I can say it.

449
00:23:41,081 --> 00:23:43,348
- There is someone else.
- Someone else?

450
00:23:44,914 --> 00:23:46,539
You can't be serious!

451
00:23:47,831 --> 00:23:49,747
What do you mean, there's someone else?

452
00:23:50,622 --> 00:23:53,223
What do you mean?
Is this about Infidelitatis?

453
00:23:53,247 --> 00:23:54,622
That is right.

454
00:23:56,414 --> 00:23:57,497
And...

455
00:23:58,831 --> 00:24:01,664
and for whom
would you leave the Great Caesar?

456
00:24:03,039 --> 00:24:04,223
Tabascos!

457
00:24:04,247 --> 00:24:06,390
Tabascos?

458
00:24:06,414 --> 00:24:07,598
The Greek guy?

459
00:24:11,081 --> 00:24:13,223
Tabascos, the Greek.

460
00:24:13,247 --> 00:24:16,206
So you would be prepared
to leave the Great Caesar...

461
00:24:17,789 --> 00:24:19,747
for the pecs of a common gym teacher?

462
00:24:21,497 --> 00:24:24,497
Very well, we'll see about that
after the lions.

463
00:24:25,164 --> 00:24:27,622
Don't you dare whack my Tabascos!

464
00:24:28,247 --> 00:24:29,723
I love him, you understand?

465
00:24:29,747 --> 00:24:31,456
What... What's that, you love him?

466
00:24:32,872 --> 00:24:34,112
What do you mean, you love him?

467
00:24:35,122 --> 00:24:37,390
What could he possibly have
that I don't, huh?

468
00:24:37,414 --> 00:24:39,307
He is a world-famous athlete.

469
00:24:39,331 --> 00:24:41,807
As for you, outside of Rome and Gaul,
nobody knows you.

470
00:24:41,831 --> 00:24:42,831
Oof.

471
00:24:43,914 --> 00:24:46,557
Priceless! Nobody knows Julius Caesar?

472
00:24:46,581 --> 00:24:47,581
Well, go ahead.

473
00:24:48,122 --> 00:24:50,432
Follow your international ambitions
with your athlete.

474
00:24:50,456 --> 00:24:53,098
{\an8}Let the Greek tsat your ziki!

475
00:24:53,122 --> 00:24:54,807
Yes...

476
00:24:54,831 --> 00:24:56,598
Uh, if I may, oh Caesar?

477
00:24:56,622 --> 00:24:59,581
Minor marital strife, but it's settled.

478
00:25:00,206 --> 00:25:04,182
So speak, Slius Foxxus,
devious, homely advisor of mine.

479
00:25:04,206 --> 00:25:07,789
Hail, Caesar!
You are quite observant, you've nailed me.

480
00:25:16,206 --> 00:25:21,015
May I introduce Scar Dee Kat
the ambassador of Prince Deng Tsin Qin,

481
00:25:21,039 --> 00:25:22,515
the new master of China.

482
00:25:22,539 --> 00:25:26,182
How is it that an empire so large
has a representative so puny?

483
00:25:26,206 --> 00:25:29,473
Yeah, well, because it's not the size
that counts but the know-how, oh Caesar.

484
00:25:29,497 --> 00:25:31,098
And some men have neither!

485
00:25:34,414 --> 00:25:36,057
She's a beaut!

486
00:25:36,081 --> 00:25:37,515
What brings you, puny?

487
00:25:37,539 --> 00:25:39,723
Oh Caesar, I have come to offer you
the great riches

488
00:25:39,747 --> 00:25:41,140
of my adopted homeland

489
00:25:41,164 --> 00:25:43,557
in exchange for modest military aid.

490
00:25:43,581 --> 00:25:47,182
Even the great Alexander
gave up on conquering China.

491
00:25:47,206 --> 00:25:49,932
It's the perfect chance
to expand my empire...

492
00:25:49,956 --> 00:25:51,765
<i>Your</i> empire, oh Caesar.

493
00:25:51,789 --> 00:25:53,557
But I've had it with conquering,

494
00:25:53,581 --> 00:25:56,848
and my name in history
has already been forever immortalised.

495
00:25:56,872 --> 00:25:59,598
I love it when you talk like that.
I adore it!

496
00:25:59,622 --> 00:26:00,622
So well spoken.

497
00:26:01,289 --> 00:26:04,015
- Well spoken, eh?
- Biopix, my biographer from Galicia.

498
00:26:04,039 --> 00:26:06,557
The stupendous
accomplishments of mighty Caesar,

499
00:26:06,581 --> 00:26:08,140
what better story to tell?

500
00:26:08,164 --> 00:26:09,598
Enough. Begone, the two of you.

501
00:26:09,622 --> 00:26:13,432
Oh Caesar, since you wish
to go down in history, you must be aware

502
00:26:13,456 --> 00:26:15,640
that in China, you are less than a star.

503
00:26:15,664 --> 00:26:18,515
What did I say?

504
00:26:18,539 --> 00:26:20,497
I'm getting good and fed up now!

505
00:26:21,414 --> 00:26:24,390
I, Caesar, man of a thousand conquests,

506
00:26:24,414 --> 00:26:25,765
and no one even knows me?

507
00:26:25,789 --> 00:26:28,289
Alas.

508
00:26:38,747 --> 00:26:40,348
He speaks the truth.

509
00:26:40,372 --> 00:26:41,473
In China, at least.

510
00:26:41,497 --> 00:26:44,307
Go to your happy place, okay? Happy.

511
00:26:44,331 --> 00:26:45,932
Very well, Scar Dee Kat,

512
00:26:45,956 --> 00:26:48,307
step forward and describe this alliance

513
00:26:48,331 --> 00:26:49,473
and this empire...

514
00:26:49,497 --> 00:26:52,390
...that's about to see how great I am!

515
00:26:54,039 --> 00:26:57,598
Explain your plan to me,
and remember, this Caesar's seasoned.

516
00:27:01,081 --> 00:27:04,557
Alright, so I replaced your buggy
'cause you need something sturdy, right?

517
00:27:04,581 --> 00:27:07,723
This here's a ride. The best around,
on loan from Cousin Turbo.

518
00:27:07,747 --> 00:27:10,057
- I pimped it with boar bellies.
- Wow.

519
00:27:10,081 --> 00:27:12,890
That's right.
Shock-absorbing air cushions, like.

520
00:27:12,914 --> 00:27:13,914
And...

521
00:27:14,581 --> 00:27:15,558
the sun roof.

522
00:27:15,582 --> 00:27:16,848
Awesome.

523
00:27:16,872 --> 00:27:19,581
Let me tell you. It's the perfect chariot.

524
00:27:20,081 --> 00:27:21,081
It's magnificent.

525
00:27:25,414 --> 00:27:26,414
Right, let's go.

526
00:27:27,497 --> 00:27:30,497
Down you get.
Princess, care to board the chariot?

527
00:27:33,289 --> 00:27:34,997
Ah, tough bananas, thank you.

528
00:27:35,831 --> 00:27:38,247
Ah... We're in for a great trip, Princess.

529
00:27:40,081 --> 00:27:43,640
Astérix, I've prepared you
some magic potion.

530
00:27:43,664 --> 00:27:47,390
But since Obélix mentioned
you didn't want it, I wasn't so sure.

531
00:27:47,414 --> 00:27:48,706
No, I'm just... I'm just fine.

532
00:27:49,914 --> 00:27:51,598
I... Well...

533
00:27:51,622 --> 00:27:54,223
No harm having it just in case,
I guess, but...

534
00:27:54,247 --> 00:27:55,640
I'd like to cut down some.

535
00:27:55,664 --> 00:27:57,973
Alright, then be careful
because I beefed it up good.

536
00:28:04,372 --> 00:28:05,308
You sampled it?

537
00:28:05,332 --> 00:28:09,598
No, I, uh, took a sip, a tiny sip.
Had to taste.

538
00:28:09,622 --> 00:28:11,789
- You know, it's...
- Yeah, right.

539
00:28:12,372 --> 00:28:13,872
Good luck, Princess!

540
00:28:14,372 --> 00:28:15,598
As for you two,

541
00:28:15,622 --> 00:28:17,598
be brave, be reckless,

542
00:28:17,622 --> 00:28:21,265
and completely disingenuous.
In short, just be Gauls.

543
00:28:23,664 --> 00:28:25,164
Hang on tight, you lot!

544
00:28:25,956 --> 00:28:28,057
Oh, we didn't tell you,
it's a much faster return trip.

545
00:28:28,081 --> 00:28:30,723
"Faster return trip"...

546
00:28:30,747 --> 00:28:33,973
Excuse me, but, uh, I wish to point out

547
00:28:33,997 --> 00:28:39,182
that the role of a bard is to celebrate
our heroes and their exploits... Right?

548
00:28:39,206 --> 00:28:41,515
So what is my purpose,
if I don't ever get to travel, eh?

549
00:28:41,539 --> 00:28:43,390
- He's got a point.
- Go on, go on, go on.

550
00:28:43,414 --> 00:28:45,348
- Excellent idea.
- No, no, no, go. Fast.

551
00:28:45,372 --> 00:28:46,789
Cacophonix will travel with you...

552
00:28:50,539 --> 00:28:52,598
Oh no. They forgot me!

553
00:28:52,622 --> 00:28:53,723
Oh.

554
00:28:53,747 --> 00:28:56,765
<i>♪ They forgot me! ♪</i>

555
00:29:00,872 --> 00:29:02,348
ARMORICA

556
00:29:02,372 --> 00:29:05,765
<i>And so our friends set off
at high speed toward the South,</i>

557
00:29:05,789 --> 00:29:09,098
<i>favouring the maritime course which,
according to Get a fix,</i>

558
00:29:09,122 --> 00:29:11,372
<i>is faster than the Silk Road.</i>

559
00:29:11,997 --> 00:29:15,598
<i>After rowing across the Mediterranean,
thanks to Obélix,</i>

560
00:29:15,622 --> 00:29:17,664
<i>they reach northern Africa.</i>

561
00:29:24,914 --> 00:29:26,390
Friction and wring.

562
00:29:26,414 --> 00:29:28,872
I don't know how.
I was supposed to learn Kung Fu.

563
00:29:31,789 --> 00:29:33,039
Friction.

564
00:29:33,997 --> 00:29:35,372
And wring.

565
00:29:41,164 --> 00:29:43,348
Oh, uh, It's happening again.

566
00:29:44,872 --> 00:29:46,807
Astérix? Enjoying the view?

567
00:29:46,831 --> 00:29:48,265
Want some barley beer? A chair?

568
00:29:48,289 --> 00:29:50,122
Be right back! Coming right up.

569
00:29:50,622 --> 00:29:53,223
Nothing's coming right up!
What are you playing at?

570
00:29:53,247 --> 00:29:54,390
The same thing as you.

571
00:29:54,414 --> 00:29:57,831
Does she know that you spy on her?
Well, maybe I'll tell her.

572
00:30:01,331 --> 00:30:02,331
She's magnificent.

573
00:30:02,872 --> 00:30:04,848
She's learning to launder
'cause she knows

574
00:30:04,872 --> 00:30:06,848
her routine
will be rougher in Gaul with me, hmm?

575
00:30:06,872 --> 00:30:09,390
She's preparing for her new life.

576
00:30:09,414 --> 00:30:11,765
The Princess of China, in Gaul?
Living with peasants?

577
00:30:11,789 --> 00:30:13,723
Really?

578
00:30:13,747 --> 00:30:16,807
What part of, "Sa See and I are an item,"
do you not get the meaning of?

579
00:30:16,831 --> 00:30:18,890
- You're not an item.
- We are so an item.

580
00:30:18,914 --> 00:30:20,265
Going on six months.

581
00:30:20,289 --> 00:30:23,140
- You are?
- Oh, gimme a break!

582
00:30:23,164 --> 00:30:25,140
I'll make this really simple for you.

583
00:30:25,164 --> 00:30:27,932
Sa See and I are together.
We're in love, we're getting married.

584
00:30:27,956 --> 00:30:30,557
Oh! Congratulations, Bankruptis.

585
00:30:30,581 --> 00:30:32,348
- Many thanks, Obélix.
- I just love weddings.

586
00:30:32,372 --> 00:30:33,973
I do. With a banquet?

587
00:30:33,997 --> 00:30:37,432
With a banquet, and you know what Obélix?
You'll be best man.

588
00:30:37,456 --> 00:30:40,557
Oh! Gee, thank you!
I've never been a best man before.

589
00:30:40,581 --> 00:30:43,640
Now, Obélix, would you, please,
not swallow any old story,

590
00:30:43,664 --> 00:30:44,848
it's intensely aggravating.

591
00:30:44,872 --> 00:30:46,890
If they're in love,
they're in love, it's not my fault.

592
00:30:46,914 --> 00:30:49,140
- It's so obvious.
- They are <i>not</i> in love.

593
00:30:49,164 --> 00:30:51,557
And until she's <i>with</i> somebody,
she's not with anyone.

594
00:30:51,581 --> 00:30:52,765
May the best man win.

595
00:30:52,789 --> 00:30:56,164
I just can't wait to see her face
when I'm gonna tell her,

596
00:30:56,872 --> 00:30:58,973
you're just posing as a Gaul.
And you're a fake blonde.

597
00:30:58,997 --> 00:31:01,932
Oh yeah? Well, I also can't wait
to see her face,

598
00:31:01,956 --> 00:31:03,390
when I tell her your moustache is all...

599
00:31:03,414 --> 00:31:04,890
Yeah, well, what about my moustache?

600
00:31:04,914 --> 00:31:06,664
- Your moustache.
- Yeah? Yeah?

601
00:31:07,372 --> 00:31:08,349
It's really horrible.

602
00:31:08,373 --> 00:31:09,706
Oh no.

603
00:31:11,622 --> 00:31:13,015
So rude.

604
00:31:13,039 --> 00:31:14,581
Yeah. So there.

605
00:31:15,456 --> 00:31:17,515
- That was uncalled for.
- Not the moustache. Come on.

606
00:31:17,539 --> 00:31:19,182
I shouldn't have,
but he shouldn't have pushed it.

607
00:31:19,206 --> 00:31:20,682
Moustache is off limits.

608
00:31:20,706 --> 00:31:22,890
What's he doing?

609
00:31:22,914 --> 00:31:25,890
- Might be.
- Dobbing us in. He's spilling the beans!

610
00:31:25,914 --> 00:31:28,015
And he's supposed to be your friend?

611
00:31:28,039 --> 00:31:29,473
Oh, let's leave. Let's go.

612
00:31:29,497 --> 00:31:32,682
What are you doing?

613
00:31:32,706 --> 00:31:37,015
We're doing nothing. Actually, yes,
we were looking for a... a date! Is all.

614
00:31:37,039 --> 00:31:39,932
- For the wedding.
- Yeah. No. We want to eat the fruit.

615
00:31:39,956 --> 00:31:41,140
- To eat the fruit.
- At the wedding.

616
00:31:41,164 --> 00:31:42,515
No. To eat it here.

617
00:31:42,539 --> 00:31:44,914
- I'm the best man.
- Ah... This is impossible.

618
00:31:45,622 --> 00:31:47,206
This guy's on a loop.

619
00:31:48,206 --> 00:31:50,581
Right, we're off. Pardon me.

620
00:31:51,497 --> 00:31:53,914
Did you not
get the "shut up" memo?

621
00:31:59,706 --> 00:32:01,206
Goodnight, Mr. Know-It-All!

622
00:32:02,706 --> 00:32:04,331
Goodnight,
Mr. I-Got-A-New-Best-Friend.

623
00:32:05,831 --> 00:32:07,098
Goodnight, Mr. Vegetables!

624
00:32:07,122 --> 00:32:10,348
Oh, love those vegetables! Yummy!

625
00:32:10,372 --> 00:32:12,057
Goodnight, Mr. Wannabe-A-Blonde.

626
00:32:12,081 --> 00:32:13,058
Goodnight, Mr...

627
00:32:13,082 --> 00:32:14,557
Just say goodnight and be done!

628
00:32:14,581 --> 00:32:15,516
Mm.

629
00:32:15,540 --> 00:32:16,640
He started it. He did.

630
00:32:16,664 --> 00:32:17,997
Good night, Ka Ra Tay.

631
00:32:22,206 --> 00:32:23,414
Ka Ra Tay.

632
00:32:24,247 --> 00:32:26,348
Do you believe
that my mother's still alive?

633
00:32:26,372 --> 00:32:29,872
The Empress is heir
to the Heavens, Princess.

634
00:32:30,372 --> 00:32:31,956
Nothing bad can become of her.

635
00:32:35,331 --> 00:32:37,723
Goodnight, Mr. "I'm in love
with someone and I can't even tell her."

636
00:32:37,747 --> 00:32:41,515
Goodnight, Mr. "I make no sense and
I'm so huge no one can see past my belly."

637
00:32:41,539 --> 00:32:45,098
Goodnight, Mr. "I sleep alone like I'm
an itsy-bitsy insect, like this big."

638
00:32:45,122 --> 00:32:46,598
- Oh!
- That's enough!

639
00:32:46,622 --> 00:32:48,497
- Yep.
- Got it. Sorry.

640
00:33:08,997 --> 00:33:10,390
Well, hello!

641
00:33:10,414 --> 00:33:12,872
How you feeling? Did you have a good trip?

642
00:33:28,539 --> 00:33:30,348
Your daughter remains missing.
We've searched too long,

643
00:33:30,372 --> 00:33:31,598
and the country is too vast.

644
00:33:31,622 --> 00:33:34,223
And good morning.
There's two of us in the room.

645
00:33:34,247 --> 00:33:36,390
- Who are you again?
- The minute my allies are here,

646
00:33:36,414 --> 00:33:37,682
I'll have you decapitated.

647
00:33:37,706 --> 00:33:40,182
There you go, I'm good.
You had me at decapitated.

648
00:33:40,206 --> 00:33:42,098
You're the guy who enjoys decapitations.

649
00:33:42,122 --> 00:33:43,206
And you too, merchant.

650
00:33:43,831 --> 00:33:45,557
Not me, I've got nothing to do with this.

651
00:33:45,581 --> 00:33:48,261
- I'll give you some advice, though...
- Your balls are on the line.

652
00:33:52,789 --> 00:33:54,247
Day one.

653
00:33:54,747 --> 00:33:57,706
At the end of the abacus,
if the Princess hasn't been captured,

654
00:33:58,956 --> 00:34:00,206
the two of you...

655
00:34:03,081 --> 00:34:04,182
We have two lives.

656
00:34:04,206 --> 00:34:07,331
The second one begins
when we realise we have only one.

657
00:34:08,997 --> 00:34:09,997
I thank you for that.

658
00:34:11,789 --> 00:34:13,414
Wow!

659
00:34:13,914 --> 00:34:17,140
Ah, now, there is a real Empress.
That's so good.

660
00:34:17,164 --> 00:34:19,807
"We have two lives,
and it's finished when you..."

661
00:34:19,831 --> 00:34:23,057
And your second one begins
when the first, uh... the first life...

662
00:34:23,081 --> 00:34:25,057
of which we only have two.

663
00:34:25,081 --> 00:34:28,598
And only when they begin do we...
Thank you for that.

664
00:34:28,622 --> 00:34:30,622
The first life begins...

665
00:34:35,039 --> 00:34:38,265
<i>Meanwhile, Caesar,
his powerful army, and Scar Dee Kat</i>

666
00:34:38,289 --> 00:34:39,640
<i>have taken the Silk Road,</i>

667
00:34:39,664 --> 00:34:42,848
<i>and are hurtling towards China
at breakneck speed.</i>

668
00:34:42,872 --> 00:34:43,872
<i>Well, sort of.</i>

669
00:34:45,122 --> 00:34:46,765
Silk Road, Schmilk Road!

670
00:34:46,789 --> 00:34:49,206
You got us good and lost!
You just won't admit it.

671
00:34:49,956 --> 00:34:51,890
Woopsus!
Where are you taking us?

672
00:34:51,914 --> 00:34:54,682
At least nine thousand men
have wandered North!

673
00:34:54,706 --> 00:34:56,348
I'm not gonna take it anymore!

674
00:34:56,372 --> 00:34:58,081
I can't work like this!

675
00:34:58,706 --> 00:35:00,456
Join the Army, they said.

676
00:35:04,581 --> 00:35:06,723
Woopsus,
do we go around left or right?

677
00:35:06,747 --> 00:35:09,015
That's a no-brain us,
we should go left.

678
00:35:09,039 --> 00:35:10,807
Ergo, we will go right.

679
00:35:10,831 --> 00:35:11,808
Excuse me,

680
00:35:11,832 --> 00:35:13,890
how long's all this left-right-left stuff
gonna last?

681
00:35:13,914 --> 00:35:16,473
'Cause at this rate,
we'll never get to China.

682
00:35:16,497 --> 00:35:17,932
Who does this man think he is?

683
00:35:17,956 --> 00:35:20,473
Hail, Caesar.
Risklus, secret service.

684
00:35:20,497 --> 00:35:24,473
Hail, Caesar. Risklus, secret service.

685
00:35:24,497 --> 00:35:27,848
Yes, we know. Everyone knows you.
Why are you here? And where is Antivirus?

686
00:35:27,872 --> 00:35:32,039
Still on the front line in Milan.
I don't think he's opening my pigeons.

687
00:35:33,623 --> 00:35:34,956
But, Caesar, I am here.

688
00:35:35,789 --> 00:35:36,599
Not as impressive.

689
00:35:36,623 --> 00:35:38,682
Not as impressive at all.

690
00:35:38,706 --> 00:35:40,265
Right. What do you want?

691
00:35:40,289 --> 00:35:44,015
Oh mighty Caesar, Carioca,
your chief dancer, requests a hearing.

692
00:35:44,039 --> 00:35:47,015
Uh, she got all sorts of claims
for respect and all that.

693
00:35:47,039 --> 00:35:48,473
Should I just slug her?

694
00:35:48,497 --> 00:35:49,497
What's wrong with you?

695
00:35:50,164 --> 00:35:52,414
- Show her in.
- Huh!

696
00:35:53,497 --> 00:35:55,456
Oy! Uh, Tapioca!

697
00:36:01,956 --> 00:36:04,057
So, Carioca. What can I do for you?

698
00:36:04,081 --> 00:36:08,015
Oh Caesar, we just received
our new costumes. And guess what?

699
00:36:08,039 --> 00:36:10,206
Shorter than ever. I wonder why.

700
00:36:11,706 --> 00:36:13,182
If what you wanted was go-go taverns,

701
00:36:13,206 --> 00:36:14,932
you should've stayed in Rome,
plenty there.

702
00:36:14,956 --> 00:36:16,973
Ooh, wouldn't know, I do apologise.

703
00:36:16,997 --> 00:36:19,640
Oh, you do!
The Palladium, behind the market.

704
00:36:19,664 --> 00:36:21,515
By the Circus,
between Sternum's and Scrotum's.

705
00:36:21,539 --> 00:36:22,747
Right.

706
00:36:23,706 --> 00:36:26,932
Is that what you want, Carioca?
Knee-length costumes for your dancers?

707
00:36:26,956 --> 00:36:30,140
For a start.
Plus, moving forward, we could discuss

708
00:36:30,164 --> 00:36:33,098
the issue of the place of women
in our society, pretty long overdue.

709
00:36:33,122 --> 00:36:35,473
Look, it's all about the men,
around here. Right?

710
00:36:35,497 --> 00:36:37,265
Gladiators? All men.

711
00:36:37,289 --> 00:36:40,348
Senators? All of them, men.
Your legions, of course, are all male.

712
00:36:40,372 --> 00:36:41,390
And Caesars?

713
00:36:41,414 --> 00:36:43,932
- Nothing but males!
- So a Juliet Caesar'd be better?

714
00:36:47,956 --> 00:36:49,682
You want Rome
to be ruled over by a female?

715
00:36:52,164 --> 00:36:53,164
That's right.

716
00:37:01,414 --> 00:37:03,098
<i>Back to our friends,</i>

717
00:37:03,122 --> 00:37:05,765
<i>who have crossed
the vast Egyptian deserts,</i>

718
00:37:05,789 --> 00:37:08,057
<i>under the scorching sun,</i>

719
00:37:08,081 --> 00:37:11,890
<i>finally reaching the Red Sea,
and the city of Clysma,</i>

720
00:37:11,914 --> 00:37:15,557
<i>a small Egyptian harbour
later to be known as Suez.</i>

721
00:37:15,581 --> 00:37:17,539
<i>Yeah, as in the Suez Canal.</i>

722
00:37:23,706 --> 00:37:25,598
If it's a captain we're after,

723
00:37:25,622 --> 00:37:27,390
I guarantee we'll find one here.

724
00:37:27,414 --> 00:37:30,807
Oh, look Astérix,
the tavern's named after Lutetia, in Gaul!

725
00:37:30,831 --> 00:37:37,664
<i>♪ Dare to come
And cast the first stone ♪</i>

726
00:37:40,581 --> 00:37:43,098
<i>♪ To fall for one head over heels ♪</i>

727
00:37:43,122 --> 00:37:45,182
<i>♪ Leaves a wound that never heals ♪</i>

728
00:37:45,206 --> 00:37:49,247
<i>♪ But the love you feel is the real deal ♪</i>

729
00:37:51,747 --> 00:37:55,598
<i>♪ So don't be harsh or disapprove ♪</i>

730
00:37:55,622 --> 00:37:56,765
<i>♪ When a woman ♪</i>

731
00:37:56,789 --> 00:37:58,497
- <i>♪ Falls in love ♪</i>
- No.

732
00:37:59,956 --> 00:38:01,140
Nope. You don't know it.

733
00:38:01,164 --> 00:38:02,807
I do know it, pal.

734
00:38:02,831 --> 00:38:05,348
<i>♪ With a man who sweeps her off her feet ♪</i>

735
00:38:05,372 --> 00:38:06,515
Wow!

736
00:38:06,539 --> 00:38:08,539
Wow, bravo!

737
00:38:11,914 --> 00:38:13,598
See that? That's Gaul right there.

738
00:38:13,622 --> 00:38:15,098
I just love it here!

739
00:38:15,122 --> 00:38:17,598
That's exactly my idea
of what Lutetia'd be like!

740
00:38:17,622 --> 00:38:19,473
Tipsy! Tipsy!

741
00:38:19,497 --> 00:38:20,539
Mine too.

742
00:38:25,456 --> 00:38:27,890
Oh, this is good. So good!
I bet you're a Gaul.

743
00:38:27,914 --> 00:38:30,182
Oh, yeah, big boy. Born and bred.

744
00:38:30,206 --> 00:38:33,057
- Have you been here a long time?
- Been a while, I'd say.

745
00:38:33,081 --> 00:38:36,973
Used to run a small cabaret in Lutetia.
Turned a good profit, packed every night.

746
00:38:36,997 --> 00:38:39,098
But I fell for the wrong sort of guy.

747
00:38:39,122 --> 00:38:41,265
Some little punk
wanted me to hustle for him.

748
00:38:41,289 --> 00:38:43,473
What he really wanted was
to gouge me outta my business.

749
00:38:43,497 --> 00:38:47,057
So who took her loot
and flew the coop all the way out here?

750
00:38:47,081 --> 00:38:49,331
Tipsy, baby! That's right!

751
00:38:49,914 --> 00:38:51,932
What about you blondies?
What brought you here?

752
00:38:51,956 --> 00:38:54,140
We're after the best captain in town.

753
00:38:54,164 --> 00:38:56,581
Oh! That guy over there, that's Titanix.

754
00:38:58,664 --> 00:38:59,932
Is he tough?

755
00:38:59,956 --> 00:39:02,831
Titanix?
The guy's a champ, hook, line and sinker!

756
00:39:03,372 --> 00:39:06,497
- Hmm. Thanks for the tip, Tipsy.
- From one Gaul to another!

757
00:39:07,497 --> 00:39:09,140
Normally we keep mutts outside.

758
00:39:09,164 --> 00:39:10,914
But I like the look of you.

759
00:39:17,247 --> 00:39:19,598
We want to charter a boat to China.

760
00:39:19,622 --> 00:39:22,456
To China, on a boat?
I can't be bothered with that.

761
00:39:23,414 --> 00:39:24,765
What I can offer is this.

762
00:39:24,789 --> 00:39:28,807
Day tour of the Creeks of Clysma.
All the kebabs you can eat, beaches,

763
00:39:28,831 --> 00:39:30,515
great sunsets...

764
00:39:30,539 --> 00:39:32,164
Super package.

765
00:39:32,747 --> 00:39:34,932
Well, I mean not for now. For later.

766
00:39:34,956 --> 00:39:37,206
This gem is worth more than your boat.

767
00:39:38,206 --> 00:39:39,806
Perfect, why didn't you start with that?

768
00:39:40,331 --> 00:39:42,432
- Hey, what's...
- You out of your minds?

769
00:39:42,456 --> 00:39:44,515
Think I came this far
for you to shake me down?

770
00:39:44,539 --> 00:39:47,348
Now take a hike before I get my whip!

771
00:39:47,372 --> 00:39:49,557
Looks like Tipsy's coming up
to her tipping point.

772
00:39:49,581 --> 00:39:53,515
- What's the trouble, Tipsy?
- These gentlemen wanna raid my pockets.

773
00:39:53,539 --> 00:39:55,515
I'm gonna give them
a taste of their own medicine!

774
00:39:55,539 --> 00:39:58,206
Nobody messes with Tipsy!

775
00:39:58,747 --> 00:40:01,015
Might you be a bit light-weight
for all this?

776
00:40:01,039 --> 00:40:02,914
What do you want with the lady?

777
00:40:04,331 --> 00:40:05,331
Who's the lightweight?

778
00:40:09,872 --> 00:40:11,015
He's funny.

779
00:40:11,039 --> 00:40:12,890
You know, Princess, in Gaul,

780
00:40:12,914 --> 00:40:15,872
when three-hundred pound guys
say certain things,

781
00:40:16,539 --> 00:40:18,973
the feather weights don't buy it!

782
00:40:23,206 --> 00:40:25,265
Hmm...

783
00:40:26,789 --> 00:40:27,789
Mm-hmm. Mm.

784
00:40:28,914 --> 00:40:30,664
Mm.

785
00:40:46,497 --> 00:40:47,581
Whoa, it's a lizard!

786
00:40:52,956 --> 00:40:53,956
Whoa.

787
00:40:55,831 --> 00:40:57,164
What's happening here?

788
00:41:07,872 --> 00:41:10,723
This is potent stuff.
He went overboard on this one.

789
00:41:10,747 --> 00:41:12,765
Hey, hey! Come on, give me a taste.

790
00:41:12,789 --> 00:41:14,723
- We won't tell anyone.
- This one even less.

791
00:41:18,664 --> 00:41:20,331
You get one. Take your pick.

792
00:41:20,914 --> 00:41:22,372
I'll take the big one, then.

793
00:41:25,414 --> 00:41:26,456
Gentlemen.

794
00:41:35,872 --> 00:41:39,723
I'm not allowed to drink any 'cause
I fell in the cauldron when I was a kid.

795
00:41:39,747 --> 00:41:41,456
So this won't hurt as much.

796
00:42:00,289 --> 00:42:03,640
So imagine this. A mini
amphora with two little wings painted on.

797
00:42:03,664 --> 00:42:05,807
Inside, we put a tiny drop
of magic potion,

798
00:42:05,831 --> 00:42:07,473
just enough to give you a good boost.

799
00:42:07,497 --> 00:42:10,015
We sell the beverage as a power drink...

800
00:42:10,039 --> 00:42:13,057
I'm still working on the concept
but I will come up with a name.

801
00:42:13,081 --> 00:42:15,765
In Rome, with all the orgies,

802
00:42:15,789 --> 00:42:17,932
youngsters dancing till the break of dawn,

803
00:42:17,956 --> 00:42:19,057
we'd make a killing.

804
00:42:19,081 --> 00:42:22,247
Well, I'm your man
for all things transport.

805
00:42:22,997 --> 00:42:25,890
- What's that you're doing?
- It is Tai Chi.

806
00:42:25,914 --> 00:42:28,789
An ancient Chinese technique
to recharge the body's energy.

807
00:42:29,789 --> 00:42:31,723
It's wild that we should meet now.

808
00:42:31,747 --> 00:42:35,122
My life's just taken a new direction
that's totally in step with your culture.

809
00:42:35,747 --> 00:42:38,914
Balance, nutrition, energy,
all that good stuff, you know.

810
00:42:39,747 --> 00:42:41,140
I can tell we're really connected.

811
00:42:41,164 --> 00:42:42,247
Hmm...

812
00:42:46,872 --> 00:42:48,807
- You finished?
- Now we meditate.

813
00:42:48,831 --> 00:42:50,622
- Yeah!
- No speaking.

814
00:42:56,872 --> 00:42:58,789
That coin is something else.

815
00:43:00,872 --> 00:43:02,432
That's you?

816
00:43:02,456 --> 00:43:05,081
Yeah. A gift from my mother.

817
00:43:06,289 --> 00:43:07,890
She must love you so much.

818
00:43:10,664 --> 00:43:13,789
When she gave it to me,
I didn't even smile.

819
00:43:14,956 --> 00:43:16,807
You need not worry, Princess.

820
00:43:16,831 --> 00:43:18,664
I will free your mother, trust me.

821
00:43:19,789 --> 00:43:21,372
I am here for you.

822
00:43:21,872 --> 00:43:23,307
Excuse me, if I may,

823
00:43:23,331 --> 00:43:27,557
for starters, <i>we</i> are here for you!
And some of us showed up, for you

824
00:43:27,581 --> 00:43:29,432
right at the beginning of the adventure.

825
00:43:29,456 --> 00:43:30,848
Sorry, excuse me.

826
00:43:30,872 --> 00:43:32,414
Princess...

827
00:43:38,206 --> 00:43:40,932
What are you doing?
No, you moved two balls.

828
00:43:40,956 --> 00:43:42,765
- No.
- Put one back. Yeah, you did.

829
00:43:42,789 --> 00:43:45,515
You moved two balls, put one back.
Don't you go pushing my balls.

830
00:43:45,539 --> 00:43:47,098
Not that I'm not loving this place.

831
00:43:47,122 --> 00:43:50,997
I mean... Speaking of which,
did you put any thought towards

832
00:43:52,122 --> 00:43:53,789
my proposition?

833
00:43:56,039 --> 00:43:57,914
This one is gonna be a toughie.

834
00:43:58,497 --> 00:44:00,890
Having said that,
I'm used to tough negotiations!

835
00:44:00,914 --> 00:44:02,765
- Ekonomikrisis?
- Yeah?

836
00:44:02,789 --> 00:44:04,456
If one day we get out,

837
00:44:04,956 --> 00:44:07,598
would you like to continue
doing business in China?

838
00:44:07,622 --> 00:44:09,872
- Oh yes! Very much!
- Then talk no more.

839
00:44:11,664 --> 00:44:13,914
You've been placed
in my cell to torture me.

840
00:44:14,539 --> 00:44:15,831
Well that's putting it strongly.

841
00:44:16,956 --> 00:44:18,581
Maybe it's just...

842
00:44:19,081 --> 00:44:20,664
destiny that chose us.

843
00:44:21,164 --> 00:44:22,914
The "Maktub" as we say at home.

844
00:44:24,164 --> 00:44:26,557
You are beautiful
when you're angry, you know.

845
00:44:36,622 --> 00:44:37,664
Ah!

846
00:44:40,539 --> 00:44:42,581
Oh boy!

847
00:44:45,622 --> 00:44:49,098
Gentlemen, here on the Red Sea,
we're done with bad encounters.

848
00:44:49,122 --> 00:44:51,598
Who's the predator out here? Eh?

849
00:44:51,622 --> 00:44:53,348
- We are!
- That's right!

850
00:44:54,831 --> 00:44:57,164
Ship ahoy!

851
00:44:58,456 --> 00:44:59,349
Many thanks, lookout!

852
00:44:59,373 --> 00:45:00,973
- Doing my job!
- Lads,

853
00:45:00,997 --> 00:45:03,640
this lavish ship will not escape us.

854
00:45:03,664 --> 00:45:04,765
Tonight we sleep in silk.

855
00:45:15,581 --> 00:45:17,706
It's the Gau... It's the Gau...

856
00:45:20,164 --> 00:45:24,473
- The Gauls are here?
- It's the Gauls!

857
00:45:25,956 --> 00:45:27,557
Yoo-hoo!

858
00:45:27,581 --> 00:45:29,664
Hello, little pirates!

859
00:45:30,372 --> 00:45:33,223
No, no, no, no...

860
00:45:33,247 --> 00:45:34,515
Not the Gauls!

861
00:45:34,539 --> 00:45:36,390
Why's it always land on us?

862
00:45:36,414 --> 00:45:38,289
We're not the only ones on the water!

863
00:45:38,914 --> 00:45:39,766
Morning.

864
00:45:39,790 --> 00:45:41,598
Would you consider pretending
you never saw us?

865
00:45:41,622 --> 00:45:43,182
But we did see you, though.

866
00:45:43,206 --> 00:45:44,557
Can't argue with that.

867
00:45:44,581 --> 00:45:47,997
Prepare our defences! Go, go, go!

868
00:45:52,206 --> 00:45:54,682
To think I just had
the paint redone.

869
00:45:54,706 --> 00:45:56,932
Go easy, will you?

870
00:46:00,872 --> 00:46:03,765
- It's not like I'm happy about it.
- Pff, whatever.

871
00:46:03,789 --> 00:46:04,956
No, no, you wait!

872
00:46:05,914 --> 00:46:08,140
I'll show you how we rumble in my country.

873
00:46:08,164 --> 00:46:10,247
Hmm?

874
00:46:25,789 --> 00:46:27,039
Uh, what should we do, Captain?

875
00:46:27,789 --> 00:46:29,640
- Well, uh...
- Got a bad feeling personally.

876
00:46:29,664 --> 00:46:31,622
We're still doing this. Prepare to attack.

877
00:46:34,206 --> 00:46:36,640
No, stop that! No, back you go!

878
00:46:36,664 --> 00:46:39,973
Michael, get back there.
Michael, no. Michael?

879
00:46:50,914 --> 00:46:52,515
Ow, ow, ow!

880
00:46:52,539 --> 00:46:54,057
Oh, that one's gotta really hurt.

881
00:47:02,372 --> 00:47:03,664
She got how many feet?

882
00:47:05,039 --> 00:47:07,206
Lads, let me through, please?

883
00:47:10,164 --> 00:47:11,307
I'm really sorry, Captain.

884
00:47:11,331 --> 00:47:14,307
- Where you goin'?
- My heart will go on!

885
00:47:14,331 --> 00:47:15,557
No!

886
00:47:15,581 --> 00:47:17,164
Look out behind you!

887
00:47:18,247 --> 00:47:19,331
Oh no!

888
00:47:21,581 --> 00:47:23,372
Hey, calm yourself down, you psycho!

889
00:47:36,081 --> 00:47:40,414
<i>♪ Say you, say me ♪</i>

890
00:47:41,581 --> 00:47:43,872
<i>♪ Say it for always ♪</i>

891
00:47:45,914 --> 00:47:48,497
<i>♪ That's the way it should be ♪</i>

892
00:47:51,039 --> 00:47:54,747
<i>♪ Say you, say me ♪</i>

893
00:47:56,622 --> 00:47:58,164
<i>♪ Say it together ♪</i>

894
00:48:00,539 --> 00:48:02,872
<i>♪ Naturally ♪</i>

895
00:48:03,997 --> 00:48:07,432
Comrades,
the official version of the shipwreck is,

896
00:48:07,456 --> 00:48:10,265
we ran into a Chinese tornado.

897
00:48:19,581 --> 00:48:20,581
Uh, may I?

898
00:48:21,164 --> 00:48:22,664
Yes.

899
00:48:25,081 --> 00:48:27,414
Beautiful, isn't it?

900
00:48:28,497 --> 00:48:29,956
I wanted to say,

901
00:48:30,456 --> 00:48:32,206
you fight really well.

902
00:48:32,914 --> 00:48:34,081
Thank you.

903
00:48:35,081 --> 00:48:37,390
And why is it that you never drink
any potion?

904
00:48:37,414 --> 00:48:38,747
Well, I'm not allowed.

905
00:48:40,539 --> 00:48:43,414
It might be dangerous. One does too many.

906
00:48:45,956 --> 00:48:49,515
Must admit I would've loved
to feel that rush just one more time.

907
00:49:24,497 --> 00:49:25,581
Wow!

908
00:49:38,497 --> 00:49:39,497
Obélix?

909
00:49:41,997 --> 00:49:43,372
Mama!

910
00:49:48,414 --> 00:49:50,223
The feeling's extraordinary.

911
00:49:50,247 --> 00:49:51,890
Like you're fizzy in the head,

912
00:49:51,914 --> 00:49:55,034
then in your whole body. It's a bit like
when you fall in love, or so they say.

913
00:50:21,122 --> 00:50:23,289
<i>Having at last found their way,</i>

914
00:50:24,122 --> 00:50:27,997
<i>Caesar and his mighty legions
have crossed Persia,</i>

915
00:50:28,497 --> 00:50:31,723
<i>the mountains of India,
the Mongolian steppes,</i>

916
00:50:31,747 --> 00:50:34,515
<i>and have finally reached
the gates of China,</i>

917
00:50:34,539 --> 00:50:38,640
<i>where the despicable Deng Tsin Qin
is honing his evil plan</i>

918
00:50:38,664 --> 00:50:41,039
<i>to control the Six Kingdoms.</i>

919
00:50:47,747 --> 00:50:48,747
Hail, hail.

920
00:50:49,206 --> 00:50:51,390
- So this here is the war?
- Prince Deng Tsin Qin,

921
00:50:51,414 --> 00:50:53,390
allow me to introduce...

922
00:50:53,414 --> 00:50:55,098
Julius Caesar. Himself.

923
00:50:55,122 --> 00:50:57,098
I know you're impressed,
keep calm and breathe deeply.

924
00:50:57,122 --> 00:51:00,098
Everything's gonna be fine.
So where are these rebels?

925
00:51:00,122 --> 00:51:02,223
I'm told you're having a tough time
keeping them in line?

926
00:51:02,247 --> 00:51:03,390
War isn't a hobby, you know.

927
00:51:03,414 --> 00:51:06,039
You're well advised to bring in the pros.

928
00:51:07,497 --> 00:51:09,182
Bit of a mess, this is, don't you think?

929
00:51:09,206 --> 00:51:13,557
Oh no. We follow the precepts of Sun Tzu,
the great Chinese strategist.

930
00:51:13,581 --> 00:51:15,247
He wrote the <i>Art of War,</i> you know.

931
00:51:15,997 --> 00:51:17,140
Fart of war, more like.

932
00:51:18,789 --> 00:51:20,348
All right, kiddos, keep your eyes open,

933
00:51:20,372 --> 00:51:22,789
'cause this is gonna be over
in a heartbeat. Huh?

934
00:51:23,414 --> 00:51:24,224
Here goes.

935
00:51:24,248 --> 00:51:26,140
{\an8}- If you want peace...
- Prepare for war.

936
00:51:26,164 --> 00:51:28,473
{\an8}Exactly.

937
00:51:28,497 --> 00:51:30,848
- He's insufferable.
- He's deeply ill.

938
00:51:30,872 --> 00:51:33,515
And pretentious, first decan cancers,
heads are up their butts.

939
00:51:33,539 --> 00:51:34,640
Huh?

940
00:51:34,664 --> 00:51:37,206
I'm disappointed.
I'm going to bed, I'm jet lagged.

941
00:51:41,581 --> 00:51:42,765
- Biopix!
- Mm?

942
00:51:42,789 --> 00:51:46,557
New chapter. After "Caesar The Seducer,".

943
00:51:46,581 --> 00:51:47,973
"Caesar The Strategist."

944
00:51:47,997 --> 00:51:51,098
Hold on, I change the scrolls
and I'm right with you.

945
00:51:51,122 --> 00:51:52,348
- Helmet.
- Gallopus!

946
00:52:04,081 --> 00:52:05,081
Gladius.

947
00:52:08,622 --> 00:52:09,433
The heck is this?

948
00:52:09,457 --> 00:52:12,831
- Last time, you did hurt yourself with...
- Right, I get it, I get it!

949
00:52:13,331 --> 00:52:14,973
Has anyone heard from Antivirus?

950
00:52:14,997 --> 00:52:17,223
He's here, and ready, mighty Caesar.

951
00:52:17,247 --> 00:52:18,390
Let's do this.

952
00:52:23,497 --> 00:52:24,349
Everyone!

953
00:52:24,373 --> 00:52:27,890
<i>♪ Anti, Antivirus! ♪</i>

954
00:52:27,914 --> 00:52:29,140
Ooh, goosebumps.

955
00:52:29,164 --> 00:52:30,432
And me.

956
00:52:30,456 --> 00:52:33,682
<i>♪ Anti, Antivirus! ♪</i>

957
00:53:22,372 --> 00:53:24,039
{\an8}CHINA SEA

958
00:53:40,247 --> 00:53:43,956
<i>♪ Anti, Antivirus! ♪</i>

959
00:53:45,997 --> 00:53:49,890
<i>♪ Anti, Antivirus! ♪</i>

960
00:53:49,914 --> 00:53:51,289
Antivirus, I love you!

961
00:53:51,914 --> 00:53:55,872
<i>♪ Anti, Antivirus! ♪</i>

962
00:53:57,872 --> 00:54:02,456
<i>♪ Anti, Antivirus! ♪</i>

963
00:54:04,372 --> 00:54:07,515
Antivirus, you wanna go viral,

964
00:54:07,539 --> 00:54:09,390
but don't push it,
that was hard on my back.

965
00:54:09,414 --> 00:54:11,473
You wanted Antivirus,

966
00:54:11,497 --> 00:54:13,348
I gave you Antivirus.

967
00:54:13,372 --> 00:54:17,015
And now, go back to your circus games.

968
00:54:18,789 --> 00:54:21,289
Why speak words, when you can fly?

969
00:54:45,747 --> 00:54:47,414
A walk in the park!

970
00:54:49,914 --> 00:54:53,331
In a matter of days,
I shall be the master of China.

971
00:54:54,164 --> 00:54:57,265
I'm almost envious of you guys,
experiencing for the first time

972
00:54:57,289 --> 00:54:58,807
the power of Rome.

973
00:54:58,831 --> 00:55:01,098
<i>Veni, vidi, vici.</i>

974
00:55:01,122 --> 00:55:04,390
This is such great stuff, Caesar!

975
00:55:04,414 --> 00:55:06,390
I write it down as is, no changes.

976
00:55:06,414 --> 00:55:09,057
- Seating sucks. We gonna eat like this?
- Yeah.

977
00:55:09,081 --> 00:55:10,640
- Terrible hosts.
- Right.

978
00:55:11,956 --> 00:55:13,723
And Antivirus? He's not coming?

979
00:55:13,747 --> 00:55:15,098
He's asleep.

980
00:55:15,122 --> 00:55:17,265
- What do you mean, he's asleep?
- I'm here, oh Caesar.

981
00:55:17,289 --> 00:55:19,640
- Not as impressive.
- Nowhere as impressive.

982
00:55:19,664 --> 00:55:24,182
Oh Caesar,
you have one last kingdom to conquer.

983
00:55:24,206 --> 00:55:26,557
Likely more complicated.

984
00:55:26,581 --> 00:55:28,307
Our victories have had an impact.

985
00:55:28,331 --> 00:55:30,098
The Ku Koos are tough negotiators.

986
00:55:30,122 --> 00:55:31,515
Very well.

987
00:55:31,539 --> 00:55:33,348
We'll see who is the Ku Kooest.

988
00:55:34,997 --> 00:55:38,081
Yeah, well, sorry not to join the fun,
but old man So Ku Koo died last winter.

989
00:55:38,706 --> 00:55:41,598
Leaving his only son and heir,
Prince Ku Koo, twenty years old

990
00:55:41,622 --> 00:55:44,515
concealed under a bamboo mask
due to a horrible birth defect.

991
00:55:44,539 --> 00:55:46,765
The Ku Koo Behind the Bamboo.

992
00:55:46,789 --> 00:55:47,683
So he gets orphaned,

993
00:55:47,707 --> 00:55:51,015
gets his butt handed to him by Caesar,
not a good year for the Ku Koos.

994
00:55:51,039 --> 00:55:52,914
Come to think of it...

995
00:55:54,956 --> 00:55:56,539
you seem Ku Koo yourself, don't you?

996
00:55:57,206 --> 00:55:59,515
No, I'm a Deng. Of the Deng-Bhat clan.

997
00:55:59,539 --> 00:56:00,831
Yes, but...

998
00:56:03,372 --> 00:56:05,039
you could be Deng' erous, couldn't you?

999
00:56:05,622 --> 00:56:07,289
Huh?

1000
00:56:11,331 --> 00:56:14,307
I never really picked up on
why you would ask me to help

1001
00:56:14,331 --> 00:56:16,140
evict you from your own kingdom,

1002
00:56:16,164 --> 00:56:18,307
so what's in it for you...

1003
00:56:18,331 --> 00:56:20,456
Deng Tsin Qin?

1004
00:56:21,622 --> 00:56:23,848
You wouldn't be thinking
about a Caesarian section,

1005
00:56:23,872 --> 00:56:25,890
to cut me out of my end of the spoils?

1006
00:56:25,914 --> 00:56:29,039
Not at all. Never even crossed my mind.

1007
00:56:29,664 --> 00:56:30,664
Really?

1008
00:56:31,956 --> 00:56:35,098
It would've crossed mine.
Wouldn't bother me in the least!

1009
00:56:35,122 --> 00:56:37,557
He's on a roll.

1010
00:56:39,622 --> 00:56:41,973
- Tell me, oh Caesar.
- Mm-hmm.

1011
00:56:41,997 --> 00:56:42,933
Are you aware that

1012
00:56:42,957 --> 00:56:45,747
the great Cleopatra
is highly respected here in China?

1013
00:56:46,539 --> 00:56:47,433
True.

1014
00:56:47,457 --> 00:56:50,831
She's done so much for the defence
and preservation of pandas that now...

1015
00:56:51,456 --> 00:56:53,581
So how is she in real life?
Fun to be with?

1016
00:57:08,706 --> 00:57:10,456
At last, I'm back home.

1017
00:57:11,664 --> 00:57:14,414
Do you smell the fragrance of bamboo,
ginger and eucalypt?

1018
00:57:15,956 --> 00:57:17,973
Don't bother with these guys,
they wouldn't know.

1019
00:57:17,997 --> 00:57:21,914
But I can smell it just fine,
and... so aromatic!

1020
00:57:22,497 --> 00:57:23,433
Titanix!

1021
00:57:23,457 --> 00:57:25,598
Will you be going straight back to Egypt?

1022
00:57:25,622 --> 00:57:28,432
Nope. I'll keep sailing
till I return to my starting point,

1023
00:57:28,456 --> 00:57:30,057
so I can prove the Earth is round.

1024
00:57:59,247 --> 00:58:00,598
So?

1025
00:58:00,622 --> 00:58:03,247
- Told you we'd make it back, didn't I?
- Shh.

1026
00:58:04,247 --> 00:58:06,622
WANTED

1027
00:58:08,164 --> 00:58:10,973
Ka Ra Tay,
how will we hope to find your master here?

1028
00:58:10,997 --> 00:58:12,872
He'll be the one to find us.

1029
00:58:30,539 --> 00:58:32,539
- What was the message?
- Nothing.

1030
00:58:33,872 --> 00:58:35,164
Friend of yours? The bald guy?

1031
00:58:36,539 --> 00:58:38,699
Well, if it's nothing
why can't you tell me what it is?

1032
00:58:40,497 --> 00:58:44,265
My master, Sill Lee, awaits us tonight
in an inn where we will spend the night.

1033
00:58:44,289 --> 00:58:47,723
There you go. Just say it,
instead of acting all mysterious.

1034
00:58:47,747 --> 00:58:49,122
I'm not even hungry anymore!

1035
00:58:50,914 --> 00:58:52,057
What the...

1036
00:58:52,081 --> 00:58:54,039
Never seen him like that.

1037
00:58:55,081 --> 00:58:56,973
He's probably just tired, that's all.

1038
00:58:56,997 --> 00:58:59,098
There's a culture shock,
it's a lot to take in.

1039
00:58:59,122 --> 00:59:01,515
- Do you mind if I speak candidly?
- Mm.

1040
00:59:01,539 --> 00:59:05,182
You and me, we're not the best of friends.
I hate you, I believe you hate me too.

1041
00:59:05,206 --> 00:59:06,390
Mm-hmm.

1042
00:59:06,414 --> 00:59:08,932
But the two of you,
things are getting very tense.

1043
00:59:08,956 --> 00:59:11,223
The tension's spreading
through the whole group.

1044
00:59:11,247 --> 00:59:12,789
- That bad?
- Yeah.

1045
00:59:13,581 --> 00:59:14,932
But I got something for both of you

1046
00:59:14,956 --> 00:59:19,456
and I'm sure it can bring some changes,
for the better.

1047
00:59:21,747 --> 00:59:23,789
Obélix. We need to talk.

1048
00:59:24,289 --> 00:59:25,307
I'm listening.

1049
00:59:25,331 --> 00:59:29,223
There's a beautiful story
starting between the Princess and me.

1050
00:59:29,247 --> 00:59:30,456
Oh?

1051
00:59:31,247 --> 00:59:32,247
Well, yeah.

1052
00:59:33,789 --> 00:59:36,372
And I believe it'd be simpler if, like...

1053
00:59:36,956 --> 00:59:38,932
if she were to live with us,
in the village.

1054
00:59:38,956 --> 00:59:40,081
Okay.

1055
00:59:40,956 --> 00:59:44,372
Of course, you and I have been housemates
for a long time.

1056
00:59:44,872 --> 00:59:47,581
Uh, but we never said it'd be forever.

1057
00:59:48,581 --> 00:59:50,140
And as it happens,

1058
00:59:50,164 --> 00:59:52,247
the hut belonged to my parents.

1059
00:59:52,747 --> 00:59:53,831
So, uh...

1060
00:59:56,206 --> 00:59:57,997
You want me to move out then?

1061
00:59:59,039 --> 01:00:00,497
Yes.

1062
01:00:02,706 --> 01:00:05,515
Oh, Astérix!
I can't tell you how relieved I am.

1063
01:00:05,539 --> 01:00:09,432
I wanted to leave too, but I didn't know
how to tell you, I just couldn't tell you.

1064
01:00:09,456 --> 01:00:10,456
- You did?
- Mm-hmm.

1065
01:00:12,914 --> 01:00:14,414
I've fallen in love too.

1066
01:00:15,997 --> 01:00:17,307
You're in love?

1067
01:00:17,331 --> 01:00:19,515
With the beautiful Ka Ra Tay.

1068
01:00:22,747 --> 01:00:23,747
With Ka Ra Tay?

1069
01:00:24,497 --> 01:00:27,122
Our Ka Ra Tay? You gotta be joking?

1070
01:00:27,872 --> 01:00:29,098
Obélix? Ka Ra Tay?

1071
01:00:29,122 --> 01:00:31,247
Why are you laughing?

1072
01:00:32,122 --> 01:00:34,664
- Because I'm surprised.
- You're surprised 'cause I'm in love?

1073
01:00:35,414 --> 01:00:36,515
Come on, Oby...

1074
01:00:36,539 --> 01:00:39,164
Don't Oby me. There's no more Oby!

1075
01:00:40,789 --> 01:00:41,599
What's so funny?

1076
01:00:41,623 --> 01:00:45,057
I'm not allowed to fall in love?
I'm not allowed anything!

1077
01:00:45,081 --> 01:00:46,973
What a joke! It's all about you anyway!

1078
01:00:46,997 --> 01:00:48,932
- It is not all about me!
- It is about you!

1079
01:00:48,956 --> 01:00:50,473
No!

1080
01:00:50,497 --> 01:00:53,432
Obélix can't have any magic potion.
Obélix better not fall in love...

1081
01:00:53,456 --> 01:00:56,723
Oh, poor Obélix,
who's been deprived of magic potion.

1082
01:00:56,747 --> 01:00:58,265
Oh, poor Obélix!

1083
01:00:58,289 --> 01:01:03,057
I don't even get the privilege of roasting
my wild boars in my own fireplace!

1084
01:01:03,081 --> 01:01:06,432
Except it's not my own fireplace
'cause Astérix's parents built it!

1085
01:01:06,456 --> 01:01:09,432
- Which they did.
- Astérix wants me to eat fruit and veg!

1086
01:01:09,456 --> 01:01:12,057
And why do I want us to eat fruits
and vegetables?

1087
01:01:12,081 --> 01:01:14,390
For you! For you to eat better.

1088
01:01:14,414 --> 01:01:16,557
Do not say the word. Don't say that word!

1089
01:01:16,581 --> 01:01:18,831
- Because you are so fat!
- No!

1090
01:01:19,497 --> 01:01:22,914
I am simply voluptuous!

1091
01:01:23,539 --> 01:01:26,265
But there is more. I'm strong.

1092
01:01:26,289 --> 01:01:28,473
There we are! You said it!

1093
01:01:28,497 --> 01:01:31,598
You think it's easy for me
to be so feeble?

1094
01:01:31,622 --> 01:01:33,015
To rely on a flask all the time?

1095
01:01:33,039 --> 01:01:34,682
Serves you right! There!

1096
01:01:34,706 --> 01:01:36,057
I've said it. Done.

1097
01:01:38,081 --> 01:01:41,973
Needles performing so well,
releasing tension!

1098
01:01:41,997 --> 01:01:44,682
They make words come out, good!

1099
01:01:56,456 --> 01:01:58,265
- Oh, Romans!
- No, Obélix.

1100
01:01:58,289 --> 01:01:59,557
What now?

1101
01:01:59,581 --> 01:02:02,081
We cannot compromise the Princess.

1102
01:02:02,997 --> 01:02:04,390
What's Caesar doing in China?

1103
01:02:04,414 --> 01:02:07,539
Deng Tsin Qin the treacherous
sold us to the Romans.

1104
01:02:09,872 --> 01:02:11,747
Informative news break!

1105
01:02:12,331 --> 01:02:13,682
People of China!

1106
01:02:13,706 --> 01:02:16,307
Prince Deng Tsin Qin and Julius Caesar

1107
01:02:16,331 --> 01:02:18,848
are delighted to announce
that the former Empress

1108
01:02:18,872 --> 01:02:20,140
will be publicly executed.

1109
01:02:21,247 --> 01:02:24,997
The decapitation is scheduled
seven days from now at dusk.

1110
01:02:25,872 --> 01:02:27,515
An all-you-can-eat wok will follow.

1111
01:02:27,539 --> 01:02:29,807
Due to limited seating,
advance booking is advised.

1112
01:02:29,831 --> 01:02:30,848
I wasn't briefed, were you?

1113
01:02:30,872 --> 01:02:32,057
- You missed the memo?
- Must've.

1114
01:02:32,081 --> 01:02:34,765
- You're not on the forum?
- I'm never included, Carl it us.

1115
01:02:34,789 --> 01:02:39,140
I am Princess Sa See!
No one touches the heir to the Heavens,

1116
01:02:39,164 --> 01:02:41,557
Her Majesty the Empress, my mother!

1117
01:02:41,581 --> 01:02:43,706
After them!

1118
01:02:49,747 --> 01:02:50,872
Good doggie.

1119
01:02:51,497 --> 01:02:52,308
Let's get to it.

1120
01:02:52,332 --> 01:02:55,890
Whoever touches
a hair of my beloved fiancée,

1121
01:02:55,914 --> 01:02:58,164
I will treat very badly.

1122
01:02:59,539 --> 01:03:00,747
Did I really just say that?

1123
01:03:07,622 --> 01:03:09,848
Ah, hold on. Time out. Just a second.

1124
01:03:09,872 --> 01:03:12,664
I'll be right back. Just give me a second.

1125
01:03:13,456 --> 01:03:15,265
Getting painful.

1126
01:03:21,747 --> 01:03:22,558
Sorry.

1127
01:03:22,582 --> 01:03:24,890
- Can we get on with it now?
- Yeah, just went to the toilet.

1128
01:03:24,914 --> 01:03:27,098
- Yeah, right.
- We know what you were doing. Yeah.

1129
01:03:38,747 --> 01:03:39,747
Romie!

1130
01:03:57,331 --> 01:03:58,372
And wring!

1131
01:04:21,539 --> 01:04:22,747
Now that's strange.

1132
01:04:28,456 --> 01:04:31,098
And my acupuncturist told me
to take it easy for two days.

1133
01:04:31,122 --> 01:04:32,581
Considering what they pay us...

1134
01:04:34,414 --> 01:04:36,831
- Can we pretend we didn't see each other?
- Mum's the word.

1135
01:04:38,956 --> 01:04:42,598
<i>♪ There were funky China men
From funky Chinatown ♪</i>

1136
01:04:44,164 --> 01:04:47,747
<i>♪ They were chopping them up
They were chopping them down ♪</i>

1137
01:04:48,747 --> 01:04:51,098
<i>♪ It's an ancient Chinese art ♪</i>

1138
01:04:51,122 --> 01:04:52,932
<i>♪ And everybody knew their part ♪</i>

1139
01:04:52,956 --> 01:04:55,206
<i>♪ From a feint into a slip ♪</i>

1140
01:04:55,747 --> 01:04:57,765
<i>♪ And a kicking from the hip ♪</i>

1141
01:04:57,789 --> 01:05:00,539
<i>♪ Everybody was kung fu fighting ♪</i>

1142
01:05:02,497 --> 01:05:04,956
<i>♪ Those cats were fast as lightning ♪</i>

1143
01:05:07,081 --> 01:05:09,914
<i>♪ In fact
It was a little bit frightening ♪</i>

1144
01:05:12,122 --> 01:05:14,789
<i>♪ But they fought with expert timing ♪</i>

1145
01:05:16,706 --> 01:05:21,098
<i>♪ There was funky Billy Chin
And little Sammy Chung ♪</i>

1146
01:05:31,956 --> 01:05:34,348
Hey, see how far I flung that one?

1147
01:05:34,372 --> 01:05:37,557
That was so cool! What can I say?
You're the best, Obélix.

1148
01:05:37,581 --> 01:05:39,682
- Oh!
- What's that?

1149
01:05:39,706 --> 01:05:43,015
Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

1150
01:05:43,039 --> 01:05:45,765
- We're so tight, aren't we!
- Let's go, it's not safe to stick around.

1151
01:05:45,789 --> 01:05:49,247
Let's go Princess,
it's not safe to stick around. Pff.

1152
01:05:49,831 --> 01:05:50,848
- Something wrong?
- Mm.

1153
01:05:50,872 --> 01:05:53,973
You tell me. You still feeling the potion?

1154
01:05:53,997 --> 01:05:56,122
Dunno, wanna find out, do you?

1155
01:05:57,539 --> 01:06:00,372
- We'll see about that later.
- Sure, anytime.

1156
01:06:00,956 --> 01:06:03,557
- Boo!
- Eh!

1157
01:06:19,372 --> 01:06:20,432
Halt!

1158
01:06:25,247 --> 01:06:27,081
THE ORIGINAL 2CV HORSEPOWER

1159
01:06:31,122 --> 01:06:34,057
SOAPS BY CLEO

1160
01:06:36,456 --> 01:06:38,307
Who dares to whistle?

1161
01:06:40,247 --> 01:06:41,831
Hard to swallow.

1162
01:06:49,414 --> 01:06:50,414
I go off to war,

1163
01:06:51,247 --> 01:06:53,331
risk my life, nothing from her.

1164
01:06:53,914 --> 01:06:57,307
No messenger, no news,
no papyrus-card, not even a pigeon.

1165
01:06:57,331 --> 01:06:59,390
Ah, you need to get a hold of yourself.

1166
01:06:59,414 --> 01:07:02,307
You were being so strong,
bristling with rage,

1167
01:07:02,331 --> 01:07:03,640
but now I see nothing.

1168
01:07:03,664 --> 01:07:04,682
He's right.

1169
01:07:04,706 --> 01:07:06,307
Did you send her a message?

1170
01:07:06,331 --> 01:07:08,265
No! We said, enough of the messages.

1171
01:07:08,289 --> 01:07:10,307
We're stone-wall marble,
we give her nothing.

1172
01:07:10,331 --> 01:07:12,223
We let her soak in her marinade,
like octopus.

1173
01:07:12,247 --> 01:07:14,348
Hey, Dainty, better tone it down.

1174
01:07:14,372 --> 01:07:16,307
What's that you say, Señor Grunt?

1175
01:07:16,331 --> 01:07:19,723
Infamous Risklus, how about
"Witless," with a head like an aqueduct?

1176
01:07:19,747 --> 01:07:22,848
You think you're Antivirus, don't you?
You couldn't even shine his sandals.

1177
01:07:22,872 --> 01:07:24,622
<i>Así que call ate la boca!</i>

1178
01:07:27,122 --> 01:07:28,223
Caesar.

1179
01:07:28,247 --> 01:07:31,289
Tell me who wears the toga in the palace.
Eh? Who's the boss?

1180
01:07:31,914 --> 01:07:33,872
- I am.
- Anyone hear that?

1181
01:07:35,039 --> 01:07:36,598
Who's the boss at home?

1182
01:07:36,622 --> 01:07:38,473
I'm the boss.

1183
01:07:38,497 --> 01:07:39,433
There you are.

1184
01:07:39,457 --> 01:07:43,039
Now you're talking. That is our Caesar.
That's our champion. <i>Numero uno!</i>

1185
01:07:43,956 --> 01:07:45,640
So if there's a message you gotta send,

1186
01:07:45,664 --> 01:07:47,723
just tell her to pack
her bags and all that,

1187
01:07:47,747 --> 01:07:51,664
and take herself right back to Egypt,
show her profile or whatever, she is out.

1188
01:07:55,622 --> 01:07:56,890
Fair enough. Write.

1189
01:07:56,914 --> 01:07:58,997
Ah!

1190
01:08:05,747 --> 01:08:08,223
"Cleo..." No. "Cleopatra."

1191
01:08:08,247 --> 01:08:09,682
I like that.

1192
01:08:09,706 --> 01:08:10,848
"When I get to Rome,

1193
01:08:10,872 --> 01:08:14,140
I want to find my palace free
of your sarcophago-whatchamacallit."

1194
01:08:14,164 --> 01:08:17,307
"Starting from today,
you'll know who wears the toga at home."

1195
01:08:17,331 --> 01:08:18,308
There you go.

1196
01:08:18,332 --> 01:08:19,640
"You've been told. Hail me."

1197
01:08:19,664 --> 01:08:21,057
That's better.

1198
01:08:21,081 --> 01:08:23,932
That's my sizzling Caesar,
that was masterly.

1199
01:08:23,956 --> 01:08:25,682
Ah! Queen of Egypt.

1200
01:08:25,706 --> 01:08:28,432
Queen of Doofus-land.

1201
01:08:28,456 --> 01:08:30,557
<i>♪ And where did they go... ♪</i>

1202
01:08:30,581 --> 01:08:33,432
<i>♪ Where did they go, down to Egypt land ♪</i>

1203
01:08:33,456 --> 01:08:35,289
- Hit Send.
<i>- Sí.</i>

1204
01:08:39,122 --> 01:08:40,497
Pigeon... Pidgie-widgie...

1205
01:08:42,081 --> 01:08:44,223
Oh!

1206
01:08:44,247 --> 01:08:47,473
A bunny!

1207
01:08:47,497 --> 01:08:48,932
Oh, there's a big one.

1208
01:08:48,956 --> 01:08:50,581
A raccoon.

1209
01:08:54,206 --> 01:08:57,223
A goat!

1210
01:09:03,372 --> 01:09:05,390
Come on, sweetie.

1211
01:09:13,789 --> 01:09:15,265
Huh, it's Cleopatra.

1212
01:09:15,289 --> 01:09:17,497
Already?

1213
01:09:17,997 --> 01:09:19,539
- Well, get to it!
- Huh?

1214
01:09:30,414 --> 01:09:31,640
I don't understand.

1215
01:09:31,664 --> 01:09:32,932
- Eh?
- What did she say?

1216
01:09:32,956 --> 01:09:33,997
Uh...

1217
01:09:35,247 --> 01:09:39,015
"I would like to apologise
for the attitude I had."

1218
01:09:39,039 --> 01:09:40,390
"I went too far."

1219
01:09:40,414 --> 01:09:42,515
You can say that again. Uh...

1220
01:09:42,539 --> 01:09:47,265
"Four long months have passed,
and all I dream of is to see your face."

1221
01:09:47,289 --> 01:09:49,872
"I'm waiting in Rome.
Come back as soon as you can."

1222
01:09:50,789 --> 01:09:51,997
"Your loving Cleo-babe."

1223
01:09:53,372 --> 01:09:55,057
Hey. You gotta stop that pigeon.
The pigeon!

1224
01:09:55,081 --> 01:09:58,390
- Cancel the pigeon. Quick!
- There's no cancelling a homing pigeon.

1225
01:09:58,414 --> 01:10:01,432
Once you sent it, it's sent.
Should I slug him?

1226
01:10:01,456 --> 01:10:02,914
Everybody out!

1227
01:10:07,664 --> 01:10:09,206
I said everybody.

1228
01:11:15,247 --> 01:11:16,497
Cleo...

1229
01:11:26,289 --> 01:11:28,682
Hey! Anyone peckish? They left some fruit.

1230
01:11:28,706 --> 01:11:29,932
- What are you doing?
- Huh?

1231
01:11:29,956 --> 01:11:31,497
Those are offerings.

1232
01:11:31,997 --> 01:11:33,877
Oh, pardon me. Wasn't aware.

1233
01:11:35,289 --> 01:11:37,372
Shh.

1234
01:11:41,372 --> 01:11:44,348
I got this. Sir, you shouldn't stay here.
Here you go, good night,

1235
01:11:44,372 --> 01:11:46,247
and good luck.

1236
01:11:46,831 --> 01:11:48,497
Never mind, just a beggar.

1237
01:11:52,706 --> 01:11:53,831
Master Sill Lee.

1238
01:11:55,289 --> 01:11:56,372
Oh, I'm so sorry.

1239
01:11:56,872 --> 01:11:58,223
Whoa, I am so terribly sorry,

1240
01:11:58,247 --> 01:11:59,973
Mr. Master, I thought...

1241
01:11:59,997 --> 01:12:03,765
Master Sill Lee is a hermit
who devoted his life to meditation.

1242
01:12:03,789 --> 01:12:05,581
He took a vow of absolute poverty.

1243
01:12:06,289 --> 01:12:08,890
Oh wow, bravo for your sacrifice,
it's mind-blowing.

1244
01:12:08,914 --> 01:12:11,932
If it was me, I would cave on day one.
So, could you...

1245
01:12:11,956 --> 01:12:13,848
If you'd be so kind,
I'll just get my coin.

1246
01:12:13,872 --> 01:12:16,848
Try to take the coin back out of my hand,

1247
01:12:16,872 --> 01:12:18,372
my little grasshopper.

1248
01:12:20,872 --> 01:12:22,640
Well, um...

1249
01:12:22,664 --> 01:12:24,598
That's far too easy,
seeing as you can't see.

1250
01:12:24,622 --> 01:12:28,831
Never assume that a man
is blind because of his lack of...

1251
01:12:29,747 --> 01:12:31,432
Didn't see that one coming, did you?

1252
01:12:33,497 --> 01:12:34,706
<i>Voilà!</i>

1253
01:12:35,331 --> 01:12:37,331
- It's him, he made me do it.
- Let him be!

1254
01:12:37,872 --> 01:12:39,640
Little grasshopper.

1255
01:12:39,664 --> 01:12:41,206
No, sir, I'm right here, just...

1256
01:12:41,747 --> 01:12:44,140
You are swift as the cobra.

1257
01:12:44,164 --> 01:12:45,223
Yeah, that's me.

1258
01:12:45,247 --> 01:12:47,831
Could we please move on
to more important things?

1259
01:12:53,831 --> 01:12:55,640
Oh, by Toutatis.

1260
01:12:55,664 --> 01:12:59,432
Deng Tsin Qin is spreading
terror throughout the country.

1261
01:12:59,456 --> 01:13:01,390
Do not touch.

1262
01:13:01,414 --> 01:13:03,414
Ah. Hard to resist.

1263
01:13:04,039 --> 01:13:07,206
I spy an abandoned temple in the forest.

1264
01:13:07,914 --> 01:13:09,515
The Xuan temple.

1265
01:13:09,539 --> 01:13:14,331
Her Majesty the Empress
is held prisoner there.

1266
01:13:15,039 --> 01:13:19,557
After she is released, you will have
to hightail it as fast as you can

1267
01:13:19,581 --> 01:13:21,432
to the Ku Koo palace

1268
01:13:21,456 --> 01:13:25,664
before Caesar is able
to take possession of the last kingdom.

1269
01:13:26,206 --> 01:13:28,581
You are going to encounter

1270
01:13:29,081 --> 01:13:32,015
the hideous, the unsightly,

1271
01:13:32,039 --> 01:13:36,140
the monstrous crown Prince Ku Koo.

1272
01:13:36,164 --> 01:13:40,848
You will meet him, he's masked in bamboo.

1273
01:13:42,748 --> 01:13:44,622
Hey, buddy, it's not for real.

1274
01:13:45,206 --> 01:13:46,706
Good luck.

1275
01:13:47,206 --> 01:13:49,539
This is where our paths must part.

1276
01:13:50,164 --> 01:13:53,622
Grand Master,
uh, are you finished with the magic ball?

1277
01:13:55,414 --> 01:13:56,515
Yes.

1278
01:13:58,372 --> 01:13:59,372
No!

1279
01:14:00,332 --> 01:14:01,914
Holy cow!

1280
01:14:04,581 --> 01:14:06,515
Are you happy now? You broke it.

1281
01:14:06,539 --> 01:14:08,265
He told you not to touch.

1282
01:14:10,331 --> 01:14:11,348
That is true.

1283
01:14:11,372 --> 01:14:14,831
- Hey!
- I told you keep your hands to yourselves!

1284
01:14:20,081 --> 01:14:22,098
- Why'd you touch the magic ball?
- Hmm.

1285
01:14:26,997 --> 01:14:29,598
Have you seen Princess Sa See?
She's with two warriors and...

1286
01:14:33,872 --> 01:14:35,223
Princess Sa See.

1287
01:14:35,247 --> 01:14:38,581
Seen her? With two foreign warriors
with superhuman strength.

1288
01:14:39,247 --> 01:14:40,247
And a little pooch.

1289
01:14:53,372 --> 01:14:55,348
I don't know what's going on.

1290
01:14:55,372 --> 01:14:58,640
What are you waiting for?
Room service? Get them!

1291
01:14:58,664 --> 01:15:00,890
- Astérix!
- What? Just run!

1292
01:15:00,914 --> 01:15:02,223
- Astérix!
- What?

1293
01:15:02,247 --> 01:15:04,182
- Why are we running?
- Why are we running?

1294
01:15:04,206 --> 01:15:06,015
- Because I don't wanna fight.
- But, why not?

1295
01:15:06,039 --> 01:15:08,140
I don't want to take the potion
in front of the Princess.

1296
01:15:08,164 --> 01:15:09,682
I'm sick of using a crutch!

1297
01:15:09,706 --> 01:15:10,683
Pfff!

1298
01:15:10,707 --> 01:15:12,723
Let's go, boys!
Move it, I borrowed a rickshaw.

1299
01:15:12,747 --> 01:15:13,914
Come on!

1300
01:15:15,622 --> 01:15:16,622
Speed it up!

1301
01:15:17,289 --> 01:15:19,640
- Will you hurry!
- Alright! I know!

1302
01:15:21,872 --> 01:15:22,973
Princess...

1303
01:15:22,997 --> 01:15:24,307
Dawdling on purpose.

1304
01:16:05,539 --> 01:16:06,581
Ka Ra Tay.

1305
01:16:08,622 --> 01:16:09,622
Oh...

1306
01:16:16,539 --> 01:16:18,914
- Yeah.
- Can't argue with that.

1307
01:16:22,622 --> 01:16:23,516
So...

1308
01:16:23,540 --> 01:16:27,039
In one more ball,
I officially consider us to be dead meat.

1309
01:16:27,997 --> 01:16:29,848
Which means that it's our last night...

1310
01:16:29,872 --> 01:16:31,765
and I was thinking that, uh,

1311
01:16:31,789 --> 01:16:33,973
perhaps... maybe as a memento...

1312
01:16:33,997 --> 01:16:36,081
- Your Majesty!
- Ah! Oh! Whoa!

1313
01:16:36,831 --> 01:16:37,724
She freaked me out.

1314
01:16:37,748 --> 01:16:39,890
Your Majesty,
we're going to get you out of here.

1315
01:16:39,914 --> 01:16:41,164
Who is she?

1316
01:16:42,539 --> 01:16:43,956
- Stand back!
- Okay, stand back.

1317
01:16:46,122 --> 01:16:47,122
Ka Ra Tay!

1318
01:16:54,747 --> 01:16:56,372
Are you done?

1319
01:17:03,997 --> 01:17:04,997
Forgive me.

1320
01:17:17,664 --> 01:17:18,664
You may rise.

1321
01:17:20,247 --> 01:17:21,099
We must go.

1322
01:17:21,123 --> 01:17:22,598
Jump. They'll catch you at the bottom.

1323
01:17:22,622 --> 01:17:25,682
What? Jump? Are you bonkers?
No way am I leaving now.

1324
01:17:25,706 --> 01:17:28,414
You want me to quit a negotiation?
I've never done that in my life.

1325
01:17:29,039 --> 01:17:31,015
I'm about two balls away
from breaking the guy.

1326
01:17:31,039 --> 01:17:33,497
So you go on without me,
I'll just, uh, join you later.

1327
01:17:34,081 --> 01:17:35,372
Are you sure?

1328
01:17:35,956 --> 01:17:37,348
- Yeah.
- Very well.

1329
01:17:37,372 --> 01:17:38,914
As you wish.

1330
01:17:42,414 --> 01:17:43,747
Take care of yourself.

1331
01:17:44,331 --> 01:17:45,473
And don't lose your head.

1332
01:17:45,497 --> 01:17:49,206
Ah! Look who's worried about me now!

1333
01:17:50,539 --> 01:17:51,622
You know what?

1334
01:17:52,247 --> 01:17:54,807
You're even more beautiful
when you smile than when you're upset.

1335
01:18:01,581 --> 01:18:03,956
Whoa, she's impressive, yeah.

1336
01:18:04,747 --> 01:18:05,747
Thank you.

1337
01:18:08,039 --> 01:18:09,390
Mother.

1338
01:18:09,414 --> 01:18:11,539
What joy to see you.

1339
01:18:15,581 --> 01:18:17,039
- Wow.
- I'm right...

1340
01:18:17,581 --> 01:18:18,581
here.

1341
01:18:21,581 --> 01:18:24,098
- Alert! Prisoners have escaped!
- Quick, let's go!

1342
01:18:35,081 --> 01:18:36,515
Where do I go?

1343
01:18:36,539 --> 01:18:38,015
Shh!

1344
01:18:38,039 --> 01:18:39,164
Wait a sec.

1345
01:18:40,081 --> 01:18:44,473
- We lost them. I think we're safe.
- Gaulish friends, thank you for your help.

1346
01:18:44,497 --> 01:18:47,140
- It's our pleasure, Your Majesty.
- Majesty.

1347
01:18:47,164 --> 01:18:49,539
Okay, I guess I'll just do this myself.

1348
01:18:51,039 --> 01:18:52,473
Bankruptis.

1349
01:18:52,497 --> 01:18:55,598
You may remember
that we met at the market.

1350
01:18:55,622 --> 01:18:57,348
That's right.

1351
01:18:57,372 --> 01:18:59,206
Life is just a barrel of surprises.

1352
01:19:01,539 --> 01:19:03,307
Not the best attention span in the world.

1353
01:19:03,331 --> 01:19:07,622
Sa See, you must leave with our friends,
join the Ku Koos and secure their support.

1354
01:19:08,206 --> 01:19:11,456
I will attempt to rally our own army
and our followers.

1355
01:19:11,997 --> 01:19:13,223
Ka Ra Tay, come with me.

1356
01:19:13,247 --> 01:19:16,831
I will strive to be worthy, Mother.
I'll make you proud of me.

1357
01:19:18,622 --> 01:19:20,372
You've already made me proud.

1358
01:19:21,956 --> 01:19:23,247
Let us go, Ka Ra Tay.

1359
01:19:40,622 --> 01:19:42,182
That won't end well.

1360
01:19:49,747 --> 01:19:50,872
Ka Ra Tay.

1361
01:20:04,956 --> 01:20:06,997
Ka Ra Tay has fallen for Obélix.

1362
01:20:08,872 --> 01:20:09,872
And Obélix for her.

1363
01:20:12,664 --> 01:20:15,664
There's a bit too much falling,
don't you think, in this adventure.

1364
01:20:16,789 --> 01:20:17,789
Right, let's get moving.

1365
01:20:19,331 --> 01:20:20,914
Obélix, are you coming?

1366
01:20:29,331 --> 01:20:32,932
- What kind of booze is this?
- It's rice wine.

1367
01:20:32,956 --> 01:20:35,372
You're not the most refined people
in the world, hmm?

1368
01:20:39,872 --> 01:20:42,557
It's not for the weak,
but it does grow on you.

1369
01:20:42,581 --> 01:20:43,807
It's relaxing.

1370
01:20:43,831 --> 01:20:44,914
Rice is nice.

1371
01:20:45,539 --> 01:20:46,557
I should bring some home,

1372
01:20:46,581 --> 01:20:48,664
it'd make arguing
with the missus more fun.

1373
01:20:51,372 --> 01:20:52,308
You know,

1374
01:20:52,332 --> 01:20:54,497
it's in moments like this one...

1375
01:20:57,414 --> 01:20:58,848
...that I most miss her.

1376
01:20:58,872 --> 01:21:00,723
What's that music?

1377
01:21:00,747 --> 01:21:01,724
Is that a band?

1378
01:21:01,748 --> 01:21:03,557
Four guys and a singer.

1379
01:21:03,581 --> 01:21:05,515
- You take musicians wherever you go?
- Yeah.

1380
01:21:05,539 --> 01:21:06,914
It's convenient.

1381
01:21:07,706 --> 01:21:10,372
I play all my favourite tunes on the move.

1382
01:21:11,664 --> 01:21:14,081
- Do you know this one?
- Everyone knows this one.

1383
01:21:14,831 --> 01:21:17,456
That... That's music, right there.

1384
01:21:18,414 --> 01:21:21,581
A step up from your,
"Ting-tong-tong, tipiting-Tong-Tong."

1385
01:21:34,039 --> 01:21:35,223
<i>A more.</i>

1386
01:21:35,247 --> 01:21:37,622
Whoa! Hey, what's that for?

1387
01:21:39,164 --> 01:21:41,581
- I thought you were my wife.
- No, I'm nobody's wife.

1388
01:21:43,372 --> 01:21:44,266
You know what?

1389
01:21:44,290 --> 01:21:47,206
That booze of yours
made me feel alive again.

1390
01:21:49,706 --> 01:21:52,581
I'm feeling like...
the new emperor of China.

1391
01:21:53,164 --> 01:21:56,831
When she sees that, your friend Cleo,
it's gonna blow her little mind.

1392
01:21:57,747 --> 01:22:00,432
Tomorrow at dawn,
the Ku Koos' clocks will be wound!

1393
01:22:07,956 --> 01:22:09,039
Wow...

1394
01:22:17,914 --> 01:22:20,265
Obélix, slow down,
we're getting off soon.

1395
01:22:20,289 --> 01:22:23,473
Yes, it's the next exit.

1396
01:22:23,497 --> 01:22:25,223
<i>Once again, thanks to Obélix,</i>

1397
01:22:25,247 --> 01:22:29,432
<i>our friends beat Caesar's legions
to the Palace of Prince Ku Koo,</i>

1398
01:22:29,456 --> 01:22:31,223
<i>the Man in the Bamboo Mask,</i>

1399
01:22:31,247 --> 01:22:32,706
<i>if you've been following.</i>

1400
01:22:36,747 --> 01:22:38,331
I am To Fu,

1401
01:22:38,914 --> 01:22:41,956
advisor to the prince-regent Ku Koo.

1402
01:22:42,539 --> 01:22:43,706
Can you now prove

1403
01:22:44,664 --> 01:22:47,765
you are not trying to impersonate
the princess of China?

1404
01:22:47,789 --> 01:22:50,557
You have my word.
I'm the daughter of the Empress.

1405
01:22:50,581 --> 01:22:54,289
I'm sorry, but just your word
means nothing to me.

1406
01:22:54,872 --> 01:22:57,765
You could be a spy,

1407
01:22:57,789 --> 01:23:00,581
bought and paid for by Deng Tsin Qin!

1408
01:23:01,414 --> 01:23:02,414
Uh? No.

1409
01:23:03,247 --> 01:23:05,182
Show him the coin.

1410
01:23:09,956 --> 01:23:13,348
Will this coin finally make you kneel
before your Empress's daughter?

1411
01:23:13,372 --> 01:23:14,497
Oh.

1412
01:23:15,497 --> 01:23:17,473
My grovelling apologies,
Princess Sa See.

1413
01:23:17,497 --> 01:23:19,039
We had to be cautious.

1414
01:23:19,872 --> 01:23:23,414
His Highness, the Prince Ku Koo!

1415
01:23:35,914 --> 01:23:37,307
What you doing? Obélix!

1416
01:23:37,331 --> 01:23:38,932
Turn around and look at him.

1417
01:23:38,956 --> 01:23:40,890
You're being rude, this is his place.

1418
01:23:48,622 --> 01:23:52,206
<i>♪ Say you, say me ♪</i>

1419
01:23:54,164 --> 01:23:56,456
<i>♪ Say it for always ♪</i>

1420
01:23:58,581 --> 01:24:00,664
<i>♪ That's the way it should be ♪</i>

1421
01:24:03,331 --> 01:24:04,266
Princess Sa See,

1422
01:24:04,290 --> 01:24:07,015
I am Prince Ku Koo,
my army is at your service.

1423
01:24:07,039 --> 01:24:09,307
We rally behind your mother, our Empress.

1424
01:24:09,331 --> 01:24:11,182
Uh... I, um...

1425
01:24:11,206 --> 01:24:14,081
Thank you, um,
I'm sorry, I'm at a loss for words.

1426
01:24:14,706 --> 01:24:17,026
That's my fault.
My cursed hair must frighten you.

1427
01:24:17,789 --> 01:24:19,539
Oh no, not at all.
It suits you beautifully.

1428
01:24:21,122 --> 01:24:22,557
You're the first person
who's ever said that.

1429
01:24:22,581 --> 01:24:24,515
You're the first person
I've wanted to say it to.

1430
01:24:24,539 --> 01:24:27,831
<i>♪ When you feel you lost your way ♪</i>

1431
01:24:28,372 --> 01:24:30,789
<i>♪ You got someone there to say ♪</i>

1432
01:24:32,289 --> 01:24:34,456
<i>♪ I'll show you ♪</i>

1433
01:24:37,372 --> 01:24:40,015
<i>♪ Say you, say me... ♪</i>

1434
01:24:40,039 --> 01:24:42,223
Somebody's wigging out.

1435
01:24:42,247 --> 01:24:44,581
All those months of effort, for nothing.

1436
01:24:47,247 --> 01:24:49,331
And just like that.
Dumped into the friend zone.

1437
01:24:49,914 --> 01:24:51,664
Princess, can we go now?

1438
01:24:53,081 --> 01:24:54,789
Is there a Kingdom to save or not?

1439
01:24:57,914 --> 01:25:00,122
<i>♪ Say it together ♪</i>

1440
01:25:01,872 --> 01:25:03,765
<i>♪ Naturally ♪</i>

1441
01:25:08,122 --> 01:25:11,140
Typically Ku Koo
to build your palace in a basin.

1442
01:25:11,164 --> 01:25:12,497
Oh, cornered!

1443
01:25:13,081 --> 01:25:15,122
Surrounded by Caesar. Shouldn't take long.

1444
01:25:18,914 --> 01:25:21,956
Surrender unto Caesar.
Here goes nothing then.

1445
01:25:33,539 --> 01:25:35,390
I am Princess Sa See.

1446
01:25:35,414 --> 01:25:37,664
Submit to the power
of the One Empress of China.

1447
01:25:39,956 --> 01:25:42,473
Sa See, my darling,
now we can get married!

1448
01:25:42,497 --> 01:25:45,997
Over my dead body.
You'll regret your actions, Deng Tsin Qin.

1449
01:25:46,914 --> 01:25:48,265
Seems a difficult sell.

1450
01:25:48,289 --> 01:25:49,682
Pretty unlikely, I won't lie.

1451
01:25:49,706 --> 01:25:52,914
- I have a question for you, Princess.
- There you go.

1452
01:25:53,539 --> 01:25:54,932
How many troops you got?

1453
01:25:54,956 --> 01:25:56,182
Ten thousand.

1454
01:25:56,206 --> 01:25:59,807
No, I'm just saying, 'cause...
I've come with eighty thousand men here!

1455
01:26:05,997 --> 01:26:08,973
The power of experience, simply put.
Can't help it. I've never lost.

1456
01:26:08,997 --> 01:26:10,265
Ha, you're marvellous.

1457
01:26:10,289 --> 01:26:13,598
It would seem you've miscounted.
It's ten thousand, plus two.

1458
01:26:13,622 --> 01:26:14,932
If you still need me, obviously.

1459
01:26:14,956 --> 01:26:16,182
Hello, Julius!

1460
01:26:16,206 --> 01:26:18,307
- It's us!
- The weirdos.

1461
01:26:18,331 --> 01:26:19,598
Not plus two,

1462
01:26:19,622 --> 01:26:21,331
plus three!

1463
01:26:21,914 --> 01:26:23,122
The Man Behind the Bamboo!

1464
01:26:25,122 --> 01:26:26,622
How awful. Poor boy.

1465
01:26:27,206 --> 01:26:28,848
- He's a blonde.
- It's not such a bad look.

1466
01:26:28,872 --> 01:26:30,497
Not plus three, plus four!

1467
01:26:31,372 --> 01:26:34,223
I am the Man in the Blue Plumage.

1468
01:26:34,247 --> 01:26:35,539
What is that?

1469
01:26:38,789 --> 01:26:40,622
That's enough talk.

1470
01:26:42,206 --> 01:26:44,765
Why be talking, when you can be running?

1471
01:26:44,789 --> 01:26:45,789
Ah!

1472
01:26:52,497 --> 01:26:54,473
<i>Mamma mia.</i>

1473
01:26:56,831 --> 01:26:59,057
The man starts off cold! Silly boy.

1474
01:26:59,081 --> 01:27:00,872
- Did I give the order?
- No, you didn't.

1475
01:27:03,790 --> 01:27:04,848
All right. Rotate.

1476
01:27:04,872 --> 01:27:07,706
Rotatio!

1477
01:27:09,081 --> 01:27:10,432
Antivirus!

1478
01:27:10,456 --> 01:27:11,848
Antivirus!

1479
01:27:11,872 --> 01:27:16,598
Antivirus! Antivirus!

1480
01:27:34,956 --> 01:27:36,914
Ah!

1481
01:27:47,289 --> 01:27:49,182
Hey, Astérix. Gimme some, will you?

1482
01:27:49,206 --> 01:27:52,081
- Nah. Not enough to go around.
- Not enough to go around.

1483
01:27:55,789 --> 01:27:57,140
What a bunch of cheaters!

1484
01:27:57,164 --> 01:27:58,331
Won't save 'em, though.

1485
01:27:59,872 --> 01:28:01,723
Attack!

1486
01:28:04,997 --> 01:28:05,997
Wah!

1487
01:28:18,289 --> 01:28:19,747
- Yo!
- What?

1488
01:28:20,664 --> 01:28:21,664
Yes sir.

1489
01:29:11,206 --> 01:29:12,141
Help me.

1490
01:29:12,165 --> 01:29:13,848
Shh! Shut up, by golly.

1491
01:29:13,872 --> 01:29:15,473
You'll get us caught.

1492
01:29:15,497 --> 01:29:17,914
Golly. As in Gauls.

1493
01:29:30,289 --> 01:29:31,598
So, is it my turn?

1494
01:29:31,622 --> 01:29:32,932
Yeah, sure, if you want.

1495
01:29:32,956 --> 01:29:34,039
Archers!

1496
01:29:35,039 --> 01:29:36,348
Aim!

1497
01:29:36,372 --> 01:29:37,890
Draw!

1498
01:29:37,914 --> 01:29:39,414
Fire!

1499
01:29:40,456 --> 01:29:44,098
Deng Tsin Qin, Emperor of China!

1500
01:29:45,706 --> 01:29:46,997
Arrows!

1501
01:30:01,247 --> 01:30:02,682
Come on. Seriously?

1502
01:30:02,706 --> 01:30:05,372
Don't judge. Ah!

1503
01:30:06,747 --> 01:30:07,789
I can feel it.

1504
01:30:08,997 --> 01:30:11,265
The kick is a monster. Ah!

1505
01:30:13,539 --> 01:30:14,640
Crazy force!

1506
01:30:14,664 --> 01:30:16,015
Oh...

1507
01:30:16,039 --> 01:30:19,348
Is that all? Is this all? Argh!

1508
01:30:19,372 --> 01:30:22,331
No! I can't believe it. This is pathetic!

1509
01:30:32,247 --> 01:30:34,640
- I smell victory.
- Ah, smells of victory.

1510
01:30:34,664 --> 01:30:36,414
A specific smell, would you say?

1511
01:30:37,664 --> 01:30:39,723
Readers care about that sort of detail?

1512
01:30:39,747 --> 01:30:41,164
It flavours the experience.

1513
01:30:42,914 --> 01:30:44,598
It reeks of laurel then.

1514
01:30:44,622 --> 01:30:47,807
Excellent. Excellent!

1515
01:31:09,581 --> 01:31:10,516
Thank you.

1516
01:31:10,540 --> 01:31:11,765
You're welcome.

1517
01:31:15,122 --> 01:31:17,039
I won't not help you
just 'cause we've argued.

1518
01:31:17,622 --> 01:31:18,433
I know.

1519
01:31:18,457 --> 01:31:20,539
I've always said I'd defend you.

1520
01:31:21,206 --> 01:31:22,206
I know.

1521
01:31:23,497 --> 01:31:25,622
Because you'll always be my best mate.

1522
01:31:28,331 --> 01:31:29,331
I know.

1523
01:31:30,372 --> 01:31:31,706
Sorry, Obélix.

1524
01:31:34,581 --> 01:31:36,706
Astérix! Obélix!

1525
01:31:55,456 --> 01:31:57,622
Obélix! Don't!

1526
01:31:58,206 --> 01:31:59,372
Don't.

1527
01:32:11,956 --> 01:32:16,598
Before we die,
I need to tell you something, Princess.

1528
01:32:42,664 --> 01:32:43,664
Look there!

1529
01:32:45,331 --> 01:32:47,039
<i>And just when all seemed lost,</i>

1530
01:32:47,872 --> 01:32:49,223
<i>the Empress appeared,</i>

1531
01:32:49,247 --> 01:32:52,265
<i>followed by her army
and all of her people.</i>

1532
01:32:52,289 --> 01:32:53,723
<i>Everyone came.</i>

1533
01:32:53,747 --> 01:32:55,682
<i>They followed her
across the Middle Kingdom,</i>

1534
01:32:55,706 --> 01:32:59,831
<i>marching all the way
to the ultimate battle scene.</i>

1535
01:33:12,372 --> 01:33:13,372
Oh?

1536
01:33:16,872 --> 01:33:18,765
- What the heck is that?
- I'm not sure.

1537
01:33:18,789 --> 01:33:21,497
But I don't smell
a lot of laurel right now.

1538
01:33:21,997 --> 01:33:24,515
More like pine caskets.

1539
01:33:30,039 --> 01:33:31,515
Caesar!

1540
01:33:31,539 --> 01:33:33,723
I am the Empress of China.

1541
01:33:33,747 --> 01:33:36,348
You will leave my empire forthwith.
I order you.

1542
01:33:36,372 --> 01:33:38,890
Never!

1543
01:33:38,914 --> 01:33:41,140
Woman of character. Reminds me of someone.

1544
01:33:41,164 --> 01:33:42,289
Ooh...

1545
01:33:43,164 --> 01:33:44,581
Your Majesty,

1546
01:33:45,247 --> 01:33:47,432
rather than lose our temper
and ruin everything,

1547
01:33:47,456 --> 01:33:50,140
perhaps we could consider
some sort of alliance?

1548
01:33:50,164 --> 01:33:53,057
When the clouds pass in front of the sun,

1549
01:33:53,081 --> 01:33:55,497
my army will trample you to dust.

1550
01:33:56,372 --> 01:33:58,973
What's that now, another proverb of yours?

1551
01:33:58,997 --> 01:34:01,789
Oh no, it's literal.
And it's happening now.

1552
01:34:07,497 --> 01:34:09,997
- How many of you are there?
- Watch him do his thing!

1553
01:34:10,622 --> 01:34:12,807
One million.

1554
01:34:15,081 --> 01:34:17,682
Ah. The maths don't work as well.

1555
01:34:18,665 --> 01:34:21,098
Boys, I'm gonna hit the road.
It's not like I'm from here.

1556
01:34:21,122 --> 01:34:22,890
I'm returning to Rome, so keep in touch.

1557
01:34:22,914 --> 01:34:26,747
But Caesar, you can't just bail on us!
There's a million of them!

1558
01:34:27,539 --> 01:34:28,956
It's not my war.

1559
01:34:34,289 --> 01:34:36,039
I can't just trot off.

1560
01:34:38,081 --> 01:34:39,664
Hi-ho, Equus!

1561
01:34:40,997 --> 01:34:42,414
Hi-ho. Now.

1562
01:34:51,247 --> 01:34:52,348
GOT YOUR MESSAGE!

1563
01:34:52,372 --> 01:34:56,432
SAY GOODBYE TO MY LITTLE PYRAMID!
CLEOPATRA

1564
01:34:56,456 --> 01:34:58,456
That's one rough day.

1565
01:34:59,081 --> 01:35:00,081
A rough one.

1566
01:35:00,831 --> 01:35:01,872
Right.

1567
01:35:05,706 --> 01:35:07,348
Hurray!

1568
01:35:37,122 --> 01:35:39,598
Hurray!

1569
01:35:39,622 --> 01:35:41,098
<i>Now that's more like it.</i>

1570
01:35:41,122 --> 01:35:44,182
<i>And here we are, back in Gaul.</i>

1571
01:35:44,206 --> 01:35:47,348
<i>Not only for our friends' usual banquet,</i>

1572
01:35:47,372 --> 01:35:53,414
<i>but also to hold a celebration
in hon our of Gaul and China.</i>

1573
01:35:55,289 --> 01:35:58,747
Your attention,
the Empress will be speaking now.

1574
01:35:59,997 --> 01:36:01,039
Valiant warriors,

1575
01:36:02,122 --> 01:36:03,997
my gratitude is eternal.

1576
01:36:04,664 --> 01:36:06,348
Our hon our, Your Majesty.

1577
01:36:06,372 --> 01:36:09,206
In fact, I'm the one who insisted
we rush to your aid.

1578
01:36:10,622 --> 01:36:12,432
We have come all this way today

1579
01:36:12,456 --> 01:36:14,473
to celebrate a beautiful union.

1580
01:36:23,206 --> 01:36:25,932
That's my cousin. Remix's the name.

1581
01:36:25,956 --> 01:36:27,807
He's a specialist of world music!

1582
01:36:27,831 --> 01:36:31,432
He's my cousin, he's mine, all mine.
He is not, at all, your cousin, he's my...

1583
01:36:31,456 --> 01:36:32,622
Shush!

1584
01:37:18,081 --> 01:37:20,557
You know,
we're a bit alike, me and you.

1585
01:37:20,581 --> 01:37:21,765
We're chiefs.

1586
01:37:21,789 --> 01:37:24,473
I believe wielding power
gets pretty lonely.

1587
01:37:24,497 --> 01:37:25,831
Wouldn't you say so?

1588
01:37:28,122 --> 01:37:30,098
And... I'm not done.

1589
01:37:30,122 --> 01:37:33,515
And what's more, behind every great man,
there's a great woman.

1590
01:37:33,539 --> 01:37:36,598
Without Impedimenta, I'm lost.
At home, she's wearing the moustache.

1591
01:37:36,622 --> 01:37:39,348
Not interrupting, am I? Having a nice day?

1592
01:37:39,372 --> 01:37:41,682
Huh?
We'll settle this at home.

1593
01:37:41,706 --> 01:37:44,289
Hey, Mimenta!

1594
01:37:44,956 --> 01:37:47,497
Excuse me.
Just some minor marital strife to settle.

1595
01:37:48,081 --> 01:37:50,098
Mimenta! Mimenta!

1596
01:37:50,122 --> 01:37:52,289
I thought he would never leave.

1597
01:37:54,497 --> 01:37:57,581
You know what? When you left the cell,
I recovered my head.

1598
01:37:58,164 --> 01:37:59,016
Mm.

1599
01:37:59,040 --> 01:38:01,997
What I lost, though,
was my poor little heart.

1600
01:38:02,581 --> 01:38:04,223
Oh, don't be silly.

1601
01:38:04,247 --> 01:38:06,997
And so, what have you done with it?

1602
01:38:09,372 --> 01:38:10,640
See that, Bankruptis?

1603
01:38:10,664 --> 01:38:12,973
Huh? Prison didn't stop
your unkie's oo-la-la!

1604
01:38:12,997 --> 01:38:14,997
High class.

1605
01:38:21,289 --> 01:38:22,765
Hey. Bring another plate.

1606
01:38:22,789 --> 01:38:24,890
Or even better, a big dish, okay?
Wanna share?

1607
01:38:24,914 --> 01:38:27,706
- No. I'm not gonna give in now.
- Right, sorry.

1608
01:38:29,081 --> 01:38:31,057
So you still don't miss it?

1609
01:38:31,081 --> 01:38:32,723
Why would I miss it?

1610
01:38:32,747 --> 01:38:35,456
I tell you,
I can't even stand the smell now.

1611
01:38:36,789 --> 01:38:39,372
What I might miss sometimes
is the midnight snack, you know?

1612
01:38:39,997 --> 01:38:41,877
After a barley beer or two,
it gets complicated.

1613
01:38:43,331 --> 01:38:44,331
Obélix?

1614
01:38:45,206 --> 01:38:46,456
Panacea.

1615
01:38:46,997 --> 01:38:47,808
Am I in the way?

1616
01:38:47,832 --> 01:38:49,265
- No.
- I am.

1617
01:38:49,289 --> 01:38:51,956
I can tell.
Since you're back, I'm invisible.

1618
01:38:53,372 --> 01:38:56,039
Are the rumours true, about you and her?

1619
01:38:56,831 --> 01:38:57,932
This is ridiculous.

1620
01:38:57,956 --> 01:39:00,098
Long distance relationships don't work.

1621
01:39:00,122 --> 01:39:03,039
Think about the situation.
'Cause I'm here.

1622
01:39:03,956 --> 01:39:06,307
Been waiting for months, worried to death,

1623
01:39:06,331 --> 01:39:08,081
while you were chasing another woman?

1624
01:39:08,872 --> 01:39:09,890
Do you not love me?

1625
01:39:09,914 --> 01:39:12,182
- Huh?
- Well do you or don't you?

1626
01:39:12,206 --> 01:39:15,265
You used to love me.
So is it a yes or a no?

1627
01:39:15,289 --> 01:39:17,307
- Do I have to forget you?
- Tell her yes.

1628
01:39:17,331 --> 01:39:18,664
Listen, Panacea... Pff...

1629
01:39:19,747 --> 01:39:20,747
it's not happening.

1630
01:39:21,206 --> 01:39:23,831
This village goes
from one adventure to another.

1631
01:39:25,081 --> 01:39:28,414
And it's time I did as well.
That's all. Nothing personal.

1632
01:39:29,497 --> 01:39:31,307
Now if you'll excuse me...

1633
01:39:31,331 --> 01:39:32,331
You're a fool.

1634
01:39:34,122 --> 01:39:36,497
But, uh, I'm still...

1635
01:41:59,122 --> 01:42:00,557
Nice party, huh?

1636
01:42:00,581 --> 01:42:02,706
I thought everyone had a good time.

1637
01:42:04,081 --> 01:42:05,706
It was a good party.

1638
01:42:08,456 --> 01:42:10,557
So Ka Ra Tay, she... she left, didn't she?

1639
01:42:10,581 --> 01:42:12,581
Well, yeah, long ride home.

1640
01:42:14,539 --> 01:42:16,140
She called me her sweetheart.

1641
01:42:17,372 --> 01:42:18,664
She did?

1642
01:42:19,206 --> 01:42:20,973
That's amazing, Oby.

1643
01:42:20,997 --> 01:42:23,640
And so, she didn't...
she didn't feel like staying?

1644
01:42:23,664 --> 01:42:25,497
Well, she wanted to, of course, but...

1645
01:42:26,122 --> 01:42:29,247
she's got work in China,
big responsibilities in the palace.

1646
01:42:30,206 --> 01:42:33,081
No big deal, it'll happen.
When we grow up.

1647
01:42:34,206 --> 01:42:35,016
When you grow up?

1648
01:42:35,040 --> 01:42:36,872
Well... yeah.

1649
01:42:37,581 --> 01:42:38,581
Well...

1650
01:42:39,081 --> 01:42:41,247
I'm tired, I'm gonna go to bed.

1651
01:42:43,997 --> 01:42:45,539
- Hey, Oby?
- Hmm?

1652
01:42:46,122 --> 01:42:47,432
One more for the road, then?

1653
01:42:47,456 --> 01:42:49,622
Oh, don't mind if I do!

1654
01:42:56,831 --> 01:42:58,515
Oh, Oby...

1655
01:42:58,539 --> 01:42:59,723
Aw, mate.

1656
01:43:02,497 --> 01:43:03,433
Oby!

1657
01:43:03,457 --> 01:43:04,557
Oh, Astérix!

1658
01:43:04,581 --> 01:43:05,997
Obélix!

1659
01:43:08,539 --> 01:43:10,622
I can't breathe.

1660
01:43:15,747 --> 01:43:16,848
{\an8}THE END

1661
01:43:16,872 --> 01:43:19,265
{\an8}TO RENÉ GOSCINNY & ALBERT UDERZO

1662
01:44:15,956 --> 01:44:17,872
<i>Cou cou!</i>

1663
01:44:18,622 --> 01:44:21,997
<i>♪ You don't want me to sing? ♪</i>

1664
01:44:25,247 --> 01:44:26,497
<i>♪ I'm gonna sing anyway ♪</i>

1665
01:44:28,581 --> 01:44:31,706
<i>♪ You don't want me to sing? Hmm? ♪</i>

1666
01:44:32,622 --> 01:44:34,057
- <i>♪ You don't want me to sing ♪</i>
- Oh!

1667
01:44:34,081 --> 01:44:36,473
- I forgot the surprise.
- What surprise?

1668
01:44:36,497 --> 01:44:37,706
Wait here.

1669
01:44:39,789 --> 01:44:42,640
{\an8}<i>♪ So what is it, my voice or just me? ♪</i>

1670
01:44:42,664 --> 01:44:45,289
{\an8}<i>♪ So is it me or my voice? ♪</i>

1671
01:44:46,289 --> 01:44:49,182
{\an8}<i>♪ So is my voice not right?
It's what you don't like? ♪</i>

1672
01:44:49,206 --> 01:44:50,956
<i>♪ Or is it just me? ♪</i>

1673
01:44:51,706 --> 01:44:54,390
<i>♪ Tell me what's wrong
Always something wrong ♪</i>

1674
01:44:54,414 --> 01:44:57,432
<i>♪ Don't do this, don't do that ♪</i>

1675
01:44:57,456 --> 01:45:00,265
<i>♪ Is it my lyrics or my voice
I don't get it ♪</i>

1676
01:45:00,289 --> 01:45:03,206
<i>♪ Don't call me paranoid
You're all against me ♪</i>

1677
01:45:05,122 --> 01:45:06,831
<i>♪ You don't want me to sing? ♪</i>

1678
01:45:07,664 --> 01:45:10,515
<i>♪ Hmm? ♪</i>

1679
01:45:10,539 --> 01:45:12,557
<i>♪ I'm gonna sing anyway ♪</i>

1680
01:45:12,581 --> 01:45:15,372
Oh!

1681
01:45:16,247 --> 01:45:18,372
<i>♪ You don't want me to sing? ♪</i>

1682
01:45:21,914 --> 01:45:24,539
<i>♪ I'm gonna sing anyway ♪</i>

1683
01:45:27,956 --> 01:45:29,807
What did Caesar
say about his palace?

1684
01:45:29,831 --> 01:45:32,164
"When I get back, I want it shiny."

1685
01:45:32,789 --> 01:45:34,081
So get it shiny!

1686
01:45:34,706 --> 01:45:35,932
Shine, shine, shine...

1687
01:45:35,956 --> 01:45:39,914
- Shine, you fools.
- There you go, that's the spirit.

1688
01:45:42,956 --> 01:45:44,432
You get the whole Gaulish market.

1689
01:45:44,456 --> 01:45:46,557
All I want is China,
and the rest of the world.

1690
01:45:46,581 --> 01:45:48,807
It's a mega deal! Take it or leave it.

1691
01:45:48,831 --> 01:45:50,515
I demand you give me an answer.

1692
01:45:50,539 --> 01:45:52,140
What's this mega deal you're making?

1693
01:45:52,164 --> 01:45:54,015
- I never said mega deal...
- Yes, you did,

1694
01:45:54,039 --> 01:45:55,848
you miserable <i>Kh'mar</i>.
An accomplished merchant

1695
01:45:55,872 --> 01:45:58,557
such as myself
can read lips three miles away?

1696
01:45:58,581 --> 01:46:01,098
- So why'd you say that?
- I didn't!

1697
01:46:04,997 --> 01:46:07,848
I'm telling you, honey,
you'll get your Julius back for sure.

1698
01:46:07,872 --> 01:46:10,348
All you gotta do
is send him a message saying,

1699
01:46:10,372 --> 01:46:13,515
"I'll cross oceans and ponds,
even dye my hair blonde..."

1700
01:46:13,539 --> 01:46:16,098
And <i>voilà,</i> he'll be at your doorstep
before you know it.

1701
01:46:16,122 --> 01:46:17,932
I guess so.

1702
01:46:17,956 --> 01:46:20,122
Don't know why I get so embalmed about it.

1703
01:46:21,956 --> 01:46:25,848
Aw. Oh no, it's flat.
You wouldn't have a poultry charger?

1704
01:46:25,872 --> 01:46:28,539
Ah! Don't move. I'll get you one.

1705
01:46:29,622 --> 01:46:31,539
With an Egyptian plug?

1706
01:46:32,372 --> 01:46:33,622
Why not a Roman one?

1707
01:46:38,539 --> 01:46:40,640
<i>♪ I'm gonna sing anyway ♪</i>

1708
01:46:40,664 --> 01:46:42,789
He just sang anyway.

1709
01:46:44,706 --> 01:46:47,807
Hey, you about done with the noise?

1710
01:46:47,831 --> 01:46:49,997
We wanna get some sleep around here!

1711
01:46:55,081 --> 01:46:56,081
I'm sorry!

1712
01:47:00,497 --> 01:47:01,682
Good night!

1713
01:47:01,706 --> 01:47:04,081
Good night you goody-goody-Gauls!